Where Is Love
Where Is Love
by L. E McMurray
Title: Where Is Love
Author: L. E McMurray
Email: louiseellen@mcmurrayc.fsnet.co.uk
Category: Angst, MissingScene/Epilogue
Episode related: 217 Serpents Song, 313 The Devil you know 2
Season: Season 3
Pairing: Daniel/Share
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Summary: Trying to come to terms with Apophis still being alive Daniel takes some time on Abydos.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Authors Notes: - I've never seen anyone deal with Daniel's feelings that Apophis was still alive so I thought I'd do it. Thanks to Stonedtoad for betaing and constant offers of therapy. All feedback is welcome
Daniel dropped onto the bunk on the ship and pulled his knees to his chest resting his head on his arms as Jack asked for water. Sam and Jacob sat planning their vacation in a cold climate while Martouf and Teal'c helped Jack's leg.
"After we've eaten," Martouf said as he handed out ration packs, "I suggest we all get some rest. It'll be at least half a day before we arrive back on Vorash."
"Tok'ra Air," Jack sighed, "What a way to travel."
Teal'c gave an almost unnoticeable smile while Sam chuckled slightly.
"You must be ill Jack," Jacob murmured, "Complimenting the Tok'ra."
"I don't like the Tok'ra's attitude," Jack replied, "But you guys sure know how to travel in style."
Jacob laughed before he started to cough. Sam gently rubbed his back soothingly until the coughing fit subsided.
"I'm okay," he squeezed her hand, "But I think sleeping will let Selmac repair any damage better than if we chat the night away."
Sam gave him a smile helping him over to the empty bunk grabbing a jacket for his pillow and a blanket to cover him. When he was comfortable Sam touched his arm.
"Dad?"
"Yeah Sammie?"
"Can I..." she trailed off.
"Want a cuddle from your old man?" he asked.
She nodded grateful when he drew the blanket back. She lay beside him suddenly feeling like a little girl again.
"You haven't done this since you were five," Jacob said softly.
"That stuff made me feel it again," she whispered closing her eyes, "Goodnight Dad."
"Night sweetheart."
Sam opened her eyes happy to see her father still asleep beside her. Jack was tossing restlessly while Teal'c was meditating nearby. Martouf was sleeping peacefully in a corner; Aldwyn must have been piloting the ship. Sam frowned seeing who was missing. Daniel.
She slid out from under the blanket trying to remember if he'd said anything since they'd left Netu. She had been so focussed on her father she couldn't remember but she was certain Daniel should be sleeping. Quietly she slipped out of the main chamber into the corridor leading down to the engine room. Her attention was caught by a soft shuddering intake of breath.
"Daniel," she said softly walking over to where he sat curled against the wall.
His head came up sharply revealing red-rimmed eyes. He started to say something but just shook his head as a small tear rolled along his cheek.
"I'm so sorry," Sam whispered enfolding him in her arms, "I am so sorry."
Daniel's whole body was shuddering as he tried not to lose control but as Sam rocked him he found himself unable to hold it in. After crying for a few minutes he pulled away.
"Thanks," he murmured, "I'm going to try and sleep."
Sam watched as he headed back to where everyone else was.
"Is Dr Jackson alright?" Aldwyn asked softly.
"Discovering Apophis alive just sort of hit him hard," Sam replied before yawning, "I'm going to go get some more sleep."
Aldwyn nodded, "Goodnight Major."
"Goodnight."
Hammond looked surprised as Daniel walked into his office.
"Dr Jackson," he greeted him, "I thought you were in the infirmary."
"Dr Fraiser finished my check and is checking Jack," Daniel gave a soft smile, "Sam and Teal'c are there bearing the brunt of his bad humour."
"How can I help you?" Hammond asked.
Daniel licked his lips nervously, "I was wondering since we have some time off...Sam is going away with Jacob and I was wondering if..." he frowned annoyed at himself.
"What would you like to ask Dr Jackson?" Hammond asked him pointedly.
"I'd like to take my time-off on Abydos," Daniel said.
Hammond looked at him concerned, "Colonel O'Neill mentioned something about you and Teal'c staying with him."
"Sir, it's been some time since I last saw Kasuf," Daniel said quietly, "I would like to go see him."
"Dr Jackson, it is well known you have a price on your head just like every member of SG1," Hammond stated, "Going to Abydos alone..."
"Sir, I lived there for over a year," Daniel replied, "I know the people, I can blend in. Please. I just want to visit the only family I have left."
Hammond nodded, "How long do you need to get your things together?"
"About an hour," Daniel told him.
"Then you leave in an hour," Hammond said.
"Thank you," Daniel said sincerely before he walked out to get his things.
Hammond watched him go with a sad sigh, "He's not your only family son. I wonder when you'll realise that."
Daniel sighed softly as he stepped out the Gate onto Abydos. He had made Hammond promise not to tell the rest of SG1 where he was unless they specifically asked him and now Daniel was standing in the one place he thought of as home.
Drawing his hood over his head he hoisted the small bag he was carrying onto a more comfortable position on his shoulder and started the long walk to the town. The midday sun beat down on him but it was comforting. He missed this place so much and the people who lived here. The peaceful existence he'd had here seemed just like a dream these days that returning was the only way he could reconnect with it.
At the Gates he was met by several of the boys who fought against Ra with them. One of the boys broke from the group and disappeared.
"Dan'iel?" Kasuf cried in amazement as he walked out to see what all the fuss was about.
"Hello Kasuf," Daniel greeted him quietly, "I hope you don't mind me not calling ahead."
With a laugh Kasuf pulled Daniel into a paternal embrace, "It is good to have you here again Good Son."
"It's good to be home," Daniel replied closing his eyes and relaxing into the hug, "It's so good to be home."
Daniel lay back in his bed amazed at the mixture of emotions that being here had sprung on him. Kasuf had told him he could stay elsewhere but Daniel wanted to stay in the home he'd shared with his wife.
Kasuf had changed nothing with the exception of what he had sent to Daniel. Sha're's presence lingered like a ghost. He kept expecting her to appear from the next room absently brushing out her hair before bed singing to herself. A sharp pain bit through him as he turned to where she used to lie beside him. With a sigh he closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep.
*"You are finally awake," Sha're teased him when he opened his eyes.
"It's not that late, is it?" he asked looking up at her in wonder.
"No my husband," she smiled, "I have just been awake for a while."
"Husband," he mused, "I like when you call me that."
"Really?" she asked with a gentle smile.
Daniel softly kissed her, "Yes," he propped himself up on his elbow trailing his fingers along her cheek, "It's hard to believe that this time four days ago I had nothing. Now I have a home, a family and the most incredible woman lying beside me."
"I love you Dan'iel," she murmured as she leaned in to kiss him.
"I love you too Sha're," he replied, "My wonderful, wonderful wife."*
Daniel found he didn't want to move just lying here was bringing back so many wonderful memories that he wanted to immerse himself in them. But Kasuf was expecting him for breakfast so reluctantly he got up and walked out into the cool morning air.
"Good morning," Kasuf greeted him as he sat down, "How did you sleep?"
Daniel shrugged, "It's nice to be home."
They sat talking quietly as they ate breakfast before Kasuf was to go to a meeting of the Elders.
"I'm just going to go for a walk," Daniel told him, "I'll see you tonight."
Kasuf nodded as the young man disappeared through the crowd. His sadness was apparent but he obviously wished to spend time with places that gave him happy memories and Kasuf didn't want to spoil that for him.
"Teal'c, you don't have to stay here," Jack said hoping to get rid of the Jaffa, "Isn't there something you want to do?"
"I am perfectly content," Teal'c said with a maddening calmness.
"What if I order you to leave me alone?" Jack asked hopefully.
"It is my understanding that in matters of a medical nature Dr Fraiser outranks you," Teal'c said, "Am I correct?"
"Yes," Jack sighed.
"She has ordered that you are not to be left alone until your leg has healed completely," Teal'c told him, "Therefore you cannot order me to leave."
Jack muttered slightly to himself as he went to get a drink, "What did Carter say when she phoned?" he called back to his friend.
"She and General Carter are enjoying their time off," Teal'c stated, "But she was wanting to know how Daniel Jackson was."
"She's not the only one," Jack muttered, "I wonder where he's gone? He's not at the base, he's not at home, he's not here. Where did he go?"
Teal'c frowned, "He spoke of several exhibitions at the museum he wished to see but I had also wished to see them. He would not go without consulting if I wanted to join him."
"He barely said one word since we left Netu," Jack said, "Sam said he was pretty upset that night. I wish I knew if he was okay."
"It is possible he is spending time alone with his thoughts," Teal'c suggested.
"Or he could have gone to see Catherine," Jack realised, "Hand me the phone."
Teal'c did so waiting patiently as Jack impatiently waited for Catherine to answer the phone.
"Hi Catherine, it's Jack O'Neill," Jack said, "Look have you seen Daniel recently?" he tilted his head as he listened to Catherine's answer, "No, there's nothing wrong," Jack assured her, "It's just we had a few days off and every time I ring him he's not there. He mentioned he had been meaning to go see you and Ernest," he gave a laugh, "I'll tell him to get in touch when I find him. Thanks Catherine. Bye."
He hung up and sighed.
Teal'c looked at him, "She has not seen him?"
"Nope," Jack sighed, "Where the hell is he?"
"Perhaps he informed General Hammond of where he was going," Teal'c suggested, "Or Dr Fraiser."
"So someone could find him," Jack thought about it, "Okay, get the car and we'll head back to the base."
Daniel sat on the sand dunes watching the sun set. He wrapped his arms around his knees resting his chin on them. The past few days had been peaceful, restful and he'd managed to come to terms with what he was feeling about Apophis still being alive.
Daniel hoped he'd been killed in the explosion that had destroyed Netu but part of him doubted that.
Martouf had told them Sokar would most likely revive and torture Apophis but he had hoped that Sokar would leave Apophis dead.
Suddenly it occurred to him just how much about himself had changed over the past few years. He'd never wished anyone dead before, he never thought like that.
"You're becoming very cold-blooded Jackson," he told himself, "I guess I have a good reason though."
Seeing the last few rays disappear he sighed. They'd done this their last night together, they sat watching the sun go down before walking home hand in hand to make love. Daniel sighed deeply.
*"Dan'iel," Skaara called urgently as he came running up the hill to join him, "Sha're is looking for you and she didn't look too pleased."
"Great I'm in trouble," he smiled, "Where is she?"
"At the Pyramid," Skaara grinned, "I didn't ask what she wanted I was ordered to find you and did as I was told."
Daniel laughed, "Your sister knows how to order people around."
"Would you have her any other way?" Skaara asked mischievously.
"Never," Daniel smiled, "And neither would you."
They came to the pyramid finally and Skaara stopped.
"Aren't you coming in?" Daniel asked confused.
"I saw the look on her face when I was ordered to find you," Skaara told him, "I'm making sure I am far away before you see her."
"Thanks for the support," Daniel grimaced before he walked in to see why his wife was so mad at him. As he walked into the chamber where the Stargate stood he stopped seeing Sha're sitting with a meal prepared.
"What..." he started.
"Happy Birthday my Dan'iel," Sha're smiled at him.
"How did you know?" Daniel asked in confusion.
Sha're laughed standing up and kissing him softly, "You talk in your sleep my husband."
Staring at her in absolute wonder Daniel suddenly laughed, "You are incredible. Thank you, Sha're."
"Do you not celebrate your birthday?" she asked.
"Not for a long time," he told her.
"Well now you shall celebrate every year," Sha're slipped her arms around his neck drawing him even closer, "And if you won't I will."*
Daniel sighed, his team made him celebrate his birthday every year but nothing could compare to that day. He gave a small bitter laugh; he'd missed this year's birthday by being in 'Hell'. Thinking about it he frowned, it had been the day when they found out Apophis was alive.
"Wonderful present right there," he muttered, "Someone up there has a real sick sense of humour."
Realising there was very little light left Daniel made his way back home.
"He's where?" Jack snapped.
"Dr Jackson requested to be able to take his leave on Abydos," Hammond said, "I agreed."
"On his own?" Jack demanded, "Sir this is Daniel we're talking about."
"Colonel O'Neill," Hammond snapped, "Dr Jackson is a most capable individual who survived in conditions very like Abydos for years before meeting you. He lived on that planet for a year and both the people and Kasuf shall not let any harm come to him."
Jack sighed, "Why didn't he tell us he was going?"
"He feared you would try to stop him or go with him," Hammond said, "He wanted to be alone."
"The discovery that Apophis was still alive must have hurt him deeply," Teal'c noted, "None of us caught it."
"Oh God," Jack groaned, "We were all so wrapped up in other things none of us thought about it. There's one more thing."
"What?" Teal'c looked at him concerned.
"Anybody checked the date?" Jack asked, "Cause counting back guess what day it was when we discovered Apophis alive?"
"What?" Hammond asked.
"Daniel's birthday," Jack sighed, "We forgot about it."
"Daniel Jackson does not like celebrating his birthday," Teal'c said.
"Yeah, but us forgetting will hurt him," Jack said, "Daniel won't say anything but it will have cut."
"Colonel," Hammond told him, "Unless there is a necessity here then I am not authorising you or any of your team to go to Abydos after him. Dr Jackson is due back in two days."
"Yes sir," Jack sighed.
*The fire danced casting shadows across the night sand. Gentle music played all around them and Daniel watched as Sha're danced softly to the music. Her eyes were closed while she swayed to the beat. Sha're looked up to see him watching her and motioned him to join her. Daniel started to walk slowly towards his wife. The moment he reached her Sha're wrapped her arms around his waist pressing against him moving him to the music with her. Daniel leaned over and tried to kiss her but Sha're dodged his kiss with a laugh. She kept her body pressed to his teasing as they danced. Daniel leaned over to kiss her again, Sha're laughed allowing him only a brief kiss to her cheek.
Finally she relented and kissed him eagerly holding him against her tightly.
"I love you Dan'iel," she murmured in his ear sending shivers along his spine.
Daniel smiled and took her hand leading her to their home.*
The ground started shaking forcing Daniel awake.
"What the hell?" he muttered scrambling to the door to see what was happening, "Oh God," he breathed horrified seeing a ship hovering above them.
"Dan'iel," Kasuf came running to him, "A Goa'uld vessel approaches. You must hide."
"Do we know who it is?" Daniel asked.
Kasuf shook his head, "Dan'iel, you must keep yourself hidden. I cannot lose any more of my children. Please keep yourself away from harm Dan'iel."
Daniel squeezed the old mans arm, "I have to know who it is. Keep everyone safe," he said, "I'll keep my head down."
With that he threw his hood over his head and started for the pyramid. He dived behind the dunes hearing someone coming close. Looking up he saw the mark of Sokar.
"Sokar?" he murmured before he saw the Gould in charge coming out of the ship, "No," Daniel had to bite his hand to stop himself from screaming as Apophis strolled out of the pyramid.
He followed them keeping himself hidden crawling through the sand the way Skaara and the boys had taught him.
He hoped to hell that Kasuf was safe and not the target Apophis wanted. The child was no longer here; Apophis knew that.
Where is the child? Apophis screamed at him.
No, Apophis knew Sha're's son was no longer here. He wasn't after Kasuf. Then what?
"Sha're," Daniel whispered sickened seeing them stop at the marker for her grave, "No."
Horror filled him as he watched Apophis' Jaffa start to dig. Daniel could only observe frustrated as Apophis smiled when her body was lifted from the ground.
"Yes," Apophis smiled, "Take your Queen back to my ship," he ordered, "She shall rise again, just as I have."
Daniel found himself suddenly in the direct path of the Jaffa. Pulling his hood over his head and his cloak around him tightly he burrowed under the sand managing to become just another bump that they walked right by.
Tears streaked down his cheeks as he waited for them to leave. This couldn't be happening, this couldn't. Before he could do anything the ship left leaving him lying on the sand watching.
"Kasuf," Daniel cried as he ran through the gates, "Kasuf."
"What is wrong Dan'iel?" Kasuf came running over to him worried, "What happened?"
"It was Apophis," Daniel said knowing his tears were visible, "They took her. God Kasuf they took her."
Kasuf caught Daniel as he collapsed holding him as his pain and anger flooded out.
"He's bringing her back to life," Daniel gasped through his tears, "He's going to hurt her again."
Kasuf held the young man waiting as his grief poured out.
"Dan'iel, you must inform your friends of what has happened," Kasuf told him, "They need to know my son."
Daniel nodded pulling himself together, "I'm sorry. I'd better get back to Earth as soon as possible."
"It's an SG1 iris code," the tech told Jack when the Stargate burst open.
"Open it," Jack said, "That should be Daniel finally."
He headed into the Gateroom where Teal'c, Sam and Jacob joined him. They waited as the Iris spun away from the Gate before Daniel suddenly appeared looking fraught.
"Daniel?" Jack asked worriedly.
"He survived the explosion," Daniel burst out, "He's in control of Sokar's forces and he took her."
"Daniel, who?" Jack asked slowly and deliberately.
"Apophis," Daniel stated coldly, "He took Sha're's body from Abydos. I saw it and I couldn't do a thing to stop him."
Jack gently placed an arm around the younger man's shoulder and herded him up to the briefing room.
"Come on Daniel," Jack said softly, "You can explain everything."
They sat in silence.
Jack had taken Daniel to get cleaned up and get some food.
"So," Hammond said finally, "Jacob, what is your take on this?"
"I'll talk to the Tok'ra Council," Jacob said, "But Apophis has just returned. It could take us months till we get an operative inside his court. George, it could take us even longer till we find out whether she's alive or not, if Ammonet is still in her or if we can get her out."
"Poor Daniel," Sam sighed, "First Apophis alive then this. He must be devastated."
"Daniel Jackson is strong," Teal'c said, "He will find the strength and we shall help him."
"Teal'c is right," Jacob said, "Look Daniel can survive this if he has his friends around him. I'll go back and talk to Garshaw straight away. I'll do what I can."
"Thanks Jacob," Daniel said from the door, "I know you will."
Two days had passed since Daniel had returned from Abydos and he had sequestered himself in his office. Jack knew it was time now to get him out.
"Hey," Jack said from the door of Daniel's office, "Busy?"
"Not really," Daniel sighed leaning back in his chair, "I'm staring at these and they're just merging into one big blur."
"How you doing?" Jack sat in the spare seat.
Daniel shrugged, "I'm okay."
"How do you really feel?" Jack asked pointedly.
"Like I'm back at square one," Daniel sighed, "Kasuf has placed his complete trust in me. Like that's a good thing."
"Daniel, you did the right thing," Jack told him, "You kept your head down and made sure you were alive to do something about it."
Daniel nodded.
"Come on," Jack pulled him to a stand, "Let's get out of here."
Without resistance Daniel went with him but before he was pulled out of his room he caught a glimpse of Sha're's picture. Her trusting smile gave him new strength; this time he'd find her.
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