drunk2
Drunken Thoughts --Jack
by Nikki.H.
TITLE: Drunken Thoughts --Jack
AUTHOR: Nikki.H.
EMAIL: scc@theplanet.net.au
CATEGORY: Sam and Jack
SPOILERS: 100 days, Shades of Grey
SEASON / SEQUEL: Season 3, Sequel to Drunken Thoughts - Daniel
RATING: PG-15
CONTENT WARNINGS: m/f
SUMMARY: Jack's thoughts when SG1 goes out one night.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
When I first sujested that we as a team should go out tonight, this is not what I meant. For starters, I didn't ask Sam to come so I could watch her play tonsil hockey with some guy that had just 'happend' to be at 'our' bar. The nerve. He had just pranced up all swave and sophisticated and basically spewed out the 'where have you been all my life?' to her. Funny thing too. She had know him back in the academy. So right now their going down memory lane.
Well his hands are going down.
"Erm"
I stutter out, before I even realise that I've said it. I can feel Daniel watching me and I know later he's going to give me a lecaure about how much I should tell Sam I love her. It's not that simple, you can't just grab someone and sprout 'I love you' and then act like all your lifes problems are going to disapear. I'll still be Jack and she'll still be my 2IC and we'd still be breaking regulations.
But Damn.
As much as I tell myself to forget I can help but wish it was my hands holding her so tightly, wish I could kiss her and whisper words into her ear to make her giggle. But I can't happen. Ever. But still even though we had a 'no touch' relationship, I still thought we had somthing. Thought we had made an agreement to still wait. I know it's not fair and that In Endora I almost broke our unspoken promise, but I didn't. I always thought of Sam and what she was doing. Sure I gave up on going home and I thought I'd never seen her again, but when ever I kissed our touch Lara, I wished it was Sam, and everytime Lara touched me I felt like I was cheating on Sam. It would've been so easy to give into Lara, she was sweet, caring.....but she wasn't Sam. No one could replace her. And now it looks as if shes had no trouble finding someone.
"Should we leave now, Dr Jackson?"
We should leave, I hate sitting here watching her. It makes me feel like dirt, that I was not worthy of the likes of Major Carter and makes me sick to the stomach that I love her that much that I 'can't' hate her. I still care for her and I can't help but feel the need to look out for her. To make sure she dosn't get hurt.
"I'm not really ready to go yet."
I lie. I'm an awful liar, I am so suprised that the guys didn't figure out that I wasn't really stealing technology and turning bad. As mean as I was the look in Sam's eyes when I told her that I hadn't acted like myself, I thought for a second maybe she knew. Had seen through the sarcasm and I was really reaching out and saying 'This isn't me'. Whether she did or did not understand it, she never spoke of it. Nor has she ever spoken about the time in Endora. Maybe I was wrong all these years, maybe she just puts up with becasue her job requires her to do so. If so......I feel like I've wasted my life.
"Hey guys, why the long faces?"
I look away breifly from Sam to see Janet smiling at us. I smile my hellos but my gaze falls back on Sam. Could she be infected? This can't be her acting all sexy and cheap. This is not my Sam. My Sam is innocent, a beatiful rose, carefree. Not this.... and I wince to see her giggle and throw her head back in delight.
I look up to see Janet watching us intently, a smile licking at her lips and at the Sam time glancing for Sam. Sure I'll show you where Sam is, but your not going to like what you see. And then you'll be like us, torn between staying and leaving.
"Dammit, when I said live a little, that's not what or *who* I meant."
I look at Janet surprised, She looks angry and irritated. So your the one who sujested she go and 'live a little'? Thanks Doc. But I tell myself that Janet had no intention in Sam's actions and was probably trying to cheer her friend up.
Sam starts towards us and I drop my head. I don't want her to see the emtions that I know she'll see in my eyes. Damn her. Why can't she be some ugly, boring, big nosed scientist that I can hate? I rub off the label on the beer bottle as I feel anger well up inside me. Not anger at her, that would be easy if she wasn't Sam, but anger at myself, for being such a fool.
"Janet!"
I jump as her voice errupts through the music of the bar and she greets Janet with a warm smile. It the first time she has come back to us since we got here, and we've been here for 3 hours. But just as I pull my eyes away from the bottle, the 'other guy' comes up and wraps his arms around her waist. Good for you, you Goddam prick, go take her home and have hot raging sex. I don't care. You hear me? I DON'T CARE!!!!
"Janet, this is Timmy-"
Oh so Mr Prick has a name?
"He's an old friend of mine from the academy and is staying in town for a couple of days."
Please, I'm going to be sick. Quit playing happy familys and piss the hell off.
"Hopefully longer, If Sammy will let me."
That's it. I decide as I hear Sam's tingling laughter and she sends him a kilowatt smile. That's *my* smile. I kick back the chair and storm away, I don't care If i'm acting like a spoilt child, I don't have to sit around while she's playing.....I bit my lip, I wont go to the level of calling her names. So instead I'll go home and knock myself out with Alchol. God bless whisky.
I feel the guys following me, and I feel a tiny little bit better. At least I have *some* freinds I muse depresed, but it's not fair to drag them down with me.
"You guys don't have to come."
I knew they wouldn't leave me, and I'm glad. But I still feel like crap and there's only one way to cure it. To forget. Dosn't matter if I feel like hell tomorrow, if only for a while I can forget and live in a world of beer and pure bliss. Who needs a woman to brighten your world? And as we climb in the car I know who need one.
Me.
---------
"Women! Who needs them?"
I decalre 12 beers later. Yeah baby, who? For a brief moment I feel liberated, until I catch sight of the gold picture frame on my mantle. I Snatch it greedily and touch the people in the picture. Teal'c, Daniel Me.....and Sam. Samantha. Smiling up at me with a almost gold aura around her.
"Phone!"
I delcare as I hear it ring. I look to Daniel to pick it up, but his looking at my pot plant with a bemused expression on his face. Idiot. He's totally wasted and he's only had like 3 or 2. I shake my head and look back at the picture frame, all the while egnoring the trill of the phone.
"I shall get the phone."
Thanks teal'c, your a pal. Real pal, your all big and strong and despite the fact that your an alien, you and Danny have been one of the best friends i've ever had, that and Tom but he's dead and charlie and kowlaski and well they both suffered the same fate. Maybe it's me. Maybe that's why Sam has run away, far, far away from me. Up and Up and Up....
I'm gone.
"It is Major Carter."
Oh so she's come running back now? Realised that she can't live without me? well I don't care, casue I'm over you. Yeah, I don't need you and your pretty face or your smart brain or you god damn sexy ass, I got me and this beer, that's all I'll ever need.
"Tell her to screw herself."
I tell Teal'c, he looks at me blanktly and almost gives me a disaproving glare, but I wave him off. I know Sam's heard, and I don't care. Good ridance, to sexy rubbish.
"She is gone."
No come back, I didn't mean it. I moan and hug the photo frame to my cheast. I'm sorry I'm just.....drunk and upset. SHe'll forgive me wont she. I'll go to her tomorrow and say I was drunk and that I didn't mean it and that I hope her and Mr Prick live happily ever after.....yeah and then I'll become best friends with Maybourne.
"I love Sam."
I say before I realised my lips are moving. Wow I've said it, but by the looks of the rest of the team it's nothing new and they just nod. Danny is falling a little to the side and I think he's gonna pass out.
Good Idea.
"I think It is best if you all retired for this evening."
Yeah, I will. And I close my eyes and fall to the side, hitting the carpet with a clunk and allowing the bottles to roll away. I'll clean in the morning I think sleepily and fall asleep. But as I fall deeper into a dark hole I feel something in my stomach pull at me, telling me something isn't right. BUt it's just the whisky right? Nothing's happening....nothing but Sam and Mr Prick having it off.
Screw them.
If Only I had of known.
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Nikki H.
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