Hands
Hands
by pz
Summary: Yep! It's that time again. Jack's time to go. Sam muses on one of his attributes.
Category: Future Story, Romance
Season: future Season
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 04/03/03
HANDS
Waves of applause bounced of the walls and ceiling and echoed round the cavernous room. The ripples of sound washed over Lieutenant-Colonel Samantha Carter as she stood to attention. She allowed her eyes to glance sideways and they focussed on his hands. They were clasped in front of him, uncharacteristically still. She wondered at his hands. In some ways they looked like they didn't belong to him, but in another way that she found hard to define, they were just right. They were strong, but the fingers were long and slender; Piano player's hands, her mother would have said. The thought of Colonel Jack O'Neill playing the piano made her smile. His nails were smooth; short but not ragged or chewed.
Her eyes were drawn upwards and she studied his profile for a minute. He'd pulled the peak of his cap low over his eyes, but she could still see a faint blush colouring his cheeks and the tip of his nose and chin. He was looking straight ahead, his eyes almost unfocussed until she saw them visibly refocus on General George Hammond as he stopped in front of him.
`Jack, I'll see you later at the reception?'
He saluted the General and nodded.
Suddenly he was surrounded by bodies. Ferretti was amongst the first, his arm clamped around the Colonel's shoulders. I backed off discretely from the scrum and headed out of the gate room. I'm sad to admit it, but the first stop was my lab. I've spent so much of my life in that dungeon of a room that it feels like home. At least there is something comforting about its familiarity. Besides I needed a tissue. I'd held up pretty well until that moment when the General had pinned another row of coloured ribbon onto the Colonel's jacket. And when that was followed by the shining silver medal, I couldn't help it. I'd felt the tears prick at the back of my eyes. My God, we've been a family for so long. I leaned against the cold metal of the generator and let the tears have full reign. Nothing wrong with a little self pity every now and again, as long as it doesn't last too long, so I gave myself a sharp reprimand, dried my face and carefully reapplied my makeup. Glancing at my watch, I realised that the reception was in full flow and as the Colonel's 2IC I ought to be present, make witty comments, swap stories with old comrades. My composure slid, just for a moment when I realised that I was only his 2IC for two more hours. And then what?.....
When I arrived at the Commissary, the party was in full swing. I caught sight of Daniel as I entered and waved. He was deep in discussion with the newest member of the SGC archaeological team. Teal'c was stood in the other corner fending off a very determined young Captain who was fluttering her eyelashes at him and Jonas immediately headed over. The year that we'd spent working together before Daniel came back had cemented a relationship between us and in many ways I felt like an older sister towards him. I was glad to see him.
`Hey, Jonas'.
`Major Carter. I was just wondering where you were'.
`Just had a couple of things to sort out,' I said lamely.
Jonas just looked at me with that way he has.
`It is a pretty sad day', he said astutely.
I nodded dumbly and he put his arm round my shoulder until I signalled to him that I was alright.
`Shall I get you a drink?' he asked kindly.
I nodded again and he headed off towards the bar. I glanced round some more and spotted Janet and General Hammond laughing over some reminiscences. The Colonel was stood next to the bar, still surrounded by friends. I managed to catch his eye and he flicked an eyebrow upwards. I nodded so slightly, no one else would have seen, but he grimaced in return. I suddenly found myself drawn towards the jumble of punch cups, chaotically arranged on a nearby table. Systematically I started arranging them in concentric circles, the handles all turned towards the centre point. I found the pattern and the repetition soothing to my frazzled senses. I was just weighing the last cup in my hands when a low voice interrupted my concentration.
`Carter, whatchya doin'?'
I jumped and the cup slipped out of my grasp. A hand shot out from behind me and deftly caught it. With a fluid movement, he placed the cup down into it's place in the pattern, it's handle in exactly the right place.
`Thank you, sir,' I muttered.
I felt him step away from behind me and somehow I felt bereft.
`Thought I'd take one last turn round the base,' he said, 'Want to accompany your ex CO?'
I looked quickly at my watch. It flashed 23:30.
`Not ex yet, sir,' I said, `Another 30 minutes'.
`Ahh,' he muttered.
As he turned and headed for the door, I followed him.
I saw Jonas heading back with a drink, but he saw me following the Colonel, and smiling he detoured and headed towards Daniel.
We walked in silence though the deserted corridors. His hands were thrust into his pockets and I noticed the slight limp that had ended his military career. A lump rose in my throat. Before I realised it, we were stood outside the gate room. He swiped his card and entered. The lights were dimmed and the iris was closed as a safety measure. I glanced up at the control room, but it was deserted. The new automated gate programs were functioning in place of the technicians who usually manned the desk.
I watching him walk up the ramp and look upwards towards the grey ring arching above him.
`I'm gonna' miss this,' he said simply.
I nodded silently. I knew he couldn't see me, but I didn't trust myself to talk.
`We've had some fun times, Carter?' he asked, spinning round and walking back down towards me.
`Yes, sir,' I stammered, `not sure I'd always have called it `fun', sir'.
`I wouldn't have left SG1 in anyone else's hands, but yours,' he said seriously
I watched him, not caring anymore whether he could see the unshed tears glistening in my eyes.
`I know Teal'c will always watch your six,' he continued, `and Jonas is shaking down to be a pretty good guy. And as for Daniel, he'll keep you on the straight and narrow, not that you need it quite like I did.'
I nodded as he gave a satisfied sigh.
`I guess the world is safe in your hands,' he said sincerely.
I think the phrase is something to do with straws and camels, well, that was the straw that finally did it. Broke my back, that is. I stifled a sob and turned away, embarrassed that the Colonel should see me. Crying is not the thing for air force officers to do.
I noticed the clock on the gate room wall. It was 30 seconds to midnight. I willed the second hand to slow down, but it swept inexorably towards the twelve. I held my breath until the moment passed.
`Oh well, not many people get to retire three times from the same job,' said the Colonel, `oh, and resign once.'
I looked at him curiously.
`Resign, sir?'
`Drop the sir, Carter,' he added, not noticing that he still called me Carter. I didn't mind. It felt kind of comforting. Like a pet name. Particularly now that he didn't have to use it. I wanted him to call me `Carter'. No one else did.
`When did you resign?' I persisted, my curiosity aroused.
He thought for a moment and then smiled a particular smile that looked vaguely familiar.
`Oh, it was a couple of years ago,' he said not elucidating any further.
`Why?' I asked, not aware that I'd asked that question once before.
I was puzzled when he laughed, but then he stopped suddenly and looked at me seriously. With one stride he was right inside my personal space. Not that I minded. He'd been welcome there for a very long time. His eyes caught mine as he spoke.
`So I could do this,' he said simply.
It was then that those hands came up and clasped my face. His touch was so soft and gentle that I knew I could pull away at any time, but instead I let my face be drawn towards his. As our lips touched, he slid his arms around me, his hands never leaving contact with my back as he turned me round and dipped me down. I felt his arms tighten around me supporting me completely and vaguely recognised that my own arm had snaked up and clasped him around his neck. The kiss lasted what seemed for ever before he gently stood me up and released his grasp on me. I kept my eyes closed for a minute as he ran his fingertips over my face, his hands gently caressing my cheeks. At last I opened them and looked at him anxiously. He had that smile on his face again. The one that looked familiar, but untypical. Then I remembered.
`The time loop,' I said simply.
His eyebrows shot up.
`Daniel asked you whether you'd considered that what ever you did in that time loop would have no consequences. And you just looked at me like that. You kissed me, didn't you?'
`Resigned first and then kissed you,' he corrected.
`Why bother resigning if there were no consequences?' I asked.
`Because it mattered to me that it was done right,' he said, `Besides I wasn't sure that the time loop would happen again, and what if it hadn't?'
`You were prepared to resign for one kiss?' I asked, astonished.
His hands began their customary fluttering, and I noticed that his cheeks had pinked up again.
`I kinda hoped that there would be more than one,' he said wincing.
`Two then?' I teased.
`Maybe more?' he prompted.
`What if the time loop hadn't happened again, and the way that things turned out meant that there only ever was that one kiss?'
His hands stopped suddenly and he thrust them back into his pockets.
`Then it would still have been worth it,' he muttered stubbornly.
I decided that it was time that I stopped playing with him, and I stepped forwards and grabbing his wrists, I pulled both his hands out of his pockets. Taking them in mine I turned them over and examined them. I noticed that small criss cross of scars that ran across one palm. Something I guess he'd acquired before I knew him. I ran my fingers over his curving thumbs. I'd noticed them right at the beginning but it had taken me a while to realise the advantages they gave him. He was able to throw or shoot with deadly accuracy using either hand, and I know that he exercised his left hand constantly to make sure that he kept that ambidextrous advantage. Without even thinking I raised first one hand then the other and planted a kiss on each of his upturned palms.
When I looked at him, his eyes were closed, the faint blush colouring his cheeks. As I watched, he opened his eyes. I could have drowned in the depths of those dark brown pools.
`What now?' he asked eventually.
`Well, my team is going to P7C tomorrow,' I said wickedly.
I watched him squirm.
`Guess you won't want to bother with an old retired Colonel, with all that excitement?' he prompted, a slight sulk curling his lips.
`I hope that I'll always be able to call on your experience, Jack,' I said deliberately refusing to acknowledge what he was really asking.
`Jack?' he queried.
`What else do you suggest I call you?'
He looked thoughtful for a moment.
`Just kinda used to `sir' or `Colonel' or even `O'Neill',' he muttered, his head down.
`Hammond has asked me to act as civilian advisor to the SGC,' he said suddenly, taking his turn to surprise me.
`What does that mean?' I asked curiously.
`Although I'd be a liability in the field with this leg,' he said, tapping his knee, `George reckons I still have something to offer the SGC.'
`Of course you do, sir.'
`Sir?'
`Jack,' I corrected myself.
He stood silently in front of me his hands clasping and unclasping nervously in front of him. I reached out and stilled them.
`It means that I'll be able to discuss missions with you. Ask advice of a friend if you like,' I said.
He just raised his eyebrows in acknowledgement. I caught myself beaming at him.
`I was dreading this day, sir. Even though I guess we all knew that it would come one day'
He let the 'sir' slide by and simply nodded.
`Me too. But life will carry on, it always does. Other people will fight the wars and nobody will notice.'
`I will,' I said sincerely.
He gave me a lopsided grin and then repeated his previous question, `What now?'
`Now I have an early morning mission to prepare for,' I said, `and then I have our new civilian advisor to brief afterwards.'
`I hear that he's a stickler for protocol,' he said.
I nodded, `A real grouch, so they say'.
`They do?' he asked.
`Oh yes. But I'm not afraid of him. After all I am a Lieutenant-Colonel in the United States air force.'
`Yes, you are, aren't you,' he said, almost proudly.
`We should go home,' I said.
`Early start,' he repeated.
I held out my hand and he took it solemnly. I realised how often I'd wanted to do that over the years and now I could. I guess that I should know him by now, but I don't. I know the fabric that he's made of and I like it. But I only know him when he's wearing it as a uniform, and I want to know him as a man. That part of my life has been on hold for the past seven years, but know I can feel it unfurling in front of me. I was mesmerised by his hands as they closed over mine and squeezed them gently. His long fingers wrapping round mine. He pulled me close and very softly and kindly kissed me on the cheek.
`Colonel, you have a mission in the morning,' he reminded me.
`Yes, Jack,' I grinned.
`I'd like to have dinner waiting for you when you get back?' he asked tentatively.
`I'd like that.'
He gave me that very special grin again.
I guess we'll just play it by ear from here on in. It's amazing how endings are also beginnings. Everything had changed instantly when that Jaffa shot the Colonel in the knee, but maybe we were just on borrowed time. Perhaps everything happens for a reason. I know that something clicked into a groove. My hand felt like it belonged in his. It felt safe and protected. I sighed with satisfaction and then did something I'd dreamed about a few times in the secret dreams that I cherished on lonely nights staying in the mountain. I pushed him lightly until his back was against the gate room wall and turning my face up to his I kissed him. I released him from my grasp and ran my hands through his hair. I could feel his heart pounding as I leaned against him. His hands cradled my face, his thumbs caressing the side of my face with a gentleness that overwhelmed me. Finally we broke apart and saying nothing he enveloped me in his arms his face buried in my hair. When he spoke, his delicious drawl sent shivers up my spine.
`Take care, Colonel. The SGC needs one of us and I think that it's better off with you.'
`I will, Colonel. I have something to come home to,' I said, then added as an afterthought, `I hope!'
`I hope so, too,' he said, `Give me your hand'.
I did as he asked.
`So small. How can hands so small be so efficient when you're firing a weapon or using a soldering iron? Bring these hands home to me. Do you promise?' he said.
`I promise,' I said docilely.
So we have closure, as the psych guys say. I don't know about that. It seems more like an opening to me, I just know that I have my hands full from here on in. I know that he's going to find it difficult not being on active duty, but we'll deal with that when the time comes.
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