Surface Air
Surface Air
by Allison West
TITLE: Surface Air
AUTHOR: Allison West
EMAIL: awest@pcpostal.com
CATEGORY: Missing Scene/Epilogue, Friendship, Romance
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SPOILERS: Upgrades
SEASON / SEQUEL: 5
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: none
SUMMARY: Epilogue to Upgrades. Sam and Jack go to the surface for some air. . . .
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: It didn't turn out exactly as I had planned. The ending caused me a lot of problems but I hope you enjoy it. If you did send me some feedback.
Knock. Knock.
Sam looked up at the door. She knew who it was and why he was here, she didn’t want to face him though. Today had been a rough day…for both of them. She was still dizzy from the high she had been on a few hours ago. The adrenalin which had coursed through her veins had still to fully dissipate. She wasn’t in the mood to talk about what had happen, not now while her blood was still hot and her pulse rapid. Those tense moments played through her mind like a filmstrip. She saw herself from afar, the events of the situation playing out before her. It isn’t easy knowing that your about to die, that your number is up, that the final moments of your life are being played out before you. Your body and mind try to prepare you for it. They try to warn you, to make you realise what is about to happen to you. You’re going to die..and you’re going to take someone with you. Your heart beats fast in your breast as you try desperately to break through that force shield. Your mind swarms with images but one thought penetrates your existence, ‘No, he can’t stay. He’ll die…’
But he won’t go.
He won’t leave you.
Your mind screams for him to leave, for him to live. But he doesn’t listen. He won’t leave you. You start to panic and your body shakes, the tears well in your eyes.
"Sir, just go!"
"NO!"
And then everything stops. You are frozen, lost in his eyes and it’s then that you know. It hits you like a train. A hundred different emotions and feelings all centred around this one man. You’re heart echoes in your ears as you see the same emotions in his eyes. Like a wave it hits you both and the galaxy stops for a single moment where it’s just you and him. One shared thought flows between you. A feeling. A desperate longing. Something that had been hidden but was now at the surface, bare and naked for all to see. Then off in the recesses of your consciousness you hear a loud explosion, the C4, and your mind jolts you out of your daze as you fall to the ground. And you are free. And death has left you for today as you are jolted back to reality. Running, running down the halls of a Mothership. Your internal musings long vanished as you run to the safety of the glistening puddle of standing water. You are safe. You are here. But now that you have returned how do you react when it’s over? How do you deal with what has transpired? You retreat to the sanctity of your lab and pray that it will pass and that you won’t have to confront this "thing" between you…
"Come in", she said without looking up from her computer. The door made a slight creak as it opened, its hinges in desperate need of oil. He stood, hands buried deeply in his pockets as he leaned against the door jamb. It had only been a few hours since they had seen each other last. The briefing was quick, they had given the most important information but left out the details of what had transpired between them. Neither was going to reveal that. It was something that was better left unsaid. It was a feeling that there were no words to describe and it certainly wasn’t appropriate for a mission report. So they had made a silent pact that they would keep it to themselves. They had parted ways at the Infirmary, neither speaking about what had happened. For them it was business as usual. Sam retreated to the Lab, Jack to his office. Now he was here. He just stood there in the doorway, his eyes focused on the floor. She looked up at him. He looked pensive, almost distant. He looked up and their eyes met.
"Was there something I could do for you, sir?", she asked him, trying to keep her voice even. The nerves in her body were alight with a kind of feeling she had never experienced before. It wasn’t fear, yet it wasn’t ease either. It was the knowledge that the cat was out of the bag and now they had to deal with it. She was nervous about what he was going to say. Her mind was telling her to run away now, but a part of her heart was begging her to stay.
"Umm, no, no…I was just wondering if your arm was okay. You fell on it when the C4 went off". He walked into the room and pushed the door closed with his foot. He sat down on the small uncomfortable stool at the end of the bench, hands still buried deep in pockets so as not to fidget with any of her toys.
"Oh, it’s fine", she said holding up her arm and looking at it. "Janet says its just a minor bruise, nothing to worry about".
"That’s good", he said, his eyes wandering around the room, purposely avoiding hers.
Neither knew what to say. There was a tension in the air, neither wanting to broach the subject and say what needed to be said. They sat there in silence for several moments before Jack spoke. "I don’t know about you but all that excitement today has got me a little shaky.."
"Janet says it’s the excess adrenalin in our systems. It should pass within a few hours. That and the fact that we’re still suffering from the effects of the armbands", Sam told him. "I know *my* nerves have been all over the place, I can’t sit still".
"Do you…do you want to go up to the surface for a walk? I know I could use a bit of fresh air before I get stuck into that mission report", his voice was a little strained. He wasn’t sure if this was a good idea but he had to talk to her about what had happened and they certainly couldn’t do it inside the mountain. Besides, he wasn’t lying, he really did need some air. There were only so many hours you could stay twenty-eight floors underground without going a little crazy. The afternoons events had also left him a little perturbed. He needed to get some air and clear his head and he couldn’t do that stuck inside the hot, stuffy environment of the base. He caught her eye then. She knew what he was doing, it was an invitation for them to talk. To talk about what happened and decide what needed to be done. She had the choice now. Both of them knew that it had to be confronted. They had to stop running from it and talk about it. They should have done it along time ago, after Edora, hell, even after Jolinar, it had existed that long.
"Sure", a small nervous smile graced her lips as she stood up, clearing some papers and sliding them into the crisp manilla folder on the desk. "Now that you mention it, a little fresh air would be nice".
"Good", he said, getting up and opening the door for her. She walked around the bench and out of the lab. "After all it has been a while since we’ve been topside." He turned off the lights and closed the door behind them as they turned and walked down the corridor to the elevator.
The ride in the elevator had been silent. Their was an air of nervousness as they exited the elevator and went to the doors at the end off the corridor that led to the outside world. The young airman at the door acknowledged them with a small nod as they exited the building into the warm evening air. The sun had just recently set and the grass was bathed in the deep blue twilight. Sam breathed in deeply, taking the fresh air into her lungs. ‘God that felt good’. It was very quiet, there was no one around. During the day this area would be a haven for officers on their cigarette breaks, but at night when the bustling offices of the North American Air Defence Command went to sleep and the mountain was locked down, the area was deserted. The grassy slopes of the mountain looked so different at night, the trees looked tall and dark. She could see the small silver sliver of the moon beginning to appear in the eastern sky.
"Beautiful night, sir", Sam commented, as they walked together. They walked side by side but a sizeable gap was left between them.
"Yeah. Ya know, no matter how many planets we visit I don’t think any of them can top the night sky of Earth".
"Yeah, when we actually get the time to see it", she joked.
"Yeah", he laughed, a smile forming on his lips. "They do keep us locked up in there long enough don’t they".
She smiled at his comment as they continued walking slowly down the small slope away from the complex. Looking out down over the mountain the lights of Colorado Springs could be seen in the distance. A thousand little twinkling lights dancing across the horizon. There was a gentle breeze blowing through the trees and Sam loved the feel of it against her face. It was calm up here at night, not like in the mountain. It was good to get out for a while. The breeze was good at calming her nerves. Ever since he had walked into her lab she had been on edge, anticipating what might happen and no knowing how to face it. She wondered when he was going to broach the subject, or would he ignore it and leave their walk at just that.
"So…", Jack started. "Long day, huh?"
"Yes, sir", Sam looked at her feet as they walked.
"But we made it back in one piece though, so I guess that’s something". There was a long silence. Jack stopped walking and looked up at the night sky. Sam watched him as he was deep in thought. She could tell what he was thinking. He was trying to figure out what to say to her. He never was good with his feelings, but then again neither was she. They both kept their feelings so close to them, never expressing them or talking about them to anyone, but that didn’t make them any less important or less profound. Jack moved and sat down on the grass, legs up, his forearms resting on his knees. Sam looked down at him. She could see how nervous and confused he was. At that moment she made the decision that she would face her fear. She dropped her knees to the ground and sat down next to him in silence.
"Today was pretty intense, wasn’t it?", she said.
"Heh, you can say that again"
"It feels like a dream. I can’t get it out of head, it just keeps playing over and over in my mind. All I see is you on the other side of that force shield".
"I couldn’t get to you", he stated, his voice full of lament.
They sat in silence then for several minutes, neither really knowing what to say to the other. The wind could be heard whistling through the trees, and the rustling of the leaves filled the air. Sam looked across at Jack, it was getting harder to see his face as the darkness continued to fall, but the outlined silhouette of his features was unmistakable. He had risked his life for her today, how could she ever repay him?
"Thank you", she whispered.
"For what?", he asked turning his head to look at her.
"For not leaving me".
"I’d never leave you", he whispered. "Besides, I knew we’d make it".
"How did you know?", she asked.
"A feeling. I dunno, I guess I just felt that it couldn’t end like that, not after we…", he didn’t finished the sentence, instead he just stared at the ground in front of him.
"Not after we knew we loved each other", she finished quietly.
"Yeah", he admitted softly.
They sat in companionable silence for several minutes. Jack stretched his arms and placed them behind his head and leaned back on the grass looking up at the stars.
"How long?", she asked in a tentative voice. Jack contemplated the question. She was asking him how long he had had feelings for her. The truth was that he didn’t know. He had always had feelings for her, ever since that day she had walked into that briefing room and he saw her for the first time. But he was different person back then, still living in the wake of his son’s death and the break up of his marriage. Slowly he had opened up, leaving the dark place he was in and making a new life. He’d gotten to know her, they’d become friends, saved each others lives more than once. He had so much admiration for her. She was a brilliant scientist and a brave soldier. She never treated him like he was dumb, she had patience and understanding. She had such a great capacity to care for others. He thought about everything they had been through, trying to pinpoint the moment when he realised that he was in love with her.
"I’m not sure exactly", he said, his gaze still turned skywards. "I think I’ve always subconsciously had feelings for you from the moment I saw you. But if you’re asking when I realised that I loved you, then I think it would have been after we came back Nasya, when we thought we were gonna lose you.", he paused. "When I thought I was gonna lose you".
"Jolinar," she stated. "I know you blamed yourself for what happened. But it wasn’t you’re fault. I want you to know that. It wasn’t your fault.", she said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I never blamed you". He took one of his hands out from under his head and placed his palm over her hand that was on his shoulder.
"That means a lot to me, Sam", he said. "I felt responsible for what happened that day. I hoped that you’d forgive me."
"There’s nothing to forgive, Jack", she said as she turned her hand in his and intertwined their fingers. He closed his eyes, content with their small touch. After a few moments of silence, Jack asked the question she had asked moments ago. "How long?".
Sam thought about the question. She wasn’t exactly sure when she had started to have feelings for Jack, all that she did know was that she had them, and that after today they were stronger than ever. The image of him on the other side of the force shield flashed in her mind again.
"I’m not sure either", she began. "I’ve always been attracted to you, from the beginning. But I think it was when Samantha was here that I realised that I had strong feelings for you. And then when you were…when you were away on Edora I realised that I loved you".
"I missed you then, those three months were the longest of my life", he admitted.
"Mine too", she admitted.
"But you got me back, Sam. I knew you would". He squeezed her hand. She stretched out her legs and lied down beside him on the rough grass, their hands, still connected, came to rest on the ground between them. Sam took in the cool air around her. She was slowly coming down from all the effects of today, calming her system and clearing her head.
"So what do we do now?", she asked.
"I don’t know, Sam. I honestly don’t know"
"This is so hard", she whispered.
"I know, but what we’re doing right now is more important than the both of us. And until we beat it we’ll have no chance of making anything work. We both know that".
"Yeah, I agree with you but I just wish things could be different", she said, not hiding the disappointment in her voice.
"Well, when you think about it they are". She looked at him with confusion. "In an alternate reality we’re probably married with 2.5 kids", he joked. She shook her head and giggled. She got to her feet and offered him a hand up.
"C’mon, sir, I think we’ve had enough fresh air for one night", she said with a smile.
"I think you’re right", he said taking her hand and hauling himself to his feet. He stood in front of her and their eyes met. He took her hands in his. The gesture offering her comfort and letting her know that everything was going to be alright.
"We’re gonna be okay, Sam", he told her.
"I know we are, Jack". He pulled her into a hug. Her arms wound around his neck. They held each other for several minutes, reaffirming their friendship before they broke away and walked together back up the slope to the doors where their current future lay.
And so Sam and Jack dealt with what they felt. They put their love on hold for a greater good. Not until they had defeated the Goa’uld and broken down every force shield did they ever stand a chance of breaking down the force shield that separated them from one another.
The End.
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Allison West
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