Choices of the Heart
Choices of the Heart
by Kat Halcyon
TITLE: Choices of the Heart
AUTHOR: Kat Halcyon
EMAIL: kathalcyon@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: None
SPOILERS: None
SEASON / SEQUEL: None
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: m/f relationship
SUMMARY: Janet gets a clue.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Hope you like it!! If you do, drop a line and tell me. :) And huge thanks to Bryn and Becca. You know why. :)
I almost sighed audibly as Colonel Jack O'Neill left my infirmary, giving me a brilliant smile and a "It's been fun, Doc." He was just. certainly not perfect. He was sarcastic and cynical and resisted getting close to anyone. But it was all part of his charm, part of the reason I'd been steadily falling for him ever since we met.
I hadn't gotten up the courage to tell anyone about my infatuation -- I wasn't so young and foolish as to call it love. Above all, I prided myself on being the practical, sensible doctor.
All my friends, for the most part, were military. And it was completely inappropriate, militarily speaking, for me to be having these feelings. I wasn't directly under his command, but he was the second-in-command at the base I served on. And I naturally was not a demonstrative person; I didn't hide my feelings, exactly, but I didn't go out of my way to share them.
My physical examinations over for the day -- SG-1 was the only team due back today, and Jack somehow always managed to be last -- I decided it was time to go home. This would be the first time in almost two weeks that I'd be home in time for supper. Cassie would be thrilled.
It wasn't until I arrived at an empty house that I remembered that Cassie was spending the night at a friend's house.
Faced with the prospect of a whole evening alone, I nuked a TV dinner and found my three-week-old, unopened copy of the latest Tom Clancy book. I used to read sci-fi novels, but that stopped after I started working at the SGC. My life was now a sci-fi story of it's own, it seemed sometimes. albeit a crappy one, with the love interest showing nothing for the heroine. I shook my head to clear my mind. I had to stop thinking about Jack O'Neill.
I was barely a chapter into the book and had just finished my dinner when the doorbell rang. I laughed at myself as I got up reluctantly to answer it. For someone so disappointed to be alone, I was sure taking my time in answering the door.
Sam Carter stood on my front porch. She wore black pants, a dark blue sweater and a gray trench coat. I had changed into comfy sweats when I got home, and I now felt like a total frump.
I scolded myself inwardly for having those thoughts. Sam was one of my best friends. It was only thoughts of stupid Jack O'Neill that made me so self-conscious.
Sam came in and, after several minutes of chitchat about her last mission, we lapsed into silence. "All right, Sam, out with it," I said after I felt the quiet had gone on long enough.
She sighed. "It's the Colonel," she told me, offering no further elaboration.
"O'Neill?" I asked. She nodded. "What about him?" I wanted to know.
"I think I actually might be falling in love with him." My mouth dropped. My first thought was "Mine!" But then common sense kicked in, and I reminded myself that the unspoken attraction I felt towards him gave me no claim.
Sam continued, appearing not to notice my undignified reaction. "I don't know why I feel this way. I mean, it's career suicide! And it seems like half the time I don't even like him! And sure, he's good-looking, but not any more so than Daniel or Teal'c. There's just. something."
How well I knew that something. "How does he feel about you?" I asked.
She shrugged. "I don't know. He doesn't treat me as any more than a friend. but sometimes I'll get this feeling. I don't know." She sighed. "I'm sorry for dumping this on you, Janet. I just had to get it out of my system."
"No prob," I said weakly. "Do you want to stay for coffee?"
Sam hung around for another two hours. We talked about Cassie, and work, and various other topics. At no point did Jack O'Neill's name come up.
A week later, SG-1 arrived back at the base from another uneventful mission. I could count on my fingers the number of times SG-1 had done two consecutive mission with on death, injury, insanity or clones. or any of the other extraordinary predicaments that plagued the SGC's best team.
Jack, for once not the last to have his post-mission physical, left the infirmary, and Daniel Jackson came in. I looked towards Daniel after Jack was out of sight, and felt my cheeks go slightly warm. Was it my imagination, or was he staring at me? Surely he didn't suspect.
After I finished his examination, Daniel stood up, took several steps towards the door, then turned around to face me. "Janet, would you say we're friends?" he asked.
My eyes narrowed in confusion. "Yes." I agreed. Where was he going with this?
"Can I tell you something perfectly honestly, as a friend?"
My heart sank. He did know. "Go ahead," I managed to say.
"All right." He took a deep breath. "He's in love with Sam, and she's in love with him. Neither of them know how the other one feels, and I think they have trouble recognizing their own feelings, but they're in love. Maybe nothing will ever be able to happen between them, but I can't see either of them getting seriously involved with anyone else."
"Why are you telling me this?" I asked coldly.
"Because, Janet. I look at you, and I see you looking at him."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Daniel sighed. "I care for you, Janet. And I'd hate to see you get your heart broken."
"I think you're overstepping your bounds."
"No! I think you don't understand what I'm trying to tell you!"
"What are you trying to tell me?" I demanded. "What the hell is so important that you feel you can come barging into my personal life, huh?" Okay. Maybe I overreacted. Maybe I didn't need to shout at him. But, dammit, I was mad. I could have been feeling disappointed about the Jack/Sam thing; I don't know. But I was mad and I took it out on Daniel.
"Dammit, Janet, I'm trying to tell you that I'm in love with you!" He stalked out of the infirmary.
I was glaring at a piece of pie in the commissary when Lieutenant Graham Simmons plopped down onto a chair opposite me. I didn't greet him. I barely even noticed him, as the poor apple pie was being subjected to my nastiest look.
"Doc, I know what you're going through."
I was startled enough to lift my gaze from the pie. "What?" I asked.
"I went through the same thing."
Of course he did. Everyone on base knew about Simmons' crush on Sam. Was my "thing" for Jack as much a subject of ridicule?
"You don't know what you're talking about," I said coldly. My "mean" voice was getting quite a workout today, I thought with little amusement.
"Let's say I do. Doc. you have to get over it. I know that's easier said than done. And it's easier with someone to help you."
Either the SGC's resident puppy-dog was more perceptive than anyone gave him credit for being, or he was hitting on me. I looked into his eyes. It was the former.
I hesitated a moment. "Thank you for the advice, Lieutenant," I said stiffly.
"No prob," Simmons replied. He got up and left the commissary.
I looked down at my pie. Now what was I supposed to do?
Apprehensively I knocked on the front door to Daniel's apartment. Cassie had helped me choose an outfit that was casual but nice. I wore dark blue jeans and a clingy white knit top with three-quarter sleeves and a low neckline. Cassie had insisted I wear the top after I told her where I was going, and she did it with a glint in her eye.
It seemed the whole world knew more about my love life than I did.
Daniel opened the door and smiled in a surprised fashion. "Hey! I didn't expect to see you tonight."
"Are you busy?" I asked. He wore a blue sweater that made his eyes seem brighter and more intense than usual. Funny, I'd never noticed just how deep a blue his eyes were behind his glasses.
"Not really." He seemed happy to see me, and yet guarded. I couldn't blame him, considering the confession he'd made to me earlier.
"You want come company?" I held out the bottle of Chardonnay I'd brought over.
"Sure." He held the door open wide so I could come in. "I was just finishing supper. Do you want something to eat?"
"No, I'm good."
"I'll just grab some glasses."
He disappeared into the kitchen. I glanced around his apartment. It was comfortably decorated, and had many artifacts - mainly ancient Egyptian, as far as I could tell - placed in various spots, making this indubitably the home of an archeologist.
Daniel came out of the kitchen carrying two wineglasses and a corkscrew. I handed him the bottle. As he opened it, he asked, "So what brings you here, Janet?"
"Well." I licked my lips and accepted the glass of wine he handed me. "I've been thinking about what you said in the infirmary."
"I see." His voice betrayed no emotion.
"And. I don't know. I came here to see where being here gets me."
"Janet. I don't want to be rebound guy; the guy you go after because you can't have his best friend."
I looked down at my wine, not wanting to meet his gaze. "I'm here because of you, Daniel, not because of Jack."
"Can you honestly tell me that Jack had no influence in you coming here?"
"Everything is influenced by everything else." That sounded lame, even to me. "I can tell you that it was influenced by other things too."
He took a moment, then nodded slowly. "Okay. Let's see where this gets us."
A month later, the only person who knew that Daniel and I were seeing each other was Cassie. On the base, we tried to act the way we always did around each other. I was doing some routine paperwork when I got a call from the control room. SG-1 was prematurely back from their mission. Daniel Jackson was hurt.
After hearing that, my mind had to tell my body to breathe. I knew the day would come when my professional life would be affected by my personal life, but I wasn't prepared for it. I swallowed hard. Right now I had to stop being a girlfriend and start being a doctor.
Several hours later I sat at Daniel's bedside. He was asleep, but, thank God, he was going to be okay, as far as she could tell. The damage had looked messy, but it hadn't really been too bad.
"Will he be okay?"
I looked up, startled to see Jack standing beside me. Six weeks ago, I would have sensed his presence from twenty feet away. Now, I barely cared.
I nodded. "He'll need a few weeks, but he should be out of the woods."
There was a pause. "How long have you been seeing each other?" Jack asked.
I looked up again. "What?" I struggled to keep my voice calm as I tried to figure out whether I wanted to laugh or cry.
"Oh, come on, Doc. It's obvious. You think I can't see the way he looks at you, and the way you look at him?"
I nearly choked. He had never noticed when I had been "looking" at him, why should I have expected him to see me "looking" at Daniel?
"It's been about a month," I said slowly.
Jack grinned, leaned down and kissed my cheek. "I'm happy for you, Doc." He walked away, leaving me alone with Daniel's prone form.
I touched my cheek. Nothing. I had felt absolutely nothing. Jack was just. Jack. No longer was he the subject of my fantasies.
I smiled down at Daniel. "I love you," I whispered.
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