Dance with me 9: I want you to need me.
Dance with me 9: I want you to need me.
by Venom_69
Title: Dance with me 9: I want you to need me.
Author: Venom_69
Email: venom69@antisocial.com
Category: Hurt/Comfort
Season: any Season
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: minor character death
Summary: Sam needs Jack and he isn't there for her.
Sequel to: Dance with me 8: Dinner parties and annaversaries
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Title: Dance with me 9: I want you to need me Author: Venom_69
E-mail: venom69@antisocial.com
Rating: PG
Category: Romance, series
Parings: Sam/Jack
Content Warnings: a little swearing.
Summary: Sam needs Jack and he's not there for her. Season/sequel: Dance with me 8: Dinner parties and announcements Spoilers: In the line of duty. Past and Present Series: Dance with me
Archive: Heliopolis and my very own Venom's Sam and Jack site, 69anderson2001/index.html">www.geocities.com/venom69anderson2001/index.html Disclaimer: I don't own these people. If someone wants to give them to me then I wouldn't say no. Hell, I'd settle for Jack. < eg > Author's notes: Since I was hounded for the last part, I thought that I'd get this one out as well, make everyone happy. :) I actually like this story, I think that it was better than the other DWM's and it was easier to write. I put my fingers on the keyboard and had this done! Feedback: Hell yeah!
Dedication: For all of those who sent me feedback on the previous stories. And to LEW, kudos and kisses for the beta. Date: 12-8-2002
~*+*~
Janet says that it isn't uncommon, she says that it happens more often than people would like to realise, but one in two women will suffer a miscarriage in their life. I've had two so far, and I have to wonder how many more strikes until I'm out?
She's not even sure what happened, the doctor that examined me suspects that it was an eptopic pregnancy, but he doesn't have the clearance to know anything about my experience with Jolinar.
It's not like Janet could perform any tests on me, not while I'm still occupying a bed in Colorado Medical. She was concerned that if they had to drive to the Air Force Academy hospital, I wouldn't make it, so they took me to the nearest building that had medical equipment.
I don't really remember much of what happened. We had the dinner party and we'd just finished the mud cake and coffee's when one of Mariah Carey's songs came on and Jack and I turned to each other, smiled, and asked each other in perfect unison; "Dance with me?" We were dancing together and I looked up at him, and smiled before giving him a very short kiss, like I'd do anything more with my father so close, and dropped my head back to his shoulder. All of a sudden I had this unbearably sharp pain in my stomach, and then I must have blacked out. Because the next thing I knew, I was waking up in the hospital, unsure if the memories of the baby I lost with Jonas were taunting me again or if something had happened to my baby with Jack.
I sigh, and roll over to look out the window. The scenery is bland, and all I can see are trees, trees and more trees. Jack would make some quip about how many trees there are, if he was here.
He was next to my bed when I woke up, a few hours after I collapsed, he was the first thing that I saw as my eyes fluttered open. I could tell by the look on his face that there had been a pretty big chance that I wasn't going to make it, the doctor later told me that I lost so much blood. In the end I think they had to give me two units of blood to help make up for what I'd lost.
Jack was here when Janet told me, saying that she'd run more tests when I got back to base. I have to wonder if the chemical changes in my body that Jolinar left are going to do this to me every time I try and have a baby. My own personal souvenir of the nightmare that Jolinar put me through. Then again, maybe my body is trying to give me a not too subtle hint. Janet says that I shouldn't even think about it until she's had the chance to run a few tests, something about getting myself worked up over what could be nothing.
The winds blows through the trees and they tilt from the force, and I think of Jack. I haven't the slightest clue where he is. Probably at home, mourning our loss in private before he can talk about it. I'm not mad, considering how long it took me to be able to talk about actually being pregnant, I have no right to be mad at him for wanting to grieve on his own. At least I can cry in peace for a while, which is what I'm longing to do. I guess my tear ducts are as stubborn as I am, because no matter how depressed I feel or how much I think about what could have been, and what I could have possibly done wrong, they plainly refuse to produce any moisture.
Knowing my luck, I'll burst into tear's the moment I see Jack.
I wonder if he's thinking about me. Or the baby, perhaps his thoughts are dwelling on Charlie, possibly both, or all three. Nothing like having your plans destroyed and your life screwed up, again, to bring back haunting memories of the past.
Daniel came to see me, he brought me some chocolate chip cookie's. We seem to have a cookie thing going on between us. Whenever one of us is sick, dying or depressed, we do the cookie thing.
Cassie wanted to come but they didn't think it would be a good idea. I'm grateful for that. Oh, I have no doubts that she realises what happened, but she doesn't need to see me with an oxygen line half up my nose, a drip in my arm and a heart monitor that makes the most annoying beep I've ever heard!
General Hammond didn't want to intrude, so he sent his best wishes in with Dad. Speaking of, I couldn't believe how calm he was about it all. Just before she died, my mother had a miscarriage and dad was devastated, so I assumed that he would be with me. I think Selmac helped him, kind of made me wish I had her. I could use someone to calm and soothe me. Not that Jack didn't try, but it's hard to comfort someone when you're not exactly in a good emotional state yourself.
I want to cry, I want the emotional release that crying offers, maybe it will do me good.
Janet offered to hang around and talk if I wanted to. Under normal circumstances, normal meaning me not being in a hospital, she would have asked me if I wanted to get smashed. I think I would have said no anyway, getting drunk isn't what I need right now.
I need Jack, and I want him to need me.
~*+*~
I cried.
I think it was the flowers that set me off. A delivery girl came into my room carrying a large bouquet of mixed flowers and a big balloon that said 'It's a girl.' She saw the name above my bed and apologised when she realised that I obviously wasn't whom she was looking for, but I didn't really hear her, I saw the balloon and kept think of the 'what if's', which is never healthy in any situation.
So, I cried.
Do I feel better?
Hell no!
And to top it all off, I now look worse than I did when I woke up. I have black streaks down the sides of my cheeks, stupid cheap mascara that promised it 'wouldn't run.' Yeah, wouldn't run my ass. First sign of a tear and I look like I belong in an Indian tribe.
Okay, so I'm a little bitter. At my mascara of all things!? I need to get out of here. The Doctor says I can go tomorrow, and Janet wants me to go straight to the SGC for those tests. And, as much as it would put my mind at ease to know that Jolinar didn't completely screw up my chance of having kids, I need to see Jack first. I need to know that he's alright. I need to know that we're alright.
~*+*~
I pay the cab driver and stumble out, a little unsteady on my feet. Janet would have a coronary if she knew that I caught a cab home. I couldn't reach Jack on the home phone or his cell, and I don't want to see anyone else at the moment. Everybody want's to 'talk' about what happened, even the damn cab driver was in a chirpy mode that he had to share with all who happened to be unfortunate enough to be in his company.
Walking up to the front door, my bag in hand, I briefly wonder if Jack's even home. I know that he likes to go up to his cabin to collect his thoughts, maybe he left to go up there. I hope he had the courtesy to leave me a note. Well, Samantha, you aren't going to find out if he's home unless you go in.
Opening the door, I breathe deeply. Stepping in, I see Jack laying on the couch, sound asleep. His face is scrunched up and I can tell that whatever he's dreaming about isn't very nice. He shifts from his back to his stomach and somehow manages to end up on the floor. Opening his eyes, Jack groans and looks at the leg of the coffee table.
"Sweet dreams?" I ask, bitterly. Looking at the empty beer cans and scotch bottle that sits on the coffee table, I can pretty much tell what he did last night.
"Sam?" He stares, open mouthed at me. "What are you doing out of the hospital? Are you alright?" He asks, pulling himself up off the carpet to stand in front of me.
All of the anger that has been bubbling in me suddenly comes to the boil and I wish that I was back at the hospital, where the people in close proximity to me, who would wear the full force of my emotions, weren't people that I loved. "Apparently not as well as you."
"Sam. . ." He starts, but I cut him off.
"No seriously, did you enjoy getting plastered while your fiancee was trying to deal with the loss of her child?" I'm not sure what hurt him more, my icy glare or the fact that I didn't recognise the child as ours, just mine.
"It's not like that. . ." He protests.
"So, what? What was it like Jack?" I ask acrimoniously, dropping my bag to cross my arms over my chest.
"I needed to be alone." He admits.
"Well, I needed you! Did you even think about how this was affecting me? It is my body, Jack." I spit out venomously. I'm pushing him. I know it and I can't stop myself. As soon as I saw his eyes, I knew that Jack wouldn't talk to me unless he had too, and I'll push him until he screams at me if that's what it takes to get all of our emotions out in the open.
"That's not fair!" He tells me.
"And do you think it was fair to leave me in that hospital bed?" I stand with my back against the wall, aware that I've almost pushed him to the point where he'll say whatever is on his mind, and I'm not sure that I could stop myself now even if I wanted to.
"I needed time to be on my own. I thought that you'd realise that this whole thing brought up other memories for me." I did realise, I thought of nothing but him for most of the duration of my hospital stay.
"And you think I've never lost someone I love? You arrogant son of a bitch!" I throw at him, shaking my head. I ignore the tears that are streaming down my face. How could he possibly think that this didn't bring up memories for me? He knew how bad it was when I was pregnant with Jonas' baby, and he can honestly stand there and think of nothing but himself?
"Me?" He asks, incredulously. His face hardens for a second and I briefly wonder what it is he's contemplating. I watch as Jack's features soften and he looks defeated. "What do you want from me?"
"I want you to need me, like I need you." I sigh pathetically. My legs betray me and I slide down the wall to sob on the floor.
Strong and tentative arms wrap around me and I look up, surprised to see that Jack has tears in his eyes as well, and we clutch at each other, mourning the loss of our baby.
"I'm sorry." He whispers wearily, wiping the tears from my cheeks. I return the statement and Jack stands, pulling me with him.
"Dance with me?" I ask and he smiles, glad that I'm going to continue our new tradition. He nods and I walk over to the CD player and put my chosen song on.
I wanna be the face you see when you close your eyes I wanna be the touch you need, every single night I wanna be your fantasy
And be your reality
And everything between
Jack looks confused for a moment as he listens to the song, unsure of the artist. "Celine Dion." I whisper and he nods.
I want you to need me
Like the air you breathe
I want you to feel me
In everything
I want you to see me
In your every dream
The way that I taste you, feel you, breathe you, need you I want you to need me
Like I need you
I smile and step into his open arms, which instinctively close around me. . .which is exactly what I needed, what I wanted.
I wanna be the eyes that look deep into your soul I wanna be the world to you, I just want it all I wanna be your deepest kiss
And the answer to your every wish
And all you ever need
Jack listens as we sway, slowly beginning to understand the connotations of the words, and my reason for choosing this song. "Perfect choice." He whispers to me, and I smile against his chest, pleased that he got the message.
I want you to need me
Like the air you breathe
I want you to feel me
In everything
I want you to see me
In your every dream
The way that I taste you, feel you, breathe you, need you I want you to need me
'Cause I need you
I look at him once more, the tears still evident in my eyes. "I love you, so much." I tell him and Jack smiles.
"I love you too, Angel. I don't want to fight about this any more, I don't want this to ruin what we have because we couldn't communicate properly." He rests his forehead on mine and I nod, glad that we can agree that fighting is bad.
More than you could know
And I need you
To never, never let me go
And I need
To be deep inside your heart
I just want to be everywhere you are
I lead Jack toward our bedroom so that, hopefully we can both get some much needed sleep. I know that my night was restless, and if he needed to drink the good scotch to reach a slumber, that Jack's night wasn't much better.
Things are still going to be bad with us for a while, it'll take time for us to deal with, and move on, from this. Our loss will always be with us, no doubt something else that will haunt us for a long time to come, but together, we'll get through it.
I need Jack, and I know that he needs me. Which makes it easier to deal with.
~*+*~
The End
Chaos, disorder and panic. . .my work here is done.
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