In The Dark, Part 1
In The Dark, Part 1
by Laura Y
TITLE: In The Dark, Part 1
AUTHOR: Laura Y
EMAIL: mrdrdoc@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Missing Scene/Epilogue, Angst, POV, Romance, Thoughts
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SPOILERS: Beneath the Surface
SEASON / SEQUEL: 4
RATING: PG-13
CONTENT WARNINGS: angst, male/female relationship, sexual situations
SUMMARY: What if more happened between Sam and Jack than we saw?
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is my first attempt at anything even remotely sexy, so I hope it worked. Dedicated to those folks who are so great about sending feedback, it's what keeps me writing!
I wake to darkness. It isn't complete darkness, there is always some light, but at night there are fewer braziers lit, and in the back of the sleeping area it gets fairly dark. I lay still, warm and comfortable, listening to the sounds of the others sleeping. There are other noises, too: the machinery is never silent, since it must keep working through the night to prevent it from freezing, and a few workers are up early, either preparing our morning meal, or coming off the night watch shift.
This is my favourite time of day, before we have to get up to work, while the lights are low and I can almost pretend that I'm somewhere else. Somewhere that we don't have to get up in a few minutes, where we can take a day and just have the time to ourselves. It's not that I don't love my work, I do. I know how important it is, how important we all our to the survival of our people. It's just that sometimes I really feel like I could do more, I could contribute so much if only I had the chance. But then I think of leaving here and my desire to be anywhere else vanishes.
As I turn over onto my back to look at the ceiling, carefully, because even the largest cots are quite narrow, the arms wrapped around me tighten. I feel my heart fill with love and the knowledge of how lucky I am as a sleepy voice mumbles incoherently in my ear. I smile; it's the same every day. He never wants to wake up, and honestly, neither do I.
But the morning peace and quiet is not the only reason this is my favourite time of the day. No matter how we go to sleep, no matter how hot it is at night, we wake up in the same position. I'm on my left side and he is spooned around my back, with his right hand resting on my bare stomach under my shirt. His face is buried in my hair, and my arms hug his close to me. This time, and the few moments before we fall asleep wrapped in each other's arms, are the best parts of every day.
I turn again so that I'm facing him, and he kisses the top of my head and rolls over onto his back, pulling me slightly onto him as he turns. It's my turn now, and I place a kiss at the hollow of his throat, giving him that last nudge towards wakefulness. This morning, however, he doesn't want to wake up, so I give him a little bite on his collarbone followed by another kiss and a flick of my tongue on his neck, and that gets his attention.
He runs his hand down my back and gives me a light pinch on the butt before running his hand back up under my shirt, his fingers just brushing the side of my breast. The feeling of his calloused palm on my skin gives me shivers, and I answer by stretching against him and running my fingers along the waistband of his pants. He sucks in his breath, and I know that we can't go much further even as he turns his head to kiss me and I feel the soles of my feet tingle. I move my hand up to the side of his face, and let myself fall into the kiss, shifting with him as he moves so that he's leaning over me, one knee between my legs, the length of our bodies pressing together.
We pull apart both breathing heavily, and the look he gives me makes me wish we had more time, or that our shift was over, and we were in one of the small rooms at the back of the facility that are reserved for couples who occasionally want more privacy than the thin curtain we're given to separate our cot from the others'. He leans his forehead down to mine and moves to lie back down beside me as we both work to control our breathing and our bodies' familiar reactions to each other. We sigh together as we hear the morning call to wake up, and the braziers are lit, causing the shadows of the workers outside our little sanctuary to flicker against our 'walls'.
We get up, and as he pulls the curtain aside, I smooth the blanket over our bed. He turns back to me and we complete our last morning ritual as we lean into each other for a light kiss before we go to work.
"Love you," he murmurs as he hugs me. "Love you," I echo him before we pull apart, and I wake up with tears running down my cheeks for the lives we lost when Jonah and Thera died.
The familiar dream fades and I turn over in my sleeping bag, knowing that it must be nearly my turn to take watch, only to see the subject of my grief silently watching me from his sleeping bag a metre away. We stare into each other's eyes, having a thousand wordless conversations, our breathing synchronized, as it had been during those nights a lifetime ago. I am unsurprised at the agony in his gaze, since I know that it is simply a mirror of my own.
His hand is lying in the space between us, and, as if I have no control over it, mine moves towards it, stopping so that the ends of our fingers are just touching. He sighs, maybe in resignation that he can't stop it either, and stretches his arm so that his fingers tangle with mine on the soft earth.
My tears continue to run into the jacket I'm using as a pillow, and I see his eyes fill as he watches me crying. I feel as though my heart is missing, and I see in his eyes that he does as well. I know that my pain hurts him, as his hurts me, but this time we can't take it away. We can't make it better for each other, or even for ourselves: we are no longer Jonah and Thera. We've accepted it because we both know that to stay together we can't be together. We allow ourselves these few moments in the night that can be banished with the morning light, denied until the next time, however futilely.
Our hands part, lying just a few centimeters away from each other as though they'd fallen there by accident, and we both close our eyes and pretend to sleep as we hear Daniel moving towards us to wake me for my watch. I wipe my tears away, and hope that it is dark enough to hide their evidence, but Daniel touches my arm as we pass each other and gives me a sad smile. Carlan saw us together; Carlan knew how happy we were, and exactly how close we were as well, since there were no secrets there, but he was left along with our other lives, and Daniel had left it up to us what to reveal in our mission reports.
I move to the lookout spot we'd decided to use; it has a good view of the campsite and the surrounding area. I know without turning that he has moved so that he can look at me as I sit up alone in the night, lost in his memories of another life, as I will do when he takes the last watch. As we both have done on every mission since we buried Jonah and Thera and their love.
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