the child within
the child within
by l-plate
the child within
AUTHOR: l-plate
EMAIL: devildude2k1uk@yahoo.co.uk
CATEGORY: Action/Adventure
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SPOILERS: none
SEASON / SEQUEL: future
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: violence
SUMMARY: jack's childhood come back to haunt him
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: feed back pppppppppppllllllllllleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaassssssseeeee!!!!!
Shit! I'm late; she's going to kill me. I was meant to be home 5 minutes ago. I pump my legs as hard as I can, the raw skin on the back of my knees making my journey more difficult. I know I won't get fed tonight. I squeeze my eyes shut as I push all the energy I can summon into my legs, willing myself forward. I can see the green door ahead, I race on, times running out, she's gonna be pissed at me. As I rummage for my key I hear the latch click, shit she heard me. I feel the pulling on my collar, yet keep looking down. Her hands are glued to her hips, I can smell the booze on her, I try not to heave as the stench invades my breathing space. My growls as I stand there, back straight, hands clamped to my sides and head down.
"Aaahhh is my baby hungry?" I keep still, "Look at me boy!" I lift my face and look up at mother, "I said are you hungry?""
"Ye...yes ma'...ma'am"
"Who the hell gave you permission to speak!" Whack! she hits me "Get to it boy! I want the chores done. Bathroom: 1 hour, I want to see my face in the floor. Kitchen: 50..." I shut her as she lists my time limits, I know them off by heart. And as much as I try to beat them, I never can.
I kneel down scrubbing, my hands are raw, my knuckles bleeding. The muscles in my jaw twitch as I repeat mother's instructions, imitating her voice. I know if I'm caught talking the consequences will be severe. I silence myself as I hear the floorboards creek, my back stiffens when the door opens.
"I got you a little present" in my corner, I fall forward on my hands and stare at the tin bucket. A thin layer of mist spirals upward. I soon begin spitting up. The only thought I have is that I'm going to cough up my insides. My throat and lungs are on fire. My eyes water as the ammonia and Clorox mix together. I know she won't give in and open the door. To survive her new game I have to use my head.
Jack woke with a start, automatically gripping his, suddenly dry burning throat. The colonel swung his legs out of bed and slowly stood, he looked down where his sweat soaked the sheets. With a loud sigh he turned and left the room.
He was grateful no one else was in the commissary, he had been here every night for the past week and a half and didn't want any one asking questions. He took a long sip of his now cold coffee, relishing the cool fluid as it hit his still aching throat.
With the spoon in her hand, mother crept towards me. I backed away, some of the ammonia spilled from the spoon to the floor. I felt my head strike the counter by the stove. I wasn't afraid, exhaustion wouldn't let me be. I opened my mouth without hesitation. She rammed the spoon deep into my mouth. My throat seized, I thought my eyes would pop out of my head. I pounded the floor, I couldn't swallow. My mind screamed for help. My eyes were fixed on the kitchen floor tiles as the colours ran into each other. SLAP!
O'Neill jumped out of his day dream, as someone slammed down on the table he was sat at, knocking over his coffee mug. He craved water, soda anything wet and cold. That all too familiar burning sensation had returned.
"Shit!" he cursed, rubbing his neck. He could hear her, she was there, laughing at him, telling him he was a 'bad boy' as she had done for so many years of his child hood. He couldn't lift his head. Fear had overtaken his entire body. This isn't real, it can't be. No I won't let her win anymore, she can't control me I won't let her. NO! he stood tall, his chest out, eyes cast down on her face, hatred washed his face as the colour drained from it, his eyes were red. He watched as she brought her hand up to his face. Like a bolt of lightening he pushed her off, she fell backwards into a table. Regaining some of her stability Sam rushed to her feet and started backing off "Do you feel it? Do ya'? Huh? Answer me dammit" he threw a table from in front of him "Can you feel every part of your body tense? Do you feel your chest heaving, your muscles growing weaker? Can you feel the fear? Can you smell it in the air? Well do you?" for every step she took back, he took one forward. Room was becoming sparse. Carter darted her eyes desperately looking for her escape, there was none. She was trapped, the cold wall came up too quick, she had miscalculated "Maybe now you know how I feel, every time you enter a room Well it ends now, I'm not running any more, and I'm not going to let you control my life. I'm not scared of you, you can take your sick games else where 'cause I sure as hell ain't playing them." he was only centimetres from her face "tell me if you can feel the fear overtake your senses?"
"Sir please? Just let me go. I..." he crumpled to the floor, grasping the back of his knees, his pleas for help pierced the room.
"This'll teach the boy not to steal" I glance up at father from the floor, my legs gave way at least half an hour ago, this was another of mother's favourite games, she thoroughly enjoyed watching me try and walk away as she batted my legs with the broom handle. I could feel the blood pulsing under the already evident bruises, I knew it hadn't finished yet, she never stopped until I begged for mercy, sometimes she's do it even more. I never cried, I would never give er that satisfaction, I only pleaded when I thought it would please her, but this, this was true torture she knew I couldn't take the pain, she had always known which is why she continued playing this 'game'. I rolled onto my back, mother was staring me down, she was ready to continue, she raised the wooden pole high above her head, I searched for my hero, my protector, under the warn face and greying hair, I could still see my superman, I looked right into his eyes and something changed, for the good. Mother was about to bring the broom down on my chest when father's hand stopped her,
"NO! Julie leave him be, he's learnt his lesson haven't you?" he gave me his stern yet soft look
"Ye...yes sir" I could see mother shaking her head
"Why are you so soft on him? Why can't you pay that much attention to your other sons, he's not the only one living here. From now on I don't even want you to acknowledge him. Do you understand?" mother turned to me "Do you understand?" I nodded my head frantically "Get to it! You have a garage to clean" mother stormed off away from father and me. Once she was gone he helped me to my feet, steadying me when I stumbled
"Go on tiger. Go and get cleaned up. Please try not to cross her, I can't take much more of this" I knew what he meant; I knew that if this carried on he would leave.
"I'll try to sneak you some food down later" he ruffled my hair and left me standing at the door to the garage. He left faster than he came, we both knew what the consequences would be if she caught us together.
Jack gasped, breathing hard, and sweating as the pain started to subside, his legs stung and ached all over.
"Sir are you okay?" he tried so hard to keep the tears held back but his efforts were hopeless as a train of salty tears started to make it's way down his nose as he lay curled up on the floor. Sam moved slowly as she approached him, he suddenly seemed calm, his breathing gradually slowed, she peered over his body to see what had been causing him so much pain, small patches of blood had appeared on his combat pants, she tried not to get too close for fear he would lash out again. The major crossed to the door poking her head out she called a guard over instructing him to retrieve Dr Fraser immediately.
This has got to be a dream. I shove the sandwich far into my mouth; mother had been rushed into hospital with a bad case of food poisoning. Father sat at the other side of the table; he smiled fondly at me as I took another sandwich from the trey. While mother was away I was part of 'the family', I was given food and allowed to sleep in fathers bed with him. I knew mother would be home soon and things would return to the way they were, but I didn't care for nor I was a regular kid; my brothers had accepted me into their 'group', as we played in the yard. This fantasy would soon come to an end but I relished every moment I could. Father had instructed my brothers not to tell her but somehow I knew she'd find out. I didn't care I liked it like this, father shared the chores out. There was no 'gas chamber' treatment as I cleaned the bathroom.
Jack lay on the gurney, his legs wrapped in bandages. Sam had taken vigil by his side not ready to give up on him yet. She held his hand in her own praying for is safety. He had been 9 days since the incident in the commissary, fresh bruises had appeared on his body, his body jerked as he dreamt pain etching his face.
"Jack I know you probably can't hear me, Janet said you can. I...I er you have to pull through this, whatever 'this' is you can make it I know you can. Please we need you... I need you" she lifted his hand to her mouth pressing a gentle kiss to his bleeding knuckles "Janet!" the Dr rushed in "It's happening again"
I stood alone in my 'bedroom' to the left was the army cot I used to sleep on, the thing I remember the most is the warmth I could feel "Odd" I whispered to myself
"...You can make it I know you can. Please we need you...I need you" I spun around unsure of where the voice came from
"Who's there?"
"So you talk without permission now!" the hard blow knocked me to the floor
"It's happening again"
"Excuse me? I didn't hear you ask permission to speak" how can I ask permission to speak if I'm not aloud to speak, my mind screamed. A sharp stappng pain threw me to the far wall. My chest felt like it was going to cave in "Get up!" I tried to push my body off the floor "Now!" gaian I tried but to no avail, mother grabbedm my arm and dragged me up the stairs "Here!" she tossed me to a lady "Take him!" I looked up at her. She was beautiful, short blonde hair, shining blue eyes, she was wearing some kind of uniform, there was a badge on the sleeve I couldn'y quite make out the symbol, I'd never seen it before
"You're going to be okay" she told me. she took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"You're going to be okay" Sam gave his hand a small squeeze as she leaned back in her chair "Any change?" she inquired. Fraser shook her head
I looked at mother, she wanted me to go, she smiled at me in that one smile I saw all I needed to see, the answeres I had been searching for. Father stepped to me, he hugged me, in front of mother, he hugged me, I couldn't believe it, why wasn't she punishing me? ryan and steve smiled at me as well
"Be good big bro'" what? I waited for the blows to come, they didn't, instead I felt a soft kiss on m head
"Be good my son. I am so proud of you" wait, hang on, what going on? "I love you my prescious son" I love you! She said it, I can't go, I don't want to. I pull at the hand that's holding me in place "Dreams teach my son. They guide us and nurture us, be safe and make mommy proud"
"I love you too mommy!"
Carter felt a tug on her hand, she bolted upright, she watched with intense interest at the scene that unfolded in front of her. Tears formed in his eyes as they slowly fluttered open. He hadn't wanted to leave, he had herad the words he had always wanted to hear all his life, she had said them, to him, he look up at the owner of the hand in his and smiled. She leaned down and softly kissed him on the lips,
"You ever do that to me again and I'll kill you"
"Sorry"
"Sssshhhh, rest now, talk later" he nodded and closed his eyes, knowing that the nightmares that had shaken his life were really gone.
Forever.
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