Enough
Enough
by Kelley2
Summary: Ask not for whom the wedding bell tolls
Category: Angst, Romance
Episode Related: Future Story
Season: Season 8
Pairing: Jack/Sam, Jack/other, Sam/Pete, none
Rating: FAM
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 2005-01-20
Enough
Summary: Ask not for whom the wedding bell tolls Category: Angst Spoilers: Season 7 Chimera and beyond Season: Season 8 Pairing: Jack/Other, Sam/Other, Jack/Sam Rating: FAM Warnings: none Archive: SJFic, samandjack, jackfic, heliopolis, (heck, anyone else that wants it just let me know.) Disclaimer: I don't own them. I can't afford them. Wish I could. Just trying to spiff up their lives a bit before putting them back in the SciFi cupboard. Many thanks to CSuzy for being the patient and thoughtful beta that she is. She is a godsend and the kind user of the "truth sandwich".
"So, today's the day." Her voice sounded hollow, echoing off the concrete walls of her lab.
Daniel winced slightly at her tone. "Today's the day." He studied at the woman before him. To the casual observer, she was just as together as always, the savior of the world many times over. To him, her casual attitude, her collected demeanor was a little too studied.
"Uh, Sam..."
"Daniel." She didn't look up, the angular gray of the metal before her reflecting the dull light of the fluorescent overheads and capturing her attention.
"You're not going to say anything?"
"No."
"Why not?" His disbelief sat like low lying fog, thick and heavy in the air.
"I don't want to discuss it."
"But, Sam, he should know..."
She glanced up sharply at that, "He should know what, Daniel? That I don't know my own heart? That I screwed him over? He knows that." A heartbeat. "All too well. I am not going to come between him and..." Another heartbeat. "...her."
"He deserves to know."
A small wrench fell off the work table, clattering loudly in the silence. She braced her hands against the edge, head falling forward, shoulders slumping inward. The silence stretched onward, minutes long. Gradually, Daniel could hear the hum of the computer's hard drive, the whir of its fan, the vague buzz of the lights.
He turned to leave.
"He deserves a chance to be happy."
"But..."
"Daniel, I made my choice and he made his. Just because mine was wrong doesn't mean his wasn't right."
"It's not right."
"That's not our place to say."
"If your best friends won't tell you when you're wrong, who will?"
"And where were my friends when I made my choice?" She laughed bitterly, a snort really. "Oh, no. I made my bed; I'll lie in it."
"Even if it's shortchanging him?"
"It's not."
"But if it is?"
"He's happy. Leave it at that."
"At least go."
"I can't do that and you know it." She turned her attention back to the device. "I have work to do."
Recognizing the unspoken dismissal, Daniel sighed. "Think about it."
"I'm busy, Daniel."
"Think about it."
She glanced up one more time at the man framed in her doorway. "Always." Her words were flat and final.
She looked down before Daniel could really discern her expression. His gaze caught her left hand, the one that, up till a month ago, had held a diamond engagement ring. A spectacular stone really, similar to those on... He shook his head, forcing his mind back on track as he headed toward the elevator.
~~~~~~~~
Kerry stood in the library of the small church, dark locks framed by an ivory veil. She couldn't help feeling that she had no place being here. She wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth and she loved Jack O'Neill deeply but she couldn't shake the feeling that she was making a mistake and Jack a bigger one yet. She studied her face in the mirror. Still young looking and certainly young at heart. No lines, the few gray strands faithfully covered by her hairdresser. Not brilliant but bright enough. Kind. Loving. Warm. Not who Jack O'Neill truly loved. Was that good enough for her? She had thought it was but, suddenly, on the threshold of holy matrimony, she wasn't so sure.
She peeked out the door. The sanctuary held few guests. Her family was small and his family, well, most of it was the SGC and, as she understood it, was pretty busy with some offworld guests at the moment. She had offered to delay the ceremony but he would hear nothing of it.
His mouth smiling, while those eyes held a hint of sorrow, he had insisted that today was the day.
The vision of his face remained before her as the door opened and a figure silently stepped inside the room.
"Kerry Johnson," a deep voice rumbled, "General O'Neill has asked me inquire as to your needs."
Her needs. What did she need, really?
"I'm fine, Teal'c. Thank you."
The tall man inclined his head as he was wont to do and reached for the door.
Kerry buckled her pride down swiftly. "Teal'c?"
He turned to look at her again.
"Do you... Well, that is, have you..." She gave a frustrated sigh at her inability to express her thoughts even to herself. "Did you ever find yourself on the verge of something that you thought you wanted more than anything and suddenly feel maybe wasn't really what was best for you after all?"
Teal'c's gaze was unbroken as she struggled to find words for her emotions.
"You know," she continued, "like, maybe, as a child, there was a toy you wanted really badly but your parents couldn't really afford it and still they cut out their own small indulgences to buy it for you; only, when you got it, it turned out to be not at all what you expected."
One dark eyebrow raised, creasing the skin to where she knew the golden tattoo lay hidden under his hat.
She glanced at him, realizing belatedly that the cultural reference would likely not have been familiar from his childhood years.
"I will tell General O'Neill you wish to speak with him." Teal'c nodded again and left the room, closing the door behind him firmly.
The organ started in the background. She closed the door and looked through the small window, looking carefully at each car in the lot in turn.
~~~~~~~~~~
Jack looked anxiously around the small hallway. Daniel was late again. He was about to get seriously annoyed when the steel fire door clanged in the stairwell and Daniel came panting up the stairs.
"Sorry."
Daniel distinctly sounded not sorry.
"Yeah." Jack replied shortly. "Do you have the rings?"
The other man pulled a ring box from his pocket. "Right here."
They leaned against the wall, the strains of the organ filtering through the sanctuary door.
"Jack."
"Daniel."
"Um, well, I promised not to say anything."
"And?"
"Well..."
"Daniel..."
There was an awkward pause as Daniel struggled off the fence to a decision.
"Sam broke it off with Pete, you know."
Another pause.
"A month ago. She decided that, um, he wasn't the right guy."
Jack studied the polished marble floor with hooded eyes. There was a large black scuff not ten feet from the doorframe. "And you're telling me this... why?"
"Uh, no reason. Just thought you'd be interested. Sam being your friend and all."
"Ah."
A face peered around the door. Jack recognized it as belonging to Kerry's attendant. What was her name again? Tricia? Tisha? Teresa?
"Jack? Murray says that Kerry'd like to see you."
He stared at the floor some more, unsuccessfully willing the scuffmark to disappear, then at the ceiling. "Not a good idea, Trish"...
"Keisha."
"Sorry."
"S'ok." The door closed behind her yet he felt himself being watched.
"Jack?"
Daniel nudged him.
"Daniel."
"You should probably see what she wants."
"Nope."
"No?"
"Nope. Ain't gonna happen. I am getting married today. Nobody's getting in the way."
"Not even the bride?"
"Nope."
Daniel tried to shrug off his impatience. "Heckuva way to start a marriage."
"It'll be fine once it's over."
"With all due respect, Jack, it won't be. You don't love her."
Jack rolled his eyes as Daniel warmed up.
"Alright, well, maybe you do love her, but not the right way. Not in the way that says `I have to have this person around me or the world will end.' Not in the way that says `my soul will find yours through the end of time'. Not the way you love Sam."
"I. beg. your. pardon.?"
"You're making a huge mistake here and it's not fair to you and it's not fair to Kerry and it's not fair to Sam. Yes, Sam hurt you. But, to be fair, you weren't exactly Mr. Warm-n-Fuzzy to her. You practically chased her away. Suck it up. Admit you made a mistake and deal with it."
"Daniel." Daniel knew that look, that tone; it meant `shut up Daniel before I rip your larynx out of your throat and offer the convenient opening to the nearest Goa'uld symbiote.'
"Just thought you ought to know." He paused, mentally weighing whether to admit his own culpability. "I screwed Sam over by not telling her what I thought at the time and I wasn't going to make the same mistake again."
The blond head peered around the door again.
"Jack? She says it's really important."
"Alright, alright." Jack scrubbed his head with his hand, undoing all the work with his comb and hair gel that morning. "I'm coming."
He pulled the heavy door open, turning back to Daniel briefly. "I'm not done with you."
The door closed.
"No," Daniel said ruefully, "I'll bet not."
~~~~~~~~~~
Sam sat behind the wheel of her car, still in her BDUs. She leaned her weary head on the steering wheel, willing herself to open the door and walk into, what was the place again? She glanced at the sign briefly before collapsing forward again. Oh, St. Jude of the Mountains. Appropriate, she thought, the patron saint of hopeless causes.
She started at the knock on her window. The window had steamed up as she struggled up the courage to join the celebration. The lowering window gradually revealed dark hair, light dress. Kerry, Sam suddenly realized.
"Aren't you going to come in?" The bride asked, hunching over to see inside the small vehicle.
"I'm not sure I can." Sam replied, too tired to muster any other response.
Kerry leaned on the window frame, studiously reviewing her French manicure. She'd had it done just that morning so she wouldn't chip it before the pictures.
"Nice nails."
"Isn't it ironic," she mused, "how physical perfection can mute all our internal responses? How we get all caught up in creating the perfect day and we don't even notice we're not marrying the perfect person?"
"There's no such thing as the perfect person. You just marry the person that's as perfect for you as you can get." Sam couldn't get her head around the surreality of the conversation.
"But what if you're not perfect for them?"
Sam was silent, watching her own short fingernails, bearing their chipped coat of clear polish and the splits on several fingers from where last week's naquada experiment had been more powerful than she expected.
"You love him."
"He's not mine to love."
Kerry nodded quietly, scanning the other woman's haggard face. "Come in. People are going to wonder."
~~~~~~~~~~
She thought furiously as Sam slowly opened the car door. Suddenly she was absolutely certain it wasn't enough for her. She wanted more than for him to be perfect for her. She wanted to be perfect for him as well and she'd never be able to be that for Jack. This wasn't right, not for any of them.
The Volvo door closed with a clunk behind them as they passed through the side entrance of the church.
~~~~~~~~~
Jack paced the small library in frustration. You'd think that if she needed to see him so badly she'd be here. He didn't need this now. Not with Daniel yammering on about Carter not being engaged anymore and yada yada yada. The thought stopped his steps for a moment. Why hadn't he noticed she wasn't engaged? Wasn't someone supposed to tell him these things? Did he miss the memo? Pushing the thought so far back in his skull even Kanan couldn't have found it, he resumed his pacing. He wasn't going to think about these things today. Nope. Not gonna do it. He was getting married today. To Car... Kerry. To Kerry. And they were going to be happy. Maybe not blissfully so, maybe not even more than contentedly so, but they'd be happy in their own way and he would be safe.
The door creaked open behind him and a length of ivory satin heralded the arrival of his bride.
"Jack."
"Krista said you wanted to see me."
"Keisha."
"That's what I said."
She smiled. "Uh huh."
"So what's up? Why isn't this show on the road?"
Kerry had moved in front of the mirror and was reaching toward her head. One, two, bobby pins dropped on the small table, three, four. She lifted the veil off her head slowly. Studying it, she lowered it to the table.
"No show, Jack."
A slight panic fluttered in his stomach. No, they were getting married. Today.
"No show?"
She sat on the overstuffed chair in the corner and pulled off her heels.
"No show."
"Kerry, what the hell is going on here?" He asked incredulously.
She wriggled out of her stockings and briefly stretched her toes.
This was not happening to him. This couldn't be happening. She was the safe one. She wouldn't break his heart. She couldn't break his heart; it wasn't hers to begin with.
"Why?"
"Why not, Jack? I love you, yes. But I know you don't love me. Not enough." She pulled a pair of pink socks and tennis shoes from her duffle bag and stuffed her feet into them. "I thought it might be for a while. I hoped it might be." She folded the short veil and tucked it into the bag.
"You're going to leave me alone?" He was clearly staggered by her statement.
She smiled gently at him, a bit melancholy but relieved, as she picked up the bag and her car keys and headed toward the door. "I'm going to take that job offer in D.C. I think it's best for everyone."
She paused at the door. "If you're as smart as the Jack O'Neill I know, you won't be alone. You need her. She needs you. Listen to your heart, not its bruises."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kerry looked down at the woman sitting in the pew at the end of the narthex, almost hidden in the dark recess. Her BDUs hung from her body as from a hanger. She clearly hadn't been sleeping or eating as well as she ought. "Sam."
The blond head turned upward. "Kerry?"
"He needs you now. Go talk to him. Take care of him for me."
The outer church door closed with finality behind her as Sam stared at the room across the way.
Daniel popped out of the sanctuary at that moment.
"Sam!" His surprise was evident in his voice. "You came!"
She nodded.
"Have you seen Jack or Kerry? She wanted to talk to him and, well, it's been 20 minutes, and the priest is getting kind of antsy, not to mention the guests."
"She left."
His lips pursed, forming a speculative "Oh."
He said down next to her. The wooden pew creaking under the shift in weight.
"Where's Jack? Or, should I say, how's Jack?"
"Dunno."
Her face was as blank as Jack O'Neill's on a bad day.
The pair sat in silence for a minute or two, Daniel waiting patiently until he realized that Sam was unlikely to be more forthcoming.
"I'll, uh..." Daniel stood up again. "I'll just go tell the congregation and the priest and all to, um, yeah..." He disappeared back through the interior doors.
The guests streamed through the foyer, their quiet murmuring making little impression on Sam's mind. They didn't see her sitting in the shadow as they left the church, some anxious, some relieved, some just plainly curious. Gradually, even the guests lingering to catch sight of the would-be groom gave in and went to their cars and the space was silent again.
Sam could hear the acolytes talking with the priest as they doused the altar candles and carried the flowers to the back to be sent God only knows where. A door opened somewhere and still she sat, lost in her own wandering thoughts.
Could she do this? Would she? Would he? She leaned her hands on her knees, reluctantly trying to stand. A hand on her shoulder gently pushed her back down and a tall body collapsed into the space next to her.
"She left."
"I know, sir. I'm sorry."
"You broke it off with Pete, huh?" He picked up her left hand, turning it to and fro slightly.
"Yes, sir."
"Why?"
She was too tired to pretend anymore. All the cards were going on the table. "He loved me but I didn't love him. Not enough at any rate. It wasn't fair to him."
"Or to you."
"Sir?"
"Ah, Carter," Jack's voice was tired and ragged at the edges. "You know what I mean."
"With all due respect, sir, I don't. I am the one at fault here. It doesn't matter whether it's fair to me." She rubbed her eyes with frustration. She refused to cry; she deserved this and she would accept it.
"It does to me, Sam." She felt an arm snake around her shoulders. "It does to me." She sat stiffly for a long moment before allowing the arm to pull her in toward his body, holding her tightly against his side.
"I'm not going to promise you it's going to be easy. All I can promise you is that I love you. As much as you love me. And probably then some."
She turned her head inward, letting the curve of his arm press her into his shoulder, letting his hands clench hers, and the tears fell.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Epilogue:
Two years and an act of Congress later, Brigadier General Jack O'Neill again stood waiting for his best man in the wings. Only this time, it was Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter that stood in the room at the back of the church musing over the vagaries of life. Cassie's head popped around the door.
"She's almost ready, Jack. She'd like to see you before we get started."
"Thanks, Cass. Tell her I love her but no."
Cassie smiled. "She thought you'd say that, so she sent this..." She held out a small card, about the size of a gift enclosure, and put it into his hand. "Gotta go check on her." The young woman kissed him on the cheek and flew back to her charge.
Jack opened the small envelope with curiosity and a slight amount of trepidation. The small bit of paper was smooth and warm between his fingers. There were but four words on it.
The black strokes on the heavy white stock sank into his heart, filling every corner of his being.
"This time, it's enough."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love it? Hate it? Think I've messed something up? Caught an embarrassing typographical error? Let me know! kelleysquared@snet.net
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