Now or Never
Now or Never
by Jill Everard
TITLE: Now or Never
AUTHOR: Jill Everard
EMAIL: jevinaus@aol.com.au
CATEGORY: SJR
SPOILERS: Small Victories
SEASON / SEQUEL: Set after Small Victories
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Jack realises something is different after their stay on Asgard....
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis, SamandJack. Others: if you want it, just ask :)
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment, not monetary purposes, and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author............Yep, sure, you betcha :)
General Hammond closes the file in front of him with a flourish.
"SG-1, you are officially on 2 days stand down. It might not seem like many thanks for saving the world from total annihilation yet again, but it's all the time I can spare you from duty at the moment."
Rising, he smiles warmly at us. "Colonel, Major, Teal'c, it's good to have you back safe and sound. Enjoy your down time."
Murmuring our thanks, we stand as he leaves the debriefing room. Daniel grabs his permanent extension, the coffee mug, and heads off in a rush to get back to his lab. Well, as quickly as a guy still recovering from an appendectomy can. Teal'c inclines his head at us and moves out to…somewhere. Probably to his quarters to catch up on Oprah. I can't believe how much he watches that damn show.
Carter busies herself with collecting her notes and pens. I shove my hands in my pockets and stand here, staring at her as she does so.
I've been doing that a lot today. Staring at Carter. Don't get me wrong, I've always looked at her. Who wouldn't? She's smart. She's a fine officer, couldn't ask for a better 2IC. She's pretty…. no, actually she's beautiful. But today….today, I've been staring.
Why, you ask? Well, to be honest, I'm not really sure. We've always had this good relationship. Part of SG-1's enviable dynamics has been our ability to work so well together. The military part of the team. That's not to detract from the archaeologist/alien part at all. No, they're great. But Carter and I almost think as one. Okay, I'm not talking all her techno mumbo jumbo here, I'm not that conceited, but that ability to think in sync is invaluable in a military operation such as ours. Plus, and this is the biggy here, she's the only one who laughs at my jokes, bad as they usually are. That's what I love most about her.
Hang on, wait a minute. I didn't actually say that did I? 'Love' her? No, I'm sure I said 'like'. In fact, I'm almost positive I said 'like'.
I stare at her hands as she finishes organizing her papers. Long, lean, capable. Just like her. I absently wonder what those hands would feel like, running across my back or down my chest. Whoa….. Something inside me twists and turns. Sort of like the feeling you get going through the Gate the very first time. Why am I feeling like this? Why now? I've known this woman for nearly 3 years, and, apart from some heavy duty flirting, I've never felt the need to cross the boundaries of our relationship. Well, not as keenly as I do now. Oh, all right, I admit it…..I've fancied her from the moment she walked into that first briefing, but we've always kept that 'commanding officer/2IC' thing working. And, of course, there's always been the regs to help that along. Not that that would stop *me*…..I couldn't give a rat's ass about the damn regs. It's just that I would never do anything to harm her career. That is, unless *she* wanted to….yeah, like that's ever gonna happen, O'Neill.
No, I've always managed to keep my feelings for her intact. I'm really good at doing that. Years of experience. Black ops does have *some* benefits.
Right up until now.
Something in the past 9 days we were stuck on Thor's home world, while we waited to get back to earth, has happened to tilt our secure little relationship off balance. I can't put my finger on it, but something between Carter and me has changed. I remember glancing over at her during our last night on Asgard (now, that's a gourmet experience I'll have to tell you about one day). I was sitting next to my buddy Thor, and she was opposite me at the table. She was listening intently to one of the elders, when suddenly her face broke out in the hugest smile. She looked so…I dunno…alive. After what we had just been through with those pesky replicators, it was joy to see her happy and relaxed. I was fixated. I couldn't take my eyes off her face.
She looked up, as if she could feel someone staring at her, and gazed around, until she saw me. Still staring. And she smiled. I swear, time stood still. There was suddenly no one else around, just Carter and me. There was no mistaking my feelings in the gaze I was giving her, and I was almost convinced she was looking at me exactly the same way. Then Thor put his hand on my shoulder and spoke. I had to turn to him, and the spell was broken. When he'd finished and I looked back, she was gone. Gone to her quarters for the night.
We 'gated back to Earth the next morning, well, this morning. Went through all the medical tests that Doc had been gleefully cooking up for us in our absence, then we'd debriefed.
And here we are. And my world is spinning out of control.
Okay then. All right. I admit it. I do have strong feelings for my Major. I think that I may, actually…yes…..'love' her.
She picks up her stuff, gives me a trademark 'reserved-just-for-the-Colonel' Carter smile, and starts to move for the door.
It's now or never.
"Hey Carter?"
"Sir?"
What do I say? How can I tell her I want to spend time with her, get to know her. I mean *really* get to know her. Time to explore all these new feelings that are swimming round inside me so hard I think they're gonna bust out if I don't do something quick. If there is a god in heaven, or anywhere in the universe, please, please, let this work.
"You wanna hang out?" For crying out loud, that's the best I can do?
"Sir?" Okay, she looks confused. This isn't good. My eyes wander the room nervously. Look anywhere but right at her, Jack.
"You know, hang out. Maybe do some of the things we haven't got around to doing?"
"Um...like?"
Think fast, Jack. "Um, like…like that fishing trip!"
I chance a look. Clear blue eyes gaze at me, an amused smile starting around her mouth. "We only have 2 days stand down. Isn't Minnesota a bit far to do in that time?"
Damn. "Okay…well, how about…" come on, think, think….."you said you'd come to a hockey game with me one day." Well, that's sure to get her in, right? I unconsciously take a step closer to her.
Damn but she's cute when she's trying not to laugh out loud at me. "But isn't your team playing out of town this weekend?"
Huh? How did she know….oh yeah, I've just spent the past week on the Asgard home world bitching about how I couldn't watch them live for a few weeks. I hang my head and think desperately. I'm almost out of ideas to keep her with me a while longer. But my mind registers that she's taken a step towards me now. Last chance O'Neill.
"We could always have that arm wrestle."
Did I actually say that? I say it so softly I'm not sure if I said it or just thought it. My head comes back up to look straight at her. We gaze at each other for a moment, so close now that it would take only the slightest movement for me to lean down and kiss her. I stare deep into those blue eyes, eyes I could lose my soul in, and breathe in the smell that is so distinctly Carter. Her eyes search mine, as if she's trying to convince herself of my meaning. For crying out loud, how could she not be convinced? All these pent up feelings I have are almost jumping out of me, they're so strong, and dammit if I'm not starting to sweat too. Man, this is too hard on an old guy like me. It's kind of make or break time, I guess. She could say no, and we'd continue on like we have the past three years. Well, not exactly like we have, because I don't think I'll ever be able to look at her the same way again, knowing now the depth of my feelings for her. But at least then I would know that it was all one sided, and I would just have to live with that. Somehow.
But if she says yes……my brain fogs momentarily, overcome with desire for this precious woman who stands so close, but is yet still so far from me.
She suddenly leans towards me, closing the remaining distance between us, and leans so close I can feel her warm breath slowly exhale, tantalising with the promise of what could be yet to come.
"I thought you'd never ask," she whispers.
My knees go weak. There is a god. Somewhere.
*Fin*
Copyright (c) 2001 Jill Everard
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