On Death Part 2: How can death be sleep?
On Death Part 2: How can death be sleep?
by Skyfighter
TITLE: On Death Part 2: How can death be sleep?
AUTHOR: Skyfighter
EMAIL: samantha_carter2000@yahoo.com
CATEGORY: SJR, Angst
SPOILERS: None that I can think of!
SEASON / SEQUEL: Season 4; Part 2 of the "On Death" trilogy.
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: male/female relationship, Character death ?
SUMMARY: The death of one of the team brings one member of SG-1 to realise that it's all too late. Or maybe not.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: For you, Traci. The only person who wanted the next part. You might want to read "On Death Part 1: Too late" before you read this, though I've tried to have it make sense without having to read the first part.
She can't be gone. She can't.
I stand there hovering, outside the morgue. Daniel and Janet thought that it would be best for me to have a talk with her before the funeral. I can't. I can't look at her body. Daniel hovers nervously at my side, and I just wave my hand at him, dismissing him. He looks like he's going to protest, but he doesn't. He just walks off silently.
How could he have reconciled himself with her death so soon? How could he? I can't even think of something even remotely connected with her in some way, I feel like I'm going to explode. I sigh, knowing it'll hurt me to go in there, look at her still body, bereft of the laughter and life that once filled it so well. I steel myself, and push open the door.
As I slowly walk in, pushing the door to, I can see her still, cold body, slightly blue, lips pale and parted. Tears prick at my eyes. I begin to feel remotely glad that Daniel asked for the cameras in here to be taken off for the night. I can't let anybody know I cried over my second in command.
My mind unconsciously wanders to the day we met... She was so stubborn, pig-headed. It almost made me wonder if we'd switched bodies for a moment, she was so like me. How didn't I see it? Why couldn't I see how much I loved her? Hot tears run down my cheeks as I stare transfixed at the limp body.
Hesitatingly, I walk over to her side, and brush my hand against her cold skin for a fleeting moment. I close my eyes, and wish it didn't have to be like this. She didn't have to die... I know I'm crying. I know I loved her. I know it was against all the rules, but she invaded my mind, my heart, my soul without me realising it until it was too late. I bow my head, and take hold of her still hand, willing her pulse to come again, but it's impossible. One miracle that's never gonna happen, she's been ... gone... for five hours now.
I don't know how long I've sat here for, holding her still hand. I know it's kind of morbid, but in my heart it feels like she's just asleep...
"Colonel O'Neill," a voice says softly at my side. I don't need to turn, or anything, I know it's Doctor Fraiser. She puts one hand on my shoulder.
"I'm sorry. I was there... at the end. There was nothing I could do.... I'm sorry." I keep my head turned away so she can't see my tears. It seems like Doctor Fraiser is having a hard time trying not to break down as well. "Do you want to know what her last words were?"
I shrug, not quite wanting to know, but wanting to have something to hold onto.
"What?" I say. My voice is husky and deep, and I'm trying hard not to break down again.
"Tell Jack I love him too. Her last words were for *you* Jack. She loved you so much." I stare into space. I'd told Sam. Right at the end that I loved her. I don't know what came over me.
Doctor Fraiser stares at Sam's body again, then walks quietly out of the room.
"Take care, Jack," she softly whispers. I nod, and she leaves me alone with my thoughts.
Sam, I wanted to tell you how I felt, how you made me feel, that I didn't care at all about the regulations. I wanted to tell her I loved her. I guess I did do that at the end, but it was too late. Too late. Why am I always too late?
I stare at her softly, realising my eyes are filling up with tears again, unable to stop them. Some military colonel I am. I'm supposed to contain my emotions, be detached. Fine. So I'll retire. There's nothing keeping me here, not now. Oh, I'm sure Daniel and Teal'c, and George and Janet will complain, but it's my life. I only wish I could have shared it with her.
Sam, I love you. I always have. I wanted to be with you since the first day we met. I always thought love at first sight was a fantasy until I saw you. And I never thought you felt the same.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for not being able to save your life. I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. I'm sorry for a hell of a lot of reasons. I close my eyes tightly, letting my hot tears caress your face. I stand up softly, and unconsciously I'm murmuring her favourite poem, our favourite poem, under my breath:
"Can death be sleep, when life is but a dream, And scenes of bliss pass as a phantom by..." but I falter at the words, as different words tumble to my lips.
"I love you Sam. Wherever you are. I'm sure you're in heaven, and maybe, if I work hard, I'll meet you there, someday." I stare at her closed eyes, and she really did look like she was sleeping. "Goonight, my angel," I murmur, and kiss her forhead gently. I slowly cover her body with the tarp, and turn around ready to leave my Sam behind, when I hear a soft thump. I turn around to see Sam's hand fall off her, dangling awkwardly off the side of the table, knocking the tarp to one side. Why can't she be left alone?
I turn again, not wanting to, but also wanting to see her again, touch her again, even though I know she's dead. I reach out slowly, pull back the tarp, and gently pick up her hand to lay it across her chest.
My heart skips a beat as the fingers move slightly. I gasp, and feel for a pulse. Nothing... I don't know what I was thinking. I must have imagined it. Then her eyelids flutter softly. I start to let go of her hand, sure I'm hallucinating, when her hand tightens around mine, restraining me. I start softly as her eyelids flutter, then fly open.
"Jack? Jack! How long have I been out?" Sam gasps as I frantically feel for a pulse. It's way irregular, but there is a pulse! I stare at her dumbfoundedly. She was dead, how can this be happening? Is this some cruel joke, or some piece of miraculous fate?
Sam blinks and sways slightly.
"Jack... why am I in the..." Sam gasps as she realises what has happened. "I was dead?" She brokenly murmurs, I nod, then run out into the hall, not wanting to leave her, but knowing she needs help.
"JANET!!! DANIEL!!! COME QUICK!!!" I yell, then run back to Sam's side as she sits up, breathing shallowly. I grimace as she coughs, a racking cough which shakes her fragile body.
"Sam..." I murmur softly, and press my lips into her hair. She leans against me for a few seonds, before swinging her legs around slowly, and falteringly holding a hand to her head. "Wow... My head hurts..."
"Jack?" Janet runs in concerned, with Daniel and a confused General Hammond behind him. "What on earth... Sam?!"
Sam nods slowly, and squeezes my hand. "I'm alive, Janet. I don't know how, but all I know was I had to get back. I had to get back to Jack." My eyes widen, and her squeeze increases on my hand. All I can do is stare at her, tears in my eyes. Daniel is grinning like a mad hatter, and Janet is shaking her head slowly. Even General Hammond has a smile playing around his face.
"Major, do not scare us like that again. That's an order."
Sam blushes, and General Hammond bends down and gives her a fatherly hug. Sam smiles and hugs him back.
"Never again, General Hammond. I promise." A few corpsmen run into the room, summoned by Dr. Fraiser and they stop open mouthed at the sight. General Hammond moves away, and I have to move around him quickly as Sam still retins a hold on my hand. I raise my eyebrows at her speculatively.
"I love you Jack. I'm never letting go again," she murmurs softly. I just stand and stare at her, then the stupidest things pop up in my mind.
"That could be awkward," I say quickly, letting my mouth get the better of me. Sam blushes slightly, looks like she's going to retaliate, but she just laughs quietly instead.
"I love you too, Sam," I hear myself saying. Suddenly Sam sways.
"Woah, being dead certainly takes it out of you."
"Yeah, well you should be talking to Space Monkey here about that," I quip suddenly. "After all, he's had the most experience of being dead." That remark receives me a whallop on the end by a startled Daniel. Sam sways again, and I catch her in my arms, and pick her up quickly. She starts to protest, but then leans her head against my shoulder. "Sleep, Sam," I say quietly, and bein to carry her to the infirmary, followed quickly by the tear-filled Corpsmen, Doctor Fraiser, General Hammond and a very stunned Daniel.
"What about the regs?" I hear Daniel murmur to General Hammond.
"Already taken care of," I hear General Hammond reply. "I always knew I'd need a breach regulation for those two."
I smile, and look down at the beatiful woman asleep in my arms, as we hurry to the infirmary. I don't care how this happened. I'm just glad I finally got back the woman I love more than life itself.
The End
Should I leave it here?On Death 3: Call my name is the last part to this trilogy, and is written in Sam's POV, fifteen years on.
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