Inside my head
Inside my head
by Venom_69
TITLE: Inside my head
AUTHOR: Venom_69
EMAIL: venom_69_anderson@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Thoughts
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SPOILERS: in the line of duty. I think!
SEASON / SEQUEL: any
RATING: PG.
CONTENT WARNINGS: shock horror I don't think I swear in this one. *g*
SUMMARY: trapped in her own mind.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of this because if I did then Teal'c would have his son back, not his wife I didn't like her. Danny would be getting up close and personal with Janet. Sam and Jack would be bumping uglies and everyone would know that the bad guys in this show are Gou'ald not Gould or any other bad attempts at spelling it! So don't bother suing me because all you will get is about a dollar in Australian money and a wonky looking teddy bear!!!
AUTHOR'S NOTES: this is. . . .crap? no only kidding. This is truly a representation of what I think (yes even the part about wishing the world would go away) this is purely and simply a way of dealing with all the bitching that people do about me. They can all go hang themselves for all I care because I won't change for anyone.
DEDICATION. For Buffy. She continuously puts up with my crap and for that I am ever grateful. And Buff? Remember the talk we had about me not being in touch with my emotions? Well this is about as emotional as you'll get me so savor it, enjoy it, print it and frame it but don't ever try and talk to me about it. And always remember 'I'm not depressed. I've just been in a very bad mood for 15 years.' Lol
I know that there is a world outside my head. I know it's there. I don't want to be in it or involved in any way but I still acknowledge it's existence nonetheless. I am forced to accept the fact that there is and always will be a world outside the safe confides of my head. I wish it would go away. Maybe if the ground opened up and swallowed me then I would be able to get out of this situation.
I hear little voices you know. They don't always make sense, one of them speaks German, but I still hear them in the safe little corner of my head that I have taken command of. If I was a dog then I would have peed on it as a way of marking my territory.
There is this one voice. I hate it. I hate *her* she just keeps talking no matter how much I demand she shut up she just keeps bargaining with them in the hope that they will let her, us, go. Jack is too smart for her to get what she wants.
I heard her tell him that she would try to 'jump' hosts and that I would still be the same. Pardon me, but I will never be the same again. I can't be 'as they knew me before' there isn't much hope.
I just have to beat the odds. I know that I can do that, I've beaten the odds before but I still have to survive this ordeal before I can go beating any odds just yet.
She played him. I know she did. For just a second she let me talk, scream whatever, and I saw the conflict in his eyes when he looked away. The inner turmoil of him wanting to help and knowing that he couldn't.
She knows about us. She knows that Jack and are in love and she seems to think that because of that fact he will be sympathetic to us. I've got news for her and it's all bad. Jack may be sympathetic to us but he will never let her see it.
You know what the worst part is? I call her *she.* well actually when I say 'she' I'm not referring to Jolinar per se but more so to me. I can no longer tell where *he* ends and I begin and it scares the hell out of me.
How can I fight him when I'm not sure if it's Sam and Jolinar or just *me* I feel schizophrenic. Like I'm fighting for control of my mind but the only thing that I'm fighting is myself and I hate that. How can I win when the battle is against myself.
He played Jack by using my voice and he played Daniel with Sha'uri. This isn't fair. He sounds like me when I have a cold. He looks like me and I don't think the glowing eyes are enough to make a significant difference. He is trying to play me as well but he's doing it inside my head. None of them can see it but I am fighting, he won't win. There is no way in hell that I am going to lay down and be trampled on. Apophis, Hathor and the rest of those snakey assed spastics couldn't do it, men in 'this man's army' couldn't do it and I am very sorry if this offends him but 'Jolinar of Malshur' can't do it either.
I won't let him.
Not now, not ever.
But just for a while I think that I will have a little rest and picture the wedding day of Jack and myself that is, I hope, soon to come.
I'm too tired to fight.
Jolinar, you may have won the battle but let me tell you, you'll never *ever* win the war.
I love you Jack, don't give up on me yet.
End.
Learn to use your ears, they will never get you in trouble.
If you wasted ten minuets to read this then I'm sure that you can waste another five to send me feedback.
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Venom_69
Heliopolis Main Archive
A Stargate: SG-1 Fanfiction Site
Inside My Head
by Venom69Site Navigation
Support Heliopolis