Tears on the Pillow
Tears on the Pillow
by Allison West
TITLE: Tears on the Pillow
AUTHOR: Allison West
EMAIL: awest@pcpostal.com
CATEGORY: Hurt/Comfort, Friendship
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SPOILERS: Tiny ones for COTG, Fair Game, Forever in A Day, The Devil You Know, Meridian.
SEASON / SEQUEL: 5
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: character death, adult themes
SUMMARY: Sam finds comfort in Jack after the death of their friend, Daniel.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This story was written a week before the episode Meridian aired.As we get closer to Meridian and Dr Jackson’s fait, I’ve been thinking a lot about how his passing will effect our team. This is a small piece I wrote about the grieving process. It also let me get his death out of my system so that we can move on to a bigger, better and brighter Season 6. I got it down in about an hour, so let me know what you thought of it. DEDICATION: I’m gonna dedicate this one to Daniel, just because.
Sam woke with a start, breathing fast and heavy, her tee shirt drenched with sweat. She sat up, throwing the covers of the duvet back. She had seen it in her dreams again, Daniel’s death. It shook her to the core, making her feel scared and alone. The images of his death played over in her mind and haunted her. She couldn’t stop thinking that there was more that she could have done, that maybe if they had had a little more time there could have been another solution, another way. But their luck had finally run out this time, and one of them hadn’t made it. She had thought about it many times, the idea of one of them not making it home or not surviving. How could she not think of it after all that they had been through? In the beginning she had been surprised that fate hadn’t caught up with one of then sooner than it did. All the situations they had faced and all the struggles they had been through, it was a miracle that this hadn’t happened sooner. She’d gotten so used to the fact they always made it home safe, that it came as a tremendous shock when they had lost Daniel.
It had only been two days since Daniel’s passing, and they were all still grieving. Janet had recommended that her, Teal’c and Jack all stay together for the next few days, helping each other get through their grief and their loss. They were all at Jack’s house, Sam staying in the spare bedroom down the hall. Sam had taken it the hardest, or maybe it was just because she was a woman and her emotions showed more. Jack had withdrawn into himself, closing his heart off from the pain that he felt. He had lost his best friend. Granted, they fought a lot, but that was what made their relationship so special. The fact that they could disagree on just about anything, and at the end of the day put their philosophical differences aside and be brothers. It was a strange relationship that they shared. An unlikely pair of the smart intellectual and the rough ‘n’ tough Colonel. Only Sam and Teal’c understood their friendship. Only Sam and Teal’c had heard it from the beginning. The stories of their mission to Abydos that were told around the campfire at night on missions. Then there was Teal’c. Teal’c had always been the strong one. He grieved the loss of Daniel in his own personal and private way. He had spent much of his time alone in Jack’s loft, meditating. The other two left him alone, knowing that when he had moved beyond his grief that he would reappear.
Sam brushed the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand. Even though she was hot she felt herself shivering. She closed her eyes, trying to clear her head, trying to make sense of it all. A montage of images flowed through he mind of Daniel. Memories of the times they had shared. The first time they had met: "Dr. Jackson I presume?". From the first moment she had known him he intrigued her. They shared a passion for science and had a deep respect for one another. The tears started to well in her eyes as she recalled his face, his hands and his eyes, the way he licked his lips when he got excited about something and those late night when he would drop by her lab in search of coffee. A tiny tear brimmed over her eyelid, rolled over her smooth skin and down her chin where it hung for a moment before falling to the sheet. She didn’t want to be alone. She got up from the bed and walked towards her door. Padding down the hallway she stopped outside Jack’s room. She opened the door a crack and looked in. She could hear his steady breathing. She sniffled, wiping her eyes. The small sound immediately roused him from his sleep. Years in the military had heightened his sensed and he had an acute sense of hearing. He pushed himself up on one elbow and looked towards the door.
"Carter?", he said, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, trying to focus on the figure standing at his door. She pushed the door back further and entered the room slowly. Jack noticed that she was trembling. At that moment she had his full attention.
"Sir..", the small whimper came from her voice. "I…I…don’t want to be alone tonite". The tears gave way and started pouring down her face as she stood there in his bedroom hugging herself. Jack got up out of bed and moved toward her, taking her into an embrace. She broke down, sobbing in his arms. He held her tightly, whispering in her ear. "Ssshhhh, it’s okay now. It’s okay", he said as her rubbed circles on her back with the palm of his hand.
"C’mon", he said taking her hand and leading her towards the bed. "Lie down and breathe". He climbed under the covers and pulled her under with him. She was still shivering from the effects of her nightmare. She sobbed silently. He stoked her hand gently, trying to calm her.
"Sam", he said, his voice becoming choked. "Stop crying or you’re gonna make me cry".
"I can’t help it", she sobbed. "I just miss him so much". The soft write linen pillows had already become damp with her tears.
"We all miss him , Sam. But we can’t bring him back", he said softly. They’d both lost important people in their lives before, and Daniel’s loss hurt them just as much.
"I know", she cried. "But it’s not fair"
"I know it’s not fair. Nothing in this life is fair. It wasn’t fair when you lost your mom or when I lost Charlie or when Daniel lost Sha’re or when Teal’c lost his father, or when Hammond lost his wife. But that’s just the way it has to be. We just have to deal with it and move on. Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting. We have to remember the things we do have…like each other."
He paused not knowing what to say next. He reached over to her and brushed back the strands of hair that had fallen across her forehead.
"Hold me, Jack", she murmured. "Just for awhile".
He looked at her as the tears continued to fall from her eyes. He reached over and pulled her close to him. Spooning her body, he draped an arm over her shoulder, holding her tight. She continued to cry softly. Jack knew there would be no more tears after this. The strong woman he always knew would return in the morning, ready to live another day. And so this night would be her moment of weakness, when she let someone else in; when she let him comfort her, when they grieved together in the darkness, the only resonance being the sound of their tears falling and the echo of their memories as they dreamed together of Daniel Jackson.
The End.
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Allison West
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