The Past is Never Behind You
by Sara B
Title: The Past is Never Behind You
Author: Sara B
Email: sara.bell2@ntlworld.com
Category: Angst, Future story
Pairing: other pairing
Spoilers: Singularity, Rites of Passage, Watergate (Russiansknow about SGC), meridian
Season: future
Series: The Past is Never Behind you
Rating: PG-13
Content Warnings: adult themes
Status: Incomplete
Summary: Cassandra's future
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
Author's notes: Okay so first part of my series...what do ya think? Feedback is always welcomed. Hi to all my friends. Merry Christmas all
Since 2001 a lot had happened. Cassandra is now completely grown up; she's in her early twenties now, all events with Nirrti, were gone lost in her past now. As for SG-1, Teal'c is fighting with the Jaffa rebellion off world, no-one's heard from him in about 6months and they're being to worry but since no-one know where to look they can't get any message to him of find out if he's okay but all SG-1 know Teal'c too well to that he wouldn't have died and if he had they'd get a message somehow. As for Sam, well she's married to Michael and is still working for the SGC just not on SG-1 anymore. Jack, well he still not married, he's had a few girlfriends but since he could never tell them what his job was or where he worked things never lasted that long, his priorities seemed to lie elsewhere, he just took the point of view, 'who'd want a old military man anyway?' After all he is still working at the SGC, he co-ordinates all return visits. Since they've now been to so many planets, the SGC has had to split in to departments. There's an ally department, reconnaissance department, etc. Then there's the overall General who runs the base and each department, the General on the base is not longer General Hammond, he retired and is now happily living a life of leisure. Last but not least, Daniel, well, we all know what happened to Daniel, (if this is being read before the end of S5 you might not, I'm going on rumours here since it's not been shown at all but it's pretty concrete rumours though since MGM as released the news) he ascended, which means he's no longer living on Earth.
As for the 'gate project as a whole, it's still going with 30 or more SG units. The Russians are still involved, we're now getting on better, more friendlier terms with them now too, so-all-in-all, thing are going well for all.
***
"Cassandra." Sam smiles and greets her with a hug, "Come in." Sam opened the door wider so Cassandra could come in, "How are you?"
"I'm Good." She beamed happily. "You?"
"I'm fine." Sam replied, "So, did you sleep with a coat hanger in you mouth or are you gonna tell me why you smiling from ear to ear."
Cassandra tried to compose herself, but the smile seeped through, "It's Tom."
Sam smiled, she couldn't help it, Cassandra's happiness was contagious, "What about him?"
"He asked me to marry him." She squealed with delight.
Sam's smiled grew bigger, "You said yes I take it."
"Yep." She showed Sam her ring.
"That's gorgeous, I'm so happy for you, congratulations."
"Thanks." She replies still smiling, "You're the first person I've told."
"Doesn't your Mum know?"
"Well, yeah, but technically I didn't tell her. Tom had her help plan it."
Sam realised where they were, "Look come in the living room, there no point standing in the entrance."
They walked through to the living room, "Coffee?"
"That'll be great."
"So, What was it, romantic meal for two?" Sam called form the kitchen.
"Yeah, it was sooo great. He took me out for dinner, then to the first place we met, kissed, like walking down memory lane, but it was all memories to do with us. Even our first argument...followed by us making up." She smiled.
Sam handed her, her cup of coffee.
"Then when we came to the end of the tour down memory lane, he asked...and I said yes." She grinned again.
"I'm so pleased for you." Sam couldn't help but say it again and she gave her a congratulations hug.
"Where's Mike? I want to tell him too."
"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie, he's working away at the moment, Russia's having a few problems with their dial computer."
"Why aren't you there?"
"Someone has to keep an eye on our lot of research scientists over here, you know that."
"He'll kill me for saying this but you know more than he does."
"Thanks," she says then jokingly adds, "I'll be sure to tell him."
"How's working, anyway?
"The reports were right, they're very close to finding a 'new planet'." Sam uses air quotes for 'new planet'. She's still working for the SGC but she works undercover more often than not along side scientist that are suspected to be close to finding out about the Stargate or planets the SGC have been to, someone has to help keep the project secret.
"Which one?"
"Abydos."
"Oh, yeah, it's the closest."
"And there's life, I just hope we can keep it secret otherwise..."
"The Stargate."
"Yeah, if the general public find out, who knows."
"You know I wish I could tell, Tom." Cassandra said wishfully.
Sam sighed contently and shook her head, Tom, was all she talked about, "You know you can't."
"I know. ...I just wish."
"Hey, I worked long a hard to make sure he didn't find out about what really when on in Cheyenne Mountain."
Cassandra smiled, "I know. And thank you."
"No, thank you, he only stopped asking questions about the base once I introduced you two."
Cassandra smiled, she was 100% head over heels, she was thinking about the day they met.
***
That night
***
Tom as sat on the settee and Cassandra was snuggled up close; he watched TV and Cassandra was going through the phone book, "You told Bill, right?"
"Bill?" Tom asked.
"You know, he moved to Denver last year."
"Oh, Bill, no I haven't told him yet."
Cassandra jotted down Bill's name on to a list of people that have yet to be informed of their engagement. Cassandra when through a few pages of their phone book, she came to the next page and said, "You parents...you did tell your parents right?"
"Oh No, I forgot" He teased, he had really, "Of course I did." He smiled at her fussing, he took the pad of paper and phone book from her Cassandra looked at him, questioning why he took the paper from here, he kissed her, "We can do this tomorrow, tonight is our night, that's us two, not you, me and the phone book okay." He smiles.
"Okay." She returns the smile and kisses him, "It's just I don't want anyone to find out third hand and..."
"And one night will make no difference." Tom pointed out, "Just calm down, relax. Come here." He sits up and pats floor in front of his seat on the settee. Cassandra sits on the floor as she's told and he starts to massage her shoulders.
Cassandra looked up to see his face, "Have I told you recently that I love you?"
"No in the last five minutes." He jokes.
"Well, I do."
"You better had do or why did you agree to marry me?" He asked knowing she did. She gave him a look, the look only Cassandra could do, "I love you too." he added. The look turned to a soft smile, the one he loved.
***
"I hear you're planning to marry Cassandra." Jack states.
"That's right." Tom announced proudly.
"And do you love her?" Jack asked being protective, although he has Cassandra's interests at heart.
"I wouldn't have asked her if I didn't."
"And you'll treat her right?"
"Of course."
"Good to hear it, she doesn't have much family but what she does have will make sure absolutely nothing happens to her."
"I understand how close you are to her and I promise nothing will happen to her or I'll be as mad as you."
"What do you understand exactly?" Jack asked curious as to what Cassandra had told Tom of him.
"She told me that her family died, when Janet adopted her she gained a whole family. Umm, You, Sam, Daniel, George and a guy named...Teal...Tilk..."
"Teal'c." Jack corrected him, "What did she say about him?"
"Umm, that he was a great man, that he's a solider and his assignment is somewhere a long way away and he probably won't make it back for the wedding."
"That's right, we're doing our best to get him a message."
"I never understood, why is her family all Air Force."
"It's complicated. As far as your concerned it's because Janet was part of our team and you should know we take care of our own."
"Right. It just seems like you're all closer than that."
"And Daniel? What did she say about him?"
"Why are you asking this?"
"I'm protective." Eh lied, well he didn't lie completely but that wasn't his concern at that moment in time, "Now Daniel?"
"Umm, a scientist, died on a mission of some sort. Cassie cared about him a great deal."
Jack nodded, "She's a good kid. Look after her."
"So, you give me your blessing?"
"Look after her." He repeated; he wasn't going to say 'yes' that was the best replied he would get.
***
A few months later... The wedding reception after the service.
"Happy?" Janet checked with Cassandra.
"Very." She replied smiling, she hugs her Mum, "Thank you for this."
"I just wanted the day to be perfect for you."
"It is; everything... ...it's great."
"Sorry to interrupt." Jack said, "But if you don't mind, I'd like to borrow your beautiful daughter for a dance." Jack flattered.
"By all means." Janet let them go.
Cassandra looked at Jack, "You don't dance." She stated.
"Can't I make an exception on your wedding day?" Jack asked.
"I guess." She replied.
"You look great." He told her, "Who'd have thought it our Cassandra all grown up and getting married, day for the diary this."
Cassandra smiled at Jack's comment but it faded, "I wish Daniel and Teal'c could've been here."
"I'll lend Daniel the video, and Teal'c too when we next see him."
"It's hardly the same though."
"Yeah, well, that's what you get for turning against the Goa'uld, missing out on weddings and all those important birthdays. I'll have to tell him when I next see him, not to running off fighting the Goa'uld as someone might get married."
"Funny." She said sarcastically.
"But seriously, we did try to contact him."
"I know you did."
They danced in silence for all of two seconds when Tom, asked to cut in, "May I?"
Cassandra looked up a Jack with a sparkle in her eyes.
"Sure." Jack handed Cassandra over to her new husband.
***
A year a so later...
***
There's an urgent knocking at Janet's front door, she got up to answer it wondering who it might be, it was Cassandra, is was upset and had got herself into a state over something. "Cassandra?" Janet as concerned, Cassandra hugged her. Janet lets go, "Come in."
Cassandra walks through into the living room, Janet followed, "What's happened?" Janet asked wiping the tears from her daughters red cheeks.
Cassandra shook her head and sobbed.
"Come here." Janet hugged her again, Cassandra wouldn't let go until she'd calmed down a little and could actually think enough to make a sentence. When she did let go, Janet looked at her concerned and asked, "What's happened?"
"He doesn't love me."
"Who? Tom? Of course he does, I've seen you to together; he loves you I can promise you that."
"Not anymore." She said furiously pushing the tear from her face.
"What makes you say that?"
"We had a argument." Cassandra said.
"You've argued before, you'll sort it out you always do." Janet comforted her.
"This is different, this wasn't a silly little thing this is the sort of thing that can break up whole marriages." She sobs.
"I don't understand what was the argument about?"
Cassandra looks at her mum wishing she could tell her without having to actually say it. Janet looked back searching her eyes for an explanation but found none. Cassandra looked down, took a deep breath and looked back up, "He wants kids."
At first Janet didn't get it but then she clicked, whatever genetic experiment Nirrti had placed on the inhabitants of Hanka would be transferred to any children Cassandra had. "Oh."
"I can't give him what he wants." She says helplessly, "And what's worse is I can't tell him why." Cassandra starts to cry again and Janet holds her to comfort her but she knew there was nothing she could do to make it better. Cassandra pulls a way and sniffs, "I want to tell him."
"You can't, I know you want to but you can't." Janet tried to sympathise but it was hard.
"I wish I could at least be able to sympathise tell him I understand. But I can't, not without tell him more."
Janet wished she could say something that would be of some use to her or at least to comfort her but she couldn't think of anything to say. Cassandra continued from where she left off, "Instead I'm the bad guy that won't listen to reason or even compromise, agree to think about having children even if it means in a few years rather than now but...I can't agree to that, let him get his hopes up and tell him that I've thought about it and I still don't want children."
"We'll find away out of this, you and Tom can make up at it'll be fine."
"But there is no way out. And every time I turn him down he feels worse because he thinks that if I won't have his kids, I don't love him, when I do. ...but I can't tell him that." Cassandra hung her head she felt helpless in the situation. "The only way out is to agree and if I do that sixteen years down the line, our son or daughter will get ill and I can't tell him why and I won't be able to do anything to stop him or her from dieing and that's not fair, to have a child to save our marriage then to let him or her die when they reach sixteen..." Cassandra's eyes start to fill with tears again, "It's useless, I'm going to lose the only person I can ever love and it's my fault."
"It's not your fault."
"Then whose is it? SG-1's for bringing me back to Earth? Sam's, for knowing I wouldn't die from that bomb in me? Or was it..."
"Nirrti!" Janet cut her off, "It was Nirrti's fault, she messed with the genes of the people on your planet, she put that bomb in you, it's her fault."
"So. What use is that, she might have cured me but she hasn't put my genes right, if I have kids I'll still pass it on and when talking with Tom I can hardly tell him the reason I don't want kids is because an alien, called Nirrti played with me genes."
"Still, you can't blame yourself."
"Why? That's how Tom'll see it." Cassandra's sadness was turning to anger.
Janet gave in, "I'll talk to some people, see if I can't get Tom clearance, how's that sound."
"That'd be great." Cassandra said calmly, "But you can't."
"I can ask."
"You and I both know what the answer there'll be there's no point."
"You know I don't like seeing you like this, I'm just trying to help give some solutions."
Cassandra shakes her head, "I've thought of everything...I don't know. I don't think there aren't any."
"Okay, let's look at this." Janet touched Cassandra's arm affectionately, "Don't worry, we'll figure something out." Cassandra gave a feeble smile, "So, Tom thinks, you don't want kids but the truth is you do but you can't, right?"
"Right," She said weakly, "because of Nirrti.
Janet as a flash of inspiration.
"What?" Cassandra asked eager knowing she'd thought of something.
"You tell him the truth."
"I can't, though can I?"
"Why not? All you have to tell him is that you love him, you're sorry you argued, which is all true isn't it."
"Well, yeah, but..."
"Then you tell him," Janet cut her off, "that you'd love to have children..."
"Mum, I can't..." Cassandra interrupted.
"Let me finish." Janet cut her off again, "that you'd love to have children, but you can't. You don't have to mention Nirrti or the experiments, just that you can't have children"
"And when he asks why?"
"Make something up, I can put into your medical files, I'm sure I can get permission for that."
"I can't lie to him, Mum. It's not true, I can have children, it just...when they turn sixteen."
"I'm sorry, that all I can suggest." Janet looked at her daughter wishing she could help more, "Why don't you sleep on it, it's late. I can make up the guest room, how about that?"
"Okay." She replied quietly and followed her Mum up stairs to make up the spare room.
***
Cassandra opened her front door, walked into the living room and put her keys on the mantle piece. Tom walks out of the kitchen with a mug if coffee in one hand, toast in the other, he paused when he saw her, he put his coffee down and swallowed the last little bit of toast. He started to walk to his brief case, "I've, I've got to go to work." He told her not making eye contact.
"Tom." She said weakly, he look in her general direction, "We need to talk."
"I don't to argue, please, not now."
"I don't want to argue either, but we have to talk."
"Can't we just ignore it?"
Cassandra shook her head "I don't think we can."
"I know. ...Just hoping."
Cassandra nodded she felt the same, she didn't want to lie to him, she didn't think she could so avoiding the topic would be easier, but again she knew she should. She sat down on the settee; he sat on the opposing one.
"So." He said.
"So." She repeated not knowing what to say or where to start. She pushed her shoulder length hair behind her ears, "It's about...having..."
"Kids." He ventured.
"Children." She said at the same time as him.
They looked away, neither wanted to say more because they knew it would result in an argument but Cassandra knew she had to press on with the subject, "Last night..." She really didn't know where to start, she took a deep breath and tried again, "Last night, when I said, I didn't want children."
"Cass, I really don't think we should get into this now."
"Please, this is important." Cassandra looked very serious.
"I'm sorry, go on."
"When I said, I didn't want children, it wasn't completely true."
Tom looked confused, "Then what? I don't get it?" He paused, "You don't already..."
"No." She said instinctively, "No, I don't, it's not that. ...It's..."
"What?" Tom sounded concerned. He moved over to the settee Cassandra was on and sat by her, "What is it?" he whispered knowing it was serious.
She turned to face him and their foreheads met, "I can't have kids." She whispers back.
He pulled back, "What? ...I mean, why? How come?"
"Please" She begged, she didn't want to talk about it.
"It's okay." Tom wrapped his arms around her, "Why didn't you tell me before?"
"I didn't know to say, what I was suppose to do. ...I thought it was for the best." So far Cassandra technically hadn't lied and she didn't want to.
"I'm sorry we argued, it really had no idea. If I'd have known, I wouldn't have..." Tom felt stupid for even raising the question of having children now but he was glad she'd told him.
"It's okay, I should've told you, I should've told you," she repeated, she really did wish she had told him, but she wished she'd told him everything and from the beginning, everything being about the base, the Stargate, Hanka, Nirrti but she knew she couldn't and still can't. Tom glanced at the clock, he should've left for work five minutes ago, "I've just got to phone work, let them I'm not coming in today and we can talk all day if you want."
Cassandra kissed him, "No, you, you've got to go, works important."
"Not as important as this."
"Tom, I'm fine really, I've lived knowing this for years now, I'm fine. We're fine." She assured him with a smile, "Right?"
"Right." He smiled back. He reluctantly got up, picked up his brief case and walked over to the front door, Cassandra followed to see him off. They kissed, "See you tonight" She smiled at him.
"Take it easy today." He fussed, "It's half term so no school."
"I've got books to mark." She told him.
"Take it easy." He said again.
"Yes, sir" She mocked his order for her to relax and kissed him before he walked from the door to the car.
"Relax." he called when he opened the door of the car, "No marking books today, Okay!"
She grinned and nodded.
***
A month or so down the track...
***
Cassandra refused to believe what she saw, it couldn't be, she can't be, can she? She checked the back of the box, and check the results of the pregnancy kit again, she was, she was pregnant. Silently she looked at the result, a hundred and one thoughts rushing through her head not one making sense. Shocked she had to sit down, she put down the toilet lid and sat just trying to take it in, make sense of it she'd been so careful...
***
15 minutes or so later...
***
Quickly trying to hide the test she called back, "Umm, I'll be out in a minute."
"You've been in there a while are you alright?" He asked concerned.
She composed herself and opened the door, "Fine." She smiled.
"You sure?"
She nodded as if to affirm her answer, "Yeah."
He smiled and jokingly said, "You women and bathrooms, I don't get it."
She smiled at his comment, "I'll explain it one day." She told him with a smile, "Now, though, I have to get changed."
"Are you sure an hour will be long enough?" He called as she walked to the bedroom.
"I think I'll managed." She called back. They were going out for tea with friends so Cassandra couldn't talk to anyone about the news and she had to keep up the pretence that everything was normal.
***
"Cass?" Tom asked
"Hmm." She came out of her own little world.
"You with us?" She smiled.
She looked up at their friends sitting across the table and smiled, "Sorry, I was...in a world of my own, got some things on my mind. Sorry, I'm listening, really."
"Well, we were just say about Jake," Her friend Maggie started, "he did the cutest thing the other day..."
Cassandra phased then out again, all she could thing about was, 'what if the test was right?' they we're reliable but she couldn't see how it was possible. She noticed Maggie had stopped, "Yeah, cute." Cassandra said not really interested.
"I guess you had to see it." Mark replied.
Maggie who knew Cassandra and Tom couldn't have children realised that talking about there's must be killing Cassandra, "I'm sorry, Cass, I didn't think."
Cassandra nodded, "It's okay, I'm fine." People talking about having children didn't bother her at all; in fact she liked to see how happy it made people, especially her friends, plus she and Tom had recently been discussing the merits of adoption. Although Cassandra saw this as an opportunity to leave, find her Mum to talk to, "Umm, Actually..." She looked at her friends, "I hope you wouldn't mind but I'm not feeling so good."
Maggie nodded, "It's okay, if you're feeling off we can do this some other time." Despite Cassandra lies Maggie thought it was because of them talking about Jake all night so far. Cassandra stood up, Tom got up too; she turned to him, "Stay." She told him, "I don't want to wreck the night completely, I'll drive then you can have a drink and take a taxi."
"You sure?" he checked, he couldn't insist he when with her but he wanted at least check she'd be okay on her own.
She kissed him, "I'll be fine."
"Okay, see you later."
Cassandra half smiled.
"Feel better." Maggie said.
Cassandra nodded and left.
***
After seeing her Mum, Cassandra had solved nothing, there's still 101 question buzzing around in her head not one did she think to ask her Mum while she was there lets just hope as she said things will be better in the morning after some sleep.
***
Tom came home while Cassandra was still at Janet's, he entered he house, couldn't see Cassandra so he assumed she'd got to bed already. He was going to get ready for bed himself but while in the bathroom he came across the hidden pregnancy kit belonging to Cassandra. His first reaction and joy, happiness, then dread when he thought why did she keep it from me? And questions like this lead to, Is it mine? And questions along those lines. That's when he discovered Cassandra wasn't even home!
***
Cassandra saw the light on as the car rolled up the drive, she hoped he was in bed and forgot to switch the light out, she wasn't in the mood for explanations, but hoping was too much to ask. She entered the house and there was Tom, "Hi." She tested the water.
He held up the box of the pregnancy kit.
"Oh, that." she said, "You found it."
"Well?" he asked.
This is it Cassandra thought, he knows I lied. "Well, what?" she asked innocently.
"Who's is it? I'm assuming it was positive...it is positive?"
"Yes it is and you're the father, whose else would it be?" She asked offended he even considered it.
"Mine?" He smiled, "Why didn't you tell me." She hugged her, "This is great news."
"Yes." She said not sound enthused, thinking of the child to be's 16 birthday, it's a long way off she knew that but still, she remembered what it was like for her back then.
***
Tom was up and 6am that morning, overexcited and wanting to go visiting to tell everyone the good news. Despite Cassandra's attempts to dampen his excitement she couldn't. "I'm sorry I just want to tell the world."
Cassandra smiled, she loves it when he's all excited like this, "Well, please, don't."
"I know, I know not yet but we can tell our parent's right? I'm sure your Mum would want to know."
"She does, that's where I was last night." Cassandra told him.
"Well, great, we see my parent's today let them know, they'll be so pleased they're always asking when they're going to have grandkids. I'll phone them now."
Tom goes to phone his parents, "Great." Cassandra muttered; she was in a hole, which was just getting deeper and couldn't see a way out or how everything would be fine like Janet promised last night.
To be continued
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