Chasing The Wind

0o0o0o0o0o

“Sam, I’ll do whatever it takes. If Hammond decides that one of us has to leave here, I will. Gladly, if it means I get to keep you. Hell, Sam you know my knees are shot. I’m way older than any of the front line team leaders by years.”

“Dixon.” Sam interjected.

“What?” He didn’t follow her thoughts.

“Dixon is your age or within a year or two.” Sam kept looking at him as if it proved her point.

“So?”

“I saying you’re not too old and the SGC needs you. That’s all.” He tried to read her, but she’d pulled her mask down tight and left him with only doubt.

“Sam, you know Janet isn’t gonna keep pushing me through my physicals.” He studied her as she thought about that.

“Jack, are you lying about your knees?” She stared into his eyes as if she could read his mind. How could she possibly know that the trip down Baal’s private planet of hell had cured what ailed him? But this was Sam. How could he fool her?

He sank down and sat flat on the floor and rubbed his hands through his hair and down his face. Yeah, he was lying, but he thought only Janet knew the truth. For all the hell he’d gone through and the nightmares that would never stop, there was something good that had come from that torture chamber. He was as fit as a twenty year old.

Jack had lost count at twenty five. He really couldn’t remember much of the details after his twenty-fifth trip in Baal’s sarcophagus. It all seemed to run together. He did remember that without Daniel or rather the glow bug Daniel, he would never have managed to hold out. But he had and when Yu’s fleet bombarded Baal’s stronghold, Jack had moved on instinct alone. He couldn’t remember much of that either.

It was two weeks after he was claimed by Janet and her magic before he knew where he was or who for that matter. That was the worst time in his life, it even topped his four months in Iraq; although the torture there had been different and much more of a personal nature. He’d never told anyone the truth of those four months. Not even Sara.

Jack’s blank stare told Sam he had retreated into his own private hell. She lowered herself to his side and wrapped her arms around his chest and waist. “Jack?” She whispered in a low soft tone. He didn’t answer or look at her. “Jack? Talk to me.”

He turned his head slowly toward her, eyes focused on her blonde hair. He wouldn’t or couldn’t ever tell her all that was locked inside him. He had buried most of it so deep; at times it was if it had happened to another person. But other times it flashed it ugly head back so vividly that Jack knew it was real, so real that it seemed it was happening now.

Flashbacks! He hated them. He’d almost stopped having them about Iraq when he was sent to Abydos. Then the first six years of SG1 he’d refused to let them get a hold on him. Then came Baal and that damned spider web, and death after death after death.

Sam started to kiss up his neck, she called his name several times and he still had that glazed look. She didn’t want him to stay where he was in those nightmares. She was sorry she’d even asked him about his knees. She knew the truth, why had she wanted him to say it? She’d known from the first mission after his recovery from his captivity in Baal’s fortress.

Sam had spent hours watching her colonel after his release from the infirmary. She’d quizzed Janet over and over for details, using the premise that she’d need to know what signs to watch for in the field. But she really wanted to know what he’d had to go through. She felt most of the blame for him being there. If not for her, he’d never agreed to the Tok’ra symbiote. She knew that he did that for her, not for his own life.

Janet, being the doctor that she was, wouldn’t tell her much of anything. And she never mentioned anything at all about the screaming ramblings that Jack had relived again and again as she sat by his bedside and held his hand while he screamed out the pain again and again.

Janet would never tell anyone about Jack’s private hell. That was for him and him alone to share, and she knew Jack well enough to know he never would. But Sam never gave up, she’d asked at times when she thought Janet would say something. It never worked. Janet was too smart even if she was three sheets to the wind at the times that Sam picked to ask.

But Sam knew. In her heart she knew what had happened and it made her sick to think of it. She had never been able to do anything to help him until now. She moved to straddle his lap and placed both her hands on his face. Softy she called his name again, “Jack, I’m here.” She said nothing more, only gently rubbed his face. Leaning in she kissed his lips softly offering comfort. He still sat as still as a mouse but he did focus his eyes on hers.

She smiled. “I thought you’d left me for a while.” She kissed him softly again, and pressed her face into his neck. Whispering softly, “I love you. Jack. It’s okay. I know we’ll work it out.” She kept the soft mantra for several long moments until he moved his hands around her waist and pulled her tighter to his body.

“I want you so much, Sam. But we can’t here.”

“I know. Just hold me, Jack. That’s enough for now.” She laid her head back down on his shoulder and for several long minutes neither of them said anything. The needy look in his eyes had melted away any fear or doubt for Sam.

Jack’s hand moved slowly up her arm to her face lifting her chin to meet his gaze, “I don’t want to live my life without you intimately in it. Sam? SGC, SG1 or not. It’s you I want most.”

She realized he meant it. She really felt guilty that she wasn’t as ready to give up on the SCG or SG1 as he was. She loved him more than life itself, but to give up her life’s work and ambition?? She just wasn’t sure. But if he really was? Could she let him for her? Would Hammond?

“I need you, Sam. I realized how much when I found out you’d more than one date with that cop that I could lose you…. If not to him then to someone else…. I can’t let that happen.”

He had put his heart on the line, something he’d never done before. Never had Jack O’Neill begged a woman, not even his ex-wife, to be a part of his personal life. It just wasn’t him. But then, there was no other woman he’d ever loved, including the mother of his child like he did Sam. But he had been pushed as far as he could go with his heartfelt declarations. He had opened to her and said all he could. Now it was up to her. Sadness filled his eyes, he didn’t know if it was enough.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Teal’c stood outside the door of the interrogation room, “General Hammond has requested my presence here, airman.” His command held no doubt that he meant to enter the room. But the airman had their orders from the base commander and no one could counter them.

“Sorry, Sir, but General Hammond has requested no interruption unless the President himself calls. I can not let you go in.” Green’s replied was strong and his voice tone stated that he meant what he’d said, even if it was the big bad Jaffa that was demanding to enter the room. Green felt sure that if the general had wanted Teal’c inside, he’d left that message. He wasn’t afraid.

Teal’c stared at the marine. It was few humans or anyone for that matter that he couldn’t intimidate with his stony stare. That had been the catalyst for his trust in O’Neill from the beginning. Nothing intimidated O’Neill. Teal’c decided he liked this marine and that he could trust him. He would store that information for a time when it was needed.

“Very well, I shall wait here until he beckons me.” Teal’c didn’t change his face from the stoic glare, but his eyes were much softer. He took a stance similar to the one the marines had adopted and waited. Green let out a silent breath.

0o0o0o0o0o00

Pete looked up just as the door opened and the shorter red faced man walked in. He realized that this was a man of importance just by the way he held himself. As the general walked closer to the table where Pete was seated, Pete noticed the stars. Yep. Important.

Pete stood not wanting to add any more insult to what had occurred. His gut told him even before the general spoke that this was the same man he’d called in the middle of last night. He never took his eyes from the general’s. Pete was good at reading people. He recognized a steely determination hidden behind those soft blue eyes. Pete had never been fooled by a man’s appearance; strength came in all shapes, sizes and ages.

“Sir, I assume you’re General Hammond.” Pete was good at taking charge of a situation. It was part of what made him so good at his job.

“You assume right. I’m General Hammond, base commander of this facility.” Hammond’s gaze never softened. “Detective Shanahan, I have one question. Why the hell were you investigating my people?”

“I.. I’m dating Sam. Sam Carter. I just wanted to find out about her.” Pete’s voice started out a bit shaky but he quickly gained control of himself.

“You always go around having FBI searches down on your girlfriends?” Hammond’s voice held a slight edge of disgust to it.

“No Sir. Sam was so secretive. I just thought I could find out about her and not keep hounding her for information.” Pete kept eye contact with General Hammond.

“How long have you known Major Carter?”

“Little over a month, sir.” Pete knew he didn’t have to respect the general’s rank but he felt it to his advantage to do so.

“O’Neill?” Hammond’s inquiry was obvious.

“I. I saw them together. I didn’t like what I saw. I needed answers before I got anymore involved with Sam.”

Hammond knew well what Pete had seen. He was glad that Jack had seen fit to tell him everything. It really made his job easier and he trusted Jack even more. He knew how hard that admission from O’Neill and Carter had been for them.

“Did you and Major Carter have a committed relationship this fast? It’s not like Major Carter to move so fast. She never does anything impulsive. She has the most analytical mind I’ve ever know.” Well maybe she had moved pretty fast with O’Neill, but that really wasn’t spur of the moment either. They had been building into that heated explosion for years. No, after thinking about that thought, Hammond could honestly say, Sam was never impulsive.

O’Neill. Yeah, maybe. That’s one reason they fit so well together and why SG1 had meshed into a powerful team. All four of them were so different that together they were an unstoppable force.

“No, we weren’t committed. But I was hoping to have the opportunity to get there. But I needed to know about her. She wasn’t too open about her job.” Pete answered.

“Why were you in such a hurry? What reason did you have not to trust the major if you’d only know her for a month? I’m sure she told you her work was classified. Don’t you understand that she couldn’t be forthcoming about anything to do with her job?”

Hammond was digging. He had to be sure that Shanahan was telling the truth. What if he was working for one of the agencies that wanted control of the SGC or worst Kinsey who wanted to destroy them all?

0o0o0oo0o0o

“You won’t lose me.” For the first time Sam realized it would be impossible for her to let him go no matter the consequences. Maybe it was his vulnerability a few minutes ago, or maybe she knew it from the beginning. But Sam was one who simply had to analysis and dissect every part of her life, every decision. Nothing emotional had come easy for her since her mother’s death. She still was not on board with Jack retiring, but they would work out the details after they found out what Hammond would do.

Jack pulled her to his lips and kissed her deeply, although not lustfully. It was the first kiss they shared that spoke only of love and commitment, love and a future.

Pulling back enough to see his eyes, Sam smiled, “I love you too much to ever give you up.” He kissed her again, but this time desire and want was spilling into the contact. Fire burned through their bodies and warmth spread throughout.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Kinsey sat on the visitor’s side of the President’s desk. The President’s aide had Kinsey come in and wait. He’d been told that the President was aware that he was here and would be right with him.

The smirk on his face indicated he was well pleased with himself. Thanks to Farrity’s blunder he thought he was on to something he could use against O’Neill and Hammond. The fact that the President requested to see him only added to his certainty. It was well known that they didn’t set horses, especially where the Stargate Program was concerned.

All he had to do was keep digging. He made a mental note to find that snooping detective as soon as he left the Oval Office. He’d find out why he’d tried to investigate O’Neill and Carter if he had to have it beaten from him. The staff personnel he had working on this would find him. He’d had Farrity interrogated and he knew he was hiding something. He’d take care of him too. He didn’t like people who got in his way.

Who in their right mind would believe he’d done it as a favor for a friend or that he had no idea why the detective wanted the information. No, Kinsey would never buy that. He wasn’t born yesterday. No agent would investigate both Carter and O’Neill if they weren’t doing something that they needed to hide. And he was just the man to expose the blunder they had made. His gut told him that this cop, this Shanahan had something on them, something he could use. He’d always thought of himself as a patient man, he could wait this out. His smirk only became more pronounced.