Barrier
Barrier
by L.E McMurray
Title: Barrier
Author: L.E McMurray
Email: louiseellen@mcmurray.fsnet.co.uk
Category: Angst, Romance
Episode related: 204 The Gamekeeper, 321 Crystal Skull, 413 The Curse
Season: Season 1
Pairing: Daniel/Share, none
Rating: G
Warnings: none
Summary: Daniel and Sha're's marriage is in trouble.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Daniel watched Sha're as she made herself ready for bed. She refused to look at him and he knew he deserved her resentment. What he said to her earlier that day had made her stare at him in horror before she just left the room in anger.
How could he be so stupid as to upset her like that, he loved her so much but he didn't know how to open up. He knew Sha're was angry with him but he didn't know how to apologise. He'd never been in this kind of relationship before where one word could sting so badly.
As she joined him in their bed Sha're turned her back on him and curled away from him. Daniel very gently reached out to touch her shoulder but Sha're slapped his hand away from her.
"I may be lying here," she said coldly, "We may be married but I do not want you to touch me."
Daniel sighed but couldn't reply as she blew out the candle.
Sha're lay with her back to her husband tears sliding down her cheeks. They had been married for a month and he seemed to have become bored with her. He continually avoided her eyes, avoided her attempts to talk to him and he would never talk about himself. He didn't want her to know him.
She felt his warm breath on the back of her neck and knew he wasn't sleeping either. Just a week before this would have meant they would be lost in each other's arm but not now.
"I never seem to be able to talk to you when you're awake," Daniel's gentle whisper came from behind her, "Maybe I can try now. God, I can't believe I've managed to screw this up so quickly."
Sha're felt him touch her shoulder but didn't move in case he realised she was still awake. She wanted to know what he was going to say.
"All my life," he continued, "I've been so alone. After my parents died nobody wanted me as I grew up I spent all my time trying not to let anyone in."
He sighed stopping, Sha're moved slightly hoping he would continue. He never spoke to her about himself this was her opportunity to discover more.
"Then you came into my life and I want to tell you Sha're," he said, "I want to be able to let you in but I don't know how."
Sha're turned to him, "You can start by speaking to me."
"Sha're..." he stuttered, "I...I didn't realise you...you were awake."
She sat up, "Well I am."
"Sha're," he started to sit too but knowing she needed the advantage here Sha're pushed him to lie down again before sliding to sit on his chest.
"Now, you are going to listen to me," she told him sternly, "And you are not going to just hide away as you usually do."
Daniel looked up seeing the faint outline of her face from the lights outside, "Sha're, I don't..."
"You don't want to talk?" she snapped, "You were talking a great deal when you thought I wasn't listening. So you are going to talk to me."
Daniel sighed and closed his eyes not sure what to say. They stayed in silence for almost ten minutes Daniel trying desperately to think of something to say.
"You chose to stay here Dan'iel," Sha're reminded him breaking the silence, "Was it just a game? You know how to return to your home anytime you want," anguish filled her voice, "Am I just a distraction? Play with me for a while then go back to your world of wonders?"
"No!!!" he cried in horror, "Sha're, I would never..."
"You only seem interested in certain parts of our marriage," she said angrily, "I don't know you. You tell me about how you believe marriage to be a partnership but you don't know how to be a partner."
"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I don't want to lose you."
"Then open up to me," she cried, "Talk to me, trust me."
He gently reached up to touch her cheek, "I'll try. We should get some sleep."
Sha're nodded and lay back down beside him.
"I love you," he whispered to her, "You know that don't you?"
"I do not feel it," she sighed, "Go to sleep."
The next morning Sha're was up and working long before Daniel was awake. He lay staring at where she slept, the space empty and cold she'd been up so long.
"Could you really live without her?" he asked himself, "Could you spend every night without her smile, her laugh, her touch?"
He moved to the mouth of the tent and watched her as she stood with Skaara. A gentle laugh escaped her when her brother said something and Daniel felt his heart ache. He couldn't lose her; he had to find a way to open up to her.
"You are the most closed off, emotionally stunted person I have ever met," he heard Sarah snap, "You're going to end up very lonely Daniel. I hope you enjoy your cold isolated world because nobody is ever going to take the time to crack into it."
Sarah's last words to him still stung so badly because they were true. He didn't know how to be unguarded when it came to his feelings but he had to learn.
"Good morning," Sha're said brusquely when she walked back into their home, "You should have some breakfast if you are going to study in the cave."
"Sha're," he caught her hands, "About what we said last night."
"You are actually going to have a proper conversation with me?" she asked slightly sarcastic.
"That's not fair," Daniel defended himself; "We talk."
"About the customs of this world, our history and other things that have nothing to do with our marriage," she snapped.
"I'm sorry," he sighed leaning in so his forehead touched hers, "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I want to be with you."
"I don't know if I want to be with you if you continue this way," Sha're told him sadly.
"No," he cried desperately taking her face in his hands making her look at him, "I can't lose you. I need you. I love you. Please Sha're."
Seeing the panic and fear in his eyes Sha're relented slightly and took his hands, "Sit down Dan'iel."
As they sat together Daniel held her hands tightly afraid to let go in case she left.
"Dan'iel," she said gently, "I do love you but there is a wall between us. A wall that only you can bring down."
He sighed, "You have to understand Sha're, I want to be able to talk to you but I'm so afraid."
"Of what?" she asked gently.
"Of being left alone again," he whispered, "Sha're, you grew up with your father and Skaara who both love you. I had no one. Not even my own grandfather gave a damn about what happened to me."
"So you made sure no one could leave you again," she said, "By making sure no one could get to know you."
He nodded as a few tears slid down his cheeks, "I don't want to lose you Sha're. Help me."
Drawing him into the comfort of her arms Sha're gently rocked him, "Shh, my husband," she whispered soothingly, "I won't let you go. We shall work this out."
They sat together that night with Kasuf and Skaara eating dinner. Sha're was being very loving to him making him feel relaxed and wanted. They finished eating and Sha're took his hand.
"Come with me Dan'iel," she said softly.
Taking a deep breath Daniel followed her back to their home and sat when she told him to.
"Time to talk?" he asked.
"Yes," she replied, "Dan'iel, if you truly want to remain my husband you must learn to trust me."
Daniel nodded and motioned for her to join him, "You might want to get comfortable. This isn't short and sweet."
Sha're sat and gently entwined her fingers with his, "Tell me."
Very slowly Daniel started to talk. After a faltering start he soon found everything pouring out and his whole life story was laid out before her. On occasion he faltered and when he spoke of losing his parents he had cried, the only time he ever had but he kept talking. After almost two hours Daniel finally fell silent.
"Was that so hard?" Sha're asked him her hand gently sliding through his hair.
Daniel smiled, "No, I thought it would be worse."
Sha're moved and slid onto his lap looking into his eyes, "Now my husband, will you trust me if something is bothering you?"
"Yes," he whispered as she moved closer to him.
Her kiss was sweet and Daniel felt completely released, ready to spend forever in her arms.
"Thank you for listening," Daniel whispered later as they lay together sleep finally beckoning, "I'm amazed you actually fought for me."
"Why my love?" Sha're's voice was thick with sleep.
"Someone once told me no one would ever want to take the time to break down my barriers," he explained, "You did."
Sha're turned and cuddled against him, "You are worth it my Dan'iel," she told him staring into his eyes, "Never think otherwise."
Pulling her closer Daniel smiled falling asleep completely contented.
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