Jonas' Journal
Jonas' Journal
by Wendy Parkinson
Summary: Jonas decides to start a journal.
Category: Humor
Season: Season 6
Pairing: none
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 06/09/03
JONAS' JOURNAL (or 'There's a First Time for Everything')
First Entry in my Journal.
Well, here I am... on Earth. With nothing to do. Am working hard at picking up colloquial English though my efforts have been hampered somewhat by Colonel O'Neill who insists he's trying to help, but whose grasp of slang seems to be a little hazy. Must find out what sonofabitch really means... From General Hammond's reaction I suspect "You're such a nice guy, you remind me of that faithful dog I had when I was a kid" isn't correct.
I've read all Doctor Jackson's notes and all the mission reports but I still haven't been assigned any particular tasks. So, in an effort to keep myself busy, I thought I might as well start a journal. Of course, as everything I see, do and read, and even where I live, is classified, if anyone ever read it I'd have to shoot them. Or at least that's what Colonel O'Neill said when I mentioned the idea to him....
Mood: Frustrated
First Time Off Base
Was torn away from the Weather Channel by Major Carter, who took me to see the new X302, along with Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c. Major Carter says that the hyperspace window generator wouldn't have been possible without me. Cool. I also gave her the idea that saved Earth. Cool. Met Doctor Mackay. Uncool.
Hope I'm using 'cool' correctly. After recent experiences, I have the horrible feeling it just means the opposite of 'warm'. Or it might mean something really rude....
Finally got assigned to SG1 after wearing them down with my relentless good humour. Works every time.
Mood: Happy
First Time in Space (also First Ride in a Death Glider)
After sitting around a lot in the Tel'tac, have come to the conclusion that Teal'c is not one of life's great conversationalists. When I mentioned the rumours I'd heard that I was only on SG1 because Colonel O'Neill didn't want a Russian on the team, Teal'c was non-committal... I think. It's difficult to tell sometimes. I'm still not sure if he was joking about the alien conspiracy...
Got very wet rerouting the power on the mother ship. Then had a ride in a glider with Colonel O'Neill. Those things are very manoeuvrable, particularly the way the Colonel flies them. I hope he's forgiven me for being sick down his back....
Met a very attractive nurse in the infirmary during my post mission check up. Will have to find out her name.
Mood: Satisfied (and still slightly queasy)
First Time on Another Continent
Visited Antarctica. Met Aiyanna who could have been an Ancient, but at the very least was a fascinating and compassionate woman. Ultimately she gave her life to save us. I'm not sure if under similar circumstances that I would do the same. I hope I would.
Sadly, she died before she could cure Colonel O'Neill, so he's now with the Tok'ra, being blended. I'm glad I'm not going to be there when he wakes up - he is not going to be a happy camper. 'Happy Camper' is such an odd expression. The Colonel hates camping so I don't think he'll ever be one. I'm not sure if I'm ever going to understand Earth slang.
Nurse is called Lieutenant Rush
Mood: Sad
First Time in Oregon
Visited Oregon. When I asked her, Sam told me to wear black as it would be nicely unobtrusive. As everyone else in Steveson were wearing light coloured jackets, jeans and check shirts, I'm not sure she was right. I'm going to get some sunglasses though - then I'll look really cool, just like Teal'c, Sam and that guy from The Matrix.
Met some very strange people, who turned out to be Goa'uld. Got slapped around by Sam while handcuffed to a chair. Insisted on a full check up when I got back... after all, I could have had whiplash. But unfortunately, Lieutenant Rush wasn't on duty. Now see why the Colonel calls Doctor Fraiser a Napoleonic Powermonger. That woman is a menace with a needle.
Mood: Sore
First Time Lieutenant Rush Smiled at Me
It's hard to imagine what the Colonel went through. Tortured to death and brought back to life over and over again. Understandably, he doesn't want to talk about it.
Although he was quite insistent that I didn't need to, I visited Colonel O'Neill four times a day while he was in the infirmary. Saw Lieutenant Rush a total of six times. She smiled at me twice and said 'hi' once, then Doctor Fraiser threw me out.
Mood: Grumpy
First Time Back in Kelowna
It's sad when a good friend is suffering like Doctor Kirin, though fortunately he seems unaware what is happening to him. It's awful that the very subject of his research is destroying such a brilliant mind.
Visited Doctor Kirin four times a day while he was in the infirmary. Saw Lieutenant Rush a total of six times. She smiled at me four times and said 'hi' twice, then Doctor Fraiser threw me out.
I think I'm making progress.
Mood: Hopeful
First Time as a Prisoner of the Goa'uld
Were rescued by Doctor Felger and Doctor Coombs (a physicist and a mathematician - Sam referred to them as geeks... must find out what that means but I don't think it's anything good). Not sure how we're going to live this one down, particularly if Doctor Fraiser finds out... she seems to enjoy giving SG1, and me in particular, a hard time. To make matters worse, I heard Doctor Felger asking the Colonel if he and Doctor Coombs qualified for civilian gallantry medals.
For obvious reasons, have felt obliged to give the infirmary a wide berth.
Mood: Depressed
First Time I've been on a Mission with SG2
While I was on P36231 retrieving artifacts with SG2, the rest of SG1 had a far more exciting time at the alpha site.
As Doctor Fraiser was with SG1, I took the opportunity to get a nasty paper cut I'd sustained while cataloguing the artifacts professionally treated. Lieutenant Rush has lovely warm hands.
Mood: Happy
First Time in a Vat of Symbiotes
Eeeww!
Enough said.
Mood: Freaked
First Time I Met Thor
I have to agree with the Colonel... it was a bad plan to let those 'journalists' on board. I did feel sorry for Miss Donovan though - there she was, thinking she'd got the scoop of the millennium and those guys just wanted the ship. She seemed a very honest, straightforward lady and I was getting on famously with her until Colonel Simmonds mentioned that I was an alien, then she went rather quiet. I think she could be prejudiced against extra-terrestrials.
I was a little surprised when Thor appeared. He's kind of smaller and grayer than I expected. He wants us to help the Asgard because of our inferior technology. Not sure if we should be flattered or insulted.
Mood: Thoughtful
First Time I've Eaten Three Tubs of Ice Cream in One Go Without Being Sick.
I don't know if the Colonel made the right call - he insists it was our only option - but I know one thing for sure - I feel as guilty as hell over what happened to Fifth. I hope he understands and forgives us.
On return from mission, visited infirmary for an indigestion remedy. Lieutenant Rush gave me some antacids. Doctor Fraiser offered to pump my stomach. I'm beginning to suspect she doesn't like me.
Mood: Nauseous
First Time I've Seen Giant Yellow Caterpillars When I Was Sober
Was scanned, prodded, poked, had every orifice thoroughly inspected from all conceivable (and some inconceivable) angles and they still couldn't find anything wrong with me. Mainly because I was in perfect health... it was the universe that was sick.
Had a conversation about the weather with Lieutenant Rush. Doctor Fraiser looked like she wanted to throw me out but couldn't. Ha!
Mood: Triumphant
First Time I've Assisted in a Murder Investigation
Helped to prove that the Colonel didn't murder Senator Kinsey, though it turned out he wasn't actually dead anyway. Teal'c and I brought in the scientist who stole the mimic devices - Teal'c interrogated him and within five minutes he was singing to the rooftops. I didn't like to ask what he'd threatened the scientist with... there are some things I'd sooner not know.
Went to the infirmary to get treatment for a grazed hand sustained when I jumped over a fence. Doctor Fraiser gave me a band-aid and told me not to be such a big baby.... just as Lieutenant Rush walked in. Feel 'macho action man' image may have taken a beating.
Mood: Glum
First Time Sam's Yelled at Me (for no good reason)
Had an appalling few weeks - Sam has been Little Miss Nasty Temper all the time we were trying to get the Colonel back. She said she was upset because it was her fault.... who does she think she's kidding? I know one thing for sure - she wouldn't have reacted like that if it had been me or Teal'c that was missing....
Couldn't think of any reason to visit the infirmary, even after reading a medical dictionary.
Mood: Gloomy
First Time a Goa'uld has Made a Pass at Me
Flirted with Lieutenant Rush in the elevator. In a fit of bravado told Sam I was going to ask Lieutenant Rush on a date, and, as Sam wouldn't do it for me, I guess I'm going to have to go through with it.
On mission Nurrti tried to nibble my ear and offered me power beyond my wildest dreams. She never mentioned food, beer or sex at all... I really don't think she understands men very well.
Mood: Traumatised
First Time I've Asked Lieutenant Rush on a Date
Colonel O'Neill suggested that Thor should drop Senator Kinsey down a black hole or at least send him to a distant planet. I generally try to see the good in everyone, but after reading the reports, for once I'm in agreement with the Colonel. It's a shame Thor thought he was joking.
Lieutenant Rush has said she'll have dinner with me tonight. I wonder if MacDonald's would be a suitable place for a first date?
Mood: Excited
First Time I've Been Kissed by a Criminal
I'm glad I listened to what my mother told me - "always be suspicious of a girl who kisses on the first date." Reynar was quite pretty.... shame she was as bent as a corkscrew. I hope Lieutenant Rush, or Beth, as she told me to call her, doesn't find out.
Beth has agreed to a second date but has insisted on choosing the location herself. Wonder if it'll be Burger King?
Mood: Optimistic
First Time Teal'c's Dreamt About Me (that he's told me about)
That was weird. I've just been to visit Teal'c in the infirmary and he's told me that while he was waiting for rescue and fighting for both his life and Bra'tac's, he dreamt about me serving food wearing a pink frilly apron. I'm guessing this is one of those occasional uses of humour I was warned about.... at least, I hope it is...
Went to the movies with Beth last night. I can't remember the movie because after five minutes we were holding hands and after ten, she was resting her head on my shoulder. ::sigh::
Mood: Content
First Time I've Dug Up a Stargate
After having what I thought was a good idea to get us home, it was kind of disconcerting to find out the folk on the planet thought the Stargate was a myth. Some of them took it quite personally when we suggested otherwise. In fact, we got shot at and held prisoner for our trouble. Worked out all right in the end though.
Went out with Beth last night. When I took her home I walked her to her door and kissed her goodnight. She didn't slap me... she kissed me back. Wow!
Mood: Ecstatic
First Time I've Been Able to Predict the Future
Boy, do I have a headache, but I guess that's what happens when you have brain surgery. According to Doctor Fraiser, who finally seems to be warming to me, the tumour has been removed, and, as far as I can tell, so has the precognition.
Getting visions of the future was creepy, and trying to second guess everything was a complete nightmare. I tried to prevent Sam getting hurt but she was still badly injured in just the way I'd seen. I was more than relieved when we realised the future wasn't preordained.
When I regained consciousness after the surgery, Beth was sitting by my bed. When I said, "Hi," she burst into tears.
I don't usually have that effect on women.
Mood: Shocked
First Time I've Worked with a Dead Man....
...who had the nerve to accuse me of stealing his tools! That was kind of embarrassing, though I have no idea what use they could possibly be to him in his current... er... plane of existence.Though thinking about this does make me wonder.... what does an ascended being do all day?
Daniel seemed to think that just because Anubis used to be an Ancient they had some common ground. Unfortunately he was wrong and in the end Oma had to 'ascend' the whole population of Abydos. I would very much like to meet Oma, who sounds fascinating. But I would prefer not having to ascend myself.... someone might steal my tools.
Last night Beth told me how scared she'd been when I had the tumour (and that was why she'd burst into tears), then she asked me in for a coffee. She makes great coffee...
...and her breakfasts are pretty good too.
Mood : Very, very happy.
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