Hot Archetypes
Hot Archetypes
by Queen Mab
Summary: Jack and Daniel get stuck in a dark hole, and pass the time deciding between Madonna or Mother Theresa.
Category: Humor
Season: any Season
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 03/04/04
TITLE: HOT ARCHETYPES AUTHOR: Queen Mab EMAIL: queenmab31@hotmail.com RATING: PG-13, for language and suggestibility. Is that even a word? SUMMARY: Jack and Daniel get stuck in a dark hole, and pass the time deciding between Madonna or Mother Theresa. CLASSIFICATION: S/J, PWP, pure silliness, a little humor. SPOILERS: None. ARCHIVE: Anywhere, just let me know so I can come visit. DISCLAIMER: Seriously, do you really think I'd be spending time writing stuff like this if I owned them? AUTHOR'S NOTES: After the angst-o-rama that was my previous fic, "SPLIT IN TWO," I thought I'd go for something lighter. Just me being silly...
HOT ARCHETYPES by Queen Mab Copyright 2004
"Ow."
"I can't see a freaking thing. How far did we fall?"
"Far enough. Ow!"
"Why are you ow-ing?"
"Because I think my knee is twisted. Ow, ow, ow--"
"Daniel, ow-ing about it isn't going to make it unbroken. Just calm down. Where's your flashlight?"
"I dropped it when I fell." (sighing sound) "Jack, where's yours?"
"Dropped it when we fell."
"Oh. That's really bad, isn't it?"
"Well, it ain't good."
(pause)
"Jack, now what? Ow."
"I'll try and move over to you--OW! SONOFABITCH!"
"What! What's the matter!"
"Yeah, that would be my wrist. Pretty sure that's broken."
"Great. This is just great."
"Yes, we've established this isn't good, Daniel. Can you reach your radio?"
"Uh, it's kinda..."
"What? It's kinda what?"
"It's kinda broken."
"Whaddaya mean it's broken? What's wrong with it?"
"It's hanging in a couple different pieces. How's yours?"
"Mine, OW! Damn wrist...my radio is...hanging in several different pieces."
"Great. Do you think Sam and Teal'c saw which way we went?"
"They were close by. I'm sure they'll backtrack. Wow...it's really dark down here."
"Yes, Jack, we are in a cave."
"Thank you. I'm painfully aware of that."
(pause)
"Should we start yelling?"
"Knock yourself out."
"SAM! TEAL'C! HELP!"
(pause)
"Feel better?"
"No, not really. My leg hurts."
(silence)
"Hey Daniel--Mary Anne, or Ginger?"
"Uh, what the hell are you talking about?"
"You know, Mary Anne or Ginger? The beauty queen, or the wholesome, pie-baking, gingham-wearing girl-next-door type? Samantha on 'Bewitched,' or Jeanie on "I Dream of Jeanie'? Brains or boobs?"
"Ah. This is relevant, how, exactly?"
"I'm just asking. You know, hasn't anybody ever asked you which was sexier--Velma or Daphne in 'ScoobyDoo'? Catwoman versus Poison Ivy? He-man versus She-ra?"
"What kinds of friends do you have, anyway? They spend all their time debating the attractiveness of television characters?"
"I was just trying to start a conversation."
"No, no, OW! This leg really hurts, it's just making me kinda cranky. I know what you're talking about. Archetypes. It's Jungian. Are you attracted to the femme fatale, or the mother figure? I've had this debate before, but it centered around Greek goddesses. Aphrodite versus Hera, the seductress versus the hearth."
"You are such an egghead, Daniel."
"Hey, you asked me a question, and I'm answering it. Do you smell...gas? Something's kinda making me lightheaded."
"Yeah, now that you mention it. Phew, smells like sulfur. Look, Carter and Teal'c will find us. We didn't get very far. They'll retrace their steps and realize they lost us at the last cave back."
"Except we fell down a very deep cravass, busting both our radios and flashlights."
"Thanks, Mr. Negative."
"Let's conserve oxygen, shall we?"
"Fine."
(pause)
"Jack?"
"I thought we weren't talking."
"Yeah."
(pause)
"Daniel?"
"Yeah?"
"What did you want to say?" (pause) "Daniel, it's very dark down here. Very dark and very quiet. You and I both know that can get pretty creepy."
"Ginger."
"Ginger? I would have picked you for a Mary Anne kinda guy. Why Ginger?"
"She was hot. Nice...coconuts."
"But Mary Anne was hot AND smart. Always helping the Professor out, really intelligent, just, there, you know? Ginger, you could never trust her. She'd have stolen all your money and ran off with the pool boy if you ever got together with her. She'd eat you alive. But Mary Anne--now she was loyal. She stuck by the Professor through it all. The disappointment every time another one of his inventions blew up in their faces, or everytime Gilligan screwed them out of getting off the island yet again, she was there, with a smile and batch of pineapples. I think she was smarter than the Professor in a lot of ways. Ginger, she was all sex, but no brains. Intelligence is way sexier than cleavage, don't you think?"
"Gas making you a little high, Jack?"
"Yeah, I'd say so. What the hell is this, nitrious oxide?"
"Nitrious oxide's odorless."
"I know that, Mr. Smartypants, I was making an observation on the fact that I feel like I've just huffed a pound of laughing gas. Hehe. Huffed is a pretty funny word."
"Yeah, it is pretty funny...heeheeee...now my leg doesn't hurt so much...."
"Colonel!"
(pause)
"Was that you, Daniel?"
"Of course it wasn't me! That's Sam!"
"Colonel! Daniel! Are you there?"
"Carter! Is that you?"
"Yes, sir! Where are you?"
"Down here! Daniel hurt his leg and my wrist's broken, and there's some sort of gas down here that's making us really high! Don't light any matches!"
"Yes, sir! We'll get you out! Hang on, sir!"
"Trust Carter to come to our rescue."
"She might even have pineapple."
"I can still bust your other leg, Egghead."
The End. Feedback is always fabulous at queenmab31@hotmail.com
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