Running
Running
by L.E McMurray
Summary: Unable to stop, always running.
Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Smarm
Episode Related: 001 Stargate - The Movie, 101 Children of the Gods, 204 The Gamekeeper, 310 Forever in a Day, 413 The Curse
Season: Season 3
Pairing: Daniel/Share, Daniel/other
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 09/12/03
Author's Notes:-Thanks to Stonedtoad for betaing.
Makes reference to my story The History Of Coffee but there is no need to have read it.
Daniel slammed the door behind him trying very hard not lose his temper any more than he already had. He'd been called plenty of names in his time but never by someone he admired and looked up to.
"Idiot."
The memory sounded in his head, Dr Jordan's voice was as clear as it had been when he shouted it at him.
Daniel clenched his fists, he was right, he knew he was right but people just seemed to be blind to what was glaringly obvious to him.
"Daniel, you are supposed to be a genius," Sarah had told him when he explained his theories to her, "You have to see you'll be a laughing stock, your credibility will be shot."
"Sarah, I'm right," Daniel replied, "I have evidence to back up everything."
"What about us?" Sarah ignored him, "We'll be tarnished by this too. Don't you care?"
It was at that moment he made the decision to present his theories to the academic community.
Sarah didn't care about him; she cared only about her precious career and how she would look to others. She always had. Anytime they went out she always tried to make him wear something different from what he had flung on. Sarah didn't care how many long nights he'd spent trying to work out his theory in minute detail so that everything was backed up with hard evidence.
It was all so simple, so why was he the only one who saw it.
Dropping onto his bed Daniel closed his eyes and fell asleep working out his lecture.
Daniel sighed as he finished packing. The one good thing that had come from growing up in foster care meant he was always ready to move on at short notice.
He didn't bother looking around one last time because he didn't feel attached to the small apartment in any way. He didn't have a home, since that day in the museum when an accident deprived a young boy of the two people he loved the most, the two people who loved and cared for him, his beloved parents Daniel Jackson kept his ties minimal.
He did care about Sarah but not enough to change who he was. He had distanced himself from Dr Jordan, Steven and Sarah before giving his lecture because he cared for them, not that any of them realised.
The rain was battering down on the streets making Daniel sigh, he had nowhere to go and wandering the streets in the rain was not something he was looking forward to doing.
Daniel groaned as he gathered his meagre belongings together, he was sure Robert was in the country and if he wasn't Daniel had the address of his mother's friend Dr Maxwell. He didn't like using his mother's friendship with the man but if it got him out of the rain it would be worth it. He would be able to find work quickly he was sure of it.
This was not how he'd imagined his life would turn out. After an awful childhood he'd hoped for a slightly better life as an adult.
"Well Sarah," he sighed, "I guess you got your wish. I lost everything cause of my theories."
With another deep sigh he walked out into the torrential rain.
Daniel pulled off his sweatshirt dropping it on the bench and placed his glasses on top of it before he started to run the track near Cheyenne Mountain. He was trying to clear his head so he could figure out the secret of the cover stone. It was almost two weeks since he'd first seen it and he'd had very little sleep as his mind raced.
He'd only emerged from the depths of the mountain after Catherine had appeared and told him he needed fresh air. It was only because she'd seemed so concerned about his well-being and he was loath to upset her that Daniel had decided to go for a run.
*
When he was in school he'd never been very athletic but he was thin and wiry. One of the teachers suggested he take up track so he could at least pass the class and he reluctantly agreed. To his surprise he found he liked it. Running cleared his head and gave him the sense of freedom he craved. Years later he still enjoyed running around a track with only the wind for company.
*
Looking across the field he could see a lone figure watching him. Without his glasses he couldn't make out the features but the stance and the cigarette smoke that drifted over to him identified the watcher as the hard-nosed Colonel O'Neill.
Daniel felt a shiver run down his back as the man's dark brown eyes bore into him.
"Ignore him," Daniel told himself, "Don't let him get to you."
Daniel finished his final two laps before stretching to cool down still feeling the other man watching him. Grabbing his glasses he slipped them on before tying the sweatshirt around his waist and heading back down into the mountain to get some food.
*
"Hey there," Barbara, one of the other scientists waved him to her table, "You actually know where this place is."
Daniel gave a soft laugh, "I asked directions."
Barbara grinned, "I was looking for you earlier to see if you'd found anything but for once you weren't locked away with that thing."
"Catherine guilted me into going outside," he shrugged digging into his food, "I went for a run."
"So restocking the energy supplies," Barbara nodded at his plate.
"That and I haven't eaten..." he trailed off too late.
"I knew it," she cried, "No wonder you're a scrawny thing Dr Jackson. You need to eat more."
"I eat enough," he shrugged, "I just sort of lost track of time trying to figure that thing out. It's...I don't know spellbinding."
"In other words," Barbara laughed, "You're obsessed. Like the rest of us."
Daniel laughed, "I guess so. I'm going to figure it out."
"I don't doubt it Doctor Jackson," Barbara smiled at him as she stood up, "I have to go. Maybe I'll catch you in here again?"
Daniel sat down and watched his bride as she worked on her daily chores. He'd been here for over a month now and was looking for something, anything to do but found absolutely nothing. Basically for the first time in a long time he was bored and at a loose end.
Pulling himself up off the soft sand he walked over to where Sha're sat grinding flour.
"Dan'iel," she smiled reaching out to gently touch his cheek when he sat beside her, "Is something wrong?"
"Not exactly," he replied catching her hand and gently kissing her palm, "I'm just a little bored and I was hoping you'd find me something to do."
"Like what?" Sha're asked slightly confused.
"I don't know," he shrugged before looking down at what she was doing, "Teach me how to do this."
Sha're smiled, "Alright."
She showed him how to sit and smiled as he made a complete mess on his first go, "Try again Dan'iel."
Laughter sounded near them and they turned to see Skaara and several of his friends watching and laughing at Daniel's attempts.
Sha're stood up and shouted at them her words a little too fast for Daniel whose grasp on the language although good was still tenuous at times but he got her meaning. They were to go away and leave them alone.
*
It was much later and they were still sitting now alone.
Daniel sighed at the mess in front of him, "I don't think I'm very good at this."
Sha're suddenly started laughing, "I am sorry Dan'iel," she giggled at his hurt look, "But you have been trying all day. I don't think you're ever going to get this."
Daniel sighed in frustration and dropped the grinding stone, "There has to be something for me to do."
Sha're frowned seeing the despair fill her husband's eyes. Moving so she was sitting facing him she took his hands in hers, "What is wrong my Husband?"
"I need something to do Sha're," Daniel told her, "I can't just sit around and do nothing all day, my mind doesn't work like that."
"Your mind?"
Daniel rubbed the bridge of his nose, "All my life I've studied and learned and had things that..."
"That allowed your incredible brain to sparkle," Sha're smiled.
"If you want to put it that way," Daniel grimaced, "But here...don't get me wrong Sha're, I love being here, I love being with you but you have things you have to do during the day, I don't."
"We shall find something for you to do my Dan'iel," Sha're promised giving him a gentle kiss, "Now come, it is time for dinner and Father will be wondering where we are."
*
"Dan'iel."
"Yes love," Daniel breathed as they lay wrapped around each other in their home.
"I have been thinking about what you said earlier," Sha're turned so she was facing him, "And I thought of the cave."
"Which cave are you talking about?" he asked with a teasing grin, "Where we first talked or were we first..." he trailed off pressing his lips to hers.
Sha're giggled as they parted, "The first one. I remember you found it...fascinating," she smiled at her understatement.
"Just a little," Daniel smiled snuggling against her.
"Well, I remember hearing tales," Sha're continued, "Of more caves like that. I have never been able to find them but then I have had neither the time nor the skill."
"I could," Daniel smiled in thought, "I mean I have a starting point and the tales of the elders could give me a direction," he stopped and stared at her with a huge grin, "Sha're, you are a genius."
His wife wrapped her arms around his neck, "I expect to be thanked properly for my idea."
"I think I can do that," Daniel murmured leaning closer into her, "I love you."
"I love you too," Sha're captured his mouth with hers and pulled him into a passionate embrace.
Daniel's legs burned but he didn't stop. Stopping meant his mind would start and he couldn't deal with that just now.
He'd been around the track at least ten times so far ready to do another ten if only it would let him fall unconscious with exhaustion so he wouldn't dream. He couldn't dream about what had just happened, he didn't even want to think about it.
"Daniel," Jack appeared beside him, "Stop."
"No," Daniel replied coldly.
"Daniel, you're still recovering from that burn you have to stop," Jack growled.
"Go to hell Jack," Daniel sped up to get away from his team leader.
Daniel could feel Jack's eyes following him as he made another circuit not really surprised when Jack grabbed him on his next pass.
"Daniel stop," Jack gripped his shoulders, "You're going to do yourself an injury."
"Leave me alone," Daniel pulled himself out of Jack's hold falling back onto the ground, "Why can't you just leave me alone?" his tears fell along his cheeks as his voice broke, "Leave me alone."
"Danny," Jack knelt beside the broken hearted archaeologist, "Let me help you."
"God, I just want to be left alone," Daniel cried, "I need to...to..." he trailed off and leaned back on the ground closing his eyes, "Running just lets it go, just for a while."
"I remember you doing that before we went to Abydos," Jack said trying to find some way to get Daniel to start talking.
Daniel sat up and pulled his knees up to his chest, "I always seem to be running in one way or another."
Jack frowned, "What do you mean?"
"The moment I was free of the system I never stayed anywhere for very long," Daniel explained, "I studied, I got what I needed and I left."
"So you moved around a lot," Jack shrugged.
"I never had any permanence in my life," Daniel continued shivering now his body had started to cool down, "I never really had anything. I studied, I worked and I ran to stop myself being hungry."
Jack managed to move Daniel from his spot on the ground feeling the cold flesh of his arm as they walked back towards the mountain but through it all he stayed silent so Daniel would continue his tale. He'd never known about this part of his friend's life.
"When I was in Chicago I think that was the longest I'd stayed anywhere but soon I was running again," Daniel sighed, "My theories made me pull away so I wouldn't hurt the reputation of the others I worked with."
He unconsciously flinched as the memory of Jordan's voice returned, "Idiot."
Jack taking the flinch for a chill threw his jacket around Daniel's shoulders as they moved deeper into Cheyenne Mountain.
"I got myself an apartment in LA while I finished my work on my theories before I presented them," Daniel broke his silence after a few minutes, "Then I was kicked out of that but I was ready to leave at a moments notice as always."
They finally reached Daniel's office and Daniel dropped into his chair, Jack taking the spare one.
"Once I got here," Daniel went on, "I didn't expect anything and then I was on Abydos and I stopped running."
Daniel reached out and picked up the picture that had graced his desk for over two and a half years, "She was to be the person I spent forever with," he whispered gently tracing the outline of Sha're's face, "With her I stopped. Abydos felt permanent."
"Daniel..." Jack started.
"Why Jack?" Daniel demanded, "Why me? Why couldn't I just for once not lose everything?"
Jack felt his breath catch as it looked like Daniel was about to slam her picture to the ground but instead he gently placed his wife's picture back in its place.
"Why can't I just stop?" Daniel's tears slipped along his cheeks.
Jack moved and caught his friend in a tight hug, "You have. Daniel, stop here. We're your family; we're a permanent part of your life. I know you miss her and you always will but you're not alone Daniel."
Jack pushed Daniel back so he was looking directly at him, "Stop running."
Daniel sighed wiping away the tears from his red-rimmed eyes, "I don't know if I can," he whispered before looking back at his best friend, "But I'll try."
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