Dinner
Dinner
by Rach L.
TITLE: Dinner
AUTHOR: Rach L.
EMAIL: jiwon@sprint.ca
CATEGORY: Post Maternal Instinct. Vignette, Humour (Surprise, surprise *g*), Angst. D/S. Character study?, m/f
SPOILERS: Broca Divide, Singularity, Fire and Water, In the Line of Duty, Family, Point of View, Forever In a Day, Past and Present. Little bits from every episode starting from Jolinar's Memories to Maternal Instinct. A few minor references to "Risorrezione e Fede", but nothing major.
RATING: PG.
SUMMARY: A few months worth of stress is finally getting on Sam's nerves.
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis. Stargatefan. Sandra's site. Statistical Outlier, probably.
DISCLAIMER: They're not mine. If they were, a lot of things would be different in the show by now. *g* No copyright infringement intended.
NOTE: I was experimenting with the idea, intending to write a short story, but stories just never go as I planned. Rikki requested to make Daniel walk around barefoot and since there was no way I could resist that, the story got longer. *eg* Huge thanks to Toniann for her inspiring fic. Also to Debby and Chris for their excellent beta reading, which inevitably made the story much better.
*DEDICATION*--To Rikki, who's been working so hard on her new D/S site. Rikki, you've awakened the rebel in me. *eg*
This story has nothing, I repeat, nothing to do with "Redemption". This just proves that I wander around a lot, though. *ducks*
Sam never considered herself violent. Okay, she was an Air Force major, trained to incapacitate her enemies. If her job (and survival) required it, she never hesitated to put her training in use. But she'd thought of her skill as a necessity for fighting off Goa'ulds and other enemies, not something she would willfully exercise on people.
Until now.
Noises. Someone was in her house. Ah darn it, she thought she sank deeper into the warm bath water, why did burglars or whoever have to choose right this moment to bug me? You would think, after a week from hell, she could at least enjoy peace and quiet for a while. But nooooooo, for the last few months, she had to deal with the doppelgangers of her colleagues trying to take over the SGC, the reconciliation with her old 'sort-of' flame who *could've* been love if she hadn't been infected with an alien being to crowd her judgement (really? you sure Jolinar's the reason you've let Nareem go?), a perky, stimuli-obsessed AI which made her sing 'Row, row, row your boat' out loud in the base, her CO stranded on a planet with no possible way home unless she could come up with a miraculous solution, a 'sort-of' betrayal of the same CO after she'd succeeded in bringing him back with three months of real hard work, getting confined in a cage and electrocuted for hours, and the last but not the least, finding Daniel's...no, Sha're's child (and let's not forget the chance encounter with Mother Nature. That was a rare event, even for her.). Come to think of it, the last one wasn't so bad. Her friend had finally found the child born between his dead wife and a Goa'uld, only to lose him again. Yeah, what was so bad about that?
...She was almost as bad as the Colonel now.
The point was that she was perfectly content now in her position, taking a bath (Bath! Not the god-awful last minute shower in the base!) for the last some minutes, okay, maybe an hour. If she got out now, the water was going to get cold and she had no intention of spending another approximately thirty minutes to get the water to this exact temperature. The sweet and warm scent of the rose bath milk she'd indulged to purchase in her last stop by the mall filled the bathroom and she decided she couldn't care less if Apophis or some System Lords were going to invade Earth again at this very moment.. ..Okay, she wouldn't want *that* to happen, but who cared? She was finally having some time to relax her tired mind and body. But she realized it wasn't going to happen because there was some idiotic person who'd dared to break into *her* house when she was in a seriously bad mood.
Whoever it was, she was ready to grant his death wish.
Grumbling under her breath, she stepped out from the bath and quickly put on her warm cotton nightgown, slipping into her bedroom.
There was that noise again. It was coming from her kitchen. Kitchen? Who would want to steal anything from a kitchen? *Her* kitchen, no less. It sounded like someone was going through her dishes and pans. Huh.
Analyzing her situation, Sam realized she should've kept her own gun in her house. Without a weapon or phone in her bedroom, the safest way out of this situation was to get out of the house ASAP and call the cops. She was able (and more than ready) to disable one or two men, but she didn't want to take any chances. Finding the old baseball bat that had been left unused for some time in the cabinet, she grabbed it with a full intention to use it if the situation went sour.
Sam carefully opened the bedroom door and eyed the door to outside. It wasn't *that* far. The carpet would absorb her footsteps and she was almost certain that she could get there without bumping into the intruder. If not, well, then she'd just have to show him (them) her batting skill.
Tightening her grip on the wooden bat, she took slow steps toward her target, pushing away anxiety threatened to overcome her. Just a few more steps. Yes, good. There was the door. There! Yes!
Now, if she could just reach the knob...
"Uh, Sam...?"
"Ack!!!"
Yelping, she dropped the bat...which directly fell onto her left toe. "Ouch!"
"Uh...you okay, Sam?" A familiar voice asked her.
Ahhhhhhhh!
"Do I *look* okay to you, Daniel?" She whirled around to face the tall, brownish blond intruder who was standing at the doorway to the kitchen, wearing an apron--wait a minute, an apron?--and that 'I-could-do-no-wrong' expression of his.
"Um, sorry. Didn't mean to scare you...but uh, what were you doing with that?" Daniel asked her, eyeing the bat fearfully as she picked it up angrily.
She snapped at him, "No, the question is, what are *you* doing here? How the hell did you get in here?" Dammit, he almost gave her a heart attack.
"Um," Daniel gave her one of his sheepish smiles which softened her right away with its powerful disarming effect. (This also worked on every single nurse in the infirmary. As one of his teammates and a close friend, she had years of getting used to his smile, but it didn't make her immune to it. Drat.) He hesitantly spoke, "I knocked on the door a few times, but you didn't answer."
Oh-oh. She hadn't heard a thing. Had she nodded off a little in the bath? Good going, Sam. What would've happened if it was a *real* burglar?
"And Mildred," Daniel grinned to himself as he talked about Sam's landlady, "She saw me knocking on the door while struggling with the grocery bags. Guess she felt sorry for me. So..."
So Mildred opened the door for him. She grumbled a little to herself and finally said, "Well, she likes you." As if there was anyone who didn't like him in this building. Daniel seemed to have captivated interests of many elderly ladies in the building with his natural, good-hearted manners. They were ready to marry her to him already, asking about him whenever they saw her, no matter how many times she'd explained Daniel was just her colleague. Their insistent questions about the 'nice young man' was no longer a laughable matter to her and it was becoming a ritual irritation.
For the first few months she'd moved here, she'd tried to avoid having Daniel, Teal'c, the Colonel or any other person with Y chromosome in her house. But of course it hadn't stopped the questions. So, she'd given up. And when the Colonel had been gone, Daniel had freely come to her house to research together. To forget about his best friend's absence, she presumed. Which, of course, was the reason she usually got to spend one full hour listening to the wedding stories of her landlady and her groups of friends when she came back from the missions.
But she didn't expect Daniel to be here today. Not today.
Daniel fidgeted restlessly and gave her an apologetic glance. "I thought you weren't back from the base yet. I'm really sorry. I just thought it'd be okay to wait inside."
At that, shock, anger and unreasonable annoyance were washed away in an instant and she felt an overwhelming embarrassment. *What* had see been she thinking? A burglar?
It was stress. Just stress.
"I'm sorry, Daniel. I," she admitted rather painfully, "I'm just a bit...edgy today." She was disappointed at herself for snapping at Daniel. Daniel didn't deserve that. Especially not today. What she should tell him was the truth, that she was very glad to see him and she was very sorry about his--no, she reminded herself again, Sha're's--child, but her lips wouldn't move to form the words. She only managed to say, "Is something wrong? What's up?"
"Huh?" Daniel gave her a confused look. "Uh, isn't it our get-together night? This *is* the second Sunday of the month, right?" He furrowed his eyebrows to check the calendar hanging on her living room wall. "It is. Did you forget?"
How could she forget?
"No, no. But I thought the Colonel and Teal'c were going over to your place today, you know, doing things that...men do?" At least that was how the Colonel had put it.
She winced. Okay, did she just sound like a kindergarten kid complaining to her friend 'But why are you playing with him and not me'?
He looked up, pushing up the glasses that'd been hanging at the bridge of his nose for sometime now and grinned slightly. "Well, after watching the same hockey game for like three times, even *Jack* was falling asleep, so I asked Teal'c to go take him home."
"And the Colonel listened?" She asked incredulously.
"He didn't admit it, but he was really tired. And well, I guess I pushed him a little."
"How?" Oh, she could guess, really, but she had to hear it from Daniel.
Daniel has a smug grin on his face. "I told him to be gone before I start lecturing him on the comparison between Chinese, Korean and Japanese Dynasties. He was gone faster than I could say 'Gone with the Wind'. And hey, I'm not about to give up a wonderful night of research with you for a, a, uh, night of hockey game rerun tapes."
She could feel an involuntary small smile tugging at her lips.
"But obviously you didn't think I'd come," he said, looking at her with a knowing expression.
"I thought you'd rather be with the Colonel."
"Oh?" He looked at her strangely, leaning on the doorframe of her kitchen. "Why would you think that?"
Because you just lost your purpose again, Daniel. And you should be with your friend, someone who understands you the most.
And that wasn't her. She admitted that. When Daniel was in trouble, Teal'c would be the first one to get him *out* of the trouble and the Colonel would be there to get Daniel up back on his feet. The Colonel was his best friend, although their friendship almost got shattered with the Colonel's 'sort-of' retirement. Sure, she'd been there for Daniel and Teal'c and they'd been there for her, but what she had with them didn't really compare to what the Colonel had with Daniel and Teal'c. And especially to what he had with Daniel.
Was she jealous of the close friendship the Colonel and Daniel shared?
Why, for god's sake? Was she this low and selfish to feel some sort of sibling rivalry with the colonel about Daniel? They were a team and they trusted each other with their lives. What more possibly could she want?
"Nothing, Daniel. It's nothing." She smiled at him reassuringly, but Daniel was clearly not buying it. It wasn't really fair. He knew her too well.
"Sam," Daniel started out, taking a step toward her.
She really didn't want this. He would come to her, look at in the eyes and ask her what was wrong, like he'd done when her heart had been breaking for Cassie, when Jolinar had died in her and so many other times when her life hit the lowest. And she'd melt, weak in front of his unreserved, sincere concern for her. She couldn't have that. She was a soldier. It wasn't allowed for her to lean on people, especially if it was her friend with enough emotional baggage himself, who suffered too much already. It wasn't allowed for her to lean on him. Not as a friend, or else.
Else? Where did that come from?
She was definitely stressed.
"Sam. Are you okay?"
Daniel was staring at her with concern and Sam desperately looked for a diversion. Then, she noticed a peculiar smell coming out from the kitchen. "Do you smell that? Is something...burning?"
"Ah!" Daniel stopped his way to her and ran inside the kitchen. "The chicken!"
Saved by the bell, as they say.
"What is it?" She tried to follow him in, hiding her relieved sigh.
Daniel yelled loudly, "Sam, don't come in! It's a mess in here!"
"What are you doing in there?!"
After a few seconds of grumbling and groaning, Daniel jumped out from the kitchen, face flushed. "Um, cooking, but it's not going well as you can smell, obviously."
"Cooking?" Well, she guessed *that* much. But for the hours and hours of time they'd spent together researching and sharing theories on how the 'Gate worked, she'd never seen him doing anything that was related to cooking except for heating up MRE's on missions, operating coffee machines in the offices, or finding a phone book (Hmm, 'C' for Chinese, 'I' for Italian... Such a multinational cook.) for take out delivery So the image of Daniel cooking most definitely piqued her interest.
"Yes. Well, I wanted it to be a surprise, but not anymore, I guess. At least it's not burned completely, so that's something." He looked down at his feet, blushing a little.
Feet, uh... She realized something new. "You're barefoot."
"Huh?" He looked up to meet her gaze and followed her eyes down to his feet again. "Oh, this." If he'd been blushing just thirty seconds before, his face was burning now. "It just feels, um, good. Guess I picked it up from that temple. Hope you don't mind though."
She most certainly didn't mind. He looked comfortable and almost at...home. And that was more than good enough for her. "Make yourself at home, Daniel."
At that, he looked up at her suddenly, his eyes containing the depth of his thoughts she couldn't begin to grasp.
And she felt awfully uncomfortable. "So, um, what are you cooking? Are you ever going to tell me about it?"
He blinked, a bit startled, then grinned at her again, his expression now much lighter and happy. "Surprise, Sam. Surprise. So give me about, uh, half an hour or so. It's almost done."
She wasn't sure if she would really want to eat whatever he was cooking (the Colonel had warned her about Daniel's authentic cooking once long time ago), but she was extremely curious. "Can I peek?"
Daniel was about to turn around and get into the kitchen, but stopped at her question. "No, absolutely not. No cook reveals his secret to commoners."
She felt the knot that'd been forming in her chest dissolving at his playful answer. This was better. Comfortable, easy. She could handle this. She just needed to answer playfully too. "Aw, come on, Daniel."
"Nope, no peeking allowed. You'll just have to wait." He smiled at her mischievously.
"And you can't make me. Doctor Jackson, you're stopping me from getting into my own kitchen." She feigned a frown as Daniel kept blocking her view inside the kitchen.
"You'll ruin the surprise, and Sam, just, ah, one thing." He put out a finger to stop her from speaking out. "Could you just--", he smiled at her a bit anxiously, "--put down the bat now?"
She *completely* forgot about the bat. Oops.
Smiling evilly, she grabbed the baseball bat (which she'd been holding like a lightsaber until that moment) even more tightly in threatening manner. "Not until you say I can peek."
Faking a frightened look, Daniel backed out, putting up his hands in defensive posture. "Alright, alright, you're the Captain Doctor!"
Putting down the bat, she smiled at the nickname. The name he'd called her when they'd first met. That'd been a good time, things had been better. Daniel, with his innocent passion, had searched for his lost wife however the odds of finding her had been. She'd thought he'd beat the odds. She'd been so sure.
Sha're was dead now and Daniel would never be the Daniel who used to call her Captain Doctor with an awkward, but genuine smile.
It hurt her.
"But," Daniel continued, seemingly not noticing the look on her face, "Then you're volunteering yourself to cut and dice for me."
Carefully masking her expression with a neutral look, she answered, "Cut and dice. I think I can handle that."
"And no talk about trigonometry involving cutting some fruit this time, okay?"
She pulled a face at him. "Why?"
He had 'well, let's count the reasons, shall we?' expression on his face as he pointed out, "As I recall, last time when you were baking the chocolate chip cookies with Cassie, you were too involved in solving the mystery of dynamic changes in the shapes of cookie dough in relation to the geometric theory you were working on at that time, you showed Cassie how chocolate chip cookies taste like without the actual chocolate chips."
Gee. How did she just know he'd bring that up? She declared amusedly, "Hah, I'll see just how good of a cook you are in a minute, Daniel!"
She was about to rush into the kitchen when Daniel put out his arm to stop her gently, "Sam, I think you'd probably want to...change first."
"Change?"
He smiled at her with a glint in his eyes, "I'm not sure if you want to be caught dead in that outfit."
Outfit? She looked down at herself and realized, god, she was still wearing her big, old nightgown. She wasn't going to blush. She wasn't. Daniel had seen her in her worse shape before. Even in Hell. How she looked didn't really matter to him.
Was that supposed to be a good thing? She was, after all, a woman. A soldier, yeah, a scientist, yeah, but contrary to popular belief, she had feelings too. She wanted to look good and to be praised for it. If a guy stared at her like she was beautiful, of course it felt good. But Daniel didn't seem to care how her hair was arranged, how her face was without her make-up or anything else. It really didn't matter to him.
Okay, but it mattered to her.
"Yeah, change sounds good. I'll just--", she gestured the room, "--change." Hurriedly, she rushed into her bedroom and closed the door fast.
This was going to be some research night.
"Ahh!"
Looking through the closet, Sam struggled to find the right outfit. Why was she doing this again? The question was still left unanswered, but it was more important to find the right outfit at this moment.
T-shirts. Cashmere. Blouses. Old jeans. Black leather jackets (She did have way too many of those, she admitted). Sundress...
A sundress?
She took out a black sundress with flowers on it. This was the one she'd worn at Daniel's wake. His wake. God, that was long time ago. She could've forgotten about it by now. But it was still in her memory, still waking her up in the middle of the night, haunting her with the image of Daniel on fire, burning, screaming...
She never wanted to experience that again. She couldn't lose him. Or the Colonel, Teal'c, Janet... They were the essence of her life now. If she lost them...
She wasn't going to think about this. Now, concentrate. What else was in the closet?
...and exactly why was she looking for nice outfit? It was just a research night with Daniel. Nothing out of ordinary. She hadn't gone through this procedure of looking for 'right outfit' since the night Ellen had tried to set her up with what's-his-name, telling her she needed to get a life, start building home.
Yeah, right, a life, home. Ellen didn't know what Sam was doing for a living, just how dangerous, fascinating and important it was, and because of that, she couldn't dream of normal life. Normal life? What was it anyway? Getting married? Having children? Sharing her life with someone else? Sharing toothpaste with some guy? There was a quote from Medea of the Greek myth on husbands that she still remembered. 'Not only we have to pay for them, we have to leave with them.' My, wasn't she right about that! There were more important things for her to do, one of them being saving the world from annihilation.
...Liar.
She still remembered the way Cassie looked in the park, her eyes sparking with happiness, already blending with Earth and its people. Cassie was at her home. But with Janet, not her.
She wasn't Superwoman, goddammit, but she felt like one most of the time. She was only human and she did think about getting married and having children just like anyone else. She might hide it better than others because of years of training, years of practice at slipping into her nonchalant look. Yes, she admitted to herself, she did look for 'Husband Material' around her once or twice, but only when she felt this low. From airmen to the Colonels, she just sort of looked around (Against regulations, against regulations, against regulations, yeah, right.), although after Jonas, she had no intention of getting involved with another military guy. But there was no harm in looking, right?
...Okay, there wasn't going to be anymore wedding story session with Mildred from now on, she decided. Mildred was just getting to her with her happy, not-down-to earth stories.
Outfit, right. Let's go back to closet.
And she had...tank tops. She'd developed a tendency to avoid wearing tank tops at all cost after P3X 797, when she'd become 'Touched' and...
Don't go there.
But once she lost the control of the rein, her mind started to wonder. Colonel Jack O'Neill, her excellent CO, with perky sense of humour and kind (even though he'd never admit it) heart, someone the Drs. Samantha Carter in both other universes were engaged or married to. What was she supposed to think about this? Was there something going on between her and the Colonel? Was there supposed to? Every time she thought about it, her head started to spin. So she usually avoided thinking about it, but the thought turned up its ugly head once in a while.
And sometimes, there was Daniel. He was, as described by Mildred, perfect husband material. He was, really. What Mildred didn't know was Daniel had been married for a long time (Okay, a year, but that was a long time for a man like Daniel) and his heart would never belong to another person other than Sha're.
Then what about Ke'ra?
She sat down on the bed, feeling her legs weakening. The last few months were finally catching up with her.
Why couldn't she have a normal life? What was so wrong about that? She was a person before a soldier or a scientist. Why couldn't she have her family, her home? Teal'c had his in the Land of Light. The Colonel had made his on Edora, with Laura. Even Daniel tried to love someone after Sha're's death. It didn't work out for Daniel, but he tried nonetheless. Why couldn't she try? Why had she pushed Nareem out? Why?
Sha're's baby, even though Sam only had a glimpse of him, was beautiful, making her wonder if she'd ever be able to feel her child in her arms.
It made her sad.
Stop it, Sam. Stop it. What's *wrong* with you?
Headache. That was it. She was just tired, that was all. Maybe she was a bit, she cringed as she told herself, lonely. She should probably go visit Cassie. She wished the Tok'ra would decide to contact them and her dad could come home to her.
But was Earth his home now?
Damn it.
And she still hadn't decided what to wear yet.
When she came back to the kitchen, displeased, but settling with a T-shirt and jeans, Daniel was hovering over a pot, completely oblivious to her presence.
She leaned on the doorframe, watching him. He was concentrating on stirring the pot filled with pasta as if his life was depending on it. Her small dining table was set up for two people, with white plates, forks, knives and even a vase with flowers in it. Where did he find that vase anyway? The flowers? Did he bring them here? It felt strange to see him walking around barefoot in her house, but it also felt comforting. Maybe he was getting over finding the Harsesis child better than she'd thought he had. She couldn't stop a small grin from slipping onto her face.
It felt like home.
...God, why was she still doing this to herself?
"Sam?" Daniel was looking at her now.
Hurriedly pushing the thought from her mind, she spoke, "Yes, Mr. Cook of the Day. Well, since you're working really hard, I'll forgive you for making a dishwasher out of my kitchen." She eyed the cooking table covered with plates, plastic bags and utensils.
"Ahhh, sorry about this," Daniel hurriedly put away some dirty dishes in the sink. "I'll do the dishwashing later."
"So," unable to hide her smile, Sam tapped on the table, "what can I do for you?"
"Okay, see that case of mangoes over there? Dice that for me."
She grabbed a small knife and took her place beside Daniel. "So, what's the name of this masterpiece, Daniel?" The sweet, fresh aroma of mango was making her hungry.
"Well," he was looking over something in the frying pan, probably still working on salvaging the half burned chicken. "It doesn't exactly have a name. Sha're--" he paused abruptly.
Her appetite disappeared all of a sudden. The steam coming out from the pot shadowed his face, making it impossible for Sam to read his expression. She asked carefully, "Daniel?"
"Yeah," Daniel turned to her, his face masked with an awkward smile, "Sha're used to make a dish with T'nusg, a sort of meat we had in Abydos. And of course I couldn't find it here, so I'm substituting chicken instead. It tasted like...chicken." His eyes were distant, just like every time he was thinking about Abydos and his lost love. "Everything tasted like chicken."
She felt like an unwelcomed intruder in his memory.
"Anyway," Daniel spoke loudly, shaking his head lightly, and breaking the momentary tension formed between them, "I couldn't find anything that resembles the sauce she used to make, so I've come up with curry paste and mango. And addrf pasta. See? I'm good."
"I wouldn't hurry myself to form a judgement before I actually taste it, if I were you," she said as lightly as possible, again pushing back the dark thoughts.
"Oh, don't worry. Wouldn't want to give you food poisoning. I practiced it before today and yes, I tasted it and it was excellent." He gave her a proud look and that relaxed her considerably.
"Great, then you can show this to Mrs. Holmes."
He blinked. "Mrs. Holmes?"
She smiled at him wickedly and eyed the mango nonchalantly. "She wanted to introduced you to her daughter Clarissa, the pianist, remember? I think she thinks of you as a perfect son-in-law material. If she gets to know you can also cook as well as so many other things..."
He groaned, flipping the chicken breast, "Sam, please, let's not go there."
"What?" Smiling, she attacked yet another mango, knowing just exactly why Daniel would be horrified at the mention of the nice lady they'd gotten to know from their last visit to the church last Easter.
Shaking his head, he continued to grill the chicken, "Last time, Mrs. Holmes asked every possible question she could come up with for the five minutes while you were gone. From 'what's your job' to 'how do you like your coffee'. I'd say it's a crime to be that blunt."
She couldn't help but smile at his grumbling face. "The Colonel's right. Your charm is hazardous to your health."
Daniel gave her an accusing look. "Thanks, Sam. I knew I could count on you." Finally finishing up with the chicken, he went back to the pasta.
Realizing he was occupied with mastering his work, she stole a piece from the diced mangoes and tasted it. It literally melted in her mouth.
"Hey, no eating off the plate!" Daniel shouted while pulling out the pasta from the pot. He drained it and put it onto the two plates.
She complained, "But it's so good."
"I need that mango now, please." Daniel took the plate triumphantly from her and put mango into the prepared sauce.
She whined, feeling suddenly giddy with her five-year-old act, "Can I have one more piece? Just one! Daniel, please." Thirty minutes with Daniel, and she was reduced into this. But surprisingly, she didn't mind.
"Okay," he shook his head amusedly, giving up, "but just one." He grabbed one piece and approached her with a sigh. "Open your mouth."
Without a second of hesitation, his fingers slid into her mouth, leaving her with the sour yet sweet taste. Sour yet sweet. Inviting and tempting. It tasted like the tantalizing emotion, something she couldn't...
What was she thinking?
Something was wrong with her. Officially. Maybe she'd picked up some kind of virus again. Maybe she needed to call Janet. Maybe she just needed to go back to the base and get a check-up.
"Now, sit down and wait for me to arrive with the work of my life." Daniel smiled playfully, seemingly not noticing the expression on her face.
She followed his words and sat down, suddenly feeling extremely tired. Daniel busied himself, moving his bare feet hurriedly to add various spices in the sauce. He looked so comfortable in her Mickey Mouse apron.
Comfortable...
"So," she decided she'd better start a conversation of sort before she went crazy, "what's the occasion?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"Come on, Daniel. We all know you don't cook except for the Kraft frozen dinner set. I've got you a dozen just last month."
"Nothing. I just feel like sharing a meal with you." He wasn't looking at her. Why?
"Spill it, Daniel. You know you're going to tell me one way or the other."
"Really, I just wanted to have dinner with you and I felt like cooking. Does that sound so strange?"
Actually, yes, it did sound strange. They didn't 'do' dinner together. It was always about work this, work that. And he still wasn't meeting her eyes. His face was expressionless. It looked like the one he'd worn when they left the temple without Sha're's child, the emotionless look he'd been wearing after her death, zombie like, dead...
No. God, no.
Daniel had lost his goal, his purpose again. His goal had been finding Sha're. And after her death, the Harsesis child. Ever since hearing about Daniel's vision induced by Amaunet's grip, the one in which Daniel had left the SGC, she'd wondered what would happen once he found the boy. It didn't matter how much he loved learning about new cultures and all the excitement. It didn't matter how much he hated the Goa'uld and ready to fight them to defend Earth. It all came down to one thing: he'd left once. Didn't matter if it was a dream or not. He'd left once. He might do it again. And as for the baby, Oma Desala would take care of him. There was no personal crusade for Daniel in this anymore.
And there was that moment in the temple. She hadn't trusted Daniel's words. Actually she'd trusted him, but at the same time, she'd been so sure they'd die if they abandoned their weapons. It'd been the soldier in her speaking.
Daniel had said with stony expression, 'Jack, if you're ever going to trust me on anything, now is the time.' And they hadn't responded right away. Daniel would've been disappointed in them. She would be.
And was this enough reason for him to leave?
This was ridiculous, Sam told herself. Daniel wouldn't leave. He wouldn't. He loved being in the SGC and he was finally finding some stability in his life after her death. Finding the baby wouldn't change anything. This thought was extremely illogical, making absolutely no sense.
It was just stress.
"Earth to Sam?" Daniel was now standing in front of her. "Are you feeling alright?"
His blue eyes were worried.
What would she do if Daniel decided to leave?
This dinner thing wasn't a good idea. She didn't want to be here. The Colonel would know what to say to Daniel. Teal'c would be tolerant, caring toward Daniel. But what was she supposed to do? Her mind just went blank.
"Nothing, Daniel. Nothing's wrong." Judging from the look on his face, she had obviously failed to slip into her nonchalant expression. Not that it would help her hide anything from him anyway.
"Sam," Daniel spoke softly, "If something's bothering you..."
She caught up very quickly, finally figuring out what to say, "I was just thinking about tonight's topic of research discussion. Kheb wasn't obviously one of the places the Goa'uld controlled. So we're closer to knowing who actually built the Stargate. It might be Mother Nature, Oma Desala? What do you think?" She masked herself with her discussion mode. It had that familiar feeling to it. Safe.
"Oh," Daniel nodded, still looking suspicious, but deciding to let it drop. "Actually, I was thinking more like, I don't know, resting?"
"Resting..?" She repeated the word, not comprehending.
He turned away and grabbed a spoon, pouring the sauce into the plates with pasta. "You're tired, Sam. You need to give yourself a break. At least for today."
He cared.
She couldn't bear losing him. She couldn't take it anymore.
She found herself blurting out without thinking, "Daniel, are you, are you leaving?"
"Wait, it's almost done. Yes!" He turned to face her, bringing the two plates to the table with a satisfied look. "Ta-dah!"
Her mouth was dropped instantly at the food. It looked incredibly delicious. "Wow, Daniel. This looks really, uh, good. Wow."
"Uh-huh. You look surprised. What did you expect?" He smiled and asked, "Oh, and what you mean am I leaving? Leaving where?"
Maybe she was sick. First she felt the violent urges, then being plagued by unthinkable...possibilities and then thinking Daniel might leave? What the *hell* was she thinking?
She was definitely sick.
"Sam," Daniel sighed deeply, "Whatever is bothering you, I can listen. I can be a good listener once in a while." He smiled reassuringly.
Wasn't that supposed to be *her* role?
She needed to tell him. He deserved that much from her. After a long pause, she gathered herself enough to speak barely audibly, "I'm sorry I didn't trust your words back there in the temple, Daniel."
His blue eyes were momentarily troubled, but he recovered quickly. "No, Sam. It's okay. I know I wouldn't have put down my weapon if the situation was reversed." Daniel was trying hard to look nonchalant but she knew better.
"No, you would have." It killed her to say this, but she said it out loud at last. This was the problem. He would've have trusted her, the Colonel or Teal'c and put down his weapon if it had been them who had said that. No matter how strange it might've sounded. He'd have trusted them.
She was disappointed. Annoyed and angry with herself. "I promised you my faith and I didn't give it to you. I'm sorry, Daniel."
They were silent for a while.
"Sam," he started out quietly, "I thought about it. I thought about it really hard."
She listened, still overwhelmed by disappointment at herself.
He had that thoughtful look on his face, as if speaking to himself, not to her. "You were right to doubt the power. It did turn out it didn't belong to me, didn't it? And Jack was right not to abandon the weapons right away. It wasn't just his life or his trust in me at risk. He's the commander. He had to think about you, Teal'c, Bra'tac and...okay, me. Can't say I feel great about having to admit this, but well, I guess there is some reason behind Jack's actions...and please don't tell him I said that." He smiled at her sheepishly. "Can't take his gloating."
"But you were right about putting down the weapons. You saved our lives." She pointed out.
"But you did put down your weapons, didn't you? We're all safe and accounted for. That's what matters the most."
He was lighthearted. She couldn't believe her eyes.
"You know," Daniel shook his head, amused, "it took six bottles of beer for Jack to tell me he's feeling some sort of 'sorry' thing about what happened in the temple."
"What did you tell him?" She asked cautiously.
"'Can it, Jack.'" He smiled mischievously. "Oh well, always wanted to say that to him."
"Daniel," she swallowed, "why are we having dinner now?"
"Of course we're having dinner now. Do you usually eat lunch at night?"
He could be such a baby sometimes. Men. "Daniel..."
"Okay, I admit it. That was...lame. But, you'd have laughed if it was Jack who said that!"
"No, if it was the Colonel who said that, I've have kicked his ass. Now, what is it?" She had to know.
"Well." He looked uneasy for a few seconds, but he soon spoke up, taking a deep breath, "When I touched his cheek," he was talking about Sha're's child, Sam knew, "I realized that I wanted to make my home. The place I can come back to. Real home."
Home.
"After her...death," he still had problem speaking about Sha're, but he winced less visibly now, "I think I've been...floating, resenting making connections to anyone or anybody. But it's hard, Sam. He, the monk from the temple, said I must trust. I must believe."
"Oh." She was speechless.
He faced her and spoke sincerely, "I've been on Earth for three years now, but I guess in the back of my mind, I'd been thinking of Abydos as my home. But I realized. Finally. You were right. If I'm going to trust or believe in something, that had to be you guys. Jack, Teal'c and you. I want to build my home here. With all of you."
Her lips weren't able to form the words again. So she nodded slowly. At least she could move her face...
"We've decided to go and watch Mission Impossible 2 tomorrow. You're coming right?"
She tried to hide her trembling voice, and joked, "Why would I want to see a mindless action movie when my life is one?"
"For you? Two words: Tom Cruise."
"Daniel! You heard--"
His eyes were glittering with humour. "You and Janet talking about him, yes, I heard it. Just be thankful it wasn't Jack who heard it. Well, apparently Jack wants to ask if Teal'c can do that climbing stuff Tom Cruise does in the preview, so we're all going, and therefore you're going as well. No choice. You're stuck with us."
Why were her eyes getting all wet?
"For today, um, I thought I should do something to celebrate, as a sort of cleansing ritual and suddenly, I just remembered this. Sha're's number one dish. Something--" he looked down, "--something that I thought I'd never taste again."
She wasn't about to cry. She wasn't. This had to be some residual effect of stress. "I'm sure you won't taste it again. Face it, Daniel. You have many talents, but your cooking skill is less than desired. Sha're's a good cook. I remember that."
He stared at her for a long time, then smiled at her warmly. "Thank you, Sam."
"For what...?" She trailed off, afraid that her voice would break anytime soon.
"For being such a good friend. And, for making me feel like this is my home too."
That was it. She couldn't stop the tears. "Anytime, Daniel.. ...Anytime."
Now, this would be a photographic moment: an Air Force Major smiling like a fool, while her face was all teary.... Where was the camera when she needed one?
Actually, she thanked God there wasn't one around here.
"Hey." Daniel grinned sheepishly. "My masterpiece is getting cold. Let's dig in!"
"All of this?" It was a lot, all right.
"Oh, and more. I bought chocolate chip Haggen-Dazs ice cream."
"I didn't know having me pig out was the ultimate purpose here."
Daniel frowned and ordered, "You're finishing up that whole plate. I cooked, and I'm cleaning. So the least you can do is eat it for me."
"Alright, alright. Gee. I'm digging in."
The food tasted awful actually, but that night, she told him it tasted great.
*End*
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