The Magnificent Adventures of a Magical Fish
The Magnificent Adventures of a Magical Fish
by Teri K.
Title: The Magnificent Adventures of a Magical Fish
Author: Teri K.
Email: HerOpalDragoness@aol.com
Category: Humor
Season: Season 3
Pairing: Daniel/Sam, UST
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
SUMMARY: Ooh, time for the yearly SGC psyche evaluations....
SPOILERS: 3rd Season, nothing specific
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sam's a Major, Danny's ALIVE, no known Jack/Sam UST, etc. Very Slight D/S
DISCLAIMER:The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.
Just a little psyche evaluation....
"We have to do what?"
"Make up a story, Sir, together."
"Why?"
"It's supposed to test our characters, make sure we're matched well, Jack."
"We know we're matched well, for Chrissakes. We're a team!"
"Indeed. I do not understand exactly what we must do."
"As I told the Colonel, we have to make up a story together, taking turns. Like a round robin."
"I am not familiar with that term."
"Just watch us. Daniel, you go first?"
"Sure Sam. Are they recording us yet?"
"They are, Daniel Jackson."
"I can't believe Hammond is making us do this. What have I ever done to him? What? Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Er, no reason, Jack. Okay, here goes nothing-"
"How can nothing go anywhere, Daniel Jackson?"
"It's a figure of speech, Teal'c."
"ANYWAY, once upon a time-"
"Great, a freakin' fairy tale."
"Ahem. As I was saying, Jack, once apon a time in the wonderful land of...Chicago..."
"Go Bulls!"
"Sir, with all due respect, the Bulls just haven't been the same since Michael Jordan left."
"I know, Carter." Sigh. "I know."
"Ahem! In the wonderful land of Chicago there was a rather dull old man named Jonathon."
"Dull? OLD?! Danny-boy, just wait till it's my turn..."
"Ooh, I'm quivering in my boots..."
"BOYS! Behave!"
"Yes Ma'am!"
"Oh, sorry Sam."
"I have no reason to appologize."
"Anyway, the not-so-old Jonathon-"
"But still dull, eh?"
"Alright, the not so old or dull Jonathon, who preferred being called Jack because of his juvenile state of mind-"
"Hey, look at the wierd purple light over there.... Wait- juvenile? I'll show you juvenile, Danny-boy!"
"OW! Sam, he pinched me!"
"He started it!"
"Oh, for God's sake...I'LL go, now. This Jack of Chicago was a famous knight-"
"Why, thank you."
"And a chronic drunk."
"Don't forget I'm your CO, here, Carter."
"Jack had a younger brother, the renowned scholar Daniel."
"That's me!"
"No, no, no! You mean poor Jack's had to put up with his own Space-monkey all his life?"
"Sir, if you don't mind!"
"Carry on."
"I will! Okay, one day Daniel and Jack rode their steeds out to a nearby forest in order to hunt a deer."
"Hunt? Nah, make it fishing. Something I can actually do well."
"O'Neill, I recall that the last time you took me fishing, not a single animal was actually caught."
"Got ya there, Jack."
"Oh, for cryin' out loud...."
"So Jack and Daniel went fishing in the sacred Lake Tok'ra."
"They weren't offending anyone, were they? I mean, the natives might not like them fishing in their sacred lake."
"Danny, you and me are the natives."
"Right. We aren't breaking any laws then, are we? Taboo-"
"I give up! Sir, you go now."
"Alright! Finally!"
"And then I believe it is my turn."
"Right, Teal'c. You getting the hang of this?"
"I believe I am, Major Carter."
"So Daniel and Jack of Chicago go fishing at the sacred Lake Tok'ra, NOT breaking any laws. Er...er, Daniel is pathetic at the job-"
"Hey! How much ya wanna bet I can beat you in a real fishing trip?"
"Guys, it's just a story!"
"Tell that to Dannyboy."
"When it's my turn again...."
"Whatever. So, Danny can't catch a single fish, but Jack's already got ten."
"Hey Sam, is it just me or is this boring?"
"Daniel!"
"Sorry."
"Good. Anyway, they've been fishing for a while when Daniel finally catches a fish-"
"Yes! Go me!"
"Except that fish is magical. Okay, Teal'c, your turn."
"I do not understand the concept of a magical fish, O'Neill."
"Oh. Well, make it offer Jack and Danny three wishes, or something."
"How can a fish offer anything?"
"Oh, for... It's a magic fish. It can talk."
"Ah. Daniel the Scholar of Chicago has caught a magical fish. The fish offers him three wishes. Daniel, being the wise and generous man he is, offers the first wish to Jack the Knight of Chicago."
"Aw, how sweet, Danny!"
"Don't get too excited, Jack. I'm just testing it on you."
"Daniel Jackson, I will allow you to continue the story at this point in time."
"Thanks. So, Jack being the blockhead he is, wished to have a thousand wishes."
"Hey, how's that blockheaded? I'd do that."
"I know you would, Jack. That's why I had the knight ask that. Anyway, the fish was a tricky fish, and decided to fool Jack. So the magic fish, who's name was Flounder-"
"..."
"..."
"Shut up, Jack. And you too, Sam."
"I believe I have seen the 'movie' you are alluding to. It contained a 'mermaid' and several singing sea creatures."
"Well, Flounder turned Jack into another magic fish-"
"WHAT?! I am not a fish!"
"Colonel! It's just a story!"
"Hmph."
"See, Jack could have a thousand wishes given to him, ones that he could grant as a magic fish."
"Flounder's going down."
"Sir, I can't believe you just said that."
"Neither can I, Carter, neither can I."
"Okay, Sam, you go."
"Thanks, Daniel. What do we have so far? Okay, Jack the Knight of Chicago and his brother Daniel the Scholar went to the sacred Lake Tok'ra to fish. Daniel caught a fish that offered him three wishes. Jack took the first wish, resulting in Jack turning into a magical fish."
"Sounds about right, Sam."
"Good. So, after Daniel finished laughing-"
"You laughed at me!?"
"Hey, Sam made me do it! It wasn't my fault!"
"Like I'm gonna believe that."
"As I was saying, after Daniel stopped laughing, he wished for Jack to become human again."
"Like I'd waste a wish on that."
"Listen, Space-monkey-"
"But the magic fish Flounder leapt back into the lake, where he commenced frolicking with Jack and all the other magic fish."
"Wait- are you saying I was jipped?!"
"Sorry, Daniel. So Daniel, distraught, decided to go to the magic Jaffa Forest, where he found a wiseman in a hut named Teal'c."
"Was the hut or the wiseman named Teal'c, Major Carter?"
"Hmm? Oh, the wiseman. Sorry. So Teal'c the Wiseman of Jaffa Forest in Chicago was intrigued-"
"Breathe, Carter!"
"My name is quite extensive."
"Ya think?"
"So Teal'c the WOJFIC-"
"WOJFIC?"
"Wiseman of Jaffa Forest in Chicago, Sir."
"Ah."
"So Teal'c was intrigued by Jack and Daniel's plight. He decided to accompany Daniel on a quest to return Jack to his former state. He told Daniel that they would have to defeat the, uh, awful demon Apophis and take it's, er, treasure to find a way to turn Jack back. So Teal'c the WOJFIC grabbed his magic Staffweapon and set out with Daniel to, er, Chulac City."
"My turn! So while I'm swimming around, having a grand old time as a fish-"
"Daniel, if looks could kill-"
"I'd be dead, Sam, I know."
"Kids! Right, so it took a while to get to Chulac City. Once they were there, they, they, they went to an...oracle to ask what would happen if they did go after the treasure, and ask how to defeat the, er, dreaded Apophis. The oracle was a tall blond woman named Samantha Carter. She answered the questions given her in her strange language called Technobabble-ese, a language only those with genius IQ's could understand."
"I believe it is now my 'turn', O'Neill. Samantha Carter, who was wise and beautiful as well as a warrior-"
"Why, thank you, Teal'c!"
"Oh, for cryin' out loud...."
"Ahem. Samantha Carter answered both Teal'c the Wiseman of Jaffa Forest in Chicago and Daniel the Scholar in her language, Technobabble-ese. Daniel, in possession of an IQ exceeding that of a genius, was able to understand her with ease. Apparently, the treasure was hidded in the Cave of Asgard, protected by the Goa'uld Guards and the demon Apophis. As to how to defeat Apophis, Samantha Carter could not say, but she asked to join the small party in order to save Jack the Knight and Magical Fish of Chicago."
"Okay, I go now, right?"
"Yes, Daniel."
"Jeez, Jack, take it easy. So Daniel immediately agreed to having the Wise and Beautiful Oracle and Amazon Samantha Carter-" There were several moments of stunned silence here.
"Carter, what the hell was that?!"
"Oh...."
"Danny, are you alright? What'd you do to him, Carter?!"
"I believe Major Carter kissed Daniel Jackson on the mouth, and he reciprocated, O'Neill."
"I can see that, Teal'c. I wanna know why Danny looks like he's about to pass out."
"Jack, shut up. Sam-"
"...."
"...."
"Oh, for crying out loud! Get a room!"
"O'Neill, we are in a room."
"Danny, Carter, at least tell me if I get turned back to a human eventually?"
"Hmm? Ohh, suuurre...Sam, let's go...."
"Yeah...."
"Major, Doctor, where the hell are you going? For that matter, what the hell are you doing?! This is a psyche evaluation!"
"Oh, hey, General. Danny and Carter are gonna go...evaluate...each other in private."
"Why me...?"
"General?"
"O'Neill, why is General Hammond crying?"
"I'll tell you when you're older, Teal'c. So...how 'bout them Bulls?"
"To which 'bulls' do you refer?"
"Oh, for cryin' out loud...."
So? Was it at all funny? Or humorous, even? Should I write a sequel? Could you follow this? Should I just shut up now? Yeah.... Um, so, how bout dem Sox.... (In case you can't tell, I'm a native of Chicago.) Oh, constructive criticism a MUST! So are any and all reviews, be they complements or (shudder) flames.
Email me at: HerOpalDragoness@aol.com or adduccima@aol.com. Please. Even if just to tell me I'm deranged and a danger to society.
I do not suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Teri K.
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