Stay With Me
by Michelle Birkby
TITLE: Stay With Me
AUTHOR: Michelle Birkby
EMAIL: mbirky@hotmail.com
CATEGORY:
SPOILERS: Solitudes
SEASON / SEQUEL: "What I See in Your Eyes", set in Season Three
RATING:
CONTENT WARNINGS: Character death
SUMMARY:
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Sam and Jack, Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
He lay in my arms, bleeding. I was trying to stop it, covering the wound with my own hand, but it spurted out around it. The blood soaked my uniform and turned the ground red. It didn't seem to be clotting, perhaps an effect of the weapon that caused it. I pushed my fist into the wound. My God, the hole was so big! How could he possibly be alive with a hole that big in him? Because he's Jack, that's how, and I WILL not allow him to die. I looked up. I could see the stargate, not too far away, but it might as well be ten miles away. Jack couldn't move. I pushed my fist further in, then shifted slightly. The bleeding stopped, but I could feel that my hand was the only thing stopping his guts spilling out. I looked up at Danny. He looked as devastated as I felt.
"We need help. I can't move him. I can't move at all.".
"I will go back and get Doctor Frazier." Teal'c said. I nodded as he walked off.
"What can I do?" Daniel asked.
"Keep a lookout." I replied. "I can't move my hand. If they come again, you'll have to see them off. Can you do that?". He nodded, and took up a position just a little way away, on top of the ridge, just like Jack would have. I choked back a sob as I realised how amazed Jack would be that Daniel had actually remembered something Jack told him. I'm not afraid that Daniel will let us down. I saw his face when he threatened to kill the dying Apophis if he didn't tell him where Sha're was. He'd have done it then, and I know he'll kill now to protect us. No, I'm afraid that Jack will never wake up to realise how much he has taught Danny, how Danny's changed from the boy he took to Abydos.
My leg was going numb. I shifted it slightly to get the blood flowing again, and Jack's eyelids flickered. "Colonel?" I whispered. "Colonel, can you hear me?"
"Sara?" he whispered, and my heart contracted. After all we had been through together, all that I felt for him, all that I had thought he felt for me, he still called for her! It hurt so much more than last time. Last time I only had a vague idea of what I felt for him. Now I knew. I was certain in my feelings for him, and I'd hoped he felt the same way. I'd been wrong. Still, the man was dying ... no, not dying, injured! I had to give him what help I could. Once again, I bent my head down to his ear and whispered gently, "I'm here Jack."
"I'm sorry Sara."
"Why?"
"Because I don't love you any more."
It got late, and dark. I could see Teal'c in the valley below. He was almost at the Stargate. Daniel came down to me. "We need to keep him warm." I said.
"If we light a fire, the Jaffa will see us. Have you got a blanket?"
I shook my head. "We were only supposed to be here a couple of hours." I said. "I do have some stimulant, in the first aid kit. If we give it to him, it might help his own body keep him warm."
"What about you?"
"It doesn't matter about me."
"Yes it does." he replied, and he took his jacket off and put it round my shoulders. I smiled gratefully, and he rummaged in my pack, pulling out a pre-loaded syringe. "Is this it?"
I nodded. "You'll have to do it. I can't move. One hand is under his head, and the other..." my voice trailed off, but he knew what I meant. The other was inside him, holding his life by the slenderest of threads.
"I've never done it before. What do I do?"
"Just stick it in a muscle and press the plunger."
He looked dubious, but did it. "What will happen now?" he asked.
"His heart will speed up, sending the blood faster round his body. It should warm him up. He may even wake up."
Daniel nodded. "I'll be over here if you need me." he said, resuming his former watchful position on the ridge. Then, we both saw it, on the other side of the valley. The stargate flashed. Someone had gone through. "Teal'c." murmured Daniel.
I nodded. "He took an hour to get there. Fifteen minutes for Janet to assemble her team, another hour to get here, and ..."
"And it'll all be alright, Sam." Daniel said gently. I nodded, and looked down at Jack, mostly to hide the tears welling in my eyes. An hour! It was so long. I wasn't convinced he could make it. Sure he was strong willed, hell, he was downright stubborn, but even the strongest will can't keep a life going when the blood is gone and the heart stops. I could feel his heart beating faster, which in one way is good, as it'll keep him warm. In another way it's bad though. With the blood flow stronger, more of it is making it's way past my hand. I can now feel a steady flow of blood on my leg, whereas before there was only the occasional drip. His life is slipping through my hands, and I can't stop it. I can't help it, I'm tired and I hurt, and the man I love is dying in my arms, and there's no way to stop it. One tear escapes, and falls on his cheek.
"Hey, is it raining?"
He's awake! Oh thank you God. "Hello Sir. How are you feeling?" Stupid question I know, but I can't think of anything else to say.
"OK. A bit numb. Where's Danny and Teal'c? Are they ok?" Typical of him, to put his team before himself.
"Teal'c's gone back to get Janet, and Danny's keeping watch."
"Danny is?" he asked, incredulous. I smiled at his surprise.
"Oh yes sir."
"When is it your turn?"
"I'm not taking a watch Sir." I replied, not sure if he's asking as the Colonel, or the injured man who wants me to stay.
"Why?"
I'm tempted to lie, but I can't do it. I've never lied to this man, and I can't start now. Besides, he's looking straight up at me, and I know he can see what I'm thinking. He's always been able to do that. "Because Sir, my hand is inside you, holding you together, and I can't move."
"Oh." He closes his eyes for a moment. I don't think he can feel any pain, but I think he's trying to feel me inside him.
"Sir?"
He opened his eyes and smiles at me. "Sam, you've got your hand in my guts. You can stop calling me Sir."
I smiled. I'm amazed that at this moment he is trying to make ME feel better, make ME smile. At that moment, the Stargate flashed. At last.
"Janet will be here soon." I whispered. "Try to hold on."
"Shouldn't I be in more pain?" he asked. I hate to tell him the answer. He should be, and I know why he isn't. His body is shutting down bit by bit. It's scarred, and tired by too much pain and suffering inflicted on it throughout the years, and it's had enough.
"Sir, I..."
"Please Sam, I know what's happening." I looked down into those eyes, those beautiful eyes that used to fill with concern and affection for me, that sparkled with laughter for me, that constantly watched me. "Sam, I've got to tell you something. Well, ask you something."
"Please Sir, no deathbed revelations." It was supposed to be a joke. It wasn't funny, but he makes an effort and smiles.
"Do you remember, long ago,during our first year together, Daniel and I were captured? And you disobeyed my orders and came back for us?"
"Yes sir?" I remember it only vaguely. There's been so many missions, so many rescues, that they all blur into one after a while. Still, all that's important is to keep him talking. As long as he's talking, he's awake and alive.
"I remember, Jack." Daniel said. I hadn't realised he was listening.
"Jack, you promised.."
"I think now's the time Danny. Sam, I just want to know...how long have you loved me?"
Oh my God. Oh my God! I looked up at Danny. He was looking very sheepish.
Danny must have noticed, told him. How long have I loved him? I can't remember. I can't remember a time when I didn't. It didn't happen all at once, in a blinding flash. It just came on slowly, or rather the realisation that I loved him came on slowly.
"Because." he said, and I had to strain to hear his voice, it is now so weak, "I have loved you since the very first moment you smiled at me."
He loves me. The man I've wanted, dreamed of, needed for so long loves me. I haven't imagined the little moments that meant so much to me. He's felt the same way too, for so long, and now he's dying in my arms.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked. I was crying freely now, the tears running down my face and falling onto his cheek. He reached up to brush them away, but he didn't have the energy, and his hand just fell on my lap. I could feel the blood running out of his system, pooling around my legs. It was running slower now, not because it was finally clotting, but because there wasn't much of it left.
"Didn't know." he whispered hoarsely. "Danny made me see. Should have said sooner. Sorry."
"Don't be sorry. Just stay. Stay with me!." I held him close, and kissed him, our first kiss (not including that virus-caused travesty). I felt him respond for a just a second, then he went limp. "Stay." I whispered into his ear, gently. "Stay with me. Forever. Please Jack, stay."
Daniel shook my shoulder.
"Sam, Janet's here."
I looked up, and moved away from Jack's body. The vital alive man I had known was gone. In its place was a cold grey shell. In place of that sarcastic, sometimes tender voice, there was only mocking silence. In place of those expressive, loving eyes, there was only hollow darkness.
"You're too late." I said as Janet fell to her knees beside him.
"He's been dead twenty minutes. You'll never get him back now."
I got up, and limped away. In my mind, all I could hear was his final faint heartbeats. I would hear them forever.
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