Ghost of a Chance
Ghost of a Chance
by Sandra
Title: Ghost of a Chance
Author: Sandra
Email:MishaNova2000@aol.com
Status: Completed
Category: Sam/Daniel vignette
Spoilers: For D&C, FiaD, Broca and probably more
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Content Warning: A tad. .. um. .. angsty. m/f
Summary: Elevator confessions?
Disclaimer: If I owned them, you think I'd be this pissed off?
Feedback: Well, D'uh!
Archive: Tri za gros, tri za gros.
Notes: It's completely implausible, sappy and pointless. However, on the other hand, I'm finally writing canon!
Dedication: To, uh. .. hey, is it wrong to dedicate a fic to a fictional character? Ah. .. okay. It's fine, he's not dead anyway.
Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. 'RF'
~*~
Daniel walked beside her in silence.
Silence was good. Silence was golden. Silence was routine. Bullshit! He was getting pretty damn tired of silence. Too many things went unsaid around him. No one lived forever and they really were gambling against time with their line of work. Yet, even with all the reminders they received on a daily basis, silence was still the preferred beverage at the SGC.
They entered the elevator and claimed their typical positions. Daniel stood next to the small, shiny panel while Sam crossed her arms across her chest, lips pressed together in thought. The elevator slowly shook and started its ascend abruptly. Daniel opened his mouth to ask a question that had been bugging him for almost a week but was interrupted by a loud noise under his feet.
The elevator came to a sudden halt and both bodies lurched toward the ground.
"Are. .. we stuck?" Sam frowned and glared at the panel, mentally taking the components apart.
"Um. .. seems so." Daniel stepped away, letting her take a look at the panel. He picked up the phone and requested assistance from the tech on duty. Sam tinkered with the panel and then groaned in annoyance.
"Figures." She tucked a blond lock behind her ear and sat down in a corner. Daniel raised his eyebrows with a deep sigh.
"Well, they'll be here. .. soon." He tentatively sat down across her. "At least we can. .. talk now."
"Talk?" her head snapped up to stare at him. Ah, crap. "Well, yes, that new artifact's been giving me a headache. Lt. Richards' equations made little to no sense, and I'm thinking of just doing it all b--"
"Not about that." Daniel interrupted, his blue eyes softly illuminated behind the glasses. "Don't you. .. want to talk about. .. anything?"
"Not particularly, no." she looked away from him.
"You have to talk to me." Daniel observed her dimmed features.
"I don't have to do anythi..." she stopped, flinching at the statement. Had to do a lot. Work. Lie. Pull the trigger.
"I'm here. .. you know that, right? Please. .." she heard a faint voice say. Sincere? Who knows? Here? Sure. .. for how long?
"It's just that. .." she arched her head, closing her eyes tightly. Daniel expected a heart-breaking scream to follow, but none came. "I could have been happy."
Daniel considered it for a moment, then looked at her intently, cautiously waiting for more. When she just nervously rocked herself, he gingerly inched closer.
"With Martouf?" he asked so quietly he was positive she hadn't heard him.
"With life, Daniel." Her eyebrows furrowed a bit as she tried to fight what she considered to be self-pitying tears. Her pale hands moved to her face quickly as she rubbed her eyes non-to-gently. Daniel reached to touch her, offer comfort, offer understanding, share in her pain. She waved him off. The elevator remained silent as her hands dropped to her knees and she gave a small sigh.
"Don't you ever think how great life could be if we just. .." she gritted her teeth, rage overwhelming her for a second, "...led normal lives? Never got tangled with the Stargate, never met all these people. .." she mercilessly continued, oblivious to Daniel's pained expression.
"If you never met Sha're and if I never met Jolinar and Martouf. How much pain we would have been spared of..." She stared at the unrefined edges of the elevator metal. She tapped her fingers on her knees, thoughtlessly scratching the indelicate material. Maybe if she *just* got out of the military clothes she'd get out of all the grief that surrounded her, had shrunken the walls, made the spikes in her little internal torture-cell prick her continuously, sent waves of pain and remorse through her every molecule...
The small space was silent for a long while.
"I was never as happy as I was in that one year I spent with Sha're." Daniel tensely burrowed his head in his hands, his voice echoing strangely, followed by a few distant noises of the wires meeting metal somewhere above them.
Sam seemingly snapped out of her engrossed state and looked at him as though she never saw him before. Maybe she just never saw this side of him. "I'm sure." She said, reverting back to her acidic tone unconsciously.
Daniel looked up and glared at her. "The memories we made were what made me get up in the morning." He simply said and Sam gave a small smile, arching her head against the cold wall.
Running through the Op'tesh forest. He had caught her, his hands slipped to her waist and he turned her around relentlessly, his azure eyes displaying a glint of predatory awareness as his lips captured hers with a devoted grin. She had been happy, so immeasurably happy, content with nature, the battles -- both internal and external -- put on hold for that one moment of sheer enjoyment of life. Happiness? Who the hell had time for happiness anymore?
Sam made a sardonic little noise and focused on the panel above Daniel's head. Fix it, damn it. Can't expect her to fix everything by herself.
She nodded as Daniel watched her eyes void all trace of the friend he knew. "Memories are a tricky thing, Daniel. They can be all you want if you let them. They can become reality. ... You can't look at them objectively."
"Why would you want to?" Daniel tilted his head, sliding his hands up and down his uniform to straighten out unseen wrinkles. Appearance was almost everything. Strength could be faked. Love could be suppressed. It all depended on the packaging, no?
Sam lowered her gaze to his darkened blue eyes.
Daniel winced slightly.
If you hurt him, maybe he'll go away?
"Daniel, look at you." Sam said evenly. "Look at what you've become. You wear fatigues more than I, you. .. you constantly cut your hair, I almost never see you with glasses anymore. .. you shoot better than most of the airmen on base. .. How can you *still*. .." she bit her lip in frustration. "What else can happen to us, Daniel? I don't want to become some emotionless machine who'll be expected to save the world whenever someone snaps their fingers. .. I'm not enjoying life!" she stood up and started pacing, confined between four adjacent walls.
"Would you be able to settle for a white picket fence life with all you know is going on around you?" Daniel stood up as well, leaning against the wall. Settle for security, stability, continuity? Would be crazy to even think it, right? No, those concepts were implausible, illogical, doubtful. You don't live a happy life if you're SG-1. Read the fine print next time. Is there a next time?
"No." She stopped pacing and looked at him. "And I *resent* that being taken away from me. .. It's just so. .. SO pointless, Daniel! What if. .. what if one day I'm forced to blow your brain out for the good of humanity? Shoot the whales, get cool prizes? Paintball safari? Am I supposed to just. .. get over that? It's. .."
"It's like we're not allowed to get close to anyone." Daniel supplemented. "Is that what's worrying you?"
"I'm getting paranoid, that's all. There's only a ghost of a chance that either of us will ever be happy. The odds of us being miserable for the rest of our lives. .. however short that may be--"
Daniel held up a hand to silence her. "Ghost of a chance?" He walked the short distance over to her and stood facing her. "What do you think the odds were of all of this happening? Of us meeting, becoming friends, getting stuck in this elevator?"
"This elevator jammed 3 times in 4 years, so the odds would be 1 in--"
Daniel pulled her closer to him, enveloping her in a tight embrace. "Everything happens for a reason, no matter how hard we have to search to find one." He whispered against her ear as she slowly responded to the closeness.
Sam closed her eyes and let out a small, attenuated cry. She wrapped her hands around Daniel's back as he rocked them both soothingly. She shook her head against his shoulder with momentary disbelief. It was a scary thought. Mathematically, the odds of all of this playing out the way they had were incalculable. Therefore, there could either be no reason behind all the suffering, the deaths, the loss. .. or, a reason beyond her wildest dreams. Some larger than life experience that would finally prove that happiness comes as a reward to the deserving.
Ghost of a chance of that ever happening, though. The way her odds stood, she'd have to bet the farm on Quinella and hope that both her choices were right. Close your eyes, Samantha. Samantha. .. Samantha.
Fear and grief mixing, she pulled away and sat back down as Daniel found his place next to her, their arms brushing slightly, the material softly rustling.
"She misses him so badly. .. *I* miss him. .." Sam whispered, leaning her head against Daniel's shoulder. His long fingers gently played with a lock of her hair as his body molded to hers. "He said he. .. became fond of me and all I could think was. .. how afraid I was."
Daniel kept quiet, letting her slowly speak. She sighed, closing her eyes. "No wonder I failed the test. .. I never say what I mean or. .. feel. .. why do you think that it?"
"Rhetorical question, right?" Daniel's lips brushed against her hair as he closed his eyes with a soft sigh. The maintenance crew would get them out soon. "Because we're all afraid of each other." Daniel stated as a clank above them made them both look up. Keep talking. Now or never.
Never did ask how or why.
"If you don't want to talk about it, it's fine." Daniel offered one last chance to back out.
"It's okay. .." she opened her eyes, staring at the closed doors. Wasn't fair. Janet knew. Jack knew. Even Anise knew. Everything stayed behind closed doors. Wasn't fair to keep Daniel on the other side. "The Colonel and I weren't. .. truthful."
Daniel raised his eyebrows as she shifted, pulling away from his shoulder so she could look at him. "About?"
"Our feelings." She said cautiously, watching his face for reaction. Daniel concentrated on her words, replaying his distant conversation with Jack. Who, Sam? No. Not in that way. Can I see her? Why? She's a friend, Jack, I care about her.
"Feelings." Daniel repeated.
Sam shifted again, uncomfortable with the topic, but determined to proceed. "Yes. .. the truth is I care about you and Teal'c and the Colonel more than I should. I guess it comes with the situations we've been through. I. .. I just don't know how to deal with it, so I just. .. don't."
Daniel tilted his head, contemplating. Sam continued, finding justification in her emotions, the complete wreck that they were. "If it was you or Teal'c there. .. the Colonel would have done the same thing. As would I. And you. And Teal'c."
"We care about each other, that's not really a surprise, Sam." Daniel focussed on a particular spot on the spotless wall.
"We never tell each other that. Are we that cocky to just. .. believe we'll all be here forever, that one day we won't wake up and one will be gone?" Sam followed his gaze to the invisible spot.
Daniel looked at her as she stared off into the distance, her brow furrowed, lips slightly parted, concentrating vehemently on the stupid, invisible spot.
Slowly, so very slowly, he cupped her face and turned her face toward his, pressing his lips against hers gently. He broke away and watched her dazed face for a second before the mist around her eyes cleared. She cocked her head at him, observing, contemplating, deciding. Ghost of a chance. Meant to be? Wrong path? Ghost of a chance of it ever happening. Who cared? Bet the farm. What can you lose? What can you gain?
She delicately caressed his cheek, cautiously covering his lips with hers. She closed her blue eyes, letting go of the mistrust, pain and anguish, making herself believe that the world tasted better now. That the nightmares were leaving.
The elevator's interior convulsed once again, finally nearing another stop. Both pairs of lips ceased their exploration calmly. Sam looked away from Daniel's solemn face as the doors hissed open and a technician on duty offered them a sheepish look.
"I apologize, Major, Dr. Jackson. We were assured the odds of that new system having a glitch were one in a million. It's top quality equipment. Could be the weather--"
"Stand down, lieutenant. .. things happen for a reason." Sam stood up, brushing her clothes off with a serious expression.
"I'll start a report on it, um, right away." The young technician saluted and scurried past the maintenance team.
Sam turned to Daniel, flexing her fingers. "I guess now. .. we. .."
"We do our best to tell each other how we feel." Daniel took off his glasses, using his black shirt as a tissue. "I think we agree that life's too short not to." He walked past her with a parting look. No good-byes? New rule?
Sam stared at his back and crossed her arms, waiting in the middle of the hallway, calculating. Math was the only logic she considered, everything else didn't stand to reason if math couldn't help her figure it out. Even death was math. Love, too. Everything was about odds. And. .. she could change odds. .. she'd done it before.
Why was it such a hard concept to mold to?
Change.
Everyone was capable of it.
She wasn't stupid. There was only a ghost of a chance that either of them could make it work, make it last through all the death, treachery and uncertainty around them without ruining or losing. .. in so many ways.
But, hey. .. she worked with less.
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Sandra
Heliopolis Main Archive
A Stargate: SG-1 Fanfiction Site
Ghost of a Chance
by SandraSite Navigation
Support Heliopolis