The Healing
The Healing
by Mystery
TITLE: The Healing
AUTHOR: Mystery
EMAIL: mezzy34@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Drama
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SPOILERS: none
SEASON / SEQUEL: future; sequel to The Pain Inside
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: none
SUMMARY: Sam helps Jack begin the healing process – Sequel to "The Pain Inside".
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I'd love comments of course, anything you'd like to tell me about it. Constructive criticism is appreciated, but no flames thankyou.
Sam sat up in her bed and looked to the man beside her. Nearly every night this week she'd watched him sleep. If you could call it sleep. She'd not only watched him sleep during those nights, but she'd watched him suffer. Watched his dreams as they were haunted by memories.
After Skaara had talked to him, he'd begun to believe that the memories inside him were false. Left behind by Romash in a desperate, last ditch effort to make his life hell even after he, the demon himself, was dead. But Romash's death hadn't been the end for Jack. It had almost been the beginning. His six months of suffering had nowhere near ended when Romash had died within him, leaving a permanent memory of his evil thoughts. Leaving a permanent fake memory of blame, forcing Jack to believe he had killed thousands of innocent people when in fact Romash had only left the memory to remind Jack of him with every minute of his life that passed by. Not a moment went by without something in it reminding Jack of those six months. Incredible as it seemed, the pain inside Jack never stopped. He only learned to live with it – it never left.
Sam pulled the blankets up towards her. The cold winter morning had been just as every other during the week. Specks of light filtered through the gaps in the curtains and sent spots of light shining onto various places about the room. Sam smiled. A particularly wide gap in the drapes left a heavenly glow over Jack's sleeping face. With the sides of her fingers, she stroked his cheek. Six months. How much could six months change a man? She had the answer sleeping beside her. He'd been effected so deeply by those months that it was hard to believe he was still with her now. He'd come close to not being with anyone. Hurting him so deep within, if Skaara had not been the one to talk the truth into his mind, he'd surely still been the same way as he was then, now. Sam couldn't contemplate the scenario in her mind, and didn't want to. If he'd still been locked away in his quarters, she'd have surely gone insane with him. But he wasn't, he was with her, and that was all that mattered to her now. Him. She had nothing else to focus her energy on, and nothing else she wanted to focus her energy on. It was him that mattered to her – nothing else.
Sam hugged her arms around herself as a shiver fed through her like an ice cube had just slid through her stomach. This morning was particularly cold. She could see dew building up on the window frame outside and even inside her breath was full of condensation. It chilled her right to the bone and with the thought; she laid down fully under the blankets again, on her left side, facing Jack. His face was calm, passive. But as Sam had the thought in her mind his statement dramatically changed and with a flinch, she saw him frown. He muttered something barely audible and Sam felt her brow crease as she watched him in sympathy. He became slightly restless and Sam placed a calm hand to his face. It seemed to bring relief, because he stopped moving and his statement lifted and he was passive once again. Moving close to his side, she draped her arm over him and snuggled her head in close to his neck.
Jack woke some hours later and the first thing his eyes saw, was the blurred ceiling. Blinking his vision into focus, he looked beside him and saw Sam. Her head resting lightly on his chest and her arm draped lazily over his abdomen. A smile reached his lips as he saw one on hers. Brushing her hair away from her face, he was about to move her when her hand caught his and she looked up at him with open eyes.
"Hey," he said. "I didn't – "
"I know," she interjected and sat up with him, "I didn't realise you were awake either until I felt your hand."
"Ah."
"How long have you been awake for?"
"Not long, you?"
"A while."
"How come?"
"Couldn't sleep I suppose. It's so cold this morning, isn't it?" Sam asked, sliding closer as Jack wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
"Yeah," he agreed. "How come you couldn't sleep?"
"Don't know." She looked at him and saw in his eyes that he knew there was something more to it than that. She looked down and then back up and opened her mouth to reply, only to close it again. She shook her head. "It doesn't matter," she lied. She wanted to tell him that it was because she was worried for him, but she knew it would only make him upset. He hated to know she worried so much about him. Her help, he loved. Anyone helping was fine – for now. But knowing that she had woken up in worry for him, even while they slept, would only make him upset.
"It matters to me," he told her with a mild firmness, and Sam knew he wanted her to tell him, no matter what it was.
"I just woke up," she replied and he looked at her as though there was more, but she was in fact being completely truthful – this time, "that's all." Although he didn't pursue it, Jack wondered if she had in fact just woken up.
After the day Jack had spoken to Sam and she had kissed him for the first time, they had stayed close. Her love for him was only matched by her admiration. He still had neglected to inform her how much he loved her by using words. Of course she knew undoubtedly that he loved her just as much as she loved him, but he hadn't told her that. She'd told him on more than one occasion that she loved him more than life, but he hadn't returned it yet. She didn't resent him for that, or wish with each day that went by that he would say the words. For her, actions spoke far louder than any words could. And from Jack, actions said more than words, even if he had said them. He said so much without saying a word. His eyes penetrated his message more than anything else. Sam could see inside of him when he looked at her, and the one thing she did wish was that she would never have to stop seeing inside of him through his eyes. She wished that there would never be a day she couldn't see his eyes. If ever a day like that came, Sam would know something wrong was afoot, but a day like that hadn't come yet and she was content in that knowledge.
Without words, after that day, they had moved in together. They had no need for words where things such as that were concerned – they just knew. Sam had moved into Jack's house and since then, they hadn't been back to the SGC. It had been a month. A month away from the SGC, and a month away from Daniel and Teal'c – both of whom had missed their friends. On a few occasions, Sam alone had gone to the SGC to visit Daniel and Teal'c or to get things from her lab, but she had only told them that Jack was still not well but that she was taking good care of him and he would be fine. She had thought Daniel or Teal'c would surely tell General Hammond about them living together or that they were a couple, but as yet, not a word had been spoken to the General and he remained oblivious to the SG1 members' relationship.
For a short while, Jack hadn't spoken a lot. He'd been very secluded, but with Sam's help he had left that dark corner and was now far more open to conversation than before. However, although he was speaking more freely with her and they were almost having fun together at times, he still hadn't spoken to her openly about anything he was feeling or anything that had happened in those six months he had spent with Romash inside of him. That was Sam's main concern. He hadn't spoken to anyone about anything yet, and that was what he really needed to do so as to begin the healing process. Sam knew that it was to be a long road ahead of him, but he could not begin traveling that road until he at least began to mention things that happened and as yet, he hadn't. He needed to start the road on his own though, and Sam was worried that he was trying to avoid it. In fact she knew he was avoiding it, hoping to conceal his feelings within himself as he did with most things like this. But she also knew that he couldn't conceal this forever. If he was to move on with his life, he needed to open up about this before it became a bomb inside him just waiting to go off – which she knew it would do if he didn't at least begin to talk about it. Also with knowing all of that, Sam knew she couldn't push him to talk about something he didn't want to, otherwise it would only make the entire thing worse rather than better. It was catch 22, but Sam had to do something before it was too late.
On a day that was quiet, Sam summed up her nerve. She had to approach Jack about this matter, or she knew that he would continue ignore it, hoping it would go away. She knew better than that. She knew it would never go away unless he talked, and he hadn't talked, so she was going to help him.
Jack was sitting on the decking outside reading a newspaper. Sam saw him as she approached the door and opened it quietly, but loud enough to make him know she was there.
"Jack," she said, pulling up a chair beside him and sitting down, "I wanted to talk to you about something."
"Yeah?" he asked casually, pretending to read his paper although his eyes weren't moving.
"You know..." she stopped, how was she to say this without sounding like a psychiatrist? "You know that you need to talk about it, don't you? You can't keep it all inside forever. It's not good for you. I'm not trying to sound like a doctor, but I am just concerned for you."
"It's not working."
"What isn't?"
"Trying not to sound like a doctor. Sound like one to me." Closing his paper and leaving it on the table, he got up and went inside, leaving Sam sitting on the decking alone.
"Well that went well, didn't it Sam?" she asked herself in a mutter and rolled her eyes. "Great way to approach the situation."
After that day, Sam left the idea alone for a while. It was clear to her that she needed to leave him alone to bring up the subject and if he didn't want to talk about it, he wouldn't – she just had to accept it. But how could she accept that? How could she just leave him to brood about it and then leave it inside himself like a volcano waiting to erupt? How could she do that to him when she cared about him so much? She hated to see him hurting, but she just couldn't push him into it if he wasn't willing or ready to talk about it yet. She just couldn't.
Jack wished his mind would leave him alone to get on with his life, but it wouldn't. All he saw, each night as he slept, were horrible images of people suffering as Romash killed them with his cold-blooded rage and desire for pain and suffering. Pain and suffering he definitely created, but not only for those he killed – also for the one whose body he had made do the killing. Jack had suffered, but his suffering didn't end, because he hadn't died like the rest. He wished, even now sometimes, that Dr. Fraiser had let him die. Or Gairwyn hadn't contacted the SGC in time. He wished sometimes, that Sam didn't love him as much as she did, and that he didn't love her as much as he did. That he didn't need her. That she didn't need him. He didn't want her and that she didn't want him. Without her, he wouldn't have stayed. He would have ended it all long ago. It wasn't as though he didn't have access to enough chemicals at the SGC. He could have easily found something...and if not there, he had a car. He knew how to drive. He knew where to find alcohol and he knew how much not to drink. There were many ways he could have ended it, but all those times he had wanted to, Sam had found his heart and tugged a string on it. Reminding him that she was there, and that she cared. She'd been the only thing standing in his way, but sometimes he wished she hadn't been.
Another night, and another dream haunted Jack. He woke in a cold sweat, his heart pounding, his fingers trembling. God, why couldn't it all leave him alone?! It had been an image he hadn't seen since it actually happened, and at that moment he understood why.
A Sondian woman and two children were standing in the doorway to their home, the children cowering away behind her for protection. She was a young woman, no older than thirty. Her children were small; one was probably lucky to be three or four years of age. There was a boy and a girl. They spoke to her in quivering voices, asking her what was happening, and why there were people screaming and running away. She had told them to go back into the house, to hide behind something – to stay out of sight – but they wouldn't listen. They wanted to stay with her and had by clinging onto her long dress. Sitting just above her ankles, through the gap, two children's ankles could be seen behind her. Her face had been defiant, but behind it fear was shining brighter than the sun. His lips had curled to a smile as he saw the defiant woman standing tall in the doorway of her home as though protecting it. Cocking his head as though examining her, he had raised his hand slowly and the power of the hand device had begun sucking the life from her. She had crumpled to her knees and her children had fled into the house, hiding behind their small beds. As her last drops of energy had left her and she'd slumped to her side, dead, her children had screamed in panic and tried to run for it, but the Goa'uld had had no feeling for the children. Their little bodies had been flung back against the stone walls of their home – instantly breaking their necks – and they'd died. It was the resounding cracking of their bones that had woken Jack, and now he relived the dream even while awake.
Quickly leaving the bedroom he went to the bathroom and ran cold water over his hands, splashing it to his face. It dripped from his chin as he looked up into the mirror before him, examining his face. His eyes were sunken and he looked withdrawn. Taking a deep breath, he wet his face again and tried to recapture a bit of peace in his mind for all it showed him at that moment was those two children being killed so violently and it disturbed him so much he could barely stand. As he looked into the mirror again he not only saw his own reflection, but behind him, that of Sam's as well and it made him turn quickly. She saw the statement his face held and the way he trembled. Without words she embraced him and they both went back to bed in silence. Sam didn't know what had happened, but she'd felt him wake up so suddenly and seeing him tremble the way he was worried her. She knew it wasn't simply from the cold. She knew it was something he had seen in his sleep, but that was what she didn't know. It was that she would endeavor to find out on the next day. Her reply was nothing like she expected, if she had expected anything at all.
At breakfast they were quiet. Sam had made them both coffee but they'd both gone without food of any kind – their minds' both elsewhere. Sam's was on Jack, worrying about him. His however, was not on himself. Sam needed to understand what his mind was going over and she had to ask him to find out.
"Are you ok?" she asked quietly as she sat down in an armchair and wrapped a thick blanket around herself – the days were still cold. She looked to him for a reply, but he only nodded and continued to examine the front page of the newspaper. Something to do with the weather, and even although the words were printed large on the page, something made them difficult to understand for him. His mind didn't seem to understand what he was trying to do. Why was he trying to read when he had far more important things to think about, least of all of them being the weather? Words didn't seem to make sense, they were just written on the page. Giving him a throbbing headache, he left the paper to sit by him as he gazed out of the kitchen window. Even trying to create thoughts seemed difficult for him – his mind only wanted to focus on one thing, and that was the very thing he didn't want to think about. But Sam wanted him to. She wanted him to talk about it to her, and she wasn't about to give up. "What happened last night?" she asked. Jack flinched but didn't respond. His eyes looked out of the kitchen window aimlessly, trying desperately to rid his mind of the things it wanted him to think about. Even without a Goa'uld in his head, it still seemed to want him to do things he didn't want to. "Jack?"
"Nothing," he said it almost sharply, as though she was to drop the subject. But she wasn't going to.
"It didn't look like nothing. I heard you g – "
"It was nothing ok? I just...felt sick. It was nothing."
"I don't believe that. I think it was something else. Jack you've got to talk to me about it. I...I know you don't want to, but it really will help. All I want to do is help you."
"You'd help me by not bringing it up anymore."
"You know I can't do that."
"Then maybe you should try, hmm? Sounds like a good idea to me."
"Don't be like that. Don't make me sound like the bad guy here. I'm trying to help. I know you don't want me to, but I'm trying."
In silence they sat for what seemed like hours on end. Sam watched Jack sitting at the kitchen table, and he listened to the tap dripping softly and the constant ticking of the clock on the wall of the lounge room. Then he turned to Sam. Without a word of anything more, he told her all about how he'd seen those children die and how he'd seen it in his sleep the night before. He told her how he watched their petrified faces as he'd killed their mother and how their screams echoed through his head. Sam sat silently and listened. She'd had no idea of the things he'd seen. She'd expected them to be horrifying of course – how could they be anything less? But his description was so vivid, and inside, Sam was feeling pain. Not pain for herself. Not pain for those who'd died although she did feel incredible sorrow for them. But she felt pain for Jack. It was natural she would, but she'd had no idea that he'd seen himself actually doing these things. She'd forgotten that. But when he told her of how the two children had died with their necks being snapped, she let out a sickened gasp and then quickly covered her mouth with her hands. It had shocked her to hear of it, yes, but she hadn't intended to make telling her even harder for Jack which she had effectively just done by gasping. Without words he got up and left. Sam heard his Jeeps' engine start and him drive away down the street. Sitting in her armchair for at least five or ten minutes, Sam cursed herself. Telling her about all of that had been hard enough for him without her making him feel worse by releasing an statement of shock. She could not have felt worse for doing it, but she needed to go and find him. Grabbing her coat and keys and putting on her shoes, she left to find him. She had a feeling of where he might be.
Pulling up at the clearing's small car park, Sam saw him. He'd told her about this place a lot. She hadn't been there before, but from what he'd told her, it was the most beautiful place and now she was here, she saw that he was right. Although it was cold and the wind sent chills through to her bones, Sam's eyes scanner her surroundings. A small river ran far below this high point lookout. The grass, although showered with snow, would be an emerald green in the spring. The grand old Oak standing not ten meters away from her would be in glorious spirits, its' leaves and branches bright and bursting with life for the birds that visited it each year. Jack stood thirty meters or more away from the Oak, on a small patch of gravel. Sam saw a small collections of stones and pebbles in his left hand as he took another from it and sent it off on a long journey below, passed the river. For a long while, the wind blowing loudly and strongly around her, she just stood and watched him throwing his stones and then she approached him. She stood by him for a while, knowing he knew she was there. As he prepared to throw another stone, her hand caught his gently and his face turned to meet hers. His eyes were red and sad; Sam shook her hair away from her eyes and tried to smile at him.
"I'm sorry," she said earnestly and she knew she didn't have to explain. He knew what she was talking about. He tossed all the remaining stones off the edge and watched them fall. He turned back to her and Sam put a hand to his face. His skin was cold from the crisp wind, but she knew her hands were no warmer. "I'm sorry," she said again and he nodded.
"I know," he replied but didn't need to say anymore.
"I didn't mean it," Sam said. "You know I didn't, don't you?" He nodded again and Sam could see he meant it. "You have to talk about it all Jack. You need to. You know that, right?" He looked away, but nodded. He had to talk about it all. He knew that. It would never go away unless he at least talked about it a little bit. And if he was to talk to anyone at all about anything, he knew Sam would be the one he'd trust the most. To talk to anyone about this would be difficult and he already knew that – it was hard to even think about it himself – but if he had to talk to anyone about it, Sam was the one. She'd understand and she'd support him in any way possible and he knew she would. She'd always been there for him, ever since it happened. She'd been the one who'd stayed with him and talked to him, even when he didn't talk to her. She'd always told him she loved him, even when he still hadn't told her. He asked himself why he hadn't told her that. She knew it was true and so did he. He'd always known it, and he knew fairly certainly that she had too. For both herself and him as well. But she'd never pressured him to tell her that he loved her in words. He'd always wanted to, and even now wanted to, but somehow he couldn't. No, it wasn't that he couldn't, it was that he hadn't. He could very easily tell her he loved her and mean it with every inch of his body, but he hadn't. If he did tell her, he would mean it with all his heart, but why hadn't he? As he stood there with her, he thought silently to himself about it and found that there was no reason to why he hadn't told Sam he loved her. "Let's go home," she said as the wind picked up strength and dropped a few degrees, "it's cold."
Sam had no pressure to put on Jack for anything. She loved him for who he was and he didn't need to change anything. She didn't want him to change anything. She loved him just the way he was, and if he did anything to change that she would need a reason why. But as they both drove home, she seemed to feel something coming from him that was stronger and different from anything she'd ever experienced before. He was in a completely different vehicle to her, but somehow she felt something – a vibe – coming from him. The trip was silent for Sam – the only noise being the dim rumble of the car engine and the quiet hum of the radio. When they were both inside and they sat down together on the three-seater sofa, Sam could still feel an immense feeling coming from Jack, but she had no idea why she could feel it or why it was so strong. They hadn't spoken, but something was screaming, and Sam seemed to be the only one of them to feel it.
"Sam," her name shook her back to reality and she looked at Jack.
"Mmm?" she muttered, surveying him, thinking that he was going to talk to her more about everything that was happening with him.
"I haven't said...well, three words." Sam was genuinely puzzled – what did he mean?
"I don't understand," she admitted.
"You've told me things, you've been honest with me," Jack explained cryptically.
"Yes..." Sam said slowly, still confused.
"I haven't."
"Haven't what?"
"Told you the same thing. Been honest with you."
"You haven't?"
"No. Sam, I love you, but I haven't ever told you. I was thinking about it before and I realised I had no reason for not telling you. I don't think I was scared to, but I didn't and I should've. I'm sorry." A smile formed on Sam's face and she shook her head.
"You don't have to be sorry. I always knew, but I admit its nice to hear you say it." Jack smiled, and Sam felt a surge of happiness fill her. She hadn't seen him smile for so long.
"You want me to say it again?" Now that was more like something the Jack they were all used to would say. That was more like his old self and Sam nodded.
"Yeah."
"I love you Sam," he said it with meaning and she hugged him close to her. She knew he loved her, but hearing him say it made a difference that she hadn't thought it would or even could.
"Oh I love you too Jack," she said happily and kissed him in a passion she never thought she had. At first, even he seemed surprised at it, but they both adjusted with due efficiency and slowly lay back on the sofa together, no one else in the world in their minds, eyes or hearts, but each other.
That was until the doorbell rang.
"Go away!" Sam exclaimed as she took a breath but from then on they paid no attention to the prospect that perhaps something important was with whomever had rung the doorbell. Who cared if it was something important anyway? This was important...kissing was important. Being passionate was important. Who cared if someone...it rang again. But Sam and Jack ignored it. Besides, who in the hell would be coming to visit them at this time of the day? It was, after all...when Sam saw the time briefly on Jack's wrist watch she was shocked. 15:40?! It couldn't be! Could it? Oh well! Who cared if it was anyway? Sam pushed the thought from her mind and focused on the task at hand. Oh but this was far more than a task...this wasn't a task at all. It was pleasure. Glorious pleasure. Jack had a way, and whatever it was, Sam loved it. It was like a good book you couldn't put down...well she couldn't put Jack down. She found herself entangled in him, drawn to him. Something he did...well whatever it was it was incredible and she didn't want it to stop anywhere in the near future. She wrapped an arm around him and the other found his face. She moaned in pleasure and her legs entangled themselves with his.
She was just in the process of removing his t-shirt when the front door opened and their eyes flung themselves toward it. Daniel had stumbled in after clearly banging himself into the door, thinking it was locked, which it in fact wasn't. His eyes landed on the entanglement on the sofa and he gawked at them. They almost heard his jaw hit the floor as he stood there, wide-eyed, staring at them. Neither he, nor Jack and Sam, seemed to be able to find words for the situation. Neither of the three parties moved an inch for at least a whole minute as they just laid or stood there, staring.
"Uhh..." Daniel stammered, "I guess I picked a bad time."
"No," Jack said, straightening his shirt.
"No it's fine," Sam added, re-doing her buttons as they both got up. Daniel remained where he was, the door still open blowing in a gale of icy cold wind. Jack went and closed the door and Daniel watched him strangely, as though he had two heads or purple skin with green spots. Jack noticed his friend looking at him oddly and patted his shoulder.
"It's ok Danny," he said with a friendly smile, "I'm not gonna turn on you or anything." With this remark, Jackson was shaken out of his trance and he looked at his friend to find that he was in fact joking. He'd made a joke like that, on his own? A joke about himself and the fact that while under the control of a Goa'uld he could easily turn on any of them with no regard for the fact that they were his friends. He'd actually made a joke like that? But he was so deeply scarred by the event...Jackson hadn't even heard him talking about it to anyone, let alone making a joke about it. Sam really had been taking care of him, just as she said. Now Daniel believed it. And of course what he'd seen when entering the house had proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were both taking very good care of one another. Daniel smiled at this thought. At least they were happy.
"So!" Sam said cheerfully as she brought out a mug of coffee. "What brings you here Daniel?" Jackson took the mug Sam handed him and watched her go back to the kitchen for another two – her own and Jack's. Handing his to him, Sam sat beside Jack and smiled at him.
"Well," Daniel began, taking a breath and a quick sip of his coffee, "I actually came for two reasons." Both Sam and Jack raised their eyebrows.
"Oh?" Jack asked and Daniel nodded, not seemingly bothered by the sarcasm of his friends.
"One is because Janet wants to check you over again Jack. She reckons because you've been gone for so long, you're due for a good check up or something like that. And the other reason is because..." Jackson stopped. They could hear the clogs ticking over in his head as he considered his words. "Actually there were three reasons," he corrected, brow furrowed in concentration. Sam couldn't help trying to stifle a laugh very unsuccessfully and Jack just smiled. "The next one was because I just wanted to come out and say hi, see how you were going. The other one was, because General Hammond wanted to know when you'd both be returning to active duty? You have no idea how bored Teal'c and I are. We're going on missions with SG3!" Daniel said it like it was a punishment – like SG3 were horrible demons that may eat them at any moment whilst on a mission. Jack, however, sympathized with his friend. He'd always disliked the marines ever since Makepeace. He'd never like Makepeace. Snide bastard. He'd always been a prick in Jack's opinion. "So?" Daniel prompted.
Sam was sitting watching Jack; his face had suddenly changed at the mention of returning to active duty. She'd noticed he hadn't mentioned anything about going back to the SGC in the entire time they'd been away from the place. It had been on her mind for some time, but she hadn't pursued the issue, it had really been the least thing on her mind at the time.
"Jack?" she said softly, placing a hand to his. He flinched and looked at her, he'd been somewhere else.
"Hmm? Sorry," he apologised, looking back at his mug of coffee. "Somewhere else."
"Well, what do you think?" Daniel pursued. Sam wished he wouldn't push Jack for an answer the way he was, but she wasn't about to tell him while Jack was sitting right next to her. She shot him a look of disapproval but he didn't seem to notice.
"We don't have to decide right now, do we?" Sam asked, noticed that Jack's mind seemed to be elsewhere again. "I mean General Hammond doesn't need an answer right away?" Jackson shook his head as Sam gave him an statement of indication. Jack wasn't ready for that yet, she needed more time to talk to him – or that was what she tried to tell Daniel through the power of suggestion and a very clear statement, or so she would have thought. But Daniel, however, seemed to be completely missing the direction of her eyes and seemed to think she was giving daggers to the wall behind him.
"No," he said slowly, still trying to understand Sam's wide eyes and tight lips, "I don't think so."
"Ok then," she sighed in trying to calm herself. She was just about ready to get up and strangle Daniel whilst screaming in his ear about how obvious she needed to make it for him, but she decided against it. "Maybe we will come in, in a few days so that Janet can give Jack the once over and we can talk to General Hammond then about when we will be coming back, ok?" She kept raising her brows suggestively at him, but it seemed to be completely missing him and she rolled her eyes at his vague statement. How clear did she have to be?!
"Alright," Daniel agreed, deciding he was giving up on trying to understand Sam and her waggling eyebrows and dagger eyes. "I'll just go and see you when you come into the SGC in a few days then, ok?" Sam just nodded her reply and Jackson left, still trying to understand what Sam had been going on about.
The mention of going back to the SGC had seemingly destroyed Jack's high spirits, and he now seemed to be as down as he was before Daniel's arrival that night. Sam was angry at him for it but she knew it wasn't his fault, she just needed to blame someone and because Daniel had delivered the message, he unfortunately got the blame. When they went to bed on the same day as Daniel's visit, it seemed to be a night like any other; only Sam hoped Jack's sleep would be peaceful and undisturbed. Unfortunate for him, Sam's hopes weren't granted.
Sam way laying awake, her mind full of thoughts – too much for her to go to sleep with. She'd slept some hours and then woken up as her mind started to reel at the prospect of going back to the SGC. Her heart had pounded with the memory of what fun she and Jack had had only hours before. Granted, many hours, but only hours. She found herself wanting it all to happen again, but without interruptions, when Jack sat bolt upright. Sam couldn't help herself, she put her hand on his and he looked down at her, startled.
"Are you ok?" she asked, seeing the panic in his eyes. He got up and Sam couldn't help but follow him. "What was it?" she queried as he ran cold water over his hands and face.
"The same thing," he replied, dropping a cup full of water over his head and feeling it trickle down the back of his neck and run over his face as he covered his face with his hands. Sam gripped his shoulder and turned him to her.
"It's alright," she said softly and pulled him to her, holding him close. "We'll get through this Jack, it'll all go away." Looking over her shoulder, all he could do was nod. His eyes glazed over as he tried not to think about those two children dying, seeing it happen over and over. Feeling the evil sensation curse through him as the Goa'uld laughed with pleasure, enjoyment. He shuddered and Sam felt tears streaking down her cheeks. "Shh..." she kissed his neck gently and they both walked slowly back to their bedroom. Sam watched him carefully that night – she didn't want to let him go. Let him be alone. In his sleep he was alone, alone with his terrible memories. She didn't want him to suffer through them anymore, so she felt if he were to stay awake with her, he wouldn't have to suffer. But even when he was awake, the suffering didn't end. He was always reminded...Sam snuggled close to him and hugged her arms around him, keeping him close to her as though it might help – she might be able to throw away the nightmares before they got to him. She rested her head on him and slowly she found sleep taking her away. She didn't want to sleep, she wanted to stay with Jack, but she had no choice. Before she even realised, she was asleep and even in her dreams she worried for him, but she dreamed of the day and how much fun they'd had. In that, she found some solace from all the nightmares. She did. Jack didn't, but Sam did.
After falling asleep unwillingly, Jack woke up again not long after with the same nightmare and after it decided that he wouldn't go to sleep again. He had to stay awake to stop the images finding him. He saw Sam sleeping on him and softly moved her so he could get up without disturbing her sleep. She could sleep peacefully, and so he wasn't about to rip her of that. He went out to the lounge room and turned on the TV, turning the volume down low so he could only just hear it.
Sam had felt him get up and then heard the TV and woke up a few minutes after he'd turned it on. She laid silently in bed listening to the quite din of the television. She was tempted to get up and sit with him, but he had left her there to sleep quietly and he obviously couldn't sleep peacefully so if he had decided to get up to get away from the nightmares, Sam wasn't about to disturb him. Closing her eyes, sleep found her again surprisingly fast.
When Sam got up in the morning, walking out into the lounge room with a thick blanket hanging around her shoulders, clasped together at the front by her hands, she saw Jack – laying on the long sofa asleep only wearing his t-shirt and boxers. Sam took the remote from his hand and turned the TV off. Taking the blanket from around herself, she swathed it over him – he looked terribly cold. She got a robe for herself to wear and then made a quiet a cup of coffee for herself and one for Jack; she knew he would wake up soon.
She sat and drank slowly at her coffee silently and then saw movement as Jack woke up. She went to him holding the other cup of coffee she'd made and knelt by the sofa.
"Morning," she said softly and handed him the cup. He took it and sat up with a shiver.
"Thanks, morning," he replied tiredly. Sam knew he wouldn't have slept a lot, but the sleep he did get she was glad for. The last thing he needed was to become an insomniac. Sam held the blankets up and then sat herself next to him, underneath them.
"Jack I've been thinking," she said, watching him take a gulp of his coffee. "And I think I should go back to the SGC. That doesn't mean you have to as well, but I think I should. It's not that I don't want to be here with you, because you know I do, but I just think it's better if I go back. What do you think?"
"Yeah," he said simply, "I know you miss the place." Sam smiled. He hadn't said it sarcastically or indignantly – he'd meant it. He knew she longed to be back in her labs studying things or out on other planets finding exquisite soil samples and the like. The smile imprinted on her face like a tattoo, Sam hugged him gleefully. Kissing his cheek, she got up to go and get ready – she would leave today.
At the SGC for the first time in weeks, Sam quickly went to find Daniel to tell him she was back and that SG1 could go on another mission.
"Daniel!" she exclaimed as she saw him and raced up to meet him.
"Sam," he stated, "what are you doing here?"
"It's nice to see you too Daniel," Sam joked, "I'm back. Get Teal'c, we need to have a briefing with General Hammond, now." With a puzzled glance, Daniel nodded and went off to find Teal'c and then meet Sam in the briefing room. Once they both got there, Sam and General Hammond were already waiting and talking.
Sam had thought it all up on her way to Cheyenne Mountain. It all made sense.
"So what you are proposing Major," Hammond said, "is that SG1 go back to Sondi with Talim and talk to the Sondians about what happened while Colonel O'Neill was there?" Sam nodded happily. She was certain this would help in some way. Hammond nodded along with her. "Yes. Ok. By the way, how is he Major?"
"He's getting there sir," Sam replied, frowning at the thought of his state of mind. "Nightmares have been a big problem." As Sam said the words, she didn't think of what she was saying. She had just told General Hammond she knew he had trouble with nightmares, when he didn't know they were even living in the same house, let alone the fact that they slept in the same bed! As the thought dawned on Sam she took a silent breath and noticed that Daniel seemed to be looking at her strangely.
"Oh I see," Hammond said as though he knew the reason Sam knew that, but pretending to be surprised she knew. This bothered Sam because she didn't really take in the knowing tone he'd used.
"Well I've visited him a lot General, and he told me about it," Sam covered hastily but the General wasn't a stupid man. He'd have to have been blind not to notice the chemistry between Sam and Jack. He knew darn well something would eventuate from their feelings for each other whether it be off base or on, but he also knew that Sam hadn't figured that part out yet. She was completely unaware of his knowledge of the situation and still thought that she had to cover up the facts that might lead him to that conclusion he'd already reached. Hammond smiled at this. One day, they'd tell him all about it and he'd already know it all. When that day came, he'd tell them he'd known all along, but for now, they could pretend it wasn't happening.
"You have a go SG1," he ignored Sam's last comment and proceeded, "Major Carter you will be in command in the absence of Colonel O'Neill. Your mission will be at 11:00 hours. Dismissed."
At 11:00 hours, Sam, Daniel and Teal'c trooped into the gate room, where Talim was waiting for them before the activated Stargate.
"Greetings," he said, bowing his head. "It is a pleasure to meet with you all once again. The co-ordinates to the planet Sondi have already been entered, we can depart immediately." They all nodded and left up the ramp leaving behind General Hammond with hopes they would return with something to help his fallen second in command. George Hammond had always thought of Jack O'Neill as a son, and in his absence, he found himself missing him. Some might ask what was there to miss? Sarcasm? Constant quips? Some might say Jack was a pain in the ass, but although Hammond knew he was at times, he was also a skilled soldier and a smart man. He might not know everything about Physics like Sam did, but he was a smart man. Hammond knew it was true, and he missed his 2IC being around all the time.
On the opposite side of the Event Horizon, the three SG1 members and Talim scanned their surroundings. Sam, Daniel and Teal'c hadn't seen this planet before, but Talim knew it well. He'd spent many months within the confines of the village but a few miles from the gate. As they approached the village of simply dressed people, two men advanced on them, smiling broadly at Talim.
"Talim!" one of them exclaimed with open arms. "Welcome!" the same man said happily to them all. He was a short man; not exactly thin either, with dark brown hair and the greenest eyes Sam had ever seen. The other man, tall and thin with ruby red hair and an interesting shade of hazel coloured eyes, smiled to Sam. His manner far more calm compared with the larger man.
"Welcome," he said politely, "Talim, we welcome you. Why is it you have come?"
"Don't be so down Gyrin! We are elated to see you once again friend, who are these friends you bring along with you?" The large man was so jovial; anyone could have been made happy just by seeing him. Gyrin seemed unnaturally proper, but otherwise nice.
"Okem, please be still. These people must have come for a reason, we must first know what it is before inviting them to stay indefinitely." Gyrin didn't seem keen to be as nice to SG1 as Okem, but Okem brushed off his companions' comments like dust on his shoulder and continued with his welcoming smile.
"Take but no notice of Gyrin, he is always like this toward newcomers. Please, come with us and we shall talk. Who are you and where are you from friends?" Okem asked SG1 as they all walked slowly toward the village.
"Okem, these are the friends I spoke of. From the planet Earth. They come to speak with you about the attack from Romash," Talim explained and Okem nodded.
"Yes of course, now I recall your mention of them. Please, tell us your names friends so we use them."
"I'm Daniel Jackson, and this is Major Samantha Carter and Teal'c," Daniel explained for all of them with a smile to the friendly man. Teal'c bowed his head.
"I am pleased to meet you," he said in the usual Teal'c manner.
"So am I," Sam said, "you can call me Sam."
"Samantha. It is you that wishes to speak with us, is it not?" Gyrin asked, seeming to already know the answer.
"Yes," Sam replied as they entered a large home with tables and chairs in various locations. "I was hoping to ask about the day that Ja...Romash came here."
"You shall not speak with me then, for I was not present at that time. But if you wish to speak with Okem, he was here at the time," Gyrin explained.
"You are wishing to speak with villagers are you not? They were the ones who were here at the time of the attack. I was with Talim, hiding in the forest. I can tell you very little," Okem was less enthusiastic now, his mood lower. He was obviously a very happy man, but with the situation being spoken about so unhappy, he clearly knew this was not a time to be smiling and joking.
"We really..." Sam stopped. She wanted to ask about the woman who had died with her two children, but wasn't sure how to bring it up. Daniel and Teal'c didn't know about the nightmare that seemed to be haunting Jack so much, only she did. "I was wondering about a woman," she changed the approach of the question.
"Yes?"
"A woman that died with her two children in her home?" Okem and Gyrin looked to one another, clearly they had a record of all those that had been killed and were going through it in their minds.
"I have no recollection of a woman and two children in the one home being killed," Gyrin admitted.
"I too, do not remember such a statement, however, I do recall seeing the mention of a woman who was killed in her home but her two children were spared. Could this perhaps prove useful?" Sam wasn't sure; if the two children hadn't been killed then it couldn't possibly be the same person. Jack had described the nightmare so vividly, in such detail. If those two children hadn't been killed, then...
"Yes, it might," she agreed. Maybe if she spoke to the children about it, they could tell her how their mother had been killed and then she would know if it was the same two children or not. Jack had described the children well, maybe she would know just by seeing them.
Okem took Sam out from the large home, leaving Daniel and Teal'c with Gyrin. He led her away to a small home in amongst a congregation of homes. Within it sat a young man on a bed, a child on either side of him. A little girl of about seven and little boy of around three or four.
"Kye, Zyla, this is Sam," Okem spoke to the two children because they both turned around at the sound of their name. "Yusef, you may leave," he added to the young man, who left upon the command. The two children surveyed Sam and both approached her tentatively. She could see they were wary of strangers. She crouched down to their height and smiled at them.
"Hi," she said.
"Hello," said the little girl – Zyla.
"Children," Okem said, also kneeling to their height, "Sam is here to speak with you of the attack. Do you remember what happened?" Okem spoke kindly to the children, friendly – not as though he was better than them. The little boy whimpered and stood by his sister. She nodded. "Do you think you could talk to Sam about it?" Zyla nodded again and Okem smiled, patting her on the shoulder. "There's a good girl. If you can say no more, Sam will not be angry with you, so you may tell her, ok?" She nodded once more and Okem left the small home with Kye to go and talk to Teal'c about the Goa'uld.
"Zyla, I just wanted to ask you a few questions about your mom, is that ok with you?" Sam asked gently and Zyla nodded.
"Yes," she said softly.
"I...well I was wondering how she died. Do you think you could tell me that?" The little girl looked at her brothers' sad face, but she nodded.
"The evil one killed her," she said.
"The Goa'uld?" Sam asked, for clarification.
"The evil one, who's eyes glowed. He came here. He did something from his hand and then mommy fell. He tried to kill us too."
"And what happened?"
"Something came from his hand again and we flew and hit the wall. It hurt, but we did not die. Then he left us."
"Did he know you were alive?"
"He looked at us. He came in to us. But when he saw my eyes open, he left." Sam nodded slowly, understanding the situation. He'd shot the ribbon device at them, but it hadn't killed them. Romash must have left the false memory of them dying in Jack's mind to make him think he killed the children, knowing it was something close to his heart, having had his own son die and blaming himself for it.
Suddenly it all made sense to Sam. Romash had lied to Jack. He'd left a memory there, so real, that Jack didn't even know it wasn't true. So vivid was the vision, he knew no better than to believe it. How could he know it was false? Sam contemplated it and then looked back to Zyla, her eyes full of tears.
"Zyla, do you think the man that was here wanted to kill your mom?" Sam asked and the little girl shook her head. She'd been told of the Goa'uld. She knew what they did to people. She knew it was not the person doing the things, but the evil thing inside them. It was a lot for a seven year old to understand, but she was smart. She understood.
"No," she replied, "Okem told me of the evil ones. It was the evil one killing my mom, not the man."
"So you don't think it was his fault? You don't blame him?"
"No. The evil one made him do those things. It was not his fault."
"If that man, if he came here to see you, would you tell him that? That you knew it wasn't his fault?" Wiping her tears away, Zyla nodded with a little smile. She would like to meet him.
"Yes." Sam looked to Okem for confirmation and with a nod he smiled.
"You may bring him here," he said simply and Sam left at once for Daniel and Teal'c to go back to the SGC and tell General Hammond.
"Jack!" Sam exclaimed as she nearly knocked the door down.
"What?" he asked in puzzlement as Sam sat herself down beside him, her face set in a smile.
"I want you to do something for me," she said and he raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah," he said slowly.
"I want you to come back to the SGC with me tomorrow. We have a new mission and you really need to be on it." With this he turned away. Why was she so excited when she knew how he felt about going back? But Sam's excitement wasn't really the overjoyed kind, although she appeared as so. She was really pleased with her findings of the day – finding out that the children hadn't in fact died. She was so pleased to have found this out, she was eager for Jack to see it as well, but she promised herself she wouldn't tell him. He had to see it, find out for himself. He had to trust her. Believe that this was very important and go back to the SGC. If he knew about those two children still being alive, she knew for certain it would change his perspective on both himself and the things he did while under the control of Romash. For if he saw those two children were alive, he would see without a shadow of doubt that Romash had left false memories within his mind, and it would prove to him he had in fact been strong. He'd actually stopped the Goa'uld from killing two children – surely that would count for something on his part? Sam was sure it would help him, but he needed to go on his own, she couldn't make him and she couldn't tell him why. He had to trust her.
"Sam, I..."
"You need to do this Jack. You have to go back there eventually."
"I know, but I just...I can't yet."
"I'm not going to make you come Jack – this needs to be your own decision – but I will tell you that if you don't take this opportunity, you will regret it." Sam looked to him and saw desperation in his eyes. He wanted to go back, but he just didn't trust himself with going through the Stargate again. What if it happened again? What if something went wrong? What if they didn't trust him anymore? "When I leave in the morning, I hope its with you, but I'm not going to make you come," Sam closed and then went off to have a shower – she'd missed hers at the base.
Jack sat alone with his thoughts and tried to figure out what to do. He felt so insecure within himself – worried he might never be able to trust himself to go through the gate again. Sam wanted him to go. He wanted to go. He missed Daniel and Teal'c and General Hammond. He missed going through the gate. It was all a part of his life, and he hadn't seen any of it in so long.
After thinking the entire time Sam was in the shower, Jack made his decision. He might regret it, and Sam might hate him for it, and so might everyone else, but he'd made up his mind. When the next morning came, he knew what he was going to do. It was no longer shadowing over him like a black cloud – he'd decided. It might be the worst decision in his life, but it was made now and he wasn't going back on it.
Sam was pleased that that night, Jack hadn't suffered from any nightmares. Or she hadn't woken up if he did. She thought the latter was more likely considering he hadn't been a night without a nightmare in a long while. She tried to think he had been lucky, but she thought it was unlikely he was. With dawn looming, Sam woke up. Beside her, when she looked, she saw the space was not filled. It was empty. Jack wasn't there. Perhaps he'd slept on the sofa again, Sam decided. She quickly dressed and went into the lounge room to find he was not asleep on the sofa.
In fact she found he was already dressed, sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in his hand and one beside him. She smiled.
"I...I thought you weren't going to come?" she said.
"I never said that," Jack told her with a smile and she nodded. He was right.
"You're right," she agreed. "I'm glad you're coming." He nodded and then indicated she sit down at her coffee mug and she did so. "Thankyou."
"Jack!" Jackson exclaimed crazily as O'Neill and Carter approached he and Teal'c in the gate room. "What're you doing here?"
"It is good to see you again O'Neill," Teal'c commented, bowing his head.
"Good to see you too Teal'c, Danny," Jack said, patting Teal'c on the shoulder.
"Glad to see you Jack," General Hammond's voice came over the speaker and they all looked up to see him at the control room window with a smile on his face. Jack nodded up to him.
"Thankyou sir."
"SG-1, you have a go."
"Where are we going?"
"You'll see," Sam said, looking at Daniel, who nodded. Jack looked at both of them, puzzled, but followed them up the ramp hesitantly. Hammond noticed his 2IC was clearly not confident with the venture, but he had full buoyancy that he would be fine.
On the opposite side of the wormhole, Jack's mind briefly let him forget he'd ever been to this strange planet. Sam noticed this as they all stood on the dais and was pleased. If he didn't remember the place, it would be far easier for him. But after a brief moment of poor memory, Jack instantly recalled the planet. It was as though he had a Tok'ra memory recall device on its highest setting, and flashbacks of him and his contour of Jaffa blasted before his eyes, forcing him to close them in pain. The memories themselves at this stage weren't painful, but the actual process induced by remembering them was extremely painful. Sam immediately noticed him slightly bent over with his palm to his forehead and taking his arm in unease, lead him slowly off the dais and to the soft ground. Daniel and Teal'c watched in concern.
"What is it?" Jackson asked and O'Neill shook his head.
"Nothing," he lied, emotionally shaking the memories away from his mind, the pain, however, remaining.
"It did not appear to be nothing O'Neill," Teal'c stated the obvious but Jack shrugged away their worries.
"It's fine," he said and looked around trying to block out the pain. "I know where we are." Sam worried. Would he refuse to go any further? Would he be angry with her for wanting him to come?
"Where?" Daniel asked, just for the sake of it.
"Sondi," he replied and they were all initially surprised he even knew the name of the planet. Romash had known the name of this planet. He'd known exactly what kind of people were here. He'd planned it all well.
"Come on, let's keep going," Sam suggested, shunting her way past the men and taking point on the short journey to the village. Daniel and Teal'c shared glances and then proceeded to follow her – they were uncertain if she was still considered CO now that Jack was with them once again, but it appeared as though she thought so. Jack took a moment to recover from the stabbing pain in his head and then followed. What they were doing here he didn't know, but he was certain the villagers that had survived Romash's attack wouldn't be too pleased to see him there again. And he knew for sure that anyone who had seen what he did while there would be running for cover in the forest again if they saw him coming – too scared to be anywhere near him.
Once they reached the village, Gyrin and Okem came to them with open arms once again, or at least Okem had open arms again. A giant friendly grin plastered on his big round face, Okem's eyes shone brightly as he happily greeted them. His bright green eyes still astounded Sam.
"Welcome friends!" he exclaimed joyfully. "Welcome back to Sondi. Welcome."
"Greetings once again," Gyrin said, less enthusiastically. Okem frowned comically at him and nudged his shoulder, indicating he be a little more sociable. Gyrin frowned, not comically, and gave Okem a look of contempt. He didn't want to be made look a fool in front of strangers. He wasn't really happy with them being here at all, so he was hardly about to be overly excited upon their arrival. Okem could be a clown all on his own, for Gyrin wasn't about to join him. "You have brought another I see. Okem, you have once again failed to inform me of details such as this." Okem looked away and chuckled. Gyrin was such a spoiled sport! Why should he bother to inform him of things when he would only make a fuss about it?
"This one has come by request of Sam," Okem smiled and nodded to her. "I approved the request but yesterday. I felt no need to inform you of such a thing for I knew you would only make a fuss of something that need not be fussed over." Daniel found himself smiling at the small war happening before them. He couldn't help but think of Urgo. Okem was so similar to Urgo it was incredible. He was built perhaps a little less large compared with Urgo, and perhaps a little shorter, but otherwise his personality and sense of humour were very much the same. His manner was light and happy and seemed to be quite a jokester. Clearly Gyrin disapproved of such behaviour, but just as clear was Okem's disregard to Gyrin's feelings. He really wasn't bothered about the fact that Gyrin despised his natural carefree outlook and optimistic personality as well as high spirited nature. Okem was just a naturally happy person, why should he care if Gyrin was dull and boring and uptight about everything? But at Okem's last response, Gyrin had had enough and he stalked off in a huff. Okem smiled and shrugged. "He is impatient, take no notice. Please, come this way. Kye and Zyla are out in the fields. You would wish to speak with them would you not?" The question was directed at Jack, but he had no idea who Okem was talking about or why he might want to speak to them. He looked at Sam, who was nodding fervently. Okem looked to her for his response, for he could clearly see that Jack didn't know what or who he was talking about.
They all walked to the boundary of a field and then stopped. Sam could see the two children in the field, kneeling down on the grass with flowers clasped tightly in their small hands.
"We shall wait here while you speak with them," Okem said and Sam indicated Jack go. She knew as soon as he saw their faces he would remember them as the two children he'd thought to have killed. He looked at the rest of his friends apprehensively and then embarked into the field without any weapons. He'd never been threatened by children – he didn't feel he needed to have something to protect himself with – even if they were from another planet. As he approached, they both stole glances at him then looked back to the shape in front of them. In the shape of an oval, rocks were placed around a dark patch of soil, a headstone at its apex. Carved into the head stone was a name.
Misha Cuesh, well loved and missed
Jack knelt by the children and when Zyla looked at him, he instantly thought he was hallucinating. He'd seen himself kill this little girl...how could she be alive?
"You know us," she told him as he examined her as though she could be a figment of his imagination. Her fine blonde hair was brushed into her eyes as the wind blew around them. She blinked and pushed it away from her face, her blue eyes completely fixed on Jack.
"You can't be real," he told her in disbelief but she nodded her head.
"We are." Kye looked to the man kneeling by Zyla and cocked his head. He remembered this man. He'd killed their mother. But no, he recalled. Teal'c, the large man that had come from another world, had explained to them that he'd been taken over by something called a Goa'uld when his body killed their mother. This man hadn't wanted it to happen, but the beast inside of him had made him do it unwillingly. It was difficult for the young boy to comprehend, but like his older sister, he too was smart. He could understand.
"But I watched you die," Jack explained and Kye shook his head, moving up beside his sister.
"We didn't," he said.
"But...how?"
"The creature that was inside of you made you believe now, that you had killed us, but it is not true. The memory was not true," Zyla put in plain words.
"But you mom is dead."
"The creature did that to her."
"But you saw me kill her. You should hate me for that."
"It was not you that killed mom, it was the creature," Kye said. How could such young children be so smart? How could they be so understanding? How could they be trying to help him? He'd killed their mom, they'd seen him do it, and yet they were trying to make him feel better, to understand. Although he found all of that completely amazing, hearing it from them, young children, it seemed to make the most sense. More than even Skaara had made. It seemed to fit together properly. All the pieces of the puzzle came together and the picture was clear. Romash had done those things, not him. And these children knew it. They were alive when he thought he'd killed them, but when he pushed past the fake memory of him killing them, he saw something he hadn't seen before. He had indeed fired the hand device at them – Romash had – but when he walked over to them to finish them off, Jack's will had had an effect on Romash. He'd stopped the demon from killing those two children. It had wanted them dead, he'd felt it, but he'd stopped it. And even although he found this incredibly hard to believe, he now knew it was true. It now made sense.
"Thankyou," he said to them meaningfully and they both smiled. They were happy to have met him. They knew before meeting him that he had not done anything to them, in fact he had stopped them from being killed by the Goa'uld Romash, but they were glad to have actually met him as he would have been then if the Goa'uld had not been inside of him. He was a kind man, and they could easily see that. Courage shone brightly within his eyes, and those two children understood Jack O'Neill, the man, better than anyone else. Being young, children, they saw the simple things. The simple things that adults, always looking for complexities, couldn't see. Adults always saw through the straightforward things and actually looked for complications within things – within people. They saw the hard things and tried to make them better, rather than seeing the simple, obvious things, and admiring them. Trying to fix problems didn't always work – but noticing the little, simple things, would never fail anyone. Those two children saw Jack for who he was, not for where he'd been, what he'd done, or what he'd seen in life, but for who he was. It was that, that made them understand him better than anyone.
He got up slowly and watching them for a moment, then turned and left them. Sam watched him approach and saw content in his statement. For the first time in a long while, there was a clear, contented air about him. He seemed satisfied, and almost happy. When he stopped beside Sam, she turned to him in slight puzzlement.
"Jack?" she said simply. He smiled at her and then picked her up and spun around in a circle. Sam laughed and when he placed her back on two feet, kissed him happily.
"I'm back," he told her and she nodded, smile imprinted on her face. Daniel looked at Teal'c, and then Jack and Sam and couldn't help smiling.
"Welcome back, Jack."
The End
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