What I want
What I want
by Nikki.H.
TITLE: What I want
AUTHOR: Nikki.H.
EMAIL: scc@theplanet.net.au
CATEGORY: Sam and Jack UST. (sorta) only angry angsty...
SPOILERS: Tagent- missing scene in ship.
SEASON / SEQUEL:
RATING: PG (one naughty word)
CONTENT WARNINGS: small language, male/female realationship
SUMMARY: During an argument with her father, Sam revels apart of herself no one knew existed.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: sorry for the typos and spelling mistakes- my spell cheaker isn't working! :(
FEEDBACK: Please come on please????? even if you hated it, let me know so I can fix it! Pretty please with a Colonel ontop? :p
"Why aren't you eating?" Jacob questioned his daughter who was currently picking at the food cubes that the tok'ra had supplied. Daniel, who didn't like the look of the blobs of jelly, ate it any way out of fear of what the older man might do.
"I'm not hungry." Sam replied looking down at her plate.
"You should eat something. When was the last time you ate something?"
"I don't know." Sam said in a tone that Daniel had only heard once, and that was when she was possesed by Jolinar. He looked up from his plate and watched as she continued to stare at her food plate with a look of dispear on her face, the same face she got every time one of them was introuble and she couldn't do anything for them. Daniel knew imediatly that she was thinking of Jack, she was probably angry at herself for not having come up with a faster and better way to rescue them.
"How can you not know? Look at you, your practicaly a stick." Jacob said putting more food onto her plate. Sam pushed the plate away and contiued to glare at the table. "Sam, have something to eat." He insisted, slidding it back infront of her. Daniel willed her to take a bite to at least make Jacob happy, but by the determined look that crossed her face he knew she wouldn't.
"I said I'm not hungry!" Sam yelled and pushed the plate away again. She stood up from the table and went to leave when Jacob called her back with a tone that scarred Daniel to the core.
"Samantha Elizabeth Carter!" He shouted and Daniel knew that Sam was in for trouble. "You get your sorry backside back here and you appologise for your behaviour." Jacob lectured standing up. Daniel looked at his plate sheepishly, not wanting to intrude on the family fuede, but listening with a morbid sense of curiousity. He'd never heard Sam rebel against her father before, never seen her half as angry as she looked now, and in a sense it made him more curious, wondering about all the fights she must of had with her dad as a teenager. "No."
"Excuse me?" Jacob spluttered as Sam continued to face the wall, not moving a millimeter. "You want to repeat that soilder?" Daniel bit his lip, he knew from what Sam had told him that she always felt like her father saw her as nothing but a soilder, and with the way Jacob stood behind her, he could see how Sam had gotten that impression.
"I said No, *Sir*. Would you like me to repeat it for you?" Sam snapped sharply.
"I beg your pardon? Don't you dare take that tone of voice with me young lady or I'll-"
"You'll what?" Sam asked whirling around. "You'll what Dad? You'll court martial me? You'll lock me in my room like when I was a kid and post airmen outside my door? Funny that, last time I cheaked you wern't my General and I *don't* have to answer to you."
Daniel jumped as Jacob slammed his hand down on the table and glared at his daughter with an intense look. Sam contiued to stare at him with the same furious look, a scowl perched upon her lips. "How *dare* you talk down to me. I am your father and you *will* respect me. Stop acting like a damn child."
"I'm not acting like a child, Dad. I for once am acting my age. *You* are the one who sees me as a child. I am 33 years old, you no longer have any reign over me." Sam replied, her tone crisp, her glare icy, Daniel was begining to wish more and more he was apart of the wallpaper on the walls, theres was no way he wanted to even more to give away his presence.
Jacob matched her glare and his nostrils flared, Selmac struggling to keep his mouth shut. " I am your father, I have every rein over you that is possible. And yes, I am treating you like a child becasue you no longer know how to act like an adult. Adults are repsonible! They do not go runnig around the glaxay acting like idiots and sleepign with their COs."
A deadly silence filtered the room and Daniels eyes snapped to Sam. He already knew from experince in seeing her in battle that she was warming up for an all out fight as her shoulders tensed. Jacob seemed to sense it to and tried to sqaure his shoulders, but they sagged slightly as Sam opened her mouth."No instead, they act like over bearing bastards who feel the need to yell at anyone they like. They are allowed to walk over people when ever they feel like it and punish those to how they see fit. And for the last and final time I am not sleeping with Colonel O'Neill and even if I was, it would be none of your business."
Daniel looked down at his plate and shrunk back as Jacob stormed towards his daughter, his face inches from her, Sam glare never backing down. "It is my business when your ruining your career."
"My career?" Sam spluttered angrily pushing him away. "Since when have you given a flying fuck about my carreer?" Daniel opened his mouth in horror as Jacob slapped her across the face and Sam shrunk back angrily holding a hand to her face where he had hit her, tears brimming in her eyes.
"Don't you ever, *ever* use that laungage again Samantha! I brought you up better then that, you are a Carter and you will act like one." Jacob snarled. He bent his head and Selmac took over reaching out as Sam contiued to stare at the ground blinking away her tears. "Samantha, I think it is best if you leave. Your father did not mean to hurt you, he is just upset."
"Stay out of it Selmac, this is between me and my father!"
Jacob took over and he snatched Sam arm, yanking her to face him. "Don't speak to her like that. She has done nothing to you, nor have I."
"That's exactly right Dad. You've done *nothing*!" Sam spat out and yanked her arm away. "Do you know what today is Dad? Huh? You remember what the date is?" Sam asked angrily as she watched Jacob glare at her, trying to think what the importance of today was. "It's my damn birthday!" She yelled.
Daniel bit his lip. He'd complelty forgotten and by the looks of it so had Jacob as he reached out for her. Daniel cringed, he remembered the way Sam had looked at him expectanly when he saw her in the morning and he felt guilt creep in as she had looked disapointed. But she had looked so happy before Jack went missing that he thought it was nothing. "Sammy I'm sorry, I had no-" Jacob tried to appologise.
"Yeah I know. No idea." Sam finished for him bitterly. " Same as last year right? And the year before and the many years before that?!?" Sam finished, pushing his hands away. "So come on, Dad, lay on the excuses of 'I was busy', 'I was on a mission', well how about the truth dad, huh? How about 'The truth is I don't give a damn, never had, never will.'."
"Samantha, you know very well that I love you." Jacob said in a softer voice, but Sam had none of it.
"No, No you don't! The one person who does care was Colonel O'Neill!"
Daniel looked down at his hands, saded and feeling rejected, sure he'd forgotten her birthday, but it didn't mean he didn't care about her, since when had Jack became a saviour? He was always making her cry, what did he do that Daniel didn't? But Sam wasn't finished and contiued to yell at her father, pacing back and forth as he stood still. "Yeah thats right dad, the man who's screwing up by life, who will probably in your eyes knock me up and I'll be a house wife all my life. Yeah, he's the one who came in this morning and said 'Hey Carter! Just wanted to wish you happy birthday, I'm sorry I didn't buy you anything, but I thought maybe we could take you out for dinner, me and the guys, Danny even said he'd shout to make up for forgetting.'" Daniel felt foolish as he realised Jack had single handedly saved his butt and he was thankful.
"Samantha, you know how I feel about him." Jacob started. "I like O'Neill too, but that dosn't mean you can start sleeping with him. I will not let any daughter of mine be with a man who can't keep his brains in his pants."
Sam glared at him and Daniel litterly ducked for cover under his plate.
"Don't you *ever*, ever talk about him like that. How dare you! I can't believe you just said that! You have no right to judge a man on rumours.
You don't know him like I do dad, your not their with him every single day, risking your life for a man who would lay down his life for anyone. It is
*you* who should be the one to be judged."
"Your only saying that becasue you think your in love. Sam, it will pass.
It may seem wonderful and new and fantastic now but later on you will be bored,*he* will get bored. I'm sorry to be so cruel, but he'll leave, he'll find another blonde. I'm only saying this becasue I love you sweetie, and don't want to see you get hurt. I want to see you happy." Jacob sooted running a hand over her hair.
Sam slapped his hand away, tears burning in her eyes. "You think I am happy now? You think where I am now is what I want to do for the rest of my life? I tell you something dad, I'm not happy. I'm miserable." She paused and Daniel bit his lip, why was she keeping all this from him, they always told each other everything, when had that stopped? When had he stopped listening and being there for her? Why did she feel so alone when he felt like he was surrouded by those he loved? "I am 33 years old and I am a Major in one of the most top secret ficilities in the world, I save peoples live on a regular occurance, I travel from planet to planet, trying to free people from the plague of flase gods......and what do I have to show for it?Huh?
Nothing but some lousy badges? Who would believe me anyway?"
"Sam, you have a family at the SGC, you don't need anyone else, everyone loves you now." Jacob started but Sam ignored him.
"No. I rarely talk to anyone on the base except for Janet, Hammond, my team and some techinicans. That's all I've got dad and even then I barely see any of them becasue I am in my lab all the time, working away for something I no longer have any idea of. I am tierd Dad. I am sick of waking up in my lab tierd and exhusted after working for 92 hours straight without food and nothing but coffee. I am tierd of Janet telling me I should get out more and have a life when as soon as I do something happens and I'm back in my lab.I'm tierd Dad, and my own team is going to move on and leave me behind, there going to find their wives again and what will be left? Just me and some stupid naqator reacotor! I'm tierd of *me* dad. I no longer want to be
*me* anymore. I want to be as loved as Shar'ee, I want to have a family like Teal'c, I want to have the brief moment of happiness that the Colonel had. Why can't I have what they have? "
"Samantha, your beatiful, you know that." Jacob pleaded with his daughter but she still shrugged him away. Daniel felt a lump rise in his throat and he felt as if he had missunderstood her all the time he had known her.
"No dad. You know the only person who ever says that and means it is the one person who you think is the devil. You may not like his past, you may hate his ways, but he can look me in the eye and make me feel something, for just one brief moment he takes away the emptiness, all the lonliness and self doubts and he expects nothing in return. Yet, he does as he's told, he dosn't get to close, he stays a perfect soilder just to show to you and General Hammond that he's a good guy. Yet, you wont even give him a chance."
Jacob sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, a forming headache growing worse. "Sam, we've been through this already. Yes O'Neill is a good man, I like him, but not for my daughter. I want the best for her."
"No dad. You want to see me misrable. Ever since the day I was born I have done every thing you asked of me. I studied hard, I got A's, I never dated, I never went out on weekend and got drunk and had fun like the rest of the world. I joined the airforce, I worked my way up to the top. You asked me to jump and I asked how high......I'm tierd of living up to your expectations, I'm tierd of doing everything you want.....what about what I want for a change?"
"Honey, I thought you loved the airforce."
"I do, Dad that's not the point. " Sam said, her eyes pleading with him.
"Dad, you have lived your life through me. I was always the Mark alternate, I was the boy you wish you had. I never thought you where anything but God in my eyes and you still are, but Dad...... can I have my turn now? Can I do what makes me happy now? Can I be me? Not a 'Carter', not the 'General daughter', not 'Jacobs daughter'. Am I allowed to be *me* now?"
A silence decended upon the room and Daniel was desperatly wipping away the tears in his eyes.Jacob finally sighed. "But I thought you were happy, you have everything you need."
"No I don't dad. It may sound selfish, but I don't. I want to go home at night to someone who loves me for who I am, not someone who knows I bring the bills, or can be the best soilder or be the best scientist. I want to wake up and hear the sound of a family. I want to kiss the man I want to kiss and know that theres nothing in my way, not rules not regulation, not expectations. I want to be happy, I want a family Dad. That's all. Yeah, I might get bored, I may not have the excitment of running away from seperant gaurds, but I'd have people to love Dad, people who love me. You and Mom had that chance, why can't I?"
Daniel suddenly felt out of place as tears began to fall down Sams eyes and she looked at her dad pleadingly who was struggling to come to terms with his own emotions. "God you can't even cry can you? You can't even show me the littest amount of emotion to your daughter. Your not a General anymore dad, your not on show anymore, why can't you just talk to me as an equel for once?"
There was a painful silence again and Daniel watched the two expectanlty.
Sam gave up and sighed and sat down on the ground. Daniel watched her from his seat and then watched Jacob as he stood still staring at the wall infront of him. Finally Jacob spoke but didn't look at her. "You think O'Neill can make you happy?"
Sam wiped her eyes. "Dad, it dosn't matter who it is, wether its Colonel O'Neill or if its the airmen who guards level 14. What I want is to stop feeling guiltly everytime I don't do a lab analyis. I want to walk into a supermarket and not feel like crying when I see babies holding onto their moms. I want to go out with the guys and not want to feel like I have to be tough or be 'Major Carter' and be careful what I say to the Colonel in case some one hears me or the others feel neglected. I love him dad, and if I have to tell the General and resign myself so we can be together than I will dad, I will. I don't care if he leaves me for another woman or what ever else, at least I can die and say to myself, 'well at least I had that one moment where I was ontop of the world.'" Sam looked up sadly at her father and he slowly looked down to her. "You will live longer than me Dad, you will get more chances at life. I wont. Ever. This is all I have, there is only one thing I want."
Daniel wipped away the tear from his cheek and looked away as Jacob hugged his daughter. "I'm sorry Sam. I'm sorry, your right. I'm sorry. Please. I love you no matter what you do. I'm just looking out for you sweetie."
Jacob gushed as he rocked her back and forth kissing her hair. "I just don't want my baby girl to get hurt."
"I'm not a baby anymore dad. Let me go and try things for myself." Sam replied, still wrapped in his arms.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound and Jacob broke apart to run to the console in the front of the ship. "We're an hour away." Jacob said as he sat himself down. "Lets go get that man you claim will make you happy."
Sam nodded and smiled, sitting down in the passanger seat."Thankyou Dad."
Sam said softly.
Jacob grunted and looked at her. "As long as my grandchildren arn't as stubourn as you I don't care." Jacob said and messed up her hair. Sam smiled shyly and shrugged. Daniel sighed and hugged himself before standing up and clearing away the mess muttering, 'I am a sucker for happy endings' and blew his nose.
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