Until We Meet
Until We Meet
by Sharim
Title: Until We Meet
Author: Sharim
Email: misssharim@yahoo.com
Status: Complete #1 of the Lost series
Category: Romance, angst, S/J
Spoilers: I don't think any major ones
Season/sequal info: Season 4 (I'd guess)
Rating: PG -13
Content Warnings: Heaps of angst, sorry. Also, there is character death, but if you read this, read the second one (Dreams and Shadows) Or else you won't be happy about the ending.
Summary: An unexpected Go'auld causes problems and a relationship shift.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, I wasn't paid. I just made it up.
Authors Note: Thanks Suds for beta-ing this for me. I know it's angsty, sorry. I love angst sometimes, and i just tend to go overboard. please send feedback, and READ THE SECOND ONE IF YOU READ THE FIRST...IT'S IMPERITIVE!!
thanks:)
~~o0o~~
Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove
Upon the wind of heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again
~~o0o~~
They were brave, all of them. Each and every single one of them. I think I was brave too, but it's my job to be brave so it doesn't really count. But she went way beyond the call of her duty, she was braver than she was ever paid to be and she was braver than she ever should have needed to be.
So it's over now. Despite all our bravery, all our determination and pure stubbornness, we couldn't change fate. We challenge fate every time we undertake a mission, every time we've fought against our destiny, and we won every single time. We changed fate to suit our needs, the way some people change cars when one gets out-dated.
But we've changed fate for the last time now. She won't change fate again. Ever. And it's my fault.
~~o0o~~
"Oh, goody!" Jack's tone of voice was anything but excited. It was downright depressed actually.
"Jack." Daniel sighed, shaking his head good naturedly. "Don't you think a little enthusiasm wouldn't go astray sometimes?"
"What, you want me to jump because we're going to visit a planet with...trees?" Jack sounded downright grouchy about it now.
"Actually Sir, the UAV has shown some pictures of what looks like it could be a castle..."
"So we get to play King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table?" Jack shot back, determined not to be swayed.
"Probably not Jack, given the fact that not all cultures developed the feudal system we did in Europe, it's probably just a fluke that they built castles..."
"Okay okay okay. Save it Daniel." Jack held his hands up. "Who knows, maybe we get to throw in a bit of jousting. I am a bit out of practice." Jack relented, knowing Daniel and Sam would keep on at him until he was in a better mood. Besides, the comment was worth it, just to see the smile on Sam's face.
"What is jousting O'Neill?" Teal'C asked curiously, waiting for Jack's answer.
"It's this sport Teal'C, where people ride horses and charge each other with long poles. They generally end up killing themselves or getting really badly injured." Daniel said bluntly.
"So it is similar in nature to boxing?" Teal'C asked logically.
"How is riding a horse with a pole similar to boxing?" Jack had no idea where the connection.
"They're both a senseless sport in which the participants get injured." Daniel said dryly, pushing his glasses up on his nose and gathering his papers.
"No they're not. They're good sports that keep you well tuned with your physical side." Jack protested, standing up to follow them out of the room.
"I don't think they tune you all that well. Normally, after a round of boxing, your physical prowess is less than it was before." Daniel retorted, looking hopefully at Sam to back him up.
"That's only if you weren't well enough in tune to begin with." Jack argued, looking at Sam to back him up.
"What?" She held her hands up at the questioning looks.
"What do you think, Major?" Jack asked, grinning at her.
"You really want to know?" She teased back, grinning at him.
"Yes." Jack stated firmly, echoed by Daniel.
"I think that if you got the optimum pair of boxing gloves and you knew the exact amount of force with which to..." She started off.
"Whoa! Since when is boxing a science thing anyway?" Jack cut off her lecture.
"It's not." Sam grinned at him, and Jack realised he'd been trapped neatly by her. Now she wasn't under an obligation to answer either of their opinions on the sport.
"Next time Carter." He promised her, grinning in answer to her challenge.
"But honestly Jack, there is no point to boxing..."
"Yes there is. You have to try and beat the other person..."
"By knocking them out..."
~~o0o~~
Even though I am a stranger, I have different beliefs, there are some things that all cultures acknowledge. Unjustness, pride, survival and love are all amongst them. My friends here are the truest kind. I trust them with not only my life, but the lives of all the people where I come from, the lives of all the people that they are sworn to protect on their world, and the lives of my family.
Countless times they have proven themselves to be more worthy than any other race. Their willingness to sacrifice themselves for each other and me is what makes us so successful time and time again. Strength that was required at certain times was found. Neither I, nor any of them, knows where this strength comes from, but it is always there when we need it. The strength to survive, the strength to fight against the unjust and the strength to remain true.
The balance is changed sometimes, by forces stronger than the strength we posses. It has been changed now, and unless we can somehow stop the unchecked swing of the scales of fate, we will never regain our strength and our battle for justice will come a bitter end.
~~o0o~~
"Whoa." Jack breathed, pulling his cap off his head.
"Told you." Daniel smirked.
Teal'C calmly took in the scene before him, his face expressionless as usual. Once he'd finished surveying the area and was sure nothing posed a threat, he turned back to his companions, waiting for the next set of instructions from O'Neill.
"Okay then. Carter, you and me will go and get your little sample things and Daniel can take Teal'C and go explore the castles." Jack instructed, putting his cap back on and stepping back into his military mode.
Sam waved good bye to Daniel and Teal'C as they headed off and then turned to her various instruments.
"Need any help?" Jack watched her for a second, studying the way her eyes seemed to glow with excitement at the prospect of fiddling around in the dirt for the next hour or so. Some people were such big kids.
"What? Oh, no thanks Sir."
"Okay. I'm just going to patrol a little, you know. If you need anything..."
"Yes Sir, I've got my 2-way." Sam nodded her head eagerly.
Jack sighed. Never let him be accused of stopping her enthusiasm. He turned his back on her and headed off into the underbrush.
"Jack!" Daniel's voice shattered the silence, crackling over the 2-way before Jack had disappeared from Sam's view.
"What is it?" Jack answered, heading right back to Sam who had stopped scratching around and was listening to the conversation curiously.
"What exactly did the UAV show?" Daniel breathed excitedly into the small black box, his eyes trained on the object in the distance.
"Not much of use really, the tree cover was too thick and for some reason - we think it has to do with the magnetic fields of the planet - the signal was terrible. We only got a few scratchy images." Sam spoke, just as curious as Jack now.
"Well...I think you guys should really come and see this." Daniel stated, barely able to contain his excitement.
"What is it?" Jack demanded, the feeling of unease settling over him. Whenever Daniel got really excited about something, it usually wasn't good.
"A Go'auld landing pedestal." Teal'C gave away Daniel's surprise.
"A what?" Jack asked, dumbfounded. How on earth could a UAV miss that??
"A Go'auld..."
"I heard you." Jack interrupted, glancing at Sam, his mind already whirling. "Daniel, you and Teal'C don't move. Carter and I are coming, okay?" He snapped crisply.
"But Jack..." Daniel started.
"No buts. You wait there. Teal'C, make sure he doesn't do anything stupid." Jack instructed, helping Sam up with his free hand and starting to jog in the direction that Daniel and Teal'C had taken.
"Daniel?" Jack called out, breaking into a clearing close to the hill in front of the castle.
"Here Jack." Daniel's voice echoed to them from a little further away. Breathlessly Sam and Jack hurried over to where they could now make out Daniel and Teal'C lying on the hill, their binoculars trained on something in the distance.
"There." Teal'C pointed.
"Wow!" Sam breathed, her eyes wide as she looked at the scene in front of her.
"Okay. That's it boys and girls, we're heading home." Jack said firmly, the hordes of Jaffa in the distance causing him to make the decision instantly.
"Why wasn't the Stargate guarded?" Sam asked suddenly.
There was a silence in the clearing as everyone thought about it.
"Maybe they don't consider anyone a threat. Besides, there isn't a ship here yet." Daniel pointed out slowly.
"Okay, that's it. Pack up your stuff Carter and let's get going." Jack ordered, standing up in the cover of a bush and waiting for the rest of his team to join him.
"Jack..." Daniel started out, his eyes wide and horror filled as he glanced behind Jack.
"Oh no." Jack groaned as he heard the all-to familiar sound of a staff weapon charging.
The Jaffa behind him ordered something. Jack looked at Teal'C helplessly.
"Surrender your weapons, O'Neill, or you will be killed." Teal'C translated helpfully, earning a glare from Jack.
"Colonel..." Sam looked at him, her eyes begging him not to do anything stupid.
Jack studied all three members of his team quickly, taking in their positions. Sam was still on her knees, balancing precariously on a small mound. Teal'C was standing, but he had no weapon. And Daniel...Daniel was still lying on the ground, also unarmed.
More Jaffa materialised through the trees in front of him and he slowly lowered his gun in defeat, his shoulders slumping.
Sensing he was in control, the Jaffa behind Jack prodded him with the staff weapon. Jack fell to his knees, his eyes apologising to Sam for letting her down. He shouldn't have let them get caught, not like this.
~~o0o~~
I keep thinking about what I could have done different, about how I should have been more alert. My attitude was wrong from the beginning, I treated the mission as a field trip. That's where I made my mistake. An abandoned world with a broken down castle...what danger could there possibly be? A lot more than I ever anticipated.
I cringe everytime I think about that moment, the moment I surrendered without a fight. We never talked about, thanks to me. Oh, she tried a few times, so did the others, but I refused to talk to them about it. The shame stung me more than I thought possible, and coupled with my pride, that ruined us.
~~o0o~~
They'd been walking for what felt like hours. She could make out the slave camps ahead of them, no doubt they would be kept there. Maybe, if they were lucky, the could make their escape. But she doubted that, she couldn't find that last little bit of hope in her because she was too tired.
"Carter." Jack reached down and pulled her up as she fell, noting that the large bruise forming on the side of her face wasn't good. She'd been unconscious for nearly three hours after that brute had struck her, and Teal'C had to carry her. Now she was stumbling along, barely able to keep her balance.
"Sorry." She whispered, the movement of her mouth sending the stars exploding over her eyes again.
"You okay?" He asked her, keeping his hold on her arm and guiding her over the rough ground.
"Yeah, I'm fine." She lied, they all knew it. But no one said anything. What use would it do to force the truth out of her. Even if she did admit to being in a bad way, there was nothing they could do about it.
"I'm going to kill these bastards." He muttered loud enough for the rest of SG-1 to hear. Sam shot him a pleading look before stumbling again. She regained her balance thanks to his hold.
"Silence!" The Jaffa shouted suddenly, stabbing her in the back with his staff weapon again. She fell forwards and Jack heard the sickening snap of her arm as she landed on it.
"Oh God." Daniel sucked his breath in, stopping to help Jack. A smarting blow on his back from the nearby Jaffa sent him stumbling forwards.
"Keep walking." The Jaffa ordered Teal'C and Daniel.
Teal'C glanced back over his shoulder, his face devoid of expression even though inside he was sick with worry.
Jack gently picked Sam up in his arms, his own injuries screaming protest as he carried her dead weight in his arms. The Jaffa laughed cruelly as her arm dangled uselessly down. Jack was happy that she was unconscious. At least this way she wasn't in pain.
~~o0o~~
Fly, fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this mem'ry bittersweet
Until we meet
~~o0o~~
They never talked about it, I don't think. Maybe they did, it's not really the kind of thing they'd tell me about. If they did tell me then it wouldn't be as special as it must of been if they had. I'm going round in circles.
I would ask him if he talked about it, but that might remind him and send him back again, send him back onto that brink of self destruction he's been on so many times now. I'm amazed he hasn't fallen in yet. I thought he would. I honestly thought he would purposely throw himself over the edge just to be with her. Maybe he will, he's just working up the courage. Or maybe he thinks he won't go to where she is, he'll go somewhere else, because we all know where she is now.
~~o0o~~
Teal'C kept a watch over his friends as Jack tended to Carter. She still hadn't woken up, her arm was swollen and the harsh blueness of the bruise on her face scared all of them. Carter was strong, she was a soldier. But she was also woman, a fragile human that could be broken easily.
Jack was shaking as he splinted her arm gently, wishing he had their packs and could find some of those anesthetic painkillers Janet always included in them.
"What do you think's going to happen, Teal'C?" Daniel asked hesitantly, his voice a whisper in the darkness.
"We will either be used as slaves..." Teal'C started out and then hesitated.
"Or what?"
"You will be made hosts or executed." Teal'C admitted, hating the words as they rolled off his tongue.
"What about you?"
"My primta will be removed." Teal'C said calmly. His fate was not his concern right now. That of his friends was more to be concerned about.
"What about Sam?" Daniel persisted. He had to know all the details, even in this situation he was still searching for answers.
"She will last as a slave. She will either die or be healed."
"And if she's healed?"
Teal'C didn't want to answer the questions.
"She will be made into a host or used for other means."
Daniel was finally silent. Jack clenched his jaw, happy that Daniel finally hadn't needed something spelled out to him.
"When will we know?" Daniel asked softly, glancing over at Sam who whimpered softly in her unconsciousness.
"I do not know, Daniel Jackson." Teal'C said, an edge creeping onto his voice.
"Daniel, just shut up would you." Jack snapped, sensing Teal'C's agitation.
"Sorry." Daniel apologised. "How is she?"
"Not good. I'm worried about her head, I think she's concussed." Jack stated calmly, smoothing Sam's hair off her forehead.
"They come." Teal'C announced suddenly.
Everyone tensed as the sound of Jaffa echoed through the chamber and the prison door opened, blinding them witht the bright light of the outside world. This time it wouldn't be Bra'tac rescuing them, they knew that.
"Bring the woman." One of them commanded, knocking Teal'C to his knees.
"Who, me?" Jack asked, watching them.
"Yes." The Jaffa snapped impatiently. "Hurry." He added as Jack carefully lifted Sam again, making sure her arm was securely tucked on her so that it wouldn't dangle again.
Daniel and Teal'C watched with heavy hearts as Jack was lead away and the door was closed again, throwing their room into the dimness they were used to.
Jack didn't need to be a genius to work out that they were on the Go'auld mother ship that had landed earlier that day when they were marching. The ship that Sam had exclaimed about and earned her than knock on the head that had started her downhill spiral.
Their footsteps echoed ominously down the long halls, a steady drum condemning them all. They should never have been caught. They should have gone, done their little 'experiments' and studies and then returned home, argued over who showered first, debriefed and then gotten ready for the next mission. This should never have happened.
"Enter." A metallic voice called them. Fear clutched at Jack's heart and attached itself to him. A Go'auld.
"These are the ones you found on the planet?" Jack looked up at the Go'auld. A female. A new one. One he hadn't seen before.
"Yes, my Lord." The Jaffa nodded, bowing his head. Jack felt a staff weapon being jammed against his legs and he fell forwards, only pure stubbornness keeping Sam safe in his arms.
"Who are you?" The Go'auld demanded. "Why do you have Jaffa in your presence?" She continued. "You are Tau'ri, are you not? The ones to whom the Traitor turned for protection. I have him now, the System Lords will be well pleased."
"So you think you're so smart?" Jack bit out, the words slipping off his tongue before he could think.
"You will not think yourself so clever soon." The Go'auld grinned at him, the perfect white teeth glowing palely next to the golden eyes.
"Oh, and why's that?" Jack taunted, remembering Teal'C's advice on Go'auld arrogance.
"Soon I will be in my new host. She is very beautiful, do you not think?" The Go'auld smiled at him.
"Who?" He knew the answer. He didn't want to know it, but he did.
"The one who escaped Hathor, who else?" The Go'auld reached out a hand and ran it through Sam's tangled hair.
"You mean Sam here?" Jack looked down at the woman unconscious in his arms.
"Yes." The Go'auld straightened herself. "Soon she will be known as Calla." The Go'auld said smugly.
"Calla? Is that who you are?" Jack sounded sarcastically happy to have found that out.
"Yes." The eyes glowed. "You will witness my power, human."
Jack's fingers tightened around Sam, he pulled her tightly against him. "I think not."
The eyes glowed again angrily. An order was barked out in the Go'auld language and Jack only had time to think 'Damn, not again' before the Zat gun struck him and he fell forwards in agony, still clutching Sam.
When she was pulled from his arms there was nothing he could do. He was aware of another order being given and readied himself for his final moments. The second blast of the Zat gun never reached him. Instead, he became aware of a sarcophagus being opened and realised with a sickening feeling, that Sam would be put in it.
He lay back down on the floor and curled up in a ball. He had lost someone else to the Go'auld now.
~~o0o~~
Everything has a weakness, it is just a matter of locating that weakness. Some weaknesses are better hidden than others, while other weaknesses still are more apparent than anything else.
What we thought to be her weakness was her strength, and what they both believed would be their undoing as what held us together. An important lesson was learnt in that time, though it came to late. I know he regrets it now.
Never underestimate the strength that love brings with it.
~~o0o~~
Calla glanced at the human curled up in the corner, watching her dully. They were a weak race. She wondered how these two humans in her presence defeated both Apophis and Ra, two of the strongest Go'auld. Perhaps they were not as strong as they thought. Calla was stronger. She knew their weaknesses, she could see the weakness between these two and would play on it. For a long time it will amuse her.
"Come." She ordered the human. "Come and witness." Two Jaffa pulled him to his feet roughly. She would start with her entertainment now.
They held him in position, forcing him to look down at her. Calla nodded her head and the priestesses appeared. The new host would be prepared first, and then he would watch. He would watch everything.
Jack fought down the impulse to struggle against their hold as the women Jaffa appeared. He tried to turn his head away, but it was held in place. He couldn't help himself, he watched, morbidly fascinated as they slowly undressed Sam. He closed his eyes, he shouldn't be watching, it betrayed everything he felt for her, everything they fought for.
"You are weak." Calla sneered, watching as he clenched his jaw. He was stronger than she thought, he had not watched. He was still not watching as the new garbs were placed on his beloved. She looked down at her new host. The golden hair and fair skin...a truly beautiful specimen. Calla would be the envy of many Go'auld for a long time.
Jack heard her comment but he ignored it. He wouldn't betray Sam. No matter what. He was moved again and peeked hesitantly through one eye, afraid of what he'd see. All he saw was Sam wearing different clothing. Green clothing, strange clothing that left her more exposed than Jack had ever seen her. The smooth skin of her stomach was visible, her long legs, her shoulders...he closed his eyes again.
"Soon she will be healed, and then..." Calla trailed of ominously, smiling to herself. She had seen the look on his face, the way his eyes had drunk in the details of the woman lying so still in the sarcophagus. Calla's eyes glowed and she closed the sarcophagus.
Jack went weak with disbelief. No. They couldn't do this. Not to Sam.
~~o0o~~
I know a lot of things aren't acceptable in their little 'world.' Okay, fair enough, we all come from the same planet, but they were so...rigid in following all the rules. I know for a fact that a few blind eyes would have been turned, including from the man the highest up. But even that couldn't, or wouldn't, persuade them to act on what they both knew.
Everyone knew it, and everyone also knew they would never do anything. That made it all the more intriguing, imaginations ran wild. I thought it just proved how strong they were. I think a lot of strength that we had came from the two of them and their determination to be true to themselves and what they believed in. I respect them for that, but I know he regrets it now.
I'm sure that if things were the other way around she would also regret it. A lot. She would talk about it though. He never talks about it though, and no one forces him because they all know what he's like.
~~o0o~~
Something was wrong. Her memory told her she should be hurting, a lot. She had been hurting, the last thing she remembered was the Colonel making that comment...
She opened her eyes and realised with a sickening feeling in her throat why she was feeling fine. She'd been in a sarcophagus.
Determinedly she sat up, ready to fight her way free. Hope was burning strongly now, just as strongly as her heart was beating and her arms were moving.
"Welcome." The voice struck fear into her heart. She turned to find herself staring at a woman, a woman whose eyes were glowing victoriously.
Sam didn't answer. Why should she bother?
"Your friend was most anxious about you...however I am sure he is now relieved." The Go'auld continued. Sam looked around and saw him kneeling on the floor a little way away. What was going on?
"Now that you are ready..." The Go'auld turned to her Jaffa and said something. All but one, the one guarding the Colonel, left.
Sam realised what was going to happen as soon as the Go'auld turned to her again, a smile of satisfaction on the old host's face.
"No." Sam whispered, memories of Jolinaar taking her over flashing through her.
Calla grinned. The woman was even weaker than she had thought and the man was proving to be less of a challenge than she had hoped. Slowly she raised the hand with her weapon.
Jack watched helplessly as Sam's eyes met his. He had never seen her looking so scared, so completely terrified.
"Sam!" He cried out, earning a jab in his back from the ever present staff weapon.
Calla smiled in satisfaction. Her conclusions about the relationship between this man and the woman were right. Her amusement would prove to be great.
The ribbon device glowed into life and Sam braced herself for the certain pain that was coming. Instead of the pain she was expecting, she felt her body lock up, her nerves refusing to function and send messages to her muscles. She moved her eyes in panic, searching for the Colonel. She couldn't see him, not in this lying down position.
Calla looked once more at the woman lying helpless in front of her, the smooth white column of her throat exposed. Slowly she squeezed the life from her current host and then hastily detached herself from the dying woman.
Jack watched with horror as the Go'auld's eyes glowed and then the woman slumped forwards. A silent scream tore through him as the Go'auld emerged from the woman's neck and slowly started squirming it's way up Sam's body, towards her neck.
"NO!" Jack screamed. He moved with a lightning speed, whipping around and grabbing the staff weapon from the Jaffa. It went off, striking his left arm solidly and sending a blinding pain searing through him.
The Jaffa, seeing his pain and obvious inability to attack again relaxed and turned his attention back to the fascinating process of 'the changing of Gods'.
Jack saw the Jaffa's inattentiveness through his haze of pain and leapt for the inert staff weapon. His hand closed over it and he swung it around, firing a fatal shot at the stunned Jaffa who dropped like a rock.
Somehow Jack managed to find the Zat gun the Jaffa carried and activated it.
"Sorry Sam." He gasped, squeezing the weapon. He watched with satisfaction as the parasites journey towards Sam's throat ended and the thing writhed around Sam who was also jerking in painful spasms. Ignoring the strange spinning sensation and the colour bursts of light he kept seeing, Jack made his way over to Sam and ripped the Go'auld away from her. He squeezed the Zat gun again and again, delighted to see the Go'auld just disintegrate. He smiled down at Sam who blinked up at him, trying to regain control of her body and then collapsed, half on top of her.
~~o0o~~
I know they're all expecting me to end it, to cease my existence. I can see the thoughts in their eyes, I can read the question that faces me each time I talk to someone. They are all confused, wondering why I haven't.
I would have by now, only I made a promise. I always try to keep my promises.
Till death do us part. I kept my wedding vows. Death did part us, but not in the way the vows intended it to.
This parting is more final though, and it hurts more. I would have stepped over the brink by now, I have lost the will to continue. The only thing keeping me alive is that promise I made.
~~o0o~~
Daniel shifted in the darkness. The light had long ago disappeared. He wondered where Sam and Jack were, why hadn't they come back yet? Were they going to come back?
"Teal'C?" He asked, breaking the silence.
"Yes Daniel Jackson?" Teal'C answered him, dreading the archeologists questions.
"Why aren't they back yet?"
"I do not know." Teal'C sighed. Daniel Jackson was, as O'Neill once said, worse than a little kid on a really long car trip. Teal'C hadn't understood that at first, until Jack took Cassie, Daniel, Ry'ac and himself up to his cabin. Both Cassie and Ry'ac had acted in a similar fashion as Daniel was now, continually asking the same type of questions in a different way. "The guards come." He realised suddenly.
Daniel and Teal'C both tensed in anticipation as the footsteps grew louder. The door was swung open again and the light blinded them both. A grunt was heard as a new body was flung down amongst them.
"Gather them." A familiar voice ordered. Daniel jerked his head up in dismay and felt all his hope curling into a ball and withering away. Sam was a Go'auld. The authority over the Jaffa, the strange clothes and the Ribbon Device all pointed to it.
"Oh no." He whispered. He looked at Jack, rubbing his head painfully. The man looked terrible, he realised. He didn't know what Sam and Jack had been through, though he realised he had a pretty good idea, given that Sam was a Go'auld.
"I want them ready for transport." Sam continued, expressionless eyes resting on him momentarily. He could of sworn he saw a flicker of her old self in the eyes, but it was gone before he could be sure. She was fighting the Go'auld, he knew that much.
A Jaffa pointed his staff weapon at them. Teal'C and Jack both got up without complaint. He looked at them. Where was there fight? Where was their stubbornness not to let the snakes win? Why was Jack so calm? This was Sam who was infested!!
"Move." The Jaffa ordered.
"Escort us to the Chappa'i." Sam/the Go'auld instructed imperiously. The Jaffa nodded and turned to go.
"I beg of you, my Goddess Calla..." Another Jaffa started, looking suspiciously at Sam.
"You dare to challenge me?" She said, her voice icy and her eyes glaring at the Jaffa.
"Yes." The Jaffa sounded more confident now.
"Feel the power of my wrath." Calla stated, holding her hand out and activating the ribbon device. The fear on the Jaffa's face as he realised his mistake lasted only a minute before he fell to the ground, his eyes glassy in death.
"Now, take me to the Chappa'i!" Calla ordered, looking around at the remaining Jaffa. They all bowed quickly, their confidence in her restored by her display of power.
Daniel swallowed as he looked at the dead man. Why wasn't Sam fighting? Why was she letting the Go'auld win so easily?
~~o0o~~
Like I've said before, her strength was incredible. Her looks fooled a person, she didn't look strong enough. But she was. She faced what she feared the most and she saved us, all of us. I still don't know what happened to them, between them. A lot changed in that time, between the two of them, but they never spoke about it.
I'm sorry I ever doubted them, that I doubted her. He found it hard to forgive me for doubting, I find it had to forgive myself. But still, he hasn't stepped over the brink yet, and it looks like he won't. Why, I don't know, all reasoning says he should have stepped over the brink a long time ago. He knows we think that, he's not stupid. I just wonder what's kept him on this side.
~~o0o~~
"Where do you wish to go, my Goddess?" The Jaffa asked politely.
"Chulak." Calla said firmly.
"Chulak?"
"You question me?" Calla demanded.
"No, my Goddess." The Jaffa hastened to apologise. Instantly a Jaffa dialed the planet Calla had requested. Two stepped through the ring before her. The next two prodded Jack, Daniel and Teal'C through the ring. Calla followed through and the last of her escort stepped through.
Jack flinched as he stepped through the ring and found several staff weapons aimed at him.
"By whose authority?" A priest demanded.
"By that of Calla." Calla announced, sweeping through the ring, her clothes flowing.
"You are not Calla."
"You dare to question me?" Calla demanded, raising her hand and firing the ribbon device at the priest. Three other Jaffa and one of her own were caught in the huge blast.
"No, my Goddess." The remaining priest and Jaffa bowed.
"I wish for Apophis to be notified of my presence and the gifts I bear for him." Calla said, motioning towards her captives.
Daniel felt himself start to shake. This was not good.
"Immediately, my Goddess." The priest and other Jaffa all bowed.
"Escort them. Two remain here with my prisoners." Calla ordered her surprised Jaffa. They didn't argue though, and hurried to do her bidding.
"So, you are finally to be punished for all your sins." Calla spoke to the prisoners.
Jack and Teal'C both suddenly leapt towards Daniel and knocked him over, sheltering him as Calla used the ribbon device and the last Jaffa were destroyed.
"Thank God." She suddenly sank to her haunches and hugged herself, rocking alone on the steps.
Daniel watched in complete amazement as Jack wrapped his arms around her and hugged her, holding her while she struggled for her control again.
"Sam?" He asked in disbelief. "I thought you were..." He trailed of, confused.
"She wasn't. It was all an act." Jack remembered Daniel and Teal'C, and hastily removed his arms from her, helping her to her feet.
"How?" Daniel watched her warily.
"Long story. We'll tell you at home." Jack touched Sam's arm gently and nodded to the DHD. Daniel got the hint and hurried over to it, dialing in Earth's address.
~~o0o~~
I am very proud of her. I do not know of others who would have been able to do what she did that day, she was our strength. She was a warrior, but she was also the peacemaker among us. She was willing to go to any lengths to save us, to save him. To me, that is a strength that many never find and even fewer know how to use.
She could use that strength, as could he, and they used it for others. It would have been easy to abandon what was right for what they both desired, but neither did. They have my respect and friendship always. They also have my love because I am now their brother as they are my family.
~~o0o~~
"Are you sure you're all okay?" General Hammond studied each person in concern, his eyes resting for the longest on Major Carter.
"Yes Sir, we're fine." O'Neill jumped in. "Permission to go, Sir?" He asked hopefully.
"I want you all to go for a check up first. Then you're on downtime for a week." General Hammond agreed, standing up. SG-1 all stood up slowly, their minds full.
"Major, I want to thank you..." he started off.
"For what Sir?" Sam was surprised.
"What you did for SG-1, for the SGC." He said simply.
"I did what anyone would have done, Sir." Sam said honestly. It had been hard, pretending to be a Go'auld, to cold bloodedly kill those Jaffa, but her team was safe again and that was all that mattered.
"If you say so." General Hammond knew it had been hard on her, the easy, sweet Major. "Dismissed."
~~o0o~~
She was always humble, never pretentious. I don't think she ever did anything for credit, she did it all because she loved what she did. Her bravery, her courage was a reflection of her heart. She was the pure one among us.
He might also have been pure, compared to the two of us warriors, but he had his own faults of character and hatred for the Go'auld burnt strongly in him, since they stole his wife.
She was the most innocent, even her appearance spoke of this, but she was the strongest. No one ever thought so, but that's the way it was.
~~o0o~~
The beer was a welcome familiarity against his lips, the bitter taste as comfortable in his mouth as his worn leather jacket was on his back. One more night and then back to work.
Jack sighed.
He hadn't seen or heard from her since debriefing a week ago. He wondered how she was. Thinking about it, the events and reading them in his report, she hadn't really appeared to have done that much. Just got herself knocked out, a broken arm.
Got herself healed, nearly had a host made out of her...but not quite. Then, pretending to be the Go'auld and saving the whole team...She had done a lot more than that though. She had looked beyond her own fears, ignored her own ethics just to save them. She'd used the object she hated, the ribbon device, and she'd cold bloodedly killed 'innocent' Jaffa. She'd been acting like a Go'auld.
To keep that act up the whole time after the whole Go'auld incident, after watching him die and then putting him in the sarcophagus. She had raised him from the dead, so to speak, and killed three Jaffa while she was doing it. Then she'd come up with the idea to impersonate the Go'auld, and he'd agreed to it. They were all safe.
And trying to work out exactly why that mission had taken so much from them, why it had turned sour and who they blamed. And what they were blaming on the scapegoat.
He should go and see her. He should tell her the truth about what that kiss had meant to him. The kiss they'd both conveniently left out of the mission reports and were now trying to deal with.
He shouldn't have kissed her when he realised he was alive and she wasn't a Go'auld. He shouldn't have run his hands over her like that, testing her skin to make sure that she was really there. He shouldn't have kissed her after she told him her plan, and then just marched out into the corridor, expecting her to just start acting like that.
He should go and see her.
~~o0o~~
Life is cruel. It's incredibly cruel. I've known that for a long time. But then something happens that makes you think it's not out to get you and you start forgetting how cruel and thoughtless it is. And then your whole world comes crashing down and you remember.
I'm happy that is wasn't the other way around. I'm happy that things happened the way they did, because it means she won't be the one with all the guilt, with all the regrets.
~~o0o~~
Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear
You heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forget
~~o0o~~
She had been expecting him to come for a visit at first, hoping he'd come. Daniel, Teal'C, Janet, the General...none of them knew what really made that mission so hard.
Things had changed on that mission, changed and she wasn't sure if they were for the better. He'd kissed her. She'd kissed him back. One kiss. Now everything was different.
Why had he kissed her? Why had his hands suddenly alighted on her skin when she turned to put the hand device on? Why had she felt as though she was on fire when they had moved over her? Why had he just left without saying anything? Why hadn't he come for a visit yet?
Sam sighed and sipped her ice cold coffee. It tasted disgusting, how long had she been sitting there in thought, musing over something that shouldn't have happened? Long enough for the sun to nearly be setting and her toes to feel like ice cubes.
It was getting too hard, all this pretending. She'd thought she'd had the strength to hide what she wanted, what they both wanted. And she had, at first. But it got harder the stronger her feelings grew. Their strength was challenging her own, sapping her strength away and crumbling her resolve. If she didn't act soon then it would be too late to ever stop disaster from happening.
She sighed as she put her mug in the sink, pouring out the foul mixture. Curling her lips in disgust she set to work, cleaning her kitchen. This last week was one she hoped never passed again. Her dishes weren't done, her clothes were dirty. All because she'd been fighting feelings that were threatening to win.
"Coming." She called as the doorbell rang. Glancing down at her clothes in dismay, she dried her hands on a clean tea towel and hurried to open the door. "Colonel!" She should have known he'd come, so why was she so surprised now that he was finally here?
"Carter." He took in her patched sweat pants and the slightly grubby T shirt she was wearing. No make up and her hair looked like it hadn't been brushed since she'd showed, just towel dried it and left it to it's own devices.
"Uh...hi." She felt self conscious under his gaze. The clothes hid her femininity, she felt like the soldier she was.
"Can I come in?" He asked hopefully, the wind was cold.
"Sure, sure!" She stepped back, tripping over her shoes.
He reached out automatically and caught her, steadying her and giving her balance.
"Thanks." She pulled her hand away from his. It felt cold and bare without his warm fingers curled around hers. Abruptly she turned around and led the way into her loungeroom.
Jack looked around in surprise. This wasn't the kind of room he'd pictured her having, but it suited her. Very feminine, lots of trinkets and ornaments. Bright and happy. Very much Sam.
"Nice place." He felt obliged to say, a comment to break the silence.
"Thanks." She smiled at him, her eyes smiling the way they normally did. "Want a drink? I've just done all the dishes and now I need to dirty them again." She joked.
It was easier than she thought, slipping back into the old joking friendship between them.
"Sure." He agreed. Something stronger would have been nice, but he doubted she would approve. She could probably smell the alcohol on his breath. He was under the influence, he decided, that's the only reason he made this visit.
"Thanks." She appeared a few minutes later and handed him the steaming mug.
They sat in silence, each surreptitiously watching the other and thinking.
"Why are you here?" Sam asked eventually, cutting to the point bluntly.
"I...I don't know." Jack admitted, fiddling with his empty, but still warm hug. "I want to...apologise...I guess."
"For what?" Sam asked, feeling her hopes plummet.
"For kissing you. And touching you like that. I had no right...and if you want to press charges then...."
"No." She shook her head, feeling relief.
"And I just wanted to say that if you wanted to apply for a transfer then that's okay..."
"Colonel." She said it softly, affectionately, and he stopped, looking at her. He was confused.
"I'm sorry." He said again, that confused little boy look on his face melting her heart.
"Don't be." She whispered, looking down at her half full mug in her hands. "I'm not."
"You're not?" He was smiling slightly now.
"No. I enjoyed it. I shouldn't have...but I did." She looked up at him and mirrored the smile on his face.
"I know. Me too." He agreed, his eyes shamelessly tracing her lips and drinking in the lines of her body as the material caught it when she moved.
She blushed under his obvious scrutiny, hesitant about how to act with this sudden, new found honesty. He smiled at her blush, wishing her could kiss her again. Sam licked her lips self consciously and he put his mug firmly on the table. No.
"Well...I should get going then." He said reluctantly, standing up.
"Do you have to?" She asked softly, holding her breath.
"Yes." He started down into her eyes, wishing the distance between them was less. "I can't stay, Sam." Jack whispered sadly.
"I know." She smiled slightly, standing up. "Thank you."
"For what?" He was surprised now.
"For coming here, talking...for saving my butt." She laughed slightly, dispelling the tension between them.
"It's a very nice one to save." He flirted, grinning at the shocked look on her face. "If you raise your eyebrows any higher you might lose them." He laughed openly at her and she joined in, her cheeks red and glowing.
"Thanks." She said again at the door, looking up at him. "I wish..." She started out, but catching herself in time.
"You wish what?" He asked softly, lost in her eyes.
"That I could have something I can't have." She told him frankly, sighing.
"I'm yours Sam." He touched her cheek tenderly with one hand. "Always." he promised her.
"I'm yours too." She closed her, leaning into his caress, unable to stop the tear from trickling out from underneath her eyelid.
"Hey..." He brushed it away gently, framing her face with both of his hands. "I love you, okay?" He waited until she opened her emotion-filled eyes and looked up at him.
"I love you too..." She trailed off.
"But?" He felt scared.
"It's so hard." She sighed, reaching up and putting a hand over one of his.
"I know. But when this is over..."
"It might not be. What happens if I die? What happens if you die?" She demanded suddenly. "Do you know how close we were to losing this time? We can't just march up and change fate all the time." She snapped. "We're not god's and we're not invincible."
He brushed the tears away again and looked at her.
"I know that Sam." He whispered softly. "And I don't want to lose you." He said gently.
"I'm tired of this." She told him. He felt fear wrap itself around his heart again. "But I'm not leaving." She realised what the look on his face meant, and he relaxed again slightly.
"Sam...if we could...just once...you know...a kind of promise thing..." He said hesitantly, unable to take his hands from her face.
"It would be hard...knowing what we could have but can't have yet." She whispered, lost in his eyes.
"I know...but just in case..." He breathed, kissing her cheek.
"Just this once?" She asked softly, looking up at him.
"For now." He agreed, pulling her trembling body into a hug. "I love you."
"I love you too, Jack. For always, okay?" She hugged him fiercely. "Promise you'll never forget that or give up on me, okay?" She demanded.
"I promise." He kissed her forehead.
"No matter what." She persisted, her tear filled eyes looking up at him, begging him.
"I promise Sam. I'll always wait for you, okay?" He told her gently.
"Good." She smiled into his chest as he hugged her again. "Just this once...for now." She echoed his words as his lips found hers.
~~o0o~~
I told her once that she'd never really known what love was. I think I was right, then. But now...I'm sure she knows what love is. That aching, that complete devotion to the person who owns your heart. That willingness to do anything for the person you love.
I don't know what goes on inside his head, what he thinks. I know he feels guilty, because I do too, to a certain extent. I know there's nothing either of us could have done, and I know it was her choice to lay down her life for us...but the guilt is still there because she sacrificed so much for us.
~~o0o~~
"I love you Sam." Jack whispered, kissing her forehead again. She sighed in her sleep and her hand curled up in his hair again. Reluctantly he moved out of reach, kissed the palm of her hand and stood up.
He had to go now. It was the rules, the way it was. He didn't want to go, but he had to.
She'd wake up soon, and he'd be gone. She'd cry about it, he knew that, but she'd be strong again and come to work in a few hours, smiling and readying herself for their next mission.
He wondered if he could be strong enough to keep his promise to her. Just this once, for now.
Sam stretched and rolled over, memories of the previous night washing over her, filling her with happiness. He was gone though, just as she knew he would be. It hurt her, that he'd left, but it was part of the promise he'd made and that he kept his promise to her gave her hope.
Two hours and she had to be at work. Two hours left before she saw him again and had to pretend that nothing had happened between them.
~~o0o~~
Sometimes people live up to your expectations, and other times they do not. Occasionally they go beyond what you they would. She did, she went far beyond what any of us thought she would go to. We often underestimated her because of what she looked like and the fact that she was not a male, like the rest of us.
She had more courage and strength than any of us could ever hope for.
~~o0o~~
"Oh goody. Another tree filled paradise dead ahead." Jack commented, earning glares from both Sam and Daniel and Major Lewis.
He looked at Sam again. She looked strained, tense. Last night she hadn't looked strained or tense, she'd been happy. He'd been happy. He'd been loved and he had loved. He still loved her, but now he couldn't show it. Soon she would relax again and they would settle into that routine, the one where they pretended nothing had ever happened and where everyone else pretended that nothing 'existed' between the two of them.
"So, Major, did you enjoy the ride?" Jack inquired, grinning at their new recruit. A new man, being tried out by Hammond and assigned to SG-1 for this mission. Not a bad soldier, as far as Jack was concerned, but he needed to lighten up a bit. No, a lot.
"Not really, know. Gate Travel doesn't agree with me." The serious response sounded like something that Teal'C would say.
"Well, if you want to work at the SGC then you're going to have to get used to it." Jack pointed out. This guy was never going to last at the SGC.
"Perhaps with time."
Jack glanced at the man again, then at both Daniel and Sam who just shrugged in amusement.
"What's over there?" Major Lewis asked suddenly, pointing ahead.
"Take cover!" Jack yelled as an energy bolt whizzed past them. Instantly the five of them scrambled behind the trees. "Back to the gate!" He ordered, covering them as they ran towards the gate.
"What now?" Major Lewis sounded worried. The way to the gate was through a clearing and they were still under heavy fire.
"A diversion." Sam stated, her breathing heavy as she ducked another shot.
"What do you suggest?"
"I have an idea. When I say now, you guys run for it, okay?" She started creeping away.
"Carter...you're not the one who gives orders around here..." Jack started saying, but she was gone.
"GO!" Sam screamed suddenly.
"What's she doing?" Jack demanded.
"Oh shit!" Daniel sucked his breath in as Sam, appeared in the clearing on the other end of the clearing. They watched with a horrified fascination as she dodged the blasts, running towards the gate.
"She's gonna make it!" Jack realised as she dodged another deadly shot and he got up to sprint to the gate. "Split up!" He called to them.
Daniel beat them all to the gate and dialed the earth address.
"GO GO GO GO!!" Jack screamed. Daniel hesitated a second before jumping through, followed by Teal'C. "SAM!" Jack turned around as Major Lewis ran past him, catching sight of Sam stumbling. "NO!" He screamed, agony tearing through him as she got struck.
"GO JACK!" She yelled, not moving.
"NO! SAM!!" He started running towards her, but Major Lewis grabbed a hold of him.
"Colonel, she's gone!" Major Lewis argued.
"SAM?" Jack called, flinching as another shot struck the mound she was lying behind.
"Colonel, we've got to go!" Major Lewis half dragged Jack through the wormhole.
"Where's Major Carter?" General Hammond demanded, glancing at Jack's hysteria with a shocked face.
"SAAAM!" Jack fought against the hold Major Lewis had on him and ran back up to the wormhole. The wormhole disengaged, and as it disengaged Jack sank to his knees, lost.
~~o0o~~
Things fell apart. I don't think anyone realised just how much we relied on her. She was the expert on so many things, her mind was far above the rest of us.
He took it harder than I thought he would, but it was then I realised how much she really meant to him. She was basically his life, and she was gone. I still don't know why he hasn't stepped over the brink.
~~o0o~~
It's final, the flag being folded and handed to Jacob signifies it.
He's numb as he stands through the ceremony. He gives his speech, he doesn't even know what Daniel wrote for him to say. He could have said he loved her, and he still wouldn't have known.
She's gone. She's really gone. She's not here anymore to challenge fate with him, she's not here to make him smile, to give him hope.
But he can't just end it, he made her a promise that he would never give up, and ending his life would mean breaking that promise. He would never break a promise to her, never.
That was months ago though; nearly a year, the funeral, the destroyed probes, the scrubbed missions to retrieve her; to retrieve the body that she once lived in.
He's got photos of her, millions of them. They line his pockets, his wallet, his room, his kitchen, his office. Everyone knows about them, they've all seen them. They know he loved her. They know she loved him though, even though she didn't leave any evidence behind about that fact, other than her journal which Jacob gave to him. He read the last page, and that was all. He didn't want to invade her privacy, or ruin her trust.
The stars are still shining in the sky and the sun still rises each and day and sets, as regular as clockwork, as regularly as he thinks about her and that one night they had together before she lost to him forever.
If he had ever doubted her love, her actions that day completely stamped it out. She had died for him...for all of them, but she had called his name out. He couldn't throw away her sacrifice by taking his own life, and he couldn't continue to live in this grief stricken, mournful way. It wasn't living.
He had to let her go.
~~o0o~~
I love her. I still love her. She was my complete life, but if I'm going to keep my promise to her, I have to let her go. I don't want to let her go, but I've got too. If I want to make her death worthwhile then I have to continue, I have to fight now, not just for me but for her too.
I have to keep her memory and spirit alive, I have to remind others of who she was, because if they forget her then it was a worthless sacrifice. My existence is thanks to her, she is the reason that I'm still alive and because of that others know about what she did.
She was everything perfect, everything pure, and she loved me. I love her so much I cry when I think about her. I'm crying, my tears have ruined countless copies of pictures of her, the salty tears ruining the fragile paper the way those energy bolts ruined her fragile life.
I miss her. I've got to let her go, and I will. I'm letting her go, and I'm going to live my life for her. There won't be anyone else, ever, and I'm okay with that. I'm hers for always, and when we do meet again I'll be proud to tell her I never stopped waiting for her.
I love her so I'm letting her go.
~~o0o~~
Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light.
~~o0o~~
'Fly'
Performed by Celine Dion on her 'Falling into You' Cd.
Written by Jean-Jacques Goldman & Phil Galdston
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Sharim
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