Flying with Fear
by Sharim
Title: Flying with Fear
Author: Sharim
Email: misssharim@yahoo.com
Status: Complete
Category: Romance, angst, S/J
Spoilers: I don't think any major ones,
Season/sequal info: Season 4 (I'd guess)
Rating: PG -13
Content Warnings: Heaps of angst, sorry.
Summary: Sam and Jack go missing thanks to some aliens, and the consequences of their disappearance create tensions, problems and awkwards situations at the SGC.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, I wasn't paid. I just made it up.
Authors Note: Thanks Suds for beta-ing this for me. It's my first fan-fic, I wrote it ages ago and can't remember what I wrote in it, so if there are any major spoilers I'm really really really sorry. Feedback would be very much loved!!
thanks:)
Her head hurt. A lot. She allowed herself to lie there for another second and then forced her eyes open, wincing at the brilliance of the light around her.
"She's awake!" A voice hissed somewhere in the distance. Blurrily she made out a shadow against the brightness. Who or what was it? Where was she? What happened?
Sluggishly she forced her mind back, trying to search for anything. Nothing. A face flitted across her memory and with it came the fleeting sliver of panic, fear. She closed her eyes in defeat. She was too tired, her head hurt too much. Where was he?
Where was who? The thought taunted her. She knew there was something she should be remembering, something she should be doing, but she didn't know what.
"That is not allowed. See to it at once!" A sharp voice commanded, grating against her befuddled mind. She was dimly aware of something being pushed into her arm. It didn't hurt, she just knew the sensation felt familiar. Why?
She sighed slightly in defeat. Let sleep claim her.
* * *
"Damnit Sir, we have to go back there!" His voice bounced off the walls, echoing around the oddly empty debriefing room. The empty chairs taunted him, speaking clearly of their absence. His mouth pulled into a taught line as he turned to face the man who he had just yelled at.
"Don't use that tone of voice with me Son. I understand you're upset, but until..."
"I'm upset am I? Two of my best friends are gone and you tell me to calm down?" He screamed. The thought flitted across his mind that maybe he was hysterical, over reacting. They always managed to get out of scraps, always came home even if they were a little battered and bruised. They were invincible.
"Dr. Jackson!" General Hammond's voice cut across his train of thought.
"General, please! They're out there somewhere, I know it!" Daniel sank down onto a chair, burying his head in his hands and closing his eyes.
"I know what you're saying Son, but I can't send anymore teams out looking for them. There are already three more than I was authorised to send out!" General Hammond said softly, shaking his head gently.
"But it's only been a week. You can't call the search off after just a week!" Daniel whispered brokenly, jumping up off the chair. Jack's chair, he realised dimly.
"Daniel...please." General Hammond looked tired, Daniel realised. More tired than usual. More tired than he'd ever seemed before.
"Maybe I've missed something. Something important." Daniel sighed, pushing his glasses up on his nose as he left the room to go and find Teal'C for some help.
* * *
The flames were burning brightly in the night air. He was captivated by the way the orange tongues of heat licked the brown, strong pieces of wood until they turned black and then fell away, useless.
The smoke smelt tangy as it twisted around them. He felt as though it was winding it's way into his mind, confusing him. Something was wrong. He looked around the ring around the fire, watching the people eating. He looked down at the meat in his hands, wondering why a ball of vile built it's way up his throat. Nearly as quickly as it had appeared, it disappeared. Shrugging it off, he raised the meat to his mouth and closed his lips around the near raw flesh. He gagged and the flesh fell to the ground, teeth marks imprinted on the bloody tangle. He scrambled to his feet, disappearing into the scrub before he lost the contents of his stomach. He didn't even remember what he had eaten last.
* * *
"No, I don't understand this." Daniel thumped the desk with his fist, not looking at Teal'C. "Why aren't they on that planet?" He demanded.
"Perhaps they are being held captive." Teal'C suggested logically.
"No. Where would they be captive? SG teams have scoured that place, it's not such a big piece of land on that water planet." Daniel shook his head. "I don't understand." He repeated, closing his eyes in defeat. Teal'C looked at Daniel. The normally scrawny man was thinner than usual, his blue eyes large and bloodshot, his unkempt hair hanging wildly in his face. Teal'C wondered what O'Neill and Major Carter looked like at this moment in time.
Daniel started visibly as the klaxons sounded.
"It will be SG-4 returning from their search." Teal'C informed him, not moving.
"Oh. Already." Daniel clenched his jaw as he looked at the papers and books lying spread out on his desk.
"Only SG-2 and SG-5 remain. They are due tomorrow at this hour." Teal'C added unnecessarily.
"And you think I don't know that." Daniel was unusually sarcastic, rubbing his face with his hands. His form slumped tiredly as his phone rang. He reached out a long, weary arm and picked it up listlessly. "Dr. Jackson here." He answered automatically, his eyes scanning the pages of information, not paying attention. "Sorry, I missed that." He muttered into the phone, still not paying attention. "What? Okay, I'll be right there!" Daniel threw his chair backwards as he stood up, banging the receiver down as he looked at Teal'C. "They found something." He didn't need to say more, Teal'C knew what he was talking about.
* * *
She was cold. The back of her neck was hurting and she felt tired, heavy as she sat there amongst the other people. Who were they, she wondered slightly, dazed and unfocused. Her people? No. Who were here people? Where was she? Once again that face floated briefly before her face. Desperately she tried to grab hold of it, to remember it. Nothing, except the shiver of excitement that coursed up her spine for no reason.
She stood up slowly, watching the people. No one spoke, she realised, and that was strange. She wondered why she didn't talk. In the distant shadows she could see little huddles of people. Clans, she thought, clans that had formed here. Where was her clan?
Tired and befuddled she started to walk as the heavens opened and a light rain descended upon them.
* * *
It didn't seem important to him at first. It had been easy to slip in with the people he now called his own. Their slow ways and dazed manner served them all together. They ate when they were hungry, but he had no idea where the food came from. It was always the same food, food he couldn't eat. Instead he ate the plants he saw around him. He wondered briefly why he couldn't eat it, but dismissed the thought as unimportant.
A lot of things weren't important. Why he knew this he didn't know, and he didn't know how he knew it either, but he did. What was important after a while was the niggling that wouldn't leave him alone, the niggling that something was wrong. After entertaining the thought for a second he dismissed it and set about gathering branches. Why he gathered them he didn't know. No one else gathered them, but something told him it was right.
* * *
"That's all?" Daniel sounded disappointed. The sympathetic looks shot his way weren't missed by him, but he decided to ignore them. He would deal with that later.
"I'm sorry Dr. Jackson...we thought maybe it might help." The soldier apologised.
"How? How is a cap and dog tags going to help anything?" Daniel demanded, angry now.
"Well....they were sort of wrapped up you see." The soldier started out.
"Wrapped up?" Instantly he was alert.
"Yes...they were near a burnt patch." The soldier nodded, explaining it.
"Anything else around that suggested life?" Daniel grasped desperately at straws.
"Yes Dr. Jackson....The leaves they were wrapped him had charcoal on them..."
"Pictures?" Daniel demanded suddenly, his eyes giving away how fast his brain was spinning, creating and deleting theories as he went.
"Well...see, I didn't realise until I picked it up so they weren't obviously pictures. But the leaves were scorched in places and some of the scorch marks could be pictures.
"Where's the leaf?" Daniel demanded, his eyes wild and desperate.
"Well...they were lots of little leaves all stuck together with tree sap, sort of like cloth of some sort. When we picked it up the charcoal smudged and the leaves sort of fell apart. We gathered as many as we could but..."
Daniel sighed. "You saw the pictures?"
"Not really."
"If I showed you some diagrams would you be able to say if they looked similar or not?"
"I might be able to.."
"General Hammond, could I have permission for Lieutenant..."
"Granted." Hammond jumped in, standing up. "Dismissed." He added as he marched out of the room.
"Come on...straight to my office." Daniel ordered, dragging the soldier after him.
* * *
She blinked suddenly, wondering where she was. The rain had stopped long ago, her numb mind had briefly registered that, but she hadn't stopped walking. Something had broken her out of the trance-like state she had been in. She wondered what it was that had done that to her, disturbed her from her peace.
She saw it then. It stood out like sore thumb. Why did she think that strange saying? Shaking her head she made her way to the arrangement of sticks, curious despite that fact that she knew it was pointless. It wasn't that important why sticks were arranged or how they arranged and she shouldn't be wasting her time...but she still wanted to know.
The rain returned then and she knew, for some reason unknown to her, that the sticks were shelter. Who's it was she didn't know and it didn't matter. Abandoning her walk she crawled into the shelter and lay down on the grasses laid on the ground, letting sleep claim her again.
* * *
"There are people on that planet, Sir." Daniel stated calmly. He knew what he was doing now...he was in control.
"Granted Dr. Jackson." General Hammond agreed.
"The Lieutenant here has been a big help..."
"Get to the point Dr. Jackson..."
"If I could just make contact with those people, then..."
"Negative. No more teams are being sent to P6R 210. That's it." General Hammond shook his head.
"But General Hammond, Sir, if I could just find out who those people are then..."
"Then what? You'll be closer to finding the Major and Colonel O'Neill?" General Hammond cut him down.
"No! They might know what's happened to them..."
"Dr. Jackson, I can't authorise it." General Hammond shook his, standing up.
"General Hammond, if you'll just hear me out..."
"I'm sorry Daniel. No." He left the room slowly, tiredly.
* * *
Something had alerted him to her presence before he even knew she was there. Maybe it was because some of the sticks had fallen over in the entrance way, or maybe it was the smaller foot prints on the muddy ground that he seemed to notice. The strangest thing, that wasn't really that strange at all but felt right, was that he knew she would be there. He didn't know what she looked like or who she was, he just knew she would be there and that it was her.
As he crawled into the shelter beside her, he could only make out her smaller form in the dark. Without another thought he put his arms around her and pulled her close, enjoying her warmth against him as she drove out the chill that had settled in his bones.
This was right. Her lips curled up slightly, a smile in the darkness that no one could see. His arms settled around waist and fitted to his side like a glove. It was right. She'd found him, she'd found her clan.
* * *
"I don't understand it Teal'C." Daniel sighed, rubbing a hand over a glazed eye.
"Perhaps if you were to get some rest then thing will become more apparent to you." Teal'C suggested, his voice the same tone as always.
"But..."
"You are tired, Daniel Jackson. I believe that sleep will do you well." Teal'C added gently, standing with his exhausted friend.
"Teal'C, we have to find them." Daniel whispered, picking up the photo of the four of them. He'd taken to having that photo on his desk lately, so he wouldn't forget their faces. Everytime he looked up they were there in front of him.
"Indeed." Teal'C agreed, also glancing at the photo.
"No one believes we will." Daniel sighed, putting the photo back down and clenching his fist as he walked towards the door.
"They do not know for certain."
"And neither do we." Daniel said the unspoken. "It's been a month already, Teal'C. A month and we haven't found them."
"There are still many more months left, my friend." Teal'C pointed out as Daniel turned the light off.
"Unfortunately we don't know how many months there are or how many planets there are or how long before we find them." Daniel trailed off, closing his eyes. "I'm sorry Teal'C." He added, walking away, his shoulders slumped.
* * *
The rain had stopped long ago and the ground was drying out. With the ground drying out, the trees also withered. Food was becoming scarce. She could eat the meat, but they didn't have any because they weren't near anyone. Instead they ate the berries and the leaves growing around them.
"Is that the one?" A harsh sound grated against their ears, standing out in the silence of the quiet world.
"It is."
"Why are they here?"
"It does not matter. We found them. Let us take her and go."
He looked at the People approaching them. They would take her from him, he knew that. How he knew that he didn't know.
He looked at her, at her hair which was the colour of the sunlight and her eyes which were as clear as the stream they drank from. He didn't want them to take her, but there was nothing he could do.
She watched them, a sadness settling in her heart. They were here for her. They were going to take her from him. Again. Why? Why did they want her and how did she know?
She stepped closer to him as they drew nearer, drawing comfort from his strength, but they both knew there was nothing either of them could do.
"She doesn't want to go. She wants to stay with him."
"That should not be."
"She woke up at one stage..."
"It was completely. Neither of them should..."
"We have found them and that is enough. Let us take her and go."
"He will follow."
"Only until the doorway. Let him."
He watched silently as their firm hands took hold of her and guided her reluctant form away from him. He stood as they walked away, her head bent in sorrow as she left. Wordlessly he followed them, his silent feet gliding over the ground, his eyes never leaving her while his heart screamed it's protest.
He needed her. He couldn't have her, but he needed her.
He followed them until they reached the large circle of stone that held the water. This was where he lost her, he realised. She would go through the water and he would stay here. Alone.
She turned to look at him once, pausing from her reluctant walk. Their eyes met sadly, hopelessly. A gentle nudge from one of the People sent her forwards and she bowed her head sorrowfully as she stepped into the water. With a slight ripple they all left, the water disappeared and he was alone.
* * *
"You know..." Daniel looked up suddenly, inspiration on his face. Teal'C watched his friend cautiously. Three times Daniel had gotten excited, a new idea, but then it hadn't worked and his friend had slipped into a deeper despair. Teal'C was cautious to feel hope again, lest his friend should fail.
"You know, this writing that the Lieutenant pointed out to me is....yes, from an Ancient European culture called....wait....if I can just...." Teal'C watched silently as Daniel muttered to himself, scratching around on the desk amongst the papers. The scrawny man jumped up suddenly and headed over to a crowded book shelf, his fingers tapping his chin in an agitated manner as his eyes scanned the titles. "AH HA!" He was triumphant, pulling a slim volume from the shelf.
"Yes...it should be here...wonderful!" He exclaimed. "Teal'C!! I've found it, this time I've really found it!" He exclaimed, punching the air jubilantly.
"What have you found?" Teal'C asked calmly.
"Look...this culture....it's similar to the one that the handwriting belongs too....different era though....but the similarities in some of their pictograms is quite obvious in some cases...." Daniel started rambling.
"How will this help us to locate O'Neill and Major Carter?" Teal'C asked bluntly.
"A lot I hope." Daniel grinned, racing out of the door with the book clutched in his hands.
"I beg your pardon?" General Hammond looked at the archeologist who appeared to be talking in a different language.
"I said...I think I know where Sam and Jack are!" Daniel announced happily.
"Where?"
"Well...I don't know their exact location, but I have a pretty good guess where they are...I have seven star constellations here..." Daniel opened the book and thrust it at the General.
"Dr. Jackson, please calm down, you're not making sense." General Hammond ordered.
"Okay. Evidence suggests that the people on this planet are from Ancient European origins, a people called..."
"Get on with it."
"Okay. Now these people used to send people to their Gods..."
"And?"
"Well, virgins and criminals to be exact, were sent to the heavens where the Gods resided. Now I think that if Sam and Jack were maybe doing something sacrilegious without realising it they might have been sent to these 'Gods' through the Stargate because the Gods reside amongst these seven star constellations." Daniel concluded.
"And you want to go through to this address?" General Hammond asked slowly.
"Of course."
"Permission denied."
"WHAT?"
"Son, we have no idea of what's on the other side of that gate on that world. What if it's a Go'auld world?"
"We could send a MALP through..."
"What if they're unfriendly aliens?"
"We have to find them General. I've been slaving away for a month and a half now, nearly two months...and you just want me to give up because you think it might be dangerous?"
"General Hammond, if you will not risk an SG team to retrieve Colonel O'Neill or Major Carter, I wish to have you permission to search for them myself on this world." Teal'C inserted suddenly.
"I'm with the big guy." Daniel said instantly, turning to the General.
"I'll have SG-2 on stand-by. If your theory is correct and this is an address then we'll send a MALP through. If it's positive return then you'll have a go." General Hammond allowed, not even finishing before Daniel was out of the room and on his way to the control room.
"Chevron 6 encoded....Chevron 7...not engaged." The gate technician looked apologetically at Daniel. Everyone looked at him sadly.
"I don't understand it...it should work...I mean...what else could there be..."
"Maybe they're in the wrong order, Dr." A voice suggested.
"Of course!" Daniel turned to the technician.
"I'm onto it!" The technician exclaimed, his fingers already flying.
* * *
He didn't know how long she had been gone, it wasn't really important. All that was important was the fact that she was gone, and he was alone. The stone circle was still dormant, nothing had changed. He had been here since they left, watching each day, only breaking his silent vigil to gather the last of the few berries from the bushes and drink water from the muddy pool a few metres away. The berries were nearly gone. He wondered briefly what he would eat when they were gone, but then brushed the thought away, watching the circle intently.
He didn't move as it turned and the engravings glowed red. Silently he sat as the water appeared in a rush and then settled down. He watched as the water rippled and a small object came through and stopped on the ledge where the ring was standing. A brief flutter of recognition ran through him, but as he tried to catch onto the memory it faded again and he was left musing absently about whether the water was cold or hot.
It's not water, He realised with a start. He didn't know what it was, but it wasn't water.
His interest was aroused as several People stepped through the gate and paused.
"There!" One of them yelled suddenly, pointing towards him. He lazed in the shade of his watch tree as two figures started racing towards him while the rest followed cautiously, raising black objects protectively around them.
"Jack! I never thought I'd see you again!" The same one skidded to a stop in front of him, a look of elation on the strange face. "Jack?" He looked slightly worried now, concerned even.
He wondered why.
"Colonel O'Neill, do you not recognize us?" The other man asked. He glanced at him briefly, curious as to why this man was the colour of rich earth. It wasn't important though, neither of them were her.
"Jack, where's Sam?" The man demanded.
He pictured her in his mind...her hair...her warmth...her smell. Sam. He tried the name out mentally. It fitted her, he decided. Sam. Where was Sam?
"Dr. Jackson...?" A new voice asked. He didn't even bother looking who it was speaking this time or trying to understand what they were saying.
"I don't understand..."
"Maybe he has a head injury...like amnesia or something."
"Why isn't he talking then?"
"I don't know. Let's get him back to Dr. Fraiser..."
They were planning something, he realised as the first two came closer to him. He stiffened in fear, knowing that they wanted to take him away. These weren't the People that had taken her, they were different. He didn't want to go...what if They came back with her? He wouldn't be here to see her then.
"He does not appear to want to leave." Teal'C commented as Jack shrank away from them, fear in his empty eyes, touched with longing.
"I'm going to suggest we sedate him." Another Person said.
They stepped back from him and he relaxed. Maybe they would leave him. His hope was short lived as the Earth Person approached him again, bearing a strange looking object. He felt despair, knowing they had won, as the thing entered his arm. Their faces grew blurred and the last thing he saw was the sun shining in his eye.
* * *
"How's he doing, Dr.?" General Hammond asked softly, watching as Jack O'Neill lay on the bed, drugged out.
"I don't know. He's malnourished, I have no idea what he's been eating, if he's been eating at all. He's dehydrated, worn out, exhausted and seems to be...amnesiac."
"Oh. Will he be okay?"
"I don't know...when he came round he was still slightly under the influence of the drug Dr. Jackson gave him, but he seemed...lost somehow."
"Lost?" General Hammond watched the brunette suspiciously as she glanced at him guiltily.
"For lack of a better word. It's almost as though there's no one home, or someone couldn't be bothered answering the door." Janet explained.
"So there's no answer about Major Carter?" General Hammond winced as the pain crossed Janet's face briefly before she hid it. The two them had been close friends, he realised. Had. He grinned ruefully to himself - he had already thought of her as dead. If Daniel knew that....
"Not yet, no Sir." She was unaware of his train of thought, thank goodness.
"Tell me when there's any change." The General instructed.
"Will do Sir." Janet agreed, watching as he left the ward and then turning to Jack who was still blissfully sleeping.
* * *
"It's taking too long."
"Patience."
"But this should..."
"It has happened before. She just needs time."
"She has had time. It's been too long..."
"She will forget in time. She remembers less and longs less...you can see it in her eyes. Soon she will be ready."
"She is still taking too long...None have taken this long before..."
"She has a strong mind. But she will be ready. Soon."
* * *
Why, she wondered briefly, why does she feel incomplete. The rest of her people are happy, why not her?
Her eyes traveled aimlessly around the gardens, not resting on any Person or anything. She was searching for someone. Who? His face flitted across her memory and the brief feeling loss returned. Him. Who was he? He was warmth. He was her clan, she remembered. Why was he gone? She was taken from him. Why? Why was she here? Where was here?
Her head hurt, the thoughts made it ache and spin, confusing her. It was easier to push it away, to concentrate on the single flower before her. It was easier to just forget everything, to forget about life. Where was he?
* * *
"Jack...hello...Jack, you're not listening to me." Daniel accused, pushing his glasses up on his nose. "Jack, come on, you have to try at least." Daniel sighed.
Jack ignored him. Well, not ignored him....he just didn't seem interested in Daniel, or in Teal'C, or in anything anyone tried to do with him.
"Look, Janet, this is taking to long. He's not listening to a word I'm telling him."
"You don't know that for certain. When someone is in a coma..."
"Yeah, I know that Janet, but he's not in a coma. Can't we do something different?"
"Like what? We've been talking to him and trying to get his attention...what else could we do?"
"Show him some photo's maybe." Daniel suggested.
Janet looked at Jack. He started past both of them at the far end of the wall. She wondered what was going through his mind...
"Tampering." Janet said suddenly.
"What?" Daniel looked confused.
"Someone's been tampering with his mind."
"How do you figure that?"
"It's not a bad concussion, that would have cleared up by now...something's been done to him Daniel."
"What are you suggesting Janet?" Daniel asked, feeling hope start to burn in his chest again.
"I think it's time we told the To'Kra." Janet said softly.
"The General won't..."
"He will agree. It's time General Carter knew what was happening with Sam...well...what we know anyway."
"Which is nothing other than the fact that she's missing." Daniel muttered briefly.
Jack glanced at the man who kept making noises at him. Sam. Where was Sam? Where was his Sam? He needed her.
"Daniel..." Janet whispered, looking at Jack curiously.
"What?" Daniel glanced at Jack and saw the man's lips moving ever so slightly, forming a word. "What's he saying?"
"He isn't saying anything." Janet shook her head.
"But..."
"I think he's trying to say something."
"What?"
"I don't know."
* * *
"Dr. Fraiser..."
"General, permission to speak freely Sir?"
"Granted."
"No disrespect intended Sir, but you're not being fair or honest by not telling General Carter about Sa...Major Carter's disappearance." Janet pointed out softly.
"I know...but if we find her..."
"If General. Not when...not a definite. If we don't get the To'Kra and get them to help us with the Colonel...we might never know what's happened to either of them. He's not improving Sir, he's getting worse. He refuses to eat or drink."
"And you think the To'Kra can help?"
"I'm nearly positive he doesn't have a natural brain injury. I think someone's been tampering with his mind and he's not going to get over it without help."
"I'll dial them up now." General Hammond agreed, standing up. "Dismissed." He added quietly as he left the room.
* * *
"It's not possible."
"I'm afraid it is."
"But....shouldn't the procedure have..."
"We never thought to check against it, given the previous procedure."
"We'll have to fix the problem then."
"Wait!"
"What is it Yal?"
"If it pleases both of you, Sirs, I would that we leave it."
"Why?"
"We have never seen this before or had opportunity to witness this..."
"What are you trying to say Yal?"
"Could it not happen naturally, and once it has come we give it away?"
"Why would you want it to happen?"
"She is different, Len Maya, her eyes tell of this. Many of us observe her solely for this reason. The others are all treated and beautiful, but this one is different and makes an interesting study."
"He has a point, Len Cal. Perhaps it may be of use to us also."
"In what way, Len Maya?"
"Further studies."
"Very well. Yal, your request has been granted. Once it is done, see to it that we receive it immediately."
"Of course."
* * *
"I beg your pardon?" Jacob gaped.
"I'm sorry, Jacob." General Hammond said softy, sorrow lacing his words.
"My daughter's been gone for three and a half months and no one thought to tell me?" Jacob asked in disbelief.
"Do the To'Kra tell us everything?" General Hammond retorted, regretting it instantly as pain squeezed Jacob's face into an unidentifiable mask.
"I don't know. I guess we just thought that'd we'd find them and they'd be okay. They always have been in the past..."
"Yes. About two months ago." General Hammond admitted.
"We thought he'd get better and tell us what happened."
"In the infirmary where he has been for the last two months."
"Of course." George sighed and stood up, leading the way to the infirmary.
"George...it's okay." Jacob's voice said suddenly as he placed a hand on his colleague's arm.
"No Jacob, it's not. I should have told you when it happened...but I didn't know how and..."
"I said it's okay George. Maybe we can help the Colonel and he can help us in turn." Jacob pointed out.
"Thanks Jacob." George forced a smile onto his face and pushed the infirmary door open.
"Holy Hannah." Jacob breathed in shock as he caught sight of Jack O'Neill. Gone was the cocky tilt of the head, the twinkle in the hard brown eyes and the confident swagger. Instead, sitting in front of them was a shell of the former man. His eyes were dull, nothing was evident in their depths as he gazed aimlessly at the wall.
"It's not good, is it Jake?" General Hammond allowed himself a small, dry smile as he approached the bed where Jack O'Neill was sitting.
"Here." Janet appeared behind them, holding it.
"Jack?" Daniel asked him hopefully when Selmak stepped back from the bed. He was rewarded with a quick, confused glance that returned to it's normal, vacant look almost immediately.
* * *
She was different to them, she realised as she watched them. How she was different she didn't know, but she was. She needed him. The more she thought about it the more confused she became and the feeling of unease grew. But when she pushed the thoughts away for peace, his face taunted her, slipping in and out of her mind faster than she liked. She couldn't even remember what he looked like, she just had an idea that he was tall and strong. Like a fortress to protect her. Where were his strong walls to save her from the winds of her confusion?
Her resting place beneath the tree was cool. The warmth of the afternoon sun beckoned her and mutely she rose to it's call, allowing herself the freedom of movement and a slight sense of enjoyment as she breezed ruffled past her. For just a short moment of time, she could forget.
* * *
"It is working."
"I told you it would."
"I should never have doubted you."
"Yes."
"Soon she will be ready and it will happen."
"Yes. Yal showed me some of his studies. They are fascinating."
"Perhaps for him then?"
"Yes, I think so."
"When shall we tell him."
"Not until after it happens. He may become attached."
"Yes. We will wait. It is not long now."
* * *
"Hi Jack!" Daniel walked into the room, grinning as Jack looked up at him blankly. At least the dullness wasn't there anymore. Now it was just an overwhelming sadness mixed with despair and childlike innocence. "Come on...Jacob and Selmak will be back in a few more days to do some more brain work, but until then we're going to show you some stuff that will hopefully jog your memory." Daniel chattered as he took his friend's arm and pulled the man to his feet. Like a trusting puppy dog that has no other choice, Jack allowed himself to be led out of the room.
"Come on....first stop...your quarters." Daniel talked away, knowing Jack wasn't really listening but still trying anyway.
"This is where you sleep Jack, play yo-yo or brood when you're in a sulk." He stated as they entered the room. Daniel patiently led Jack to the bed where he obediently sat down and waited. He was getting used to what was expected of him, and although he still didn't talk or show any signs of interest, there was a definite improvement. Jacob Carter and Selmak still had a long way to go though.
"How about some photo's?" Daniel asked suddenly, remembering Jack's stash of photo's in a box beneath his bed. They ranged from the very first time the four of them had gone out as friends until just before they had disappeared.
"Look...here we are at the pub...remember that? Teal'C discovered the merits of peanuts that night? Come on Jack, you have to remember!" Daniel coaxed, pushing a small photo of Teal'C, with a peanut up his nose, in front of Jack.
"How about this one...it's your fishing cabin. You know...the place where you go whenever you have down time. You like it up there...sitting on your dodgy jetty with an old fishing line and a can of beer. You took me up there once...remember? I hated it..." Daniel sighed, shuffling through the box and coming across a picture of Sam and Jack together, laughing happily at something behind the photographer.
"Remember this one Jack? You said that if Carter had her mouth open any wider there wouldn't have been room for anyone else in the photo...and she said that if your head...."
"Sam." Jack said softly, reaching out a finger and touching her image gently, a look of longing on his face.
"Yeah. That's Sam." Daniel studied Jack's face as he withdrew into himself again. "What's wrong Jack? What happened to Sam?" He asked gently.
Jack didn't answer, only closing his hand around the photo protectively and taking it from Daniel's hand.
"Jack?" Daniel asked gently. He sat for a few minutes in silence. He wasn't going to get anything else out of Jack and he knew it. Now Jack needed to be alone. He stood up and left the room, leaving his friend sitting on his bed.
He looked down at the photo of her. She looked just like he remembered her, her hair, her eyes, her hands. Where was she? Why was he here? Why were these memories and snippets of his past floating around in his mind suddenly, why was he starting to feel curious, as though he wanted to know things or remember them? It wasn't important. All that was important was her, and she was gone.
He blinked, hiding the picture from view. It was easier not to think about it. It was the cowards way out, he knew it, but he was coward.
No, you're not a coward Sir. The words floated across his mind, hanging sweetly. She had said that to him. Sam had said that to him. What did it mean? When had she talked to him?
* * *
"I'm telling you it's working!" Daniel was frustrated.
"You didn't see him yesterday!" Daniel nearly snapped, just managing to restrain himself.
"Selmak...could I talk to you alone, please?" Daniel glanced at her apologetically and waited for the other To'Kra to respond.
"As long as you don't mind me joining in." Jacob Carter smiled at Daniel, but the archeologist wasn't fool. Jacob's eyes were tired and the overwhelming sadness in his eyes spoke of his loss.
There was silence in the small room as Anise departed, leaving on Daniel and Jacob/Selmak together.
"What was it you wanted to talk to us about?" Jacob asked eventually.
"You can't give up on him..." Daniel started off.
"Daniel...Selmak said it himself...there's been no improvement, really."
"Yes, there has. Yesterday..."
"Go on."
"I took him to his quarters, you know, to show him some stuff and we found his box of photo's." Daniel hesitated ever so slightly, only the slight nod from Jacob caused him to go on. "I showed him a few...some of Teal'C...of everyone. Then there was one of Sam and him together and..."
"What?"
"He said 'Sam' and took the photo from me. Then he sat staring at the photo for hours. He's still got the photo, he won't give it back." Daniel admitted.
"He's more responsive now! You have to have noticed that!" Daniel nearly jumped in frustration.
"I don't believe it! They've done so much for your snaky asses and now you're going to do this to them! What if Sam's still out there Jacob? Jack's the only one who knows what's happened to her, and you're writing him off! Don't you know him better than that? This is Sam and Jack we're talking about. There's no way in hell he'll just let her go like this!" Daniel yelled, banging his fist on the glass table top and shattering it. He watched with a dull fascination as several drops of blood gathered on his tattered wrist.
"I suggest you report to the infirmary, Dr. Jackson." Jacob said stiffly, turning and leaving the room without saying anything further.
* * *
He saw the disappointment in the man's eyes. They were blue, the watery depths not as crystal or bright as hers - as Sam's - but still clear and see through. Why was he disappointed? Something caught in his memory. This man had lost his 'Sam' also. A long time ago.
He cocked his head ever so slightly, raising his eyebrows no more than a millimetre, but the man's face brightened suddenly and he spoke. The words were still garbled, the message unclear and unimportant. An expectant look was on the man's face now, followed by a fading hope.
I don't know where she is. He realised, wishing the man would stop looking at him as though he knew all the answers. He knew nothing. He only know that They had taken Sam from him and he was alone. His shoulders slumped. Why was he here? Why was he alive? He couldn't have Sam, why then?
Daniel saw something disappear or dull in Jack's eyes as his shoulders slumped. For a minute Daniel had seen signs of the old Jack, the tilt of the head, the questions in the brown eyes. But they'd disappeared to be placed by an immense sadness and despair, which in turn was replaced by the dullness that had been present at the beginning. Without Selmak's treatment, Jack was slipping back further that he had been when they'd first found him.
"It's been a long time Jack. Seven months since we found you, nearly nine since you and Sam went missing. Where is she Jack? You have to know." Daniel sighed, watching his friend stare at a wall again. Jack was fading away.
* * *
"The time is drawing near for it to happen."
"She is not ready yet, it's taking too long."
"Patience!"
"I have been patient. She has showed signs of settling...but they are gone again. She is as restless as she was before..."
"She will settle. They have increased her dose."
"But what of the..."
"It will not harm it. Yal has assured me it is fine."
"Do you think he has guessed?"
"Perhaps. But he would not dare to hope. He still is in disfavour with the others."
"He is not. They have found pleasure in his studies."
"This he does not know. He will not hope. It will be good when it happens."
"What are we going to do with it when it comes?"
"The Len have decided to raise it."
"That is not possible!"
"It is decided. Look...she grows weary again."
"It will not be long before the angel tries out her wings, Maya, so to speak."
"I know, but before then she will surely have settled."
"This we better pray."
"Indeed."
* * *
She was tired. Too tired. She didn't remember ever having felt this tired before. She remembered pain well...from what she didn't know, but pain was no strange to her, this she knew.
Her whole body felt tired, it was becoming too much. She looked around...the beauty filling her with a false sense of calm. The more she tried to ignore the feeling that the calm was wrong, the more it grew.
She stood up slowly and made her way to her tree. A stab of envy shot through her as she watched her companions floating around the garden so effortlessly, gliding over the grass in graceful motions.
Why was she envious? It was a strange feeling, the first time she could remember feeling it. Yet, she had a name for it.
She cast her eyes down to avoid the curious looks the others gave her. She was an outcast among them, and all knew it, even their careers. A blue stone caught her attention and suddenly she was transported back through time, the memory as clear as the water before her.
A hand reached out, her hand, and touched the forbidden stone. With a morbid fascination she watched as the stone was pressed and glowed red. Safety. She was headed to safety.
She blinked sharply in the sunlight. Wrong. She shouldn't be here. It was wrong. This wasn't safe. She had to leave. NOW! Without waiting she moved faster, her feet stumbling over the smooth path, her back aching with the effort and her legs screaming in pain at the sudden, strenuous use.
The stone and the circle were still there. She'd seen them twice before, when a Carer had brought her here, to this world, and when the one studying her had brought her here.
She didn't glance around, she didn't think. Instead her hands flew over the stone, the trembling ceasing with each firm press down on the keys and a calmness growing in her. She was going home. She was going to him.
* * *
"Unauthorised Gate Activation." The klaxons blared through the complex. Daniel looked up and watched Jack who didn't stir. The sound didn't bother him at all. He just sat. He just sat and stared at the wall. The same as he'd been doing for the last two weeks.
When no other alarms sounded, Daniel shrugged and turned back to his book. Once, both him and Jack would have joined Teal'C and Sam in a race to the gate, to see what was going on. Now, only Teal'C made that journey. Jack wasn't interested and Daniel was too old.
"Dr. Jackson." He glanced up. Jacob.
"Jacob." He looked back down at his work, refusing to look at the To'Kra.
"For a week this time? Or maybe a month?" Daniel snapped sarcastically.
"How did you do that?" Daniel asked, still strong on the sarcasm.
"Took you a while. He's over there." Daniel stood up, motioning the blank Jack sitting by himself in the corner.
"Gee, I hadn't noticed. Considering the fact that his treatment's been stopped for nearly two months...I wonder why?"
"Daniel, please. We're trying." Jacob reasoned.
"I'm sorry. It's just...hard."
"Don't you think I don't know that? My daughter's fate is in this man's hand...and I want to know what it is." Jacob pointed out tiredly.
"I'm sorry..."
"I know. Me too."
Selmak took over again and approached Jack. Daniel sighed.
"Unauthorised Gate Activation." The klaxons sounded again.
"Oh."
"Dr. Jackson to the embarkation room immediately. Teal'C and General Carter's presence's are also required. Immediately please." They paused and looked at each other.
"Come on then." Jacob sighed, taking Jack by the arm and helping him up. "He might as well come along. The exercise will do him good, he's fading away."
Daniel decided to stay quiet and followed Jack and Jacob to the embarkation room.
"What's going on?" Daniel demanded as he walked into a decidedly quiet embarkation room.
"George...." Jacob trailed off, his eyes widening as he stopped walking and just stood.
"Sam. You've change." All the amazed eyes that had been focusing on Sam Carter suddenly turned to look at Jack.
He wondered where those words had come from. He didn't even know why he'd said them. But she was here, standing in front of him. An angel returned from the dead.
"Oh my..." Daniel gasped, steadying himself on the wall as he studied Sam carefully.
There was a stunned silence in the room, no one moved. She looked at him, joy suddenly springing to life in her depths. He was here. She had been right. She had come home after all! She stepped forwards, ignoring the others. They weren't important now, only he was.
He ran over to her, an unsteady gate, and met her at the foot of the ramp, crushing her to himself and burying his face in her neck. She was never going to be taken from him again. Never.
* * *
"So what now?" Daniel asked the question on everyone's mind.
"I don't know. This is unbelievable...incredible actually. She's somehow had..."
"I meant what happens now...as in....what is our next plan of action?" Daniel interrupted Janet, turning to look at the General.
"How are they?" General Hammond asked Janet.
"Physically...other than the obvious - shall we say changes - she's fine. Her mind is in the same condition that the Colonel's was in..."
"Was?"
"Well....he's showing a sudden interest in something...and he won't let anyone near her." Janet said dryly, glancing ruefully at her bruised elbow.
"So who's is it?" Jacob asked suddenly.
"I imagine you're referring to the pregnancy?" Janet asked softly.
"Of course. I want to know who's child my little girl is carrying and if it's human." Jacob pointed out...his voice harsh with pain.
"I don't know. We've taken some tests and they're being analysed at the moment...we should know in the next few hours." Janet explained, glancing around the room at the thoughtful silence suddenly present.
"What about the....wings?" A nervous voice piped up. Everyone glanced at the young To'Kra.
"They're incredible." Janet shook her head slightly. "I've taken some patches on them to have them analysed...but from what I can tell they've been grafted on and attached to her nervous system..."
"Are you telling me that they're joined to her?" Jacob's mouth dropped open in surprise.
"Yes. And I'm pretty sure she can use them too." Janet admitted, feeling ridiculous.
"Now she really is an angel." Daniel murmured softly, earning a few glares. "No, think about it...these 'Gods' where she must have been....created their own servants...I'm willing to bet the winged kind...to impress other 'Gods' and their people."
"So what now? My daughter walks around with wings on her back for the rest of her life?"
"Ta'rac, how did you find Major Carter?" General Hammond suddenly asked, watching the To'Kra suspiciously.
"Myshluk and I were doing our patrolling on the previously inhabited To'Kra worlds..."
"Why?" Daniel asked, interrupting again.
"For precisely this reason. Because the To'Kra jump worlds so often we find that many of our operatives become lost to us because they do not know where we are."
"And these patrols find 'lost' To'Kra and bring them home?" Daniel guessed.
"Yes. We found Major Carter on the world where we first met..."
"Jolinaar's memories." Daniel inserted thoughtfully. "Why there? Why not your new world? She knows that address like the back of her hand...why go to the old one unless she can't remember anything, but Jolinaar's memories still surface?" Daniel explained.
"That could be the reason." Jacob conceded, his eyes thoughtful.
"Please continue Ta'rac." General Hammond asked politely.
"Major Carter appeared confused and lost...knowing that she was missing this did not surprise us. However...when we approached her and realised that she infact was in a state similar to that of Colonel O'Neill we decided to take her to the To'Kra planet..."
"But? You brought her here instead. Why?" General Hammond narrowed his eyes.
"Myshluk and I are still young To'Kra, and we have seen enough of our treatment towards the Tau'ri to know that Major Carter's presence might have been 'hidden' until such time as the high council decided it was safe...."
"Selmak...Major Carter is a human from earth...not a To'Kra. You couldn't have kept her with you without telling us...that would have harmed out relations a lot. I think that you have a lot owing to this...these fine young...minds." General Hammond stumbled a bit, earning an amused look from Ta'rac.
"Excuse me...this still doesn't answer any of our questions." Daniel pointed out hesitantly. "What's going to happen to Sam and Jack now?"
* * *
"Dr. Fraiser?" General Hammond's voice interrupted her thoughts as she stood watching them sleep.
"Sorry General, I didn't hear you come in."
"Looks like you were miles away." He stated affectionately, smiling at the petite bulldozer.
"I was. On the To'Kra planet actually." Janet admitted, not turning from her observations.
"You do realise what they're doing is against regulations." General Hammond said softly, his eyes unreadable as he watched the two forms curled up together.
"I know...but something tells me that you won't find anything to actually court martial them for.
"So it's his?" General Hammond asked tiredly, referring to Major Carter's rather rounded stomach.
"Yes Sir." Janet nodded, not really surprised at all.
"What do you think happened to them...to her?"
"I don't know. If Daniel's right and they were sent to be punished then this brainwashing might be the punishment...a purging of the mind type of thing."
"But what about her wings?" General Hammond shrugged helplessly.
"They sent young virgins through to the Gods....maybe they decided she was the kind they were after and made her into one of their...angels." Janet repeated Daniel's earlier version.
"Can you do anything about them?"
"Not at the moment, no. Maybe after the baby's born..."
"Maybe?"
"General...I don't know exactly how to describe it...it's almost as though Major Carter is completely relying on Colonel O'Neill to keep her 'safe' from us, and she won't move away from him."
"And the Colonel is playing the protector role to the fullest...which is how you got a bruised elbow and head?" General Hammond couldn't stop the small smile appearing on his face.
"Ha ha ha." Janet said sarcastically, smiling to make it sound less disrespectful. "Yeah." She agreed after a while. "This has been coming you know." She said, watching as Sam stirred and woke up O'Neill.
"I know." General Hammond felt the feeling of helplessness descend on them. "But it's against..."
"I think that there are certain aspects that have changed." Janet reminded him.
"They are going to be court marshaled...there's nothing that we can do..."
"Actually....I'm willing to bet...I'm willing to bet my life that neither of them were 'themselves' when it happened." Janet admitted.
"You are?"
"General, you know them. Colonel O'Neill will bend or break any regulation in the rule book as long as he's got a damn good reason and knows he's not risking anyone else's career, especially not the Major's. This rule was one that would break them both...they weren't going to cross that line." Janet said simply.
"I know. Try convincing a jury of that." General Hammond said, thinking of Jack's mile long list of broken regulations.
"Good point." Janet agreed. "But we might be able to prove it if we find out when they were tampered with."
"How?"
"I don't know sir...I really don't know. What I do know is they're going to have a child and either Sam is going to keep it well away from the Colonel or they're going to raise it together...and if they raise it together you can be pretty sure that there are more where the first one came from." Janet pointed out, causing a raised eyebrow to be turned her way. "Sorry Sir." She added, blushing slightly.
"I know what you're talking about." The General agreed, his face soften as he watched O'Neill tracing the Major's face with his finger, pure amazement on his face. "But you're forgetting one thing."
"What's that?"
"They can't raise a child the way they are now, Dr. They have to get better first."
* * *
Her skin was soft. Softer than he remembered it. She smelt different now...they'd put something on her when he'd eventually been forced away from her...and it was a nice smell, he decided. Her eyes opened sleepily and she blinked at him, smiling slightly. He traced her lips with his finger and smiled. They were together again.
She was different now. She had a child growing in her, he knew it was a child. Their child. But They had done things to her...changed her. The large white wings on her back could only be counted as a change...he wished she didn't have them. It made her awkward to hold because they were stiff and hard, not pliable at all.
He sighed as she pressed closer to him, her hands clutching at his shirt. They were together, he had her back, and that was all that was important.
* * *
"You asked for me, General Sir?" Daniel poked his head around the corner. General Hammond smiled inwardly as he saw that. Daniel had unconsciously taken over O'Neill's role. The sarcasm that fell from O'Neill's tongue faster that water fell over the Niagara Falls was starting to gather speed on Dr. Jackson's tongue, and the same, straight to the point attitude was also lurking in the depths of his eyes.
"Yes Dr. Jackson..." He motioned for Daniel to enter and caught a look of surprise cross the archeologists face, followed closely by disgust and anger.
"What the hell is he doing here?" Daniel spat it out.
"Good Morning Dr. Jackson." Maybourne smiled and oily smile. Daniel wasn't a problem to him, only the other members of SG-1 - especially O'Neill and Teal'C - got him feeling uneasy. The archeologist was nothing.
"General!" Daniel turned furiously to the General.
"He's here for..."
"NO!" Daniel yelled, hammering his fist on Hammond's desk.
"Dr. Jackson." Hammond said slowly, calming Daniel slightly.
"I have my orders...Dr. Jackson." Maybourne sneered. "Where are they?" He asked bluntly, facing the General with a smug look on his face.
"Who?" Daniel turned innocently towards Maybourne...his eyes wide as he glanced at the snake-like man.
"Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter."
"Not anywhere near you...ever." Daniel retorted smoothly as Janet suddenly entered the room. Her eyes narrowed and her whole body stiffened as she caught sight of Maybourne.
"Have them ready for transport in two hours."
"General..." Janet suddenly turned to the General. "We can't move the Major. She's nearly due..."
"That's why she's being moved." Maybourne cut in suddenly.
"I can't allow that Maybourne." Janet bit out, forcing herself to stay civil towards the superior officer.
"It doesn't matter. They're going, whether you want them too or not." Maybourne smiled again, a self satisfied look on his pudgy face.
"General...Jack had to request permission to punch Maybourne...do I have to do that?" Daniel asked suddenly. At Hammond's barely perceptible shake of the head, Daniel's arm lashed out and connected solidly with the man's temple, dropping him like stone.
"Daniel!" Janet gasped, admiration in her eyes. She'd never have imagined the archeologist capable of a punch like that. And neither had Hammond.
"Ooops." Daniel muttered, pulling a face.
"I think you're right..."
"No...not Maybourne. I think I've hurt my hand. Real bad." He added, holding his throbbing fist in his other hand.
"Come on down to infirmary...we'll get that checked out. "Oh...and we'd better get Maybourne down there as well...a fall and bump to the head can be very nasty." Janet said, hiding a smile.
"General...wasn't Sam due for a visit with her Father...soon?" Daniel asked suddenly.
"I think she is." General Hammond agreed, picking up his phone and calling the gateroom.
* * *
They were coming again, worry on their faces. Why? What was going to happen now.
He tightened his hold around and she sank gratefully into his solidness, shivering slightly with anxiety. His hand brushing her hair soothed her slightly, but not much. They were still coming towards them.
The woman stepped up to them both, smiled and motioned for them to step forwards. He unconsciously held her tighter, squashing her rounded belly and wings with his force until she wriggled ever so slightly to try and get rid of the uncomfortableness it created.
"Come on...you guys are going on a little trip." The words reached her ears and she looked up in surprise, watching the petite woman curiously. Janet.
"Sam? Are you okay?" The voice asked as the woman watched her.
She blinked and everything returned to normal...the awareness faded and all she knew was that he was holding her. Who was he?
She looked up at him suddenly, pulling away a bit and studying his face intently. Her hand reached up and caressed his cheeks, her fingers running over his face smoothly and slowly, memorising it. She would never forget it again. Never.
* * *
"Yes Sir..." General Hammond spoke into the phone, his face blank but anger smouldering in his eyes. "I understand...but these are two officers....No Sir....Dr. Fraiser doesn't believe....Yes Sir, but may I just...Mr. President!" He suddenly snapped into the phone. "These are two officers you are talking about...two damn fine officers and I will not have Colonel Maybourne treating them like guinea pigs! Major Carter is pregnant and the child is due at anytime.
No I did not give Daniel Jackson permission to punch Colonel Maybourne! Of course not! You could watch video surveillance if you like...I did no such thing!
No disrespect intended, Mr. President, but if you give Maybourne the go ahead on this one you are giving away the SGC's two finest officers and committing their child to life as an experiment.....Yes Sir...I understand. Thank you very much." George hung the phone up, resting his hand on the red handle for a minute longer than necessary. Taking a deep breath he stood up slowly and left the room empty.
* * *
"We're ready to dial out, Sir." The Technician announced as he entered the room, his face a mask.
He caught sight of Jack and Sam holding tightly onto each other. Jack looked a little awkward trying to hold Sam around the wings...but they looked comfortable. They belonged together, they deserved to be happy and he was damned if anyone was going to ruin his SG-1 team because of it.
"Negative." He said absently to the Technician. "Dr. Fraiser...take them back to the infirmary. We've got Maybourne on a hold for now." He ordered, watching the relief flow onto Janet's face as she turned the two people back to where they had come from.
"Sir...we've got an incoming traveler!" The Technician announced suddenly as the klaxons sounded. "It's the To'Kra...Sir." He said after a few minutes.
"Open the iris." He instructed.
Janet tried to move Jack and Sam away from the embarkation room, but they appeared fascinated and refused to move.
The water looked as clear as always...We believe it's the event horizon of an artificially created wormhole. The words floated through her mind. Had she said that? What did they mean?
She watched as the water rippled suddenly and a figure stepped through. She recognised him as the man who had brought her here, and a well of gratitude rose up inside her. Just as suddenly as the peace settled over her it evaporated. She caught sight of the next person arriving through the gate and felt panic rise up in her. He was here, He had come for her, to take her back!
He felt her panic in his arms, her heart was racing and her eyes were wild with fear as she struggled away from his hold. Before he could do anything she spread her wings and rose up into the air, seeming to glide up next to the walls until she could go no higher and she balanced precariously on a ledge, huddled in a ball of fear as she tried to escape from Him.
* * *
Janet realised her mouth was hanging open and shut it quickly, noticing several other people were doing something similar. Her attention left the rest of the personnel though and turned her attention back to Sam.
Sam, who had just flown metres up into the air. Sam, who was now cowering up the top of the room...near the roof. Sam, who was crying. Janet only realised his when she notice drops of water dripping onto the ground and caught a glimpse of Sam's panicked face. Her attention turned immediately to the stranger under To'Kra arrest. He had done this to Sam...at least some of it.
"Who the hell are you?" Daniel demanded suddenly, reaching the same conclusion as Janet.
"I am Yal." He said simply, bowing his head.
"We found him roaming the same planet where we found Major Carter." Ta'rac announced with authority, prodding the man forwards and approaching Daniel.
"What were you doing there?"
"I was following her." Yal admitted frankly, surprising everyone.
"Why?" Daniel couldn't think of anything else to ask.
"She left. None of the others left, ever. We were curious where she went and why." Yal shrugged, his eyes gazing around the control room and resting on Jack. "So you have him." He looked at Daniel again. "Are you the leader?"
"No. I am." General Hammond's voice rang around the room.
Yal looked startled and then caught sight of the people in the control room.
"What is this place?"
"That is none of your business. What did you do to Sam and Jack?" Daniel demanded, interrupting before General Hammond could say anything.
"What we do to all who are sent to be punished."
"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe they didn't do anything?" Daniel said slowly.
"No. That is not possible. Only the guilty are sent to us, and we punish them. However, the Len felt that the woman would make for excellent studies...and so she did." Yal admitted somewhat sheepishly. "It is not often we use the guilty for studies."
"What did you do to them?" Janet asked suddenly, hope in her eyes.
"What we do to the punished."
"Can you reverse it?"
"I do not know. I do not believe it has been done." He shrugged again.
"What about the wings?"
"It is good to see she has finally used them." He smiled proudly, glancing up at Sam who cringed away in fear.
"Can they be removed."
"Perhaps. I do not know...I am not a creator, I am a Studier." He shrugged calmly. "May I please return with the woman? The Len will be concerned for my absence."
"Her name is Sam, and no, you can't have her." Daniel yelled suddenly.
"Why?"
"Why?" Daniel sputtered in disbelief.
"She belongs here, Yal, and so does Jack. We want them fixed." Janet said firmly.
"I do not know how. The Len will be most upset about this." Yal started to look suitably concerned.
"That's not our problem, Yal." Daniel snapped.
"We should try to get Major Carter down...she's not looking to happy up there." Janet interrupted suddenly.
"Take him to a holding cell." General Hammond instructed. "Get some maintenance people in here immediately...and a medic team!" He ordered.
"No!" Daniel called out. "No...she'll fall."
"Then how do you propose we get her down?" General Hammond asked sarcastically. "It's not exactly as if we whistle and she comes running." There were a few surprised glances at his sarcasm.
"Perhaps it would be wise to leave and let only O'Neill remain." Teal'C suggested quietly, his eyes calm. He knew O'Neill, and he knew Carter. They would succeed. They did not know how to fail.
"We can only try it." General Hammond agreed. Without a command the embarkation room emptied and Jack was left standing alone with an audience he didn't notice in the control room.
He looked up at her, not really paying attention to the fact that he was alone in the room with her. Why didn't she come down? It was safe now...they'd all left.
She looked down at him, standing patiently and waiting for her. Warily she glanced around. It was a trap, she knew it was a trap. No. She would wait. She would know when to come down.
He stood in silence...waiting. She didn't move, just watched him fearfully. It wasn't going to work this way.
Carter, come on, we're gonna be late! Carter! Major..Hello...Sam? He called her that once. He always called her like that, and she always listened. Maybe...
His lips struggled to form the words, but no sound came out. A grunt emerged, hardly able to be heard, but a grunt nonetheless. That was progress, he decided.
"Sam." It just rolled of his tongue suddenly, as if no effort was required. "Sam." He tried again.
She watched him, tipping her head as the word reached her. A familiar word that felt like an old blanket...comfortable and hers. Sam. A flicker of recognition shot through her. Sam. Sam Carter. Major Samantha Carter." The floodgate opened and things clicked into place. Jack. He was Jack. Jack?? It didn't matter. He was Jack. He was her Jack.
Slowly she leant forwards, opening her wings and letting herself fall gracefully to the ground. Just before she reached the bottom she heard something. Clapping. She veered away, panicked as she caught sight of all the people watching her fly. She flew up the wall again and perched on the pipe, her legs tired and cramped. It was a trap. She had been right.
* * *
"She's been up there for nearly three hours." Janet fretted.
"Perhaps if O'Neill were to call her again?" Teal'C tried, disappointed that Major Carter had been scared off after coming so close.
"He won't...or he can't." Janet glanced at him. "Did you hear how he struggled to talk at first? I don't think it's a matter of not wanting to talk...I think it's more that they can't." She realised.
"So what are you saying?" Daniel asked, waiting for her conclusion.
"The Healing Device." Ta'rac caught on.
"Maybe." Janet warned as he brought out a pouch containing a healing device.
* * *
Ta'rac approached Jack cautiously, well aware of the damage the human could do when he was in a panic. Jack, in turn, watched him cautiously, wondering what was going to happen now.
Ta'rac decided he was close enough to Jack and raised his hand, the Healing Device starting to glow. Jack watched it with a morbid fascination. He dimly recalled glowing hands were dangerous, but ignored the information, absorbed with the lights playing over his eyes.
Sam stiffened in fear, feeling her stomach recoil and bile starting to rise in her throat. Images flashed through her mind of people being tortured by the glowing hands. Danger. He was in danger. Jack was in danger. She started shaking, panicked as she watched the man place his hand over Jack's throat. She couldn't let him die, she couldn't. Spreading her wings she jumped suddenly, gathering speed as she soared towards the strange man wielding the Healing Device. A Healing Device.
Abruptly she pulled up, missing Ta'rac by a millimetre. Janet watched silently as her friend reached out a trembling hand and touched the Healing Device, mesmerised by something.
Jack started. Sam was in danger. The glowing hand was aimed towards her and her face was strangely fearful as she gazed at it.
"NO!" He yelled pushing Ta'rac roughly, jerking the hand away from Sam. He watched as she blinked in surprise, and then turned to him, an open curiosity on her face. Jack's attention shifted to the strange man who was getting up and dusting himself off. With an anguished howl he flew at the man, determined that no one would ever hurt Sam again.
"O'Neill!" Teal'C's voice rang through embarkation room, but Jack only paused momentarily and then regained his grip around Ta'rac's neck.
"Teal'C, do something! He's going to kill him!" Janet screamed through the microphone. Teal'C raised the Zat gun apologetically and fired, watching as both O'Neill and Ta'rac sunk to the floor.
"JACK!" Sam screamed, dropping to the ground beside Jack and touching his face urgently, shaking him. He didn't move, he just lay with a deathly stillness. She looked up at the large man with skin the colour of earth and flew at him, anger and grief giving her a strength neither knew she had.
"NO! Teal'C, don't shoot her! The baby!" Janet yelled as he raised his weapon. It fell to the floor with a clatter and he caught both of her slender wrists in hands. Her wings beat furiously, angrily. Then, as suddenly as the hysteria had taken her over, it left her. She slumped to the ground slowly, beaten.
Gently the Jaffa let her wrists go and picked her up.
"Put her with the Colonel." Janet said softly, deciding that Jack still lying unconscious on the floor was not good. Ta'rac had gotten up long ago and was now busy with the healing device again.
* * *
His head hurt. A lot. He allowed herself to lie there for another second and then forced his eyes open, wincing at the brilliance of the light around him.
"Welcome back to the land of the living." A voice announced as the light was pulled away ever so slightly. A petite face popped into view, framed by brown hair.
"Hm." He grunted, feeling like he's just been hit by a truck.
"Jack?" A familiar voice asked. He searched his memory.
A disheveled face popped into view. He knew this person, he was sure of it. Who was he?
"It appears there is no change." Teal'C announced. Teal'C. He remembered now...a man the colour of the earth had shot him. Teal'C.
"You shot me." He complained, closing his eyes. His head hurt. A lot. It felt like someone had rewired his whole brain and left little bits unconnected and they kept sparking him with little electric shocks.
"Colonel O'Neill?" The female voice sounded slightly hopeful. Damnit, who was she?
"Yeah?" The words took effort, they felt like his throat being stretched. What the hell happened to him? Where was he?
"Are you feeling okay?"
"What do you think?" He muttered, not even opening an eye.
"So you're back, Jack?" The man asked him hopefully.
"Back where? Did I even leave?" He was surprised now.
"He's back." The man sounded relieved.
"Who are you?" Jack asked suddenly, looking at the young man and wondering why he felt such a tug of affection when he saw those blue eyes.
Blue eyes. Sam.
"Where's Sam?" He demanded, forcing himself upright and giving the woman a glare as she tried to lie him back down.
"She's sleeping Colonel. She's had a rough few days."
"Why?" He looked around and caught sight of the funny expression on the man's face.
"Well...there was all the excitement in the gate room, the fact that you two were both...a bit...out of it, and she's just had a baby. Congratulations on the birth of a beautiful baby boy, by the way."
"A boy?" Jack grinned suddenly.
"Jack, do you know me?"
"I don't know. Do I?" Jack turned to the young man again.
"Colonel? What do you remember?" The woman demanded, stepping into Dr. mode immediately. She was a doctor?
"Teal'C shot me." Jack shrugged. What more did they want him to say?
"Do you know any of us?" The woman asked softly.
"Teal'C." Jack said promptly, noting the calm look on the Earth Man's face. Nothing unusual about that, he realised.
"What about me or Daniel?" The woman tried again.
"Nah. Am I supposed to know you?" He felt the first fingers of concern raise in his mind, but ignored them. He had to see Sam.
"I'm Dr. Fraiser and this is..."
"It's Daniel, Jack. SG-1? Remember? You, me, Teal'C and Sam."
"Where's Sam?"
"I told you Colonel, she's sleeping now."
"Why does she have wings?" He remembered that now.
"I don't know Colonel. What do you remember?"
"I told you. Teal'C shot me." He looked slightly confused now.
"Okay. What do you know about Teal'C?" Janet tried.
"He's a good guy." Jack blurted out, wondering where that come from.
"How do you know that?" Janet asked, feeling tired suddenly.
"I don't know. Where's Sam?" Jack demanded, getting angry.
"You can see her soon. What do you remember about her?" Janet hoped this would be rewarding that his memories of Teal'C.
"She's Sam." Jack said plainly, a glimmer of a smile on his lips.
"What's her name?"
"What kind of a question is that? Her name is Sam." Jack looked more than a bit confused now.
"What's her rank then Colonel?" Janet tried.
Jack looked at her blankly. Rank? What was she talking about.
"Okay. Who is she? What does she do? How did you meet her?" Daniel shot at him, searching for...something in his friends memory.
"She's my Sam." Jack said, suddenly looking suspicious.
"Pardon?" Janet looked taken back.
"She's Sam. She's my Sam." Jack said possessively, feeling jealousy rear it's head as he looked at Daniel. "Mine." He state quietly, warning the younger man.
"That's fine Jack...I don't want her, not in that way!" Daniel hurried to reassure him, remembering the last time Jack had been jealous of him because of Sam.
"Can I see her now?" Jack turned to Janet, hope in his eyes.
"Sure." Janet agreed hesitantly, helping the Colonel to his feet. He wobbled a bit but steadied himself and then shrugged off her assistance. Silently he followed her out of the infirmary, gazing down the hall curiously. He knew this place, of that he was sure. How?
"She's sleeping Colonel." Janet warned as she entered a small room.
Jack looked around the room. It was quiet and calm. Stepping into the room he saw her lying on a bed, her face relaxed and her eyes closed in sleep.
Janet looked at the smile playing around Jack's eyes as he watched Sam sleeping. Without a word she turned and left him alone with Sam.
He stood and watched her for a long time, drinking in her face and the form of her under the sheets. She wasn't pregnant anymore, the result of the pregnancy was lying in a small bassinet next to her bed, also fast asleep. Silently he walked over to her side and sat on the bed, his eyes studying his sleeping son intently.
She opened her eyes and saw him, looking down at their son with an amazed joy in his eyes. She smiled tiredly and stretched gingerly, she was still sore.
He turned to her, feeling her movement, and smiled at her, reaching over to tuck her hair behind her ear. It was longer than he remembered it. It only used to be short, now it was longer. When did she have short hair?
He searched his mind for a memory. He remembered finding her in his shelter and knowing she was his. Her hair had been short then. The photo. Her hair was short in the photo. He shrugged and turned his attention to her again.
He felt like telling her something. For the first time in his memory, he felt like just talking to her and laughing. When had he laughed with her? Before. He remembered her eyes wide and smiling and her lips parted widely, showing her teeth. He wanted her to laugh. How?
He studied her eyes. She was tired and scared. Scared of what? Scared of being taken. He touched her hand reassuringly, curling his fingers around hers and smiling.
A sound from the crib alerted them both to the baby's presence. He was awake. Gently, Jack reached in and took the baby out, giving him reluctantly to Sam who could care for. He watched, intrigued as she fed their son and cradled him in her arms.
A longing to be included filled him, and he sat on the bed again, gathering them into his arms. Her wings were big and awkward, creating difficulty which her eyes apologised for. He smiled again and turned her sideways on his lap, solving the problem.
* * *
"So what's our next course of action?" General Hammond asked, looking around the debriefing room and noticing the two empty chairs with a twinge. It was highly unlikely either person who usually occupied those chair would be sitting in them again. Even if their minds were fixed, there was still the problem of breaking regulations and now having a child to take care of.
"Well...Jack recognised Teal'C. That and the fact that he's talking again and showing an interest in things could be considered a good sign." Janet started out tentatively.
"But?" General Hammond knew there was something coming.
"He doesn't really remember anything except Sam..."
"But he's still breaking the regulations even though he remembers?" General Hammond was shocked.
"No, I don't think he realises that. I think he just remembers her from after the time they went missing. I think we have a pretty good reason to assume they weren't separated immediately when they went missing." Janet tried to hide a smile.
"What about Major Carter?" General Hammond asked the question tentatively. Last week's display of flying had really gotten a few tongues wagging around the SGC, and it wasn't good.
"Well...you know the baby's healthy...she's in good condition too, no after effects from the birth or anything. To tell the truth, General, I think that we're going to need to talk to either this Yal person again or find someone with the technology to help us. The To'Kra are doing their best, but Colonel O'Neill is only recently getting better. It could be years at this rate before either of them gets back to normal, if they ever do." Janet admitted sadly.
"And her wings?"
"Well, Sir, I examined her while she was under an anesthetic...the wings look as though they've always been there. It was only after a few hours that I notice they are connected to her nervous system."
"Meaning?" Daniel interrupted, not feeling very accommodating at that particular moment.
"They're joined to her Sir, like a leg or an arm." Janet shrugged. "It's like someone getting a limb reattached, only with much more skill and knowledge that we have ever seen before. If we could talk to the people who did this we might revolutionise the world of transplanting." Janet informed them.
"Dr. All I'm concerned about right now is getting my two officers back to normal. Go and talk to Yal again and see if you can get anything out of him." General Hammond ordered, standing up and leaving the room abruptly.
"It's getting to him." Daniel observed, feeling like that himself.
"They're like his own children Daniel." Janet said softly. "He's known her since she was a toddler." She explained, "And Jack's the son he never had."
"Janet..." Daniel suddenly looked up, hope on his face.
"What?" She looked at him, wondering what his brain was churning out now.
"You said Sam's wings were like a leg or an arm, right?"
"Ye-eah."
"Okay. Don't you need like a part of your brain to control a leg or an arm?"
"Yes, but there's so much of your brain that isn't being used..."
"Janet, we're humans. Humans don't have wings, not normally. How would they have gotten Sam's brain to accept the wings and send signals to it so that they were useable?"
"I don't know." Janet looked surprised for a minute. "Neurons or something...Like Merrin's people maybe."
"You didn't find anything like that in Sam though, did you?"
"No."
"What if they have some way of altering the neurons?"
"You mean like creating new ones?"
"Yes, but also changing or 'breaking' neurons?" Daniel delivered his punchline.
"Which would explain why they have basically no memory and were 'brain-dead' for a while!" Janet jumped up. "I can't believe I didn't think of that!" Janet got up and ran out of the room, her mind spinning with ideas.
"Glad to be of service." Daniel smiled hopefully and gathered his things.
* * *
"Okay. I've run some tests and your theory is pretty close." Janet sounded impressed.
"Yes?" Daniel waited.
"The neurons are still there...but a lot of them are dormant." She started off.
"So they're just sitting there?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"I don't know. Now, I've gone over some of the Colonel's brain scans and these results are quite interesting." Janet showed Daniel the charts.
"You can see a slow increase in activity each time Selmak has been with him..."
"But it jumped here when Ta'rac did him last week."
"Maybe it's because it was a healing device and not a memory recall device." Janet suggested. "It healed the neurons."
"Or perhaps it was the shot with the Zat gun." Teal'C interjected, watching Janet's face light up.
"Yes! Electricity! That would make sense!" She exclaimed.
"Huh?" Daniel waited for an explanation.
"It's like jump-starting his brain!" Janet blurted out, smiling when she realised what she'd said.
"So we just zap them a few times and they're all fixed up?" Daniel sounded slightly skeptical.
"No...it's probably not going to be that easy...but yes." Janet garbled, thinking.
"What do you suggest?"
"We ask them." Janet disappeared out of the door before Daniel could say anything.
"And that's the solution?" General Hammond looked just as skeptical as Daniel had.
"Yes Sir." Janet nodded, waiting hopefully.
"Okay. I'll go with you when you propose it to him."
* * *
He was getting frustrated. Sam was still sleeping and so was their son, but he wasn't. He felt stifled. He needed to go outside...to see something...to do something. He needed an aim all of a sudden, he had been idle for too long. It was becoming important that he did this, but he didn't know why.
He glanced up as he heard the door open and saw the woman entering again, followed by the large man he recognised slightly, a man who got respect. A leader.
"Good morning Colonel." Janet smiled at him and glanced at Sam to check that she was okay. He still didn't feel comfortable leaving Sam alone, but something in him told him that he could trust this woman, that he could trust Dr. Fraiser. He stood up swiftly, only brushing his lips over Sam's forehead lightly so as not to wake her. He liked kissing her and touching her cheeks and hands with his hands and lips.
General Hammond felt slightly disconcerted everytime he saw O'Neill getting protective and affectionate towards 'his' Sam. In his mind he saw them as Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter, two of his best officers who made up the best SG team this facility had ever had and was ever likely to have. Sure, he knew they'd always been attracted to each other, but it was easy to overlook it or to ignore it when they so obviously did. He knew that no matter what the outcome, SG-1 would never be the same, and the two officers making up SG-1 would never be able to go back to the relationship that they once had. This was going to be tricky.
"Colonel." The General nodded his head once they were all in a small examining room. Jack looked at the two people with him curiously. This was different, to what he was used to, and he felt a thrill crawling up his back. Finally, things were going to get back to the way they used to be.
He checked himself. How did things 'used to be'? Why did he suddenly feel a tremour of fear and sadness run up his back?
"Colonel, we need to talk to you about something, okay?" Janet watched him carefully, taking in the calculating look in his brown eyes. He was thinking something, that was for sure.
Jack nodded his head. General Hammond felt hope as he saw that. Maybe...
"We need you to tell us how you feel." Janet said cryptically. Jack didn't say anything but the confused, slightly curious look in his eyes told her he was interested.
"I don't know much of this you'll understand because of your memory, but..."
"I probably wouldn't understand much of it anyway." He blurted out, looking surprised as the words rolled of his tongue. Janet and Hammond looked suitably impressed too, he noticed with satisfaction. He hadn't spoken much at all since he woke up.
General Hammond smiled suddenly, relaxing. It would be okay.
"Okay. Well...we need to know what you're remembering, what feels familiar and things like that." Janet started out.
"Why?"
"Okay. Look...from what we can tell...your memory has been blocked out by something...we're guessing that your captors did this to you. Somehow they've fiddled around with all your neurons..."
"They rewired my head?" He sounded like the old Colonel they knew.
"Ye-eah. How did you know that?" Janet pounced on it.
"I thought my head felt like it hadn't been rewired properly when I woke up...what's a neuron?"
Janet glanced at General Hammond, a look that said a lot more than words.
"Okay...look...you know you're Colonel Jack O'Neill of the United States Air Force, Right?"
"I guess. What is it?" He looked at them. The first time he asked a question it felt strange, but once the first one had been asked he had a billion more burning in his mind. The strange thing was, he could have sworn at one stage he had known most of the answers.
"Okay...when you get your memory back you'll know." Janet put her hands up.
"I lost my memory?" He sounded thoughtful. "Is that why I recognised Teal'C? Because I knew him before?"
"You know us all, Colonel." Janet said quietly.
"Oh. What about Sam?"
"You know Sam too, from before. She knows us all."
"Oh. How do I know her?" Jack was curious. Thinking about it now he had no idea how he had known about her and who she was. She had just been there...and it had just been...right.
"You work with her." Janet said carefully.
"Is that all?" He glanced suspiciously at them.
"Colonel...when you were fiddling around the equipment this morning, did you by any chance get shocked?" She watched his face carefully, he didn't understand her. "Did it hurt you?"
"Well..." He admitted reluctantly.
"General...if he's had an electric shock and it's prompted this kind of reaction..."
"What reaction?" General Hammond interrupted.
"Sir, he's asking questions and thinking for himself, not to mention the talking!" Janet said excitedly.
"Then it proves your theory." General Hammond realised.
"Hello, what theory?" Jack interrupted, shaking his head slightly.
"Welcome back Jack." General Hammond grinned.
"Pardon?" He raised his eyebrows.
"You're sounding a lot more like your old self." The older man explained.
"Oh." Jack said in his typical 'Okay, I don't really understand you or think you're completely sane, but I'll agree anyway' kind of tone.
General Hammond and Janet grinned.
"Colonel...we have an idea." Janet smiled at him.
* * *
She opened her eyes, immediately missing his presence. Where was he? He was there, watching her, but something was different, she saw it in his eyes.
"Hi Sam." He said softly. She narrowed her eyes. He was talking. They didn't talk, did they? She thought hard, forcing herself to think.
~~"I know you're probably sick of me asking this, and don't give me the whole apple thing again, but this wormhole we go through..."
"Okay...think of it as jelly then."
"Jelly?"
"Yes sir. Instead of going all along the outside of the jelly you push the jelly together in the middle so that you're still going through it but not as far as you would if you just tunnel through it."
"Oh. Wouldn't it cave in on you though?"
"It hasn't yet."
"You know...if you feel like this when the Tollan try to explain something to you..."
"I don't...I get annoyed cos they don't think I'd understand."
"You think I don't understand."
"Do you?"
"....That's not the point Major."***
Yes. She did talk. Once. Why didn't she talk now? She studied him. He was different, they way he looked at her said so. Why? What had they done to him.
"It's okay Sam. Janet's got an idea to make you better, to give you your memory back." Jack stumbled over the words, the peace and relief that he finally remembered more than just vague pictures evident in his face.
How? How could he remember? What did he remember? Why was he so sad?
"Sam, Janet wants you to go through with it, okay?" He studied her. He glanced around, checking to make sure no one was watching. Gently he leant over and kissed her lovingly, running his hand slowly over her face. "I love you Sam." He whispered.
***"Sam...I'm sorry."
"It's okay...I'm sorry too..."
"No...I was way out of line.. you have nothing to be sorry about."
"Yes I do..."
"No, you don't."
"Damnit it Jack, I want to just as much as you do so don't tell me I have nothing to be sorry about!!"
"You do?"
"Of course. If it weren't for the regs...."***
Her eyes flew open and she looked at him. She knew, he realised. She knew somehow that they weren't allowed to be together.
She smiled sadly and nodded her head, acknowledging his words to her.
"Come on, Janet's waiting for you. I'll get one of the nurses to look after...the baby." He realised it had been over a week since the child had been born and they didn't have a name for him yet. Hell, he didn't even know which day he'd been born on, or which year. He had a lot of catching up to do.
* * *
"Hi Jack." Daniel greeted Jack out of habit, rather than waiting for a response.
"Daniel." Jack nodded his head as he walked past Daniel. Daniel stopped in his tracks and watched as Jack wondered absently down the hall.
"Jack?" He called out hesitantly.
"Yeah?" Jack turned and looked at him, relisation dawning in his eyes.
"You're back then?" Daniel couldn't keep the smile off his face.
"Not 100% yet, but getting there." Jack admitted.
"How long?"
"About an hour only." Jack admitted.
"So Janet's idea worked then?"
"I thought it was yours." Jack grinned, hugging his friend suddenly. "Thanks."
"For what?"
"Getting me back. If you have any idea what it's like to be like that..."
"I don't, but I watched you and Sam and I was happy it wasn't me." Daniel shuddered, studying Jack carefully. "Where is Sam?" He asked, watching the laughter fade from his friend's eyes.
"I'm on my way to see how she is. Janet just had a go at her with the electric thingies." Jack admitted.
"It's not going to go away if you ignore it." Daniel said suddenly.
"What isn't?" Jack asked, his eyes wearing the usual Jack O'Neill mask again.
"What happened between you and Sam." Daniel started out. "And don't deny anything Jack because if your brains were fiddled with then this has to be pretty important for the two of you to have remembered each other and still been in love." Daniel pointed out gently.
"We never were in love Daniel." Jack stated, realising it wasn't true.
"Oh no?" Daniel raised his eyebrow. "Where's the photo Jack?" Daniel asked him.
Jack sheepishly dug into his pocket and pulled out the creased photo.
"If you weren't in love with her why did you manage to hold onto her when your mind was sleeping?" Daniel asked, giving the photo back to Jack.
"Even if there was something Daniel, we can't keep it." Jack sighed.
"You have a kid, Jack."
"So? Single Mom's and Dad's aren't that rare you know."
"Jack...there is the chance that Sam is stuck with the wings. What then?"
Jack stopped suddenly. Those damn wings again!!!
"Daniel?"
"Yeah?"
"Was I dreaming or did she really fly?" Jack asked suddenly.
Daniel grinned, slapping Jack on the back.
"It'll be right Jack." He laughed, hope raising it's frail head again as they made their way to the infirmary.
* * *
Sam gradually became aware of the world around her. Deciding to prolong any examinations she knew she'd get when she opened her eyes, she kept them closed for a bit longer, relaxing.
She knew she was in the infirmary. How'd she get here? She searched her scattered memories for a bit, confused by the lack of data in her mind. Determined to think about that in a second, she decided to check herself for any injuries.
Gingerly she stretched a leg and flexed it. All fine. The other one was fine too. Arm one, great. Arm two...fine. Ribs...fine. Wings...fine...whoa ....WINGS??!!
Her eyes flew open and she sat up looking back over her shoulder to see if she wasn't dreaming.
"SHIT!" She swore, catching sight of the big things protruding into the sky. No wonder she's been uncomfortable in the bed. They were enormous. How'd she get those?
"Someone's awake I see?" Janet surprised her and she fell out of the bed. "Not very graceful for someone with wings." Janet knew she was cruel, teasing Sam without explaining things, but she couldn't resist.
"Janet, what the hell is going on?" She demanded, forcing herself to remember.
Her mind flashed to something suddenly, people dressed strangely and watching her. Them!! She still didn't know who they were.
"Calm down Sam!" Janet helped her back into the bed, helping Sam maneuver the wings so that they hung over the side of the bed, not irritating anyone. "Nearly a year ago you and the Colonel both went missing..." Janet started off.
"What?" Sam looked shocked. She remembered being confused and not being able to remember anyone.
"I'm busy explaining. You got sent to another planet by some natives who thought you were bad, and the people on this new planet decided you were to be punished and they did something to you to make all your neurons dormant. Before you ask, no, we don't know what..."
"I remember. How did you fix me?" Sam interrupted, suddenly understanding her confusion.
"Daniel suggested an electrical impulse, and it worked. What do you remember?"
"I don't know." Sam looked around. "This is SGC, right?"
"Right."
"Okay...I'm in the infirmary?"
"Yeah."
"You're Janet...."
"Fraiser."
"Okay. What do we do here?"
"We're a top secret military base..."
"Stargate!" She breathed, the memory appearing.
"Yeah..."
"The more I think the more I remember, like a chain of events!" Sam said, suddenly realising that getting her memory back was an adventure, a chance to relive everything over again.
A sudden wail interrupted the conversation.
"I think someone's looking for you." Janet smiled as she reached over for the baby, watching the pallor drain from Sam's face as she saw it.
"You mean...it's real...that's..."
"Your son Sam." Janet nodded gently.
"And..." Sam dreaded hearing the words.
"You know Sam, you know who it is." Janet wasn't going to tell Sam. Sam had to know by herself and admit to it.
"Oh shit." Sam whispered, taking the baby. "What was I thinking!" She whispered into her baby's head, realising this was right, it hadn't been a dream. A thrill raced through her. This was her son...here's and Jacks. She paused.
"Where is he?" Sam asked suddenly.
"Who?" Janet played innocent.
"The Colonel." It was so easy to call him that. Easier than saying 'Jack'.
"Outside, waiting for you. Do you want me to call him for you?"
"No." Sam bit out quickly. "No...I need to, uh, I need to think Janet." Sam looked up at her friend, her eyes large frightened.
"Sam..."
"No...I have to think Janet. I can't talk to him right now...he's my CO for crying out loud, and I have a baby with him!" Sam said the words out loud, a sinking feeling in her gut.
"Okay. I'll come and check on you in a while, okay?"
"Yeah. Thanks Janet." Sam murmured, watching her son.
* * *
"Can I see her?" Jack jumped up immediately...his haunted eyes studying Janet fearfully.
"Are you okay Colonel?" Janet felt worried at the depth of raw emotion suddenly present.
"Yeah. Can I see her?" He demanded harshly, he had to see her.
"She wants some time alone now...to think...Colonel?" Janet trailed off, watching as the agitated man took off without waiting. "What happened?" She turned to Daniel who was watching Jack with a worried expression on his face.
"I think he just remembered Charlie." Daniel admitted eventually.
Janet sucked in her breath sharply. "Oh God." She whispered, watching as Jack disappeared around the corner. "How?"
"We heard the baby cry. Jack said it was hungry and I asked him how he knew. He said that babies give different types of cries. Then he went all thoughtful on me and you could see the instant that he remembered." Daniel remembered the pain on Jack's face.
"This is not good." Janet muttered, looking helplessly at Daniel.
"What do we do?"
"Talk to the General I guess." Janet pulled a face and headed off to the elevators.
* * *
"Enter." General Hammond called, catching sight of Daniel and Janet. This couldn't be good, he realised.
"Sir. We tried the procedure on both Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill."
"And?" He waited. There was something neither of them wanted to tell him.
"Well...Sir...to be honest...I'm pretty sure it's worked." Janet admitted.
"But?" He waited.
"Well...they don't have their full memories back yet, but Colonel O'Neill certainly remembers alot more now than when he woke up over and hour ago after the procedure." Janet started off. "And Major Carter is asking questions and working out the answers by herself."
General Hammond smiled at that. Trust Carter.
"Uh, Sir, both of them are aware that they've broken a regulation." Janet licked her lips.
"Jack remembered Charlie." Daniel inserted. "And Sam needed some time alone to think..."
"Where's the Colonel?" Hammond was instantly alert.
"I don't know, Sir."
"Try paging Teal'C." Daniel suggested.
Hammond complied and the Jaffa was soon speaking to the General through an internal phone.
"Well?" Daniel waited for the result.
"He's in his room. Looking at photos." General Hammond admitted. "Teal'C's going to keep an eye on him."
"What do we do now, Sir?" Janet asked, worried because she had an idea of what was coming. Daniel wasn't so lucky.
"We wait until they're judged to be mentally fit and then the inquiry begins."
"I beg your pardon?" Daniel was confused.
"They're going to be court-marshaled Daniel, whether we like it or not." General Hammond admitted defeat.
"But..."
"I know."
"General, with all due respect, nothing can be done until Major Carter is back to her old self again." Janet pointed out.
"The wings." Daniel realised, earning a small smile from Janet.
"I think we go and talk to Yal and Major Carter." General Hammond agreed, allowing a glimmer of hope to grow in his chest.
* * *
"Hey, Sam." Daniel popped his head around the corner and watched as Sam looked up from the baby and smiled at him, a grin on her face.
"Daniel!" She said his name happily, finally relieved to finally realise who he was after all this time. "Long time no know." She joked, watching him smile slightly.
Sitting on the bed with her golden hair mussed up and her wings spread out in a relaxed way around her, she really did look like an angel. No wonder Jack fell in love with the woman, he realised, thinking about Sha're with his usual longing.
"Hi. I was wondering if you were up to a talk?" He looked at her hopefully.
"About what?" She asked suspiciously, watching the guilty expression on his face.
"Well...a few things actually. Do you think you could tell us what happened?" He asked softly.
Sam screwed up her eyes, trying to remember.
~~o0o~~
"Whatcha doing?" Colonel O'Neill asks, strolling up closer for a look.
"There's something interesting here..." I manage to break my concentration for a second to answer him.
"Like?" He waits. I ignore him, the readings in the soil are...strange. "Hello, Carter?" He waves a gloved hand in front of my face, his blue tipped fingers reminding me of the cold.
"Colonel." I sigh, admitting I'm not going to get much done with him distracting me. "Where are Daniel and Teal'C?"
"No idea. Probably off exploring some bush or something. You hungry?" He asks, delving into his pocket for a chocolate bar.
"What kind?" I ask as he brought the crinkly wrapper out from the depths.
"Top Deck." He sounds disappointed.
"What happened to peppermint?" I tease, accepting a piece. I watch as he pulls a face at my dirty fingers and pop the chocolate into my mouth.
"I thought you said the soil was interesting." He says.
"I did."
"Why did you just put some in your mouth?"
"It's just good old soil with a few interesting properties." I shrug.
"Like?"
"Some minerals from plants and stuff we don't have back home, nothing spectacular." I admit, watching him roll his eyes.
"Oh. Well...if that's all..."
"Wait a minute..." My eye catches sight of something...what is it?
"What now?" He asks, looking in the direction I am facing.
"I think it's a cave. Come on, let's explore." I beg. I've got too much energy all of a sudden, must have been something in the dirt.
He sighs and gets up, letting me lead the way to the cave. Inside it's bigger than I thought.
"Hey!" I catch sight of something.
"What?" He shines his torch in my eye, blinding me for a second.
"Can you see them?"
"See what?" He asks, looking at the wall my torch is aimed at.
"Under that moss...I can just make out..."
"It looks like moss, Carter." He is sarcastic, not seeing what I'm seeing.
"No. If you look closely..." I dig out my dog tags from beneath my jacket and use one of them to scratch away the moss around the shape I see.
"What are you doing now Carter?" He sounds annoyed. It's even colder in here than outside, no wonder he is irritated.
"Look. This shape...It looks like a symbol on the Stargate." I'm quite excited about this discovery. If only Daniel was here to see this...he might know what it is.
"I guess...if you just dust this moss away here." He catches on to my enthusiasm and removes his cap which he uses to dust away the moss that is refusing to fall to the ground even though I've loosened it. The moss smells strange, like a fermented drink almost.
"Colonel!" I spin around and catch sight people in the cave entrance. Angry people, throwing moss at us. I feel dizzy...the smell...it's not the moss...it's what the moss is soaked in....
~~o0o~~
"Is that it?" He sounded disappointed.
"I'm sorry Daniel." Sam apologised.
"What about after that?"
"I don't know. I remember waking up at one stage and hearing people talking, something about me not supposed to be awake or something...I don't know...I wasn't particularly keen on listening to anything." She shook her head, willing away the headache.
"What about after? When did you and Jack..." He stopped, blushing a bit. Sam knew what he was trying to say but she didn't know how to answer it.
"The next thing I know is I'm on a planet, no one is talking and I'm wet because it's raining. I also had to find him..."
"Who?"
"Jack, I think. I don't know...it was almost as if there was some part of me missing and I had to find it. Nothing else was important. I remember thinking that finding him wasn't supposed to be important either, but it was." She garbled, trying to make sense of it herself.
"I found him, obvious." She smiles a rueful smile and continues, stroking the baby's head protectively. "One day these People came for me, and I knew I had to go with them. They took me through the gate to this world...I remember waking up and that's it. I hung around there for a few months...I think about 7 if my adding is right from what you told me, and then I left. I don't know why...I just remember seeing a memory of a hand dialing an address on the DHD, so I dialed it and left." Sam finished off, frustrated at her lack of knowledge. What had happened to her?
"When did you get your wings?"
"I don't know. I think it was somewhere in-between them taking me from Ja...the Colonel and waking up in the garden." She blinks, trying to remember.
"The garden?" Daniel is curious now.
"Yeah. They had this huge garden where all these women were...winged ones that is." Sam explains.
"Do you know where this world is?" Daniel asks hopefully.
"No. Why?"
"We're thinking that if you don't like your wings maybe we can try and contact them and get them removed." Daniel admitted.
"I don't know the address." Sam shook her head, anger filling her suddenly.
"I know someone who does." Daniel grinned.
"Who?" Sam demanded impatiently.
"Yal." Daniel said, gauging her reaction.
"Who?" She couldn't have been more lost if she tried.
"Yal. The guy that made you freak in the gateroom."
"Did I really fly?" Sam asked suddenly, a childish expression of joy on her face.
"Oh yeah. All the way up." Daniel looked decidedly green just thinking about it.
"Wow." She smiled, deliberately moving her wings slightly.
"Sam..." Daniel didn't want to do this, but he had to talk to her. "Would you consider talking to Yal?" Daniel asked hopefully.
Instantly Sam felt that same fear she had felt the last time. It was irrational, unignorable and completely real.
"I.." She swallowed. Daniel saw the fear and confusion in her eyes.
"What did he do to you Sam?" Daniel asked softly.
"Nothing." Sam shook her head, clearly confused about her own fear.
"He says he's a Studier." Daniel said gently.
"Makes sense. He was drawing. Often." Sam remembered. "There were others too...but he was always around."
"Would you talk to him?" Daniel asked hopefully.
Sam considered, pushing the fear down.
"Tell you what...You somehow get permission for me to test these little babies out and we have a deal." Sam grinned, wanting to explore her 'new' set of wings.
"O-kay." Daniel agreed hesitantly. "Just don't stay up on that little ledge again. We had no idea how to get you down." He ordered.
"Aye aye." She saluted him, laughing slightly with excitement and giddy with fear. She hugged the baby. "And you, sweety, need a name." She realised. She was going to have to talk to the Colonel. But not yet. There were other things to sort out first. More important things.
She realised, with a sudden pang of fear, that wasn't true. What she wanted to avoid talking about was more important than getting a pair of oversized feather covered bits of chicken removed from her back. Mind you, they could be pretty cool if you didn't mind their size or the fact that they were so damn obvious and awkward.
* * *
"Has she made a decision?" General Hammond asked Daniel as he stepped into the room.
"She's willing to see him..." Daniel tried not to smile.
"But?" General Hammond was starting to miss Jack O'Neill's straight to the point don't waste time get it all out in one go approach to debriefings.
"She wants to uh, have permission to test out her wings first." Daniel couldn't stop smiling.
"She wants to what?" General Hammond sounded surprised. It hadn't quite sunk in to him.
"She wants to have a go flying." Daniel shrugged. "Then she'll talk to the guy." He added, hoping the General would agree.
"Where do you propose we let her fly then?" General Hammond sighed. Things couldn't get any stranger. Hell, he'd be worried if SG-1 didn't do peculiar things.
"Gate room worked fine last time." Daniel suggested.
"Or outside." Janet offered. "But I think the gateroom would be best."
"What about the gym?" Daniel said suddenly. "Where they go boxing." He explained.
"Perfect." General Hammond nodded, standing up. "You can go and get her. The sooner this is over the better." He decided.
* * *
"So where are we going?" Sam clutched her baby tightly as she followed Daniel and Janet.
"The gym." Daniel offered no more.
"Why?"
"Sam..." He sighed. "Can you fly in those?" He asked, motioning to the clothes she was wearing.
Sam glanced down at herself. Janet had cut two slits up the back of her shirt and jacket, Sam had put them on and Janet had fixed buttons onto the rest of the cuts so that the shirt didn't fall open or off.
"Don't see why not." She shrugged, excitement coursing through her veins.
They arrived at the gym after a few stops and exclamations from Sam as a sight or a sound triggered something else in her memory.
"Daniel?" Sam asked suddenly, just before they got there.
"Mmm?" He asked, turning around with a 'what now' look on his face.
"Was I a Go'auld?" Sam asked.
"What?" Daniel was surprised. "No. You were a To'Kra for a while, Jolinaar her name was." Daniel started.
"I remember now." Sam said softly, starting to walk again. "My Dad is now one, isn't he? Selmak." Sam remembered.
"Yeah."
"I'm guessing that guy who brought me here was a To'Kra." Sam worked out.
"Yeah, his name's Ta'rac. His symbiote is Myshluk or something like that." Daniel agreed.
"Oh." Sam continued in silence.
They entered the gym eventually and paused in surprise. There were quite a few people there, just milling about.
"What are they all doing here?" Sam whispered, feeling very self-conscious as most of them watched her curiously.
"No idea. General?" Daniel turned to the man.
"It's Colonel O'Neill. They've all come to see if he's okay." General Hammond explained, Sam only noticing him for the first time.
"Can I do this somewhere else?" Sam asked hopefully.
"Where?" General Hammond asked kindly, smiling a greeting at her.
"I don't know. I just don't want all these people watching me." She shivered slightly with nerves.
"How about outside?" He suggested, taking in her pale cheeks.
"Really?" She looked up at him with hope in her eyes.
"It's probably not such a good idea, but yeah." The General nodded. It was the least he could do.
Silently the four of them and the baby left the room, leaving Jack alone in the middle of the crowd, trying to talk to everyone but his heart following Sam out of the room.
"Janet...can I see Cassie?" Sam asked suddenly, just before they reached the top floor.
"Sure." Janet smiled, happy Sam had suddenly remembered Cassie. "What made you remember?"
"The elevator." Sam said, not explaining her remark.
There was silence as Sam, Janet, Teal'C, Daniel and General Hammond made their way up to the surface. They watched in silence as she lifted her face to the sun, a half smile playing around on her lips.
"Major, I think it would be best if we maybe moved to an area a little less public." General Hammond interrupted her quiet reverie.
"Oh. Of course, sorry Sir." She apologised, gathering control of her thoughts and turning to follow the rest of the people to the small clearing where SG-1 often went and sat to talk.
She stood self consciously for a minute when they got there, unsure about what she was supposed to do.
"Sam?" Janet watched the uncertainty play across her face.
"I'm okay, Janet." She smiled, suddenly remembering something. "You know, they gave me an injection at one stage." She said.
"Really?" Janet couldn't have been more surprised by the comment.
"Yeah. Your's are better, they don't hurt as much." She grinned, spreading her wings without realising. "Wow!" She exclaimed as she felt the breeze ruffle the feathers.
"What's it feel like?" Daniel asked, his face full of curiosity.
"I don't know. I can feel the wind on the feathers..." She twisted herself to watch as the wings waved slightly in the breeze. "It feels like it's just blowing though my hair." She added for their benefit.
"Do they hurt?" Daniel asked.
"No." Sam shook her head, moving the wings deliberately, experimenting with them.
"Well...go on." Daniel interjected impatiently, earning a glare from Janet.
Sam panicked slightly, but then jumped into the air with a determination that surprised her. Automatically her wings opened up and she was flying. Only going up, granted, but she was flying.
"Oh my God!" She yelled holding her arms out and savouring the feeling.
"Sam!" Janet called, panicked.
"I'm okay Janet! It's...it's...it's incredible!" She breathed, tipping one wing slightly and dipping. "Whoa!" She caught herself and started spiraling back down to the ground, gliding in graceful circles until she was just hovering above the ground. "Wow!" She breathed in, gently letting her feet touch the ground.
"I'm sooo jealous right now." Janet admitted, reaching out a tentative hand and touching the wings.
"I might be able to carry you..." Sam looked thoughtful.
"I don't think so." Janet shook her head. "I'm too heavy and you're not very strong." She added, her 'doctor' voice taking control.
"Major, as much as I enjoyed that little display, we're going to have to go back under before someone sees you." General Hammond interrupted gently, smiling ever so slightly at her flushed cheeks.
"Of course." Sam grinned at him and skipped ever so slightly, feeling like a child as her bare feet brushed over the grass.
* * *
He couldn't find anyone anywhere. Not in the infirmary, not in the cafeteria, not even in their quarters. He couldn't find Sam either. Where were they? He'd seen them leave the gym, she's looked so small...so self conscious and awkward with those big wings. Maybe they were in the General's office...
He was walking down the hallway when he heard the shrieks of laughter coming off an adjacent corridor. Recognising the cajoling tone and the girlish giggles, he changed his path to intercept them.
"Oh, come on Janet...just let me try...please?" Sam was begging, he could hear her clearly now.
"But I'm..."
"Come on Janet...it's not going to be that high you know!" Sam insisted and he could hear the victory in her voice.
"Okay." Janet agreed. Just as he rounded the corner he saw Sam leap into the air, firmly holding onto Janet's waist, and trying to fly down the hallway, the tips of her wings brushing on either wall.
"YOU"RE GOING TO DROP ME!!!" Janet shrieked, covering her eyes and kicking her legs as she rose about ten centimetres off the ground.
"Unless you stop kicking I will!" Sam laughed as she dipped Janet precariously close to the ground, earning another shriek of laughter.
"Major Carter!" General Hammond's voice suddenly bellowed from somewhere further down the hallway. "I leave you and Dr. Fraiser alone for two minutes and what happens? The base falls apart!" Jack felt sorry for the man. He must have been through hell this last while.
"Sorry Sir." Janet apologised meekly as Sam deposited her gently on the ground again, still hovering in the air.
"Are you intending on coming down anytime soon, Major?" General Hammond couldn't help the laugh in his voice.
"Maybe." Sam grinned, but lowering herself to the ground anyway. Jack sighed as he watched her. Then a thought hit him. She didn't have the baby. Without a word he turned on his heel and marched down to the infirmary, determination in his eyes.
* * *
Sam bit her lip as she sat between Daniel and Janet in the briefing room. Teal'C was standing guard behind her, giving her a feeling of being surrounded and protected...loved maybe? She sighed involuntarily, glancing through the glass windows, hoping to catch a glimpse of him.
She loved him, that much was certain. But did he *really* love her?
I love you Sam.
The words played over and over in her mind. Had she dreamt them? She'd dreamt alot, remembered a lot of things that had never happened, or had they? It was hard, trying to remember things and know which were real memories and which were just dreams, illusions of what she wished had been real.
It was all academic anyway. Even if he did love her it was a hopeless cause. He might be willing to give up his career for her, if she was lucky, but even if he was she would never let him do it, just like he'd never let her do it.
What about their son?
Firmly she pushed the thought away. It was easier to pretend she was a teenager on the loose, someone immature who was allowed to be irresponsible sometimes and shirk all her responsibilities. The episode in the hall with her 'carrying' Janet down the hall had just proved that. General Hammond and everyone else were still accepting that she didn't have all her memories back, that she didn't have all the knowledge she once had. Maybe she didn't, but it was starting to feel like she had nearly everything back. Still, let them believe that for a while longer, it gave her the excuses she needed to avoid the serious confrontations and problems she knew were in the future.
She stiffened as the door opened and General Hammond entered, his face serious and slightly tense. An escort followed him, then the 'prisoner', and then another SF. Turning, General Hammond dismissed the SF's with a slight nod, and they were left alone with Yal.
"So. You're Yal." Sam broke the ice, using a comment she knew Jack would have made, but unable to help herself. Where was he?
"I am. Your friends tell me you are Sam." Yal agreed compliantly.
"To them." She agreed coolly. He was strange one, she decided.
"What is it you wish to discuss with me?" He got straight to the point.
"How do I get rid of my halo?" She said sarcastically.
"I beg your pardon, I do not understand." Yal sounded quite confused, and Janet had a slight smile on her face at Sam's sarcasm.
"She means how does she get the wings removed." Daniel explained.
"What is a halo?" Yal was curious now.
"It's something that all angels have, kind like a symbol of innocence and purity..." Daniel started off.
"Daniel...we don't need this right now." Sam cut him off. "Look, I didn't ask for these over sized bits of bird to be attached to my back. Sure, they're quite fun and all, but I really would like them removed ASAP." Sam stated bluntly.
"Why?" Yal looked surprised. "Surely they do improve your life?"
"If they're such a big improvement why don't you have a pair?" Sam shot right back, watching the look of consideration pass over his eyes.
"I do not know. Only the ones for studies have wings..."
"I was a study?" Sam narrowed her eyes.
"Yes. A very interesting one indeed. The Len and the rest were most surprised that you left. That has never before happened." Yal agreed.
"Who are the Len?" Daniel asked immediately.
"They are the ones who guide us and give us what we need." Yal said eventually. "They know what is right for us." He added, unsure of his description.
"Like Gods?"
"No. We do not have Gods." Yal shook his head in dismissal.
"Yet you play God." General Hammond inserted eventually.
"No, we do not. We are simply a race who punishes those sent to us." Yal shook his head. "We rid the worlds of the evil."
"Oh. So fiddling around with human physiology and adding bits that don't and shouldn't belong isn't playing God?" Janet interrupted.
"You are referring to the wings, I presume?" Yal faced the Dr. for the first time.
"Yes." Janet nodded her head firmly.
"We are a race who appreciate beauty. Sam was much appreciated for her studies..." Yal started out.
"What exactly did you do to me?" Sam demanded suddenly, her face strained as she waited for the answer.
"We studied you." Yal looked surprised.
"How?" Sam pressed. She had to know these answers.
"By observing your ways...creating images of you so that you would be remembered, gaining enjoyment out of watching you." Yal shrugged.
"I don't understand why you do this." Sam bit out eventually.
"We always have. It is our way."
Sam sighed and slumped in her chair.
"Is there any possible way for Major Carter to be made...normal again?" General Hammond broke the heavy silence.
"I told you I do not know. It has not been done to my knowledge. Only the Creators or the Len would know."
"Yal...if we sent someone through to your world, would they be willing to talk to us and see if there's a way that they can reverse this?" Hammond asked.
"I believe they would be willing to talk."
"So they wouldn't turn anyone else into zombies or angels?" Daniel interrupted.
"No. They would not...the only reason Sam and the other one were treated was because they were sent to the other planet, the one where the punished go."
"How come none of us got 'treated' when we found Jack?" Daniel asked suddenly.
"You were not marked. Also, you would have been conscious. I am willing to believe that neither Sam nor the other one were..."
"Jack." Sam said calmly.
"I beg your pardon?" Yal turned to her.
"His name's Jack." Sam repeated, unaware of the looks being shot at her.
"General Hammond, I request permission to return to Yal's world..."
"Granted." General Hammond nodded. "Daniel, you too." He added.
"Sir?" Sam said hesitantly.
"No Major. We wait until it's arranged first. Then we'll send you." General Hammond shook his head, unwilling to agree.
"Is anyone else going, General?" Daniel asked.
"I don't know..."
"What about Jack sir?" Daniel said firmly, not really asking a question.
"I don't know...I don't know if he's completely..."
"He's fine, General. What he doesn't know by now won't hurt him." Janet added, looking meaningfully at the General.
Hammond sighed mentally. Undoubted, if Jack didn't go on this there was going to be hell to pay to the man, added to the fact that Jack probably blamed himself in some strange way, for what happened to Carter and himself.
"Okay." The General agreed. "You move out as soon as the Colonel is debriefed and you're geared up. Yal, you go with them...but be warned...any harms befalls any members of this team and you and your people will have hell to pay." Hammond warned, earning an understanding nod from the man in question.
"Yal...we just need your Stargate address..." Daniel said suddenly.
"Pardon?" Yal looked confused.
"The address, you know...what you dial to return to your planet?" Daniel waited.
"Oh." A look of concern passed over Yal's face. "I do not know it." He shrugged.
* * *
The body was soft and warm...it smelt so familiar, but so different all at once. He studied the hands carefully, noticing the way the delicate fingers curled around his index finger possessively and allowed himself a small smile. Cuddling his son close, Jack traced the tiny nose...Jacob Carter's nose..., the ears...his own..., the small brow...unable to tell whose just yet...
He felt a tremour go through him. What was going to happen to this small, nameless child that was born to two people who weren't allowed to be together?
Sam stood silently in the doorway, watching as Jack held his son. The large hands were unusually gentle, the bearlike fingers that usually broke anything semi fragile, handled this little bundle with such ease and tenderness that she felt a pang go through her. He was a good father. No, scratch that, he was a damn good father.
She'd seen pictures of him with Charlie...where she couldn't remember, but she knew she had. Charlie hadn't been his spitting image, only the eyes and the nose had really been Jack's, but the body language in all the photo's had been Jack's. She wondered if things were ever going to sort themselves out.
Jack glanced up slowly, reluctant to look away from his son's face. His head jerked up when he realised someone was watching him, the someone who had given birth to his son.
"Carter." He said her name with a shocked tone, embarrassed to have been caught out.
Sam flinched at the harsh way he spoke her name. Carter. The name taunted her. What had happened to Sam? She'd died the minute reality had come back, she realised dully. How did he do it? How did he manage to look just like normal? Unless...maybe he didn't feel anything towards her.
I love you Sam.
A dream. The words were a dream.
"Colonel." She greeted him, her voice cool and calm. She was in control. She wouldn't break. She wouldn't do that do him, hold him to her because she couldn't cope without him.
He looked guiltily at the baby still in his arms and hesitated before placing him gingerly into his crib, tearing his gaze from the perfectly bald head.
"He needs a name." Sam announced, not moving any further into the room from the doorway.
"Yeah." Was she offering an olive branch? Was she offering him a part in their son's life? Or was she passing their son to him, washing her hands? Or worse, was she just making small talk. "What were you thinking?" He asked.
Sam frowned. What were you thinking? Was he referring to her thoughts about a name for their son, or her feelings about the whole situation. 'Stop being stupid, Carter. You're talking about your son at the moment, not your feelings.'
"I don't know. I haven't really thought about it much." She admitted, looking past him at a distant spot on the wall. It was easier and far safer to study the wall. Rather find the white paint interesting than let those brown eyes look into her soul and know her thoughts. She couldn't take that, knowing he didn't return her feelings.
"Oh. Well...when you have some suggestions." He shrugged, shuffling from one foot to the other.
Had he dreamed it all? The way she'd clung to him for his protection, for his love? The way they'd seemed happy and complete when they were together?
When had life gotten so hard? When their memories returned, that's when. When real life had harshly brought them back to earth from their blissful happiness.
"Sure." Why did she sound so stiff, so force, so uncomfortable?
"Well...I guess I'll be seeing you then." He mashed his fingers together, his knuckles white with tension.
"Sure." She agreed again, stepping through the door and allowing him to walk past her. She felt the air stir slightly as he passed her, spiced slightly with that aftershave he always wore. Forcing her mouth to stay closed so she wouldn't call out, she moved over to her bed and looked down at the baby. He was all she had right now, all of Jack that she could ever have, and that would have to do.
* * *
Daniel looked up from his desk as Jack entered the room. A decidedly broody Jack.
"Hi Jack." Daniel waited for Jack's explanation as to why he was here in Daniel's office fiddling with a piece of rock that had a moment ago been sitting on Daniel's desk. He missed that, Daniel suddenly realised, he missed Jack just barging into his office, fiddling and usually breaking an artifact, and then slinking away without actually having had a reason to being there in the first place.
"Hm." Jack grunted, giving Daniel a minimal amount of attention.
"So. What brings you to my office, Jack." Daniel persisted. Something was wrong, and Daniel had a pretty good idea it was to do with Sam. Two days had passed since Sam and Jack had gotten their memories back and Yal had admitted to not knowing the address to his own planet. What an idiot, Daniel couldn't help thinking.
"Hm?" Jack glanced up momentarily, putting the rook down and grabbing a pen. "Oh. I was wondering what you were doing." Jack lied, not really knowing why he was there. Daniel's office comforted him sometimes.
Okay, if he was honest with himself, then he'd have to admit he like handing around in Daniel's office when Daniel was there because Daniel was one of his closest friends, the only person allowed to ask Jack anything and not be killed in the process. Teal'C was a good friend, but he wasn't really the kind of person who you talked to about your 'trivial' kind of problems. If he really had to talk, Daniel was there or Sam. Lately it had been more Sam, but now that was out of the question, seeing as she was a main part of his problem.
"Oh." Daniel glanced at him. "Are you upset?" He asked matter-of-factly.
"About what?" Jack didn't even look at him. There were so many thing he was upset about that he had no idea what Daniel was talking about.
"The mission." Daniel picked his pen up again. Jack was being unresponsive. The questioning wasn't going to result in anything so he might as well get some work done.
"Huh?" Jack turned to Daniel suddenly, the brown eyes boring intensely into Daniel's own. Daniel shifted uncomfortably. When Jack looked at a person like that he had the funniest feeling that Jack could see right into you.
"I said are you upset about the mission being a write off?" Daniel repeated, realising for the first time that Jack might not know about it.
"What mission?" That confirmed Daniel's suspicions.
"The one where we were going to go to Yal's planet and see if they could fix Sam up." Daniel explained slowly. "You didn't know about that, did you?" He stated unnecessarily.
"No. When was somebody planning on telling me these things?" Jack ranted.
"I thought you knew..."
"How am I supposed to know when no one tells me anything?" Jack yelled, smashing his fist onto Daniel's desk.
"I thought Sam might have told you..." Wrong choice of words, he realised suddenly. Jack and Sam had hardly spoken to each other, as far as he was aware. Jack avoided the infirmary and science labs like a plague.
"Hardly." Jack snorted. "So what happened?" He changed the subject before Daniel could comment. Daniel filed the comment away for future reference, determined to *talk* to Jack sometime soon.
"Well...Hammond basically organised a mission to Yal's world to talk to the Len - their leaders, sort of - to see if there was a 'cure' for Sam."
"But?"
"Well...the stupid idiot doesn't know his own Stargate address." Daniel admitted, feeling slightly ashamed of himself as well, for absolutely no logical reason.
"Who would have done the mission?" Jack asked suddenly, and Jack could see the wheels spinning in his mind.
"You, me and Teal'C." Daniel admitted.
"Good. Gear up. We leave in 30." Jack ordered, walking out of the door, leaving a slightly confused and worried Daniel in his midst.
* * *
"General?" Jack marched into the office. "Permission to barge in Sir." He added before stopping infront of the impressive wooden desk.
"Colonel." General Hammond said dryly, not even bothering to scold the man.
"Permission to gate to Yal's world, Sir." He stated.
"Hasn't Dr. Jackson told you? Yal doesn't know his address..."
"No. But I know it Sir." Jack stated calmly, wishing the General would hurry up.
"You do?"
"Yes Sir. I watched them dial it in when they took Sam...Major Carter from me...P57 881." Jack stumbled a few times, correcting himself hastily when he saw the disapproving looks on the General's face.
"So you have the address?"
"Yes Sir, that's what I said."
"Colonel." General Hammond warned, his tone serious despite the smile on his face.
"Sorry Sir. But could we..."
"Granted. You leave as soon as Teal'C and Daniel are ready, seeing as you obviously are." General Hammond squashed down an even broader grin.
"Yes Sir."
"Dismissed."
* * *
Daniel and Teal'C entered the gateroom exactly 30 minutes after Jack had first told him to get ready, and was surprised to see Jack already geared up and pacing impatiently.
"Nice of you guys to join me." Jack snapped sarcastically, his agitation showing as Yal arrived with an armed escort. "General?" He called up to the control room.
"We're dialing you out now, Colonel." General Hammond nodded. A few seconds later the wormhole locked into place. Jack stared at it with a shiver of fear, forcing the feeling down and nudging Yal firmly through the gate ahead of him.
* * *
The world they found themselves in was beautiful. Beautiful in a very, very artificial sort of way. Jack didn't think that one blade of grass was longer than another, that one flower had a mark on it or that one stone was out of shape. Too beautiful.
"Where are these Len people?" Jack turned to face Yal who was looking slightly sick, probably due to the gate travel.
"They are in the council chambers." Yal said, taking a deep breath. "I will take you there if you wish." He added unnecessarily.
"You were going to anyway." Jack's sarcasm was lost on the poor man.
"This way." Yal straightened his shoulders, looked warily back at the Stargate and then started down one of the paths.
"Jack!" Daniel said suddenly, pointing ahead of them. In the distance, Jack could make out several forms of people. People with wings. People who, strangely enough, didn't even glance at them once.
"What's wrong with these people?" Jack demanded, denying the fact that he'd been like that a few days ago.
"There is nothing wrong with them." Yal sounded surprised.
"Why are they like *that* then?" Jack demanded, waving his gun in a careless motion towards them.
"They have been treated and are now being studied." Yal said simply.
"Oh." Jack didn't look entirely happy, the blank expressions and aimless wanderings of the women gave him an eerie feeling, a feeling of deja vu, and he didn't like it. At all.
"The Council Chambers are here." Yal announced to them.
"Ya think." Jack commented, his voice so low that only Daniel heard it. He couldn't help grinning as the archeologist rolled his eyes in disgust as they approached the massive white marble building.
"Is there any rituals or signs of respect we should know about?" Daniel asked suddenly, glancing at Yal who was starting to enter the building.
"The Len must be treated with a reverence. They are not a violent or unjust, but when angered they become..." Yal searched for the word.
"Touchy?" Daniel suggested.
"I do not..."
"How about we just don't get them angry." Jack suggested smoothly, earning a look of disbelief from Daniel and a raised eyebrow from Teal'C, both who knew him too well.
"Okay." Daniel shrugged and Yal turned to lead the way into the building.
* * *
"This is most unusual."
"It should not have happened!"
"I know. It is, however, unheard of for this situation to have arisen."
"It does not matter! It has happened and now they are here."
"They do not appear to be angered or dangerous."
"They are armed."
"Perhaps in self defense?"
"Against what?"
"They enter."
* * *
"So...where are they?" Jack asked a minute after they had walked into the completely bare room.
"They will come. Patience." Yal cautioned, his voice low and filled with respect.
"Yal...are they...human?" Daniel asked hesitantly.
"Of course!" Yal exclaimed, his voice rising in volume.
"One would have thought you had learned respect, Yal." An ethereal voice reached their ears.
"Len Maya!" Yal whispered in reverence, dropping to his knees. Jack turned to face the Len, and nearly cracked up.
"You're a 'Len'?" He blurted out, unable to stop himself.
"You would be wise to show respect, stranger." Maya said coolly.
"I'm sorry...I think he was expecting something...different." Daniel interjected, using his usual respectful, sorry in intrude but we're peaceful explorers....tone of voice.
"By what is that you are called?" Maya questioned, a little more tolerance appearing on the expressionless face.
"My name is Daniel Jackson, Daniel." Daniel hesitated, unsure how to approach Maya.
"I am Len Maya." Maya stated.
"I am honoured to meet you..."
"But?" The Len picked up on his slight hesitation.
"What exactly is a Len?" Daniel couldn't help but ask.
"Do you not have Len where you come from?" Maya was surprised.
"No...we don't...we have leaders who are elected..."
"Daniel!" Jack interrupted, his impatience growing.
"I have warned you." The Len turned to Jack again, warning flashing in the grey eyes.
"So sorry." Jack snapped back sarcastically.
"Jack, I thought you said we weren't going to get them angry." Daniel shot a look at Jack.
"Okay." Jack held up his hands in defeat. "Just get to the point." He added.
"You have Jaffa in your midst." Another voice reached them. "I am Len Cal."
"Honoured I'm sure." Jack said dryly, earning another glare from Daniel.
"I have warned you for the last time." Maya said calmly to Jack, her eyes unflinching as she gazed at him.
"Maya...your patience..." Cal admonished.
"This man...Jack...does not show proper respect as is courtesy." Maya pointed out.
"Circumstances are different, Maya. You yourself pointed that out when she first arrived."
"Sorry to interrupt, Len Maya, Len Cal, but we have a little problem." Daniel swallowed.
"Which would be?" Len Cal waited, approaching them slowly.
"One of our friends, Sam, spent some time with you guys...and she had a little work done on her. She's now got a pair of wings attached to her back." Daniel explained.
"I do not understand. Why is this a problem?" Len Maya seemed confused.
"Major Carter would much prefer for her to returned to her normal self, even though she has said the wings offer a most enjoyable experience." Teal'C answered for them.
"It is strange that you bring this request to us." Len Cal seemed quite amused.
"Well...we thought that seeing as you were the ones who gave her the wings..."
"We would be the ones to remove them?" Cal smiled slightly at Daniel's nod. "Why bring her to us when you have the technology to remove them yourself?" He asked bluntly.
"Uh...well...Janet said that she might be damaged..." Daniel hesitated.
"Would not your sarcophagus then heal it?" Cal looked mildly curious now.
"We don't have a sarcophagus." Daniel stated, surprised. "Oh no!" He breathed out, holding his hands up in denial suddenly. "We're not Go'auld..." He stated.
"Yet you have Jaffa...and your woman friend...the one who was punished...had once been a host." Cal said calmly.
"Well...Teal'C abandoned Apophis's service because he wants to free his people, and Sam was only a host because a To'Kra used her for a short while as a host." Daniel explained.
"To'Kra? Is that not 'Resistance?'"
"Yeah. They're the same species as the Go'auld, only not evil. They fight for the freedom and only take willing hosts and have a symbiotic relationship with them. They share the same body..." Daniel explained.
"I understand." Cal narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. "And you say that your friend.."
"Sam." Jack interrupted suddenly. "Her name is Sam."
"I have warned you enough!" Maya raised her hand suddenly.
"You know what, I'm kinda sick of you lot. First you turn me and Sam into zombies and take away our memories, then you take her away from me and give her wings. Now you want to punish me for telling you what her name is?" Jack snapped at the shorter woman.
"Maya, please." Cal said warningly. "It will do no one any good if you were to harm him. Please understand, Jack, we meant you and Sam no harm." He said simply.
"Then why, for crying out loud?" Jack demanded.
"You were sent to us to be punished, and punish you we did. It is not up to us to decide whether or not you should be punished, that is up to those who sent you to be punished." Cal explained cryptically.
"So what you're saying is that these people on that other planet just send all their criminals or anyone else they want to sacrifice for some reason, through the gate to you lot and you just brainwash them without checking to see if they're innocent?"
"Yes."
"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" Jack bit out. "We didn't do anything. They just drugged us and the next thing I know..." Jack trailed off, seeing Daniel's look.
"Okay. Look. I'm sorry about Jack being rude to you, but is there anyway for you to held Sam?" Daniel asked with a sigh.
"I do not know. We have to talk to the other Len, mainly the Len Creators." Cal said slowly.
"What do you think?" Daniel asked softly.
"I do not know. It has never been done. But then, never has one recovered from the treatment as Jack so obviously has, and never has one left here of their own will or been with child when given wings." Cal shrugged. "There is much we do not know." He added simply.
"Would you talk to them please?" Daniel requested.
"We will. It is the least we could do for the damage done to you by us. For this wrongful punishing we are most truly apologetic. We will send Teachers to the worlds immediately and make sure that this does not occur again." Cal agreed, leaving the room with Maya.
"Well that went just swell." Jack sighed.
Daniel rolled his eyes.
* * *
"Janet...where's Daniel?" Sam appeared holding the baby close to her.
"What do you mean where's Daniel?" Janet turned to Sam in surprise. "They went off-world about 5 hours ago already."
"They did?" Sam blinked in surprise. "Oh. Why?"
"Didn't anyone tell you?" Janet realised, anger showing on her features.
"Obviously not. Where did they go?"
"They went to Yal's world..."
"How?" Sam interrupted. "We don't have the address." She reminded Janet.
"The Colonel knew it." Janet admitted. "He was talking to Daniel and it came up, so General Hammond gave them permission and they left."
She froze. He left her behind. He left her behind without even telling her he was going. How could he? How could he just leave her like that? Sam swallowed, forcing herself to breathe. He could leave her just like that because she was his 2IC. He was her CO. There was no need for him to tell her *anything*, much less about a mission she couldn't go on for a few very big reasons.
"Sam? Sam..." Janet looked at Sam's strained face, feeling anger at the Colonel rise in her. As quickly as the anger rose it faded. It wasn't just his fault, it was Sam's fault too, for not talking about it with him. She sighed slightly, reaching over to touch her friend's shoulder. "Sam, are you okay honey?" She asked, dropping her Dr. act.
"Yeah, I'm fine Janet. Honest." Sam said blankly, forcing a smile up at Janet. She couldn't be anything else. Anything else would mean she cared, and she wasn't allowed to care. She couldn't care. She wouldn't let herself care.
"Are you sure?" Janet hated the way a mask seemed to drop over Janet's eyes.
"Of course. I said I was, didn't I?" Sam snapped, standing up again and clutching the baby to her chest.
"But..." Janet started off.
"I'm fine, Dr. Fraiser." Sam's eyes turned icy as she stood, her back stiff and rigid.
"Of course." Janet knew it was futile. Sam and Jack could be as stubborn as anything. Janet didn't think she'd met anyone more stubborn. This stubbornness was either going to make or break them, and Janet sincerely thought it would break them. She hoped it that before that happened one of them backed down, preferably both of them.
"I'm off then." Sam turned to go.
"Sam." Janet pleaded. Sam paused, catching back a sob in her throat. It would be so easy to cry about it, so easy to tell Janet about it, to admit how she felt. Sam squared her shoulders. She couldn't. It was as simple as that. She couldn't do that to him...she couldn't do that to herself. Admit it was all one sided and wrong. Biting down on her tongue Sam walked out of the infirmary, her head held high.
* * *
"Welcome back, SG-1." General Hammond watched them expectantly, deciding that the slump of Jack's shoulders and the tight lines of worry on Daniel's face were not good.
When he didn't get a response from anyone except Teal'C (Who nodded his head as usual), he really began to get a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"Debriefing is in five minutes." He ordered, unable to delay the suspense much longer.
No one even acknowledged that he'd spoken.
* * *
"No Sir, I don't want her to do that!" Jack yelled, banging his fist on the desk. Sam stood outside, feeling guilty for eavesdropping but unable to help herself.
"Colonel, it's not up to you!" General Hammond pointed out, his tone biting.
"I don't care! I will not have her cut open and an attempt being made just because they're not exactly sure what they're doing!"
"Why not, Colonel?"
"Because...because, if she dies, who looks after the kid?" Jack threw back, wincing when he realised how that had sounded
Sam gasped, her hand going up to her mouth. She was right. He didn't care about her, or about their son. Her son. Standing tall and straight she turned around and left, deciding that she'd ask Daniel later - if she felt like it - what exactly had happened.
"I beg your pardon?" General Hammond was shocked into disgust. Daniel sent a look towards Jack that he had never even used before. Teal'C looked at his friend with disbelief.
Jack closed his eyes and sat down, holding his head in his hands.
"I don't want her to do it. General." He punctuated the last word by looking up, his eyes tired and haunted. "Please. If anything happens to Carter..." He trailed off, looking down at the desk again. It wasn't the same wood as the General's, not quite as impressive looking or as expensive, but still pretty damn good looking.
"Colonel. What are our options?" General Hammond knew what Jack meant, he knew what the man wasn't allowed to say or feel. He knew that Jack loved Sam because he'd seen that love, and so had everyone else, and that's why everything was falling apart.
"We don't have any, Sir." Jack whispered, his hands shaking with grief.
"Yes we do Jack." Daniel interrupted calmly, watching Jack with a sense of wonder. Suddenly everything had fallen into place. This whole...situation....had started because both Sam and Jack were doing something neither one of them had done before. They were running away. Running from a confrontation because there were so many reasons and risks that could turn that confrontation sour. Both of them chose not to risk themselves, because if their risks had been fruitless they would both be destroyed.
"What? Either those SOB's cut her up, try and get rid of the bird bits, sew her up and hope her stuffing's still intact, or we leave her looking like the product of someone's over active imagination." Jack said bluntly, not sparing his sarcasm.
"Colonel, that's enough." General Hammond snapped. This was hard enough on everybody, but Jack couldn't be allowed to get away with anything else.
Jack glared at his CO, but kept his mouth shut.
"We haven't even tried the Tollan's or the To'Kra or even the Nox." Daniel pointed out, his voice gentle.
"Yes you did." Jack argued, remembering Lya and the Tollan's examining him at one stage.
"No. We got them in to try and help you...they haven't seen Sam yet or heard that anything's wrong with her I'll be willing to bet." Daniel explained. Jack looked up, his eyes dull.
"What makes you think they can fix it? Those bastards that did this to her don't even know how to fix it." Jack stated.
"So? The Nox can raise dead people...the Tollans probably can too...they remove Go'auld from people." Daniel counter argued.
"Enough." General Hammond sighed. "I'll get in contact with them and see if any more options are offered. Once that's done we'll give Major Carter her options and she can make the choice." Jack glared, knowing full well that the last remark was directed right at him.
* * *
"What are you doing?" Daniel's voice intruded roughly, startling her from her thoughts. She turned to face him, hoping the dim light in her room would hide her red eyes and pale cheeks from his caring glances.
"I'm tidying up." She lied, turning away from him.
"Liar." She could hear the smile in his voice. "Where do you intend on going?" He asked her gently, flicking her main light on and casting it's bright glow over everything.
"I don't know. Anywhere I guess..." Sam looked down at the pair of socks in her hands.
"Like? There's no where you can go to on the surface." He reminded her. Angrily she flapped the wings, the strong gust of air blowing some shirts off the bed.
"Don't you think I know that?" She nearly yelled at him. It wasn't him she was angry at. He didn't deserve this. "Sorry." She apologised, turning away when she felt a tear threaten to slide down her cheek again.
"It's okay Sam." He told her gently, taking her resisting body into a hug. She stood for a minute, refusing to let him hug her, but then she sank into it gratefully, hugging him back desperately. He wasn't Jack though. The ache in her wasn't satisfied by the hug, it wasn't even touched. He was Daniel. He was her friend.
She forced a smile onto her face, a sad one albeit, but a smile none-the-less.
"Why are you packing?" He asked again.
"I was going to ask the General if I could go off world for a few days..." She said softly, her voice trailing off at his look.
"To where?" He asked gently.
"I don't know. To'Kra maybe." She shrugged. "Maybe even with Cimmera."
"Why?"
"I need to get away for a while Daniel. I need fresh air, just some time to think." She avoided the truth like it was a plague.
"What about the baby?" Daniel winced as he asked that. It had been over a week since Sam and Jack had recovered, which made it nearly two weeks since the baby's birth, and he still didn't have a name. Neither Sam or Jack seemed willing to discuss it.
"I don't know. I was thinking maybe Janet could baby-sit for a while. Cassie's like that, I'm sure of it." Sam tried to smile.
"Where is he now?" Daniel asked.
"Who?"
"The baby."
"Infirmary." Sam admitted, embarrassed. "I can't look after it Daniel, I don't know how."
"Sure you do. You're just scared, that's all." Daniel realised they were a bad choice of words before they left his mouth, but he couldn't stop them.
She glanced at him, anger in her eyes. It faded as she looked down at her feet, ashamed.
"I'm not cut out to be a Mom, Daniel." She sighed, turning back to her packing. "If I'm stuck with these," She spat the word out, flinging her wings out angrily again and knocking a few bottles of a shelf, "for the rest of my life, I can't ever see the kid anyway. Imagine what a toddler with no discretion could say? 'Oh, my Mommy's got wings. She flies around in the sky and takes me for rides'." Sam put on a baby's voice.
"Sam..."
"Don't deny it Daniel. There's no hope, I'm stuck with them for the rest of my life." Sam sighed, refusing to let herself cry.
"Not necessarily..."
"Daniel, stop being so goddam optimistic all the time. Sometimes it's needed, but when there's no hope it just makes matters worse, okay?" Sam ground out, battling to keep her voice level.
"I'm sorry Sam...but..."
"I don't want to hear it, okay Daniel?" Sam turned her back on him, zipping her bag shut firmly.
"Sam..."
"Shut up Daniel." She ordered, walking out of the room in a huff.
* * *
I can't look after it Daniel, I don't know how.
I'm not cut out to be a Mom, Daniel. The words taunted him. He heard her say them, he'd heard the anger in her voice. The bitterness. She hated him. He'd burdened her with a child she didn't want, he'd allowed her to be 'stolen' from him. Because of him her life was destroyed, her career. Even if they could get rid of the wings, both of their military careers were over because of the broken regulations and the child.
The child.
The child didn't even have a name, damnit. It was just 'the baby', or 'it', or 'him'. Never once a name. Oh, he had a million suggestions floating around in his head.
Jacob. Maybe Thomas. Daniel? What about Stephen? He'd always like the name David, but then again...Mark maybe?
He shook his head. No. It wasn't his place to go around spouting names to her. Hell, if they weren't even on speaking terms anymore there wasn't much of a chance that she was going to sit and discuss baby names with him over a cup coffee.
The image came unbidden to his mind. Sam, pregnant. Sam, laughing at his jokes. Sam, holding a baby, their baby. Sam, scared and looking to him for protection. Sam, loving him.
Loving him. Had she ever loved him? He'd told her he loved her. Did she remember? Did she believe him? Did she love him?
Maybe it would do them good if she left for a while...No. He didn't want her to go, but he had no right to keep her here, less right now than he had before. What he wouldn't give to have things the way they once were. SG-1, the way it used to be.
Colonel Jonathan O'Neill, USAF, Commanding Officer of SG-1, 2IC to Major General Hammond of the SGC.
Dr. Major Samantha Carter, USAF, Ph.D. Astro Physics, 2IC to Colonel Jonathan O'Neill, Commanding Officer of SG-1.
Dr. Daniel Jackson, civilian, under the command of Colonel Jonathan O'Neill, Commanding Officer of SG-1.
Teal'C, ex-first prime of Apophis, under the command of Colonel Jonathan O'Neill, Commanding Officer of SG-1.
Why couldn't things be that simple anymore? 4 People. 1 team. A quarter each, a whole together. A unit. A synchronised unit that worked together efficiently. Four different quantities merging together to produce the best damn SG team the SGC had ever known and was ever likely to know.
He sighed, throwing a scrunched up ball of paper at the bin and missing. Once he used to get that shot every single damn time. Now he couldn't get it once. The litter around the empty bin just proved that.
He didn't deserve to be happy, and he had to accept that.
* * *
"Permission to retrieve Major Carter, Sir?" Colonel O'Neill asked, his voice dull.
"Granted." General Hammond nodded, hiding his concern. Jack O'Neill was falling apart. Everything about the man spoke of it. He never slept anymore, as far as everyone was aware. He lived on a mixture of coffee and alcohol, according to Daniel, and Teal'C said that he spent all his spare hours punching the crap out of a boxing bag or a new recruit. The gym had to replace two bags already, due to wear and tear.
"Janet?" Jack turned to the Dr. who was also at the debriefing, eyeing her hopefully. "Would you mind my kid for me for a few days?"
"Sure." Janet nodded, wishing Sam was here.
"Thanks." Jack looked at the General tiredly.
"Dismissed. Be geared up and ready to go in an hour." The General commanded.
"Yes Sir." Jack and Janet both stood, closely followed by Teal'C and Daniel as they left the room.
* * *
She often sat here on this rock. She knew now why Kendra had found it so peaceful. The green trees, the sound of the creek in the distance, the smell of the grass beneath her.
"Samantha?" In the distance she heard Gerwyn call. Deciding to ignore the woman for a while longer, she continued to sit still, debating whether or not to move and hide in a tree. No one was stupid, they all knew she hid sometimes when she didn't want their attention or when she wanted to think.
That had been nearly all the time at first. When she'd gotten here, she's felt purposeless. She'd had no generator to tinker with, no new physics law to re-write, nothing really puzzling to sink her teeth into. Instead of the peace she'd hoped she'd find, she found herself drawing more and more into herself, pushing her problems deeper and deeper into her.
Now she could quite easily use the Go'auld healing device. Heck, she could control her own emotions, this was like a piece of cake. Slowly she'd taken over Kendra's role as Healer. A horn had been rigged up, so all Sam had to do when she heard the horn being blown was fly to the village and they'd tell her where to go. Her wings made it easy; she'd soar above the trees until she caught sight of the person needing her help, go down, work her 'magic', and then fly back to the hut that used to belong to Kendra.
At first she'd been the object of curious children's spying attempts. Her wings and withdrawn manner had intrigued them, she'd been a mystery each one was dying to solve.
Now she spent her days just sitting and thinking. Remembering really, that wasn't thinking. Thinking was solving problems, musing and wondering how things could be changed. Remembering was just running scenes from your past through your mind, like a movie. Unchangeable, predictable, and the past. It was 'fairly' safe ground.
She'd avoided thinking about Him at first, only letting her thoughts dwell on Mark, his kids, her Mom, her Dad, her childhood, the Military. Finally they crept to Daniel, Teal'C, Janet, General Maybourne, Selmak, Kowalsky and eventually she had allowed herself to remember Him.
Now she rarely thought about anyone else. She wondered about their son. What was his name? Had he said anything yet? Did he have a tooth? Who was looking after him?
When she thought about Jack it was reliving every moment spent with him, the good and the bad. Remembering every small touch, every stolen kiss during that time when things had gone bad, and every smarting word he'd ever said to her after.
She'd been here a long time now, the days, weeks and months had all run together. It was only supposed to be for a few weeks, a month at best. They would come for her soon, and then she'd have to confront it. Or run. Maybe she'd go back to Yal's world. She remembered it was nice.
Her wings moved slightly in the breeze. She stilled them, finding the movement irritating. Her wings. It felt strange, thinking that. Sometimes the thought filled her with joy, a pure ecstasy and marvel that she, Samantha Carter, had wings. She could fly, she could feel the cold air in her face, she could race the birds, she could soar on the thermals. Times like now, she hated them. She hated what they'd taken from her. Her life. Her career. She couldn't walk on earth again, not unless the whole world became aware of aliens and a few other species migrated to earth. Why her? And why these stupid big white things that seemed to get dirty and itchy quicker than Jack O'Neill could find trouble.
* * *
"She does not want to be found." Gerwyn said simply when Sam didn't appear.
"Why not?" Jack asked bluntly.
"I do not know. She spends most of her time where Kendra did."
"Where's that?"
"I can show you." Gerwyn volunteered. "She might not be there." She cautioned as
they started the trek.
"How is she?" Daniel asked softly, earning a slight smile from Gerwyn.
"She has changed. There is much sadness in her." Gerwyn admitted. "But she does not speak of it. She hardly speaks unless a response is required."
"Oh." Daniel swallowed, glancing at Jack and knowing that Gerwyn was wondering why Jack looked like he did.
"She is there." Gerwyn announced a short while later, drawing to a stand still.
"Well?" Daniel looked at Jack.
"Well what?" Jack shot back. One thing about Jack was still going strong, his sarcasm. It was worse than ever, Daniel decided.
"Aren't you going to talk to her?"
"Why should I? We all came to get her." Jack denied.
"We're not all the..." Daniel trailed off, realising that he shouldn't go talking in front of Gerwyn.
"What do you want me to say to her?" Jack whipped around, glaring at Daniel.
"Tell her the truth. About the kid...about you...about her wings." Daniel suggested pointedly.
"How Daniel? How do I talk to her?" Jack demanded, anger surfacing through his shell.
"Like you used to." Daniel shrugged simply.
"Things are different." Jack grimaced and turned, gathering his courage as he walked towards her.
Gerwyn was right, Jack realised with a start. She had changed. She wasn't sitting up straight, she was slumping. Sam Carter never slouched. He watched as the breeze tugged at her wings, she seemed to snap them back together in irritation. She was upset. About what?
She sighed; he could see her expel the air. Slowly she stretched, starting to stand. Her hair was long. Hell, it had been six months since he'd seen her last, and he was willing to bet it had been nearly a year and half since she'd had a haircut, so of course her hair was going to be long.
She opened her wings slowly, he realised she was going to fly off. Fly away again. He had to let her go, he had to stop loving her because she didn't love him.
"Sam." He called out before he could stop himself. Her body froze in shock, rigid and stiff as she turned to look at him, her face a mask, unreadable.
She didn't answer, she just stood and watched him, her eyes open and wide, as startled as a deer caught in the headlights.
His heart lurched when he realised how thin she was, how fragile she suddenly looked. He took a step closer, unable to stop himself. He was on automatic, his body was out of his control.
He was there. Standing in front of her. Walking towards her. Him. Jack O'Neill. The man she loved but shouldn't love. A noise escaped her throat involuntarily, a cross between a cry and moan, a strangled sound. Her hand flew to her mouth, shaking. She knew they'd come soon...but not yet. She wasn't ready to go back yet, to face her fate.
"Carter." His voice was rough. Everything about him was rough, she realised. He wasn't completely shaven, the stubble covering his throat made him look wild, untamable. He had always been lean, but now...there wasn't any spare flesh on the man...none. Dark circles ringed his restless eyes and new lines spoke of a tension. He stepped closer again, moving towards her.
"No." She whispered, stepping back. She wasn't ready. Not now. Not yet. Probably never.
"Damnit Carter!" He snapped, hundreds of different emotions playing across his face, the contorted muscles speaking of the effort to control them. None of them were readable to her. None.
"No." She repeated, louder this time. He heard her, the stunned expression on his face told her so.
"You have to come home Major." The rank mocked her, betrayed and dirtied everything they had together.
"I..." She shook her head, panicked as she stumbled backwards, trying to run from him.
"Damnit it Sam, don't you care about anything except yourself anymore?" His words confused her. What was he talking about?
He saw her confusion and continued, his anger at her fear and panic rising and taking over. He didn't know how to react to her, anger seemed to safest and easiest way at the moment. "Don't you care about our Son. About your son?" He saw the shock on her face, the sudden expression of loathing.
She felt sick. She'd abandoned them. Both of them. She hadn't meant for that to happen, but what else could she do? She couldn't burden her child with a secret like herself. How could he even begin to understand?
'She doesn't.' He realised, shocked. 'She doesn't care. She wants to run.' I'm not cut out to be a Mom, Daniel. The words taunted him. She didn't want a son. She didn't want his son. She didn't want him.
He stepped closer to her, the anger in him raging out of control. How could she? How could she just run like that and leave everything?
She saw his anger, and she was scared. She'd never seen him so angry. He must hate her. No more than she hated herself for forcing him into this situation, giving him a son he didn't want and a mar on the military records that would probably cause them both to lose their careers. He hated her, and his hate was powerful, more powerful than his love.
"No." She cried, turning around and running. Her feet lifted off the ground and she flew away, leaving behind her problems, avoiding them for another hour, another day at best. She'd have to go back. She was in more than enough trouble already, adding to it wasn't really going to make matters much worse, but it wasn't going to make them any better either. But for now, let her blessed wings take away for one more time.
* * *
"What did you say to her?" Daniel demanded.
"Nothing... I just... I don't know." Jack stuttered, disbelief slowing his movements.
Daniel watched Jack, noticing the way he seemed stunned, his movements sluggish.
"What happened Jack?" Daniel spoke again, reaching over and taking Jack by his shoulders. He'd never seen Jack so completely... shocked, if that was the word for it. Jack was always in control, always had a witty remark, always kept his wits about him. Not this time.
"She... She..." Jack blinked, gathering his steamrollered thoughts and stiffening. Daniel took the hint and let go of the tense shoulders, his blue eyes still worried searching Jack's for a sign of what had happened.
"Jack?" Daniel was more than concerned now.
"She disobeyed a direct order." Jack bit out, his voice calming as he gained control of himself. "Let's find her and go."
* * *
They were waiting for her, like she'd known they would. Silently she walked towards the small campfire next to the 'Gate. Stilling her audible breathing she approached, her legs screaming their protests. The wings had softened her, she hardly walked anymore. Why walk when you could fly? The slight ascent tired her and angered her. So much had changed.
"O'Neill." Teal'C's whisper was hardly loud enough to be heard, but Jack heard it. "Someone approaches."
"Carter?"
"They walk."
Jack felt the pang go through him. It was obvious to everyone Sam didn't walk much, the muscles on her back and shoulders seemed large compared to her thin legs. Not out of proportion, just large because they knew. They knew she had wings and used them.
He readied his gun, briefly wondering why the smooth feel of the cold metal beneath his fingers didn't give him the same sense of security it did before. Why he didn't feel as in control or confident anymore?
Because he wasn't in control. He'd lost all measure of self confidence when she'd rejected him. Rejected everything he was, and because she'd taken that part of him and thrown it away, he was damaged, changed, different. He was less than whole.
"Who's there?" He called out, hiding the tremour of fear in his voice.
"Carter." She called out, holding her breath.
"Oh."
'Well don't sound excited or anything then.' Daniel thought to himself sarcastically. "Sam!" He provided the happiness to see her.
Sam blinked back her tears furiously. Six months. Only Daniel was happy to see her. And Teal'C, judging by the nod he gave her and the small, barely visible smile touching his lips.
"Hi." She whispered hesitantly, glancing around to where Jack was standing. Their eyes met for a minute, and she thought she glimpsed something in their depths, a sadness maybe. But it was gone, and she only saw the hardness there, the anger that she was so used to seeing. But, what hurt the most, was the disgust obvious to everyone. She turned away, unable to bear the shame of his rightful accusation. She had no right to love him, her CO.
"Now that we're all here, let's move out." The tone was civil, at the most. There was no sarcasm or malicious sounds to the words, but they cut into her deeply. She had disappointed him.
* * *
"What took you so long, SG-1?" General Hammond called down to the four people as they stepped through the wormhole. A jolt went through him as he realised it was over a year ago since the four of them had returned together from a mission. He was getting soft in his old age, he reprimanded himself and forcing the thoughts away.
"Sorry Sir, Major Carter just decided to go for a little joyride, or should that be flight, Major?" Jack turned to her, his eyes sending her daggers.
She cringed, falling back behind Teal'C and Daniel, searching for their protection. It was given to her unconditionally, and for that, she loved them.
Hammond kept his face neutral as he observed the display. Once, the Major would have clenched her jaw and stormed off after her CO, determined to get the problem sorted out. The shameful acceptance of his treatment, the submissiveness, it was a sign, a symptom of the main problem. Both were scared, both were hurt, and both were lost. The only way for this to be solved was for them to talk, but neither of them would. Talking would lead them to uncharted ground, a place where they would lose not only each other, but themselves too.
Daniel forced himself to be quiet. Jack was an adult. He could deal with his own life and solve his own problems. He took care of his own child, he treated the kid as though it was the most important thing he had. And, Daniel realised, it was the most important thing Jack had. It was his only link, his only tie to Sam, one neither of them could deny or break, and it was this child that would get them together.
Gently he placed his hand on Sam's arm and guided her away from all the curious, pity filled stares that she was receiving.
* * *
If you thought that tension thick enough to cut with a knife was bad, Hammond thought as he entered the debriefing room, a chainsaw wouldn't get through this lot.
The four members of SG-1 (Currently off duty), were all seated around the table. So Sam and Jack's chairs were occupied again, but not by their proper 'owners'. Sam and Teal'C had swapped places so that Daniel now sat opposite Jack and next to Sam, and Teal'C sat next to Jack. That way the two officers wouldn't have to 'obviously' try and avoid looking at each other.
"Welcome back, SG-1." He repeated, but not getting any responses. It had been a bad choice of words. They weren't all back yet, things weren't normal.
"Sir, with all due respect, could we get on with this? I have to get home, you know." Jack looked impatient, eager to leave.
Sam refused to let herself cry. Of course he wanted to get away from her as quickly as possible. If she was in his position, she'd probably do the same. But it still hurt. More than she'd ever thought possible.
"Colonel." The warning was acid on Jack's wounds. Didn't anybody realise how much he was hurting? He'd had his heart torn out and crushed by this woman in front of him, and everyone was angry at him. He forced his anger down, showing remarkable strength to himself. All he wanted to do was leave. Leave the SGC, he was sick of it. Sick of the pain, the memories, the looks, the impending court marshal. The only good thing that had come out of this place was Sam...not anymore, but it had been. Now he only had his son.
He wanted to get home, to his son, and go away. To the mountains. He'd show his son the cabin he'd wanted to show Sam, he watch his son's eyes light up with joy when they saw the sunrise. They were Sam's eyes. The only part of her he'd seemed to inherit. Whenever he looked at him, he saw her there, lurking in his depths. Maybe he'd call him Samuel, Sam for short. 'That's got to be a new one,' He snorted to himself mentally, 'Naming your son after his mother.'
"Okay, Major. We've got a few options for you." The General started out gently, shooting Jack another warning look as an odd expression crossed his face. "First up, the offer from the Len still stand."
They watched her face carefully, scrutinising it for any detail that might give them a clue as to how she was feeling.
"The Tollan believe that if they apply the same technique they use when they remove a Go'auld, itmightwork, given that the nerves are in the same area of the brain where the Go'auld normally infests a person."
She swallowed, forcing her face to stay blank. No solutions. All high risks. Why couldn't they offer her more of a chance? Why were they forcing her to stay like this?
"The Nox say they can't do anything, it's not their way to mess around with bodies." The General continued. "And you already know the To'Kra are only a little better off than we are." He completed the briefing.
They watched her expectantly, waiting. Her face was unreadable to them as her thoughts raced around. Risk it or not? Stay as she is and lose her life on earth, or risk it and maybe lose her identity?
"Major?" The General asked kindly, waiting for an answer.
"Could I have some time to think about it? Please?" She asked, keeping her voice face neutral, expressionless. She worried them. She'd never hid her emotions like this before; she'd always shown what she was thinking in those expressive blue eyes that now had a filter over them. They only showed what she wanted them to show. It was a skill that scared Daniel.
"Of course, Major. Take as much time as you need. You're all still on down time until then. Dismissed." General Hammond needed to get out; he needed to escape from the tension. He left the room abruptly, followed closely by Jack who turned the other way down the corridor and disappeared around the corner.
* * *
"So they brought you back then?" Janet smiled, trying to earn a response from Sam who had been sent to get a check up.
"Yeah." Sam agreed, not really paying attention to the Dr.
"Do you want to see him?" Janet asked gently, suspecting what was wrong.
"Who?" Sam played innocent, but the fact that she was now looking at Janet gave her away.
"Your son, Sam." Janet smiled gently at the confused woman.
"Yeah, that'd be good." Sam admitted. She shouldn't be agreeing. She'd been trying to convince herself from the beginning that she was an inadequate mother, that she wasn't cut out for motherhood, that the kid was better off without her. It hurt less, if that was possible, the less the thought about it. Being back here, seeing Jack...it brought back so many memories. She wished things were different. Even if everything had been the same excepting her wings, then things would be better. She could have her son then, and not deprive him of anything.
"He's at my place. I've talked to the General and he's agreed that if you keep a low profile - meaning, wear a huge blanket or something and avoid public areas - you can come home for a while." Janet offered.
"He did?"
"Yeah."
"He shouldn't have. It's not a sound military decision." Sam said monotonously. For the General to be making reckless decisions for her was ironical. She's strove to keep the regulations, the force away what she was feeling, because of the military. Now the General was brushing them aside... She didn't know anymore.
"He's a human first, Sam." Janet pointed out gently. "It's not right to keep a mother from her child, and he knows that."
"I may have given birth Janet, but I stopped being that kids mother the day I left." Sam smiled bitterly, a twisted smile.
"If that's so true why are you pining for him?"
The question went both ways. She was pining for her son; she was pining for Jack. That summed it up. It was killing her, being away from the both, killing her so slowly. She had no choice really, but to die from grief and longing. Circumstances had made that decision for her.
"Can I just see him Janet? Once more?" She begged. Her decision was made, Janet saw that in her eyes. What it was, Sam wasn't willing to discuss yet, but the decision was there.
"Sure. We can leave as soon as we finish here." Janet agreed, wisely deciding not to say anything.
* * *
"Where are you going, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'C surprised Daniel.
"I'm going to find Jack and talk some sense into the idiot." Daniel explained.
"And how do you intend on doing this, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'C probed, not needing any explanation. He may be a Jaffa, and alien among the earthlings, but some things were universal, including love. Jack O'Neill was in love. In love with Samantha Carter. Samantha Carter was in love. In love with Jack O'Neill. Teal'C grieved for his friends, they could not see what they searched so hard for. Daniel Jackson was right. O'Neill needed to be talked to.
"I don't know. He's off base at the moment. I'm guessing he's gone home. I intend to pay him a visit." Daniel realised he didn't really have a very good strategy. "Want to join me?" He asked casually. If things got rough it would be nice to have Teal'C's bulk on his side.
"Indeed." Teal'C agreed, turning to go and collect his 'civilian' disguise.
* * *
"Jack!" She exclaimed excitedly, reaching over for a hug.
"Hey Cass." He greeted her, returning the hug warmly. It hurt seeing Cassie, because he was reminded of Sam's love for the little girl. He hid it though, letting his own affection show through instead.
"You come for your kid?" She asked, putting on a fake voice and pose.
"Sure have. You gonna get him or do I have to get him?" Jack played along with her. It was so easy to pretend, taking on a new character. The man he was playing now wasn't the real Jack O'Neill. It was just some copy, not as good as the first. The first Jack O'Neill, the original, had nearly died when Charlie had, but he'd been pulled from the brink by a suicide mission and the making of a friend, Daniel. Things had been okay, he'd lost the urge to kill himself, but he'd remained buried, like he should have buried the gate on Abydos.
Then Sam had come along, and everything had changed. Life had taken on meaning, and bit by bit that sweet smelling breeze that soothed away his aches had uncovered him, rescuing him. Now the only thread that was keeping the real Jack O'Neill alive was his son. His nameless, motherless son.
"I'll get him. You can grab a drink if you want, Mom should be home soon." Cassie chattered as she ran ahead of him.
Jack was tempted to take a drink, a strong drink, but avoided it, knowing that if he did and an accident happened because of him, he'd never forgive himself.
"No thanks. I'll just wait here." Jack shook his head, remaining in the doorway. Cassie appeared five minutes later, her arms holding the baby expertly. Janet had taught her well, Jack grinned to himself despite the heaviness of his heart. It was a nice feeling, to realise you could still smile at the joyful innocence of children. When people stopped doing that, the world wouldn't be worth saving.
"Where you going?" Cassie asked curiously when he made no move to hang around for a while.
"I was thinking of taking my kid up to my cabin." Jack stated, deciding someone should know where he was headed off to. "If your Mom asks, tell her I've gone there, okay?" He checked with Cassie.
"How long you going for?" She asked suspiciously.
Cassie was a bright kid. She knew that there was something wrong between him and Sam, she didn't by everyone's excuses that Sam had gone to 'visit' her Dad.
"I don't know. A week, maybe. Depends on the weather. I'll be back before long, don't worry." He promised, cursing himself. Now he couldn't just stay away, he'd told Cassie he'd be back and he'd never break a promise to her. Never. Not like Sam. Sam who'd said she'd never leave Cassie. Ha. That was a joke. Sam left everyone. She just ran away.
"Oh. You going now?" She was disappointed. She hadn't been seeing as much of Jack as she'd like too, and he was slightly disappointed to. But he had to go. Just in case...just in case what? In case Sam wanted to take his son. He had no right to keep his son from Sam, but if she wanted him he just wanted to spend some time with his kid before he was gone for good.
"Yeah. I don't really want to drive in the dark for too long." Jack lied, stepping backwards as if it would soften the lie, make if kinder somehow. He was betraying Cassie by lying to her.
"Oh. Okay. I'll tell Mom." Cassie agreed, not happy but knowing she had no right to argue with Jack.
"Thanks. See ya Cassie."
"Bye Jack. Bye Jack's baby." It hurt when she said that, cut him to the bone that his son still didn't have a name. Soon, he promised himself, he'd decide on a name soon.
* * *
"You comfy?" Janet asked, glancing at Sam.
"Yeah." Sam lied. The way she was lying on the back seat in the car was really cramping her wings, but there was no other way.
"We're nearly there." Janet comforted, knowing full well that Sam was lying. "Cassie was baby sitting today." She conversed, not really expecting a response.
"She does it often?" Sam smiled, picturing Cassie. She hadn't seen Cassie in...nearly two years.
"No, not really." Janet admitted, surprising Sam.
"Oh. Do you take him everywhere with you?" Sam blinked. It hadn't occurred to her that the General might allow the baby on base, seeing as it couldn't really tell anyone anything remember any of it.
"No. Why would I?" Janet was confused as well now.
"Where does he stay then?" Sam was worried now. Who looked after her kid?
"With the Colonel of course. We only had him today and last night because he went to go and get you." Janet explained, realising Sam hadn't been expecting that when a shocked gasp was smothered.
He looked after their child. By himself. He cared for his son. More than she did. She could run off, just leaving the responsibility on his shoulders. How could she? She hated herself. More than she thought possible.
"Sam? You okay back there?"
"I'm fine." Sam lied again. Curiosity got the better of her. "What's his name?"
"Who's?"
"The baby's." Sam said eventually.
"He doesn't have one."
"Still?" The hopes crashed down. He hadn't named his son. He didn't want to add another tie. When she was little she'd named the puppies her dog had. When they were given away, it hurt more than anything. She'd learned that if you didn't name them then it was easier to let go, they weren't as individual or as intimately linked to you as if you had named them. He was going to give their son away.
"No." Janet said softly, wondering why Sam was so quiet. "We're here." She turned off the car and got out, glancing around furtively before she sprinted up the garden path to open the front door. "Quick!" She hissed as she ran back to the car and opened the door for Sam.
Sam fell out more than she climbed out, stiff and sore from her journey in the car. She looked around for a minute, breathing in the fume filled air. She never thought she'd miss the smell of pollution.
"Come on!" Janet hurried her inside, hiding her away from the rest of the world.
"Mom...SAM!" Cassie squealed, catching sight of her. The minute Cassie's arms were around her neck the little body pulled back in shock, fear on her eyes. Sam remembered Cassie looking at her like that once before. When Jolinaar had been in her.
"Hi." Sam pulled back as well, her eyes looking at the floor. Ashamed. She should have known she would have scared Cassie. Who wouldn't be scared when they suddenly saw someone they'd known for years reappear with wings on their back.
"Wow!" Cassie breathed, staring at Sam in wonder. "You have wings!" She exclaimed, awe in her eyes as she gazed up at Sam.
"Yeah. You noticed huh?" Janet felt a pang of hope flood through her. Sam sounded more like herself.
"Are they real?" The girl asked, suspecting a joke.
"Oh yeah." Sam allowed a dry smile to cross her lips. She'd missed Cassie. A lot. The girl she loved like a daughter...she wasn't a mother though, that thought wasn't really true. She couldn't be a mother. Ever. She'd given away that right when she'd abandoned her son.
"Where's the baby?" Janet interrupted, sensing Sam's sudden change for the better would be ruined if she allowed to brood over her wings for too long.
"Jack came and got him already. He's...Sam?" Cassie stared at Sam suspiciously when her already pale face drained of all it's colour.
"Sam...Sam...listen to me honey, calm down." Janet instructed as Sam started gasping for air, hacking noises that caught in the back of her throat.
"Sam?" Cassie cried out, fear lacing her movements.
"It's okay Cassie, it's only an anxiety attack. You know...you've had them sweety. Come on Sam...calm down. Breathe...breathe deeply. Good, come on Sam." Janet encouraged, keeping her voice calm and firm as she supported Sam.
Her son. He'd taken her son before she could get to him. He knew, he would have known she couldn't stay away. He knew her...and he took her son.
"I hate him!" Sam gasped, sinking onto the chair that had somehow come to be behind her.
"That's fine, while you're hating him put your head between your knees and breathe. Good Sam, just remember to breathe deeply." Janet instructed, worry now present on her face as she watched Sam struggling to breathe. "Cassie, would you get us some water please?" Janet asked, her eyes sending a pleading message to obey without question. Cassie understood and left the room, deciding to give her Mom time with Sam.
"Why Janet? Why did he do that?" Sam moaned into Janet's arms as her friend gave her an awkward hug.
"I don't know Sam. Maybe he was scared." Janet suggested.
"Scared? Jack O'Neill doesn't get scared Janet." Sam snorted. The tears were falling now, she couldn't stop them. All her effort, all her determination and energy had been wasted. Those six words had killed her.Jack came and got him already.Why? He hated her. He really did hate her. To think she'd hoped that he loved her, dreamt that he'd declared his love.
I love you Sam.
A lie; a dream; a wish that wouldn't ever come true.
"Yes he does Sam. He's scared and you know it." Janet chided, not letting Sam get away with what she'd put Jack through.
"Of what? That I'd sue him for giving me a child?" Sam tried to laugh.
"No. That you'd take the child away from." Janet said softly.
She tensed. Take the child from him? He didn't even want the child.
"He doesn't want it Janet." Sam shook her head.
"Why? He's been looking after your son for the last six months, by himself I might add." Janet scolded. "I know you have problems Sam, but you're going to have to talk to him sometime. You haven't even decided on a name for your son yet!"
"He doesn't want him Janet. If he did, our son would have a name right now."
"Do you want your son?" Janet shot back.
Sam's mouth fell open in shock. How dare Janet ask that? Of course she wanted her son. Why did Janet think she'd left? So that she'd have the courage to let her son go to someone who could raise him properly.
"Do you?" Janet demanded.
"Of course I want my son Janet!" Sam screamed, standing up and away from Janet.
"Then start acting like it!" Janet suggested calmly.
"What?" Sam blinked, confused. She was too tired of this. It was too much. So much easier to slip into oblivion and pretend nothing had ever happened. The thing was, it had happened, and this was the result.
"You say you want your son. You never named him, you ran off, you told Daniel you weren't cut out to be a mother." Janet listed. "Those acts don't really speak of motherly love, Sam."
Sam closed her eyes, forcing her pain away. Janet was right. But she was wrong too. Those acts were just that, an act. An act to help her keep her resolve strong. Now it was crumbling because she was seeing the acts for what they were, dismal attempts at denying the truth. She wanted her son. She wanted Jack O'Neill. She wanted his love.
She couldn't have it. Any of it.
"Sam, how are we supposed to know what's going on if you don't let us in?" Janet asked softly, approaching Sam slowly. "You hide everything. Even your smiles aren't real. What happened to you Sam? Why are you like this now, driving everyone away?" Janet whispered, touching Sam's shoulder.
"It's wrong, Janet." Sam murmured, not opening her eyes.
"What is?" Janet didn't move.
"What I did. What we did. What I felt. What I wanted. What I want. It's all wrong. All of it. I can't have any of it." She shook her head, not opening her eyes.
"What do you want?" Janet felt a thrill go through her. She had a damn good idea about what Sam wanted, but unless Sam admitted it to herself then there was nothing anyone could do to help her.
"You know what I want Janet, you're not stupid. Everyone knows." Sam still didn't open her eyes.
"I used to know what you wanted. I used to know who you loved Sam, but not anymore. You hide things from everyone, I told you already. I can't tell what you want anymore." Janet shook her head, feeling lost.
"I still want him Janet." Sam whispered, the first tear trickling from underneath her closed eyelid.
"Well, why don't..."
"Because it's wrong, Janet."
"But you've already committed the offense, you're both going to be court marshaled anyway." Janet pointed out.
"I know. That's what hurts even more." Sam admitted, licking her lips, her voice hardly more than a whisper.
"Why?"
"Because he didn't want it. He doesn't want me and now my feelings have ruined both of our careers and saddled him with a son he doesn't want and I can't have." Sam opened her eyes, and Janet drew her breath back sharply at the depth of pain she witnessed in those blue eyes that were once so sparkling, so happy.
"He did want it Sam. That's why it happened." Janet smiled, knowing that her words couldn't convince Sam but knowing someone else's could. The problem was, how to convince that someone else.
"No, he didn't. I don't know why it happened, I just know it happened. The minute he got his memory and realised it was wrong, it was over. He wasn't willing to give up his career. He didn't love me." The tears were running freely now. She reached up a shaky hand to brush them away.
"Sam...listen to me...Sam!" Janet put her hands on Sam's shoulders, forcing the taller woman to look into at her. "He loves you, okay? He's falling apart, just like you are, because he thinks you don't love him."
"That's not true..."
"Yes it is. Have you actually talked to him since you got your memory back? Have either of you attempted discussing what happened between you and what was going to happen? No. Neither of you have. You've only said things and made assumptions that have hurt each other. Now you listen to me Sam, I'll call Jack and tell him to come back and then you two are going to talk. Even if I have to play referee, you two are going to talk. Understand?" Janet frowned up at Sam, earning a small, half hearted grin.
"Good. Now. I have a daughter who must be immensely curious. And starting now we are all going to become absolutely squeaky clean about everything to everyone. Got that?" Janet raised her eyebrows.
"You look like Teal'C." Sam avoided answering.
"I don't care. Do you understand that, Major?" Janet insisted.
"Yes ma'am." Sam mocked saluted with a bitterness that twisted her soul. She'd probably never be fit for military service again.
"Now we're going to pretend nothing's happened and we're all happy, okay?"
"I thought we were going to get squeaky clean with each other." Sam shot back, surprised at how easy it was to joke again after all this time. She earned a huge grin from Janet who replied.
"Well...maybe some things are better left alone."
* * *
[Janet speaking...No, Cassie! Sorry...]
[No problem Janet. It's Daniel...]
[Hi. You want to talk to Sam?]
[No, I was wondering if you could tell me where Jack is?]
[He's not here if you were hoping.]
[Oh. Any ideas?]
[Yeah. He's gone up to his cabin. Should be arriving soon now, according to the times Cassie gave me when he left.]
[Oh. That's not good, is it?]
[Not really, no.]
[Is Sam around?]
[No. Cassie's just dragged her away to go play a boardgame...that's what all the fuss was about, she wanted me to come as well.]
[Oh. Good. How is she?]
[Sam? I think she's getting better.]
[She is?]
[Yeah. She broke down when she realised he took their kid up to the cabin...]
[Ow.]
[Yeah. She's very confused and has some odd ideas. I have no idea how her brain came up with some of them, they are the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. Well...nearly anyway.]
[Let me guess. One, she thinks he doesn't love her. Two, she loves him. Three, he wants the child and won't let her near it. Four, I'll let you know when I think of another one.]
[Ha ha ha. No, you were pretty close actually. She does love him, thinks he doesn't love her. The twist though, she wants the child and thinks he doesn't want it.]
[That doesn't make sense...]
[I know. It seems she has this weird idea that the Colonel doesn't want to be saddled with more baggage, that's why he didn't name it. Also, he hates her so much he's taken the baby just so that their son can have a better couple look after it when he gives it away.]
[Wow. Guess her mind goes a bit funny when she's not re-writing physics, huh?]
[Who knows. All I know is they're falling apart...]
[Has she made a decision yet?]
[About what? The child? She wants it, she just thinks she'd be a terrible mother and a burden to her child.]
[She thinks that?? Wow. No, I was actually talking about her wings.]
[Oh. I think she'd made a decision, she just isn't telling anyone. Yet.]
[So what do we do?]
[Get the Colonel back ASAP. I've told her they're going to have a talk whether she likes it or not and that's it.]
[How'd that go down?]
[Not to bad actually. I even got her to laugh.]
[Hey, you're good. Want to have a crack at Jack? He'd probably skin me then kill me.]
[Rather you than me.]
[Okay. I'll try. Thank goodness I've got Teal'C on my side.]
[Yeah. See ya Daniel.]
[Bye Janet.]
* * *
It was cold. The snow would start to fall in a few days time. Hopefully they'd get snowed in an have an excuse for not going back.
He looked at his son sleeping peacefully in his arms. What he wouldn't give to be that blissfully unaware again. He remembered when all that had mattered was her, Sam. If it meant he could have her again in such a loving, incredible way then he'd willingly give up his mind. A pity though, the crime was committed and now she was running.
His eyes were focused on the flames, his mind was focused on Sam. He remembered the way her hair glinted in the firelight on their missions, the way her eyes had danced in the darkness, teasing him. Maybe he had been imagining it all. Who was he kidding? She was nearly young enough to be his kid...okay, maybe not quite, but still, they weren't exactly in the accepted age bracket for romance.
He sighed. It was pointless, all this musing, dreaming, wondering. But it was all he had. A chance to rerun scenes through his mind, go over them until they grated on his nerves like a rusty water pipe. He wondered what he could have done differently, done to win her love? Maybe he could have told her more times he loved her and softened her that way.
He didn't regret what they'd done, it had given him the chance to do something he'd been dreaming about and wishing for. And he had a son again. Her son. A part of her.
He smiled. Things weren't that bad. He still had his son, even if he'd lost his career, all his friends and the woman he loved. He still had his son.
A noise startled him. His cellphone. He cursed silently, fumbling with the object before it could ring for a third time and wake the baby.
[Hello.] He grouched into the phone.
Daniel winced. Jack was not a happy camper.
[Hi Jack.]
[Daniel.]
Could anyone else manage to say a name civilly but make it sound like an insult at the same time? Probably not.
[We need you down at the SGC Jack.]
[You do?]
[Uh, yeah.]
[What for?]
[Uh...meetings?] Daniel tried.
[About?]
[Well gee Jack, I don't know.]
[Sorry. I'm on downtime. I'll get back to you in a few weeks. Tell Cassie I'm sorry but I'm going to have to be up here for longer than I thought.] Jack pushed the button with finality. The last thing he needed now was Daniel lecturing him and making him feel guilty. Hell, he did that job well enough on his own.
He was a coward. He didn't have the guts to face her everyday and acknowledge that she didn't share his feelings, that she hated him and their son.
* * *
"General." Hammond looked up in surprise at his visitor.
"Major. I wasn't expecting you back yet." He admitted, putting his pen down.
"I know. I just thought I'd tell you Sir, I've made my decision."
"You have?"
"Yes Sir. I'd like the Tollans to have a go, Sir."
"You sure?" He watched her, searching her for a sign.
When she'd left the base the day before she'd been like an iceberg, despite the cliché. The only part of her on display was her body. Every emotion, every thought, every depth of feeling in her was hidden. Buried.
Now he could see signs of the old Sam Carter. Her shoulders were held in that same, proud manner and the eyes didn't avoid contact anymore. Instead of containing smiles and happiness, however, they were just sad now. A deep, sad acceptance of a fate over which she had little - if any - choice.
"Yes Sir." She nodded again, firmly.
"When?"
"Well..."
"Have you told anyone yet?"
"No Sir." She shook her head.
"I'm going to suggest you tell everyone you want to tell, and take care of everything...just in case." He added softly, hating the fact that he had to say the words.
"Yes Sir." She nodded her head solemnly. "Sir?" She turned to him.
"Yes Major?"
"Permission to speak freely Sir." She asked, still not looking away from him.
"Granted." He waited, curious. Something had changed in her. Maybe seeing her son had something to do with it.
"I just want to say that I'm sorry for what happened Sir..."
"There's no need to apologise, Sam. You didn't do anything wrong."
"Yes I did Sir." She smiled slightly, a far away look entering her eyes briefly before she pushed it away and turned her attention back to him. "I slept with my CO, General."
"Were you aware of the fact that he was your CO at the time?" General Hammond asked her pointedly.
"Well...no Sir. But still, that only happened because I still...felt for him in a way I shouldn't have." She whispered, lowering her eyes for the first time.
"Sam." He said her name softly, a gentleness she hadn't heard from him since she was a teenager. "I'm not stupid. I know you loved him. I also know neither of you would have done anything about it until circumstances changed or you had specifically been told it was okay." He admitted.
"But..."
"I know it's against regulations. Don't apologise for it, I don't expect you too."
"General, I ruined Colonel O'Neill's career. I've given him another mark against his record, a permanent one this time, and a child he doesn't want." Seeing that the General was about to interrupt she continued. "What I just wanted to say was I'm sorry for disappointing you and that being under you command has been the best thing that's ever happened to me." Sam whispered, forcing herself to look him in the eye.
"Sam. Don't go without telling him." Hammond warned her. The look of grief on her face told him she'd never believe it if he told her Jack loved her, so he wasn't even going to try.
"I would tell him Sir, but he's away. I owe it to him Sir, but I don't seem to be able to find the guts to do it." She admitted, shrugging slightly. "He wanted it this way." She added simply.
"Are you sure?"
"He took the child and left, Sir. Of course I'm sure." She snapped, not meaning to but unable to help it.
"He what?" General Hammond was surprised.
"He's gone to his cabin, Sir. He won't be back for a while, and I'm not hanging around forever until he one day decides to come back." Sam said, her eyes determined. "I've accepted what happened and now I'm moving on. I'm not waiting anymore, I've wasted enough time over it." She added firmly, squaring her back.
"Are you sure, Major?" It wasn't his place to interfere, no matter how much he wanted too.
"Yes Sir."
"Would you like me to get in contact with your Father?"
"Yes please." She nodded, the tears filling her eyes suddenly.
"Major?"
"I'm okay Sir. I'm just..."
"I know. We all are." He agreed, fear wrapping itself around his heart. She wasn't just risking her life, she was risking Jack's as well.
* * *
"Sam! You're crazy!!" Daniel bit out, not able to control himself any longer.
"No, I'm not Daniel." She was surprisingly calm, all things considered.
"Well...can't you wait then..."
"For how long? He told you himself he was going to be weeks. I've made the decision, Daniel, and I'm going at the end of the week. That gives me enough time to 'sort everything out' and visit everyone who I want to apologise to." Sam retorted.
"No it doesn't. It's not giving you enough time to talk to him. Or to see your son." Daniel reminded her, flinching when he saw the raw pain flash over her face before she hid it again.
"He wants it this way. The fact that he left when he knew I was making the decision tells me that very plainly. He can't stand me Daniel, his face says it everytime he looks at me." She said, her voice resigned to the fact that it was a hopeless cause.
"You know what? I've been forcing myself to stop interfering, to let you and Jack sort this out by yourselves, but not anymore. I have been watching Jack fall apart for nearly six months now. And don't you dare tell me he doesn't love you. He carries a picture of you in his pocket, it goes everywhere with him." Daniel yelled.
"He does?" She was doubtful at best.
"Yes. He's had it since about four months after we found him. You were the only on he recognised Sam. When he spoke he only ever said your name. Don't tell me that's not love." Daniel said gently.
"I don't know Daniel. I don't know what he thinks, what he feels..."
"Well then talk to him, find out." Daniel suggested.
"If he's back before I leave, fine. But he won't be and I'm sorry about that." Sam said truthfully, hiding her pain.
"Sam..."
"Look, I'll write him a letter okay, and you can give it to him if something happens to me." Sam said softly.
"What, you mean a goodbye letter?" Daniel snorted.
"Daniel, face the facts. Chances are I'm either going to die on the operating table or my brain is going to be stuffed." Sam said coldly, hating the truth.
"Or not. You could recover 100%."
"I could." She agreed, not smiling.
"Sam..."
"I'll give you the letter before I go, okay?"
"Okay. But I still think you're doing the wrong thing."
* * *
"So...this is it for a while then?" It was a somber moment, probably one of the most helpless in the SGC's history.
"For a while." Sam agreed, forcing a smile onto her face. "Don't worry about me. When I come to I won't have anymore turkey wings to worry about."
A few half hearted chuckled sounded through the room.
"Sam...if there's anything..."
"No. I'm fine. Honest." Sam wasn't lying for once. She looked around at everyone watching her. General Hammond, Daniel, Teal'C, Janet, Lieutenant Simmons, Siler, Dad...everyone she cared about. Nearly anyway.
"Well, if you're sure."
"I'm sure. Would you mind if..."
"No, of course not. Airman, dial up the Tollans." General Hammond ordered softly, a sad smile on his face. There was silence as the wormhole established and locked into position. "Take care Sam." He ordered, surprising her by giving her a hug.
"I will." She promised, receiving more hugs from the others. "Janet, tell them I love them, okay?" She whispered to her friend as they hugged.
"Sure." Janet didn't need to be told who Sam was talking about. Her son, and Jack.
"Well...see ya when I get back." Sam walked up the ramp. She paused in front of the wormhole, watching the strange surface as it rippled in front of her. "Be good." She called over her shoulder before disappearing into the blue.
"What happens now?" Daniel asked softly.
"We wait." General Hammond admitted, not happy about it.
"And pray." Janet said softly, flinching as the wormhole disengaged and Sam was gone.
* * *
"Well well well. Look who decided to come back to the real world." Daniel did a good Teal'C imitation with his raised eyebrows and then turned his back on Jack.
"Well, hello to you too." Jack was hurt. What had he done now?
Well, other than hang up the phone when Daniel was talking to him about three weeks ago and not communicating with anyone since then.
"Daniel Jackson is not happy with you, O'Neill." Teal'C stated.
"Ya think?" Jack barked sarcastically.
"And neither am I." Teal'C continued, not at all phased by Jack's anger.
"And pray tell, why?" Jack asked in his sing song voice that irritated Daniel.
"Because Sam's gone again." Daniel exploded, surprising Jack. Daniel was easy going, a bad temper wasn't part of the man's vocabulary.
"What?" The words sank in. She'd left. Again.
He shouldn't be surprised, really. She always left and ran away. It was just typical. But still, it hurt that she'd left without talking to him.
"She left. As in gone. Probably never to return again." Daniel reiterated.
"Oh." Jack didn't know what to say.
"OH? That's all you can say? Oh? When we'll probably never see Sam again?" Daniel yelled, standing up as he glared at Jack.
"What do you want me to say?"
"A bit more care and worry would be nice." Daniel exclaimed back.
"Daniel Jackson, I do believe O'Neill is confused." Teal'C inserted suddenly, feeling pity for Jack's bewildered look.
"Oh he is, is he?" Daniel was through being understanding and nice.
"What the hell is going on?" Jack demanded, losing patience with Daniel. So Sam had left. Why get mad at him? It's not like he said anything to her to make her leave.
"Sam has gone to the Tollans because she wanted to lose the wings. You didn't even say bye!" Daniel yelled.
"She what?" Jack gasped, his thoughts grinding to halt.
"You heard me. She's gone for the other options."
"When?"
"Oh, about two weeks ago." Daniel said airily, the sarcasm cutting Jack.
"Why?"
"She was sick of the wings. She wanted to be back to normal." Daniel pointed out.
"But she didn't even tell me..."
"She tried to, but someone was refusing to answer his mobile phone or listen to anyone." Daniel softened suddenly, seeing the pain and disbelief on Jack's face.
"But I didn't know..." Jack shook his head, sinking into a chair. "I...God Daniel, what have I done?" He moaned, holding his head with his hands.
"You stuffed up. Big time." Daniel stated gently, watching as Jack fought for his control.
"I have to see her..." Jack stood up suddenly, determination in his eyes.
"I don't know if General Hammond..."
"He will." Jack ground out, clenching his jaw.
"Jack, are you sure?" Daniel asked quietly.
"What do you mean I'm sure? I have to see Sam before..." He stopped, unable to finish his sentence.
"Before what? Before it's too late?" Daniel asked brutally. "It might already be Jack, you have to realise that."
"Wouldn't they have told us?" Jack searched desperately for something to hold onto hope with.
"Maybe not. We don't know Jack." Daniel said gently.
"I have to try." Jack started towards the door.
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why is it so important to you?"
"This is Sam we're talking about Daniel." Jack turned, disbelief on his face.
"And you expect that to be a reason?"
"What do you want me to tell you?"
"The truth."
"About what?" Jack didn't like where this conversation was headed. Not at all.
"What's going on between you and Sam?"
"What?" Jack nearly snorted. That was a joke, right? There was nothing between them. Not due to Jack's choice, more because Sam couldn't stand him.
"You heard me."
"Nothing."
"Oh, I don't think so."
"Nothing. She hates me..."
"Stop a minute. She hates you?" Daniel nearly laughed.
"Yes." Jack nodded.
"And Janet thought that Sam had some twisted ideas." Daniel laughed now.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Sam thinks you hate her and you think she hates you, when in reality the two of you are falling apart because you can't see what's so obvious to everyone else!" Daniel was relieved now.
"And just what might that be?" Jack was sick of all this cryptic nonsense.
"You both love each other, but you think that the other person hates you." Daniel shook his head. "Sometimes you two can be so stupid." He moved towards the door.
"Daniel...are you sure?" Jack looked at him hopefully.
"Do I love Sha're?"
"Yes." Jack nodded, watching as Daniel smiled.
"There's your answer."
"What? You love Sha're?"
"No. Sam loves you."
"How was I supposed to get that out of...she does?"
"For the last time, YES!" Daniel rolled his eyes.
"YES!!" Jack threw his arms around Daniel and hugged him, hard.
"Thanks." Daniel wheezed as Jack let go and started dragging him up the hallways.
"C'mon Teal'C! We're going to Tollana." Jack called back to Teal'C who was slightly amused at Jack's 'behaviour'.
* * *
"Permission denied."
"But General, I think that Sam needs someone there when she wakes up..."
"Colonel, you are the last person she needs to see right now." General Hammond pointed out bluntly.
"With all due respect sir, I disagree."
"On what grounds?"
"Well, Sir...I know the Major and I have been having some disagreements..."
"Exactly. You haven't gotten things sorted out yet and seeing you there might just agitate matters." General Hammond kept his resolve. It hurt like hell, but it was the truth. Even if Jack had decided to sort things out with Sam, it hadn't been done yet. His presence were more than likely going to complicate things.
* * *
"You don't understand. I have to..."
"I'm sorry, but it's not possible. Try to get some rest."
"NO! Damnit. I have to go home!" Sam tried to yell but it wasn't working.
"Major Carter, you are only slowing your recovery. You may cause yourself serious damage if you continue like this." The voice insisted and Sam felt something cold on her hot forehead. Too cold. Instantly she started shivering.
"No. I have to go home. Please...don't you understand?" She mumbled, feeling the pain knife through her again, burning all over her.
"Please Major Carter."
"Jack. I need Jack." She whispered before disappearing into the darkness again.
* * *
"Incoming wormhole Sir." The technician announced.
"Who is it?"
"It's the Tollans, Sir."
"Open the iris."
Jack skidded to a halt. The Tollans. Sam. This was it. The news they'd been waiting for.
He held his breath as the iris opened.
It wasn't her. His heart stopped. For one, ridiculous minute he nearly laughed. No. To late. He was to late.
"Councilor." General Hammond greeted warily, wondering what news the woman held.
"General Hammond. Greetings." The woman replied softly, her tone not giving anything away.
"Where is she?" Jack demanded suddenly, approaching the Tollan woman.
"Who?"
"Don't play stupid..."
"Colonel O'Neill!" General Hammond's voice cut his tirade off.
"Sorry." Jack muttered.
"Your apology is accepted. I understand that you are concerned about Major Carter." the Councilor said gently, watching him carefully.
"How is she?" Jack asked, unable to help himself. He had to know something.
"Not well."
Not well. Jack squeezed his eyes shut, fighting to regain his control. They couldn't see how much that hurt.
"Are you well, Colonel O'Neill?" The woman asked kindly, observing his face which had suddenly paled to a colour that resembled snow.
"Yeah. Just peachy." Jack swallowed, forcing a smile onto his face that didn't quite reach his eyes.
"Excuse me, Councilor. Maybe you'd like to step into my office and we can discuss the situation there." General Hammond appeared through the doorway, holding his arm out as an escort for the woman, nodding at the silent question in Jack's eyes.
"Thank you. This is most considerate." The councilor smiled as she settled herself in a chair.
"So how is the situation with Major Carter?" General Hammond asked diplomatically.
"She is not well."
"So you've said." Jack interrupted, earning a warning glare from General Hammond.
"The operation is believed to have been a success." The woman started off.
"Excuse me, but 'believed'?" Jack asked, confused.
"Yes. The wings have been removed and as far as we can tell she has sustained no brain damage."
"But?" General Hammond also picked up on the hesitancy.
"It is difficult to explain. She seems to be suffering from an infection which refuses to clear itself. The Nox have assisted us in our attempts to heal her, as have the To'Kra. Nothing we are trying seems to be working and we do not understand why." The woman admitted.
"How is she doing?" Jack asked softly, his eyes boring intently into the woman's.
"You care about her, do you not?" The woman realised, a slight smile playing around her lips.
Jack didn't answer. He couldn't admit to it, not in the presence of his CO. It was wrong. It shouldn't be. But it was true, and he was sick of denying it. "No. I don't care about her. I love her." Jack stated calmly.
"Colonel..." General Hammond said softly, feeling torn between duty and compassion.
"Sorry Sir." The Colonel knew he'd disappointed the General, he knew that he'd just given up his claim to the military career he loved. "How's she doing?" He asked again, still not having received an answer.
"I have told you. She is not well."
"May I ask why you made this visit?" General Hammond was also confused as to why the woman was here.
"There is not much that we can do for her." The Councilor admitted. "She is agitated and it is worsening her condition. She longs to return home, but we do not feel that we have the right to send her through the wormhole, given her present condition. It could worsen her illness considerably."
"How about I send a medical team through to have a look at her?" General Hammond offered.
"That would be very much appreciated." The woman nodded her head, looking slightly relieved. "Please understand, we care about Major Carter, she has proven to be a wonderful person and it saddens us greatly that we are unable to help her." She added softly, sadness showing in her eyes.
"That's okay, we don't hold you responsible. We were all well aware of the risk she was taking in agreeing to the offered procedure." General Hammond soothed her, standing up.
"General Hammond, permission to..."
"Granted." General Hammond couldn't deny it anymore. It was killing Jack, not being able to see Sam.
"Thank you Sir." Jack smiled at the General, a smile of friendship and gratitude. It was returned to him, coupled with sadness.
* * *
Jack still couldn't understand why the 'peaceful' Tollans had weapons that they didn't use. The soldier half of him understood all to well, they needed to defend themselves. The other half, the half that understood the Nox's reasoning and even leant towards agreeing with it - occasionally - couldn't understand it. They claimed to be peaceful...yet?
Philosophy wasn't his strong point. Rather leave those kinds of reasoning to Carter and Daniel. Carter. Where was she?
He shook himself from his thoughts and turned to find the woman who he had left the SGC with watching him curiously. He looked at her blankly, determined not to let her know what he was thinking. It worked, he hoped, watching as she smiled at him slightly and then started off to meet with her people who had come to greet them.
He hadn't even bothered to bring weapons to Tollana, considering that they were always beamed away someplace anyway.
"Colonel? If you would follow us please." A new person interrupted, claiming his thoughts for a minute. He glanced around suspiciously. Good. No Narim. Sam would kill Daniel if she knew he'd told Jack about the 'kiss' they'd had. Jack found it amusing at first, but now he was just plain jealous.
"Sure." He was getting some odd looks. That was either due to the fact that he had something on his face, his clothes were inside out or his lack of response in the usually considered appropriate time bracket. He was going to go with the slow response thing.
They walked silently down one of those endlessly bright, clean, artificially white corridors that the Tollans seemed to love so much, until they came to a door. Two doors.
"Door number one or door number two?" He asked, hoping he hadn't sounded to sarcastic when he saw the looks that he was given.
"The doors do not have numbers, Colonel." Someone managed to say.
"I know. It was a joke. As in...Oh don't worry." He waved his hands in exasperation. Sam would have laughed at that. She always laughed at his jokes. Laughed. As in past tense, no more, probably never again. Had he stuffed things up too badly this time?
Daniel said there was still hope...but...It seemed strange and a bit unsettling for Jack to believe he had another chance with Sam. As far as he was concerned, he'd lost his chance at happiness when he'd lost Charlie. Then he'd been given another chance - Sam. Now where was he standing? Had he used up all his chances or did he have one more shot?
"She is in here, Colonel." Another voice called from behind him a bit, and he saw the open doorway that he'd missed before. Too busy thinking and not paying attention, he scolded himself.
"Thank you." He said gruffly.
"We will leave you now. If there is anything you require, touch this for assistance." He saw the small oblong shape on the wall and nodded.
"Thanks." He saw again and stood for a minute while he watched them leave.
He could see the open doorway. If he moved towards it more, he would be able to into the room. He was scared though. Of so many things more than he was able to identify. Two of his biggest fear though, were obvious.
He was scared she'd reject him, not recognise him or refuse to listen to him. He was scared that he couldn't clear the air, solve the problem and make up with her. He needed to make up with her.
The other thing he was scared of was finding her, of receiving her love and then losing forever. Of her dying and leaving him more alone than her running away ever did. If she died, that was it. While she was running she was at least alive and feeling, there was still the remotest possibility that things could be changed. But death...death was so final.
He gathered his thoughts. He was a coward.You're not a coward, Sir.The words hung in his mind. Her voice. He longed to hear her voice again, to hear her laugh at his jokes, to hear talk in that techno babble that he didn't have the foggiest about, to hear her just communicating with him. He missed her.
He stepped into the room.
"Jack." He started in surprise. He shouldn't have, he should have known her Dad would be here, guarding his little princess.
"Sir." He nodded, suddenly feeling like a teenager that had kept the man's daughter out after curfew and was about to have a bullet shot up his bum. He wouldn't put that past Jacob Carter.
"How are you doing Jack?" Jacob sounded tired. Gone was the sarcasm, lightness. It was all heavy and lethargic. The happiness and lightness in both of their worlds had deserted them the day Sam had...changed. She was their world, and they were in danger of all dying out now.
"Not bad." Jack lied, not moving any further into the room.
He could make out a form on the bed behind Jacob, and he was pretty sure he could see her blond hair. But that was all.
"My grandson?" Jacob asked hesitantly.
"He's fine Sir. Cutting teeth at the moment, and he puts up a hell of fight when something's bothering him, just like his Mom. Sir." Jack smiled fondly, thinking of Sam's vehement arguing when she wasn't happy.
"She's lost her fight Jack." Jacob said softly, closing his eyes.
"No. She hasn't." Jack shook his head, unable to accept it.
"Jack, she should be getting better. She's not. There's nothing anyone can do. She's making herself sicker." Jacob shrugged helplessly.
"There's got to be something..." Jack said desperately, his hands clenching in his pockets.
"Jack, do you love my little girl?" Jacob asked softly, watching the man and already knowing the answer.
Jack stayed silent. What could he say? This was her Dad. He had no right to love Jacob Carter's daughter. Look what he'd taken from her, and to still claim to love her? It was sick.
"I won't put a bullet up your bum if you say you do." Jacob allowed a small smile to creep over his features.
"You won't?" Jack nearly laughed. What had he just been thinking?
"No. I might if you say you don't love her though." Jacob warned, feeling relieved now.
"I do Sir. I shouldn't, but I do."
"Can't help it, can you?"
"No. She makes it pretty damn hard not too, she makes it ever harder when you try to hate her." Jack sighed, his shoulders loosening. He'd been too tense, now he was relaxing.
"I know. She's like her Mom." Jacob agreed, nodding his head.
"She's a lot like you too, Sir." Jack blurted out before he stopped.
"Just don't go telling her that." Jacob smiled properly now, a smile of pride. "Besides, some might take that the wrong way and think that..."
"Don't go there." Jack held up his hands in surrender, earning a chuckled from Jacob. "How long have you been here?"
"Since she's been here." Jacob admitted, stifling a yawn.
"I'll sit with her if you want." Jack offered, hopefully.
"Sure. See ya." Jack watched them go and then turned to look at the bed again. Now that Jacob wasn't standing infront of the bed, he could see her for more clearly. It was too small, he decided.
His stomach was rolling as he walked slowly to the bed, his feet moving soundlessly over the floor. She was lying on her side, propped up with pillows. Her face was pale even though her cheeks were flushed. The wings were gone.
Gingerly he reached out a hand and touched her forehead, his fears growing as he felt the heat emanating off her damp skin. She was sick. A fever, infection more likely. He wasn't a doctor, but it didn't take a genius to work that out.
"No." She mumbled, shifting slightly. He pulled his hand back, not wanting to wake her up. A dry cough spasmed her body and her eyes flew open as shivers convulsed her.
"Daddy?" She whispered. She couldn't see him, standing behind her.
"Shh." He soothed her, stroking her back off her face gently.
"It hurts." She whimpered, coughing again. He choked back a sob of agony as she gasped for breath, her body stiff and unyielding as she tried to fight the pain.
"Shh." He said again, sitting on the bed next to her, unable to stop a tear from trickling down his cheek. He wiped it away angrily. He had to be strong now, for Sam. He could cry later, if he had too.
She calmed down, but she seemed to grow hotter and her breathing got more agitated.
"I'm sorry." She whispered suddenly. His hands stilled on her hair in surprise. "I let you down. I'm sorry." She repeated, coughing again.
"No. You didn't." He shook his head and felt her body tense in shock.
"Jack?" Her voice was barely audible, but the pain and amazement in her voice gave him the courage to continue.
"No, you didn't let me down Sam. I let you down and I'm sorry." He said softly, stroking her hair again.
She coughed, the limp, weak attempts to breath properly scared him.
"God, I'm sorry Jack." He was amazed to feel her hot, dry hand suddenly reach up and take a hold of his. She guided it down to her mouth and kissed it gently with her dry, cracked lips and then held it next to her cheeks. He felt the tears run onto it and couldn't stop his own from falling.
"Shh. It's okay Sam." He smiled through his tears and gently pulled his hand from her grasp.
"Jack?" She was panicked, her body twisting as she tried to turn over to see where he'd gone.
"I'm here Sam, I'm right here." He appeared in her line of vision. He was crying, she realised, surprised. She'd never seen him cry. His hands touched her face gently, they were cool and welcome on her hot skin.
A searing pain shot up her back again as she tried to move her head, and she gasped in pain, clenching her eyes shut while she waited for the agony to abate. It did, slowly.
"Sam..." He started off.
"I want to go home, Jack." She interrupted. She s sick of the Tollans, with their calm, unattached manner and their 'perfect' knowledge of everything. She wanted Janet to look after her, to poke her full of holes with a needle. She wanted to count the marks on the infirmary roof and she wanted to hear the beeping of all the little machine that usually drove her crazy. She hated the silence here.
"You can't Sam, not yet."
"Damnit, Jack. I want to go home now!" She demanded hoarsely, forcing her eyes to stay open.
"Sam, the wormhole could..."
"I know what could happen and I don't care. I want to go home, okay?" She looked at him, unable to hide the physical and emotional pain from him any longer. "Please Jack, I have to. I want to see our son Jack." She looked at him. It was too late to try and hide what she wanted anymore. If he didn't want what she wanted, fine, she could leave, but right now she couldn't care what anyone thought anymore.
"Okay." Jack kissed her forehead, forcing his joy at her words down. Our son. Their son.
"I'm cold." She said suddenly, shivering again.
"Sam, you've got a temperature."
"I'm cold Jack." She said again, closing her eyes and shuddering.
"I..." He looked around helplessly. Maybe the button thing they'd shown him before...
He looked down at her again, the glazed look of pain on her face scared him.
"Sam, can I hold you?" He asked softly, studying her face hopefully. She didn't respond, only her eyelashes fluttered against her pale skin. He sighed. She needed her rest. It was for the best, he supposed, that she rested.
Gently he leant down and kissed her forehead, resting his cool one against hers for a minute and then kissing her cheek while he smoothed the damp tendrils of hair back off her face.
"I love you Sam." He whispered.
He saw her lips curve up slightly in a smile. "I thought I dreamt it." She whispered softly.
"No, you didn't." He curled his fingers in hers.
"I love you Jack." She squeezed his fingers gently, slipping away into sleep again.
* * *
"No travelers Sir, but we are receiving an audio transmission."
"Let's hear it." General Hammond instructed, anxiety growing in him.
"General Hammond, Major Carter wants to return home ASAP." Colonel O'Neill got straight to the point as usual, General Hammond allowed a small grin. "Unfortunately the Tollans, her father and I all believe that wouldn't be the best course of action, just yet. However, Sam's insisting and is getting herself quite worked up about it, so I was wondering if maybe we could get Doc Fraiser sent up here to try and reason with Sam?" The message ended as abruptly as it started.
"Sounds like they've gotten things sorted out then." Daniel was the only one to voice his thoughts, but several smiles of agreement told him his guess was similar to a few others. Jack hardly ever called her Sam.
"Daniel, you and Teal'C can accompany Dr. Fraiser to Tollana. Airman, please inform her that she is due to gate out in 30 minutes." General Hammond instructed.
* * *
"General Carter." Janet accepted his support while she stood and gathered her insides again. She had no idea how the SG teams managed to do that a few times a week, and decided she could only admire them for it.
"You here for Sam?" Jacob asked hesitantly.
"I don't know. How is she?" Janet nodded a greeting to the Tollans who escorted them away from the Stargate.
"Not good."
"Oh?"
"Well, when the Colonel arrived yesterday she seemed to get better..."
"But?"
"I don't know. She talked to him for a few minutes when he first came, apparently, and made sense which is more than she usually did. Then she slept for a few hours, woke up, talked to me and Selmak, seemed to be getting better and whack, this morning she's worse than before." Jacob shook his head.
"Could be the relief, kind of like a nervous breakdown after a stressful event has come and gone." Janet suggested.
"Could be." Jacob agreed. "Jack's with her now, he hasn't left her side since he got here other than to send that message through to George." Jacob said, a smile on his face.
"So they're okay then?" Janet asked hesitantly.
"Yeah. They were happy last night, happier than I've ever seen Jack and Sam was happier than I've seen her in a long, long time." Jacob smiled widely, his relief evident.
"It's about time." Janet stated calmly.
"In there, Dr. Fraiser." An unobtrusive Tollan suddenly interrupted.
"Thank you." She smiled at the man and then followed Jacob into the room.
She smiled to herself as she saw them. Jack was sitting next to the bed, asleep, with his head lying on the bed. Sam was cradling his head close to herself as she slept and their fingers were intertwined.
"Where's my camera?" Jacob asked softly, smiling gently.
Jack started awake at the noise, his senses telling him someone had entered the room.
"Colonel." Janet greeted him, a smile on her face.
"Janet." He sounded relieved to see her, but he didn't move from his position. His other hand was now brushing Sam's hair lightly, combing his fingers through her tangles.
"How's she doing?"
"Not good. Her temp hasn't gone down at all." Jack sighed, worry in his eyes.
"Let's have a look at her." Janet opened her pack and pulled out her instruments, approaching the bed firmly. Jack watched silently, never stopping his motions as Janet pulled the light covers off Sam and then opened the back of the strange gown she was wearing. Her face gave nothing away as she saw the neat, white patching going in two vertical lines where the wings had been attached. On the back of her neck there was also some patching.
Carefully Janet pulled the stuff off, unable to retain the gasp of shock. Even though the wounds were neat and well stitched, they were red and inflamed. Obviously infected. The ones on her neck were worse, they were much too hot.
"It's not good, is it?" Jack winced as he saw the cuts. Even the muscles Sam had built up while she was flying seemed to have wasted away into nothing. Now she was just skin, bone, temperature and pain.
"No. It's a bad infection."
"How come the Tollans can't do anything about it?"
"I don't know Colonel. I'd need to pump her full of our antibiotics and then run some tests on her if I wanted to find out exactly what's wrong with her." Janet decided.
"So we take her home?"
"I don't think that's wise, Colonel." Janet shook her head.
"Janet?" Sam's voice cracked slightly. Her hand clutched Jack's as tightly as she could while the pain rolled over her.
"Sam...come on sweety, talk to me." Janet encouraged, watching Sam's weakness with grave concern.
"Home. I have..." She wheezed, the pathetic hacking noises hardly resembling a cough anymore, but she still whimpered in pain each time one of them emerged.
"Sam...it's too dangerous."
"Janet. I have to go home. I have to see my son." Sam begged, her eyes bright and unseeing as she gazed around the room. They met Jack's suddenly and softened, a smile curving her lips. "Please." She asked.
"Sam...you know that's dangerous."
"Please Janet." Sam whispered, closing her eyes again and her breath whistling softly through her lips.
"Okay. If your Dad agrees." Janet nodded against her better judgment. Sam didn't answer, she just lay there, sleeping.
* * *
"Incoming wormhole. It's SG-1, Sir."
"Open the iris." General Hammond ordered. He watched as two figures stepped through the watery depths. Daniel and Teal'C.
"Where's the rest of your team?" General Hammond felt an icy hand clutch at his heart.
"They're coming. In twenty minutes."
"Twenty minutes?"
"Yeah. They're bringing Sam back with them and need to give us time to get ready for it." Daniel explained, dumping his gear and running towards the control room. He thrust the paper under the General's nose and watched as his face paled.
"Get this to the infirmary ASAP." General Hammond gave the paper back to Daniel and watched as the man ran out of the room, nearly running there people over in the process.
* * *
"Sam...sweety, we're taking you home now, okay?" Janet patted Sam's cheek gently. Sam opened her eyes slightly before they closed again. "Sam, you have to try and stay awake for us, okay?" Janet patted her cheek again. "Colonel...keep talking to her." Janet instructed.
Jack stood next to the gurney that Sam was now lying on. It had been sent through a minute ago, a sign that the SGC was ready and awaiting Sam's arrival.
"Sam, we're going home now. Hey, Sam? Come on, listen to me." He spoke gently, nudging her cheek gently with his fingers until her heavy eyes opened and she stared at him. "When we get you home Sam, Janet's gonna get you better and then we're going up to my cabin. You, me and the little guy, okay?" He talked.
"A name." She whispered as the wormhole established.
"Yes. We're going to name him Sam, soon. Okay? We are? You've got to hang on for that, you hear me? That's an order Major, you're not allowed to give in, okay?" Jack panicked as her eyes closed again.
"Damnit, get her through, get her through, NOW!" Janet yelled, grabbing hold of the gurney and half carrying it up the stairs by herself.
Jack and Jacob helped and together they went flying into the wormhole.
General Hammond watched with bated breath as the wormhole locked and the iris opened after receiving SG-1's code.
A second later a gurney came flying out of the stone ring, only held upright by Jack and Janet as she guided it down the ramp.
"I've lost her pulse!" Janet yelled and instantly the medic team was there, hooking Sam up to all the monitors and machines Janet had ordered to be waiting for her.
Jack stood back, shaking as he watched Janet yell orders and swear. He'd never heard her swear before. This was not good. It really wasn't good.
"Colonel." The quiet greeting filled with sympathy surprised him and he spun around, readying his hands to knock whoever it was out. The General. He caught himself in time and stopped, pressing one hand to his eye instead.
George saw how much Jack was shaking. "You okay son?" He asked gently.
"No Sir, I'm not." Jack admitted, surprising Hammond. The last thing the General had been expecting was an admission like that from his proud Colonel.
"Dr. Fraiser's the best..."
"I know." Jack nodded.
"She's strong son, she'll fight."
"I hope so, Sir." Jack took a deep breath and pulled himself together, standing up straight. George saw the resolve go through Jack and realised that now it was CO and 2IC again, not friends anymore.
* * *
"How is she?" General Hammond asked as Janet left the room. The dark circles under her eyes gave testimony to exhaustion.
"We've stabilised her for now, General." Janet said briefly, wobbling slightly. Jack reached out and steadied her, waiting for the rest of her explanation. "It's bad Sir, that infection has progressed a lot further than I thought. It's in her blood." Janet swallowed. "She might not make it."
"That's not what I want to hear!" Jack snapped quietly, his eyes drilling into her.
"I'm sorry, Colonel." Janet closed her eyes, ashamed to feel a tear escape from under her eyelid.
"We've done everything we can. We've put her on every damn drug that's known to fight infection."
"Thank you Dr." General Hammond said softly.
"I still don't get why the Tollans couldn't do anything..."
"The wings were attached to her brain, Colonel, through nerves." Janet explained tiredly. "When the Tollans operated they cut the nerves in her neck but they didn't remove them, I think that's why she's so infected now. The part that was connected to her brain was also left in and has infected the lining of her brain." Janet said slowly.
"So..." Jack waited, not really sure if he wanted the answer.
"I took them out as best as I could." Janet admitted.
"How come the Tollans didn't?"
"I don't know. I wasn't there, I don't know how they work." Janet snapped, starting to get tired. "All I know is she's in there fighting for her life now Colonel."
"I'm sorry Janet." Jack said, hugging her.
"It's okay. It's getting to us, that's all." She sniffed.
"Did you get all the 'nerves' then?"
"Yeah. I don't know exactly what they're made of, but they're artificial, a bit like a really high grade string." Janet explained for Jack's benefit.
"Oh."
"Is there a chance that she gets better though?"
"Yes. It's just a really bad infection." Janet looked slightly worried. "Also, there may be some damage to her shoulder muscles." She apologised.
"Why?"
"The nerves have been in her for a long time and the muscles eventually just grew over them. I had to cut some away to get the nerves out, but it was messy." She admitted, closing her eyes.
"As long as she gets better, I don't think she'll really mind." Jack reassured the small Dr. with one last hug. "Can we see her?"
"She's still unconscious and will be for a few hours still. Okay. Only for a few minutes though." Janet agreed.
Jack waited patiently while everyone took a turn. "Janet?" He turned to the Dr.
"Yes, you can stay with her." Janet didn't even wait for his question.
"How did you know what I was going to ask?"
"I saw you guys on Tollana. You're good for her." Janet smiled at him as the last visitor emerged. "Just don't excite her too much." She teased him gently and walked away with General Hammond.
* * *
"Sam." Jack whispered, tears running down his cheeks as he kissed the cold, limp hand gently. "Oh, Sam. I love you." He pressed the hand against his cheek so that the warm, salty tears washed over it.
"Shave." The order was hoarse, barely audibly.
Jack gave a snort of laughter and kissed her hand again as her fingers fluttered across his face.
"Don't laugh." She sounded slightly annoyed, but her tired eyes were smiling at him.
"I wasn't." He lied, still crying unashamedly.
Daniel watched Jack carefully, feeling slightly guilty and voyeuristic, but unable to help himself. He knew Jack loved Sam, but the fact that the man was now crying about her...well...Daniel had never seen Jack cry, not about anything, not even when he was in pain.
He looked at Sam who was sleeping again, her fingers still curled in Jack's, and felt relief. To think that something so fragile and good could wrap itself around Jack's heart and make the man cry.
"You done watching yet?" Jack's voice cut into his thoughts. Daniel glanced at Jack. The sarcasm was there, the cocky tilt of the head and the arrogant look in the eye. Yep. Jack O'Neill was back. Again.
But, Daniel realised, he was different. He was happy and at peace. He'd found Sam and he had a son. Of course the man was going to be happy.
"Nearly." Daniel shot back, smiling slightly.
"Spacemonkey." Jack grinned at him, a smile of joy and relief that just lit up his face.
It was incredible, the hold one woman had over this man, Daniel decided.
* * *
"So I can go?" Sam asked hopefully, sitting up carefully on the bed.
"If you promise..."
"Yes I do. Can I go?" Sam demanded impatiently.
"You don't even know what you're promising too!" Janet laughed.
"Yes I do. I'm promising to take it easy, not to do any hard walking, work or carry anything heavy. Don't worry Janet, Jack wouldn't let me do anything anyway." Sam grinned, nearly bouncing on the bed with impatience.
"You forgot something." Janet grinned.
"What?"
"Have fun." She laughed, hugging Sam.
"What?" Sam looked at Janet curiously as Sam watched her with tears in her eyes.
"I don't know...it's just...you're back." Janet hugged her again.
"Not quite...but yeah. I'm back." Sam grinned.
"Who knows, we might get you up to scratch again." Janet reminded her.
"That's a pretty big might, Janet." Sam sighed slightly.
"Honey, you never know. Just take it easy, okay?" Janet helped Sam to stand up, letting her go when Sam had her balance.
Sam clenched her teeth against the pain that dogged her every step. Each time she moved her arms it felt like something was tearing, they felt too weak and watery.
"Your walk's looking better." Jack commented from the doorframe.
"Jack!" Sam smiled up at him as she straightened her back. She limped over to him slowly, determined to make it under her own steam.
"So what's the verdict?" He asked, grabbing her for a hug just before she fell. Sam buried her nose against his jacket and held him gratefully, wincing as her back complained.
"She's got to..."
"Take it easy." Jack and Sam both stated together, grinning as Janet threw her hands up in the air in mock surrender.
"No, seriously Sam. Your back isn't going to get better if you don't give it time, okay?" She demanded.
"Will I always limp?" Sam asked suddenly, turning in Jack's arms so that she was facing Janet.
"I don't know. It'll probably get better, but whether it goes completely, I don't know." Janet said apologetically.
"Jack, I'll meet you in my lab, okay?" Sam turned and pushed him away.
"You will?" He sounded slightly surprised.
"Yes, I will." She dared him to argue. He declined the dare and left her with Janet.
"The truth Janet." Sam demanded, facing her friend.
"Okay. I don't think you're going to be fit for military service again Sam." Janet dropped the bombshell.
"You don't." Sam froze. She'd known all along, it was just...hard.
"No, I don't. Even if your back heals properly you're never going to be able to carry much, the muscles are too weak, and chances are you won't completely lose the limp." Janet guided Sam to a chair so she could sit.
"Why Janet? Why me?" She asked softly, trying not to cry.
"I don't know Sam." Janet shrugged, looking guilty. "I'm sorry Sam, I had..."
"No, don't apologise Janet. You saved my life and that's nothing to apologise for, okay?" Sam said firmly.
"But I damaged your back..."
"Janet, I know what you did. Thank you for doing it. You're the doctor, you know I would have died other wise, okay? So stop fussing. It's just hard...that's all. Okay?" She watched Janet wipe a tear away.
"Besides," Sam continued gamely, "It's not too bad. General Hammond said that I'd be hired as a scientist if I wanted to, and this way there's no court marshal and Jack and I can be together, okay?" Sam tried to convince both herself and Janet.
"Sam..."
"Janet. It's okay. I'm going to go home now...to Jack and our son, okay?" Sam couldn't stop the tears.
"I'm sorry Sam..."
"No. Don't be sorry. I'm happy now Janet. Be happy for me, okay?" Sam whispered as they hugged again.
"Sure." Janet agreed, sniffing.
"Well, see you when I get back, huh?" Sam smiled, trying to get away from the fears crowding around her.
"Sure. Tell Cassie I won't be home late tonight." Janet smiled as well and watched as Sam hobbled painfully down the hallway.
* * *
The multitude of emtions playing across her face was incredible, Jack realised. She was scared, he realised, tightening his hold on her hand slightly. She looked at him greatfully, an exhilerated smile on her face.
"Come on." He smiled, pushing her in front of him slightly.
Sam stepped into the room, only doing it because of Jack's calming presence behind her. His fingers now resting on her back seemed to give her strength, and she stood her ground.
"Where is he?" She whispered softly, licking her lips.
"There." Jack's voice was warm against her ear, his breath stirring her newly cut hair. He liked it short, he decided, resting his cheek against hers for a second.
Sam pulled out of his hold and slowly made her way over to the crib. There he was. Was that really her son? Was that really the tiny, wrinkled bundle that she had nursed for the first few days of his life? He'd gotten so big, so...full of life, even in his slumber.
"He's beautiful." Sam whispered, reaching over her shaking fingers and tracing the warm lines of his plump face tenderly.
"He's got your eyes." Jack told her, putting his arms around her and revelling in the complete contentment that folded around him.
"He's going to look like you though." Sam realised, recognising the nose and the forehead.
"Hopefully he's got your brains." Jack laughed slightly as the baby stirred.
"Your's aren't too bad, Jack." She grinned up at him, leaning against him.
"Now look, we've woken him." Jack teasingly scolded her. "Here." He moved around her and picked up the sleepily blinking infant, holding his son against his chest.
"You're a good father, Jack." She said softly, kissing her son's head lovingly, enjoying the way remembrance and recognition flooded through her as she smelt his baby smell.
"You're a good mother, Sam." He told her, tipping her chin up to stare into her eyes as she looked away. "You are Sam, you just made a few wrong assumptions, that's all." He soothed her, brushing away her tears with his thumb. "You did it all for him, Sam, and that's what counts." He stated firmly, kissing her forehead and then turning his attention to the baby starting to fuss in his arms. "Come on, let's get him sorted out."
* * *
His fingers were restless, even when he was driving. They tapped constantly, an irritating, pointless rhythm that was slowly driving her insane.
"Could you stop that?" She snapped. It was too much.
He glanced at her, his eyes confused but understanding. She hated it when he looked at her like that, it made it difficult to stay mad at him. She didn't even have a reason to be mad at him, but he was the only person nearby who'd yell and fight back so he was the one she'd get mad at and take her frustrations out on.
He stopped tapping when he saw her agitation and anger and turned to the road again. He was concerned about her. There was something in her eyes, something that was bothering her. He didn't know for sure what it was, but he had a pretty good idea.
"What are you doing now?" She asked, irritated as he pulled the car over onto a side road. He ignored her and that made her even more angry. "Jack." She started out. "Jack, where are we going? This is not the way to Minnesota." She complained.
"Shut up Major." He ordered, finding a spot where he could stop the car.
"Damnit Jack, stop ordering me around!" She yelled, flinging her seatbelt off.
"What is wrong with you?" He demanded.
"What's wrong with me? Is that some kind of a joke?" She laughed bitterly. "Damnit Jack, it's over and you're still ordering me around." She was crying now, he realised with a pang, as she flung her door open and stormed off up the road. He glanced quickly at their baby, still sleeping soundly in his chair, and followed her slow progress.
It hurt him, watching her limp like that. It must be killing her, being unable to do all the things she normally did, like running, carrying her own bag, lifting her arms above her head, bending over...flying. He wished he could see into her mind and understand, and he wished he could talk to her.
"Sam, wait up." He called to her.
"Why? Can't you catch up to a cripple? You must be getting slow in your old age." The comments stung him, stung them both, but she refused to let it show.
"No, I just thought you'd have the decency to wait for me, but I guess I was wrong." Jack shot back, angry at her now.
She slowed down and stopped, the downhill had stopped anyway and it was slowly starting to curve upwards again. She couldn't manage an uphill walk, not yet.
"Sam." His voice was soft and tender, and she cried. She felt his arms go around her and leant against him, gripping hold of his jacket with her tired fingers and sobbing.
For a long time she cried against him, and he held her close, keeping her warm. When the storm of tears eventually abated she was still clutching him, refusing to let him go. He picked her up gently and carried her back to the car.
Instead of getting into the car, he sat on the grass next to the car, drawing her onto his lap. There was silence while he ran his fingers through her hair and she leant against him, trying to get control of herself again.
"Sam, look." He whispered softly, and she looked up to see the sunset. The world was thrown into a myriad or reds and pinks touched with orange and yellow. Her breath caught in her throat as she watched it with him, stunned by the beauty.
Just as suddenly as it had started it ended, plunging the world into darkness.
"You okay?" He asked her gently, rubbing her arms.
"No." She shook her head. "But I will be." She smiled slightly, knowing he couldn't see her face.
"Want to talk?" He asked hesitantly.
He was sweet, she decided. She knew he hated talking, admitting things, trying to make someone understand what you felt, but he was offering to do it for her.
"I don't know. Do you want to?" She asked him, offering him the chance to back out.
"Not really, but I suppose we have to." He sighed, earning a small chuckle. He kissed the back of her neck softly, still amazed that he was allowed to hold her, and that she wanted him to hold her.
"Where do we start?" She was nearly as bad as he was at these 'deep and meaningful' conversations. She was much better off talking techno babble and he was much better off shooting sarcastic comments off one after the other.
"Why are you upset?" He started the ball rolling. He felt her stiffen and worried for a moment that he'd already stuffed up.
"Lots of things, I guess." She said softly, her eyes focusing on the stars in the navy blue sky.
"Such as?" He probed, not waiting too long.
"Everything that's happened I guess. It was all so much stress...and now suddenly there's nothing." She shrugged.
"Not nothing, but yeah, I get you." He agreed. He felt the same sometimes, as if something was wrong because it was all so easy and seemed perfect.
"I talked to Janet after I told you to get lost." She continued after a while.
"I figured that." He said quietly.
"She told me...I'm probably not going to lose the limp Jack." she said softly.
It didn't take a genius to figure out that meant she'd have to be 'honorably discharged'. He held her tightly, feeling her stiffen up as she fought for control. It was hard, he realised. The Military had been her whole life. She'd had nothing else...not since she'd left school anyway.
"It's okay though." She continued, her voice trembling.
"Is it?" He asked gently. She was amazed.
"You're good at this you know." She sniffed, laughing slightly as she leant back against him again, burying her head under his chin.
"At what?"
"Talking. You say you're not...but I can talk to you." She admitted, slightly embarrassed.
"It's easier talking to you than it is talking to most people." Jack agreed. "But stop avoiding the question Carter. Is it okay, leaving the Military?"
"I don't know, okay?" She sighed, feeling lost again. "I don't know what to do...General Hammond said I can stay on the SGC as a 'Stargate expert', astrophysicist and whatever else I happen to end up being good at..."
"But it's not that same." Jack finished off for her.
"What would you do?" She asked him gently.
"I don't know Sam. The only thing I'm good for, other than missions, would be a tactical advisor." He said slowly.
"So it's not really a fair question, is it?" She sighed. "Maybe it's a good thing." She pondered.
"How?" He was surprised. He'd expected bitterness and resentment, not this open mindedness.
"We'd probably be court marshaled for something we didn't intend to happen. And who would look after our child?" She said softly, glancing across at the car where their baby was still sleeping.
"It's still hard though, isn't it?" He wasn't dumb, he knew she was weighing up the pro's and con's, making her decision.
"Yeah. It'll be hell watching you go through and know that I'm not there to cover your ass." She chuckled slightly. Her decision was made, he realised. That was her way of announcing decisions and making them. Comments that just slipped out and told everyone what she was feeling.
"Hold Teal'C accountable for me then." Jack grinned and squeezed her. "I'm proud of you." he said softly.
"You are?" She was surprised.
"Don't be surprised. Of course I'm proud of you. I love you, and everything...well nearly everything you do makes me even prouder of you."
"You sound like my father."
"Don't they always say girls' fall for someone like their father?"
"What, does that make me like your mother then?"
"Oh please, no!" He moaned as she laughed. "So we're okay then Major?"
"No. I'm not Major anymore Jack and you're not allowed to order me around, okay? We're equal now? Understand?" She twisted on his lap and looked at him, her eyes firm.
"Sam..."
"No Jack. Equal or nothing, understand?" She demanded.
"Okay. You're allowed to yell back and I won't get you court marshaled." He grinned at her.
"I'm serious Jack. It's funny though, isn't it?" She smiled shyly suddenly.
"What is?"
"Everything. Knowing that it's allowed now, that it's okay." She shrugged.
"What?" He played innocent.
"Us. It's even hard to say it...we're together. Aren't we?" She looked worried when he still played innocent.
"Yeah." He smiled gently to ease her fears. "You know...I still haven't kissed you since we got out memories back..." He pointed out.
"I know." She breathed, smiling up at him.
"I think it's time we changed that..." He whispered.
"No, it's time that junior got a feed." Sam laughed as a lusty cry was heard from in the car.
"Let him cry Sam, he can wait a few more minutes." Jack pulled on her hand and hugged her tightly. "I love you." He kissed her hair.
"I love you too." She smiled at him and then stood up. "But I won't let my child cry for no reason." She added, opening the car door and finding a bottle in a bag.
"Fine." Jack sighed and glared at his son. "He still needs a name you know."
"I know."
"What do you suggest?" Sam asked, placing the bottle into the baby's mouth. "And we're not naming him after anyone who's breathing at the moment." She added firmly, looking up at him.
"Well, who then?" Jack asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I don't know. Let's just pick a name."
"Connor." Jack said firmly.
"Connor?"
"As in see that creek running down there?"
"Mm."
"It's called Connor's Creek." Jack stated knowingly.
"And you know this because?"
"I often stop and eat something here on the way up." He explained.
"Okay. Connor O'Neill. Very Irish." Sam decided.
"I know." Jack smirked.
"You planned this all along." Sam accused.
"Not this exactly...but I had envisioned a meaningful stop here among the trees..." He started out, looking at her pointedly.
"Jack!" She laughed, blushing.
"And you wouldn't even let me kiss you." He rolled his eyes.
"Now I'm definitely not going to let you kiss me." She told him smartly.
"Carter...technically you're not out of the military yet...so I could technically..."
"Not order me to kiss you, or I could have you brought up on charges of..."
"Of what? Loving you too much?" He teased her as Connor burped happily and threw the bottle away.
"Jack O'Neill!" She sighed, turning around to look at him.
"Well...I do." He grabbed her wrists and grinned at her. "Now...now who can order who around?" He smiled.
"Go jump." She retorted, trying not to laugh.
Jack smiled and kissed her. Connor gurgled again and was dutifully ignored by his busy parents.
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