The Light Letters
by Sue Corkill and Wendy Parkinson
Title: The Light Letters
Authors: Sue Corkill & Wendy Parkinson
Email: scorkill@earthlink.net; wendy.parkinson@ntlworld.com
Category: Dan&Jan Romance
Status: Complete
Rating: PG-13
Content Warning: M/F
Season/Sequel info: Fourth Season
Spoilers: The Light
Archive: Dan&Jan; Heliopolis
Summary: Daniel's enforced stay on P4X-347 puts a damper on his relationship with Janet.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Feedback: Cheerfully accepted.
Author's notes:
Wendy: Sue deserves the majority of the credit for this - the original idea was all hers and she was kind enough to ask me to join in. For those of you interested in these kind of things - I took care of Daniel (tough job but someone's got to do it
Sue: I was thrilled when Wendy agreed to collaborate on this story idea, it made it so much more interesting to reply to each 'letter' as it arrived. I hope that you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed writing it!
Copyright © M. Susan Corkill & Wendy Parkinson, May 2001
Three weeks! Three long weeks without Daniel. She'd gotten use to having him aroundshe liked having him aroundshe wanted to have him around! Deciding there was only one thing to do, Dr. Janet Fraiser sat down at her desk and taking out a pad and pen, began to write.
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My dearest Daniel,
I can barely find the words, my darling, to tell you the overwhelming relief and joy I felt when the Colonel finally called Hammond to tell us that you were alive. Daniel, I still get chills, when I think how close I came to losing you. And your recovery wasn't even due to anything I had done for you. You lay dying, in my infirmary, surrounded by the latest and greatest medical technology has to offer, and all I could was stand byhelplesslyand watch as you drifted further and further from my grasp. All my knowledge and skill couldn't save you. If O'Neill hadn't returned, if we hadn't, well, gotten lucky and guessed that returning you to the planet might save your life, I can hardly bear think about what could have happened.
Oh Daniel, seeing you for only a few minutes over the MALP video feed, looking over the general's shoulder, isn't enough! I need to touch you, feel your warm skin beneath my fingers, hear your heart beating with my own ears, stare into your beautiful blue eyesoh gad! I sound like a lovesick teenager! You know what I mean, darling, I can't wait until your exile is over and I can satisfy for myself that you're really all right. Okayenough! Now, on to the practical stuff.
Teal'c gave me your list, I should be able to get to your place tonight to get all the things you want. Do you really need all those books? Never mindof course you do. And yes, I'll stop at the office supply store and get you those notebooks you like. But honey, wouldn't it be easier if you just used the laptop? I'll see what kind of battery operated pencil sharpeners they have too. I'm not sure where I've stored Cassie's first reading books, it may take me few days to find those. What do you want them for, anyway? And of course, I'll get your mail and water those poor things you call your houseplants.
You know Cassie will understand why you can't drive her and her friends for their Saturday ski day at Breckenridge. She's just glad you're all right. I've already asked Jennifer's father if he can take them and he was happy to help. Though, he did say something about expecting you to return the favor this summerwhen it's time to take them on their bike trip at Mount Princeton. I'm sorry darling, I know you'd rather ski than bike!
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"Doctor Fraiser?"
"Hmm, Teal'c?"
"I am scheduled to return to P4X-347 in twenty minutes."
"Just give me a few more minutes, okay?"
"Very well."
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Well darling, Teal'c is here to collect this letter. Please, humor me and don't work too hardyou were very ill and even the small reductions you're programming into that, thatblasted device, may have a stronger affect on you than the others.
Love you!
Janet
XOXOXO
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Dear Janet,
I'm missing you like crazy. I'm not sure if your letter made me feel better or worse - better to hear from you but worse to remember what I was missing. Thanks for the books and stuff. Tell Cassie I'll take her on the bike trip. Just remind me to learn to ride a bike first.
While I'm dealing with the practical stuff - could you feed my fish? You know how much food to put in - you've seen me do it often enough. Don't forget they only need food every couple of days and it's better to underfeed than overfeed and poison the tank with rotting, uneaten fish food.
I just read that back. Sorry, I sound like an overanxious father, don't I? They're only fish when all's said and done. I trust you to look after them. Honestly, I do.
The reading books are for the kid we found here, Loran - Sam's teaching him to read. That is, when she's not disappearing for hours on end with Jack. I haven't figured out where they go and I'm not sure I want to. I feel enough of a third wheel as it is. In a way, I'm glad Loran is here, at least it gives me someone else to talk to who doesn't look like they want me to be somewhere else. Sam and Jack don't say anything; it's the looks they give each other when they think I'm not paying attention. Sometimes it's subtle - kind of 'I think you're nice, shame *he's* here'. Sometimes it's 'I want to rip your clothes off now, I'm not sure if I care who's watching' which, as you can imagine, makes me feel more than a little awkward. Don't get me wrong, I don't think they know they're doing it, so I'm not annoyed with them and I don't want you to be either. So no planning strange and interesting medical procedures to do on Jack when we get back, okay?
When I'm not working (and don't worry, I'm not overdoing it!) I spend some of my time sitting with Loran and telling him about Earth. But he goes off on his own too sometimes. I think he needs to adjust to people being around again and sometimes he just needs some space. At night, I just lie on my bedroll, stare at the ceiling and imagine you're with me.
I'm going to have to go. Jack has prepared dinner.
Did you send indigestion tablets?
love Daniel
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Doctor Fraiser, here are the specimens you requested."
Janet looked up as Teal'c entered her office, a biohazard bag filled with blood tubes in his hand. "Thanks, Teal'c." She looked expectantly at him. "Is that all?" She could have sworn he actually smirked at her as he reached into his inside jacket pocket and pulled out an envelope and handed it to her.
Smiling, she snatched the envelope out of his hand. "Thank you," she muttered, so intent on the letter she barely noticed his departure from her office. 'Dr. Janet Fraiser' was scrawled across the front of the envelope in Daniel's' distinctive handwriting. She eagerly opened the envelope and began to read.
Fifteen minutes later, she still sat at her desk, staring at his letter. She wasn't sure what to think. Of course, she'd feed his damn fish, didn't that go without saying? And she didn't really give a rat's ass about Sam and the Colonel. She didn't care about their relationshipwhatever it wasshe cared about her relationship. After a few more moments, she neatly folded the letter and put it back in the envelope. Teal'c wasn't due to take supplies back to P4X-347 for thirty-six hours, she had plenty of time to think about her reply.
Janet sighed, curling up on the sofa with her note pad and a pen. Cassie was finally in bed, after procrastinating over her homework, and she could sit in peace and quiet and write Daniel. But what to say? She'd obviously over-reacted and gone way over the top in her previous letter to him. But, she had thought after their last evening together, that she meant more to him than just someone to feed his fish. She desperately wished now that she had been able to stay with him; but she couldn't leave Cassie home alone at night. She would have liked nothing better than to have stayed curled up in his armsoh god, she sounded clingy and needybetter back off a bit, she rationalized. Looking at her watch, she saw it was after midnight, better start writing....
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Dear Daniel,
Cassie and I took care of things at your apartment tonight. The fish are fine, tank temperature okay. The plants are looking pretty healthy too. Mrs. Finch asked after you. When we got home, we dug around in the back closet and found Cassie's beginning readers, they'll be in this supply shipment. Oh, and some antacids and ranitidinefor when the Colonel's cooking gets to be too much for you!
Sounds like you're having plenty of time to catch up on your reading and research. I imagine it is kind of hard for Loran to have people around him now, after being alone for so many years. I know the General is working on a relocation plan for him. Has he been able to remember the glyphs of his home world?
Cassie's most recent World History homework assignment was to write a description of daily life in ancient Mesopotamia. Of course, she waited until the last minute to startfor which she was sorry because she had been counting on your helpand so was I! But, I think she managed to write an acceptable paper. I printed out a copy for you.
Since you're off world and this weekend is Cassie's ski trip, I decided to give Tim Warner a break and took his weekend shifts and call. Cassie will spend Saturday night with Jennifer, so I don't have to worry about her. No teams are due back, so it should be a quiet weekendI hope. It'll give me more time to study the blood samples Teal'c brought back, maybe I'll be able to predict when you'll be able to return to Earth by extrapolating how quickly your dopamine levels are returning to normal.
I miss you.
Love, Janet
XOXOXO
P.S. Cassie wanted me to send you the picture.
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She picked up the snapshot off the end table and studied it. It showed the three of them at Pike's Peak, they'd spent a Saturday there several weeks earlier. When they had finally reached the summit, a kindly person had taken their picture, so all three of them could be in it. She and Cassie stood on either side of Daniel; he had an arm around each of them. Cassie and she were laughing, while Daniel had an indulgent smile on his face. She hoped she wasn't being too presumptuous in sending the picture, at least it had been Cassie who had first suggested that he might like to have a picture to remember them by. Janet couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that she'd already humiliated herself enough with that last letter. Sighing, she folding her latest missive and tucked it, and the picture, in the waiting envelope. Oh, she missed him so much.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Teal'c entered the room, and noticing Daniel was scribbling furiously in a notebook and was totally unaware of his presence, cleared his throat. The archaeologist looked up and smiled. "Daniel Jackson, I have a letter for you," said the Jaffa, holding out an envelope.
"Thanks, Teal'c," said Daniel. He took the letter from the Jaffa, who nodded and left the room. The archaeologist puffed out his cheeks. He really wasn't sure if he wanted to read this after what Janet had said last time. She'd seemed a little... well... not to put too fine a point on it... overemotional... and he wasn't sure how to deal with it. If he was honest with himself, he had to admit he hadn't dealt with it, he'd tried to ignore what she'd said.
He slipped his finger beneath the flap of the envelope and began to prize it open.
Daniel looked up from his notepad and smiled at the photograph he'd propped up with a pile of books. Janet's beautiful face smiled back at him. Relief had washed over him, as he'd read her letter. Thank goodness she seemed to be behaving like her normal self now.
Perhaps she'd been overtired... or perhaps it was what happened that last night they'd been together before he'd come on the mission with SG-5. He really didn't know what to make of that night. It had all been so unexpected, so sudden. But in its way, it felt so right. It was just a shame how it had ended.
He carried on with his letter.
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Dear Janet,
Thank you so much for the photo. It's wonderful to see your smiling face. Thank Cassie for me, won't you? And could you tell her that I have no idea why she thought she needed my help with the paper on Mesopotamia - she did just fine on her own.
Things here are much the same as the last time I wrote. Jack and Sam are still disappearing for hours on end and coming back (eventually) looking like the cats that got the cream. Personally, I'm thinking they're taking the idea that this place is a 'pleasure palace' literally.
Loran is progressing well with his reading. I've taken over teaching him as he can never find Sam when he wants to know something. Any more books you could hunt out would be gratefully received - anything about Earth would be great as it looks like he's going to be staying. At least for now, he can't remember the glyphs to take him back to his home planet.
Daniel stopped and chewed the end of his pen. If Janet had been overemotional because of what had happened between them, perhaps he ought to say something. His mind drifted back to that night at his apartment and he smiled to himself. Then he remembered how it had ended. He shuddered. That still stung. He had no idea why she had done it. Perhaps she'd had second thoughts, perhaps they'd moved too fast. But in her first letter she didn't sound like someone who was having second thoughts. She'd given the impression of the exact opposite. Daniel let out a deep breath. Maybe he should say something. Clear the air. Ask her why she did what she did. But how could he put it so she didn't get upset? Or even worse, misunderstand him? He frowned. No, if he said something he could do more harm than good. After all, she couldn't be *that* upset - she was still talking to him. It was better not to mention it. He'd talk to her when he got back.
A voice penetrated his thoughts. "Daniel, are you busy?"
Well, Janet, I'm going to have to go. Loran's asked me to listen to him read. I wonder if this is what it's like to have kids? I guess I'll find out one day.
Looking forward to hearing from you soon - do you know yet when we can come home?
Love Daniel
P.S. Thank you for the indigestion remedies - I'm not sure what dinner *actually* was today but I was told it was 'MRE a la O'Neill'. As usual, it tasted like chicken but it had an unusual spicy tang that was kind of worrying....
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Janet sat at her desk, fidgeting restless with her stethoscope. Laid out before her were the two letters Daniel had written her. When she had retired to her office, after the last urgent matter requiring her attention, she had hoped to make quick work of her return letter. And, here she was, nearly an hour later staring at a blank piece of paper. She just wasn't sure what to say. The last time she'd actually talked to him had been strangenow she knew he'd been experiencing withdrawal from the Goa'uld device, but at the time....
"Daniel!" she had exclaimed, delighted to see him. "When did you get back?" He continued by her, as if he hadn't heard her. She reached out to take hold of his arm, "Daniel?"
He tried to shake her hand off, as replied sharply, "Not now, Jan."
She had gripped his arm tighter, "Daniel, what's wrong?" She'd gotten a sick feeling in her stomach, "Is it because of what happened last week?"
She hadn't thought his eyes could be so cold, as he answered her. "Last week? Oh...." His voice hardened. "What do you want from me? A profession of undying love and devotion?"
She had let her hand drop from his arm at his harsh tone. "No, I mean..." she had started, only to be interrupted.
"You were good, Jan." His tone had turned insolent then; "I'll give you that." And with those hurtful words, he stalked off, muttering, "It obviously didn't mean that much to one of us."
She'd been terribly hurt, but now she knew it been the imbalance in his brain chemistry. She had known, even at the time, that Daniel would never say anything so cruel. If anything it only intensified her guilt, she should have realized then, that something was drastically wrong with him! That didn't explain, however, the tone of his letters. Friendlyyes. Affectionateyes. He did say he missed her and imagined he was with her; he did close with 'love'but then, so did everyone. No, there was nothingspecialin his words to her. And it hurt, all the more, coming hard on the heels of that last evening together. She had let him into places she had kept closed off since her marriage had ended. Maybe she needed to try a more direct approach; right, she thought, confront the man that you've been seeing for less than a month in a LETTER? She let the stethoscope fall to her lap, and picking up a pen, began to write.
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Dearest Daniel,
I'm afraid the initial work I've done on your blood samples indicates it's still going to be about two more weeks before you can return home. You're levels are dropping, but not as quickly as I would have hoped. Don't turn the device down any more rapidly than you are. The four of you seem to be adjusting to the gradually lowered levels with minimal side affects. I'll have Teal'c bring back some more samples in about four days, maybe they'll show something different.
I've managed to round up a few more books for Loran, including a couple about Earth and the United States. I'll have Cassie check the school library for more next week. Speaking of Cassie, she called tonight, and they're having a great time on the ski tripthey even had fresh powder today.
So far it's been pretty uneventful around the infirmary. SG-9 is out on a mission, but they rarely have injuries (must be nice being in the diplomatic team, eh)? The only remotely serious 'doctoring' I've had to do was about two hours ago when Sergeant Siler cut his hand and needed stitches. What he was doing, working on that MALP at 2300, is beyond me!
Daniel, I do miss you. When I think about our last evening together, what we said, what we did. I know it's been kind of sudden, and I also know now that you weren't yourself when I talked to you last at the SGC, I hope that we can still be friends. Maybe your being stuck on P4X-347 is a good thing, in a way. We have to slow things down a bit.
Take careand for heaven's sake, take the ranitidine! MRE ala O'Neill sounds hazardous toanyone'shealth!
Love, Janet
XOXOXO
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Janet looked glumly at the last sentence. She didn't really feel that way; she didn't want to slow down. She loved him and wanted to shout it to the worldand to him. But, the object of her love didn't seem to have the same inclination.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Daniel stared sightlessly at the letter. He'd spoken to her when he was going through withdrawal? What the hell had he said? He couldn't remember anything after yelling at General Hammond. She now said she only wanted to be friends. Was that because of something he'd said to her? The thought that he might have hurt her tore at his heart, unleashing a wave of frustration at being stuck on this godforsaken rock. He threw his notebook violently across the room, then slumped forwards, clutching his head in his hands.
He had to write back... now... before Teal'c went back to the SGC.
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Dear Janet,
I don't know what I said to you when I was suffering withdrawal. I can't even remember meeting you. Whatever it was, I didn't mean it. It wasn't me. Only a few hours after I must have seen you, Jack tells me I was ready to throw myself off my balcony. I'm telling you this to show you that I wasn't myself. Suicide is not something I have ever contemplated, even in my darkest moments.
I know at the back of your mind, you must think that there was a grain of truth in whatever hurtful thing it was I said. Please believe me when I say that I would never intentionally hurt you.
Your friend,
Daniel
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"Doctor Fraiser?"
Janet looked up from the chart she had been studying. "Teal'c." She handed the chart to the nurse and walked over to where the Jaffa waited. "I thought Doctor Warner was suppose to check you out."
He inclined his head to the petite doctor. "He is, however, Daniel Jackson was most insistent I deliver this to you immediately." He held out an envelope to her. She hesitated a moment before taking the missive from him. "Doctor Fraiser?"
Janet looked up at his somber face.
"Is all not well between you and Daniel Jackson?"
Janet looked thoughtfully at Teal'c before replying, "I'm not sure, Teal'c."
"If I may be of assistance..."
"Thank you, Teal'c." She gave him a slight smile; "You are helping by being our courier."
Janet watched as he walked over to where Doctor Warner waited. It wasn't good if Teal'c could pick up on her mood. And Daniel, she hadn't expected a letter from him so soon. Teal'c had only been gone two hours this trip. His next extended stay wasn't for seventy-two hours.
"Doctor Fraiser?"
"Yes, Matthews?"
"Sergeant Siler's here for his follow-up."
Tucking the letter in her lab coat pocket, she went to check out the Sergeant's hand.
Tears filled her eyesagainas she reread Daniel's letter. Her poor darling, oh why had she even mentioned that conversation? After her initial reaction to that long-ago outburst, she had been more confused than anything. And during their prolonged separation, she had let herself begin to doubt everything she knew about this wonderful man that she loved. She had fretted and stewed for the past two days, even Cassie had been puzzled by her mood. Teal'c was returning to the planet the next day, she needed to write Daniel.
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Dear Daniel,
Of course I know you would never intentionally hurt me! After we figured out you and SG-5 were suffering some sort of withdrawal, I knew you couldn't be held responsible for what you had said. I guess I thought that our making love would have brought us closer together, but it seems to have had the opposite effect. It had been a long time for me, Daniel. I just don't want you to have been disappointed.
Daniel, I know that no relationship is without its rough spots, our current situation sure seems to fall into that category. How I wish I could actually talk to youbut I doubt I can persuade Hammond to let me make a 'planet' call. Maybe the blood samples Teal'c brings back this trip will show your dopamine levels are returning to normal more rapidly than I had originally estimated.
I guess I better fill you in on some of the practical stuff. Last time I checked out your apartment, everything was finefish and plants all alive. I'll go there again day after tomorrow. Cassie is sending a 'care package' for Loran. She's gathered some items and books that she thinks will help him once he gets here to Earth. I've checked through the contents and approvethough I have to wonder about the value of the Twinkies. She also sends you her love.
Nothing terribly new or exciting at work, which translates into no serious injuries or alien viruses. I'm actually getting caught up on some of my research projects. Cassie says I'm working too hard, she may be right. I find it helps the time pass more quickly if I stay busy.
Daniel, I just feel so helpless, as if I'm on this raft in the middle of the ocean, drifting further and further away from youand I don't want that to happen! Please darling, just know that I love you and we can work through this. You should be home (I hope), in a minimum of ten days. We can make it until then!
Love, Janet
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Daniel read the letter again. 'Drifting further and further away?' 'Rough spots?' What on earth was she talking about? If she had forgiven him for whatever it was he said when he was under withdrawal, what was bugging her? It certainly wasn't anything he'd done. She was the one with the problem. It was her that had left his bed in the middle of the night without saying a word. Angrily, he screwed the letter into a ball and hurled it across the room. In a mindless haze, he rummaged through Cassie's care package and ate one of Loran's Twinkies.
Instantly regretting the Twinkie, he took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose. Perhaps he was being a little harsh. Now *he* was overreacting, probably because of the withdrawal. It was only an hour or so since Sam had turned the device down a notch. He was probably feeling its effect. With a deep sigh he stood up, walked across the room and retrieved the crumpled letter. Going back to his seat, he spread it on the table and smoothed it out.
Daniel smiled to himself when he realized Janet had said she loved him. He'd kind of missed that when he'd read it before. Then his expression turned to a frown when he remembered what she'd said in her last letter. They were moving too fast and needed to slow down. To him making love with Janet had been magical but her actions made it seem like she didn't feel the same. If he thought about this carefully, perhaps he could work out why she wasn't happy.
She said she loved him, so she wasn't mad at him in general. It had to have something to do with that night at his apartment. She'd left his bed without so much as a goodbye. When he'd woken up the next morning she'd gone. Didn't she care enough to stay? He looked at her letter again. She'd hoped making love would have brought them closer together but it hadn't. Daniel let out a long breath. He thought it had. Perhaps he hadn't lived up to her expectations... perhaps he wasn't 'good in bed'... perhaps... perhaps....
Daniel shook his head. He didn't relish the thought of trying to second guess Janet for the next ten days, or however long it was before he could go home. If only he could speak to her in person, he was sure they could work this out. All he knew was that he loved her and he'd do anything to make this relationship work, even if it meant 'slowing down'. But he didn't want to slow down. He wanted to be with her all the time and he didn't care if the whole world knew it. He wanted to shout 'I love Doctor Janet Fraiser' from the rooftops.
He took out his notepad and began to write.
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Dear Janet,
I'm not sure I'm in a good enough emotional state right now to have a serious conversation about our relationship. Today I found myself getting angry for no real reason just after Sam had turned the device down a notch but after your last letter I'm worried about you and feel I have to say something.
I want you to know that I'm willing to wait for you no matter how long it takes for you to get used to the idea of me being in your life. I can see now that what happened that night at my apartment was too much too soon for you. I'm sorry. I'll take things as slow as you want.
Onto practical stuff - thanks for the care package and for looking after my place. Could you do me a huge favor and get the large green notebook from my bedroom and send it in the next package of supplies? There are some notes in there I could use for cross-referencing some stuff I'm working on. The notebook should be on the bedside table. Thanks.
I have to make a confession - I'm afraid I've eaten one of the Twinkies Cassie sent for Loran. I really wish I hadn't. But on the positive side, at least it didn't taste like chicken!
Send Cassie my love.
Yours always,
Daniel
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Hi there, little fishies." Janet shook in, what she sincerely hoped, was the correct amount of fish food. She must have been doing okay so farno dead fish and nice clear water. She puttered around Daniel's' apartment a bit more, when her chores finally took her to his bedroom. His bedroom...the place where she thought she had experienced one of the best moments of her life. Now she wasn't so sure.... She stood in the doorway for a minute, then took a deep breath and entered the room. A large, green notebook on the bedside table, he had said. Janet frowned; there wasn't anything on the nightstand except a lamp, clock radio and a fine layer of dust. Investigating further, she finally saw it, wedged between the nightstand and the bedstead. As she pulled the notebook out from its location partway under the bed, she realized something else was there too. Sticking her hand back down, she rummaged around and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. The paper looked familiar...she smoothed it out. It was the note she'd left for Daniel as he'd slept, the evening they'd made love, when she'd had to leave.
As she stared at the note, everything fell into place. She instinctively knew that, for whatever reason, he had never seen the note. Had she placed it on the green notebook that night? She had used a piece of paper out of the notebook to write the note, she couldn't really remember though, what she had done with the note and notebookshe only knew she'd had to leave in a hurry...and hadn't wanted to wake him. Her heart sankhe thought she had just left him, without saying good-bye, without saying anything! She slumped to the bed; no wonder he had been so subdued in his letters. She also understood the basis for his comments to her when he'd been in withdrawal. He must think that their lovemaking had meant nothing to her, when in fact, it had meant everything. Any other man, including her ex-husband, wouldn't have let a slight like that go unnoticed, especially after her recent attitude towards him! She knew she didn't deserve someone has kind and wonderful and understanding as Daniel.
Her hands shook as she reread Daniel's last letter, trying to figure out what he'd left unsaid. He was angryall right; she could fully understand that. He had every right to be angry with her. Now that she knew he hadn't received her note, she seriously doubted his mood swing had been caused by the reduction in the device. Neither the Colonel, Sam or Loran had yet to report feeling any symptoms so far when the 'dosage' had been reduced. And he ate some junk foodanother symptom of his frustration and angertowards her, she realized glumly. Plus,hewas sorry! Here she had been pushing him about their relationship, blithely assuming that everything was well, when he obviously felt hurt and confused regarding his perception of her actions that nightand yet he still felt he had to apologize to her! The whole situation was a mess! Okay, pull yourself together, she instructed. Through no fault of yoursor Daniel'syou have found yourselves in the midst of amajorfailure to communicate. Teal'c wasn't scheduled to return to P4X-347 for forty-eight hours, she had plenty of time to work on her reply.
Forty-six hours later, Janet looked at her watch. No! I it couldn't be 1600 already! Teal'c would be leaving soon and she hadn't even started her letter. The last two days had been a non-stop marathon in the infirmary beginning with SG-8 returning with injuries and a dozen refugees in tow. She hadn't even been able to make it home; she'd had to get Mrs. Larson to spend the last two nights with Cassie. She made a quick survey of the wardall quiet, for now. "I'll be in my office," she called to the duty nurse as she hurriedly left the infirmary.
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My dearest Daniel,
I hardly know where to begin with this letter. When I went to your apartment the other day to feed the fish, etc. and get your green notebook I found somethingI thinkthat explains some of our relationship, ohI don't know if that's the right word. I wish I could tell you this instead of write it, but I want to clear the air. So maybe, it's a more of a communication problem. AnywayI'm babblingcan you babble while writing?
Oh help! What was wrong with her? All she needed to do was just tell him about the note. She, who was use to preparing and giving precise, objective reports couldn't tell herlover?what happened?
Okaythe evening we made love and I had to leave, I left you a note, explaining how I had to get home because of Cassie. Well, you can read it yourself; I've included it with this letter. Anyway, I found the note and your green notebook lodged between the bed and the nightstand. I just have this sick feeling that you never saw the note.... Oh Daniel, know that I would never have left you that night without saying anything! But you were sleeping, and I just couldn't bear to wake you. It all happened so suddenly, but nothing has ever felt as right as making love with you. Everything that has happened since we returned from Egypt has felt so rightokay, except for maybe the past two weeks. When you were going through withdrawal you asked me if I wanted a profession of undying love and devotion from you. My answer is that I want whatever you have to give mewhether that is friendship, love, companionship, or undying devotion. It may make me seem weak, that I'm willing to take whatever you want to give me, but I love you Danieland I just want the opportunity to share my life with you.
Janet
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Daniel felt a smile spread slowly across his face. He'd thought she'd... and she'd thought he'd.... He fought back the urge to laugh out loud with relief. What a pair they were! He looked again at the note that had fallen under the bed.
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Dearest:
I'm sorry I won't be here when you awaken, there is nothing I'd like better than to wake in your arms...but I do have a teenager at home, whom I can't leave alone at nightat least without significant pre-planning. Daniel, being with you has been the most wonderful thing to happen to me, well, I guess since I got Cassie. Thank you for the wonderful evening--and especially for the ending.
I love you,
Janet
He knew he had a few hours before Teal'c was due to go back. There was plenty of time to tell Janet exactly how he felt.
And he was going to make sure there was no room for misunderstandings.
My Dearest Janet,
Ever since I read your letter I know I've been grinning like an idiot. I'm just grateful Sam and Jack are off 'exploring' again or I'd never hear the last of it. I really wouldn't relish having to explain our misunderstandings of the last couple of weeks to someone else. Sorry, I'm rambling, aren't I? But you've made me so happy I don't really know what to say.
Perhaps I ought to tell you my side of the story? I'd thought that our night together hadn't lived up to your expectations and, as a result, you wanted to cool things down. I'm so glad I was wrong because, in answer to you, what I want to give you is me. All of me. Unconditionally. If you'll have me.
I'm sorry for not finding the note - perhaps if I was a tidier person, none of this mess would have happened. Thinking back, I remember being woken by the alarm that morning, and, in my haste to turn it off before it woke you, knocked the notebook, and I guess your note, off the nightstand. Before I had chance to retrieve it, I realized you had gone and everything else left my mind.
Do you know yet when I can come home? All I can think about is holding you in my arms and kissing you. I want to take down your hair, then run my fingers through it and kiss you on your lips and on your neck and behind your ear. I want to explore your body with my hands, slowly undressing you as I go. I want to pick you up and carry you to my bed.
I want to make love to you.
Know that I want you with every fiber of my being and I can't wait until we're together again.
I love you.
Daniel
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Mmm...she felt so warm and cozy and...loved. Janet slowly opened her eyes and was greeted by the slumbering face of her lover. Snuggling deeper into his embrace, she closed her eyes and smiled, remembering what it had taken to get back into his arms.
She stood in the gateroom, anxiously awaiting the return of SG-1 and Loran. The alien device had been completely shut down; their blood samples were clean. There was no medical reason for her to be in the gateroomonly her personal one, Doctor Daniel Jackson.
Suddenly the gate activated and Davis' voice sounded over the intercom, "Incoming traveler."
Glancing back towards the control room, she saw Hammond say something and then the Iris opened. She was so nervous, her hands shookshe felt like a teenager waiting for her first date. The last twenty days had been tumultuous, to say the least. And her emotions had gone up and down more times than a roller coaster! But her last letter from Daniel...oh my! She still got warm thinking about it.
The event horizon rippled and the MALP came lumbering down the ramp. Moment's later Sam appeared, a nervous looking boy clutching at her hand. Quick on her heels was O'Neill, who flashed his usual cocky grin. "Ah, home sweet home," he drawled.
Janet looked anxiously past the trio descending the ramp, smiling when she finally saw Daniel appear.
"Welcome back, SG-1." Hammond's voice boomed behind her. "And Loran."
The boy nodded at Hammond as O'Neill replied, "Good to be home, sir."
"Report to the infirmary, all of you." He looked at O'Neill, "And then I want to see you in my office."
"Yes, sir." O'Neill walked beside Loran as they followed Sam out of the gateroom. "It's not that bad," Janet heard him tell the boy, "you just have to watch out for the nurse with the big needle."
As the gateroom slowly emptied, Daniel walked slowly towards her. "Hi," she whispered. She studied him intently. His complexion was a little paler than usual, hair a trifle shaggy, beautiful blue eyes that looked right into her soul.
"Hi," he murmured back, his lazy smile doing devastating things to her insides.
"Doctor Warner's waiting..." she stuttered.
"Yes?" he asked.
"And then," she blushed. "Mrs. Larson is picking Cassie up from school."
He smiled again, that sexy, mind-blowing one that turned her insides to mush. "Then I'll go see Doctor Warner right away."
Daniel moved in his sleep, Janet shifted with him, settling into a more comfortable position in his arms. Nuzzling her cheek against his smooth chest, she smiled. It had been the longest post-mission exam she'd ever suffered through! After pronouncing Sam and Loran fit, she'd waited impatiently for Warner to finish with O'Neill and Daniel.
"Seventy-two hours, Daniel." She heard O'Neill's voice on the other side of the curtain and realized he referred to the downtime SG-1 had been given after their enforced stay on the planet. She'd known Hammond had decided to give them the down time. She was thankful it had coincided with a weekend and her time-offand Cassie was taken care of for the next two nights.
"Right Jack, see you on Monday," Daniel replied. The curtain was suddenly pulled back and she could tell he spotted her right away. She gave him a tentative smile, feeling surprisingly unsure. He walked towards her, and in spite of her uncertainty, she didn't think she'd ever seen anything more wonderful. "Ready?" he inquired.
"For what?" she replied, bemused.
He smiled gently. "I seem to recall making a few suggestions in my last letter to you." His teasing tone reassured her.
"Daniel, I..." she began, suddenly serious.
He stopped her though, by placing a finger on her lips. "Let's go home."
What had followed then had been even more amazing than their first time together. The separation and subsequent emotional turmoil made their reunion all the sweeter. Daniel moved again, only this time his arms closed more tightly around her. She felt his lips brush her hair. "Can't sleep?" he murmured.
She kissed his chest. "Just glad to be here." She raised up on her elbow then, searching his eyes in the dim light. "When I think how close we came to losing this..." she paused, her eyes suddenly bright with tears.
"Hey," he reached up, brushing away a stray tear. "We just had a temporary communication problemmagnified out of proportion by our separation."
Her lips curved into a smile and she leaned down to kiss him. "Well, when you put it like that."
Caressing her cheek, he murmured, "I had a lot of time to think about it."
She chuckled then and lay back down, nestling her head against his strong shoulder. "I don't want this to ever end," she whispered.
His arms tightened comfortingly around her, "It won'tand I'll put that in writing."
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