Virtuoso
by Little Heaven
TITLE: Virtuoso
AUTHOR: Little Heaven
EMAIL: cielita2689@aol.com
CATEGORY:Humor, Romance, Song/Filk
PAIRING: Daniel/Janet
SPOILERS:
SEASON / SEQUEL: 3
SERIES:
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: None
SUMMARY: Lets just say Daniel had this coming.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:Thank you, "Letters to Cleo" for your awsome song! have fun reading! Please R&R!
Home. Finally back home. Nothing feels so good. Well, except maybe a nice hot shower. That was exactly what Dr. Daniel Jackson had on his mind as he graciously allowed his teammates, even Sam, who manages to use almost all the hot water, to go first, leaving him alone in the shower bay. Looking at himself in the mirror: it was not a pretty sight. He was covered in mud from head to toe; his fatigues nearly disappeared beneath dampness and muck. Patches of mud still clung to his cheeks and obscured his glasses. The bandana he was wearing was tattered and falling off. Yep, he was one sorry sight. He momentarily imagined what Shau’ri would have said. She would have shook her head, washed his face, and kissed his cheek, telling him that he should learn to play more gently. Then she would have massaged his achy muscles and cuddled into bed beside him. God, how he missed her.
Slowly, he began to disrobe, dropping each article unceremoniously into a pile. Leaving his glasses on top of his clean clothes, he stretched and headed for the shower, once again passing by the mirror. Once again, he was not impressed. Sometimes he wished he had more of a physique, you know, like Jack. But then again, Jack had worked for years at his, and Jack was not an archaeologist. Scratching his head, he stepped into the shower, still warm from Sam’s shower before him. He’d be lucky to get enough hot water. As a matter of fact, he could still smell the scent of Sam’s shower gel a little in the air. That wasn’t for Daniel. He preferred his Lever2000.
As the shampoo melted away and the warm, moist air penetrated his lungs and softened the hoarseness, he cleared his throat and subconsciously began to sing:
"I want you to want me!
I need you to need me!
I’d love you to love me!
I’m begging you to beg me!"
From the locker area of the room, mostly hidden from the shower area, an uninvited eavesdropper straddled a bench and listened. He lightly chuckled as he meekly peeked around the corner and saw the outline of a man singing at the top of his lungs and appearing to really have fun. In the intruder’s hand was a small tape recorder. As Daniel’s voice cracked on the high notes, the intruder cringed, but remained none the less to get the rest of the song. When he heard the water squeak to a stop, the man ran from the room, being careful to make too much noise. Oblivious, Daniel strode out of the shower area clad only in his towel and still humming the last few bars of his song. He didn’t have a clue that Jack had been there.
Jack launched himself down the hall toward Major Carter’s office. He stopped short in the doorway when he saw that she wasn’t alone. She and Dr. Fraiser must have been having a little girl-talk session. Dr. Fraiser got up to leave, but Colonel O’ Neill held up his hand saying, "You’re gonna want to hear this."
The two women sat back bewildered as O’ Neill produced his tape recorder.
"What’s this about, Colonel?" Asked Dr. Fraiser.
"Just listen." Said Jack. He pressed play and stood back. He watched as the expressions on the women’s faces changed and they turned a shade of scarlet as they heard what Colonel O’Neill had covertly captured on tape. When he hit the refrain, Major Carter began to laugh. She couldn’t keep quiet anymore. It was just too funny to hear Daniel that way. Soon after, Dr. Fraiser started to giggle. Then all three were laughing till they cried.
"Wait a minute. We have to do something with this." Said Sam, suddenly feeling mischievous.
"Like what?" said Dr. Fraiser, suddenly very interested in this conversation.
"What’s something mean that we could do?" Sam said as she thought out loud.
"I got something mean we could do." Said Jack. The women followed him down the hall not knowing precisely what the colonel had in mind.
"Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?
Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?
Feeling all alone without a friend you feel like dying
Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?"
Daniel’s voice blared over the loudspeaker. Many of the officers and airmen in the halls stopped and gave one another bewildered looks of amusement. Daniel had gone home long ago, so he had no idea that his teammates had thoroughly humiliated him.
Sam was rolling. She couldn’t stop the tears from falling from her eyes; she was laughing too hard. She and Jack and Janet were loving every minute of this. Teal’c walked into the communications room and confronted his friends.
"O’Neill, what is the meaning of this announcement?" he asked.
"Nothing (snicker) Teal’c. We’re just (laugh) having a little fun (giggle)" Sam responded.
"I do not understand." Teal’c continued.
"It’s an Earth thing, Teal’c my man." Jack soothed, patting Teal’c on the back. He still didn’t comprehend the humor in embarrassing Dr. Jackson, but it intrigued him. He left the room at an even pace as to observe the fits of laughter overcoming those that were working the night shift at the base.
"Very strange." The Jafa thought. He would have to study more about Tau’ri humor.
The next day, Daniel arrived on base and swiped his security pass at the gate. He smiled back when the guard cracked a grin at him—though he was not quite sure why. Walking into his office, he set his messenger bag down and flicked on the lights. As the officers and others walked by, Daniel would hear an occasional snort, giggle or chuckle. But why? Finally, Daniel came across Teal’c. Good, he thought, Teal’c will tell me what the Hell’s going on here.
"O’Neill tells me it is an Earth thing, Daniel Jackson." Teal’c said.
"Wait a minute—Jack has something to do with this?" Daniel asked.
"Indeed, Daniel Jackson." Teal’c repeated. Daniel walked down the hall and ran into Sam.
"Hey, Daniel, you’re going to be late for our briefing if you don’t hurry." She said, passing him by. Daniel only stopped for a moment before following her.
"Hey, Sam, what do you know about this "Earth Thing" that Teal’c keeps telling me about?" Daniel asked.
"What are you talking about?" Sam asked innocently. She didn’t realize that guilty blush was starting to spread up her throat.
"Well, everybody around here seems to be laughing at me. Is it something I’m wearing?" He asked, gesturing toward his fatigues. Sam shook her head in amusement.
"There’s nothing on my face is there? No remnants of the Egg McMuffin I had on the way out here?" He continued. Sam started to laugh.
"You’re really getting paranoid! C’mon, let’s go." Sam said, giving Daniel’s shoulder a push. If he got any closer on to them, they were in big trouble. If they could keep a straight face during the briefing, they would be fine.
An hour later, SG-1 was ready to go and standing on the platform, waiting for their signal to go. While they waited, Jack whistled a humorously familiar tune as he paced up and down the room. The security crew in the gate room was fighting to keep their serene composure. It wasn’t working. Jack knew precisely what he was doing, and he also knew that it was driving Daniel nuts.
"SG-1, you have a go."
The swirling vortex consumed them and the team found themselves on their destination planet. Before any kind of exploration could be done, Daniel looked at Jack, who was still precociously singing the song.
"Jack, what’s this all about?" He asked.
"What’s what, Daniel?"
"That tune. Where did you get that tune?"
"I dunno. Why?"
"You were there, weren’t you?" Daniel said, the pitch of his voice rising.
"Where?" Jack said, continuing to distract him. It was not working.
"You sneaked into the shower bay while I was in the shower, didn’t you?"
Daniel didn’t realize that the more he spoke, the more it was beginning to sound like a confession rather than an accusation.
"You are so busted." Sam muttered from a distance. Teal’c overheard her and questioned the phrase.
"It’s an expression, Teal’c. It means he got caught in the act." Sam explained.
"Major Carter, does that not mean that…" Teal’c question was cut off and somewhat finished when Daniel whirled around.
"And you! You knew about this too, didn’t you?" Daniel shouted. His face was a shade of scarlet that they had never seen before, and Sam found it difficult, if not impossible to keep from laughing.
"Oh, this is all funny to you guys, but you wait and see. If you do anything with that tape, I’ll make sure you…"
"What? You’re gonna what?" Jack said, forcing Daniel to back down. This was not going to be pretty.
"I’d shine up my old brown shoes,
Put on a brand new shirt,
I’d come home early from work if you’d
Say that you love me…"
Jack had only meant to play the song once, but that hadn’t been enough for Sam. She set the loudspeaker on a revolving timer that played the transmission at the beginning of every duty shift. Doctor Fraiser had stopped in the hall on the way to her office, smiled, and walked on. She couldn’t wait to see if Daniel had found out or not. And how many bruises Jack came back with.
"Dr. Fraiser, would someone mind explaining to me just exactly what’s going on here?" asked a curious General Hammond.
"It was a prank, Sir. Someone taped Dr. Jackson singing in the shower and broadcast it so the whole base could hear it." Dr. Fraiser replied.
"Does the name Jack O’ Neill fall into this picture somewhere?" Asked Hammond.
Sheepishly, Dr. Fraiser surrendered, "Yes sir."
"I see." Said General Hammond, a sly grin creeping across his features. He couldn’t fathom what was going to happen when Daniel found out, but it was bound to be interesting. He smiled even broader as he left the infirmary, leaving a giggling Dr. Fraiser to her patients.
SG-1 walked back through the gate a day later, Daniel first, stomping mad, then a very cautious Sam and Teal’c, and finally Jack, his arm over his abdomen and a matching black eye on both eyes. He walked with a limp and refused to let anyone help him to the infirmary. Just as Jack was coming up on the doors to the infirmary, the song started again, and he winced as he heard footsteps running toward him. He couldn’t have seen it coming as Daniel tackled him better than any line backer and both men crashed into the wall. Daniel’s glasses flew, Jack’s hat was nowhere to be found, and it took two airmen, Sam, and Dr. Fraiser to pry Daniel off the top of Jack. For the first time, he was awed. He didn’t think Daniel had it in him. Before they got him off, Daniel was able to land one more crucial punch, sending Jack round trip to lala land.
Jack’s only comfort in this situation was that Daniel knew better than to hit Sam or Teal’c. He awoke in the infirmary with Sam standing over him.
"Hi." He mumbled. Sam smiled. He could hardly speak because of his jaw, and his eyes were swollen almost to the point of closure. Sam was dressed down. She had washed her hair and had her civilian clothes, complete with her leather jacket, on.
"We’re gonna be in big trouble when Hammond finds out about this." He continued.
"He already knows, sir." Sam replied. "He’s not going to do anything. He figures that Daniel was punishment enough."
"I don’t know if that’s good news or not." Jack said. Sam laughed. She gently patted his shoulder and turned to leave.
Meanwhile, down the hall, Dr. Fraiser was nursing the cut the Daniel had sustained while pulverizing his best friend. She handled his face gently, cradling it in her left hand as her right dabbed at the cut.
"You know, you boys really ought to learn to play more gently. You’ll kill each other one of these days." She said, placing a bandage over the wound. Suddenly, Daniel had déjà vu. His thoughts from the other day surfaced as he looked up at Dr. Fraiser. Just for a moment, he saw someone completely different.
"Are you okay, Daniel?" She asked. Their eyes locked, and it became apparent that there was something deep in Daniel’s expression that she hadn’t seen before. Lightly, Daniel used his hand to guide her face to his and gave her the sweetest whisper of a kiss. Slowly, she stood back, taking in his whole face again.
"You’re welcome." She said with a soft smile. "Now, Virtuoso, get some rest."
Daniel flopped back onto the bed in his temporary quarters and flicked his shoes off his feet. He hardly noticed that Janet had stopped in the doorway to watch. She smiled when he looked up and caught her.
"We’ll talk about that kiss later." She promised.
The End
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