All But One Vision - Forgotten
by Spyro
Title: All But One Vision - Forgotten
Author: Spyro
E-mail:mezzy34@hotmail.com
Rating: M
Category: Drama/Angst/SJ/Action/Adventure
Warnings: Maybe a little bit of language, nothing people shouldn't be able to handle though. Violence I suppose you could call it. (That's mostly from "Vision of Hope, Chamber of Death" - not this)
Spoilers: Fire & Water - Season 1
Status: Complete
Archive: Heliopolis & SJ Archive. Others please ask permission - not like I'll say no, but ya know.
Season/Sequel Info: Have to be Season 4 I'm thinkin'. Part 8 of the 'Vision' series. Continuation of "Vision of Hope, Chamber of Death", "Chamber of Hope, Past Visions of Death", "The Final Vision?", "The Visions Left Behind", "A Vision of Yesterday", "Returned Vision" and "Vision Neglected"
Disclaimer: I don't own anything ... yadda, yadda ... I'm just borrowing it all for entertainment. No money was made, nor do I wish to make any, wouldn't say no if it was offered of course.
Brief Summary: Continuation of "Vision of Hope, Chamber of Death", "Chamber of Hope, Past Visions of Death", "The Final Vision?", "The Visions Left Behind", "A Vision of Yesterday", "Returned Vision" and "Vision Neglected" (Part 8 of the "Vision" series)
Author's Notes: All the usual stuff, comments are yummy and appreciated. No flames of course though thanks. Write me your comments pretty pretty please - I love 'em.mezzy34@hotmail.comis the e-mail - go crazy!
PREVIOUSLY, IN "Vision Neglected"
~*~
"Daniel! Daniel!"
"Sam, what's wrong?"
"Jack's gone!"
"When did this happen?"
"I don't know."
"Get search teams together. I want him found and whoever organized this."
"Put him over there. I want sedatives, strong ones. Drugs to make him incoherent. Get my shot gun too. If he tries anything when I'm there I'm not stuffing around. Been there before and there's point with him, if he fucks around with me, he'll be getting a bullet in him quicker than he can think."
"He's awake."
"I'm not here to fuck around this time. I'm here to get information - namely from you. And if you don't cooperate, I'm quite willing to kill you, and then your lovely wife if I feel the need. You give me shit and I'll give you a bullet to the head - got it?"
"Where did you go on your last mission?
"Come on Jack, I'm waiting!"
"Where can they look Daniel? What if it's Maybourne again? We don't know what happened to him after Teal'c rescued us."
"You know that might be the best idea yet Sam."
"Maybourne. You think this might have something to do with Colonel Maybourne again?"
"Jack! I'll ask you once more. What is the address of the planet SG1 last visited?"
"I don't know."
"This should make his mind completely blurred. He probably won't know who he is, or who we are."
"Now Jack, if you don't start telling me what I want to know, I just might not be able to help shooting you again. And ifyoudon't tell me what I want to know, I'll get your wife down here to tell me. Then I'll kill her in front of you. You wouldn't want that, now would you?"
"No! Not Sam."
"We've got a lead!"
"Where? What?"
"Looks like it is Maybourne after all."
"They're pretty sure where Maybourne is situated."
"Sam, there's a few things you need to know first. He's having drugs taken there. And not the everyday kind. Very strong drugs."
"I've looked over them General. These drugs are extremely strong. If they're being used on Colonel O'Neill and being used incorrectly, then he could suffer terrible side-effects."
"Like what?"
"Like permanent brain damage, or memory loss."
"Oh God."
"Multiple doses of those drugs could prove fatal if unchecked."
"God, don't say it Janet, please."
"Come on O'Neill! Talk! Dammit, TALK!"
"Another shot won't hurt will it?
"I need some kind of information from him before he gets a bullet through his head. He'll talk soon enough."
" ... they've found the place. The General said he would rather I wasn't involved in any of the action."
"You remember how the Olindars could become invisible and visible whenever they wanted to? Could they make someone else invisible?"
"You think they'd give us their technology?"
"Good luck. Be back within three hours, or I'll send a search team in after you."
" ... how is it the Olindars may assist you?"
"Stealth technology."
"Please be vigilant. Your voices shall not be heard, but anything you may touch to make noise will be heard."
"Where is O'Neill?"
"Jack! Jack, Jack oh Jack."
"Sam, I don't know who I am."
AND NOW, THE CONCLUSION ...
"What? Janet?" Sam asked with a frown.
"The drugs," she thought aloud, "this could just be a side-effect and only last for a few hours. How long have you felt this way Colonel?"
"Why are people always calling me that?!"
"Because that's who you are Jack," Sam almost shouted then suddenly asked, "how come you still know me?"
"I don't know," he answered. "But I only know who you are."
"This could just be a brief side-effect," Janet stated again, "we'll have to wait and see."
"But," Sam choked, "you said ... "
"Don't think about that now Sam, it was just a guess."
"What was?" Jack asked before losing consciousness and Janet quickly checking him.
"No pulse. Get the de-fib charged up. Starting CPR. Sam,"
"I know," she said.
"One, two, three, four, five - breathe."
"Well?"
"Nothing. Again. One, two, three, four, five - breathe." They repeated the process several times over but with no result. "Give me the de-fib. Charging at 200, clear." The same result came from the de-fib once, but after a second time was successful. "We've got a pulse. How long until we get to the SGC?" Fraiser called to the driver.
"Few more minutes," he answered.
~*~
"So, how's he doing?" Jackson asked back at the SGC, after Maybourne and White had been sent to the authorities to be dealt with.
"He's alright now," Janet explained, "I've cleaned up those wounds, and taken the bullet out of his shoulder. Those wounds will heal slowly on their own. There's no major damage from either of them. The drugs he'd been given are slowly leaving his system now, and the IV will help with that."
"What about his memory?" Sam queried uncertainly.
"We won't know about that until those drugs are completely out of his system. Until then, I really can't say."
"His memory?" Daniel was confused. He knew nothing of his friends' memory loss.
"He doesn't remember anything."
"Anything?"
"No. He only knows who I am."
"Isn't that a bit strange?"
"Strange wouldn't be the word I would use," Sam mumbled to herself.
"Yes, it is," Janet said.
"So how did it happen?"
"A side-effect of the drugs he was given."
"How do you know?"
"I looked at the names of them Daniel, I know what they can do."
"Oh."
"Stop talking about it like its not happening!" Sam shouted. Both other parties looked down shamefully. "When is he going to wake up?"
"I'm not sure. That's up to him."
"Let me know when he does," Daniel said as he left quietly.
"Sorry Sam, we didn't mean ... "
"I know. Forget it. Can I stay here tonight?"
"Of course."
"Has Oanik gone back to Omar?"
"He left not long ago I think."
"I wanted to say thankyou."
"We already did."
"Iwanted to say thankyou."
"Sorry."
"Don't worry." Looking very serious and somber, Sam went from her friends' office and out to the bed where her husband lay. She'd seen that picture so many times lately. Him laying in a hospital bed, things connected to him and machines beeping by his side. IV shoved in his arm. Why so many times - why him? Now he didn't even know who he was. How could Sam live that way? Knowing he only knew her. Not even himself. It had to be a side-effect. It had to go away after a little while. It couldn't stay. Sam would break down if anything else happened to them. They'd already been through so much of late, and now this. Maybourne - the stupid idiot. Fuck him, Sam thought. How could he have done this to her husband for a second time? Taken him away from her, in oh so many ways. He wouldn't be the same man if he didn't know anything or anyone like he used to. Maybourne and the stupid information he had to have. Why couldn't he have taken her to get it? Why did he always target Jack? Just because they didn't get along? Damn Jack and his sarcasm. How many messes had he gotten himself into just by being a smart ass? Damn him for that! And damn this for happening! No, this wasn't Jack's fault. Don't blame him for it, Sam decided. 'He didn't ask for this to happen' she thought. Too many things to think about.
She lent forward, her elbows resting on the bedside. Looking at the passive face before her eyes, she smiled, but not happily. Putting one hand to his face and sliding her thumb up, then down again on his cheek, she sighed.
"I love you," she said sadly, but with all the meaning in the world. Licking her dry lips, Sam rested her head on her outstretched arm and left her thumb to trail lazily over his cheek while she fell asleep.
~*~
"Sam," Daniel said, shaking her, "wakey, wakey."
"Hmm? Whoa, what?" She asked suddenly, opening her eyes wide and blinking fervently - sitting up.
"Just thought you'd want to know," he said, nodding at her husband. Still blinking wildly, she looked at where he indicated to see. A smile creeping to her face, she held a hand to his face.
"Hey," she said softly.
"Hi. Who're you?"
"Uhh, me?" Daniel asked stupidly.
"Yeah," Jack said.
"I'm ... I'm Daniel Jackson."
"Oh. Am I supposed to already know that?" He nodded.
"Well, yeah."
"Ah."
"How do you feel?" Sam asked.
"Ok I guess."
"Sam. Do you want me to get Janet?" She nodded and he went.
"Janet?"
"The doctor that was with us in the truck on the way here."
"Oh."
"Colonel. How are you feeling?" Fraiser asked as she walked to them with Daniel at her side.
"Yeah, alright."
"So your memory is back?"
"No."
"Oh. I see. Well, umm ... Sam, can I have a word please?"
"What you need to say to me, you can say to them."
"No, I want to say it to you." With a defiant expression, Sam followed the doctor into her office.
"What?" she asked shortly.
"Sam, I think this is serious. I don't want to say it to Jack, but I think he might have completely lost his memory except for you."
"No. No, I don't believe you. He's fine, he'll start remembering soon."
"Sam, I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't think it was true. The drugs are flushed completely out of his system now and he still doesn't have his memory. I think its safe to say that he won't be getting it back any time soon."
"No. That's not true. He will!" Sam shouted. She couldn't believe what the doctor was telling her. It couldn't be true ... it just couldn't be.
"Ok Sam," Fraiser said very matter-of-factly. "You can deny this for as long as you like, but its true no matter how long you say it isn't." She just kept shaking her head while staring at the ground in front of her.
"No," she repeated softly to herself. Janet looked at her friends' denial and told her to sit down.
"Come on Sam. He still knows who you are. That's got to be a good thing."
"But he doesn't know me. Just my name and that I'm his wife. He doesn't remember anything we've done together, or the places we've been. The things we've said. The things we've been through. How can I say he knows me if he doesn't remember anything?" Janet nodded and they went back out to the two men waiting.
"So what was that about?" Daniel asked without hesitance.
"Nothing," Janet said lowly and shook her head at him. He understood.
"You don't know me Jack," Sam said, "do you?"
"I ... I know you're Sam. I know we're married. But ... " he stopped. Sam knew.
"But you don't know me," she stated, tears welling in her eyes. He looked down sadly.
"No." Sam swallowed thickly. She could feel the intense sadness rising in her throat. Leaving the Infirmary in tears - Janet and Daniel watched her and then left. Jack closed his eyes. Tears trailed down his face. He felt so angry, and yet so sad.
~*~
It took two days for Sam to leave her quarters. She lay on her bed in tears, her ears ringing with the words they'd last spoken.
"You don't know me Jack, do you?"
"I ... I know you're Sam. I know we're married. But ... "
"But you don't know me."
"No."
He didn't know her. His wife. Sam. Sure, he knew it was her. He knew her name, knew they were married. That was something, true, it was. Something. Not a lot. But something. Sam's ears rung with those words. 'You don't know me,' 'No'. It wasn't his fault. Of course she didn't blame him. But how could they live that way? That was a large chunk of his life he now had no memory of. He had no memory of himself. His childhood. Times after that. Hard times and good times alike. Nothing of his life before those few days Maybourne had given him drugs. Drugs that had ripped him of his life. And they had. How could his life be anything, without memories of all the years before now? Sam thought it over. How could she live with him, and how could he live with her with no memories of loving her? How could he be sure he'd ever loved her if he had no memory of it? No memory of anything.
Sam's mind reeled at the thoughts. He'd now have no recollection of their wedding day. Their honeymoon. The hard times they'd made it through even lately. So many things they'd made it through, but they'd made it through together. He'd have no recollection of the nights they'd spent together. The times they'd talked. The hours of love they'd had. Anything. So many things together they'd done, and now all Sam had of that was the memories - the one thing Jack didn't. That was all he didn't have, the memories. How could Sam change that?
What could be causing it? Could it be something simple? Something big? Could the memories all be there, but something blocked them? Were they completely gone, forever? Were they there but had an incurable thing in their way? So many different possibilities as to where these memories had gone. Perhaps they'd gone nowhere. Perhaps they had and perhaps they hadn't. Sam didn't know the answer to that. She didn't want to trust a doctor's opinion on where they were. She didn't want to believe her friend. She wanted to believe they would come back. Wanted to believe that it was only a matter of time before everything was back to normal. She wanted her husband back with her. She wanted to look at him and know who he was. He wasn't alone in not knowing who he was. Sam didn't know who he was either. This was the same body, but not the same person. His memories made him who he was - just as Sam's memories made her the person she was. Even Jolinar's memories made her the person she was, although they didn't belong to her, they were now a part of her. Everyone's memories made them who they were. Without the past, the person they were now couldn't exist. Sam could see the body of her husband, but he wasn't the same man. It was hard for her to understand, and even harder to try to explain. Pulling the covers of her bed up around her neck, she wished she wasn't so alone in her bed. It felt lonely in it without Jack beside her. She wished there was something she could have done. She wished that on that night there had been something she could have done to change the events of it.
Maybe if she hadn't gone out that day. If she'd told Jack what Janet and her had talked about that day. If they'd been talking maybe they would have gone out that night or something. Maybe they would have gone to sleep in each other's arms and that morning when he was woken up by the intruders she would have woken up too. Maybe she could have done something to help him. Maybe they wouldn't have done it. Maybe if something was different, those people wouldn't have come at all. Maybe they would have changed their minds. Maybe they would have taken them both instead of just him. Maybe ... Sam decided it was no good doing that. There was nothing she could have done to make it any different. If it was going to happen, then it would have either way. Then Sam wished something she had have done.
She wished she'd told him she loved him that night. She wished she'd kissed him, held him close to her and told him she would always love him. She wished she'd told him she loved him.
~*~
After those two days Sam spent in her quarters, she left. She decided it was doing no one any good her hiding away from it all as if it would get better if she did. Heading down to the Infirmary out of instinct, she found Janet there talking to Daniel, Teal'c and Jack. They all seemed to be talking but once they saw Sam they stopped.
"You don't have to stop just because I'm here," she said.
"How are you?" Janet asked as Sam approached the small congregation of her friends.
"Yeah. Better. Had some time to think."
"Help?"
"I think so. Yeah."
"That's good," Daniel spoke for the first time to her. Sam smiled. She could see they were all slightly reserved around her, but she could understand why.
"You guys don't have to walk on eggshells around me anymore. I'm not gonna bite your heads off for no reason," she told them with a smile. They all seemed to release a silent breath.
"That is good to hear," Teal'c said and Sam looked at him, smile still present on her face. Her three standing friends seemed less tense now that she had spoken, but she noticed Jack didn't seem to have changed. He was quiet, he hadn't said anything yet and she noticed that when they were talking before she entered the room, even then he wasn't saying anything. It seemed unusual he be so silent, and not because he usually had something to say. Not that, but because he also seemed very lonely. His eyes, there was no life in them. Staring aimlessly at the white bed sheets, he hadn't even looked up at the sound of Sam's voice. Not that she had expected him to, but it did surprise her somewhat that he be so withdrawn from everyone. She frowned only slightly and looked at Janet, inclining her head toward him.
The doctor shrugged and they all moved into her office, Teal'c closing the door behind them.
"Janet," Sam said, "why is he so quiet?"
"I don't know," she answered, "he's been like that ever since the last time you were here. He hasn't said a word to anyone. We've all been standing around talking normally, hoping it would lift his spirits, but it hasn't - has it?" she directed the last question to the two men. They both looked dismal.
"It has not," Teal'c spoke.
"He's been that quiet we thought he'd lost his voice, not his memory," Daniel said without a thought. Biting his lip, he looked at Sam expecting her to be hurt by the comment. She didn't seem to have noticed, or minded.
"It's ok," she said, "I know what you meant." Jackson sighed. "Has he talked to anyone?" The doctor shook her head.
"Not a word," she explained. "He's just looked at people as though they're speaking Swahili and then looked away. It's like he doesn't understand us."
"Yes."
"Maybe he'll talk to me."
"He'd better. Otherwise I'll take him off for tests just to make sure he hasn't lost his voice."
"Leave it a while. I'll see what I can do," Sam said hopefully and left the room.
"I hope she can," Daniel said, "cos I sure as hell couldn't."
"Jack." He looked up without recognition, and then looked back down at the bed sheets. "Jack what's wrong with you?" Sam asked softly, but he didn't even take any notice. "Jack? What's the matter?" she was concerned that maybe her asking him if he knew her had pushed him into a state of something she couldn't understand. Dejection perhaps. It was just a guess of course, but to Sam it seemed like he was in some kind of depression. Although she couldn't make any sense of it herself, she sensed it was something along those lines. If it were the Jack she knew before, he wouldn't have allowed himself to do such a thing, but he still would have appeared this way. Withdrawn and deeply depressed. Not speaking to anyone, and taking no notice of them she could see him doing, but the look he had in his eyes now ... she wasn't so sure she'd ever see that. It seemed there was a sense of belonging missing from those eyes. Maybe what she'd said had hurt him. Maybe it was just one of those things you didn't say. She thought over it, and perhaps the way she'd said it had given off a far greater implication of blame than she had realised, but she wasn't certain that was the source of this new Jack's appearance. He appeared lost.
Like when they'd thought they'd lost Daniel in a fire so long ago, he'd been amazingly hurt by that. He'd blamed himself for it, and the look in his eyes - he wore that look now. As though he were a lost soul - not belonging. An overwhelming surge of that look filled his eyes, and Sam could almost feel it hit her when his eyes met hers. "Jack I didn't mean to hurt you when I asked you if you knew me. I ... I think I needed to hear it before I could believe it, but I didn't mean to hurt you by asking. I hope you believe that," Sam explained, hoping it would help him out of his despair. Was it that though? Or was it the simple fact he felt he didn't belong there? Sam could understand how he would feel that way. He didn't know the people around him. Didn't know the place. Didn't know himself. An overwhelming sense of not belonging could easily emit from such surroundings. Sam frowned and licked her lips. She didn't know what to say to make him know she loved him, no matter who he was. She wished she could tell that to the Jack she married - and unfortunately that was the one thing he could not be. Without his memories, he could never be the Jack she married. And that was what made him feel the way he did. For he could never be the person she wanted. Never be the person she needed. He could never be Jack. Not the Jack she knew - and it tore him into pieces to know it. "Please, say something Jack."
"But that's it Sam. I'm not Jack," he said, never looking up and it was then Sam realised. He knew how she felt. She'd made it obvious.
"What?"
"I'm not him. I'm not the person you want. I can't be him. I'm no one."
"No, that's not true."
"Yes it is. You know it is. I'm not Jack. He's the one you want. That's not who I am - because I'm nobody. Don't say it isn't true. You love Jack, and I'm not Jack. I'm nobody." Sam looked down at the floor. He was right. He wasn't her husband. He wasn't Jack. Sam loved Jack, and he just wasn't him. He looked the same, but that wasn't enough.
"You're somebody. Just not Jack."
"Then I am nobody. I'm ... just a body. Nobody needs a person who isn't anybody. What the hell am I supposed to do if I'm nobody?! My name, my life, it's nothing. Nothing! Don't you get it? I don't know anything! I'm useless!" Tears of anger streaked his face with two wet lines, and Sam's tears of sadness poured over her cheeks.
"You're not! I don't know!" she cried and Janet came out of her office to find out what the noise was. She stopped when she saw them both with tears falling from their eyes and Sam's face a contorted mess. There had to be something she could do. She was a doctor. Surely there was something ... she thought.
Leaping from her chair, Sam forced her mouth over his while tears still tumbled down from her eyes.
"Stop it, stop it!" she kept saying, trying to stop him talking and them both crying by kissing him. But it just didn't work. Fraiser interrupted them by pushing Sam gently away.
"Stop it," she said gently. "You're not doing that shoulder of his any good by thumping him around like that. Sit down. Calm down too. Come on, both of you have to control yourselves. Acting that way isn't going to help anything." Sam wiped her eyes and sniffed.
"Go away Janet," she said, her voice quivery and strange.
"I'm not going away until you promise you're not going to act like that again."
"Fine."
"Colonel?"
"Stop calling me that! I'm not him! I'm not him! I'm nobody!" he shouted angrily, pulling the IV from his arm and throwing it to the floor.
"Enough!" Janet yelled, and quickly grabbing a sedative from the bedside table, she shoved it into his upper arm.
"What the hell was that?!"
"Nothing," she answered, as she watched it quickly taking effect on him as he slipped into the powers of it.
"Why did you do that?" Sam asked suddenly.
"You are both acting like five year olds! I should have given you one too."
"Don't you understand Janet?! This isn't anything to do with you! You've never had this happen to you, so you can't understand."
"Listen Sam, this might not be happening to me, but I'm watching it happen to you and him. And it's not doing either of you any favors. You're acting stupidly. Alright, I don't know how it feels for either of you, but that doesn't excuse your behaviour."
"Go away Janet. You don't understand, and you don't want to," Sam said in a low tone as she got up and left. Her friend couldn't understand what it was like for her. She couldn't understand what it was like knowing someone, but not knowing them at all.
After Sam left, Janet replaced the IV in Jack's arm and went into her office. There had to be something she was missing somewhere. There had to be something she hadn't seen. Something she knew, but was overlooking somehow. Sitting at her desk, head in her hands, she tried to think of everything she could possibly know about that kind of thing. Then suddenly it hit her. Like a flash of lightning, it shocked her. She raised her eyebrows in surprise and searched for all the test results she'd gotten on previous days from the scans Jack had had. And then she found it. Everything she'd done, she couldn't believe she'd overlooked that one thing. How could she have missed it when it was staring her in the face all along?!
~*~
Sam went back to the Infirmary the next day, hoping her head wouldn't allow her to get so out of control again. She had every right to be that way, she knew it to be true, but how she could stop it was another thing entirely.
Janet greeted her at the Infirmary with a smile that told her only one of few things.
"What?" Sam asked, with reserved happiness.
"I think I know what to do," Fraiser answered cryptically.
"Know what to do where? With what? Janet, talk to me," Sam spoke while her friend led her to her office. "Janet," she persisted.
"Ok, ok. Steady on. You remember when you brought back those people who'd suffered mass amnesia on their planet?"
"Yes."
"And do you remember ... "
"Janet, get to the point." The doctor smiled, how much like Jack her friend sounded saying that.
"I think I can use the same antidote for Jack." A smile tugged at the corners of Sam's mouth, but not yet would she smile.
"Youthink?" she asked. Her friend's face lit the whole room without needing a light. Sam felt an overwhelming urge to jump up and down while screaming just by the look on her friends' face, but she overcame it.
"It won't hurt to try it."
"Let's do it."
The pair walked out to Jack's bed with purposeful strides. He saw them coming and was unsure if they were going to hold him down to sedate him again or do something a little less extreme. None the less, he was cautious of them.
"Jack,"
"Don't call me that," he said sharply. If no one - namely Sam - couldn't accept him as this person he now was, he didn't want to retain that name.
"Well it's the only name you have, so it'll do for now," Janet said.
"We think we might have just the thing to get your memory back," Sam told him hopefully.
"And?"
"And we want to try it," Janet smiled.
"What if I don't?" Jack asked stubbornly.
"Just shut up and do it, ok?" Sam said while handing Fraiser the same injection they'd used the last time this antidote had been administered.
"Guess I don't have a choice then do I."
"No," they both said and he shrugged.
"Fine."
"This will sting," Janet said and held the injector under his neck. It shot the dose out and his body reacted the same way the others had when they'd used it. Convulsing for a moment, it then ceased and he was unconscious.
"What happened? Did it work? This didn't happen last time, why did it happen this time? Janet what's happened?" Sam threw the questions at so quickly Janet barely had time to hear each one.
"I don't know what happened. Because of his injuries this may have had a different sort of effect on his body," she answered then checked his vitals. "He's alright. Just unconscious. We'll just have to wait and see what happens."
"When will he wake up? Is he ok? Are you sure he'll wake up?"
"Slow down Sam. I don't know when he'll wake up. When he's ready. He is fine. He'll wake up when he's ready. Don't panic."
"Don't tell me not to panic Janet! Don't tell me that! He's my husband! I need to know he's ok."
"I just told you, he's fine. Just, sit here and wait until he wakes up. It may have worked, and it may not have. We'll find out when he wakes up."
"I can't wait until then."
"You have to."
Mid-morning of the second day of waiting, Sam looked at Janet with red eyes as she sat down next to her.
"Sam, I think you should go to bed for a little while," the doctor told her. "You're looking terrible, no offence." Sam sighed.
"It's ok," she said, "I know. I can't leave. Not yet."
"It's been two days Sam."
"I know."
"How much longer are you going to wait?"
"As long as it takes. You didn't say how long I'd have to wait."
"Because I didn't know, and I still don't. I told you he'll wake up when he's ready, and he will."
"And I will wait until he does before I leave here." It was then they both heard a light groan. Sam eyes flew to the spot and she smiled brightly and hopefully. "Jack," she stated without question or hesitance. His eyes flickered open and found Sam.
"Hey," he replied sorely.
"Is it you?"
"What?"
"Colonel," Janet said, "I'll just check your vitals and leave you two alone." Standing up and doing as she'd said, he watched her.
"Everything ok Doc?" he asked.
"Everything looks fine Colonel. I'll come back and have another look at you later on."
"Ok."
Sam suddenly frowned in realization then a smile leapt to her face.
"It's you!" she yelled suddenly, forcing Janet to stop before leaving her friends' company. Puzzlement obvious in Jack's eyes, he raised an eyebrow.
"Yah," he said with more than a little confusion in his voice. Fraiser smiled as she watched her friend nearly leap from her chair in joy and throw her arms around her husband.
"Oh Jack, I missed you," she told him while he was still confused, "I thought I'd never have you back. I love you so much, I love you."
Over her shoulder he raised his eyebrows at the doctor as she watched. She just smiled and shook her head.
'Don't worry,' she mouthed and left for her office. Sam pulled Jack's face to be in front of her own and kissed him with what could only be described as 100% passion and love. Of course he wouldn't question that, but why she was so over the moon he could not understand. Once she released him and sat back in her chair smiling at him, he knew he could ask.
"Uhh, don't get me wrong," he said, "I'm glad you're happy, but uhh ... why are you so happy?"
"Don't you remember?" she asked ironically. Shaking his head while thinking over what he could possibly have forgotten, he shrugged.
"No?"
"Oh. It doesn't matter now. You're here. That's all that matters."
"Geeze, my shoulder ... oh. I guess that explains it then," he said, noticing his shoulder was bandaged up and in a sling. He hadn't noticed when Sam hugged him he'd only used his right arm.
"You don't remember that either? Wait, you do know who you are don't you?" Sam asked suddenly, fearing she'd been prematurely happy.
"Uhh, yeah," Jack answered. "Why wouldn't I?"
"And you know who I am? You know Janet. You know who Daniel and Teal'c are. You know where we are. You know all that stuff?"
"Sam what're you talking about?"
"And you remember our wedding, don't you?"
"Sam! Stop it. What the hell are you talking about?"
"So you know all that?"
"Of course I do. Why are you asking me that?"
"Ok, that's alright. But you don't remember being shot?"
"Shot? When?"
"So you don't remember Maybourne shooting you?"
"Maybourne?!"
"Don't remember drugs, being shot? Me and Daniel and Teal'c coming and rescuing you?"
"Sam I have no idea what you're talking about. Oh ... God ... yes I do ... ahh ... yep. It's all coming back ... " He closed his eyes as a sharp pain shot through his head - unsuspected.
"Are you ok?" Sam asked with concern, placing a hand gently on his. He nodded.
"Yeah. It's gone now," Jack said. "Was like a big memory flash. Everything you were talking about? I remember it all."
"That's good. You know, that other person you were,"
"That wasn't me. I know how, 'I' felt then though, and it was weird."
"It was hard to understand for me. But you're not that person, are you?"
"Nah. This is me now. All that stuff he didn't know, I do. I'm me now, and I missed you too." Sam smiled. This was the man she knew. This was Jack - the man she loved.
~*~
After a week, the injuries to Jack's shoulder and leg had began to heal well and he was allowed to leave the Infirmary, even return to active duty, although light, if he wanted to. But he and Sam had no intentions of returning to active duty for a while. They both took a month block of leave and left the SGC for their house. They hadn't been home for so long it seemed, and they had some quality time together to catch up on.
"It's been a while," Sam said, "hasn't it?"
"Too long," Jack agreed, taking a look around the house it seemed as though he hadn't seen in years. Sam watched him with an interested gaze, but it wasn't what he was doing she took interest in. It was just him. He alone could captivate her for hours. His face, his eyes - they sucked her in and she was completely rapt in him. Dreamily following his moves, she smiled and although she was following him, within a few moments he was by her side and she didn't seem to notice.
Placing a soft hand on the small of her back, she slowly looked up to meet his eyes. "You ok?" he asked. She nodded. As long as he was with her, she would always be happy.
"I'm ok," Sam said absent-mindedly.
"Sure?" Jack asked her with concern. She seemed distantly happy, but still distant. She smiled with a nod and turned so she was standing against him.
"Yeah," she breathed and rested her head comfortably in the curve of his neck and shoulder. "Jack."
"Yeah?"
"You know, when Janet came over that day."
"Yeah." They slowly sat down together on the sofa and, curling up close to Jack, Sam looked at him while talking.
"You remember how we talked, and I said some day I'd tell you what we talked about?" He nodded. "Do you still want to know?"
"You don't have to tell me. I'm sorry for being so stupid about it. It's up to you."
"No, I think its up to you. If you want to know, then I think you have every right to."
"Ok then." Sam stopped then. She'd been prepared to tell him, even if he decided he didn't want to know, but now the moment was there, that she had to tell him, she didn't know how to say it. "It's ok Sam, you don't ... "
"It's ok Jack, I want to tell you. I just, I'm just not sure how to say it right."
"Just say it?"
"Yeah, I suppose that's the best way," Sam agreed. "Janet came over to talk to me, because ... she told me that she had feelings for you." Jack seemed to take in the information fairly easily and then shrugged.
"I guess I'm just irresistible," he joked and Sam laughed.
"Yeah. I guess you are," she agreed with a contented smile, laying on the sofa comfortably, her back pressed against Jack. "Jack," she said suddenly.
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
"I know. I love you too."
"I don't ever want to lose you again."
"I'm not goin' anywhere."
"I know."
They were the last words they spoke that night before both falling asleep on the sofa.
~*~
Birds chirped happily in the trees and the sun rose bright as always at dawn. Two people inside their home slept soundly on their sofa - just happy to be together. One woke early, the shrill call of birds piercing his sharp ears. His back against the back of the sofa, his wife laying asleep in front of him, he lifted his arm out of the sling it still sat in. Tossing it behind the sofa, he rubbed his eyes to wake himself up. Tilting his head to one side, he watched his wife in sleep and thought how beautiful she looked. Their windows uncovered, the sun shone into the lounge room sending rays about in various locations. Partial rays glowed over the sofa where they lay; catching her blonde hair and making it shine. Pushing the loose strands away from her face, he smiled. Her face peaceful and contented, it made him happy to know she too was happy.
A smile crept to her lips and she snuggled closer to him in her sleep. Brushing his fingers over her cheeks, she smiled again and slowly woke up. With a waking yawn, she saw his eyes before her and the smile didn't seem to be able to leave her face. Kissing him warmly, she nuzzled close to him in the icy chill of the morning.
Her face close to his, she pecked kisses at his cheeks.
"I dreamed of you," she said.
"Oh?" he asked. She nodded.
"Yep."
"A good dream?"
"You were in it, of course it was good."
"You need a doctor girl."
"No I don't. I'm allowed to dream about you if I want to."
"This is true."
"What did you dream about?"
"I dunno. Probably you, but I don't remember."
"Gee thanks."
"You know what I mean."
"Yeah, I do." There was a long pause where they both listened to each other's heart beating. Sam smiled; she'd never really stopped. "Breakfast?"
"Not hungry." She frowned. The first time she'd actually not been smiling. Pushing herself back for a fuller view, she noticed he wasn't wearing the sling Janet had insisted he take.
"You have to eat."
"Yes mom."
"Where's that sling Janet gave you to wear?"
"I took it off this morning. Uncomfortable."
"You'd better wear it. She told you ... "
"Sam."
"What?"
"It'll be fine."
"But she said to keep your shoulder immobilized."
"I know. I'm not going to the gym today or anything. It's not gonna move much." Scrutinizing him, she snorted.
"Alright, but if you hurt it, I'm not going to have any sympathy for you whatsoever."
"Ok. Deal."
"You're a stubborn man Jack O'Neill - but I love you," she told him while getting comfortable close to him again, the cold finally sending her into the shivers. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
"I know."
*
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