Falling
Falling
by akosmia
Summary: There wasn't anything to hold onto anymore anyway.
Category: Angst
Season: any Season
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: 13+
Warnings: character death
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story was created for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 03/04/06
She can smell warm spice, like mulled wine. She can hear laughter, and the tearing of wrapping paper, and the jingling of decorations as small hands reach for the last presents at the back of the tree.
She can feel her fathers' hand, warm on her shoulder, his tears falling and smile beaming as she reads her school results.
She can feel him beam again as she signs her future over to the Air Force.
Somehow she can feel it isn't real, but she doesn't want to know. She likes hiding in here, in happier times. She likes the glow that all the people have. The shininess. The fragmented timeline doesn't bother her at all.
She doesn't even mind the faint coppery tang of the taste of blood that is trying so desperately to catch her attention. She's almost sure it's important, but she doesn't mind.
She can feel the G-force of her first real flight, her first turn at real controls, and smiles at the lurch in her stomach. She learnt to control the feeling long ago. She loves the freedom among the clouds, people like ants beneath her, her plane her wings as she soars and streaks across the sky.
Somewhere there's pain, cracking the edges of the image like old porcelain, threatening to destroy it completely. But she can hold on. It's not important.
She can see her team, Daniel, grinning at a dusty wall, Teal'c, nodding stoically, laughter creeping into the corners of his eyes. She can see Jack, smiling at her, handing her her pack and making some sarcastic comment about spacemonkeys. She can feel laughter, so much hope. And such warmth. She feels a flicker of regret when she sees him, but she had his friendship, and that was worth so much. She can't help but smile as she hears him muttering something about `doohickeys,' his face set in mock chastisement.
The coppery tang of blood is back again, but stronger now. She can see dark cracks appearing in her memories, hear their soundtracks becoming dulled and monotone. She suddenly feels like things are beginning to slip from her, but she can't raise the energy to fight for the pieces that fall.
//Sam? Oh, God, Sam!//
She's surprised to hear Jack's voice, echoing, but standing out from the soundtrack. It confuses her for a second, she doesn't remember him saying that, but she doesn't worry. She likes to hear his voice, its comforting.
//Sam, you've got to hold on, you hear me? Carter? Carter! That's an order!//
The world tilts for a second, she suddenly feels weightless, and she wonders what she has done to make Jack shout at her. Her memories have slipped away now, the world is black, and she can hear only faint sounds. There's some banging, a car door maybe, and the rumble of an engine from far away, and fresh blooms of pain coming from what she thinks may be her chest. The tang of blood is so strong now that she tries to spit it away, but only succeeds in making it worse. She gropes for the memories to come back, but they stubbornly refuse to re-appear. She is suddenly scared.
//Carter, don't go anywhere. I mean it. Stay with me ok? Carter! Keep your eyes open!//
She thinks that could be Jack's voice, but she's so blinded by pain that she can't seem to focus. She's slipping, falling, curling in on herself. She tries to call to him, tell him she's sorry, sorry that she can't stay with him, sorry she can't hold on, but blood closes her throat, and she chokes.
The last thing she thinks she hears could have been Jack, but she's not sure, it's too faint. She chooses to believe it anyway. She feels herself close down, there's no pain anymore, there's no anything, and she lets go.
There wasn't anything to hold onto anymore anyway.
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