Fear
Fear
by Kelly Mullins
TITLE: Fear
AUTHOR: Kelly Mullins
EMAIL: kelly.mullins@verizon.net
CATEGORY: Romance, Angst, POV, Series, Song/Filk, Thoughts
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SPOILERS: D&C, BtS
SEASON / SEQUEL: 4; Fifth in the Between Love and Duty Songfic Series
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: angst, male/female relationship
SUMMARY: The Aftermath.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: The song is 'Fear' by Sarah McLachlan
Hours later, after the passion has subsided and the afterglow settles over us like a cloud, we're content to just lay in each others arms. The house isn't quite, the radio in the living room has been left on, and as it's the only sound I hear I'm compelled to listen.
'Morning smiles like the face of a newborn child innocent unknowing. Winter's end promises of a long lost friend speaks to me of comfort.'
Not quite morning yet, but soon I know the harsh light of day will break and we will no longer be able to pass ourselves off as Thera and Jona. I snuggle down closer to the man next to me, I like his bed, it's very comfortable, not exactly what you'd expect from a man like him, but I guess there are always surprises...
"You awake?" He asks softly kissing my head.
"Yes." I give him an encouraging rub on his flank.
"We're not them, are we?"
"Nope, they don't exist anymore, only us." He pulls me tighter into his arms.
'But I fear I have nothing to give I have so much to lose here in this lonely place tangled up in our embrace there's nothing I'd like better than to fall but I fear I have nothing to give' Why can't we just be a normal couple? Last night we went against everything that we believe in, we broke all the rules regarding unprofessional conduct... a couple of times. And oddly enough, even knowing that my career is over I'm content to just lay here with him, knowing that we both wanted this to happen... and both of us knowing that 'It wasn't me' is not a viable excuse. We've got an air of hopelessness about us, what we did was wrong, but we're not going to stop doing it, and we know there is nothing we can do to save ourselves.
'Wind in time rapes the flower trembling on the vine nothing yields to shelter it from above they say temptation will destroy our love the never ending hunger'
Both Jack and I have been taken, pushed together not only by our own desires but by those of others as well- those who did not want us together. The negative pressure was what got us last night. We aren't supposed to even see each other outside of work, but the SGC is different, we're on teams who spend every waking moment together. It's not like they truly thought we could stay away from one another for so long, we confessed our 'care' for each other almost a year ago. We *can* control ourselves, we just don't want to anymore. 'But I fear I have nothing to give I have so much to lose here in this lonely place tangled up in our embrace there's nothing I'd like better than to fall' These last couple of months have been hard on us, we've been on brutal missions and have had very little down time. Even Daniel and Teal'c have been moody lately, Daniel hasn't even hooked up with an alien woman in quite a while. We've made ourselves happy, therefor making SG-1 a more productive team. We will not let this pull our team apart, the fate of the world depends on our ability to do our jobs, and we will do them, putting our personal feelings aside just as we've always done, and saving Earth, it's all we can do.
'But I fear I have nothing to give I have so much to lose I have nothing to give We have so much to lose.' Our feelings confessed and actions taken, there's no way to stop our future from rising from the darkness and attacking us. But what ever happens- court marshals, reprimands, alien abduction; we will face it together, it will not pull us apart and destroy us.
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