How Do I Help?
How Do I Help?
by Queen Annae
Title: How Do I Help?
Author: Queen Annae
Email: QueenAn_nae@hotmail.com
Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, POV, Series
Season: any Season
Pairing: Jack/other, Sam/Jack
Rating: PG
Warnings: adult themes, minor character death, none, violence
Summary: Sam stands at Jack's side at his friend's funeral and wonders how to help him.
Sequel to: They Never Talked About It
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Sam stood and watched her CO. Colonel Jack O'Neill wasn't one to show his emotions. He wasn't showing them today either. Not showing them the way most might at a funeral of a dear friend. Not showing the way someone would at the funeral of the woman whom had died saving your life.
He showed it by being there. O'Neill avoided funerals when he could. He'd rather remember his friends as they had lived. This was different. Sam knew little of the woman in the casket. She'd seen her around the SGC a couple of times. No one seemed to know who she was or how she had clearance, just that she did.
Once Sam had asked the General who the mystery woman was. All she had gotten was that she had clearance to be there and the fewer questions asked the better. Sam had taken it to mean that she was Special Ops and most likely a Black Ops operative. Then she would see this woman with the Colonel and her demeanor would change. The hard military look would be gone and there would be a soft gentle expression greeting her CO. They'd laugh and leave together. As mysteriously as she arrived, in a few days she would be gone.
Sam knew they had a history together. It was plain to see. Not to many people were close enough to O'Neill to joke and laugh with him as she did. The Colonel always seemed quiet after seeing her. The constant motion wasn't there. He almost seemed content with himself and the world. She wondered how long they had known each other. It had to be a long time. It had to be before Sara.
Once the Colonel had said something that until today never made sense. He had told her that there are people that come into your life when you need them. They don't hang around all the time but keep showing up as if they know when you are in trouble. If you find someone like that consider yourself lucky. In looking back, it was right after Daniel ascended that he had said it. Right after a visit from the lady that now lay in a casket a few feet in front of them.
The Colonel had asked her to accompany him to the funeral. She wasn't sure why but knew that the Colonel wouldn't have asked if it wasn't important. Watching him shove down inside him all the pain and grief and guilt at the death of his friend she knew he needed someone to be here for him now that this woman was gone.
Sam knew she loved the Colonel. Even so, she had to wonder if she could have done what this woman had done. In the eulogy, General Hammond had said that no one knows for sure what he or she would do until the time comes to do it
Sam had been on the other side of the reviewing stand. She saw the woman scream "GUN" and throw herself at the Colonel after seeing where the gun was aimed. There had been no hesitation in her movements. Her reactions were swift and direct. Every move she made was the right one to protect with no thought of her own safety.
She'd never seen Colonel O'Neill near tears let alone crying but when she'd made it to his side in the Emergency Room he was wiping his eyes. No one else could get near him. Slowly she moved to his side. She didn't say anything. All she did was touch his arm. He nodded and they sat.
She sat with the Colonel through the surgical attempts to save the woman's life. He didn't say a word. There were no more tears. He clasped his hands and looked at the floor. She didn't know what to do. If the situation had been reversed she knew that the woman would have known what to do. All she could do was be there for him.
The Colonel always told her that she had a lot to learn. She wished she knew what to do at times like this. As the casket was lowered into the ground the Colonel turned to Sam. "She once told me that you reminded her of her when she was younger."
"Sir?"
"Maggie. Her real name was Maggie. Not matter what that stone says, her name was Maggie. Maggie and I would talk about you. She told me I was lucky to have someone young watching my six rather than an old bird like herself."
"How old was she sir?"
"Too young to die, Sam. Maggie was my friend. No matter what I did or where I went I knew that somewhere out there I had a friend that would be there for me. Even in the worse of my Black Ops days or when I lost Charlie and my marriage was falling apart, she was my friend. She didn't pretend to understand or condone some of what I did. She didn't judge me. She accepted me as I was then and as I am now."
"I wish I could have gotten to know her."
"You did."
"I don't remember her sir."
"When you were at the Pentagon angling to be transferred so you could go through with Daniel and I the first time we went to Abydos. She was there in your group."
"I don't think so."
O'Neill smiled in spite of the occasion. Maggie had told him that Sam wouldn't make the connection.
"She told me that if ever I told you that I should tell you that "Life isn't hard Sweetie unless you make it hard. Pick your enemies slow and your friends even slower.""
"Oh."
"You remember her?"
"Yes. She looked so different."
"Part of the job."
"Interesting sir that she'd find her way into both our lives."
"Yes, but not surprising."
"Sir"
"Yes?"
"I wish I could do more to help you. I don't know what to do."
"Yes you do. You are here for me, just as she would have been."
And then Sam understood. It wasn't what the woman did but that she was there, that she was always his friend. The Colonel had been right. She did have a lot to learn.
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