I Miss You; I Love You; I'm Sorry
I Miss You; I Love You; I'm Sorry
by Lady S
TITLE: I Miss You; I Love You; I'm Sorry
AUTHOR: Lady S
EMAIL: anywho_sew@yahoo.com
CATEGORY: Future, Sam/Daniel
SPOILERS: Not sure of the title.
SEASON / SEQUEL: Future.
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: male/female relationship
SUMMARY: Sam returns to help out her friends. But will she come back to the SGC after 10 years?
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Insert standard disclaimer here.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I know... I know... I left a lot unsaid. Use your IMAGINATION people!!
SAM
"Ma'am."
Sam watched the young soldier as he tipped his head in her direction while she drove her car past him. Smiling at him she couldn't help but reflect on the last time that she'd been called that by one of his kind. Ten years was a long time. There were times she would forget why she'd left and others when it was poignantly clear. One man, a man she'd swore she wouldn't let under her skin again. It was bad enough when he'd come back the first time. He was gone for so long and when he came back everything was different. Both of their actions determined how it would be between them. He disgusted her. She could barely stand the sight of him anymore. An all he wanted was to get closer, to have her as his. And the General, ten civilian years later and she still couldn't call him by his first name, had welcomed him back spouting words of forgiveness. That was when she left. This man that she had considered her friend stabbed her in the back. 'E'tu...?'
Sam parked her car and headed toward the elevator that would take her into a world she'd tried so hard to forget. Each night though it would creep back into her dreams. Missions with her team, SG-1; working late nights and, more often than she liked to admit, early into the morning on some project in the lab; down time with the guys; late night gossip sessions with Janet. Sam sighed. She missed it so much it hurt. She liked her life, but it wasn't the same. The SGC was her family... her love... her life.
Pushing the button Sam saw the doors close and felt the descent start.
'Down into the depths of hell.' She couldn't help thinking.
When she'd received the call three days ago it hadn't taken her five minutes to find a way here. Even ten years out of the military she still had friends willing to help. So Sam had gotten herself on the plane and halfway to the base before her doubts began to kick in.
'Ten years.' She thought. 'Nothing will be the same. What am I thinking? Like I can just walk back in and solve his problems for him. Why not? I always did before. What if he starts asking me to come back to him? I can't...ever! I don't love him anymore! I haven't for a long time! I love someone else... don't even go there Sam! You know he doesn't want you! Even if he did it's been ten years! I'm sure he's moved on by now.'
The elevator stopped and the doors opened to reveal a deserted hallway. Sam had expected that. She knew where everyone was and that was where she was headed. Following the route as easily as if she'd never left Sam found her way to the control room. There stood the one who'd called her.
"Sam!"
Sam smiled at her friend. They quickly hugged a much-missed hello before breaking to discuss the situation.
"How long has he been in there...Colonel."
Janet smiled at Sam's emphasis on her title. "Since I called you. No one's come out and no one's gone in. I've got the blast doors open and we can see what goes on but other than that we're in a stalemate. He's killing one person every twelve hours until you got here."
Sam closed her eyes. "Who?" she whispered, praying it wasn't...
"Ferretti, Johnson, Likt, Kapps, and Clark." Janet replied, her voice thick with her unshed tears.
Sam opened her eyes her tears spilling out of them, tears of both pain and relief. Going to the corner of the window she peeked down at the gate room. The people were spread all over the room, no one close together and all hands 'cuffed. But Sam saw no dead bodies.
Janet saw the question in her eyes and gave the answer before she could ask. "Two years ago the Tollan's gave us the ability to activate the gate without the computer. He... he was put in charge of it."
Sam swallowed hard. Before she could loose her courage she walked out of the control room and to the door. Janet addressed the room over the loud speaker.
"She's here."
Immediately the door in front of Sam slid open and she walked into the room. Forcing herself to focus on the man standing in front of the gate Sam walked to the edge of the ramp. He looked down at her, a smile forming on his face.
"Samantha... I knew you'd come."
"You left me no choice."
"You could have stayed away."
"I couldn't and you knew that. What do you want?"
"You."
"No."
Sam stared at him wondering how there could have ever been a time when she'd loved him.
"You wouldn't have come if you didn't still care about me."
"I came because you're hurting my friends." Sam paused. Staring up at him she used the best command voice she could muster. "Let them go Jonas."
*** Ten Years Earlier ***
DANIEL
The three of them stood outside the debriefing room, waiting for her to come out. All of them wore a worried look. They'd been pulled back from a mission way too early. Daniel didn't know what it exactly was about but from what he did know it wouldn't be good. He could feel Janet glaring at the door, wishing she could be a fly on the wall of that room. Instead they were forced to stay out in the hall, waiting for Sam to emerge from the room.
"Can you hear anything?" she asked Teal'c for the tenth time in five minutes.
"No." he said, yet again.
Janet threw her hands in the air and resumed pacing the floor. Daniel watched her with his eyes, silently cursing Jack for doing this to them. He was their friend for crying out loud! A little warning would have been nice. Sighing Daniel knew Jack couldn't have done that. Ever since he and Sam had received their dual promotions things had changed. Oh they were still SG-1 but it was different. There were now certain things that Jack couldn't talk about. Daniel had to laugh. General Jonathan 'Jack' O'Neill! He never thought Jack would make it there. He always seemed to breaking the regulations for one reason or another. And yet... it had happened. It wasn't long until he was pulled from field duty and put in charge of the SGC. Hammond was still around and technically in charge but he was more of a headpiece than anything else. Jack ran things and Hammond watched.
The door opening and Sam storming out interrupted Daniel's thoughts. He watched as she marched to the elevators, disappearing into them. Jack stood in the doorway a worried frown on his face.
"What in the heck just happened here?" Janet cried. "Sir?"
Jack swiped a hand over hid tired face. "Carter just quit." He replied.
'Always one for words, eh Jack.' Daniel thought as the news sank in.
"Why?" he asked.
"Danny you know I can't..."
"This is SAM, Jack!" Daniel cried. "Why?"
Jack sighed. "The therapy went well. The president's ordered that we accept him back as an ambassador. Jonas will be here in a week."
All three stared at Jack. Jonas! At the SGC! As though prearranged they turned as one and headed in Sam's direction leaving Jack to return to his desk. As they reached Sam's quarters the door opened and a bag was tossed into the hall. It was followed by another and then by Sam. She stopped still when she saw who stood in front of her. The stared at each other for a moment, the silence deafening. They all knew what had happened and that there was nothing to be done about it. Janet reached out and hugged her teammate, she had replaced Jack, and friend. Teal'c put his hands on her shoulder and looked into her eyes. Nodding his head to her he pulled Sam into a short embrace before they turned and walked away, the pains and tears threatening to break loose. Daniel stared at Sam; his eyes shining with his unshed tears. As if reading her mind he nodded to her. Not saying a word he picked up one of her bags and together they walked to the elevators to go topside. They were silent all the way to her car. Only after the bags were stowed away did he speak.
"I'm gonna miss you Sam."
"Me too." Sam said as she leaned back against her car.
Daniel stood in front of her memorizing her face. There was so much he wanted to say. So much that he didn't know where to start.
"Where will you go?"
Sam shrugged. "I don't know."
Daniel put his finger under her chin and forced he head up. "Write me."
Sam nodded, her tears threatening to spill forth. Before they could she opened her door to get in. Instead of sitting she turned to face Daniel. Quickly she pulled herself to him, kissing his sweet face for the first, and probably last, time. Leaning her head to his she whispered...
"I'm sorry."
Quickly she leapt into her car and drove off her tears choking her. As she reached the gate she stopped to hand in her passes. Slowly she glanced in he rear view mirror. Her heart broke as she saw him; his shoulders slumped, his face dejected, and his eyes wet.
"Thank you..." she whispered, her voice filled with sorrow.
"You're welcome ma'am."
Tears coursing down her cheeks Sam pulled away and left her home.
The years passed quickly for everyone. SGC was threatened with closing several times but each time they were given a generous donation from an un-named source. Daniel saw the check once and recognized the handwriting as Sam's. He knew her writing as well as he knew his own. He memorized each letter she had sent. They had kept in touch and though she spouted happiness he knew she wasn't. Sam had become a world-renowned astrophysicist and lectured all over the world. Once he had caught her on a talk show discussing her new book.
"Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome my next guest, world-renowned astrophysicist, Samantha Carter."
"Thank you, Curtis."
They had discussed her book for a little while, a science book written for everyday people.
"Samantha I have to ask you... how did you stumble upon the idea for this kind of book? What made you write it?"
"Well... I had a dear friend who didn't quite understand everything I say. So I would break it down into bite-size thoughts and give them to him. It helps to explain a lot of things many people wonder about."
"Is he the one you dedicated the book to?"
Sam had smiled at that one.
"One of them, yes."
"It's quite an interesting dedication. S.G.C. Are those his initials?"
"Those are the initials of my family."
Curtis had asked her to go into more detail but Sam declined, a sad smile crossing her face.
Daniel had bought a copy of the book and was reading it when he discovered the hidden message. Hidden in every picture was an Egyptian hieroglyph. When he put them together it was a note.
'I miss you. I love you. I'm sorry.'
It was the same way she ended all of her letters. 'I miss you. I love you. I'm sorry.' Daniel wished he could write her back but she never gave a return address. He knew from Jacob that she was doing well. He also knew that she wasn't happy.
"She's lost her zest for everything. Only when she stares at the stars does she seem the slightest bit happy. They're her link to her friends and family. To you."He had told him before he went back through the gate after a visit.
Daniel knew he wasn't the only one to feel the loss. Teal'c felt it. He never spoke of her in the past tense, always the present. Jack felt it too, and blamed himself for it. But between Daniel, Teal'c Janet, and Sarah he was able to forgive himself. Sara, who worked as a nurse at the SGC, and Jack had re-united five years after Sam had left. She had been invited to the wedding but never came. She did send a gift and a card though, telling them how happy she was for them. Her gift was a small painting, a picture of the gate with everyone's initials as the symbols. Jack, Sara, Janet, Teal'c, Hammond, Cassie, himself... everyone was there. Everyone who had been part of the SG-1 family tree. It hangs behind Jack in his office.
Eventually they had all stepped down from SG-1 and no one replaced it. Daniel still went through the gate but he did so as the head of translation. Teal'c became the head trainer of all new recruits in weapons and fighting, Goa-uld style. They were all still close; every Friday was their get-together night. Cassie would bring her new boyfriend and they'd all talk or play games, but no one ever forgot that Sam was missing. One chair was always empty.
Then it had happened. Jonas. He'd forced everyone into the gate room, sealing the doors and killing one of them every twelve hours. Everyone was 'cuffed and kept away from each other so no one could speak or make plans. He put SG-1 on the ramp with him, just out of the range of the gate...but not by much.
He'd demanded that Sam come to him or he'd continue until everyone was dead, ending with SG-1. Janet hadn't been on base when he'd done this and had managed to get to the control room and contact Sam. Daniel didn't know whom to feel sorrier for- those who were there or those who had to watch.
*** Present ***
SAM
Sam stood at the base of the ramp staring at him. She could feel the tension in her body and hear it in her voice.
"Let them go Jonas."
"No."
Sam scanned the room with her eyes, taking in the eyes and bodies of all those slumped where they were seated. "Let half of them go and we'll talk."
Jonas thought for a moment before agreeing. "Officers stay. Everyone else can go, except Daniel and Teal'c of course."
Pressing a button the doors opened and he motioned for the people to leave. As the last one left the room he shut the doors and tuned to Sam.
"You look beautiful, my love."
Sam forced herself not to wince. "What did you want to talk about Jonas?"
"Us. You will come with me to my castle or I'll kill everyone here."
"That sound like an ultimatum. I thought you wanted to talk."
"You will become my wife. You will rule by my side as my queen."
"And if I choose not to?"
Jonas put his gun to Teal'c's head. "I'll kill them."
Sam closed her eyes for a moment, trying desperately to think of a way out of this. Something came to her from the back of her mind and Sam pounced on it.
"All right, but you have to give me time to get my wedding dress from storage. I can't marry you without the dress you bought me."
Jonas smiled. "You kept it."
"Of course I did. It was a beautiful gift."
"You may get it. But if you are not back in one day I will kill one man every hour."
JANET
Jonas opened the doors and Sam left the room. She motioned for Janet to come with her as she made her way to the labs. As they walked down the hall Sam told her the plan. By the time they reached the labs everything was in motion. An airman had been sent to retrieve the dress in storage in DC while every available airman and marine with gate experience was sent to Area 51 and the other gate. They were decked out in full combat gear and sent to P8JK24 to await the signal. With three hours to go the dress arrived and Janet helped Sam to dress. Sam looked in the mirror and sighed.
"The day I wore this was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. Now it can go either way."
Janet squeezed Sam's shoulders. "If anyone can pull this off... it's you." She said with more confidence than she felt. "God Sam. You look beautiful."
Sam smiled and they added the final 'touch'. Walking down to the gate room Janet separated from Sam to announce that she was ready. The door slid open and Sam stepped through.
DANIEL
Sam entered the gate room and Daniel's breath caught in his throat. She was beautiful. Enchanting. Not even Daniel could think of the right word. Her dress was cream with pale pink roses bunched at her side. Her headpiece was a floral wreath with ribbons streaming from it. Sam approached the ramp and Jonas' eyes were glued to Sam for her entire approach.
SAM
Sam kept her eyes on Jonas, not allowing herself to think about how this could blow up in her face. When she reached the bottom of the ramp Sam knew that Janet had sent the signal. She could feel the buzz of the vibrating beeper at her knee. She had just a few seconds. Sam went up to Jonas and took his hand in hers. Before he could move Sam slapped the handcuffs on hers and his wrist and another set connecting her other wrist to the rail of the ramp. Sam saw the questions being raised in everyone's eye but had to ignore them.
"What are you doing?" Jonas asked.
"Release my friends." Sam said simply.
"Why should I?"
Before Sam replied the gate activated. Jonas turned, his eyes wide, trying to shut the iris but the codes Sam had put into the computer prevented the iris from closing.
"What have you done!?" he cried. Putting his gun to her temple he ordered her to set them free.
"I would rather die than be your wife. Release my friends or we die... right here at the SGC."
Jonas sneered at her. "You wouldn't kill yourself."
"Why not? I've got nothing outside the SGC."
Jack looked at her, new questions in his eyes.
Jonas stared at her before trying to get the 'cuffs off. "Let me go!"
"Release my friends."
"Chevron four locked in place!" Janet called from the control room.
Frantically Jonas worked on the 'cuffs, trying to release himself.
"Chevron five locked in place!"
The officers stared at Sam, each one wondering how she was able to remain so calm. Jonas continued to struggle with the 'cuffs and threaten Sam.
"Chevron six!"
Sam looked at Jonas, waiting patiently.
"Sam! Please!" he pleaded. "All right! All right!" Jonas tossed the keys to Jack and as he did so Sam unlocked the set connecting her to the rail. Just as the final chevron locked into place and the gate opened Sam dove from the ramp taking Jonas with her. By the time he recovered the room was filled with armed men and women, each weapon aimed at Jonas. His shoulder slumped Jonas was led away, muttering about his eternal love for Sam.
JACK
"Carter..." he said to the woman seated across from him.
Sam held up a hand to silence him. "It's okay, Sir."
"No... it's not okay. Sam if I hadn't of let him come back this never would have happened. We never would have lost you. I'm... God Sam I'm so sorry!"
Jack got up from his chair and took Sam into his arms.
"I'm so sorry."
Sam hugged him back and said "I'm glad everything's okay."
"Not quite."
Sam looked at him curiously.
"Come back Carter. Come back to us."
"No... I don't want to join the military again. I like being a civilian. No one to order me around!" she joked.
"Then come back as a civilian. Head of Science Labs. Please..." he said looking her straight in the eyes. "SGC just isn't the same without you."
Sam smiled. Holding out her hand they shook hands to seal the deal. Arm in arm they emerged, laughing, from his office to face a group of people led by five who looked ready to kill.
"Well...?!"
"Ladies and gentlemen... I'd like you to meet the new head of the Science Labs."
Cheers erupted that some swore could be heard topside.
DANIEL
They were all lounging at Jacks, the celebration done, resting. Sam watched with a smile as Teal'c and Janet cuddled in one corner of the couch. Cassie had already left with her boyfriend. Sam had been speechless with that one. Cassie... little Cassie... her Cassie... 'Wow I feel old!' she'd said after Cassie was out the door.
Daniel hadn't been able to take his eyes off of her the entire night. His smile never left his face. When she wasn't able to keep her eyes open any longer he offered to drive her back to the base. Sam snuggled down into the passenger seat and watched Daniel's profile as he drove. Every now and then he would glance at her and smile softly. As they reached the base he saw that she was asleep. Gently he picked her up and carried Sam to his quarters. Laying her on the bed he covered her with a blanket and turned to shut off the light when he felt a hand on his arm. Looking down he saw Sam's sleepy eyes looking back up at him.
"Don't leave." She whispered.
Daniel kissed her forehead and lay down next to her pulling her into his arms. Her scent filled his senses and both Sam and Daniel fell to sleep... smiling for the first time in ten years.
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