Research and Development
Research and Development
by NothingProfound
Summary: While wallowing in self-pity over his new job, Jack gets an unexpected visitor. Working at the Pentagon suddenly has a lot of appeal.
Category: Angst, Drama, Romance
Episode Related: 104 The Broca Divide, 108 Brief Candle, 116 Enigma, 120 Politics, 211 TokRa, 317 A Hundred Days, 406 Window of Opportunity, 510 2001, 715 Chimera, 807 Affinity, 818 Threads, 901 Avalon
Season: Season 9
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: FAM
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story was created for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 04/12/07
When I arrived back at my empty apartment after a long day at my office, I didn't bother turning on any lights. Why illuminate my loneliness, when I can be lonely in the dark? I don't know who I was trying to hide it from, because I was alone. Dumping my jacket and dress cap on the bed--I'll hang them up later--I grabbed a beer from the kitchen alcove and dumped my long frame over the leather armchair that I brought with me from my house.
Sitting in the dark and listening to the sound of cars and tourists out on the streets, all I could think were two things. One, I hate this job and two, man, I miss Carter. I missed Daniel and Teal'c, too, but it was different with Carter. The job was all the paperwork of my old job and no daily visits to Carter's lab, no lunch in the commissary with my old team, no bugging Daniel, no sparring with Teal'c. The only plus side was that I didn't have to watch my team go through the Stargate without me.
I wondered absently what Carter was doing right then. Probably working on the Daedalus. I have to admit that is one cool ship. She has been leading the Research and Development out of Area 51 since I was promoted to Head of Homeworld Security. I missed her so much. It was really kind of pathetic.
Taking another swig of my beer, I stared at the lights outside my window. Washington D.C. wasn't home. My house was closer, but it's gone now. It had been a while since I lived anywhere that felt like home, not since Charlie. I sighed. I was incredibly depressing.
I started to tug at the label on my bottle when the doorbell rang. I really didn't want visitors right now. It was probably Daniel and I didn't want him to talk me out of my self-pity. I was enjoying being miserable if that was actually possible.
After a few minutes of ringing, the person, ostensibly Daniel, tried knocking and when there was no response to that, I heard a key in the door. Oh, yeah, that's Daniel, I thought. Nobody else with a key would be around to visit. Carter was away with the R&D and Teal'c was working on the New Jaffa Nation. Besides, I didn't think Daniel would have gotten around to giving Carter and Teal'c their keys yet. I'd left them with Danny.
The door opened and I ignored the person as they looked around the dark apartment. That is until I realized it was Carter. A little shocked, I didn't think about how I knew. I always know. She hadn't taken a step so it wasn't her footsteps. I couldn't see her so I didn't recognize her figure. She hadn't spoken yet so it wasn't her voice. I just knew, maybe it was her presence, the strength of her personality, or maybe I am so obsessed with her I've memorized her breathing.
What the heck was she doing here, in my apartment, in the dark, at 2100 hours? Carter approached my chair and I could feel her curious and nervous gaze on me. "Grab a beer and sit down," I said, covering my own nervousness with put-on nonchalance. She paused and I mentally pictured her blinking in surprise at my odd answer to her appearance.
"Or if you'd rather, I think I have diet coke," I added. I didn't know why I bought it. I didn't get the ginger ale I used to keep stocked for Teal'c or Daniel's favorite brand of coffee or the fruit roll-ups that Jonas had been so obsessed with and gotten Teal'c and Carter hooked on. I hadn't even realized I'd bought the soda until I started to put my groceries away. Carter knew as well as I do that I hate diet soda.
"Really?" she asked. It was the first thing she'd said since arriving.
"Yeah," I agreed, trying to make light of my blunder. I still hadn't looked at her. She disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a soda can in hand. She sat down across from me on my couch.
"No lights?" she asked curiously.
I shrugged. "Didn't know I was a closet mole, did you?" I couldn't see her face in the dark, but I felt her laughing smile in response.
"I've missed you," Sam said and I could hear the sincerity in her voice. I almost choked on my beer. We were never that open with each other. It was the last thing I expected her to say.
"Really?" popped out of my mouth before I could stop it. It sounded a little too desperate to me.
A car drove by close enough to cast light through the window behind me. It played across Sam's face, illuminating the shy smile on her lips as she said, "Yes." Her blue eyes glittered in the headlights briefly before she ducked her head.
"Me, too," I said, rather inarticulately. "I missed you, I mean." It was easier to say in the dark when we couldn't see each other expressions. An uncomfortable silence descended on the room.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, breaking it.
"I, uh..." she started falteringly. "The Daedalus left for Atlantis, so I had a few days of downtime and"--I thought about interrupting with a joke about her never taking downtime, but since she started seeing Pete Shanahan she went home every night some weeks and spent her downtime with him. She had broken up with Pete right after her father's death, but I wasn't sure if she had retained some of those habits--"I thought I'd...drop by," she finished. Another passing headlight lit her face and I thought I saw a blush.
Nevada and Washington D.C. were not really in the same vicinity. Warmth blossomed in my chest and spread through me. I knew it was pathetic of me to feel like that simply because she went out of her way to visit, but I didn't really care. Sweet! I thought with exuberance.
"How was your flight?" I asked casually.
"Good," she said bit awkwardly. I caught another flash of blue as her eyes reflected some subtle light source.
"Do you make it a habit to visit old commanding officers halfway across the country?"
Headlights revealed a rather flirtatious smile as she said, "Nope. For you I made an exception."
This time I did choke. Regaining my composure, I grinned. "Really? What makes me so special?"
Sam shrugged--the movement a shifting of shadows. "I don't know...but I thought maybe I could find out?" her question was tentative. Maybe she was wondering if it was too late for us. Maybe it was. I had wondered the same thing since my promotion and her transfer.
Regulations were gone, but could we get past the mental and personal barriers we have built up between us? Could we get past Pete and Kerry--Laira, Kynthia, Martouf, Narim, and Joe? We hadn't called each other "sir" or "Carter" throughout this entire conversation, but was that enough? We hadn't called each other by our first names either.
The rapid shifting of our moods was dizzying. First, we were professional, then awkward, the next minute flirting, and then uncertain and shy. If Daniel were here, he would have thrown up his hands in exasperation and muttered under his breath in one of at least 23 different languages.
"I already know what makes you special," I murmured softly, looking down at my callused hands--bloodstained hands, the hands of a killer, the hands of a failure at fatherhood, of a terrible husband, of a lost cause. "Don't think you'll like what you'll find."
Sam shifted in the darkness and her hand slipped gently into mine. "Don't do that," she said sadly.
"Do what?" I asked.
"Put yourself down and put me up on a pedestal. I'm not perfect, you know."
I snorted. "Yes, you are."
"If I was, I wouldn't have almost married a man I didn't love."
She had to bring him up, didn't she? I tugged my hand from hers and stood up. "It's getting late," I said gruffly. "Maybe you should go."
She didn't move from her spot, but watched me in the dark. "I really hurt you, didn't I?" she said sadly.
"Carter, I have a mountain of paperwork waiting for me tomorrow and I want an early start."
"I'm so sorry," she said tearfully.
I shut my eyes against my raging emotions. How could one woman cause me so much pain so easily? I couldn't stand it when she cried. "Sam..."
"How did you hide it? Everyone knew the minute that I was jealous of Kerry, but no one knew you cared an iota about my engagement to Pete. Least of all me."
"Oh, you knew, Carter," I said sharply. All the anger that I had been holding back for over a year escaped its cage. "Why else would you hide your meetings with Pete about the wedding from me? Arguing with your father about picking flowers or whatever. You knew, and you chose him anyway! And then you had the gall to come to my house when you were having second thoughts, looking for assurances I couldn't give you."
"I was going to tell you how I feel about you, Jack!" she shouted at me, bringing me up short with the use of my first name.
"What?" I asked in confusion.
Sam sighed and ran a hand through her short blonde hair. She reached over and clicked on the lights, causing us to blink in the sudden brightness. "Are we so pathetic that we can only communicate in the field?" she asked.
My eyes adjusted to the light and I subconsciously studied her face. She looked good, maybe a little tired, but as beautiful as ever and the same as the last time I saw her. I don't know why I thought she would have changed. "I--" I started to answer, unsure of what I was going to say.
"I always thought that when we finally weren't in the same chain-of-command..." "I would sweep you off your feet and we would live happily ever after," I agreed ruefully.
"Too clich?" she asked and I smiled crookedly at her.
"Maybe, but it would have been great anyway."
"Is it too late?" Sam asked the question I had been thinking. "Has too much happened for us to get our chance?" Her blue eyes pleaded with me to say no, full of fear and hope.
"I don't know, Carter..." I trailed off. Why should it be too late? Because she hurt my pride? No, she broke my heart. I waited for her, but she moved on. No second glance, no warning, no "sorry, Jack, but sayonara." Then again, what right did I have to expect her to wait for me? There was no agreement, I just assumed. "An assumption is a death wish, O'Neill," one of my first commanders had told me once. Death by heartbreak, this time.
Sam sighed. "I wanted some semblance of a normal life so badly. I just...wanted to be loved for once."
"You are loved!" I declared, angry that she thought so little of us, of me.
"By Daniel and Teal'c and Dad...and you," she said, nodding. "But I wanted to be loved by a man as a woman."
"For crying out loud! You are!" I shouted, trying to get it through her suddenly thick skull. For a smart woman, she just didn't seem to get it.
"By whom?"
"Me!" I answered before I could stop myself. I opened and closed my mouth a few times, but nothing came out. Sam looked equally as shocked at the admission. Too late to back out now, Jack. "I love you like that," I admitted softly, bracing myself for rejection.
"Jack..." She whispered my name like a caress and I tried desperately to remember how to breathe. "I always hoped you did, but...I've loved you for a long time. I should have known I couldn't move on."
My brain kept trying to tell my lungs to start moving, but the rest of me kept replying "Breathe? What is that?" I must have been staring at her for a long time because she looked concerned.
"Are you alright?" Sam asked.
Her voice kick started my body and I inhaled sharply. My mind hadn't registered her question, it was still on her confession. "I thought I'd lost you," I murmured on an exhale.
She smiled tearfully at me. "Never again," she said.
"Promise?" Again I sounded desperate, but there is only so much my battered heart can take.
A tear escaped from her eye and trickled down her cheek. "Yes, Jack. I don't want anyone else."
I crossed the distance between us before I realized what I was doing, but I wasn't complaining. I hesitantly reached out and touched her cheek. Her skin was soft beneath my callused fingers. This seemed too easy. "There's no turning back," I said quietly. "A few years down the road, you're going to wake up and realize I'm not getting any younger and wished you'd gone with the newer model."
Sam snorted at that. "That's not going to happen. I've been trying to stop loving you for seven years. I--" she cut off as realization hit her. Her eyes went adorably wide. "Did you just say a few years?"
I shifted uncomfortable under her scrutiny. "I'm not taking chances this time. If we're going to do this, we're going all the way. This is a lifetime position I'm applying for, not just some casual fling."
"Is that a proposal?" Sam asked, her voice trembling a little. My hands were shaking as I cupped her cheek.
"I guess it is. Look, Sam, I've got a lot less to lose than you do. You're young and smart and beautiful. You have your pick of hundreds of younger, smarter, handsomer men. I'm just a cynical, old, Air Force general whose heart you've got. If you really want to tie yourself down to me and my issues, I want you to be sure," I told her, resting my hands on her upper arms.
Of all the reactions I had imagined in the short time I'd had to process what I was asking her, her bursting out laughing wasn't one of them. Granted her laughter was rather teary and sounded more like a sob, but there was definite amusement there. I bristled. "Hey! What's so funny?" I asked, hurt.
"I'm sorry, it's just I couldn't help comparing your proposal to Pete's. Neither of them was very romantic--"
"It's not like I had much time to plan anything," I protested, releasing her. "I didn't even know I was proposing until you asked."
She caught my arm before I could get away from her. "Let me finish. When Pete proposed, we were in a park eating hot dogs. He went from mentioning his stalking me to telling me he was transferring to Colorado Springs to proposing. He had a ring. He could have planned something better, but he chose not to. But you didn't plan this, yet you know what you want and you think you can't have it. You're actually trying to convince me not to say yes. When Pete asked me to marry him, I felt trapped and my fight-or-flight instinct kicked in. That's why it took me two weeks to say yes. That wasn't the response I had expected."
I watched her warily as she explained, not understanding her dissertation anymore than the scientific babble she spoke on a regular basis. My own fight-or-flight reaction had me on edge and fearing rejection.
"When you proposed, the feeling of...elation I got," she continued with a teary, joyful smile that set my heart pounding in anticipation, "it was such a relief I couldn't help myself."
I frowned, still confused. Deciding to risk it all, I took her hands in my larger ones and caught her blue eyes in my brown. "I haven't got a clue what you're talking about. But I'm going to say this so that there's no confusion. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. If it's what you want, I'll do anything to make it happen," I said sincerely. Taking a deep breath, I leaned closer and said, "Marry me?"
Sam smiled brilliantly at me, tears glistening in her blue eyes. I half expected light bulbs to explode by the sheer wattage of that smile, though I think my heart did. "Yes, Jack," she said, glowing like I knew I must be as she spoke that word. No "I need to think about it," no questions about crab nebulas's and day cares, no discussing it with Daniel or Teal'c or anyone.
"You're sure?" I asked, terrified that she would change her mind.
She nodded, determination in her eyes that prevented me from asking again. I knew that look. She was going to marry me if she had to fight through an army of Jaffa to do it. And I would be right there beside her, P-90 in hand. "Yes," she repeated and I pulled her into a fierce hug. I buried my face into her neck, breathing in her scent, and held her as if I were afraid I would lose her if I let go. I think I was.
Sam sighed happily against my shoulder. "This is what it's supposed to feel like," she murmured.
I pulled back and grinned at her. "I could have told you that."
"Jack--!" she protested, my name coming easily to her. It was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. I cut her off with my lips on hers. The kiss was short, but sweet as the clich goes and Sam's eyes were wide when I pulled away, wanting more like I did.
"I'll buy you a ring tomorrow," I murmured in her ear. Sam's answer was to capture my lips again and run her fingers through my hair. Kissing her was even better than I remembered and I deepened the kiss. Eight years ago, if you had told me that I would be engaged to Samantha Carter, I wouldn't have believed...wait, that's right, I didn't.
Later, sitting in the dark on my couch and listening to the sound of Sam's breathing and holding her in my arms, all I could think were two things. One, I love this job and two, man, I love Sam Carter. Did I mention I like R&D?
The End
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