SGC-TV
by M
TITLE: SGC-TV
AUTHOR: M
EMAIL: Scum_bucket_11@yahoo.com
CATEGORY: Humor
PAIRING: Sam/other
SPOILERS: none
SEASON / SEQUEL: any
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: none
SUMMARY: The SGC's TV stations kick off... and then turn off
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: If you think this sucks, try channel five in England! Nuff said! P.S. Now then Andy!!!!
Hammond: I have called this meeting of the departments; training, biology, chemistry, physics and technician guys, in order to find a way of curing the low moral around here. As you know many of the teams are getting fed up, especially the troops at the gate, as they have nothing to do.
Head of Training: Sir! I suggest we start a rugged training system Sir! We can weed out the scum Sir!
Hammond: I said moral, colonel, not muscle.
Head of biology: Let's give them biology lessons sir, every one loves to learn biology.
Head of Physics: Ha! Biology isn't a science! Physics is true science, give them physics lessons.
Head of Chemistry: Haha! Neither of you are real science! Chemistry is much more practicle!
Physics: What? You're just an inbetween, between physics and biology! You're only a separate science because we physicists already discovered everything about it!
Chemistry: You want a piece of me?
Physics: Bring it on!
A fight ensues and biology also gets a few digs in before security takes them away.
Hammond: Ok, you guys are the only ones left; what should we do in your opinion?
Techie 1: I think we should make a base TV channel, it would be fun, the troops could do their own shows and everything.
Techie 2: We could have a whole station to our selves! All the cabling is already up! We'd just need two or three empty hangers to turn into studios!
Techie 1: I wonder what it would be called&
Hammond: I like this idea& I like it a lot. We'll call it SGC-TV. Get on to it right away, but don't spend too much; just steal from the science departments& I don't like those guys.
And on that day, SGC-TV was born. It became a base wide TV station with five channels; cunningly named 1,2,3,4 and 5. 1 of course got the quality programs with big budgets. 2 was an overflow for the high quality viewing. 3 was exclusively for the Base versions of 'sport'. 4 is the music channel and 5 is cheap air time for people who wanted to do their own shows.
After two weeks being on the air, the station was a success; everyone was hooked. Lets browse the channels&
Narrator: Damn it! It's the adverts!
"No! get back Sally! The evil alien killer bugs will get you!"
"AAAHH! Help me Jim!"
"No Sally! I love you! I can't live with out you! Die you evil bugs!!!"
"Jim! You saved me!"
"I know Sally. But we must look out in future& for 'The Bugs that ate General Hammond!'"
Coming soon to SGC-TV; rated PG-13.
And now back to 'SGC Street'; SGC's very own soap opera.
Jack: Teal'c! No!
Teal'c: What is it Colonel O'Neil?
Jack: You can't go in there!
Teal'c: Why is that Colonel O'Neil? Is there something you do not wish me to see?
Jack: I tried to warn you Teal'c!
Teal'c: This is indeed disturbing& Who'd have thought that Major Carter was going out with&
Voice of TV: Tune in tomorrow for SGC Street!
Narrator: This sucks! Channel 2!
TV Voice: And welcome back to 'The Gate room' with your host, Janet Fraiser!
Janet: Hello, on today's show, people that just can't stop saying 'Sir' before everything.
Training guy: Sir, ma'am& whatever. It was the training! They made me do it Ma'am! Sir!
Narrator: And I thought SGC Street sucked&
"Hello! I'm Gate guy! You would all know my real name; but I'm stuck just locking chevrons in place! Anyway. We just received word that SG-1 got back from PX& Whatever. So everyone taking place in the 'Daniel's injuries lottery' get your tickets ready! Back to the studio!"
Presenter: Thank you Gate guy. In other sports news, the SGC staring contest sponsored by General Meybourne industries inc. was won by Teal'c. He beat Colonel Zechariah by a clear ten minutes and actually received permanent eye damage. Zechariah had this to say after the match:
"I was cheated! He kept like, raising his eyebrow to distract me! It was a fix!"
Presenter: Also, in the cross-base race (In which racers race around the base on Go-karts from one end to the other), a previously unheard off entrant won, here is reporter Cassie with the details:
Cassie: So, Captain Xan, you won the race with a new record of half an hour and ten minutes. How does it feel?
Xan: Great! I was worried a bit back there when General Hammond tried to stop the race, but I managed to doge past him before he knew what was going on.
Cassie: Back to the studio.
Presenter: Thank you Cassie. News just in from Gate Guy. The results for the 'Daniel's injuries lottery' were: One broken arm, a bruised head and an infected cut; those results again: A broken arm, a bruised head and an INFECTED cut. Initial results show there to be two winners, Daniel Jackson and General Hammond.
Narrator: Damn! So close! I had bruised head and non-infected cut! Next channel!
"And here is SG-1's new video; SG-rap. Take it away Colonel O'Neil.
"So I'm colonel O'Neil,
Performing for you!"
Techie 1: Party on Bill!
Techie 2: Party on Kirk!
Both: Bill's world! Bill's world! Cheap airtime! Excellent!
Narrator: God damn this! There is nothing on!!!
Fin :)
If you think that sucked& You should try watching channel 5 in England! That REALLY sucks!
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