Restraint
Restraint
by MissAnnThropic
Summary: Sam's observations on Jack O'Neill and the subject of touching.
Category: POV, Thoughts
Season: any Season
Pairing: Team
Rating: FAM
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 2005-04-15
He won't allow himself touch, not the way he wants or needs it. I can just tell, he's decided it's a necessity beyond his right to have, and I feel sad for him.
Jack O'Neill carries off the bearing of a special ops trained soldier, the stance and bravado of a high-ranking officer in the U.S. Air Force is exacted to perfection. He's aloof and independent and untouchable. But I know he hates the last one. Jack O'Neill has learned to live without it, but when you really get to know him you know it's against his nature. Jack O'Neill is touchy. At least, he would be if he felt he could relax for just five minutes in his life.
He's tactile in a way I think Daniel used to be. Before his parents died. I think Daniel had probably been one of those kids who'd sit in his mother's lap for hours, and hug his father as tightly as his little arms could humanly squeeze. Daniel's not now, but not in a different way. Maybe because it was taught to him at such a younger age than it was Jack. Daniel was hurt, so badly, and he convinced himself touch, closeness, was something he didn't deserve. That's HIS nature now, and I bleed for him for that, but Daniel's much better at living that life of three feet back. It's not all gone. I've hugged Daniel a few times, and I've seen Jack hug him and GOD you should see the grin that earns the colonel. Jack's opinion matters to Daniel, I think a hell of a lot more than either man realizes. Daniel's learned to give up hugging, but he'll fold on his resolve for some people, people like Jack O'Neill.
Teal'c's a no-fly zone on the hugging issue, too, but he's completely different from the colonel or Daniel. Teal'c's not built to be hugged. He's too tall, too broad, too hard, too Jaffa to really feel nature with your arms around. Luckily he shows affection in different ways, warm smiles and looks that you get the picture and you're saved the awkward embrace with a man who's so much more `right' with a weapon in his hands.
Jack is different. Jack craves physical contact; he feels it like an ache, like an escalating action potential, when he has to hold himself back. I think so much of his constant fidgeting and nervous energy would dissipate if he could just TOUCH someone, pass the charge off like a building static surge. Not that Jack's ever said anything on the issue, never cracked and gave in enough to come off as `touchy', but I've been in a privileged position to figure it out. When Jack can't help himself, can't hold back the crackling spike of HAVE TO and steals small, innocuous touches, you can feel the rightness there. With a man that indisposed to casual contact, if he truly avoided it because he didn't like it you'd be able to feel that hesitancy in those few sparse touches. It's not there. Jack O'Neill touches you, whether on the hand or the elbow or an all-out hug, and it always feels right. For that moment it just feels like `Jack'.
Jack can invade your personal space and you don't really notice. Hammond can't stand that close to me without it seeming a little... crowded. I've had Jack right over my shoulder before and it didn't occur to me to consider it peculiar. He's got this presence to him, honestly it's almost like he's more fitting close in than a pace away.
But he denies himself this thing so basic to him. I wish it wasn't necessary but Jack O'Neill wouldn't train something so contrary to his nature into his behavior if it wasn't unavoidable. He's military and there are expectations. He's always so good at making sacrifices for his country, and touching is just one of those casualties. The staff at the SGC, junior officers, enlisted men, the Marines... they can't see a colonel that throws his arms over teammates' shoulders or ruffles archaeologists' hair or is taken to dispensing chaste kisses on the cheek to the lucky women on base. It flies in the face of the unspoken persona he has to maintain, and so he marches on and keeps his hands to himself. A relentless six foot two supernova of a man, a burning star contained under a dangerously thin layer of ice.
END
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