I can't believe that its **him**. I never expected to see him here, in Seattle. And to top it all off, he's walking straight towards me. Shit. I try to turn into a store, any store here in Pike's Place Market, but its too late.
"Mom?" And the wrong person calling out to me.
"Mom?" I repeat under my breath. I swing back around to come face to face with **him** and his son. "I'm sorry, you have the wrong person. Excuse me." I try to walk away but he grabs the sleeve of my jacket.
"How is this even possible?!? I thought...I mean...Dad?" Charlie looks between the two of us for an explanation. He's not a child, like I expected. He's almost a grown man in this reality. He looks so much like Jack. Colonel O'Neill I remind myself. He's not my Jack. Never has been.
"Come on, Charlie. Let's go." Col. O'Neill tries to pull his son away from me and won't even look me in the eye.
"Answer me Dad! How is this possible?!? Mom died. Right? Dad?" He turns back to me, tears in his eyes. "Mom?"
The colonel and I finally make eye contact. What I see finally is a plethora of emotions running rampant in this man. Anger. Hurt. Love. Sadness. He finally releases Charlie and turns to me.
"Colonel Carter. I'm so sorry about this. I never planned on crossing paths again." He keeps his eyes locked with me, and I can see him pleading with me to go along with what he's saying. "Charlie. This is your mom's twin sister."
Incredulous eyes turn between us. "Twin sister? She's my **aunt**? How come I've never heard of her before?"
I finally find my voice and say the first thing that comes to mind. "Your mom and I had a huge falling out many years ago, before you were born even. We never mended those fences. I'm sorry we had to meet this way Charlie. I know what happened with your mom and this must have been quite a horrific meeting for you."
"What's your name?" he asks me.
"Janet. Janet Carter." Its the first thing that comes to mind and at the same time I'm grateful that my 'dad' in this reality has already passed away. Colonel O'Neill mouths a silent thank you behind his son and I nod my acceptance. He grabs a hold of Charlie once again.
"Come on, son. I'll tell you the whole story back at the hotel. Go head towards the car and I'll be right there." He waits till Charlie is out of earshot and turns back to me. "Thank you."
"That's why you were so upset when you found us, isn't it? You were married to the Samantha Carter in this reality. She's Charlie's mom here, isn't she?"
He hangs his head down and shoves his hands in his pockets. Such a Jack-ism. "I'm sorry. You just have to understand that it came as quite a shock to see my dead wife alive and well in the Arctic. These last four years have been hell on both of us."
"I'm sorry. I do know how it feels though. **My** Jack had just been killed where I was. So when I saw you in the ice field, I was overjoyed."
He finally looked me in the eyes, really looked. "Listen. Charlie's waiting and I have a lot of explaining to do. We're staying over at the Edgewater. You know the place?"
"Um, that's on the water isn't it? Over by Pier 67?"I ask him, curious now. We're not even supposed to be in the same room, let alone talking.
"Let me talk with Charlie and then would you join me for dinner? There's a restaurant right in the hotel called Six Seven. Good food." He fidgets with his hands. "Its the least I can do for what happened today."
"I don't know if it would be a good idea. I mean, what if the government finds out? We're not even supposed to see each other."
"I know. Please don't worry about that. I'll take care of it. You won't be in trouble." He reaches across and takes my hand. "Please. Meet me there about 2000?"
I know I shouldn't. That I should just turn around and walk away, forgetting that I even saw the two of them. But I don't. Instead I find myself agreeing to dinner and then he's walking away. I'm excited. I'm also melancholy. I'm still mourning for my Jack and yet here he is, at least another version of him and I can't wait to see him again.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I actually did the 'what am I to wear' dance while getting ready. I finally settled on a long black skirt with a light blue sweater set. The fall weather here in Seattle was nice during the day but rather cool at night. At least the rain hasn't started yet. I arrived at the hotel a bit early but he was already out in the lobby waiting. He was gorgeous and for a moment I allowed myself to see my Jack. He had on black slacks, a black long-sleeve shirt and black shoes. His silver hair was still unruly, but that was one of his best physical qualities. He had his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth, and I could see that he was mumbling to himself. It made me smile and I walked up to him.
"Hi."
"Hi yourself." He looked me over. "You look nice."
"Thank you. So do you."
He stretches his arm out, indicating the restaurant. "Shall we?" I nod and walk in ahead of him, but I know he's right behind me, his hand almost touching my lower back but not quite. We take our seats and he's gotten a table right by the windows, and the night is gorgeous. I watch the ferries making their final trips of the day and the sun finally setting behind the Olympic Mountains.
"Would you like a glass of wine?" he says, interrupting my thoughts.
"That would be great. Merlot please."
He chuckles. "My...she loved her merlot." He turns to the waiter. "Two glasses of merlot and we'll have the chef's special tonight."
Its my turn to laugh now. "He used to do that for me as well."
"Old habits and all that."
"Yeah." I fiddle with my napkin in my lap. "How's Charlie?"
"He's still upset. I feel bad that I'm lying to him like that. I'm just glad that there's no way that he'll ever know that I am. Jacob and Ann have both passed away in this reality a few years back."
I nod and look back out over the bay. "They told me that."
He reaches across the table and grasps my hand that's resting there. "Samantha. I'm really sorry about everything. I know it must be hell to not see the people you love and know so well. I'm also sorry about my part in all of this." He moves his hand from mine and I turn to look at him. "I'm the one that recommended that the three of you be split up."
"Why the hell would you do something like that?! Are you that callous?" I'm angry now and its hard to keep my anger reigned in. "Do you know what kind of hell we've all been living in?"
"I do now. The only reason I did was I thought it would be best for the safety of everyone." He grabs my hand again and holds tightly. "I was wrong. I admit that. And I'm sorry its taken running into you to figure that out."
I stare down at our hands and I feel the anger leaving me. 'Damn it!' I yell to myself. He's always been able to get me to stop being angry and apparently it works with any of the other "Jack's".
I'm saved from having to answer him because the waiter arrives with our dinner. We eat silently and surprisingly its not awkward. When we finish our meal, the waiter arrives again with the rest of the bottle of merlot and Jack motions to my glass.
"Its a nice night out. Would you like to go sit on the dock?" He looks so hopeful that I dare not dash his hopes. Besides, maybe with more alcohol, this night might turn out okay. I nod in agreement and we head to the dock. We lean against the railing and both of us are swirling the wine in our glasses.
"Thank you for coming tonight." He says quietly.
"You're welcome. Thank you for asking me."
"You're welcome." He looks out across the bay and I follow his gaze. After a few minutes of staring, I see the fin of an Orca slap down across the water and smile.
"Did you see that?" I ask him, the excitement evident in my voice. He nods and turns so that his back is now against the railing and he's looking at me, smiling. "What?"
"Nothing. Its just...I know that you and my Samantha are different but you both are so much the same. I've had to keep telling myself all night that you're not her."
"Samantha. Not Sam?"
He shakes his head. "Nope. Everyone else called her Sam. Or Carter. I had Samantha."
"How did the two of you meet?"
"Blind date."
I laugh. "Really?"
"Yup. Love at first sight." He takes a drink of his wine. "God knows why though. She sure as hell could have done better than an aging Special Forces Colonel."
I turn and stand with my back against the railing now and our shoulders are a hairs breath apart. "I wanted to punch my Jack the first time I met him. He was so condescending and just an over all ass."
"That bad, huh?" He chuckles again. "Condescending and an ass, huh? Can't say that I see it."
I'm laughing again. "I know why your Samantha fell in love with you. Its the same reason I fell in love with my Jack."
"Oh? Why's that?"
"Lets see. Sense of humor. Protective. Bit of a big kid. Smart as a whip but never lets anyone know. Likes to play dumb. His sense of honor. Duty. His morals. Those are just to start."
"How do you know that I have all that?" He asks, putting his glass on the railing and turning and taking my glass from my hands. He moves to stand in front of me now, close enough that I can smell him. His cologne and the scent that is uniquely Jack O'Neill. His arms aren't really around me, but they are on either side of me, holding on to the railing.
"I know that because I know Jack." I stare into his eyes, feeling myself moving closer yet to him. "You are him in all the same ways."
He just nods and stares at my lips. "I want to kiss you."
"Me too."
"I'm not him."
"And I'm not her."
"Is this okay?" he asks softly.
Its not. God, its not but yet right now I need him. "Its okay."
With that permission, he leans down and his lips softly cover mine. Our lips move gently over each others, feeling. I almost feel like I'm back in my reality kissing my Jack. I move my hands to his hips, holding him and he wraps his arms around my shoulders. His tongue finally traces along my lips and I moan, opening my mouth for him to deepen our kiss.
We finally break apart for air a couple minutes later. We're resting forehead to forehead, both of us breathing fast. That kiss felt so wonderful.
"Wow." he whispered.
"Yeah."
He pulled me tighter to him, burying his face in my neck. He's placing little kisses on my neck and I lean my head away from him to give him better access.
"I never...**kiss**...expected things to...**kiss**...go like this tonight."
"Mmmhmm."
"We should probably stop."
"Probably."
"Do you want to?" He asks me, pulling back to look into my eyes. That's the million dollar question. Of course I don't want to. I have the opportunity to be with the man I love. The man I was going to marry. The man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I know he's waiting for my answer and I'm not sure what it is yet.
"Jack...I..."
"Shh...No pressure." He kisses me lightly.
"I want to. I really do."
"But...?"
"But I can't. As much as you sound, feel, taste like my Jack, I feel like I'm..."
"I know."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be." I say. We pull back but still hold onto one another at the waist. "Thank you, Jack."
"For what?" he responds, pushing a stray strand of hair behind my ear.
"For tonight. For apologizing. For being who you are."
"Always."
I chuckle again. "Another thing my Jack says. Said."
"He was a lucky man."
"So was Samantha." After a moment I add, "And so is Charlie."
"I take it that you two didn't have children?"
"We weren't married yet. My Jack had Charlie though. He died when he was young."
"Sheesh." He finally releases me and runs a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. We were happy and Jack had finally started to work through the issues surrounding Charlie's death." I look down at the ring on my right finger. The one that should be on my left. "We were going to be married this Christmas. A small ceremony in Minnesota at the cabin. Just immediate family and friends."
Jack takes my hand and squeezes it. "I'm sorry again."
I feel the tears start to fall down my face and he pulls me into a hug. He holds me and rocks me as I let the tears finally fall. I've cried over everything else I've lost in my life, but I haven't allowed myself to cry over losing Jack. Over losing us. We stay embraced for a few moments and I finally pull myself together. "Thanks."
He hands me his handkerchief and I wipe my eyes with it. "No problem."
"Its getting late. I should probably get going."
"I could take you home if you'd like." he offers.
I shake my head. "Its probably for the best if we just say goodbye here."
"You're right. Come on. I'll wait up front with you for your cab." We walk hand in hand to the lobby where we wait for the cab to come around. When it pulls up, we turn to face one another again and he cups my face and I press a small kiss to his hand. He leans down and places a gentle kiss on my lips and I return it. "Goodbye Sam."
"Goodbye Jack. Thank you."
"Always." He opens the door for me and I climb into the back of the cab. Once I'm in, he shuts the door and puts his hands in his pockets. I wave as we pull away and I know without looking that he's watching me leave and the tears start up again. We didn't really talk much tonight but the little bits of conversation were wonderful. Tonight finally gave me a small sense of closure, well maybe not closure but something.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Three months later....
I finished loading my groceries into my car when I heard it. The unmistakable sound of an Alkesh flying overhead. I fumbled around for my phone. It was time. Time for me and the boys to set things right. As the phone rang, I sent up a silent message.
"I'm coming Jack. I'll see you soon."
~~Fin~~