Friday the 13th
Friday the 13th
by Wee-Gayle
Summary: Sam's having a little "bad luck"
Category: Humor
Season: any Season
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: PG
Warnings: language
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 05/21/03
Author's Notes: Complete and utter garbage. THIS FIC IS NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!!! If you want a nice, serious, sensible fic go somewhere else please. If you're looking for silliness and stupidity, you're in the right place ;) This was started the day after my 16th birthday on a cold, rainy Scottish Monday eve lol. Thanks again for beta-ing Jenn!
Sam stood alone in the gate room, facing the gate. She could hear him coming, his footsteps echoed in the empty room. She turned and looked into his deep, brown eyes. He tilted his head towards hers, her heart hammered in her chest, and she lifted her arms to put round his neck, his lips millimetres from hers....
Beep beep beep!!
Sam was pulled from her dreams by the irritating sound of her alarm clock going off beside her. "Dammit!" she said aloud, punching the pillow. Why was it every time she had a dream about Colonel O'Neill she was always awakened by that stupid alarm clock when it got to the really interesting part?!
Beep beep BEEP!!
She sighed and reached across to the table and picked it up, she wasn't in the brightest of moods and this clock was not helping. It beeped once again very loudly in her ear. She screamed with frustration and hurled the clock across the room, falling out of the bed as she did so. She cursed under her breath and stood up, only to fall straight back down when the bed sheets got tangled round her ankles. She lay on the floor for a minute clenching and unclenching her fists and trying not to completely lose her rag. She got up from the floor and switched the radio on.
"Goooood morning Colorado, the sun is out and the sky is blue, a good time to be out taking in the rays. Don't be too adventurous though because today's Friday the 13th folks!"
Sam groaned, great, Friday the 13th, the day where Jack O'Neill goes out of his way to play tricks on everyone on base, especially her. Then, when you're just about to blame him, he puts on his adorable innocent smile and says, "Must be bad luck Major". She sighed as she pictured him, not noticing that she had accidentally picked up a tube of glue that had been used to fix her cabinets and hadn't been put back instead of her toothpaste. Still staring into space, she put the "glue" on her toothbrush and started to brush her teeth. She snapped out of her dream when she realised the sudden taste difference. The tube of glue met the same fate as the alarm clock earlier that morning. After rinsing her mouth out for the 20th time Sam stared at herself in the mirror, this was not going to be a good day.
Several blocks away Jack O'Neill's voice could be heard cursing at the paperboy who had been successful in hitting him on the head with the morning paper. He looked at the date, he grinned, he'd forgotten it was Friday the 13th or "Annoy Carter Day" as he liked to call it. Chuckling to himself he headed back into the house. He knew bad luck came to everyone on Friday the 13th but he couldn't resist laying it a little thicker on Carter. He came up with a few fantastic pranks, one involving a passing Carter, a drinking fountain and the phrase "Sorry Carter didn't see you there, I was aiming for Danny!" Still grinning he finished breakfast, got ready and got in his truck, oh boy he couldn't wait to get into work today.
"Dammit dammit dammit" Yelled Sam as the cat scampered down from the top of the wardrobe and out the bedroom door, Sam's other sock in its mouth. "Come on Schro I'm late already and these are the only clean pair I have" she hopped after the ginger cat into the spare room and made a lunge...
Jack turned the radio off in the truck and stopped outside Carter's house. Quickly checking to see if he wasn't being watched he slowly crept up towards the front door and started to empty the contents of a bucket he was carrying, the thick liquid pouring out onto the steps. He stifled a laugh and quickly raced back to his truck and started up the engine...
"O....K they're not dirty at least" Sam examined the rather holey sock she had managed to wrestle from the cat before putting it on. "As long as SG1 don't go on a mission where you have to take your shoes off then I wont have a problem. Suddenly she heard a noise like a laugh outside the door. She opened the door just in time to see a very familiar truck speed away.
"Sir" she called "How about a li....whoa!!"
Next thing she knew she was on the front path with rather smelly, sticky goo that she instantly recognised as the engine oil from her bike.
"So it begins," she muttered, she knew that the engine oil didn't just suddenly "appear" there by itself. She had the evidence, the muffled laugh, the speeding truck; this could only be the work of a certain devious Colonel. Sighing, she picked herself up and trudged back into the house. Great, just great, late for work, and covered in oil, as if the day couldn't get any worse!.
Several meters away, out of sight, it took all of Jack's self control not to wet himself laughing. Her face, what a picture. "So it begins," he muttered, grinning. He started up his truck again and drove away. Today was just going to get better and better.
"Come on, come on" Sam urged the traffic lights in front of her, revving up the bike "Don't you people know I'm late!". She suddenly saw something familiar. "Oh no" she thought, "This is all I need". The black truck pulled up beside her, the driver grinned and rolled down the window.
"Morning Carter, late for work are we?"
"Morning sir, no thanks to you."
Jack feigned hurt "What have I done? Don't blame your bad luck on me Carter."
Sam refused to acknowledge this comment and merely ignored him, Jack flashed her another grin and rolled his window back up. The lights changed and Sam sped ahead of him. She glanced behind her, she noticed that he was driving directly behind her, not even a yard was the distance between the two vehicles "What is he doing? Does he want to get me killed?". She turned back round and tried to concentrate on the road.
Jack was still grinning, "Carter prank number two in progress," he laughed. "Hey" he thought,
"Carter must work out, what a body! And that fine...whoa don't go there!" he slapped himself
"concentrate on the prank O'Neill, not Carter's backside". He inched the truck towards her, keeping one eye on the blue car just in front of her. At the right moment he nudged the truck into her, causing her to veer left and scrape against the side of the blue car. "Oh YES!" he punched his fist in the air. "You can't get better bad luck than that"
"Wait till I get my hands on you Jack O'Neill!" Sam yelled at the distant, retreating black truck, "That was the lowest prank yet! Not even slightly funny!"
"Look what you've done to my car!" a suited man got out of the blue car which now had acquired a silver streak across its right side. "I'll have you pay for this! Women shouldn't even be driving motorbikes"
Sam's head snapped up at that, "What did you just say?" the anger in her voice was evident but the man didn't seem to notice and he continued.
"I said, that women shouldn't even be driving motorbikes, they belong in the kitchen, they're too "delicate" to..."
He didn't get the chance to finish his sentence because he suddenly found himself on the ground with a very pissed off blonde pinning his arms down above his head and an immense pain in an unmentionable area.
"Delicate enough for you pal?" Sam snarled "Listen, I'm having a bad enough day as it is and you're not helping, so, unless you want to feel ten times worse than you do now I suggest you get up, get back in your car and bugger off" she got up off him and handed him a slip of paper
"Here's someone who'll pay for your miniscule scratch, now beat it!"
Without another word the man scrambled to his feet and practically sprinted to his car, tripping over Sam's bike in the process. He whimpered as he crawled to his car, started the engine and sped away.
"OK Colonel, when I'm done with you, you're gonna feel one hundred times worse than that guy" Sam muttered, getting back on her bike and heading towards the mountain.
"Hey Jack, what you so happy about?" Daniel sat down at an empty chair across from Jack and set his coffee on the table.
"Nothing Danny, nothing at all" Jack leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on the table,
"Just be prepared for a very pissed off Major that's gonna walk through that door in the next five minutes"
"Jack, what've you done?"
"Hey, I haven't done anything, she's just having a little bad luck today and as usual, wants to blame me for it"
"Uh huh, don't act dumb with me Jack, I know what date it is."
"Oh really? That's nice" Jack stretched and yawned, pretending to be uninterested "13th of what? February is it? I always forget, considering we're never on earth to check the date..."
"You know what I mean" Daniel said, Jack just smirked at him and leaned further back in his chair.
Sam stormed down the corridors, flashing anyone and everyone a death glare. God help any airman that was standing in her path because if they didn't get out of the way fast enough they found themselves in a heap against a wall. Major Davies smiled at her approaching, completely oblivious to the heap of airmen behind her:
"Good morning Maj....aaargh!" with a flick of Sam's arm he was sent flying across the corridor and landed with a crash inside a store cupboard. "Friday the 13th all right" he murmured then promptly passed out.
Meanwhile in the comissionary, an airman shouting from the door interrupted everyone from their breakfast:
"Everyone, watch out for Major Carter, she's on the rampage, really pissed off, don't get on the wrong side of her, in fact, don't get on any side or in front for that matter"
Daniel glanced at Jack, a slightly more worried expression had replaced the grin he had a few minutes ago. "Whatever's the matter Jack? Thought this had nothing to do with you, well I'd better got some work done before the briefing, see ya!" Daniel grinned and quickly made his escape, if he knew Jack, Sam's bad mod had something to do with him and he wasn't sticking around to hear exactly what.
Sam tore through the SGC like a madwoman, throwing open every door and taking the rooms apart one by one, she even went as far as barging into the men's room and searching every cubicle. Throwing open the last cubicle she gave a howl of rage as she discovered Major Davies sitting there, seeking refuge in the only place where he didn't think Sam Carter would find him. He crouched away from her, covering his face with his hands.
"Please don't hurt me Major" he whimpered.
Sam suddenly realised where she was "Oh my God, what am I doing? Sorry Major, just not in the best of moods this morning, speaking of bad moods do you know where Colonel O'Neill is?"
"I think he's in the..the...com....com...comissionary" stammered poor Davies
"Thank you Major, and, sorry about that" She turned on her heel and headed in the direction of the comissionary, her face burning with embarrassment, She went into the men's room, Colonel O'Neill will love that, Pah! Stupid Friday the 13th. She rounded the corner and spotted him instantly. She took a few deep breaths and started towards him.
"COLONEL JONATHON O'NEILL!"
The words echoed around the room. Jack swallowed and refused to turn round, he was quite far away and his back was to the door so maybe she hadn't noticed him. He crouched low in his seat and waited.
"WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING? YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME, I KNOW ITS FRIDAY THE 13TH AND YOU LIKE A PRANK BUT THAT WAS NOT FUNNY!"
Jack had to hold in his laughter as he suddenly realised, she hadn't noticed him. She was actually yelling at another man a couple of tables away. The idiot hadn't turned around so Carter didn't know it was the wrong person. He decided he'd better put the poor guy out of his misery.
"Hey Carter" he called, grinning mockingly "I'm over here"
WHAM!
"So tell me again, she just totally floored you?" Janet Frasier was trying and failing to hold in her laugh. "You were knocked out by someone who doesn't know half the hand to hand combat that you know, someone who's smaller than you, someone who..."
"Alright alright Doc I get it" Jack winced as he put the bag of ice over his eye, "Ya know, It's against the regs to hit a superior officer, I could..."
"But you're not Colonel because I've already heard the story from Sam and you fully deserve that shiner you're gonna get. Looks like both or you are suffering from this Friday the 13th superstition."
"Doc it's not superstition it...."
"Colonel you're free to go now, just keep that bag of ice on your eye for another half hour or so till the swelling goes down"
Grumbling to himself Jack hopped off the bed and headed towards the briefing room.
Sam sat down at the briefing table next to Daniel; he inched away from her and gave her a wary look.
"What's up Daniel?" she asked, smiling
"Aren't you mad?"
"Mad? What about?""
"Well it's just there was a thing going round that you were really pissed off and you'd hit anyone in sight"
"Oh right, no I'm not mad" She looked up as Colonel O'Neill walked in, holding a bag of ice to his eye, she grinned evilly at him, "In fact I feel so much better now for some reason"
"Ha ha real funny Carter" Jack grumbled, sitting down "That wasn't funny"
"Well neither is nearly killing someone by making them crash into a car"
Daniel gasped, "Jack, you didn't!"
"It was only a joke Carter" Jack whined "As in ha ha ha"
Sam opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by General Hammond walking in. They all stood up.
"At ease people, the stargate is malfunctioning so looks like all missions are off, so all teams have three days downtime, see you on Tuesday people."
Jack jumped out of his seat, "Hey, this days turning out to be not so bad!"
"Oh that reminds me Jack, you're gonna have to stay on base, there's some overdue paperwork I need from you" Hammond handed Jack a pile of files, "And these when you're done"
"Oh for cryin out loud General..."
"I need this work done, sorry son no downtime for you."
Sam giggled evilly and flashed Jack a grin
"Carter, you didn't snitch on me about my paperwork did you?"
"Tough luck sir, Happy Friday the 13th from me, and by the way I gave the guy I crashed into this morning your number that OK?"
Sam laughed to herself as she walked down the corridor to the lift, she should do that more often. She suddenly remembered the date a couple of weeks away. She was running the show this time. Still laughing she stepped into the lift, pressed the button and fell into thoughts of the pranks to play on Jack.
"Whoops, sorry Jack, I was aiming for Daniel" she chuckled; She couldn't wait for April 1st.
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