Smile
Smile
by pz
Summary: The retelling of 'Hands' from Jack's POV. Future story set on Jack's last day, of course!!
Category: Future Story
Season: future Season
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 06/29/03
SMILE
Sequel to `Hands', kind of. It's the same story from Jack's perspective, but you need to read `Hands' first for it to really make sense.
`What's she looking at? She thinks I can't see her, but I can. She's smiling! What the hell's she thinking about? That woman thinks all the time, even when she's standing to attention. I wish that Hammond would get on with this, I could kill for a beer. I don't think I've ever told her how much I like the way she smiles, especially those thousand megawatt smiles that can light up a room. Bet you've never noticed that she doesn't smile like other people. See, the ordinary Joe in the street, he smiles from the corners of his mouth, but not Carter. Oh no, she starts in the centre and works out. Kinda hard to explain really, but you'd know exactly what I mean if you saw her '
`Why are they all applauding? I guess that it's all over at last. Who'd have thought that one lousy shot in the knee from a Jaffa could finally get that signature on the retirement papers? Lucky shot anyway! She still doesn`t know that I can see her. Why`s she looking at my hands? I'm pretty sure they're clean. Clean enough, anyways.'
`What's Hammond saying? Sure, I'll see you there, George. Wouldn't miss it for the world. Funny, that's possibly the last salute I'll ever give. That's definitely odd.'
Suddenly he was surrounded by bodies. Ferretti was amongst the first, his arm clamped around the Colonel's shoulders.
`Where's she going? She thinks I haven't seen her, but I have. For cryin' out loud, Ferretti, lay off. The guy might be small but if he squeezes any harder he's gonna break my arm. Bet she's gone to that bolthole of hers, still I'll see her at the reception. What if it's for the last time? O'Neill you're just gonna have to break the habit of a lifetime and keep in contact with people. I don't like to think of not seeing any of them ever again. Daniel won't let that happen though, I know he won't, but what about Carter? She's more like me than she knows; Military through and through. Come on guys, lets go get some beers'.
`Siler, pass me a bottle'.
`I'll swear that guy gets slower and slower by the day. Hey, it's 2200 hours. Where's Carter? I can see Danny. He's over there boring the pants of that new guy in Archaeology, what's he called? McGregor? McGowan? McManus? McSomething? Who knows? Where's Carter? Wow!! Teal'c looks like he's made a hit. Should I go rescue him? Nah, the big guy can look after himself, I guess.'
`Ah, at last. My 2IC has arrived. I have to say that she looks hot in dress blues, she always looks hot in dress blues. I remember the first time that she walked into that briefing room. I saw Kawalski's eyes. He was impressed. Jonas is heading over towards her. He's a good kid. I know I gave him a hard time when he arrived, but he stuck with it I'm glad to say. She looks sad. I think she's been crying. She's obviously made a pretty good attempt to cover it up, but I always could tell when a woman's been crying. Sarah used to say it was an uncanny ability. Most men don't notice. I don't like it when she cries. She's probably the woman least likely to cry that I've ever known. Which means she must feel pretty bad. I hope nobody's tried anything on with her. I'll break their neck. If I can just get outta this ruck I'll go speak to her.'
`What's Jonas doing? He's put his arm round her shoulder. It looks like a comfort thing, though. Great guy! Oh, oh, she's looking in this direction. She doesn't even know it, but that little smile speaks volumes. It's a sad smile. It hasn't reached her eyes. I can see that even from over here. Gotta let her know that I'll get out from this gang and come over there. Damn it! She's turned away and she's fiddling with the punch cups. Hang on, Carter, I'm coming'
`I love being this close to her when she doesn't know it. I can smell her. She always smells great. She's completely engrossed in arranging those little cups, but I should speak to her'.
`Carter, whatchya doin'?'
`Sorry for making you jump. I least I caught the cup! That Jaffa might have zapped my knee, but the old reflexes are as fast as ever. I see what you're doing, I won't spoil your pattern. `
`Thank you, sir,' she muttered.
`Am I in her personal space? I don't want to make her uncomfortable, better step away, although it's not easy. Maybe that's exactly why I should step away.'
`My head's feeling kinda cloudy. Maybe Carter'll walk round the old stomping grounds with me. That'd be nice. One last turn for the old guy and his 2IC'.
`Thought I'd take one last turn round the base,' I said, 'Want to accompany your ex CO?'
`She's looking at her watch. Maybe she has other plans?'
`Not ex yet, sir,' she said, `Another 30 minutes'.
`Ahh,' I muttered, relieved that she wasn`t going to blow me out.
`Is she going to come? Head for the door, Jack and you'll soon find out. Oh, good, she's following me.'
`I used to love walking these corridors late at night when it's all quiet. I don't know what to say to her. Can't even think of a good joke. Damned leg's aching too! Head for the gate room. It'll be nice to see the gate for a last time. Hope the card hasn't been cancelled yet. No! Thank you , General!'
`Ah, there it is. That innocuous, grey, metallic ring. I'm gonna miss it. That moment when we all stand near the slope, doing a last minute check, waiting for that kawoosh and the shimmering watery thing to form. What's Carter call it? Oh, yeah, the event horizon. Gotta walk up the ramp once more. Make like we were going to step through into some tree covered, raining planet, Carter at my side, always ready!
`I'm gonna' miss this,' I said.
`I can imagine the look on her face. I know she'll be feeling this just as hard as me'.
`We've had some fun times, Carter?' I asked, spinning round and walking back down towards her.
`Yes, sir,' she stammered, `not sure I'd always have called it `fun', sir'.
`God, look at her face. She looks devastated. Does it really mean that much to you, Sam? You'll still be going though that gate, just not with me. I wish I could tell her how damned proud I am that she's taking command of SG1. She deserves it and I know she'll do a great job. Try Jack. Try and tell her'.
`I wouldn't have left SG1 in anyone else's hands, but yours,' I said seriously.
`There's tears in her eyes! She doesn't care anymore that I can see them. Don't cry, Sam, please! I couldn't take if you cry'.
`I know Teal'c will always watch your six,' I continued, `and Jonas is shaking down to be a pretty good guy. And as for Daniel, he'll keep you on the straight and narrow, not that you need it quite like I did.'
`There, that's better. She's smiling again, only a little, but that's enough'.
`I guess the world is safe in your hands,' I said, meaning every word.
`I don't think I should have said that. Her face has just crumpled and although she's turned away from me, I can hear her sobbing. Don't, Sam. If only you knew how it breaks my heart. She's turning away. What d'ya do now, Jack? I don't have a clue! She's looking at the gate room clock. Hmph, look at that, 30 seconds to go until midnight and then you're a retired, ex-colonel; again! She seems mesmerised by it, I'm sure that she's holding her breath. 3, 2, 1. That's it!'
`Oh well, not many people get to retire three times from the same job,' I said, `oh, and resign once.'
`Not sure I should have said that. It just kinda slipped out. Of course she's picked up on it immediately. She's looking at me in that way that she has. With her eyes looking right through me.'
`Resign, sir?' she questioned.
`Drop the sir, Carter,' I said.
`Wonder if she minds me calling her Carter now that I'm no longer her CO? I like calling her Carter. It sound impersonal, but it's very personal really. Nobody else calls her Carter. It's my name for her. She's going to ask me about the resignation, I know she is!'
`When did you resign?' she asked.
`I knew she would. God, that was one helluva great time, that time loop thing. Not the learning Latin and the endless fruit loops, but after Daniel made that remark about it being a window of opportunity, then it was great. Hammond's face when we played golf through the gate! Unmissable! And of course, there was the kiss. What a helluva kiss that was! I'm pretty darned sure that I nearly gave it away. Couldn't help myself. If a man can't look like the cat that's got the cream when he's kissed the most beautiful woman in the galaxy, then when can he? Mmm. I've probably got that look on again, just by thinking about it. She wants to know when I resigned. Just play it non-committal, Jack. That's the best'
`Oh, it was a couple of years ago,' I said, not elucidating any further.
`Why?' she asked, not aware that she'd asked that question once before.
`Oh, this is too much. Talk about dj vu! She just asked me why I resigned. She even had the same look as on that day. One of total curiosity and concern. Wonder if I could try the same line again? I'd sure love to have another kiss before I go. Just one. She looks so adorable. Her eyes are just that little bit red from crying and her cheeks are flushed. I'm not her CO any more so it's up to her and me. Take it slow, Jack. Let her dictate the speed, but one more kiss. Just one! Get close to her. Use the same line. Let her know how you feel'.
`So I could do this,' I said simply.
`Take it easy, Jack. I want to touch her face, just like I did last time. Let her see that she can pull away at any time she wants. Oh God, her skin feels so soft and smooth. She's not pulling away. She's closing her eyes; tilting her face up towards me. She wants me to kiss her, and there's nothing in the world that I want to do more right now. Slide your arms around her, Jack. Make her feel safe. Oh God, her arm's slid up round my neck exactly like last time! She feels and tastes so good. I could do this forever!'
`Don't force it, Jack! Break off the kiss and let her decide what to do next. Please God, let her want what I want!'
`Her eyes are still closed. I can see her eyelashes on her cheeks. I love the expression on her face. I didn't see it last time, that damned loop thing happened. I hope she doesn't mind me touching her face while she has her eyes closed. I can't resist it. She's smiling without even knowing it. But it's a secret little smile that she only gives to me. I love it. She's opening her eyes.'
`Oh no, she's worked it out
`The time loop,' she said.
She's definitely worked it out! I wonder if I've blown it?'
`Daniel asked you whether you'd considered that what ever you did in that time loop would have no consequences. And you just looked at me like that. You kissed me, didn't you?' she asked.
`Resigned first and then kissed you,' I corrected.
`Why bother resigning if there were no consequences?' she asked.
`Tell her Jack. Tell her that it did matter. It mattered that it was done right. I mean what the hell would have happened if by some freak chance that time loop thing hadn't have happened again?'
`Because it mattered to me that it was done right,' I said, `Besides I wasn't sure that the time loop would happen again, and what if it hadn't?'
`You were prepared to resign for one kiss?' she asked.
`Great question! That's the problem with Carter. She always gets right to the nub of the thing. What ever it is. She has that way of stripping things back to their elemental state. Guess that's what becomes of being a scientist. Hell, I can feel my cheeks blushing. No point in hiding stuff from her, she'll know. Tell her. Tell her that you didn't resign for one kiss. You resigned for one woman and hopefully a lot of kisses. Bit of a gamble though! She could've easily smacked me one, or just said no!'
`I kinda hoped that there would be more than one,' I said, wincing.
`Is she smirking?'
`Two then?' she said.
`She's teasing me! Teasing is good!'
`Maybe more?' I prompted.
`What if the time loop hadn't happened again, and the way that things turned out meant that there only ever was that one kiss?'
`Another killer question. What would you have done, Jack? Go for it. Tell her what you really think. It would have been worth it. You get to a time in your life when you start to weigh things up. Some things gat to have more value than they do when you're young. A chance of happiness would be worth the risk. Oh yeah. Very definitely worth the risk.'
`Then it would still have been worth it,' I muttered stubbornly.
`The ball's in your court now Carter. There's nothing more I can say. What's she doing. She's got a look in her eye that could frighten a man. She's got my wrists, pulling my hands out of my pockets. I like my hands in my pockets. They feel safe there. She's looking at them! She looking at the scars I got that time in Iraq. She's touching me so gently, it's gotta be a good sign. She looks a million miles away. I wonder what she's thinking? Probably regretting being here with this old ex-air force Colonel in a concrete bunker under a mountain in Colorado. Oh, maybe not. She just kissed my hands. Just like that. Of her own free will. That has to be a good sign. It just does, oh God, Jack, just close your eyes and enjoy it. Does she have any idea what she's doing to me?'
`What now?' I asked eventually.
`Well, my team is going to P7C tomorrow,' she said wickedly.
`She knows damned well that I don't mean that. She knows that I mean us. Play her at her own game Jack'.
`Guess you won't want to bother with an old retired Colonel, with all that excitement?' I prompted.
`I hope that I'll always be able to call on your experience, Jack,' she said.
`The little witch knows exactly what she's doing to me. She's killing me. She called me Jack! Since when did Carter call me Jack. Since almost never, that's when'.
`Jack?' I queried.
`What else do you suggest I call you?'
`She's got me there!'
`Just kinda used to `sir' or `Colonel' or even `O'Neill',' I muttered.
`Tell her about Hammond. Tell her about the new job. She'll understand. I don't know what she'll think'.
`Hammond has asked me to act as civilian advisor to the SGC,' I said suddenly.
`What does that mean?' she asked curiously.
`Although I'd be a liability in the field with this leg,' I said, tapping my knee, `George reckons I still have something to offer the SGC.'
`Her face is a picture. If you could bottle that look, you'd make millions. She has this softest of smiles, a dimple just appearing at the corner of her mouth. I'd love to kiss it right now'.
`Of course you do, sir.'
She called me sir. I think it is time that she didn't. I'd better remind her'
`Sir?'
`Jack,' she corrected herself.
`That's it now. I don't have a clue what to say. I don't know where we go from here. I don't now anything very much any more. Did I mention that I lover her eyes too. The way they're looking at me right now. I could dive right into them.'
`It means that I'll be able to discuss missions with you. Ask advice of a friend if you like,' she said.
`That sound promising. Like she wants to see me some more after tonight. Even if it's just friends. I'll take anything I can get right now'.
`Wow! I just got the full thousand megawatts. It makes me feel weak at the knees, and the stomach, and the head, and the......'
`I was dreading this day, sir. Even though I guess we all knew that it would come one day' she said.
`You're tellin' me, Carter. I don't think she even realised that she called me sir. The one thing I know for sure is that nobody is as necessary as they like to think they are. There's always someone else who can do their job just as well as they did'.
`Me too. But life will carry on, it always does. Other people will fight the wars and nobody will notice.'
`I will,' she said sincerely.
`Thank you, Carter. I like that. I like to think that I mean something to somebody. So like I said before, what now?'.
`Now I have an early morning mission to prepare for,' she said, `and then I have our new civilian advisor to brief afterwards.'
`She means me! Is she saying she wants to see me when she gets back? Play it cool. Jack'
`I hear that he's a stickler for protocol,' I said.
She nodded, `A real grouch, so they say'.
`Hey! You could've denied it. That would have been nice'.
`They do?' I asked.
`Oh yes. But I'm not afraid of him. After all I am a Lieutenant-Colonel in the United States air force.'
`I'd almost forgotten about her promotion. She has no idea how proud I am of her. Good job you got out while the going's good, Colonel. I've got a feeling it wouldn't be very long before you're calling her ma'am. Not that I wouldn't have been proud to do that as well. God, I'm tired and she must be too. It's been kind of a long day. She needs to be fresh for tomorrow's mission'.
`Can I risk a goodnight kiss? Just a little one. She's holding out her hand to me. It looks so small when I take it in mine. It feels warm. Her fingers are slim and long, just like her. I can wrap the whole of her hand easily in mine. I want to feel her close to me. It relaxes me. Makes me feel good. I'll kiss her on the cheek. Neutral. Not too pushy. Friendly.'
`Colonel, you have a mission in the morning,' I reminded her.
`Yes, Jack,' she grinned.
`I've just have a great idea. A truly great idea. Ask if you can make her dinner for when she gets back tomorrow night? Nothin' fancy. Steak and salad. Still, better than commissary food'.
`I'd like to have dinner waiting for you when you get back?' I asked tentatively.
`She's gone all shy. Please say yes'.
`I'd like that.'
`Life just doesn't get any better! Maybe that Jaffa did me a favour after all. If I know Carter, she'd say that everything happens for a reason. Don't know if I agree with that, but I like the sentiment. She's looking at me with a strange expression. What's she doin'? She's pushing me back against the wall '.
`Holy Hannah! She's kissing me. Not a sissy, prissy little kiss. A full blown, mouth open, back against the wall, mind blowing, tongue tangling kiss. I'm sure she's making little moaning sounds. Does she have any idea what she's doing to me. I don't know if this creaky old body can stand it. Oh God, she's running her hands through my hair. My heart's beating enough to just about break through my chest. I have to hold her face. I can't not do.'
`She's moving away. You'll kill me, Carter. I have to hold her close to me. I want to bury my face in her sweet smelling hair. Come back safe to me, Sam. I have to have you back'
`Take care tomorrow, Colonel. The SGC needs one of us and I think that it's better off with you' I said.
`Her face is a picture. She looks so pleased, but suddenly a little shy'.
`I will, Colonel. I have something to come home to,' she said, then added as an afterthought, `I hope!'
`I hope so, too,' I said, `Give me your hand'.
`She's done as I asked and given me her hand. I just can't bear to let her go'.
`So small. How can hands so small be so efficient when you're firing a weapon or using a soldering iron? Bring these hands home to me. Do you promise?' I said.
`I promise,' she said docilely.
`So that's kind of it. Not much more to tell really, except that endings can sometimes be beginnings as well and that fate has a habit of turning round and slapping you in the face. Maybe that Jaffa did me a favour after all. She'll go on that mission tomorrow with the rest of the guys. It's only a meet and greet and she'll be home by nightfall. I'll have the barbeque coals glowing. She'll be tired, so I'll sit her down and rub her shoulders, pour her a drink, listen to her. Then we'll eat, maybe watch some tv and then..... Who knows? She's giving me a smile. It's a new kind of smile that I don't remember seeing before. Maybe it's a special smile just for me. God, I hope so.'
THE END
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