Dr. Daniel Jackson sighed and shifted his pack a little as he stood on the ramp waiting to leave for P2X384. Great, he thought to himself as he watched one of his jacket buttons, knocked off by a shoulder strap, fall to the ramp with a gentle clink. It really didn't seem to be his day. He'd fallen asleep the night before, late, with only six pages left to read of a French archaeological survey. He hated to leave something undone that was so close to finishing, then falling asleep on the couch had meant he hadn't set the alarm. So he wasn't awake, much less ready to go when Jack had shown up at 5:00. He grimaced as he remembered Jack's delight in finding him still snoozing. One of these days Jack was going to succeed in causing a goddam heart attack, Daniel was sure. Never a morning person, waking up screaming scared witless by his best friend, then having to watch Jack laugh hysterically, had to be the worst way anyone ever had to start a day. At least the large cup of Starbuck's coffee was up on the counter out of reach of Daniel's thrashing limbs as he jerked to consciousness. "You're lucky I knew to come a half hour early!" Jack had shouted over the sound of the shower. "Yeah, yeah, yeah," Daniel muttered as he hurried through his morning routine. Then he had walked out without the cup of coffee and by the time he'd gotten buckled into his seat in Jack's jeep, it was too late to go back for it. So he could only glower out the window at the predawn sky all the way to Cheyenne Mountain. And now his uniform was falling apart. He sighed again. Maybe the folks on the planet would be semi-sentient. And have something with caffeine in it.
Initially things had gone quite well. The inhabitants were friendly and seemed very peaceful and pastoral. Translating the simple language started to make Daniel feel better about the day. Eventually the conversation had shown that the natives had a great deal of interest in the Stargate. The team was careful not to tell them more than they were ready to know. Their leader, Apokkan, asked another question. Carter shifted and squinted off into the distance, eager to get going collecting samples. Teal'c remained vigilant. Daniel bit his lower lip for a moment, thinking. "Ummm...yeah. They want to know how to use the Stargate. To travel." Before O'Neill could respond, Apokkan asked another question. Daniel raised an eyebrow and glanced sideways at O'Neill. "Actually, they want our home coordinates."
O'Neill shrugged and adjusted his sunglasses. "Tell them sorry. Maybe someday."
This time Apokkan took a step toward Daniel and made a thrusting gesture with his hand. The words were clearly angry.
Daniel listened and translated. "They, uhhhhh, insist."
O'Neill snorted impatiently. "Well bully for them. C'mon, kids, we're blowing this popsicle stand." He began to turn around.
Apokkan uttered a sharp word. Daniel only had time to shout, "Jack - he - " before every villager had whipped aside their robes and produced very lethal looking projectile weapons. Each team member had at least five muzzles aimed at them.
"Whoa," whispered Carter to Teal'c, "not exactly as primitive as they let on, are they?" Teal'c raised an eyebrow in agreement.
The team was quickly divested of all their mechanical devices and packs and shoved into a line.
Apokkan paced slowly in front of them. Daniel translated in the flat monotone he used when he was concentrating hard. "My new friends, why are you being unreasonable? I ask for little." This time SG1 wasn't fooled by the beguiling manner. No one responded. "So. You would have me force this from you? Such a thing would distress me." He smiled, a predator's smile. "Truly."
He paused in front of O'Neill. "Are you not responsible for these people's well being? And how would you feel should one come to harm?" He stepped to Carter, lifted her chin. "Answer me!" O'Neill did not reply. Apokkan released Carter. His jaw tightened. "Very well. You choose to resist, now...I will choose."
The team exchanged glances, not liking this at all. Apokkan stopped in front of Teal'c, looked at him closely, snorted derisively. "Soldat." "Soldier," Daniel echoed quietly. He repeated the word twice more as he gazed at Carter and O'Neill.
Daniel felt himself begin to flush as Apokkan came to a dead halt in front of him. He smiled broadly and rocked up and down on his toes. "Wich t'hear," he said. "Malact hist," Daniel snapped back. O'Neill waited. Daniel didn't translate.
"Wha'd he say, Danny?" asked Jack. Daniel shot a glance his way, then reluctantly answered him. "He said...weak link."
Apokkan's smile became beatific as he reached a hand toward Daniel's face. Daniel slapped his hand away. Instantly, both his arms were grabbed and pinned painfully behind him. The other members, after a struggle, were immobilized as well. Jack continued a steady stream of threats and curses, but Apokkan didn't even glance at him. He reached out again, and gently removed Daniel's glasses, folding them neatly. "Let me go!" snarled Daniel through clenched teeth. Apokkan turned to O'Neill. Daniel translated, "The coordinates, please." O'Neill replied with a curse. Apokkan nodded thoughtfully and held out Daniel's glasses to Jack. O'Neill clamped his jaw and looked away.
Apokkan dropped the glasses to the dirt and stepped on them, crushing them. He gently brushed Daniel's hair back in a tender gesture that made his stomach roil. He traced the side of Daniel's face, rubbed his finger lightly across his lips. Daniel and the others, held firmly in place, had to endure it.
Apokkan stepped back and nodded at one of his men. The man immediately swung a heavy fist, slamming it into Daniel's unprotected abdomen. Daniel had braced himself as best he could but it still doubled him over and made him gasp for breath. The attacker pulled him upright by his hair and crashed his fist into Daniel's jaw. The man holding him let go and he hit the ground on all fours. "Okay," he thought. "No big deal. I'm okay, I'm okay."
He was pulled to his feet. Apokkan brushed his hair back again, dabbed at the blood at the corner of his mouth. He raised an eyebrow as if asking permission. Daniel crashed to the ground again, and again, over and over. Finally, he closed his eyes and slipped away to darkness.
Two
Daniel awoke abruptly, coughing and choking as a deluge of ice cold water was poured in his face. He rolled over with a groan and vomited. He noted idly that his head felt like it was split in two and his stomach wasn't much better. He gasped, drawing his knees to his chest as Apokkan poured the rest of the bucket's contents over his body. His arms were tied tightly behind his back and he had been stripped to the waist. He started to shiver in the cold night air. Apokkan squatted down beside him. Daniel could hear Carter and the others call to him reassuringly. Apokkan spoke. "I'm sorry you're not feeling well. Does this mean you don't want any dinner?" He thrust a rancid, charred piece of meat under Daniel's nose. Daniel's stomach heaved and he had to roll to the side again, gagging and spitting till he was gasping for breath. Apokkan produced a cloth and gently wiped Daniel's face. "There now - oh I do apologize. How unpleasant."
He pulled Daniel to a sitting position, ignoring his involuntary groan. "Have you come to your senses? Surely you know how much worse this will get." Daniel closed his eyes. "No, no - don't fall asleep yet," said Apokkan. "You have to help me with a wager. We're trying to schedule tomorrow's activities. Are you more afraid of knives...or fire?"
Daniel stared at him dully. Apokkan slapped his hands on his thighs and stood up. "Never mind. We'll find out tomorrow. Sleep well."
Sam couldn't take her eyes off Daniel's shivering form. He had hitched himself as best he could toward the rest of the team, but he was tethered to a tree and could get no closer than about 20 yards. Their guards wouldn't let them approach him. She knew that it was far worse to be in Daniel's shoes at this point, but it was extremely painful for her to have to watch her close friend endure this. He seemed to take the brunt of the abuse for the team, yet always seemed to bounce back without lasting effect. Well, almost...his eyes had aged these last couple of years, reflecting the hard lessons he'd absorbed. Now they often seemed guarded, weary, full of pain. Sam mourned the loss of the childlike wonder she used to see so much. Well. When they got off this planet she would insist they all take a week off and have some fun together. She'd see to it the sparkle got back in his eyes, if only for a few days. Her thoughts were interrupted by his voice.
"Jack?"
"What, Daniel?"
"I have decided...this place totally sucks...can we go home now?"
Jack tried for a light note. "Awwww. You science geeks are always complaining. At least they offeredyousome dinner."
A very weak "ha, ha," floated back through the darkness.
"Sir - " Carter started, but O'Neill glanced at her and she stopped short. All her worry and concern were mirrored in O'Neill's eyes. "Teal'c, guards?" asked Jack without looking away from Carter.
"Four total, working four hour shifts, replacing two every two hours."
O'Neill nodded thoughtfully. That's what he'd seen, too. "They're overconfident. There's no one guarding just Daniel or that shed where they put our stuff." He took in a breath, let it out slowly. "Okay. We'll give it a couple more hours, then we take out the guards. Quietly. I grab Daniel, Teal'c, you get our stuff, and Carter you run like hell to the gate and start dialing. Has it had enough time to recharge?""
Carter nodded. "There were four solid hours of sunlight after we used it, that should have been plenty of time."
Daniel awoke from a restless doze to feel a hand pressed firmly over his mouth. He sat up, startled and alarmed. "Shhhhhh." He nodded, and the hand was removed. He felt the rope on his arms being cut away. He clenched his jaw to keep quiet as normal circulation returned to stiff muscles. O'Neill patted him on the back. His voice was the barest whisper brushed in his ear. "Time to go home, buddy. Can you walk?" Daniel nodded. Hell yes he could.
Rocky incline, stumbling, running. Jack's arm around his shivering body, supporting his weight, pulling him along. Daniel's legs buckled. "C'mon," O'Neill grunted as he tugged Daniel to his feet. He took a quick look back and wished he hadn't. "Let's go, Danny, they're right behind us" Daniel didn't answer - he needed every breath just to keep on his feet. Carter had all ready dialed in for home by the time Daniel and O'Neill caught up. Projectiles began whining all around them. Sam dashed up the ramp and was gone. Teal'c was just outside the gate, covering their retreat with blasts from his staff weapon. O'Neill waved him on with his free arm. "Go. GO!" They were two steps from safety when O'Neill was hit in the back of his shoulder. The arm supporting Daniel immediately dropped, paralyzed. Daniel fell back and tumbled several yards down the incline. O'Neill swayed, unable to force his body to obey his commands. Two pairs of horrified eyes locked. Daniel tried to get up, but his legs buckled again. He started trying to scramble to safety on all fours. There was a whirling sensation in Jack's head, everything was receding. He shouted, "DAN-!" The poison finished its work. Jack fell forward, through the gate, unconscious.
Three
O'Neill blinked, slowly recognizing the smells, sounds and sights of the infirmary. He tried to sit up, but laid back with a gasp. Teal'c deep, calm voice was reassuring. "It is good to see you awaken, Colonel O'Neill."
Jack's eyes snapped open. "Daniel!" Sam's hand came down on his other shoulder. "Sir, please rest. You've been comatose for four days."
"What? Where's Daniel? Is he okay?" He anxiously swept the room, then looked up at Sam. Her anguished face with its reddened eyes answered his question. "He didn't make it through."
"No sir," whispered Sam. "We went back as soon as the gate was recharged but everyone had completely disappeared. There was no sign of Daniel. General Hammond has sent four search teams, but...not a trace."
"God," said O'Neill. "Oh, God, Danny." The thought of his gentle friend being subjected to torture, knowing his friends couldn't reach him...
Four
O'Neill stood in Daniel's apartment, carefully pouring out the very moldy remains of that forgotten cup of coffee. He'd come by several times in the ten days since Daniel had vanished. He'd deliberately left the coffee cup alone, he just hadn't felt right about throwing it away. It had been a strange but tangible reminder of that last day, a link to his friend. O'Neill sighed and leaned against the kitchen counter. He was exhausted beyond words, had been back to the planet himself repeatedly. Today, over Jack's vehement protest which had resulted in a strongly worded invitation to go home and rest, General Hammond had trimmed back the search party to one team. "Colonel, we simply cannot keep this many people tied up searching for one man indefinitely. I feel badly about this, but I've made up my mind."
"Sir, we can't give up on him. He's still there and he needs our help! It's my fault he got left him behind - we have to get him home!"
"No, you don't, Colonel. We can't prove he's there, after all. We don't know they didn't already gate somewhere else."
"That's not possible, sir. You know that."
Jack rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. Threw the cup in the trash. Went back to the base.
Later, dozing reluctantly, he slipped into the nightmare he'd had every time he closed his eyes. Daniel struggling. Screaming in pain. Calling out Jack's name. Jack bolted upright, out of breath, sweating from every pore. He'd wished to God this was only a dream, but he knew better. He sat a moment, waiting for the shaking to stop, then heard the unmistakable sound of the gate being activated. He bolted to see if there was any news.
The search team stumbled through, words tumbling over themselves. "We saw him! He's alive!"
The team had been too far away to do anything but watch as Dr. Jackson, under heavy guard, dialed up the gate and stepped through with about 20 heavily armed hostiles, including Apokkan. His hands appeared to be bound in front of him and he had to be supported as he walked, but there was no doubt it was Daniel.
Unfortunately, the team was too far away to positively identify the seven chevrons.
General Hammond spread his hands. "Well, where is he? He didn't come here!"
"He wouldn't," said O'Neill quietly. "He took them somewhere else. He let them think they broke him, then took them God knows where." Jack's words brought all conversation to a halt as they were absorbed by the others.
It was one of the longest days Jack had ever experienced. Combinations containing the chevrons the search team thought they'd seen were dialed and checked, to no avail. There was nothing for SG-1 to do but wait and wonder. No one felt like talking, but they didn't want to be alone, either. It was very similar to waiting to hear news in the infirmary, only much, much longer. Finally, late the next day after the search team got back, General Hammond broke protocol and allowed an unauthorized traveler through. Everyone held their breath, as the two dozen heavily armed troops took aim at the center of the circle.
It was Daniel. He was alone. His hands were still bound in front of him. He blinked, swaying, blearily taking in his surroundings, for just a moment, then without a word or hint of recognition collapsed heavily onto the metal grating.
Five
Daniel sighed. He'd never been more comfortable in his life. He kept his eyes closed, enjoying the almost overwhelming sensation of clean, dry, warmth. He couldn't think clearly past the fuzzy blur in his head, so he couldn't remember why that seemed strange. But then, as he woke up more, he became aware of other things, light on the other side of his eyelids, sounds of machinery, voices. He shifted slightly, then, suddenly, white hot bolts of pain radiated up and down his left arm from fingertips to shoulder. Bruised and twisted muscles and joints throbbed all over his body. His chest and abdomen with their collection of burns and cuts were especially painful. He gritted his teeth and opened his eyes with a groan, remembering. But where was he now? It appeared to be the infirmary at SGC, but he had no memory of dialing home. And they had tried drugging him into thinking he was safe and home once before and he had almost been fooled into giving away the symbols to the dream Sam who'd been so soothing, so convincing. "We need you to draw the symbols, Daniel, so we can be sure it's you..." He couldn't remember what had kept him from falling for the trap, but when he had refused, they had turned on him very quickly.
He had no memory of dialing home no matter how hard he tried to concentrate. Which meant, somehow, somewhere, Apokkan and his men must have caught up with him. Despair and loneliness slammed through him, totally replacing his initial happiness. Slowly, he gathered bitter resolve, to continue to fight, to resist.
Jack, dozing soundly by Daniel's bedside, was awakened by some sound but quickly replaced his relieved smile with a worried frown. "Hey - hey there Daniel. Don't -" Daniel didn't even glance at him as he dropped the IV needle he'd pulled from his arm with his teeth onto the bed. He hissed in pain as he hitched himself to a sitting position at the head of the bed, carefully gathering his useless, heavily bandaged left arm in its sling into his lap.
"Danny," said Jack, quietly, reaching out a hand, trying to reassure him. Unfortunately it had the opposite effect; this was all too familiar.
Daniel's voice was low and deadly. "Don't. Touch. Me."
Dr. Frasier pulled up short after entering the room. "What's going on?" O'Neill shook his head. Frasier came closer. "Daniel, you can't take the IV out yet. You need to let me put it back in, okay?"
Daniel edged away from her as far as he could. "No. No more drugs."
Jack tried again. "Daniel, you're home. It's okay. Let us help you."
Daniel closed his eyes. It was so hard to focus, to think clearly. Just like before. He looked again at Jack, exhausted. "You think I don't remember that you tried this before?" His voice lowered to a whisper. "How did you do it?"
O'Neill looked confused. "Huh?"
Daniel shook his head. "I know this isn't real. I know, somehow, you caught me. I don't -" He pressed his lips together, closed his eyes. "You did this before. Drugged me up, made me think I'd made it back to Earth?" He shook his head, mouth set in a grim smile which contained none of his usual warmth or humor. "Won't work." He leaned forward, staring straight into O'Neill's eyes. "You're going to have to start over again. I will fight you. I will fight and I will never take you to Earth."
General Hammond, Dr. Frasier, and most of SG-1 met in the conference room. Dr. Frasier was speaking. "Well, his blood sample showed evidence of something similar to the paralyzing agent used on Colonel O'Neill. It may have hallucinogenic properties, and may be causing the paranoia."
"Of course, being held prisoner and tortured tends to make people just a little paranoid, too," added O'Neill darkly.
"What is his current condition?" asked General Hammond.
"He's hostile and suspicious. Won't let anyone near him. He took out his IV and won't eat or drink anything. I think it's safe to assume he would fight all attempts to put the IV back in. We could restrain him, of course, or sedate him, but..."
"Then he really would think we're torturing him again," said Carter.
Hammond frowned. "What are the consequences if we let him alone? How long will it take the drugs to wear off sufficiently?"
Frasier waved a hand toward Jack. "Well, he was out four days with lingering effects for two more. I'd say he should improve enough in the next day or two, if it reacts basically the same way. Medically, it's risky. None of his injuries are life threatening at this point, but he's dehydrated, malnourished, exhausted, and needs a lot of antibiotics and pain killers. His left arm is a real mess."
"But his life is not in danger."
"No, not at this point."
"Then I think we keep a close eye on him and try to let him work through this," said Hammond.
"Unless his condition worsens," added Frasier, in a tone that left no room for debate.
The team went to the infirmary. General Hammond and Dr. Frasier watched from the observation window.
Carter sat on the edge of the bed, flanked silently by Teal'c and O'Neill. "Daniel, I know you can't let yourself believe this now, but you're home. We're your friends."
Daniel stared at the wall, expressionless. Carter continued. "We just had a meeting with General Hammond and Dr. Frasier. We're very concerned about you. If we want to, we can put you in restraints and the IV back in your arm."
At that Daniel turned his attention fully to his visitors, trying to guess their intentions. "So why don't you just do that?"
Carter shook her head quickly. "No, no. We're not going to do that. Daniel, you've been brainwashed chemically. It's going to wear off in the next day or so. We're going to try to let you recover by yourself. But you need to help yourself. There's food on that tray, water, and some pills to help with the pain and infection."
He shook his head sharply. "Just get out."
Teal'c took a step closer. "Daniel Jackson, please believe us." He lifted a hand, then dropped it to his side. Daniel watched them leave. When the door closed, he glanced at the tray for a long moment, then closed his eyes and turned away. His face crumpled, releasing its mask of disinterest, revealing tremendous pain and despair.
Gradually they heard him talking quietly to himself as he rocked slightly back and forth, cradling his broken arm. "I can do this. I will make it. They will come back for me. I will make it. I won't give up on Jack - Jack won't give up on me." No one dared glance at O'Neill.
Six
It was late. O'Neill sat with his head resting on his arms, which were propped on the back of the chair. He was watching Daniel sleep. He almost had him on the verge of accepting the truth a couple of times today, he thought, before Daniel had snapped back defensively. He'd tried to talk about hockey, politics, hell, he'd even read aloud from some of Daniel's completely incomprehensible articles from several years earlier. Sam Carter had come and talked to him about some vacation they were all going to take together when he got better. That had sure sounded good to O'Neill. Even Daniel seemed to be somewhat interested. But only for a moment. Teal'c spent most of his time standing quietly, just a solid, reassuring presence.
O'Neill stood up as quickly as he could as General Hammond and Dr. Frasier walked in. "At ease, Colonel."
Exhausted, O'Neill gratefully settled back down by Daniel's side.
Dr. Frasier broke the little silence. "What did you want to discuss, General?"
The General stared down at Daniel. "I want to know exactly what they did to him."
"It's in the - "
"I read the report, Janet," then softening his tone suddenly, "I want to hear it. Tell me what those bastards did to this boy."
Janet stood for a moment, gathering her thoughts. And sighed. "They starved him. Didn't give him enough water. Left him out in the weather. He's sleep deprived. They drugged him. A lot. Beat him - not seriously, just enough to hurt like hell and crack several ribs. They burned his arms and chest with something, used a knife on him, too. There were about a dozen small stab wounds on his abdomen. Again, not life threatening, just very painful and frightening. Then - his arm. I think they started with his fingers - broke all four of them. Broke his wrist, forearm. Dislocated his shoulder. Then they stuck his arm up to the elbow in boiling water -" O'Neill and Hammond grimaced -"not enough to seriously damage his arm, just hurt him. A lot."
"Real professionals," commented O'Neill sarcastically.
General Hammond stepped closer to the bed. As gently as he would with a sleeping child, he lifted up the blanket covering Daniel's torso. Hammond looked, shook his head. He let out a long sigh and tucked the blanket back in like it was, rested a hand on Daniel's head briefly. He didn't look at either Frasier or O'Neill and seemed to be talking to himself. "This is the hard part of the job. They put this boy - my boy now - through hell. And he didn't break. Not even military and he got away. All by himself. Who would have thought." He seemed lost in thought, remembering those first few days when the overstressed General and the lost but determined archeologist had formed some pretty quick incorrect conclusions about each other. Then he collected himself. He turned squarely to O'Neill, his eyes bright and infinitely weary. "He'll need support. Torture is - well you know how it is. You'll help him through it?"
O'Neill snapped to his feet. "Of course I will, sir." He settled back into the chair when the others left the room. "I'm here, Danny," he whispered.
Daniel carefully considered all that had been said since Hammond and Frasier had come into the room. He had only been lightly dozing and had hoped, by pretending to be asleep, to find out what they were up to. Instead, he was only confused. They didn't sound like his enemy at all - and why would they pretend when he was asleep? He couldn't understand and it was still just too difficult to think past the blur in his head.
Seven
Next day, Jack became aware that Daniel was gazing steadily at him. "How ya feeling?" asked Jack.
Daniel honestly didn't know. His head felt clear for the first time since the mission had started. His eyes were able to focus as well as they ever did and he'd lost the vague, fuzzed out sensation that he'd thought was now his constant companion. He'd awakened after sleeping soundly for hours, and now had spent some time thinking. He was really wondering now if he had been mistaken about being recaptured. If only he could figure out how he'd gotten home - some way to know for sure. "If this is Earth, how did I get here?"
Jack frowned. Not a good question. "We have no idea. All we know is you came through, alone, about 20 hours after you went through the gate on P2X384. Don't know where the hell you were all that time. I have a feeling you were unconscious most of the time."
"No," replied Daniel slowly, "I..." he shook his head sharply, stopping himself.
Jack bit his lip in frustration.
"Why didn't the iris -" his voice trailed off and Jack knew this was a test.
"Why didn't the iris squish you? Because we saw you go through the gate. But we didn't know where you went. We knew you would try to get home and you didn't have a transmitter. We took a chance."
Daniel paled. "You took a big chance."
"Damn straight. You're lucky you got friends."
Daniel lay quietly a few more minutes, gazing at the ceiling, then came to a decision. He sat up, with difficulty. He was still in a lot of pain when he moved and very weak, in spite of the water he'd reluctantly been drinking. "Can I take a look around?"
O'Neill raised an eyebrow. "Sure. Where?"
"The gate room."
Daniel jerked back so hard when O'Neill touched his good arm he nearly fell. Jack instantly backed up, raising his hands. "Sorry - sorry, I forgot."
Daniel leaned against the wall, gritting his teeth against the wave of pain, shaking all over. "If you guys are really you guys I'm going to feel so stupid when this is over..." Slowly he pulled himself upright. Then looked down. "Oh. Guess I need some pants."
"And a robe," added Jack dryly. "You're too sorry looking to be walking around like that. Scare the women and children."
O'Neill walked a little ahead of Daniel, waving medical staff and the curious away. Teal'c and Carter wouldn't hear of that, of course, and joined the silent procession.
Daniel stood at the base of the ramp, looking up at the control room, lost in thought. Everything looked completely familiar. He turned and looked at the Stargate. He remembered the first time he'd ever gone through it. He took a couple of steps up the ramp. The rest of the team stood off to the side, talking quietly but watching him closely. He felt their eyes on him. This has to be Earth, he thought. They had only concern for him in their eyes, no questions, no gleam of anticipation. Still - Apokkan had fooled him that first day with his phony manner.
Daniel smiled, remembering how he'd thought that day had gotten off to a bad start merely because of a forgotten cup of coffee and a lost button - his eyes widened and snapped down at the ramp. His heart, breath, and life seemed to freeze. The button! He squinted, wishing he had his damn glasses. He walked to where he'd been standing. Lowered himself stiffly, painfully. Ignored the whispers behind him. Searched. He prayed to all the gods he could think of as he searched. And there it was. An insignificant, tiny button. His proof. He sat down abruptly, button clenched in his right hand, huge smile lighting up the entire room like a supernova. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so decided to do both. Enthusiastically. He heard cautious footsteps behind him, a careful hand on his back. Without opening his eyes he said, "Jack, for heaven's sake will you please help me back to the infirmary and give me a lot of Demerol? Just don't lose this," and he pressed the button into Jack's hand and passed out.
Eight
Sweat ran down his face as he struggled, as they held his hand over the boiling water. Then - he screamed.
"Daniel. Daniel!"
"Jack?!"
His eyes snapped open, searching the room wildly for the moment it took to find O'Neill. He reached out, grabbing and holding Jack's forearm. "Please don't leave. Please..."
"I won't."
Daniel relaxed and closed his eyes. "Finally I'm back home, in a decent bed and I'm freaking out. I'm really sorry."
"It's normal, pal. It'll take awhile to get used to being back. Just give it some time."
"It's like I'm...too comfortable. Can't relax."
"Well...I could dump you on the floor..."
Daniel's grip tightened in appreciation. "No, that's okay. Don't have to go to all that much trouble."
Nine
The first debriefings took place in Daniel's infirmary room. It was tight quarters, because Dr. Frasier had moved him into one of the quarantine rooms, just to give him a little more privacy as he continued his recovery. Daniel had been reporting for some time, at his own pace, sometimes sidestepping details too hard to talk about as yet. "I knew I had to do something when Apokkan said he was going to start...cutting off my fingers. He always told me exactly what he was going to do, you see, and he always followed through. I knew it wasn't a bluff. So - well. That was my limit."
"I should hope so," snorted General Hammond. "Then you took them where?"
"P2X421."
"Do what?" asked Jack.
"Ummmm, I called it Waterworld, you remember? The gate was-"
"Under water!" interrupted Jack. He snapped upright. "You took them there? Are you nuts? Never mind. Of course you are." He rubbed his hair with both hands like he did when he really wanted to yell. "Jesus, Daniel!"
"Yeah, well, I figured that they'd be so surprised to find themselves underwater they'd forget me and be trying to get to the surface. Which is exactly what happened. By the time I kicked over to the DHD they were long gone. But just to make sure I went through to four or five other places and hid and watched for awhile. I think I did pass out a couple of times. And I still don't remember dialing home. I'm lucky you let me through - I still hadn't figured out how to get back."
"You'd just about had it by the time you came through," said Sam, reaching out and patting his leg.
"One tough geek," muttered O'Neill.
"Dr. Jackson, you are to be commended, that's for sure. Your conduct in this matter was admirable, and I'm very glad to have you home," General Hammond said as he rose to his feet. "If you'll excuse me, I have another meeting. Get some rest, Dr. Jackson. You've earned it."
Daniel smiled and did just that.
Epilogue
O'Neill pulled into his driveway around 12:30 a.m. It had taken him that long to finish up this latest set of meaningless paperwork. At least he could sleep late in the morning. His headlights flashed across Daniel's parked vehicle. Ahhh. Mystery solved. He picked up his phone and dialed. "Carter? Yeah. He's at my place. Uh-huh. I'll let you know. Night."
Sam seemed to have a sixth sense of when Daniel was going to have a bad night - Sha're nights, they called them behind his back. He'd be in the lab all night. Or maybe Sam's place. Anywhere, it seemed but home in bed. And sometimes he would come here. He'd had a lot of them in the few weeks since this last mission, to no-one's surprise.
Jack walked into his house and turned on the lights. No sign of Daniel. He glanced around on his way to his bedroom, then quickly skimmed out of his uniform and into the shower. Threw on a pair of sweats and went down to the kitchen. Still seeing no sign of his friend, he snagged most of a six pack of beer from the fridge with one finger and headed for the roof. Daniel was just where he'd expected, knees pulled up to his chin, arms wrapped around his legs, eyes lost and full of pain, thoughts millions of miles away. Sometimes he'd talk Jack's ears off. Sometimes Jack couldn't get two words at a time out of him. Those nights were the worst.
He zipped up his sweatshirt and watched the unmoving silhouette of his friend for awhile, then came a little closer. "You all right?"
"No," came the low voice. "Please just go."
Jack cocked an eyebrow. "Well it is my roof you know," he pointed out mildly.
"Oh - I didn't - I'm sorry." The apologetic tone sounded strained. Dammit, thought Jack, a bad one.
"It's all right. I was kidding you."
Daniel drew in a long breath, let it out. Said nothing.
Jack settled into a chair, took a long drink of beer. "Can't sleep?"
Daniel shook his head. "No. Having a massive pity party instead." He suddenly swiveled to face Jack. "Appoken was right, you know. I am a weak link. I'm a liability to the team. Everytime we go up against a bunch of hostile force-the-issue types, they seem to zero in on me."
Jack tossed him a beer. Daniel absently thumped the top, as Jack had taught him to do, opened it and swallowed. "Go on," said Jack.
"I - I just can't believe you have the confidence to keep taking me out there with you sometimes. I know you wouldn't have ever done it if I hadn't pushed so hard. Maybe... I was wrong to do that." He dropped his eyes to the rooftop, out of words.
Then it was Jack's turn. "I'm sorry if you think I've been keeping score. The one reason - the only reason - I regret you're not military is because you truly don't understand what it means to be part of a team. Nobody considers you a liability. In any way. Hell, the contributions you make...you're so blind sometimes. How many times have you saved the team, saved me? Do you keep count of that? You want me to rattle them off?"
Daniel, flushing, shook his head. "You've done everything I've asked you to do," continued Jack. "The fitness program, the self defense courses, the firearms practice...look. I'm not expecting you to learn to field strip a machine gun. You're not a soldier and I don't want you to be one. So stop feeling sorry for yourself or I'll kick your sorry ass all the way back to Abydos without using the Stargate. Clear?"
Daniel smiled suddenly. "Oh yeah. I promise." He spread his hands. "As usual, what can I say but thanks for listening?"
"No problem. Finish your beer." He pointed up into the sky over Daniel's shoulder. "Have I ever told you about that constellation with the squiggly line there?"
End