The Damage Done
I was in the shower, contemplating my navel.
Okay – it was a little south of my navel, but I was feeling inordinarily pleased at the fact that I could still see down that far. Those crunches were still working.
As the water splashed around me, I thought about my life over the last few months.
Being a general still held certain charms, but there were a few down sides.
The easy camaraderie that I had had with the other personnel at the SGC had changed. Now when I walked into the mess hall there was always a sudden silence as if they were wondering why I wasn’t eating in my own quarters.
I mean – I have hardly ever eaten in my quarters. Why would I change now?
And people didn’t joke around me any more. I use to joke around General Hammond, but thinking on it, I realised that I was the only one that did.
And I wasn’t there to joke anymore.
I was here.
I know what I mean.
Even Carter had changed. Only a bit, but enough for me to notice. She was more formal and I could see her thinking about everything before she said it, as if working out the consequences and my reactions to each sentence.
Daniel – now he was a separate case. After his initial reaction to my promotion and subsequent undumbing, he seemed very supportive. That’s when I saw him. He spent most of his time off world or in his office. I was beginning to think that he was avoiding me.
Only Teal’c stayed the same. But then Teal’c had always treated me with respect, except when eating ice cream. Nothing had changed there.
It’s lonely at the top.
So there I was, humming in the nice hot shower, pondering on life, the universe and the idiosyncrasies of my team mates, when …
“Thor!” Angry was an understatement. I was standing, shivering on an Asgard space ship.
Dripping.
“Thor!” There was no sign of the sneaky little grey …
“Thor!”
It isn’t warm on these ships. I was going to catch my death of cold and just how embarrassing would that be to explain – dying due to alien induced nakedness?
“Hello, O’Neill.”
Crap! I wish he wouldn’t do that, sneak up on a guy when he was most vulnerable.
I proceeded to explain, in words of one syllable, that I needed clothes NOW. And that a towel would be nice. That’s if it wasn’t too much trouble.
So a towel and a set of beamed up BDU’s later and I was ready to have a heart to heart with the Asgard High Commander.
“Thor buddy, you can’t do this.” I knelt and looked him straight in the eye.
“Do what, O’Neill?” There was that somewhat surprising air of innocence about him that I had noticed on other occasions.
“Beam me up like this. I’m in charge now, Thor. General Jack O’Neill, Supreme Commander of the SGC, Friend to Presidents and Defender of Earth. You can’t just beam me up whenever you feel like it.” I stood up straight and tall and looked down on him with an air of superiority. “You have to make an appointment.”
Then I spoilt the effect by laughing.
I never could keep a straight face.
I did manage to convince him to let me contact the Base and forestall a wild hunt for their missing leader. I was a little disappointed when I found out that they hadn’t noticed I was gone. I mean – how long do they think that I take in the shower?
Then we got down to business.
It wasn’t a nice business.
Ba’al was back.
o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o
Over what passed for coffee and cake with the Asgards – some little yellow squares and a couple of pink triangles - Thor filled me in.
It wasn’t really the Asgards that wanted help, it was the Tokra. And it wasn’t my help that they had asked for.
It seems that Ba’al had gotten a little too big for his boots. After our misguided collaboration, he had started spreading his tentacles throughout Goa’uld held space
He was an opportunist.
Then he got close to the new Tokra base.
The Tokra were running out of planets to escape to and they had decided that enough was enough. They wanted to stop Ba’al once and for all.
They asked the Asgard for help.
And this is where it gets good.
The Asgard told them that they couldn’t help directly, but that they would send an expert on Ba’al to assist them
No points for guessing who the Asgard’s expert was.
General Jack, expert in Ba’al, at your service.
To say that I was stunned was an understatement.
I so did not like where this was heading.
o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o
An hour into our flight towards the Tokra planet and I was still pacing the floor. It wasn’t just the thought of Ba’al that had me worried - although I have to admit that there were a few butterflies in my stomach trying to escape and fly off - it was the Base.
Jack O’Neill worried about his paper work building up.
Okay, it wasn’t that.
I was worried about my people.
I had got use to them.
Everyone from the colonels to the cleaners.
They were my responsibility.
o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o
Thor and I were standing on the transporter spot, about to beam down to the Tokra base.
“So they’re expecting us, Thor?” I was really just filling the silence. I didn’t expect his answer.
“Not exactly, O’Neill. They are expecting me to accompany the Asgard expert.”
I had a sudden feeling of apprehension.
“Thor?”
Too late.
There was that sense of disorientation and we were in what looked like a meeting room. The looks on the faces in front of me gave me the answer to my unspoken question.
The Tokra sure as hell hadn’t been told who the expert was.
“Jack?” Jacob was standing a little to my left. There were about six other Tokra in the room, all with identical expressions.
“Jacob.” I plastered an emotionless look on my face and stared him down.
We stood like two gunslingers waiting for the other to make the first move.
Gershaw broke the silence by tearing her gaze from the sight of me standing in her base and appealing to my companion.
“Thor, where is the expert that we were promised?”
In the same placid tone that he used whenever he spoke, Thor replied, “He is standing in front of you.” He seemed to be milking the situation for all that it was worth.
I could live with that.
You could have heard a pin drop.
“Colonel O’Neill?”
Ah! Never did get around to informing them about the changes at the SGC. There hadn’t really seemed to be any point.
“General O’Neill is more than qualified to answer any questions that you have about the System Lord Ba’al. He also has some suggestions for dealing with him that you may wish to consider.”
Thor was right you know. I was qualified. Thanks to his little brain download doohickie that I had been hooked up to for several hours while on his ship.
There weren’t many that I would trust to do that to me.
Alright – Thor was the only one.
It hadn’t been quite the buzz that the Ancient’s download had been, but it came a close second.
Just so long as I didn’t start babbling in Asgardian.
Asgardish.
Whatever.
I didn’t get super power knowledge or anything and I wasn’t about to go racing off to build an anti Goa’uld weapon with a few paper clips and some duct tape, but I did know a lot more than I wanted to about the System Lords.
Can I just say – yuck!
Way too much information.
“General O’Neill?” That was good old Jacob. As quick on the uptake as usual.
I smiled that disingenuous smile that I had got so good at since George had been shot.
“Didn’t you get your memo?”
It’s very hard to snigger inwardly.
It tickles.
“I will leave you now, O’Neill.” I could swear that my good buddy Thor was having trouble restraining his own laughter.
I wonder how Asgards laugh?
Okay – brain coming up with very bad images.
Don’t go there, Jack.
I nodded solemnly, as befitted my position of Asgard Expert, then turned away as the white beam of light took Thor back to his nice safe ship.
And left me being glared at by several very annoyed Tokra.
o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o
Several exchanges of insults and a little shouting later and the Tokra were, albeit begrudgingly, resigned to the fact that I was all that they were going to get.
Only Selmak seemed to see the amusing side of the whole thing. I had always liked Selmak.
Really.
I had.
We sat down in the torture devices that pass for chairs in the let’s not get too comfortable because we might enjoy ourselves Tokra base. I proceeded to tell them about Ba’al. I then told them exactly where they had gone wrong in their fight against the Goa’uld.
I was subtle.
Well - I tried.
That’s my middle name, Jack Subtle O’Neill.
And you thought that my middle initial was “J”. Wrong again.
They needed to stop hiding and sending one of two operatives at a time to infiltrate Ba’al’s operation. They needed to be more proactive.
I ran all my ideas for fighting Ba’al up the flagpole and nobody saluted them. Except maybe, Selmak. Jacob sat there looking thoughtful. The rest of the Tokra looked like they had just sucked on lemons.
I was beginning to think that the Asgard really didn’t like the Tokra. Thor had known that they wouldn’t listen. It didn’t matter how clever my arguments and how great my plans were – they were too set in their ways to change. I don’t know why they had bothered asking the Asgard for help.
Still, can’t say that I didn’t try.
I was logical. I was commanding. I was clear and precise.
Hell – I was brilliant.
But it was pointless.
The decision was made. Evacuate the base yet again. Run yet again.
Same old, same old.
o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o
“Thank you for coming, General O’Neill.” Talk about sucking lemons. Gershaw sounded like her mouth was full of a whole orchard. “Were you to return to Thor’s vessel or did you wish to use the Stargate?”
Nice to visit with you too. Thanks for the hospitality. A beer would be nice.
I took up the offer to use the Stargate on the surface. Couldn’t wait to get back to the paperwork.
So with a not so fond farewell, I was on my way, unwanted and unloved.
Jacob gave me a few distracted directions and headed back to help with the packing and I headed out.
Didn’t get far though.
Ba’al’s Jaffa were waiting up top.
I forgot to ask Thor to pack my P90.
Those zats really hurt.
o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o
“We meet again.”
Come on now. It was bad enough waking up on a Goa’uld ship, but to wake up to very bad B grade dialogue? I expected to hear an insane laugh.
Raising my gaze, I looked for the moustache twirling baddie.
Shit!
I was in so much trouble.
And I discovered something.
Even Generals get frightened sometimes.
o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o
Ba’al had this puzzled look on his face like he knew me from somewhere and just couldn’t remember where. You know, like at a party when someone comes up and starts talking as if they know you and you haven’t got a clue who they are.
Babbling here.
Well, it’s better than being a gibbering wreck.
I had two options. Stay quiet and hope that he didn’t recognise me or remind him of our previous close association.
I knew which was the sensible option to take.
“Hi. Ball. Long time no see.”
Crap!
Ba’al cocked his head slightly and looked at me more closely. Then his eyes lit up.
Literally.
“The host.”
Now that just gets me mad. I told him, how many times, that I was not a “host”? What part of that didn’t he get? Not A Host.
He came towards me then, as I struggled to get up off the floor. He reached me just as I got to my knees and grabbed my jaw, pulling my face towards his.
“I do not feel the presence of a Tokra. What were you doing at their base?”
What? He expected me to answer a question? He obviously hadn’t learnt anything from our last encounter.
It was a struggle, but I managed to stay silent.
Inside I was screaming.
o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o
There were some forms of torture that I hadn’t experienced. No many, admittedly, but a few.
Now I’m not so sure.
Ba’al may not have the fancy gravity stuff on his vessel, but he made up for it in other ways. My old friend acid figured largely in the equation. It’s amazing how inventive someone can be when they have access to a sarcophagus.
I had held out the last time and I could do it again.
I kept telling myself that.
I was having a slight problem with my sight.
Did you know that your eye could melt?
It was as I was being dragged off for a little rejuvenation treatment that I heard the sound of someone entering the room.
“Stop. Wait.”
Damn – now was not the time for a pause in the proceedings.
I felt the air move and realised that someone was peering into my face. The bad breath was a give away.
“What is it?” That was Ba’al. He sounded annoyed.
“I recognise this creature, My Lord.”
Just my luck. And how the hell could someone recognise me? I mean – I didn’t exactly look myself at the moment.
Acid can do that.
I held my breath. Well – I held my gasps.
“He is the Tau’ri leader O’Neill.”
Oh peachy! A member of my fan club.
“Would you like my autograph?” Okay, it was little more than a mutter, but it was my mutter none the less. Just reminding them that I was still there.
“Is this true?”
That did take me by surprise. I hadn’t heard him move. But I sure felt it when he pulled me towards him, tugging at my shirt and holding me upright by sheer force.
“Yeap.” That was as much as I could manage, but I felt that I said it with a certain aplomb.
“This is unexpected. I must think upon the implications. Leave us.”
Oh goody, sarcophagus here I come.
I was dropped.
On the floor.
In a heap.
Discarded.
I lay there for a few minutes until the sound of people leaving the room had stopped. Then I lay there for a few minutes more, listening to Ba’al as he laughed.
Then I crawled.
Towards him.
His laughing was beginning to really piss me off.
o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o
Oh joy!
There’s that same featureless lid above my head.
One good thing about it – I could see it.
Four large Jaffa hands reached in and pulled me from what had become my home away from home. They were none too gentle, but they knew that they didn’t have to be. They would be seeing me again very soon.
Ba’al was sitting in his chair, smiling that very irritating smile of his and cleaning his fingernails with his favorite knife. He watched me as I was dropped on to the floor at his feet.
It took all my will power, but I did it.
I stood up.
“Colonel O’Neill. Your company is a pleasure, as always.”
Oh, he was a smug bastard. I straightened myself and gave him a grin.
“General to you, Ball.”
It went right over his head.
I sighed. “General O’Neill.”
“And this is meant to mean something to me?”
That put me in my place.
“No, not really. But it means something to me.”
“Does it mean that you are in a better position to give me information about the Tauri plans?”
Double crap!
o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o
Sweet Mother of God – how many times can I die before I lose who I am?
Before I am no longer Jack O’Neill?
Before I become nothing but a desire and a fear.
And a need.
I had come to welcome the sarcophagus.
o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o
There is no Daniel to comfort me this time.
I can’t remember why.
o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o
I don’t think that Ba’al wants me to answer his questions. After a few days he stopped asking them.
I don’t think that I know the answers anymore.
It has become a game.
And like any game there will be a winner and a loser.
And I think that I am losing.
Perhaps if I understood the rules?
Are there rules?
Is there any point to this?
I don’t understand.
o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o
I can hear voices.
Not the voice that I’ve heard for so long. The one from my dreams.
From my nightmares.
Not that one.
They are speaking softly, but I can still recognise the anger.
If I stay quiet they may not know that I’m awake.
I can stay safe.
I listen.
“Can you do anything?”
“We have tried, Selmak. He has been this way since I beamed him from Ba’al’s ship.”
“Damn it, Thor. Why didn’t you know that he was missing? Why didn’t you rescue him sooner?”
“Unfortunately we assumed that O’Neill had returned to the SGC via the Stargate before Ba’al’s troops landed. It was only when we realised our error that we could begin to search for him. I deeply regret the harm that has occurred to General O’Neill because of our request for his help.”
“Forgive Jacob, Thor. He is upset because he knows that some of the fault lies with the Tokra. In the confusion of the base evacuation, we forgot to ensure the General’s safety.”
“There is fault on both sides. Now we must return O’Neill to himself before we return him to his friends.”
“I pray that we can.”
I listen.
If I stay quiet they may not know that I’m awake
o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o
I don’t understand.
o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o
I walk down the halls of my base and smile at the passing faces.
Yes, General Jack O’Neill is back holding the reins.
Ready to save Earth once more.
Back in command.
Back from my sojourn with the Tokra and Thor.
And Ba’al.
I’m still smiling.
On the outside.
Inside I’m remembering.
Always.
The End
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