I surrender
I surrender
by Venom_69
Title: I surrender
Author: Venom_69
Email: venom69@antisocial.com
Category: Romance
Episode related: 420 Entity
Season: Season 4
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Summary: Surrendering to what love has to offer
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Category: Romance, songfic
Parings: S/J
Content Warnings: Complete and utter projection on Sam's part. Summary: Surrendering to what love offers.
Season/sequel: Set after Entity.
Spoilers: D&C, Entity.
Archive: Heliopolis and my very own Venom's Sam and Jack site, 69anderson2001/index.html">www.geocities.com/venom69anderson2001/index.html
Disclaimer: I don't own these people. If someone wants to give them to me then I wouldn't say no. Hell, I'd settle for Jack. < eg > The song, 'I surrender' is by Celine Dion, and I used it without permission. I know it's not mine, simply because I'm not that talented. :)
Author's notes: The first time I heard this song, I thought it was sweet, the second time I heard it, I thought it was amazing, and by the third time I heard it, I was adamant that it had to be an S/J fic. The actual fic came to me after a conversation with my beta reader LEW, whom I thank, about what the song meant. Naturally we disagreed, but he gave me the general idea, which sat in the back of my head for all of two minutes before I had to write. < G > Cassie's interpretation of the song was LEW's and Sam's was mine. BTW, the album's mentioned in this fic happen to be a few of my many current favourite's.
Feedback: Hell yeah!
Dedication: For LEW, as always, live long and prosper my friend. And to all fan's of fic's and thus a very big fan of all of you. Date: 12 Aug 2002
~*+*~
I arrive at Janet's house a little early, yearning for the chance to forget, if only for a short time, about the incident with the Entity. Having one's consciousness taken out of your body, put into a computer and then transferred back into your body makes for a very disconcerting, and very tiring
week, what with me being presumed brain dead and all.
Cassie is providing the perfect opportunity to keep me distracted for a while, unknowingly as it is. Since it's Saturday and I'm on Earth, I figured that I wouldn't break tradition just because I died a few days ago. Janet was a little sceptical about letting me out of the infirmary so soon, but considering the fact that I'm going to be at her place, on her day off, she reluctantly relented. And besides, I wasn't going to miss my weekly chess game, just because I'm a little emotionally unstable.
I couldn't stay at the base, the sympathetic looks were becoming annoying. The Colonel isn't talking to me, someone mentioned something about him shooting me twice with a Zat gun, Daniel feels guilty because he agreed with me that we should try and make contact with the Entity. About the only person that I could stand to be around is Teal'c. But he has the whole 'Mr Spock, doesn't understand human emotions' thing going for him. Even though he understands us pretty well after five years, he'll never really get it.
I'm brought out of my musings as Cassie opens the front door and hugs me, pulling me into her house. She's wearing the pale blue sweater that I bought her for Christmas, it looks cute on her. She looks so . . .innocent. I remember being that innocent at one time, what I wouldn't give to be 15 again.
"How are you?" I ask the young girl, sitting on the lounge with her, enjoying the comfort of something other than an infirmary gurney. Despite appearances, those beds aren't really that comfortable.
"Alright." Cassie shrugs. "Mum says that we can't play chess until I finish the rest of my homework." She sighs, pointing to all of the books scattered over the nearby table.
"Do you want some help?" I offer, silently hoping that whatever it is she has to finish doesn't involve a computer. I'm thinking that I'll stay away from them for a while. Which will, no doubt, go out the window the minute I step into my lab.
"Really? That'd be great!" She exclaims excitedly.
I look up and smile at her, briefly catching a glimpse of Janet running from the bathroom into her bedroom clad only in a towel. I guess she took advantage of her well earned day off and decided to sleep in. Day off or not, my sleep is filled with nightmares. "What do you have to do?" I ask, pushing the thoughts of my sleep deprivation out of my mind.
"Music homework. We have to pick a song and then describe what we think it means and what the message is that the singer is trying to get across." She explains, walking over to sit at the table where all of her books, which on closer inspection turn out to be CD's, are scattered. It reminds me of Janet's desk, which looks much the same. 'Organised chaos', she once told me, it's an oxymoron, but it works for her. A habit that I see Cassie seems to have picked up on.
"Do you need to provide the words to the song?" I ask.
"Yeah." She nods, clearly not impressed by this criteria of the homework.
"So do you have a song picked out yet?" I ask, looking at the cover's of a few of the album's. Who knew Janet was a fan of Fleetwood Mac? At least, I assume it's Janet's.
"No, I can't decide. I want a song that has an obvious meaning, but I don't know which one to pick!" She complained, shaking her head.
"Easy fixed." I mutter. Cassie stares at me, confused. I ignore her quizzical look for a moment and pick up the first five CD's that I come into contact with. Glancing at the title's as I walk, I'm surprised to note Janet's eclectic taste. Cher, greatest hit's. Meatloaf, Bat out of hell 2, back into hell. Celine Dion, A new day has come. Wilson Philip's, self titled. Belinda Carlisle, A place on Earth, the greatest hit's.
I walk over to the stereo system that Janet and Cassie bought together a few months ago and place all five CD's into the machine. I hit the 'random' button and turn to explain my actions to Cassie, who is standing behind me, observing my moves. "First song that play's is the one that we use." I explain, and she nods, pleased with my solution.
Janet walks into the loungeroom, now dressed in jeans and a sweater. "Hey." She greets me, and I return the gesture. "I have to go out for a few hours, will you two stay out of trouble while I'm gone?" She asks, which is really her way of inconspicuously asking me if I'll be alright without a babysitter.
"We'll be fine." I tell her and Cassie nods in agreement. She bids us goodbye and leaves, smiling at me on her way out. Cassie and I head back over to the stereo and listen as the song plays. Cassie obviously recognises the tune, because she hums along as the music starts, and I look at her, confused.
"Celine Dion, I surrender." She tells me. "Mum bought it a week ago and it's the only CD that she plays, I picked up on most of the words after the first eight or nine times she played it." She explains, smiling.
"So, we use that one." I ask her and she nods. I watch as Cassie picks up the CD cover and pulls out the little booklet that came with it. She flips through the pages and, once she's satisfied that she's found the right one, hands me the open booklet.
I read the page, finally realising what she's discovered. "It come's with the words." I nod, happily. "Makes things a little easier. You go and write them down, I'll get us a drink and then we'll listen to the song and try and depict the meaning." I command lightly and she nods, moving back to the table while I head into the kitchen to fetch us something to drink.
Returning with two lemonade's in hand, I'm pleased to note that Cassie is just finishing the last sentence. She put's down her pen and accepts the drink, taking a sip before resuming her writing. "Done." She announces, proudly.
"Okay, what do you say, we listen to the song an then talk about it?" I ask and she nods, walking back to the stereo to put the song on repeat. We sit together in silence for the duration of the song, just listening to the words, as they hit a little too close to home for me.
There's so much life I've left to live
And this fire is burning still
When I watch you look at me
I think I could find the will
To stand for every dream
And forsake this solid ground.
And give up this fear within
Of what would happen if they ever knew, I'm in love with you.
Cause I'd surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again,
I reach to you, I know you can feel it too We'll make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'll make you give them all to me
I'll take you in my arms, and never let go. I surrender.
I know, I can't survive another night away from you Your the reason I go on
And now I need to live the truth
Right now, here's no better time
>From this fear I will break free
And I'll live again with love
And no they can't take that away from me And they will see. . .
Cause I'd surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again,
I reach to you, I know you can feel it too We'll make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'll make you give them all to me
I'll take you in my arms, and never let go. I surrender.
Every night getting longer
And this fire's getting stronger, babe
I'll swallow my pride and I'll be alive Can't you hear my call
I surrender all
Cause I'd surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again,
I reach to you, I know you can feel it too We'll make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'll make you give them all to me
I'll take you in my arms, and never let go. I surrender.
Right here, right now
Oh give my life to live again
I'll break free, take me
My everything, I surrender all to you
I wish I could say that I would surrender everything, but my little 'leave it in the room' comment proves otherwise. I could tell that, right after he heard me admit that his feelings were reciprocated, he wanted to talk about it. Colonel O'Neill isn't big on talking about feelings, especially his, but if he sees it as being absolutely necessary, then he'd do it in a heartbeat. He wanted to, and I pushed him away. Damn Anise for putting us in this situation, and I have no doubts that the little scrag ran straight to General Hammond and told him all about the confession.
"Sam?" Cassie calls, once again bringing me out of my thoughts. She has good timing, I was just starting to get emotional.
"Okay, what do you think the song means?" I ask, distracting her from asking any questions about my suddenly pensive state.
"I think that she's singing about Rene." Cassie replies and I send her a perplexed look. "Rene is her husband, he has cancer." She explains and I nod, fighting back tears. I have some experience with cancer, especially with Dad.
I think for a moment, and decide to contribute my interpretation of the song to our discussion. "What about love?"
"Love?" She repeats.
"Yeah, surrendering to what love has to offer." I tell her. "Giving up everything, risking everything for the chance at love. The opportunity to love and be loved by somebody no matter what the consequences are." I explain, wondering if I sound as hypocritical as I feel. It seems that I can easily tell someone to give love a chance, but not follow my own instructions. I should practise what I preach. What a cliche I am!
"'Cause I'd surrender everything, to feel the chance to live again.'" Cassie tells me, quoting a few of the lines from the chorus. "So she's saying that the chance to live again, is given to you by love. Surrender everything, and be loved."
I nod and decide to follow her lead and quote a few lines to her. "'And give up this fear within, Of what would happen if they ever knew, I'm in love with you.' What do you think that means?" I ask after she's finished writing down her interpretation of the last few lines mentioned.
"I think," She pauses for a moment, considering her answer. "I think it means that no matter who you choose to love, there will always be someone who disapproves." When did she become so philosophical?
"And judging by the line about fear, whoever it is that will inevitably disapprove is someone that could affect your ability to share feelings with someone." I add, and she writes that down as well.
"But why would anyone want to keep two people who love each other apart?" She asks and I inwardly groan. How am I supposed to explain that to her?
"It's complicated Cass. Different situations cause people to react differently, depending on the circumstances." I say, knowing that I haven't really answered her question.
"You mentioned the line about fear?" She asks and I nod, letting her continue. "There's another line, 'From this fear I will break free. And I'll live again with love. And no they can't take that away from me.' Is that talking about the same thing?"
"Um. . ." I take a deep breath, chewing the inside of my mouth in concentration. "Well, in a way, yes. She's saying that no matter how much love can offer you, everyone is afraid of it. We can't control who we love, and that generally makes us fear it. But in that context, she's saying that she'll 'break free' and let herself 'live again with love.' And then the next line refers to whoever wants to keep her from loving someone, she's saying that they can't take away her ability or will to love." I explain.
"I get it now!" She exclaims and I'm tempted to ask her to explain it to me. Love is probably one of the few concepts that I can't even begin to grasp.
"Good." I smile, when suddenly, I get an idea. "Cass, can we reschedule the chess game?" I ask.
"Okay." She nods her head in understanding.
"Do you mind if I borrow this CD, I want to play this song to a friend of mine."
"Sure, I'll be fine on my own, so say hello to Jack for me." She comments, handing me the CD before winking. Perceptive little dumpling, isn't she?
I nod and hug her goodbye, heading out to my car before heading towards the offer.
And damn the consequences.
~*+*~
The end.
This fic's quote comes from a dear friend of mine. So, in the words of my 'loving' beta reader; "Martouf has died. His head was ripped off and shoved up his F&*^%$G ass." :)
I'm thinkin' sequel. . .
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Venom_69
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