Until then. . .
by Venom_69
Title: Until then. . .
Author: Venom_69
E-mail: venom69@antisocial.com
Rating: M- lot's and lot's of drinking involved. Category: My first real attempt at angst! Romance. Parings: Jack/Other Sam/Jack
Content Warnings:
Summary: The 100 Days fic I swore I'd never write Season/sequel: Set straight after 100 Days Spoilers: 100 Days
Archive: Heliopolis and my very own Venom's Sam and Jack site, 69anderson2001/index.html">www.geocities.com/venom69anderson2001/index.html Disclaimer: I don't own these people. If someone wants to give them to me then I wouldn't say no. Hell, I'd settle for Jack.
Feedback: Hell yeah!
Dedication: For LEW, kudos and kisses for the beta. Live long and prosper, my friend, "Shall we dance, three times?"
~*+*~
Challenge #1,876 (Added May 15, 2002)
This is for all you music lovers out there! I challenge YOU to write a story that includes at least thirty song titles. You can't mention them as a song like: Jack likes Aerosmith's "Just Push Play." You have to mention it in the context of the story, like: They ran to the gate at such a speed that after arriving at the SGC, they were "Breathless." Got it? Good. Have a fun time and e-mail me a copy! Submitted by Pilla
The songs that I used are listed at the end of the fic, and are some of my favorites.
~*+*~
He turns away from me.
He walks back to her.
The phrase 'home ain't where his heart is anymore' suddenly springs to mind.
I watch as the man I thought I loved turns away from me, to go back to her. I don't think he even realised that I was speaking to him, explaining to him how we got here. I don't think he actually cares what Daniel and Teal'c are thinking.
What about me? I want to scream at him, call him things that would sound repulsive rolling off my tongue, but all I can do is stare, men are always breaking my heart. I mutter something, probably incoherent, to Daniel about him being okay and he replies, but I don't hear it. All I hear is the sound of my blood flowing through my body, my heart beating faster than normal and slowly, but surely, the sleep deprivation is beginning to catch up with me.
I should have taken a nap before we came.
It may have been a good idea if I'd eaten as well. Contrary to current popular belief around the SGC, I haven't been starving myself for the past three months. Siler would bring me a sandwich at least once a day, whether or not I ate it was my choice. Janet brought me coffee, thank god! I'm not sure what fuelled me on more; The coffee or the thought of losing someone I cared about. I just know that I was determined to get him back and my health wasn't exactly high on my list of priorities for a few months.
I know that I shouldn't listen, eavesdropping isn't exactly something that would look good on a resume, but I can't help myself. I listen as they talk, standing mere inches from one another. "You must be happy to be going home?" I hear her ask.
The Colonel doesn't miss a beat. "No, I'm not." He replies and I turn my head, demanding that no tears fall.
I should have left him here, I should have never thought about building the particle beam accelerator in the first place. But most of all, I should never have fallen in love with him. I guess I shouldn't really be surprised, he's another one from the lunatic fringe that I could fall for.
I knew that I had made an impulsive decision when I came to the SGC. They gave me a whole day to pack, get all of my affairs in order and organize a plane and get to Colorado. If I was late for the briefing then I would have to miss out, again. I wasn't going to miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime, but sometimes I wonder. . . Life would have been a lot different without the Stargate. Although I suppose Dad would have still got me into NASA, but he'd be dead.
I turn back to face my superior and his new . . . girlfriend? Is that the correct terminology? "You could come back with me?" I hear the Colonel ask, his voice hopeful. He asked her to come to Earth? Hmm . . . yeah, that'd work. I'd like to see her reaction to cars, television or even a shower! It would probably be even more entertaining than the movies.
"My place is here." She smiles, sadly. I glance back over my shoulder to look at the path that we had traveled, wishing that we could leave. I think that I actually want to go back to the SGC, despite over three months of confinement there.
They briefly embrace and the Colonel walks back towards us and we follow him on the journey to the Stargate, in silence.
After a few minutes of the uncomfortable silence between us, Daniel speeds up his pace to fall in stride with the Colonel, and even though I know that I shouldn't, I once again listen as they talk. "You invited her back?" Daniel asks, surprised.
"What would you do?" He snaps back.
"Not take it out on my friends for a start." Daniel returns, slowing his pace again and letting the Colonel lead us in silence once more.
We make it to the 'Gate in record time and I suddenly feel very tired, and exhausted. I'm sure that it's become harder to breathe and I find myself wheezing. Daniel must notice because he comes over to me and places a brotherly hand on my are. "Are you okay?" He asks, concerned.
"Yeah. My heart will go on." I joke, sucking in air. My lungs seem to be screaming for more oxygen to be sent to my deprived body.
"I meant physically." He amends.
I nod, still wheezing and he doesn't look convinced. The 'Gate is now open and the GDO code has been sent so we walk through and Daniel escorts me to the infirmary. I don't think the Colonel, or anyone else, noticed our departure.
As soon as we stepped through, a sea of people came to congratulate and welcome us back. They try to welcome a man back, who quite obviously didn't want to return.
Janet looks up at us as soon as we enter and swept me onto the nearest gurney, obviously as worried as Daniel. Why can't I breathe? "Janet?" I gasp, still trying to fill my lungs.
"Just relax." She commands quietly, beginning her exam.
~*+*~
It's sometime later when I wake. I glance at the clock on the wall and realise that I've been asleep for over an hour. I groan and roll over, my eyes resting on the white dividing curtain between the beds. The Infirmary is fairly quiet, with the exception of a few lone heart monitors beeping. I can hear footsteps walking through the door -heavy footsteps.
"Doc!" The Colonel calls. Great, I thought the General would have kept him long enough for me to get the hell out of here. Three months of being stuck in this mountain is making me claustrophobic, despite the fact that I was here of my own free will.
"Yes?" Janet calls, and obviously realises whom she's talking to because the next thing I hear from her is a very gruff, "Welcome back."
"Yeah. Can I get my physical over with, I want to get home?" He asks, sitting on the gurney next to me, the light behind him outlining his silhouette on the curtain.
"You'll have to wait." Janet tells him.
"Why?" He asks, irritated. I understand that he wants to get home, but some of us were productively working for the past three months, not touching up our tans or getting up close and personal with the natives.
"Because, Colonel, I have another patient to release first." She grits out. Janet is obviously in no mood to argue.
"Hey." I greet, trying to go unnoticed by the Colonel. I don't need him to hear my current medical conditions, not that he'd be interested anyway.
Janet smiles. "Hey, as of now you are under strict orders to go home and get some sleep. I mean it, Sam." She tells me, her normally friendly tone replaced by her 'doctor' voice.
"What are you going to do? Chain me to the bed?" I ask, trying to lighten the mood.
"If that's what it takes." She replies seriously.
The Colonel grunts from the bed next to me and suddenly the dividing curtain is roughly pulled back and he looks at me angrily. "Look Carter, she wants you to get some sleep, so go home, get a good night's rest and we'll see you in the morning." He shrugs. "No big deal, now can we get this physical over with?" He asks, missing the angry glare that Janet sends him.
"Do you even care about her?" Janet asks angrily. "Do you even know how hard she worked? It isn't as simple as a good night's sleep Colonel, maybe two months ago it would have helped, but one good night won't undo all of the damage that Sam has done to herself. Done to get you home!" She shouts and I think I feel myself blushing. I send a silent plea for Janet to stop talking.
"Damage?" He asks skeptically. "Carter always works too hard, and she bounces back after a good night's sleep!" He yells back and I can't help but wonder if they even know that I'm still in the room, or anyone else for that matter.
"Works too hard? Jesus, you arrogant son of a . . . read her damn medical file!" She shouts at him, throwing my files onto his bed.
"No!" I cry, grabbing the file before anyone else can move.
Woah! Shouldn't have done that. The world is spinning . . . my head feels like it's on fire . . . I can't focus on anything in the room . . . who turned out all of the lights . . .
~*+*~
I groan as my head pulsates. What happened? One minute Janet and Colonel O'Neill were arguing over my medical files and the next thing . . . well, that's a little hazy at the moment.
"You're awake." Janet smiles, sitting in the chair next to my bed.
Isn't she astute. "Can I go?" I plead, wanting nothing more than to curl up in my own bed.
"Do you want to know what's going on with you?" She asks, looking at my file again.
"That's depends. Are we alone?" I ask and Janet catches the double meaning of my words. If the Colonel is here than I can wait to hear what she has to say.
"Yes, we're alone." I nod and Janet begins to read. "You're underweight, slightly anaemic, you're blood pressure is too high and you're body is trying to tell you that unless you start to take better care of it then it's going to shut down. What happened today on Edorra is nothing compared to what you'll go through if you don't look after yourself. I know that you wanted to get the Colonel back, but he hasn't even thanked you. He doesn't even know what you did, and how determined you were. Don't let how you feel about him affect your judgement." Janet tells me, 'Doctor' voice back on and in full force.
Suddenly another voice can be heard coming from the other side of the curtain. I recognize it as one of Janet's intern's. "Colonel O'Neill, can I help you?" She asks and I freeze, my body going stiff as a board. He heard everything.
Suddenly I'm very breathless again. Perfect. Just perfect. Janet sends me an apologetic look, cringing a little as she realises what the Colonel heard.
"I'm here to see Doctor Fraiser." He replies, and I have to wonder if he did hear what Janet said.
"Colonel, you can wait in my office." Janet calls out and I smile my thanks at her for giving me the chance to escape any form of contact with him.
"I'm sorry." She whispers.
"It's alright. Can I go home now?" I plead, running my fingers through my hair. God, when was the last time I washed it? Or brushed it for that matter. I'm almost certain that there's something growing in the dirty strands. I'm surprised people have come anywhere near me over the last three months, showering wasn't a very frequent thing for a while there.
"Yes, you'll have a week off and if I catch you on this base during that time then you are going to be very, very sorry." She orders and I can't help but smile at her concern.
"Okay." I shrug.
"Wanna talk about it?" Janet offers.
"I don't know. I guess things just seem very ironic at the moment." I tell her, chewing on my bottom lip. Suddenly my hands look very interesting.
"Why?" Janet asks, sitting on the bed next to me.
"Well, I wanted to get the Colonel back, and when I did, he wasn't happy about it. So in a way, I got what I wanted but not the way I wanted. It's just. . . "
"Ironic." Janet finishes with me, and I can't hold back a sigh.
"You want some company later? My shift finishes in three hours, and Cassie's still on her school trip." She proposes and I have to admit the thought of getting drunk and bagging the Colonel out is very appealing at the moment.
"Sure, that'd be great. Thank you." I reply, smiling.
"I'll bring the wine." Janet winks at me and disappears from the room with a wave.
I pick up my jacket and head to the locker rooms for a quick shower before I head home for a nap, my body protesting the whole way. I see the sympathetic smiles that are thrown my way as I walk. I have to wonder what people are thinking, I never admitted any feelings about the Colonel to anyone except Janet, and she refuses point blank to gossip. No one needs to know how I feel, and they'll never hear it from me.
Especially not the Colonel.
~*+*~
I sigh, I can't sleep.
I just hope that when Janet comes over I'll be able to drink myself into oblivion, and hopefully pass out. Probably not the best way to get a good night's sleep, but I'll take whatever I can get at the moment.
I've been laying on my bed for the last two hours, staring at my ceiling. I have sixteen holes where the paint has chipped off, not something that a woman with a PHD in astrophysics needs to know.
I roll over as my cat jumps up on the bed. I should name him one day. I was going to call him Jack, but at this moment then I'd probably be tempted to neuter him, a fate that he doesn't deserve just because of his name.
Watching as my cat arches his back as I stroke him, I can't help but remember what I want out of a man. Someone who's caring, attentive and can hold a strong conversation. If I stick with my cat then I could have that. Well, almost that. And anyway, two out of three ain't bad.
There's a knock at my door and I pull myself off the bed, leaving a very disappointed cat in my wake. I stumble down the hallway and head towards the general direction of my door.
I pull it open to see Janet standing there, still in uniform, with a bottle of - quick glance at the label - expensive wine in each hand. Only Janet would buy the most expensive wine that she could find, and usually one with the most alcohol content in it. "Hey." I greet, stepping back to allow her entrance.
She smiles and kicks off her shoes. "Wanna get plastered?" She asks.
I grin. "You took the words right out of my mouth. Do you want something more comfortable to put on?" I offer, remembering numerous curses that we've sent to whomever designed USAF uniforms.
"I have a spare change of clothes in the car. I'll go and grab them." She tells me, dropping the wine on my kitchen counter before dashing back out of the door.
"Always come prepared?" I laugh as she brings in her overnight bag.
"Always." She confirms and I glance at the size of her bag. Overnight bag? More like a weekend bag.
"Do you have everything but the kitchen sink in there?" I ask, amused.
"Hey, it's all or nothing." She smiles.
"Bathroom's that way." I remind her, pointing towards the room next to my bedroom.
I open a few of my cupboard's in search of two wine glasses, slightly surprised that I can even remember where I keep anything. I haven't been home in a while. I open the cupboard above my refrigerator and spot several formal glasses that belonged to my mother in there.
Pulling out two glasses, and two shot glasses just in case, I open my cutlery drawer and rummage through it in search of a cork screw. Damn, I don't have one. I so need to go shopping, my 'fridge is practically empty and try as I might, I can't live off pizza.
"I though that you might need this." Janet says from behind me and I turn to see her holding a cork screw in her hand, a smile plastered on her face.
"Thanks. If you needed a cork screw to open a beer bottle then I'd have hundreds of them by now." I laugh, opening the wine and pouring us both a glass. I follow Janet into my lounge room and we sit on the couch. I flick the stereo on with the remote control and take a long sip of my wine.
"Did you see the Colonel before you left?" Janet finally asks me, tucking her feet up under the rest of her body.
"Yeah." I nod. "It wasn't that bad, he didn't see me."
"He kept asking me about you." Janet tells me, watching for my reaction.
"Really?" I ask, trying to act nonchalant. Janet sees through my emotionally detached face and just smiles understandingly at me.
"Yes, I believe that his exact words were, 'For crying out loud, what's wrong with Carter?' But he said it with that charm of his." She tells me, impersonating the Colonel remarkably well.
"Charm my ass." I mutter, pouring us both more wine.
I watch as Janet studies the yellow liquid in her glass intently for a minute. "This isn't strong enough." She comments.
I grin and jump up off the couch, heading back into the kitchen. I open the cupboard that held the wine glasses and pull out a large wooden brown box. Closing the door, I walk back into the lounge room with the box in hand. I hand Janet the box and walk over to the credenza near my television set.
I pull out a key from the pot plant that rests on my television set and open the cabinet to reveal a large selection of liquor. Pulling out seven tall bottles I set them on the table in front of my friend. She stares at them for a moment before looking at me.
"Strong enough?" I ask, smiling at the agape look on her face.
"Definitely. What's in the box?" She asks.
"Open it." I command quietly, lining up the bottles on the table.
Janet opens the box and looks at the contents. "Shot glasses?" She asks, one eyebrow raised.
"Twenty." I agree.
Janet studies the design for a moment. "Australia?" She asks.
"Yep. Dad got posted there when I was a teenager. We were only down there for a few months, but I did a lot of shopping." I smile at the memory.
"Is it that good?"
"It's not so much that it's that good, a lot of it is stuff that I could have gotten over here, but the monetary conversion makes it cheaper in comparison. Dad brought that set just before we came back over here. He gave it to me when he went to live with the Tok'ra." I explain, sitting back on the couch.
"Nice." She comments, nodding her head before handing the box back to me.
I set out a row of seven shot glasses for Janet and then do the same for myself. Picking up the first bottle with the clear liquid in it, I pour a shot for Janet and then another for myself.
"Shall we dance?" I ask, smiling.
"What?" She asks, confused.
"The deal is that you pour one shot of each colored Sambuca and then down them one by one in a row." I explain, pouring the rest of the shots.
Janet's eyes widened and she quietly listed the colors to herself as I pour. "Clear, yellow, orange, red, blue, green, black. Are you sure about this Sam?" She asks me, apprehension lacing her tone.
"It's strong, that's what you wanted." I point out, grinning. "Besides, we are only going to do the Sambuca dance once. I had a friend who did it three times in a row and he almost died from alcohol poisoning." I tell her and watch as the emotions play over her face. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned the experience that my friend had.
"Okay. I'll try anything once." She shrugs, and I can't help but smile at the nervousness in her voice.
I smile reassuringly at her and we down the shots one by one. Janet makes a repulsed face as she swallows the last shot. I grin and swallow the black shot, shaking my head as the liquid slides down my throat, leaving a trail of fire in it's wake.
"You're crazy." Janet coughs, shaking her head in a futile attempt to get her voice to return to normal.
"Not crazy, just . . . annoyed." I correct her.
"Ah . . . the Colonel." Janet nods, her voice now sounding more like hers.
"You know, all I really want is a thank you." I tell her.
"Think you'll ever get it?" She asks.
I snort a small amount of laughter and shake my head. "Not likely, you know what the Colonel is like." I shrug.
"Would you be happier if you'd been in a relationship with him before he got stranded?" She queries.
I stare at her for a moment. Who said anything about a relationship? "No," I shake my head. "I would've been in too deep if we had been in a relationship. As it is I worked hard enough." I tell her and Janet nods, pouring herself another glass of wine.
"Ever think of asking him out?"
"No, remember regulations?" I ask, sarcasm lacing my tone. "And besides I'd need a reason to believe that this wouldn't happen again."
"Love hurts!" Janet declares and I stare accusingly at her.
"I'm not in love with him!" I protest, pouring myself another glass of wine.
"Ooh, you're in love!" She replies, pouring more wine into her empty glass.
I growl at her. "I am not in love with . . ." I trail off as a realisation hits me. I never really contemplated it before, but I do love Colonel O'Neill and I am in love with him.
"Told ya!" Janet grins. I guess I said that last part aloud. Stupid alcohol, all it does is give you a hangover and make you loose in the tongue.
"So what if I do love him?" I ask. "It's not like he feels the same way." I shrug, the colonel sees me as nothing more than a subordinate, a friend, someone to save his sorry ass. . .even if it is cute.
"Hypothetically speaking," Janet starts, pausing to take a mouthful of her drink. "What would you say if I told you that the Colonel accidentally saw some of your medical file and knows how hard you worked to get him back?" She asks and I cringe.
"You didn't, please tell me that you didn't?" I beg.
"Hypothetically speaking." Janet repeats.
"Then if he hypothetically saw my medical file, I would wonder how he got to it, and what he saw." I answer, finishing off my glass of wine before opening the next bottle. If we don't slow our drinking down, we'll be back to the Sambuca in no time.
"Okay, then continuing this hypothetical train of thought, I would think that he got it without the permission of your doctor."
"Which is you." I point out.
"This is hypothetical, Sam. And if he read it, then I'd say that he saw some of the current medical conditions that you have due to how hard you worked." She replies, and I think about what she said for a moment.
"Then I would tell this hypothetical doctor of mine that I appreciate his or her carelessness with my medical file. If the Colonel has read it then maybe I'll get my thank you." I answer.
"Good." Janet nods and we sit in silence for a minute, sipping our wine. Some nameless tune is playing on the radio in the background, which neither of us are really listening to anyway.
"Hey Sam." Janet calls, bringing me out of my Colonel-filled thoughts.
"Yeah?" I mumble, turning to look at her once more.
"The Colonel saw your medical file." Janet tells me, waiting for my reaction.
"Okay." I shrug. There's no point getting annoyed about it, not like I could change it. Actually, if I could turn back time then I think I'd still let him read it. "Hey Janet." I call.
"Yeah?" She mutters, turning to look at me once more.
"Thank you." I smile.
Janet grins. "Is it just me, or are you lonely tonight?" She asks, thoughtfulness plainly displayed on her features.
"Yeah." I sigh. "Do you think he loved her?" I ask. Janet already knows all about the native from Edorra. What was her name? Lana? Lairs? Anyway, I told her about the Colonel and whatever her name is.
"Oh well, it must have been love if they had those three precious months together!" Janet declares sarcastically, raising her arms above her head for emphasis.
"Is that a no?" I joke, smiling.
"Sam, he's been crazy about you for three and a half odd years, three months won't change that. He's got the look." She tells me.
"What look?" I ask, wondering if now is a good time to stop Janet from having anything else to drink.
"The look of faithfulness." She explains.
"Oh. Since when has there been a look?" I ask.
"Since Jack O'Neill met you." She decides with a nod of her head and a gulp of her wine.
"Humph." I sigh. "Another brick in the wall." I mutter.
"What?" She asks, once again confused.
"When I was in college my friends said that I should have a whole wall dedicated to me. A wall with the name of every man I have ever dated or fallen for on each of the bricks. So hence the saying, another brick in the wall." I explain.
"If I could, I'd find you a nice man to love." She tells me.
"Janet, I found someone, I just can't have him." I reply.
"Hypothetically speaking." She starts and I groan. "What would you do if I were to call the Colonel right now and tell him to get his sorry ass over here and apologize for the way he treated you?" She asks.
"Give you a pat on the back." I blurt and before I have a chance to protest, Janet is up off the couch like a bat out of hell and is heading for my phone.
"Janet. . ." I call but she ignores me and hits the speed dial for the Colonel's house.
"Hi Jack, it's Janet here." She starts. "I'm fine thank you, I was just ringing to tell you to get your sorry ass over to Sam's house and apologize for the way you treated her." She commands and I cringe, he will not be happy camper. "Fine Colonel, we'll see you then." And she hangs up with a satisfied smile plastered on her face.
I groan and cover my face with my hands. "That was a hypothetical, Janet!"
"Well then, you can just pretend that what I did was still hypothetical and give me that pat on the back you were talking about." She declares, and flops back onto the couch, still smiling.
~*+*~
Twenty minutes later and we're still sitting here, discussing hair of all things. I can hear the doorbell ringing, even over the torrential rain that's pouring down outside, but unless what small part of Janet's brain that is still sober hear's it then I'm just going to ignore the sound. I know who's there, and I didn't invite him, so I refuse to let him in. Maybe Janet wont notice.
"You're gonna make me get it, aren't you?" Janet asks, her speech slurred. Who's idea was it to break out the Scotch? Probably mine.
"Yep." I reply.
She groans and half-stands, half-rolls off the couch and stumbles towards the door. I can hear her bumping into objects on the way to the door, and I'm just about to warn her about the vase in the hall when I here a loud crash and the distinct sound of porcelain breaking.
"Sorry!" She calls out and I grumble. I never liked that vase anyway, Jonas gave it to me . . . come to think of it, I should have thrown the damn thing at him when he hit me.
"Colonel." Janet greets.
"Doc. Where's Carter?" He asks, stomping into my house, no doubt with muddy boots on. I'll make him clean it up if he's tracked mud through the carpet and all over the floor.
He walks into the living room and looks at me with a raised eyebrow. I have no doubt that I don't exactly look my best. I'm sprawled out on the couch with my feet on a beanbag, my hair is everywhere and there are numerous bottles of alcohol lining the coffee table. Some of them are empty, some have a little left in them, the Sambucca's haven't been touched again. I don't think that Janet will go near them again for a while.
"Carter." The Colonel acknowledges.
"Colonel." I return, not bothering to move. I don't want him here so I'm not going out of my way to make him comfortable.
"Sit down, Colonel." Janet orders, stumbling to the armchair. I glare at her, she took the armchair so there is only one place for the Colonel to sit - next to me of course.
He flops down and looks at Janet, and then at me. "Why am I here?" He asks.
Janet opens her mouth to reply, but I jump in first. "Colonel, you're here because Janet has some crazy idea that you need to apologize to me. Just a drunken woman's delusions." I say and Janet sends me a disapproving look.
"No, Colonel." She starts, giving me a look that clearly says; Shut up. "You are here because you were an ass to Sam and you should apologize." She declares, and promptly passes out.
I sigh and look at my friend . . . the Tequila slammers were probably a little too much for her . . . I'm actually surprised that I'm still standing. My alcohol tolerance has never been very good . . . okay it's better than Daniel's, but that boy can't drink to save himself. I giggle a little at the thought of Daniel being drunk.
"Something funny?" The Colonel asks.
I shake my head, unable to stop the giggles that escape. "No, just thinking." I mutter, still smiling.
"I'm sorry. Is that what you wanted to hear?" He asks, sighing.
"No. Not if you're only saying it to shut Janet up." I reply. It's the truth . . . I don't want an apology from him if he doesn't mean it.
"The Doc is right, I was an ass." He admits. I wonder who turned on the light. He didn't seem to think he was doing anything wrong when he was inviting his latest playmate back to Earth. Maybe he and Captain Kirk would be great friends, but Kirk would never invite a one night stand to join him on the Enterprise . . . I'm sure that there is someone else who the Colonel could relate to out there . . . I can see it now; Jack O'Neill, the next Don Juan.
I decide to play dumb in regards to his sentence. "Why do you say that you're an ass?" I ask, pure innocence displayed on my face.
"I wasn't exactly grateful that you came to get me, all I could think was that my life had been turned upside down again. I should have looked on the bright side." He shrugs.
"What was the bright side?" I ask, pouring us both a glass of Scotch -I seem to have several bottles of that in my liquor cabinet.
"I'm alive." He points out and I snort. Yeah, you're alive only because we can't help bad luck. I'm bitter, I know.
"You could've stayed." I shrug, sipping the Scotch. You'd think that I would have already consumed enough alcohol throughout the course of the evening to be numb enough to stay insouciant for this conversation.
"Yeah, but the population wasn't big enough to form any type of real hockey competition." He jokes and God help me, I laugh. I don't know why I always laugh at his jokes . . . most of them are completely ridiculous to anyone else.
"And I suppose they were lacking on the beer and peanuts, too?" I return, laying my head on his shoulder.
He nods and smiles a little. "I missed you." He confesses, so quietly that I almost miss the admission.
I almost don't want to return the sentiment. . .even if I did, nothing will ever come of it. That's probably part of the attraction, something about when the wrong one loves you right. He's so very wrong, but being with him feels so very right. "I missed you too." I finally reply, letting our fingers entwine.
"It can never happen for us, can it?" He asks, resting his head on mine.
I feel tears of frustration and exhaustion begin to well. So much for my insouciant exterior. How can I answer that? No matter how mad at him I am at this moment, all I can feel is the relief that he's home. "It may happen one day, but it won't be today." I tell him, blinking back the tiny droplets of moisture that my tear ducts seem intent on releasing.
"I didn't love her." He whispers, and I have to strain to hear. "I could never love her; she wasn't you." He smiles.
"I can't give up the Air Force." I admit, hating to bring it up. I think that we had almost come to an unspoken agreement not to discuss the non - existent relationship that we had going, not to talk about the USAF, which is probably the only thing keeping us apart.
"I wouldn't ask you to, I couldn't. But when we finally are able to be together, then we'll be great." He tells me.
"We'll be the greatest." I amend, snuggling up to him.
"I'll wait for you." He whispers, and we both pick up our scotch glasses. "I'll wait forever."
"Until then." I toast, raising the glass.
Smiling, Jack emulates my actions and my words. "Until then." And we both sip our drinks, until the glasses are empty and our voices hoarse.
Jack and I won't be together, not for a long time. We have other commitments, namely the SGC. There are too many things standing in the way of anything developing between us . . . yet. We'll overcome them, eventually. But for tonight we are both content to lay together on my couch, just clutching each other for the night. Janet will have a field day when she sees us tomorrow, but this is the only confirmation of our feelings that we are going to get for what may be a very, very, long time. Sooner or later, things may change.
I pull Jack closer to me and smile.
Until then. . .
~*+*~
The End
Another brick in the wall ~ Pink Floyd
Are you lonely tonight ~ Rod Stewart
It must have been love ~ Roxette
He's got the look ~ Roxette
Breathless ~ The Corrs
Would you be happier ~ The Corrs
If I could ~ 1927
Impulsive ~ Wilson Philips
You're in love ~ Wilson Philips
A reason to believe ~ Wilson Philips.
I found someone ~ Cher
Love hurts ~ Cher
If I could turn back time ~ Cher
One by One ~ Cher
Believe ~ Cher
All or nothing ~ Cher
Strong enough ~ Cher
Ironic ~ Alanis Morissette
Perfect ~ Alanis Morissette
All I really want ~ Alanis Morissette
Thank you ~ Alanis Morissette
For crying out loud ~ Meatloaf
Bat out of hell ~ Meatloaf
You took the words right out of my mouth ~ Meatloaf Two out of three ain't bad ~ Meatloaf
I'm alive ~ Celine Dion
When the wrong one loves you right ~ Celine Dion My heart will go on ~ Celine Dion
If that's what it takes ~ Celine Dion
What would you do? ~ City High
Home ain't where his heart is anymore ~ Shania Twain No one needs to know ~ Shania Twain
What about me? ~ Moving pictures
Always breaking my heart ~ Belinda Carlisle In too deep ~ Belinda Carlisle
Breathe ~ Faith Hill
~*+*~
Let me introduce myselve's. . .
17
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