A Path Through Fear
A Path Through Fear
by Smiler
Summary: After the events on P3W 924, Jack needs some relief and goes to a long time friend.
Category: Missing Scene/Epilogue, POV
Episode Related: 218 Holiday
Season: Season 2
Pairing: Jack/Janet
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 07/11/03
Title: A Path Through Fear
Author: Smiler
Email: smiler@stargate-sg1.hu
Category: Missing Scene, Janet's POV
Status: Complete
Pairing: Jack/Janet(ish)
Rating: PG
Season: Two
Spoilers: Holiday, Fire and Water
Summary: After the events on P3W 924, Jack needs some relief and goes to a long time friend.
Warnings: None
Archive: Jackfic.com, Abydos Gate
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions; all the powers that be, not me; This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement intended. The story is the property of the author and may not be posted without the author's consent.
Authors Notes: Blame it on the girls;) Thanks to yllek, Dee, Tricia for the great beta and Neet for the title! You rock, girls!
Feedback: yes, please! Tell me what you think.
~~~~ A Path Through Fear ~~~~
It was hard to imagine Jack being stuck in Teal'c's body. When they got back from Machello's planet with that machine, Jack was lost. Not just in Teal'c's body, but in his own soul, as well. I could tell that he hated the body exchange from the very first moment and it didn't help at all, that he, or Teal'c?, -I was as confused as they were- got sick. I was looking at Jack and had to think of him as Teal'c. Then, I was looking at Teal'c and had to think of him as Jack. It really was confusing. I could only begin to imagine how they felt.
Teal'c did look sick. Or was it Jack? Well, Teal'c-Jack. Jack... Jack-Teal'c tried to help him, but it was up to Jack's mind to find the peace of kel'no'reem, and help himself. It had to scare Jack that even if Teal'c's body shut down, it would be his mind to die.
How bad it must be to see your own body walking around, with someone else's mind inside it? How bad it must be to look into the mirror and see your friend (and in this case, an alien) staring back at you? I wondered how Jack could cope with it at all.
It had to be strange for Teal'c too, but after all, he got a body that wasn't in direct danger. So, he tried to help Jack-and actually himself. I saw everything through the security cameras. They both looked lost. And worried. It was natural in a way. They had to worry about themselves, twice. At the end Junior did his job and Teal'c's body worked properly again. One thing less we had to find a solution for.
And, then, there was Machello and Daniel's stolen body. Jack wanted to do something. After all, his friend was dying in an alien body. He knew the feeling and he didn't like it. The General couldn't allow him to leave the base, and it was understandable to me and every other logical person. Not for Jack, at least not at first, but one look in the mirror convinced him that his idea wasn't really good, this time.
When the whole thing ended, in a lucky way from our point of view, Jack came to my office. Physically, he was absolutely fine, but he needed to talk. As private a person as he is, I knew he would come to me-and no one else. After all, I was the person on base who he'd known the longest.
I was sitting behind my desk, going through my report one more time before I sent it off to General Hammond, when I heard a soft knock on my door.
"Come in," I said, while clicking on the send button. I looked up from my computer and saw Jack standing in the doorway.
"Hi, Janet," he said, standing there, unmoving, just looking at me.
"Yes, Jack?" I asked him while closing the laptop and standing up.
"Can I...I need to... I, uh...don't know..." he stuttered, bouncing from one foot to the other still holding on to the door.
I knew what he needed. He needed someone to talk to.
I went to him, gently took his hand from the knob and closed the door behind him.
"It's okay, Jack. Why don't you come in and have a seat," I told him, looking into his eyes. His eyes, normally so bright and shining, were now dull, almost lifeless. He stood there deeply mired in his own thoughts.
"Jack, I think we should sit down", I said, trying to guide him to the tattered couch in the corner. He shook his head before looking at me again.
"What?" he asked, furiously blinking his eyes "Oh, yes, sit down. That would be good, thank you." With that he quickly walked to my couch and sat down. I debated for a moment whether or not to sit next to him on the couch or in the chair. I took the chair, deciding that it would give him more space. I moved it closer to the couch, still leaving enough space so he wouldn't feel crowded. I knew that if he was going to talk he would do so in his own time.
I watched him as I waited for him to begin. He was sitting there, a somewhat vacant look on his face, idly playing with his hands. I hadn't seen that look since we thought Daniel was dead on Nem's planet. It was the kind of look that worried psychologists. Luckily, for Jack, I wasn't one of them.
"Jack..." I started unsure of what to say. He looked at me, his hands never stopping their constant movement. He scared me. His eyes were so empty, the old clich "The lights are on, but nobody's home" came to mind. He was somewhere else, far away from my office, from the SGC, from Earth. He was in his own private little hideaway that he would never talk about with anyone.
"Doc", he said quietly, turning his head back to the floor and away from my gaze. "Can you imagine the "great" Jack O'Neill being..." his voice trailed off.
"Being what?" I prompted when he didn't continue, still looking at him hoping that he would look back up.
"Scared?" he whispered, so quietly I almost missed it. For a second he met my eyes, but as fast as it happened, he was staring at the floor again.
It might have been funny if the situation wasn't this serious. Oh, here we go, I thought. His male ego and military mind set are fighting with his emotions. Hell, yes, he had every right to be scared after what had happened. And I knew he knew it. He just couldn't accept it from himself.
"Yes, Colonel, I can," I answered him my eyes never leaving him, wishing he would just look at me.
"Okay. But... can you imagine Jack O'Neill being scared and admitting it?" he asked again, having found a place on my wall to look at instead of the floor. I think he liked the color, grey can be nice sometimes.
"You just did," I said.
"Okay, but admit it to the others?"
"Jack, I'm not MacKenzie, but I know for sure that you have to admit it. Not to the others, but to yourself. What's wrong with being scared? You have every right to be scared now."
"To myself," he whispered again. Maybe I should put in for repainting. I'm almost sure he has stared the color off of my wall.
"Any human being would be scared if this happened to them?"
"I guess so." For God's sake, why he can't look at me? I gave up staring at his face, it didn't work. Now, I was watching his hands, still in constant movement.
"But, anyway," he continued to my surprise, "I'm scared not just for myself. Okay, I admit, to you at least, that I was scared to death when Teal'c got sick, I hated the feeling that I had a snake in my stomach, in his stomach, and I hated the idea of being stuck in someone's body, and I hated the idea of seeing my own body with someone else's eyes." He was now wildly gesticulating, his hands flying in all directions. He had opened up, and I had no intention on stopping him.
"And then there was Danny," he paused momentarily scrubbing his hands over his face, "stuck in Machello's dying body. It made me sick, looking at him. Then, Carter figured out how to make us," he stopped for a second, making me almost jump. I was afraid for that second that he would stop completely.
"Well, us, again. You know, I felt old in Teal'c's body. What could Daniel have felt in Machello's then? When I got into Daniel's body it was odd. I felt way younger than I am and I hated it. I wanted to be myself, for crying out loud. Okay, it was fun for a second, but I felt much better in my own body again -in my own skin. I was me." Once he got started the words just flowed from him, his eyes finally coming to rest on the picture hanging on my wall.
"It felt good. To be in my own body again, to feel my own age again. Hell, even the knees felt good as they ached. But, still, I was... hell, I am... scared for all of us," he moved his eyes to me, finally looking at me. "Do we have the right to do this whole damn thing?" he asked on a serious voice, and without waiting for an answer, he looked at the floor again.
"Yes, Colonel, we do. And I know that you know it," I answered carefully. Do we? I had to ask myself. And I knew the answer. Yes, we do. Who else would do it for us? Who else would protect us? Against the Goa'uld, against the whole unknown universe, if not us? If not Jack O'Neill and his team, then who?
"Colonel," I continued. "Being scared in this situation was a human reaction. You don't need to be ashamed about it. No one expects you to be perfect. What we expect is, you. Yourself. And remember, no one is perfect. And believe me, we'd rather have an imperfect, sometimes a little scared, Colonel O'Neill, than someone who thinks he is perfect and invincible. You know, I like the slightly scared Colonel. Makes him human and stronger. For himself. And for us."
I hoped I was saying the right things to him. I meant what I said. We needed him. We needed a human, not a machine.
He touched my hands, stood up, pulling me up with him. He was holding my hands and finally looked into my eyes.
"Thanks, Doc." He gave me a crooked smile.
With that he released my hands, turned away and left my office.
I guess I helped him a bit. Those O'Neill eyes were shining again.
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Smiler
Heliopolis Main Archive
A Stargate: SG-1 Fanfiction Site
Path Through Fear, A
by SmilerSite Navigation
Support Heliopolis