Alone
Alone
by Starlight
Summary: A death of a neighbour causes Sam to look and the past and consider the future.
Category: Angst, POV
Episode Related: 715 Chimera, 717 Heroes, Future Story
Season: Season 7
Pairing: none
Rating: GEN
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 2004-08-06
Sam stood looking out of the window, watching as the coroner wheeled away the thin PVC bag that hid Mrs Tempa from prying eyes. The physical confinement almost mirroring the mental confinement the elderly widow had been struggling with for many years. Sam pulled the nets back into place and turned away.
Looking out of the window had become a habit, then a hobby. She would often stand and watch the world pass her by, sometime for hours she would just stare out; occasionally letting her thoughts wonder to think of what if would be like to join them.
Many years ago Sam had accepted the fact that she was never going to be the most popular person in the world. At Elementary School she spent most of her time outside of school with her mother or some of the boys who lived down her street. Then that had all fallen apart. She got interested in boys young, and often played games like doctor with Ery, Toby and Shaun, their activities were harmless, although they could be perceived as sexual. Like when she showed then her first bra but unfortunately due to the lack of 'assets' had flashed them her breasts or the time when she had shown the boys that she could pee standing up too. Then she started going out with Toby - not proper going out as she was only nine, just saying they were boyfriend and girlfriend and sharing the occasional chaste kiss. Then for no reason one day she just told him that she had a boyfriend called Logan - It was a lie, and immediately afterwards she wished she could take back her words but she couldn't. Her years of playing on the street were over, whenever she walked past even with one of her parents they taunted her, her mum and dad thought it was just a kids spat - nothing to be worried about but Toby started spreading telling people what they had done together sometimes putting a darker tint on things, Mark found out, he came to Sam in her room one night and told her he'd tell dad about it, she knew it was kids stuff but was so ashamed that she accepted her brothers demands that she do his chores.
When her mum had died, Sam truly realised how few friends she now had. Of course everyone was nice to her at school but it wasn't like when Kristy's mum had died and she had gotten invited everywhere. The kids were just being polite. At home her farther was away a lot and her brother's only contact with her was the occasional taunt thrown in her direction in passing.
High School arrived and Sam threw herself into the work and the after school clubs. She became know as 'Lanky Sam' or 'the Carter geek', her social circle consisted of the few people she talked to in classes or at the clubs and the three chess club geeks who she ate lunch with. During the holidays Sam would stay home and read whilst looking out the window at the other kid's comings and goings, she made herself believe she just didn't have a sociable personally and so didn't need to socialise. The amount of studying she did paid off, she went to collage, entered the air force academy - excelled in everything she did, she even found herself a true boyfriend - Jonas.
Sam had met Jonas at the academy and they had instantly hit it off. He introduced her to friends, parties, sex, and love - or so she thought. Jonas treated her alright at first, hadn't pressured her to go past making out, had taken her out on dates, listened to her drone on about the work at the academy, she thought it was love. He was the man she would spend the rest of her life with, her soul mate, he had given her everything she had missed out on, but after she first slept with him, she saw a darker side, he hadn't been gentle that night nor any night since, he persuaded her to wear more and more revealing clothes for him and his mates, telling her it would help her fit in - Sam knew she should say no but she thought he loved her, he was only doing what was best for her to fit in. They got engaged, started talking about a family, buying a house together as Sam was practically living in his apartment. Then she had skipped two periods, she was over the moon - they were going to have the family they'd talked about, Jonas wasn't so pleased, Sam had never discussed what had happened that night with anyone, but she'd packed up her bags the next morning and left, called Dad to tell him the wedding was off and was immensely relieved but at the same time saddened when she discovered it was a false alarm.
Ever since, Sam had been alone. Once or twice a month she would go out with Janet and occasionally she would be invited out with the rest of SG-1 but she rarely ever went. Then Pete came along, and she fell in love again, he was caring, sweet, romantic, and intelligent, she trusted him but it was the trust that wasn't reciprocated. When she had found out he had done a background check on her she was furious, it seemed to be Jonas all over again, a wolf in sheep's clothing, she ended it before he could hurt her even more.
When Janet died, she became depressed, she had no real friends. The guys were colleagues but nothing more. She had once gone away for a week and no one had even noticed she'd gone. Now she was scared she'd end up like Mrs Tempa, dead for days or weeks before someone found her. No one even realising she was gone. That thought made Sam cry - she didn't want to die some sad, lonely woman or worse, end up as just a name on some memorial no one would ever see. What was the point of dieing for a cause, if no one knew you were dead, if you had achieved nothing in life personally?
Sam could feel the black clouds looming over her, like a veil of misery and bitterness.
Would anyone care if she was dead?
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