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Exile

by Constellation
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Exile

Exile

Cold as the northern winds
In December mornings –

Sha’uri was – is – the light of my life, my warmth, my sun, my everything. When the Goa’uld took her from me and made her into Amaunet, my world was plunged into darkness. Ever since, I have lived in one long, cold, lonely night.
Cold is the cry that rings
From this far-distant shore.

I wake up in the morning calling her name, expecting her to be there. But then I remember...

Winter has come too late,
Too close beside me.

I cannot think of anything but her, but the very thought of her is a knife to my heart. Each day she is not with me, a little part of me dies.

How can I chase away
All these fears deep inside?

I’m starting to think I’ll never find her. I don’t want to tell anyone; I’m irrationally afraid that... well, I don’t know what, exactly. That I’ll jinx my chances or something, I guess. I don’t know. It doesn’t make sense even to me.

I’ll wait the signs to come.
I’ll find a way.
I will wait the time to come.
I’ll find a way home.

Nevertheless, I keep looking. I will not give up hope.

My light shall be the moon,
And my path, the ocean,
My guide, the morning star,
As I sail home to you.

I am not alone in my search, and for that I am grateful. It is only with the support of Sam, Jack, and Teal’C that I can find the strength to fight down the despair and go on. It is a dim light to go by, but a light nonetheless.

I’ll wait the signs to come.
I’ll find a way.
I will wait the time to come.
I’ll find a way home.

My home is with Sha’uri. Until I find her, I will wander endlessly through an eternal night.

No! Not eternal. I will find her. I must. I can’t stand the thought of her enslaved. My love for her drives me onward. The spirit is willing... but will the flesh be too weak? I won’t let it. I must go on.

Who, then, can warm my soul?
Who can quell my passion?

I will find you, Sha’uri. No matter what it takes, I will find you and free you.

Out of these dreams – a host –

Or die trying.

I will sail home to you.
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