Queer Eye for the Stargate Guy (3/4)
Queer Eye for the Stargate Guy (3/4)
by SaraC
Summary: The Fab Five get their hands on Daniel!
Category: Humor
Season: future Season
Pairing: Daniel/Janet
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 01/05/04
"You ready for this Daniel?"
Daniel gulped as he stood outside his apartment door, flanked by Carson and Kyan. Part of him was curious, another part worried. But, he'd gone to far to go back now.
"Ready as I'll ever be." Taking a deep breath, he pushed open the door and came face to face with three smiling men- and his completely redone apartment.
His eyes widened as he looked around his living room, the clutter of boxes and plethora of artifacts removed to reveal a tastefully decorated room. The oversize earth toned couch and loveseat he'd chosen were the centerpiece, flanked by small wooden end tables and a beautiful cherry wood coffee table. They'd taken up his carpet to reveal beautifully polished wood floors that actually seemed to accent the wood furniture.
Wooden shelves lined one side of the room, with wall shelves crafted into the other. To his surprise, many of his artifacts were displayed on the shelves, in much better positions than he'd had them in. His plethora of books were neatly organized, with several of his more interesting artifacts as bookends. Overall, his living room looked a whole lot less cluttered and definitely more homey.
"So, honey, what do you think?" Thom's voice penetrated his thoughts and he found himself smiling amid the whoops his look brought to their faces.
"It works for me, it really, really does." He marveled at the fact that he meant the words, moving around to touch and feel the furniture and his artifacts, just to make sure they were okay.
"We worked with what you have Daniel, and trust me, it was a challenge to figure out what to display and what to store. You're obviously a pack rat, something you need to work on, especially if you're going to entertain in this room."
Nodding at Thom's words, he moved through the living room, observing the changes. His eyes widened as he noticed another new addition to his living room that he did not remember making.
"As you see, we made more space, the sofas size adding a warmth and appeal to the room, don't you just see yourself relaxing in front of your new flat screen TV?"
He gaped at the TV, remembering mentioning it in passing, but not thinking much about it. Still, he had to admit, it looked really good there on the wall, and it was positioned perfectly to accommodate to 'cuddling' on the new couch. His cheeks heated as he again pictured himself and Janet twined together on the couch, paying more attention to each other than the screen.
"I think he likes it, Thom. Let's show him the kitchen!" The voices brought him out of his Janet induced haze and he eagerly followed the men into his kitchen, stopping in awe at what they'd done.
His kitchen had been rather dark and very utilitarian before. Not that he used it that much anyhow. Now though, it had been redone in tones of cream and blue, the dcor looking very streamlined but definitely comfortable. Not that he cooked much, but what was more important, he could see Janet puttering around in this kitchen, knowing how much she liked making things when SG-1 got together outside of work.
"We've taken out the overhead cabinets to give you more space for your artifacts, and added a few shelves underneath the counter to store your dishes. Not that you have too many, but we also took care of that!"
Leaning down to look, he was surprised to see his mismatched plates now flanked by a set of dark blue ones, with matching bowls and salad plates.
"Um, I really don't need these-"
"Nonsense," chimed in Ted, who had been remarkably silent for the moment. "If you're going to entertain, you need at least one set of matching dishes and we found these at a very good price. Trust me, a well set table works wonders."
Daniel raised an eyebrow at the man, deciding to keep his thoughts to himself. At least the plates were in a color he liked. Looking at the new shelves in his kitchen, his smile brightened to see several of his more unusual artifacts gracing the walls.
"We figured they'd add a sense of excitement to the basicness of the kitchen. A good contrast and definitely conversation pieces," Thom added with pride.
Daniel nodded, deciding he liked what they'd done here as well. But there was still one more room to examine. Feeling like a kid at Christmas, he headed for the bedroom, hearing the excited chatter behind him but paying it no mind.
Opening his bedroom door, he found himself in a different world. His king size bed remained the centerpiece of the room, but the comforter that covered it had gone from black to a deep blue. The curtains on his window matched the bed and pulled back as they were, gave the room a cheerier look, although, again, it was not too overpowering.
"Blue is definitely the color to go with, very manly and yet so sophisticated," Thom offered, walking around and gesturing with huge hand motions. "And look at this, we've managed to find more shelving and display areas for your artifacts, but without taking away from the room or presenting a sense of clutter."
"Refining clutter was big here, Daniel. You must work on it, too much of anything can never be a good thing."
Daniel held back a comment at Ted's words, deciding it was not worth it at the moment. Besides, he was more fascinated with how the men had managed to coordinate his artifacts with the motif of the room. He'd had no idea that such a thing was possible, did not even understand how it worked, but it did.
And his ancient statue from the ruins at Giza had never looked better than from its central position on his shelf. Without thinking, he motioned for the man with the camera to get a shot of the piece, ignoring the fact that all five men were now focusing on what decorated the wall directly across from his bed.
"Normally I don't prefer things this long and hard to be this sharp and pointy, but what are you going to do?"
The words made him do a double take as he turned to find Carson gingerly holding one of his medieval swords, oblivious to the fact that it was an original piece from the middle ages and worth more than two years worth of his salary. Sighing, he moved to take the sword, not trusting the man to hold onto it.
"You are going to put that sword back for the moment," he offered, replacing the sword carefully, ignoring the teasing comments coming from the men behind him.
"Okay, your apartment is ready to entertain, your wardrobe and style are good to go, now we move onto one of the most important parts of this experience, the food!"
Ted's eager words made him cringe, especially knowing how bad he was at doing anything more than boiling water. Still, he was almost done and for the moment, he was pretty excited about getting his friend's reactions to the lack of 'clutter' they always teased him about on the few times they'd come to visit.
Feeling better than he had in a while, he followed the men to the kitchen with a smile on his face.
~*~*~*~*~
"First things first, let's concentrate on the appetizers. It's always important to have appealing appetizers, because, let's face it darling, clichd as it might sound, you never get a second change to make a first impression."
Daniel raised an eyebrow as Ted bustled around the kitchen, gathering a bunch of ingredients Daniel did not recognize. He was a little curious about what some of the ingredients were, but he figured all would be explained in time. Although, he really couldn't see Jack or Teal'c responding well to some type of finger food garnished by some kind of exotic looking leaf.
"Um, you know, the friends I have coming over might want something a little more substantial-"
"Don't beat around the bush, you mean 'manly,' don't you, Daniel?" Ted's voice held a hint of amusement Daniel was thankful to note. Shrugging his shoulders in response he smiled sheepishly.
"Jack and Te-, Murray," he quickly corrected himself, "well, they're definitely more meat and potatoes men. Although Sam and Janet might like the more exotic-"
"Don't worry, we'll have something to suit everyone, just listen up!" Ted's commanding voice brought him back to the present and he sighed as he moved over to observe what the smaller man was doing.
"No matter what type of person you are, everyone likes fried potatoes, don't they?" Daniel nodded, not sure if he was to respond to the question. He sighed in relief as Ted simply nodded.
"What we're going to do is actually fry up some potatoes with a special seasoning. A smaller version of potato skins, and definitely a healthier version." Bustling around the kitchen, Daniel watched in fascination as Ted proceeded to transform two potatoes into an appetizer that actually looked rather appealing.
"All you have to remember is the key to any good, low-fat recipe... E-V-O-O." Daniel looked puzzled at the word, and at the liquid that Ted was pouring into a frying pan.
"Evoo?"
Ted looked at him as if he'd said something sacrilegious. "Extra Virgin Olive Oil. It's all the rage for healthy cooking now a days."
"Oh, I'll have to remember that," Daniel replied, settling back again to watch Ted at work. Ten minute later, the wiry man gave a crow of triumph and presented him with a plate full of delicious looking fried potatoes.
"There you have it, healthy potato skins but your 'manly' friends won't know the difference. Serve them with a little fat free sour cream and fat free cheddar cheese and you add more flavor, not fat."
Daniel was trying to take it all in, knowing it was a simple process, but hoping he could remember it all. He figured if he could translate dead languages, he could easily remember how to cut up and fry a few potatoes, couldn't he?
"Now, you need something a little healthier and a little more decorative to brighten up your table. That's where these gourmet crackers and cheese will work perfectly!"
Fascinated now, Daniel watched as Ted took several ordinary crackers and turned them into what resembled small works of art, using several kinds of cheeses, cherry tomatoes and a couple of the leaves he now recognized as fresh parsley.
"There you have it, a healthy, colorful plate of appetizers that work well with various wines and mixed drinks!" The excitement in Ted's voice made Daniel smile, having to admit the plate the man had fixed looked very appealing. He tried to imagine what Janet might think at seeing it on his table and he smiled as he realized it resembled something he could have sworn she'd made for one of their get togethers years ago.
"Looks good to me, and it seems relatively simple to prepare," he offered in reply, wondering at the raised eyebrow he got in return.
"Well, we'll see, but I have every confidence you can do this!" Ted looked a little apprehensive Daniel noted, but it seemed to pass as the man headed for the bottles of alcohol that had seemed to amass on his kitchen counter.
"Now comes the fun part, the alcohol!"
Daniel winced, knowing his track record with alcohol was not exactly stellar. He tended to drink very little, seeing as that his tolerance was extremely low, as he'd learned throughout the years by trying to keep up with Jack O'Neill.
"Don't look so scared, even if you're not a heavy drinker, you can certainly put on a flare for your guests who are!" The reassurance in Ted's voice made him feel a slight bit better as he moved forward.
"From what I found on your wine rack, I assume you're a fan of both red and white, so we got a few bottles of merlot and chardonnay. All are geared to go well with the flavors in your appetizers."
Daniel smiled as the man took a healthy drink of the glass of wine he'd poured, taking a small sip of the glass he'd been offered. He did like wine, and he had to admit, this chardonnay was quite nice. Not too dry, but not too sweet. It had potential.
"Good, now let's delve into the wonderful world of tequila and all its beautiful uses." With that, Ted pulled him forward and Daniel allowed himself to get immersed in directions on how to make a perfect, yet unique, strawberry margarita.
He brightened as something suddenly occurred to him. It was a well-know fact that one Doctor Janet Fraiser had a weakness for margaritas. Smiling, unaware that the cameraman had focused in on his face and his secretive smile, he focused all his attention on what Ted was trying to teach.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Saturday afternoon found a very nervous Daniel puttering around the apartment, attending to several last minute cleaning matters. Overall the place looked spotless and he was rather proud of it. He made a mental not to thank the 'guys' when this was all over.
But while his home pleased him, his nerves were still strung high on how Janet might feel about all this. He was determined to end this night by asking her out, and hopefully, he could manage it without having it taped for airing to millions of people.
Which brought up another matter he hadn't thought of until now. Jack's reaction to the camera crews that would be observing their initial meeting and some of the 'party.' Knowing his friend was prone to acting before thinking, it might be best to heed the adage 'forewarned is forearmed.' Which meant he had to tell someone what was going on, and there was only one person he could think of to tell that could handle Jack. Sighing, he reached for the phone.
"Hello, Sam?" he asked as the phone was picked up. Getting an affirmative, he took a deep breath and explained what he could from the beginning. Ten minutes later he wound out of words and stopped, greeted with dead silence from his friend. "Sam? You still there?"
"You had the Queer Eye guys give you a makeover?" The incredulous sound of Sam's voice made him uneasy.
"Well, Teal'c suggested it-"
"Teal'c?!"
Well, when you said it out loud, it did seem rather strange. Still, it was the truth. "He suggested this show and I didn't think they'd respond, but they did, and well, I actually like what they did. The question is, can you handle it and can you handle Jack's reaction?"
The sigh on the other end was quickly followed by a burst of laughter. "You do realize we'll have to tell him, and I'm thinking surprise is good to a degree. You leave it to me and Teal'c and we'll make sure he doesn't punch anyone out when he arrives, okay?"
Daniel breathed a sigh of relief at his friend's acceptance. Overall, that had gone quite well.
"So, Daniel, can I ask you something?" Feeling apprehensive, he nevertheless answered 'yes.'
"Are you doing this for Janet?"
Well, never let it be said that Sam could not be as direct as her CO.
"I'm doing it for a lot of reasons, Sam," was all he chose to reply with, thankful when she seemed to accept it and changed the subject. After a few more moments, he said goodbye to his friend, glad to know that the Jack problem had at least been dampened. He had a feeling his friend would have a few choice words to say about the matter, but he only hoped they wouldn't be on camera. Although, there was always the editing phase.
Deciding he'd done what damage control he could, he headed into the kitchen to try his hand at making the appetizers.
~*~*~*~*~
"Oh, look at that! He's actually going to drop the potatoes into the skillet, FILLED with hot oil, in one movement!"
Ted's voice echoed throughout the room where the five men were watching Daniel attempt to recreate the appetizers he'd been shown earlier.
"Well, he'll learn fast enough that hot oil and bare skin- OUCH!" All five men jumped as Daniel yelped and jumped back, waving his hands in the air and dropping a handful of potatoes in the process.
"That had to hurt, poor man," Thom winced as he took a sip of his champagne.
"Well, at least he's washing his hands under cold water, and look, he's going to do it one at a time now, he learns from experience!" Jai's crow was met with cheers from the men as they settled back to comment on Daniel's cooking form.
"You know, I think he might actually get it right," Ted murmured as he watched Daniel successfully begin to fry the potatoes.
"Well, let's just see if he can handle drinks and dressing himself. That's where they usually have issues," Carson sniffed as he smiled fondly at the man on screen.
"I think he's doing pretty well, for an archaeologist/anthropologist who works for the government. Speaking of which, what exactly does an archaeologist/anthropologist do for the government?"
The five men looked at each other and shrugged at Kyan's question before turning back to the monitor in front of them.
~*~*~*~*~*~
It was now ten minutes to 7 and his friends would be arriving any moment. Daniel took one final look in his bedroom mirror, pleased with the blue shirt and khaki pants he'd chosen, hoping against hope that Carson had been right in his fashion choice. While it wasn't his usual look, he had to admit, the shirt did bring out the blue of his eyes and the hi-lites in his hair. Overall, he thought he'd never looked better.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"You know, that outfit is perfect for him, and you're right Kyan, glasses are the way for him to go." Jai toasted the archaeologist as they watched him preening in front of his mirror.
"I still think he looks divine without his glasses, but I have to admit, with them, he's got that ruggedly attractive, scientific yet vulnerable appeal." Carson raised his glass as well, thoroughly pleased with the results of his tutelage.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Daniel was in the kitchen, putting the final touches on his rather pretty looking appetizers when the doorbell rang. Taking a deep breath, he moved towards the door, looking towards the two cameramen who followed.
"Um, if I were you, I'd stay back a bit," he offered, hiding his amusement at the looks the two men shot each other. Thankfully, he noticed, they stayed at a distance.
/Well, here goes nothing/
Plastering on a smile, he opened his door to the most important people in his life.
~*~*~*~*~*~
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to SaraC
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