Vulnerability
Vulnerability
by Sam I Am
Summary: While on a mission to find the Spring of Eternity, SG-1 are captured, but little do they
know that Apophis has already found a unique way of making his unbeatable enemy, SG-1,
vulnerable!
Category: Romance
Season: any Season
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: 13+
Warnings: character death
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 2004-08-08
Vulnerability By Sam I Am - murraytheevilskull@hotmail.com
Rating: 13+ (can't honestly be any more than that)
Warnings: Sam/Jack (that's a warning for anyone who don't like that) also Daniel/Janet, but not in great detail. Major Character death (and don't let that put you off it!)
Category: Character death, Sam/Jack Romance, mild Daniel/Janet, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, probably AU fic as it couldn't happen in the series, friendship and a little bit of SG-1 Humour thrown in for good measure. (If there's anything I missed out someone tell me!)
Spoilers: Bits and Bobs from Seasons 1-4!
Time frame: Sometime during Season 4, after `Divide and Conquer' (I think!)
Summary: While on a mission to find the Spring of Eternity, SG-1 are captured, but little do they know that Apophis has already found a unique way of making his unbeatable enemy, SG-1, vulnerable!
Archive: SJD, yes
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime / Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. No copyright infringement is intended. No money is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. Not to be archived without permission. `The Scientist' is sung by Coldplay and the lyrics were used without permission (Sorry!) No Copyright intended, it just fits the story... and it's a really cool song! If you want to archive my story TELL ME, or, to borrow a phrase from our beloved Colonel, I am SO gonna kick your ass!
Author's Notes: The first Fan Fic I'm going to archive anywhere! WOO HOO! This has probably taken me the longest out of all my works in progress and the very few I have actually finished. Any feedback would be SO useful. As a young author competing against all the older fanfic writers I'm in need of encouragement, support and, if necessary, constructive criticism! And if you think it's good recommend it! I'd love to hear my stories actually being read instead of sat in an Archive somewhere collecting digital dust!
Dedications: To my Best pal/Editor. You know who you are and you have been such an Angel putting up with my incessant babbling about every story line I've created (if only in my warped imagination) and understanding, even when said story lines altered so many times I can't believe you haven't lost track! Thanks Hon. Also to all you S/J fans and all those writers (there are too many to name you all!) whose masterpieces have been a true blessing to this admirer! Finally, (and this may sound slightly weird) to Freddie Mercury. Though I was barely old enough to string a coherent sentence together when you died, your music has always been my inspiration. Thank you for the music, Freddie!
And so here you are... Vulnerability!
Part One
"This is just fascinating!"
"Daniel! If you say that one more time I'm gonna shoot you!"
Daniel just shrugged apologetically and turned back to `the rock'. Jack glanced at the luminous face of his watch and gave a groan.
They'd been on this planet for over three days and Jack was bored to death. Teal'c was helping Daniel translate the `honking great slab of rock' as Jack had named it earlier. Daniel had babbled on and on about how significant the thing was and stuff, but Jack hadn't really been listening. Teal'c and Daniel were absorbed in their discussion and Jack felt very left out. He had done for three days.
The towering stone tablet stood in the middle of an open plain. There was no grass and no animals. There wasn't even sand. Just rock. Only a few trees and the tablet broke the skyline of the barren planet.
Jack sighed for the umpteenth time and began counting the trees again.
One, two, three...
`God, I wish Carter was here...'
Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine...
`At least I'd have someone to talk to...'
Ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen...
`I wonder how she's getting on?'
Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen...
`What is she doing anyway?'
Eighteen, Nineteen...
`Oh for crying out loud, what's the point?' Jack thought to himself, `I already know there are a hundred and twelve.'
"Jack."
Jack looked up to see Daniel walking towards him grinning. In his hand he held a large notebook and a pencil that was now so short he could barely write with it. The archaeologist beamed at the monument satisfied.
"I've finished translating and boy was it worth it. It's fa..."
"If you say fascinating!" Jack warned strangling an imaginary Daniel with his hands.
"Fa... fantastic!" Daniel grinned pleased with himself, as Jack glared at him. Daniel continued to smile, "We can go."
"OH YES!" Jack sprang off the ground with a whoop, as Teal'c looked puzzled.
Daniel gave a small smile, "I'm sorry. You must have been really bored."
"Ya think?" Jack retorted as Daniel nodded. Jack looked at his watch again. They had to be back at the gate in an hour. The gate was about 2 miles away and after being sat on the hard stone floor for a long time his knees were aching painfully.
Jack groaned as he hefted his pack onto his shoulders, "OK. Let's move out, Kids."
~~~~~~
They stepped into the embarkation room as General Hammond spoke relieved, "Welcome back SG-1. Was the mission a success?"
"Yes, Sir," Jack said glancing around the embarkation room discretely for the familiar face he wanted to see, "Daniel and Teal'c managed to translate that huge honking slab of rock and I think we discovered the most barren place in the universe, Sir. All in all, I think it was a success."
General Hammond gave an amused smile, "Bored, Son?"
Jack smiled back, "That's an understatement."
General Hammond chuckled as he said, "Debriefing at 1900. Get yourselves checked out and cleaned up."
As they left the embarkation room, Jack couldn't help, but wonder about Carter. Surely she would have been in the gate room to say `Hi.'
`Maybe I should stop by her office,' Jack thought to himself as he began to worry about his 2IC's whereabouts.
After taking a shower and having the usual post mission examination from Fraiser, Jack found himself walking to Carter's lab automatically. He stopped hesitantly by the door, which was ajar. He gently pushed the door open...
The first thing Jack noticed, as usual was Carter. She was sat in her chair, her head resting on her arms. She looked a state. Her hair was a mess and she had dark rings under her eyes. Her uniform was crumpled and creased. She looked really tired and ill. Jack began to worry about her again.
The second thing Jack noticed was the mess her lab was in. It looked like it had been the victim of a small nuke! There were a countless number of empty coffee mugs that lay around her. Her computer was still on and showed a page of calculations and numbers Jack couldn't even begin comprehend. Around her lay a disarray of papers and notes. Carter's office was usually messy, but never like this!
Jack walked over to the sleeping Major. He crouched down beside her, "Carter," he whispered gently as Sam woke up with a jolt.
"Sir!" she exclaimed, "What are you doin' here? You're not meant to be back for another four hours."
"Check your watch, Carter."
The woman, blinking back sleep, peered through heavy lids at her wrong wrist before realising her watch was on the other. She was exhausted.
"Oh, God!" She put her head in her hands, "Colonel, I'm sorry."
"Hey, it's no big deal, Carter," he assured her, "Besides, I'm always dozing off when I'm not suppos..."
"I'm trying so hard to get this finished." She signalled the computer screen.
Jack stared at it blankly, "You've totally lost me, Carter. I haven't a clue what that is."
Carter rubbed her eyes as she turned to look at the screen, "Last week, Daniel went on that mission with SG-7. That's where he got the address to `669, the planet you just visited. But also he found another address, but the address was in code and it was incomplete."
"And you've been trying to figure it out."
Sam nodded, "The address apparently leads to a place of `Eternity'. From what Daniel has read there is a spring of eternity or eternal life. Daniel says it's a medicine or something similar. If he's right it could revolutionise medicine as we know it!"
Jack just nodded, "Well, you might just need some of that stuff," he looked her up and down, "Staring at that screen, scribbling notes, and working yourself into overload cannot be good for you, Carter. You look like hell!"
She nodded, "I've just got to..."
"Carter, get some rest," he said firmly, "Besides if you're too tired to remember which wrist your watch is on, then you're too tired to crack some impossible code!"
Sam smiled slightly as she saved her work and switched the computer off. She got up off the chair and yawned, "Tell Daniel to give me anything from the translation that might help with my code-breaking."
"Will do," Jack sighed as Sam went for the door, "Oh and Carter?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Never leave me with Daniel and Teal'c translating ever again. I think I'm a danger to myself."
Sam smiled sleepily, "Night, Sir."
~~~~~~
Daniel yawned sleepily as he stepped into Sam's lab. She wasn't here yet, so Daniel sat himself down on a chair and sipped his mug of coffee slowly.
`Thank God for Coffee!' he thought, `Who needs some medicine of eternity when you have... wait a second...' He looked around Sam's office. Something was wrong.
For one thing the papers and letters in her in-tray were stacked neatly as were the papers on her desk. Her desk, which usually had at least one drained coffee mug, now possessed none whatsoever. Her chair had been completely pushed under the desk. The keyboard was neatly placed before the computer, which had been totally switched off. Daniel knew Sam always forgot to switch off part of her computer, but not even the printer was still on. Daniel also noticed the pencil pot that stood on Sam's desk. Usually it was empty, but today all the pens and pencils that littered her desk were placed in the pot.
Daniel turned on the chair and surveyed the room. The bookcase. Sam's bookcase was typically hers. Usually books covered the shelves, none of them stacked properly. Folders usually hung out at odd angles, but today they were all stacked neatly. Daniel noticed that the pieces of broken down devices still lay on her desk, but in a more orderly manner. Her hundreds of floppy disks and CDs had been placed in their box. Daniel flipped through them. They were alphabetical. The small filing cabinet had all the draws pushed in and no clutter covering the top. The room was... organised and clean.
Something was VERY wrong!
"Morning Daniel. Have you got the... Whoa!"
Daniel turned to see Sam staring around her lab in utter confusion. Her jaw dropped slightly, "Daniel? Did you clean my lab?"
"Didn't you?" Daniel asked, knowing how stupid the question sounded. Sam! Clean her lab! That was almost as good as Jack reading their reports!
Suddenly realisation appeared on her face and Sam smiled quietly. Without saying another word she sat at her desk and switched the computer on. Daniel was about to speak when he saw a look on Sam's face that he hadn't ever seen her wear. She was day-dreaming!
"Sam?"
"Uh huh," she hummed still smiling. She looked up to see Daniel's confused expression directed at her, "Don't worry, Daniel. Now. The translation..."
~~~~~~
Jack whistled as he strolled along the corridor. He couldn't help, but grin slightly. He stopped whistling as he turned down the corridor that led to Carter's lab. The door was open he could see from here. He walked along slowly and when he reached the door looked inside.
Daniel's expression reminded him of a child that's just realised it is Christmas Day and Sam was talking excitedly and jabbing at the screen of her computer.
Jack stood there for a moment before saying, "Good Morning Class!" He turned to Sam smiling, "Working already?"
Sam looked up as a huge grin spread across her face, "Yeah."
"And...?" Jack asked as Daniel looked at Sam's knowing grin in confusion.
"We've cracked it! Looks like the planet of `Eternity' is our next stop, Sir," Sam said still smiling.
"Great," Jack said enthusiastically. He then grimaced and turned to Daniel, "And no more translating! If you even have to translate one word I'm going to kill you!"
"Jack, I will probably have to translate something. Both planets I visited had no occupants, but they had monuments and runes I have to..."
"Ah! No!" Jack said cutting him off, "No more `Thirak bir thirel menau gershrak'! I've had enough of translating!"
"Jack, you don't underst..." Daniel began to retort and then frowned, "What did you say?"
Jack then shrugged, "Something you were translating. It just stuck in my head. It seemed to be the only bit of the text you didn't spend half a day on."
"Thirak bir thirel menau gershrak," Daniel frowned slightly, "It means..."
"The waters of Eternity in the early land," Jack shrugged at the looks of amazement shot at him by Daniel, "Like I said, it just stuck."
Sam looked at him in surprise and then turned to Daniel, "Early land?"
"Oh. The words `thirel menau'. They usually means `land of the dawning, or rising, sun', but `early land' is another translation."
Jack just smiled slightly, "You can't expect me to listen to everything you say!"
Sam turned back to Daniel, "So the land of the rising sun?"
"The planet must be like Alaska in the winter," Sam nodded showing she understood, but Jack frowned, fixing Daniel with a confused look. With a small sigh, Daniel continued, "In Alaska they have days with only a few minutes of daylight in the winter and vice versa in the summer. It is quite possible that the planet only has a few hours of sunlight a day."
Jack nodded showing he finally understood. He was lent against the doorway, "Well, someone tell Hammond and he'll probably have us shipped out there within the week."
Sam and Daniel both got up hurriedly and sped off to talk to General Hammond. Jack remained in the doorway for a moment. He noticed something and walked over to the desk. He picked up the pencil and placed it back in the pen pot. He then switched off her computer and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.
~~~~~~
Sam looked across the terrain. According to the MALP readings they were in a mountain forest. A silvery mist filled the air and Sam shivered slightly. It was quite cold, not freezing though. Around them stood fir-like trees and the soil had huge chunks of icy, grey rock protruding from it.
Sam could see the sun quite visibly through the clouds. The star that this planet revolved around was massive and was bigger than their sun. Also instead of being the usual yellow, the atmosphere of this planet changed it to a pale green colour.
The green orb was visibly through the mist and it was quite high in the sky. Sam frowned confused as Jack turned to her also confused, "Isn't that sun a little high in the sky?" He turned to Sam, "This is their winter, right?"
"Yes, Sir," Sam said still confused.
Jack asked another question, "Shouldn't it be... dark?"
Daniel pulled a hand through his hair, "I may have translated wrong."
"Yeah, but `early land' makes no sense," Jack added.
"There may be another meaning of the words. The translation was in a strange dialect and was quite hard to decipher."
Jack just nodded and then turned to Teal'c, "OK, let's take a look around. Teal'c, take point."
He inclined his head as Sam watched her CO stride before her into the haze. Daniel walked behind her and Teal'c behind Daniel. They began to descend a small slope that had small rocks sticking through the bracken floor everywhere. Jack told them to watch where they stepped and not to trip and then added, "That means you, Daniel!"
She could hear Daniel muttering mutinously, but it soon changed to thoughtful murmurs as Daniel tried to think of different translations for the text. After about five minutes Teal'c asked, "Do you require my assistance, Daniel Jackson?"
"Uh... yeah. I'm trying to think of other variat..."
"I have gathered."
"OK... so..."
Sam blocked out the conversation behind her and immediately felt a small smile on her face. After a few minutes deliberation, she took in a deep breath and began to walk beside her CO.
She hid the smile and could see him glance at her out of the corner of her eye. She felt the smile tugging at her lip and finally gave in. She glanced at him as he looked back giving her that look of innocence he could always make her lose her guard with. She shook her head gently as she murmured, "I didn't know you ran a cleaning service."
"I don't. Except on special occasions."
The reply was short, but sweet and Sam felt herself beaming, "Do you do birthdays?" She saw him glance at her again as she turned to him. He gave her a small smile and then stopped dead in his tracks. His eyebrows rose slightly as he stared just over her shoulder.
"Colonel?"
She looked in front of them to where the Colonel was staring. It was a temple. She heard Daniel and Teal'c's conversation cease abruptly as Jack said, "Well Danny Boy, looks like we found you a `rock' to translate."
~~~~~~
They stepped into the cool, gloomy structure as Jack scanned the shadowy corners with the light on his gun. He moved along the walls until the light shone on one wall. Jack recognised the symbols. They were the same as the ones they'd found on that `honking great slab of rock'.
"Well, it's definitely Goa'uld. Older than most, but in amazing condition!"
Daniel walked forward cautiously and looked back at Jack for the go ahead. He gave a small nod and then murmured, "Teal'c, help Daniel. I'll guard the entrance."
Teal'c inclined his head and stepped up beside Daniel.
Daniel spoke, "Uh... this dialect is easier than the one on F8T 669. It's more closely related to Goa'uld text. This writing is older. I'd say about three thousand years older..."
"Just translate the damn thing already!" Jack complained impatiently from the entrance as he stared out into the murky undergrowth.
Daniel sighed and grumbled something, before saying, "OK... The first line is: Ra, God of the Sun has... given or bestowed... upon his children a... potent gift. Uh... Teal'c what does `Reiutac' mean?"
"I believe it means `Almighty Deity'."
Daniel continued, "Uh... The Almighty deity has given unto us... the Spring of Eternity... from which we shall... live forever in the land of the rising sun."
"OK, but where is it?" Jack asked slightly impatiently as he glanced at the archaeologist for a moment.
Daniel turned back to the wall, "Uh... it says that: Ra's people will forever be his... undying... children... and shall be the... chosen ones."
Jack spoke again, "Chosen ones?"
Daniel glared at Jack and pointed to the last line, "The next part reads something about it being below the temple... ah Teal'c, what does this line mean?"
"Roughly translated it means that only those carrying a Goa'uld can enter and receive Ra's bequest."
"Uh... so I'm guessing `Chosen Ones' refers to Goa'ulds and Jaffa, right?"
"That would be a likely assumption, Daniel Jackson."
"Looks like you're the man for the job, Teal'c," Jack said from the door. "Can you see anyway that we could get in there?"
"I cannot."
Jack turned, the light of his gun illuminating part of the elaborate temple floor, "Nothing at all? There must be..."
"Sir," Carter nodded towards the floor. They all stared down at a large decorated circle.
"Rings," Jack said, as he turned to Sam, "Can you hotwire them?"
"I could try, Sir. All I'd have to do is find the panel."
"Get to..."
Jack's order was cut off as a column of light appeared in the centre of the floor. A familiar whirring noise signalled the rings coming up.
Seven Jaffa appeared and in their midst Jack could see a familiar pair of glowing eyes.
"Not you again!" Jack said angrily as he raised his gun about to shoot, "How many times do we have to kill this guy?!?"
Before they could open fire, one of the serpent guards managed to pin Daniel to the wall, a staff pointed at his chest.
"Lower your weapons or my Jaffa shall kill Dr. Jackson."
Jack glanced at his friends and obeyed the Goa'uld's command. They all placed their weapons on the floor slowly as Apophis grinned maliciously.
"Jaffa kree," the Jaffa grabbed Teal'c, Carter and Jack, as the one still aiming the staff at Daniel's chest stood beside Apophis.
They were all dragged beneath the rings and ringed down to a huge room. It was definitely Goa'uld although Jack doubted it had always been Goa'uld. It was a large cavern of dark rock the same colour as the mountainside. Round lights were placed evenly around the rough walls of the cave. Spouting out in different directions were slightly more modern Goa'uld passages made like any you would find on a mother ship.
Sam stared before her at the large, deep tank of glass. It was filled with water. The lights behind the tank seemed to ripple as they were looked at through the clear liquid.
Sam glanced at Jack who looked confused. They were dragged forward and taken up a flight of roughly hewn stairs to the top of the glass tank.
When there, Sam could see harness like contraptions dangling above the cistern and realised a Jaffa was attaching her in one. She fought, but more serpent guards held her until she was secured tightly in the harness.
The GDO and radio were removed from her as well as any additional weaponry or technology she had on her before the Jaffa swung her out over the water.
She closed her eyes at first, but when she heard Apophis laughing she opened them again. She hung horizontally inches away from the unknown liquid wondering what the hell was going on.
She glanced beside her at Daniel and Teal'c. They both looked seriously uneasy. The Colonel was then swung in beside her as he yelled, "Hey! Do you mind? Less of the shoving!"
She glanced at him as he asked silently with his concerned stare, `Are you OK?'. She gave him a small nod, as he turned to Teal'c and Daniel asking the same silent question and receiving the same reply.
Apophis walked closer to the tank. He was grinning evilly, his golden attire shimmering in the soft white light emanating from the lights in side the tank. Sam really wanted to punch his lights out as he spoke coldly, "Jaffa, lower them in and then we shall meet a more vulnerable SG-1!"
Sam held her breath as she was lowered into the liquid. She watched as Jack's intake of breath was punched out of him when one of the Jaffa jabbed the butt end of his staff into his stomach. He was winded and didn't have a lot of breath left in him as his head was submerged beneath the surface. Her arms were pinned to her side as her head went totally under the surface. Through the water she could just see her friends. Their bodies seemed to be rippling, but maybe it was just the water affecting her eyes. She fought to keep conscious, but slowly she felt herself losing the battle as her lungs screamed for oxygen. She was drowning. As she began to lose consciousness, she felt herself being pulled out of the water by the harness and then metal-gloved hands lifting her back to dry land.
She coughed up the fluid stuck in her throat as she was dragged out from the liquid. Her body ached, especially her muscles that weighed down her body like lead. She felt as though her whole body had been stretched like elastic and then compressed into a tiny box. She fell to the ground. Her head swam and when she opened her eyes all she could see was coloured stars. She was going to pass out. The hands lifted her from the ground again mercilessly. The metal gloves were digging into her arm and leaving painful marks behind. She was lifted into a strong pair of arms as she was carried somewhere. Suddenly she felt her body being tossed into darkness, banging her head hard on the icy floor and being completely knocked out.
~~~~~~
Jack woke and found himself sprawled across cold stone. He rubbed his head. He must have hit it pretty hard for it to hurt that much! It felt as though it had been cleaved in half! His body felt stiff and his muscles ached painfully as if he'd just sprinted twenty miles without stopping. He looked around in the gloom, bright colours flashing in his eyes as he tried to focus them.
What had Apophis been talking about? How could he make them vulnerable? Well, he had taken their weapons and half drowned them, but other than that Jack couldn't understand it. He looked around trying to get his eyes to adjust to the shadowy darkness. He realised his friends had to be here somewhere.
"Carter. Daniel. Teal'c." His voice sounded strange. What the hell was wrong with his voice? Maybe he had hit his head harder than he thought! He shivered from the chill of the room. He heard someone stir behind him and then gasp and he turned in shock.
Behind him a figure was leaning against a wall, propping themselves up. Jack inched slightly closer and realised the figure was a girl. From what Jack could see her mouth was wide open. She had long blonde hair, he moved closer, his vision still unable to see clearly in the extremely poor light, he could see her face more clearly now. She just stared at him with the most amazing eyes... wait a second, "Carter?"
"Oh my God!" She murmured as she touched his face lightly with her fingertips and immediately pulled away. Her jaw still hung down. Jack stared at her hair for a second. When she realised what he was staring at, her eye line dropped. She lifted some of her hair up and stared at it. Her voice was quite girly and shook. She sounded... frightened, "How old am I?"
"My guess is about fifteen." He stared at her as if knowing by the shock on her face he looked different as well, "And Me?"
"I dunno. Sixteen..." Her voice drained away. It was one time when she was truly lost for words. She just stared at him not believing what she saw and finding it even harder to believe what he saw. She gasped with sudden realisation as some of Apophis's words rang in her head, "This is what Apophis meant by `a more vulnerable SG-1'. He's made you... he's made us..."
"Kids again," Jack murmured quietly. His voice sounded so strange. It sounded as though he'd swallowed someone and they were talking instead of him. "Are you OK?" Jack looked at Sam nervously. Her lip was trembling. She looked so confused Jack couldn't believe it. Carter never looked confused!
"A little sore," the soft feminine voice murmured. She immediately changed the subject, as Jack had known she would, "Where are Daniel and Teal'c?"
As if in answer to her question, a groan came from behind her. She gave a gasp of shock as she jumped. She was seriously uneasy all of a sudden.
"Sam?" Daniel's teenage voice carried through the stillness, "OW! My head... Hey! What's up with my voice?"
"Um... Daniel..."
"Yeah?"
"We think... Apophis made us all teenagers again!"
"WHAT!"
"I know. It's really weird..." Sam stared at Daniel as he crawled into the extremely dim light. He looked about fifteen. "I think Apophis has made us roughly the same age," she said quietly, "I guess you're about fifteen... and I'm also fifteen. The Colonel's sixteen..."
"And I believe I am thirteen, Major Carter."
Teal'c's voice made Jack jump. He gave a pathetic yelp that made Sam giggle. Giggle? Carter had just giggled like a girl. Jack noticed as the shadow that was Samantha Carter, stared at the floor in embarrassment.
"How do you know, Teal'c?" As Teal'c approached Jack could hear why, "Oh your..."
"Indeed." Even Teal'c's usually low drone had gone up and Jack realised Teal'c's voice hadn't broken yet! Now there was a shocker if ever there had been one.
Jack couldn't see anyone's face enough to recognise features. It was too dark in here to see anything.
"How are we gonna get outta here?" Daniel said reading Jack's mind.
"That's a good question, Danny-boy!" Jack looked around, but it was no use. If only he had some light to see with!
He turned back to his friends, "Anyone happen to have a torch on them?"
They all shook their heads. Jack crawled around trying to find the door, as Daniel began babbling.
"The Fountain of Youth! Why didn't I think of it before! That is what `Spring of Eternity' meant! It was the Fountain of Youth! It wasn't a medicine at all! We were dipped in the Fountain of Youth!"
"The Fountain of Youth? You sure, Daniel?" Jack replied sceptically.
"I think so. It also means you were right, Jack. All that `early land' stuff, it meant `land of children'! It has to have been the Fountain of Youth!"
"Well, what can I say? My intelligence is highly underrated!" Jack said as his fingers connected with some steps, "Ah ha! I have something!" He stood up and walked up the five steps to a door, "Well, it appears the real brains behind the outfit, has just discovered the door."
Within seconds Sam was by his side trying to open it. Their arms were touching lightly as they huddled on the narrow step. He banged on the door impatiently, "Hello? HELLO-OH? You know this is child abuse! Let us outta here!" His voice sounded so weird! Sam refrained herself from giggling again.
With no warning whatsoever the door was thrown open and he and Sam were flung down the stairs. Jack grabbed her around the waist and cushioned her fall to the cold, stone floor almost without thinking. He felt the wind knocked out of him for a second time in what must have been a few hours, as he hit the floor. She lay in his arms as they heard clanging metal hitting the stone floor in front of them.
The sudden light made Jack temporarily blind. He blinked, as he felt Sam being dragged from his side and cold, metal gloves grabbing him around the arms and hoisting him from the floor.
As his eyes focused he was able to look around him at the others, also being restrained by two Jaffa each.
He looked to his left and saw Teal'c and Daniel. Teal'c looked a lot like Rya'c except he was still bald. The emblem on his head seemed WAY too large for his forehead and his now massive looking air force gear hung extremely loosely around his shrunken form.
Daniel on the other hand looked almost exactly like his adult self and he'd never fitted into his uniform anyway! Now they were slightly more baggy, but nothing so major that they didn't fit him anymore. His glasses looked a bit too big for his head, but other than that it was almost the Daniel he knew, except he looked younger. His face was less care worn, his eyes brighter and more alert, his skin paler and less weather beaten...
Jack felt a sudden urge to look at Sam. His heart thumping wildly in his chest when he realised she was on his other side. Why was he so jittery all of a sudden?
He turned and gaped at Sam with astonishment. The Sam he knew had changed loads since she had been fifteen. The younger girl grinned at him as he stared at her. Her hair lay across her shoulders. It was long, blonde and silky. Her face seemed much younger as well, but if anything proved to Jack that this girl was Carter, it was her mysteriously spellbinding, blue eyes. Her air force uniform fitted almost perfectly, but she looked ridiculous wearing it. Her skin was a creamy white. She looked so much younger than Jack ever could have imagined her looking.
She stared back at him her eyebrows raised in mirrored surprise. To tell the truth Jack could barely remember what he had looked like when he was sixteen, but by the smile Sam flashed him, it can't have been that bad.
As Sam smiled fondly at him, and then averting her gaze hesitantly as a faint blush came to her cheeks, Jack felt a feeling he hadn't felt in thirty years hit him like a bulldozer! Oh for crying out loud! It couldn't be...! Oh, but it was! A full-blown, mind-boggling, heart breaking, totally obsessive, unmistakable... crush! Oh God! This wasn't going to be good!
He was stuck in a prison, with a very attractive fifteen-year-old, millions of miles away from his home and he was about sixteen again. This was SO dangerous! She was his 2IC and NOTHING could happen between them. Jack would make sure... but Jack felt different now. He felt as though he was a teenager again. He didn't feel responsible or anything! He just felt like Jack. Plain old Jack. Not Colonel, not O'Neill and not Sir. Just Jack. He hadn't felt just like Jack for years. He'd always felt like the air force Colonel with no heart, a broken family and no feelings whatsoever! The last time he'd felt like Jack had been when he'd played with Charlie...
Jack's thoughts were interrupted as they were dragged into a huge room. It was decorated, typically, with huge drapes and golden objects of great value. On a platform in front of them sat Apophis grinning gleefully. Oh great! Just what Jack needed! Apophis seeing him looking like a kid! This was gonna be just great!
"Why, Colonel O'Neill? Enjoying your adolescence!" he grinned and turned to Daniel, "And Dr. Jackson. You haven't changed a lot!" His eyes darted to the shrunken form of Teal'c. He didn't need to say anything about Teal'c! He laughed cruelly and then his eyes fixed on Sam. He spoke shocked, "Major Carter!" He smiled sickeningly. Jack didn't like that expression! He didn't like it at all! The Goa'uld spoke his eyes flaming with... Oh! Jack did not wanna know! "In a couple more years... when you've grown up," he grinned obnoxiously, "You would make a wonderful queen!"
She glared at him, "I'm sorry, but until you've grown up a bit I'm SO not going out with you!" She said harshly. Her voice had that rebellious teenage kick to it, but that wasn't the only kick. The guard's foot connected with her ribs winding her. Apophis's eyes glowed angrily.
"Ooh. Ouch, Carter!" Jack said surprised at her unusual bluntness. Even through her breathlessness Sam grinned appreciatively. She never would have said something like that before. Maybe it wasn't only their physical appearances that were changing...
For his comment Jack received an equally hard kick between the ribs. He bit his lip as the pain wave swept over him. That was exactly where the guard had punched him with his staff earlier and it was still tender.
"Silence! Jaffa, put them in a holding cell! I will torture them later!" He grinned, "And put a mirror in their cell! I want them to see how ridiculous they look!"
Apophis left with a swish of his cloak and a "Yes, My Lord!" from the Jaffa surrounding them. They were dragged backwards back down the halls. Jack made a stubborn point of not wanting to be taken by digging his heels in the ground. Jack realised how childish he was being and stopped immediately.
Jack realised for the first time in a long while that the usual ache he always had in his knee and at the base of his back was totally gone! He flexed his knee as the Jaffa continued their slow dragging march. Wow! It felt good to be able to move again. His joints had been totally on the whack for so long that Jack had forgotten what it felt like to have full mobility.
Suddenly, they were thrown into another cell. Jack managed to prevent a more damaging fall by curling into a ball and rolling into the opposite wall as he was thrown in by the Jaffa.
Jack opened his eyes. There was a good amount of light in here. Jack could see the cell was pretty much basic Goa'uld prison cell decor. Flat metal beds with no cushions and one flimsy cover, metal walls, metal ceiling, and metal furniture. No decorations whatsoever except for the silvery mirror that was now being placed on the wall. The Jaffa left as the door lowered behind them.
Jack looked around at his friends. Teal'c sat upright in the corner looking as though he might win a competition for sitting the stillest, Daniel stood beside him eyeing his reflection with absolute amazement in the shiny, silver mirror hanging on the wall and Sam sat a few feet away from him hugging her knees to her chest and staring into nothingness. Jack knew that expression on her face, even if that face was a good twenty years younger. She was thinking, hard. There was also a look of worry on her face as her forehead creased into a frown.
Jack shook his eyes off her as if realising he was staring at her. Jack stood up and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. As he approached he realised how much he'd changed. His hair had changed from grey to dark brown. It was still short, but slightly longer than it had been. His skin was smooth and slightly tanned. His eyebrow did not have a scar breaking through it anymore. His eyes looked as they always had been except now there were no signs of age at all. There were no wrinkles or lines on his face. No signs of the awful life he had led.
He pondered over his age for a moment trying to remember the last time he had looked in the mirror and seen this kid staring back at him. He decided he was definitely sixteen. Maybe a little older, but Jack thought sixteen was a damn good guess. He was so shocked by his appearance, he didn't see Sam join him by the mirror.
"Whoa. Is that really what I look like?"
Her voice made him jump slightly, but he turned to look at her, "Yeah. You think you look different?" He said his voice full of disbelief.
"Jack, I wouldn't have recognized you at all if... well, only you can be sarcastic and `high and mighty' at the same time...!" Daniel said as he grinned at the slightly annoyed boy.
"...And your eyes. They're still the same..." Sam murmured as she stared at him as if she was looking at him properly for the very first time.
Jack broke their eye contact and grinned at Daniel, "Well, look at you, Space Monkey! What the hell happened to you?"
They all laughed, but Jack stopped abruptly hearing their voices. Everyone else also realised how weird they now sounded. Jack turned to Teal'c who sat in the corner staring at the floor in complete silence.
"You OK?"
"I do not know, O'Neill," the boy said, "I feel extremely..."
"Vulnerable?" Daniel butted in as the miniature Jaffa looked up at him.
"Indeed."
"Well whatever that son of a bitch has done to us it can be undone... right?"
"I'm not sure," the girl said as she tried to tie back her long hair with a piece of string she'd found in her pocket, "I guess it's possible, but..." her voice faltered. She tried again as Jack saw that extremely painful look cross her face, "I can't remember it..." She stared at the floor pure fear and shock hitting her hard. She collapsed on the floor in a heap with a small sob.
"What!"
"I just can't remember any of it!" She felt a tear roll down her cheek, "I'm trying so hard, but it's just leaving. I can't even remember how the Stargate works or... or anything! Quantum theory and time relativity! It's just leaving and... Oh God! I can't even remember simple survival skills properly!"
A sob rattled through her as she felt Jack sit down next to her. She cried into his shoulder as he hugged her. Daniel began talking as if realising something for the first time, "I can remember the address and GDO code, but that's all! No languages! Nothing! It's all... gone!"
"Don't write them on your hand or anything, else we're never gonna get off this rock and Apophis is going to go through the gate and destroy Earth!"
"Well Jack! If I forget, we're done for!"
"Well Daniel! You're just going to have to remember then!" Jack said raising his voice annoyed.
"Guys, don't argue! We can't afford to argue!" Sam's voice hiccoughed in the metal cell, "The only way we're gonna be able to go home is if you don't argue."
Jack nodded, "Sam's right. Sorry Danny." He put out his hand and Daniel shook it. Jack looked lost for a second, "Wait. Sam... no, I didn't used to call you that... what was it?"
"I can't remember...!" Sam said equally shocked. She sighed, "I can't remember what you called me and I can't remember why I called you `Sir'."
"That's good `cos neither can I!" Jack said grinning at her as she smiled slightly.
"O'Neill, I do not seem to have lost any of my memories!"
They all looked at Teal'c in surprise as Daniel voiced their thoughts, "You haven't?"
"No. I believe all of my memories are still intact."
"Thank God one of us isn't totally screwed up in the mind!" Daniel's comment was very unDaniel-like and made Jack smile.
Jack glanced at his digital watch, which by some miracle hadn't been removed from his wrist. 1:00pm.
Jack felt so hungry! Perhaps they would bring them some food soon. He got up and went to lie on his bunk as Daniel, Teal'c and Sam began to talk about something.
Jack wasn't really tuned in to their conversation. He was too busy watching Sam. She was amazing. He felt his stomach twist. He fancied her so badly. Once they got the hell out of here maybe he should ask her out... but something he couldn't remember kept telling him he couldn't for some reason. He frowned as he tried to remember, but all trying to remember was doing was giving him a headache.
There was a loud thump on the door. Jack shot straight up into a sitting position as two Jaffa stepped in.
"Daniel Jackson?" They said as they stared at Daniel. They walked over to him and lifted him from the floor and dragged him out before Jack could even protest. Jack ran to the door as it closed behind the Jaffa.
He kicked it hard and thumped his balled fists on it, "Dammit! They took him! I just let them take him!"
Sam came up to him and rested a hand on his shoulder, "If you'd fought for him they could have killed you." She murmured as he turned to face her.
It felt like an electric shock as her hand touched him. He felt himself tense and then relax. Butterflies bumped into each other in the pit of his stomach as he found himself staring into those amazing sapphire eyes. He gulped as he fell into a trance. He felt the air between them sparking with attraction...
Teal'c's voice brought him back, "I believe that any attempt at preventing Daniel Jackson's removal would have been futile."
Jack realised he was still staring at Sam and that for some unmemorable reason, he wasn't meant to be. He averted his gaze and moved towards Teal'c. The past couple of hours he'd been finding it hard to concentrate on what he had to do. His mind kept getting side tracked from plans for escape. Sam happened to be the biggest distraction. He went back to his bed and collapsed trying as hard as he could to think of a plan to get them out of here.
Something told him there was a way... images flashed across his mind. The last of the sparse memories and knowledge he still had.
"Teleportation rings." He said not realising what he had said until Teal'c raised an eyebrow, "That's a way to escape?" Jack asked pleased with himself at remembering something.
"It is indeed."
"Teal'c, that's all I can think of! You're the one with all your memory still in there. You're going to have to think of a plan of escape. I can't... I can't even remember what I do for a living!"
"You are Colonel O'Neill, of the US air force," the smaller version of Teal'c replied.
"Really? I'm a Colonel?" The idea sounded familiar, but Jack just couldn't get his brain around it. "What else don't I know about me?
"I do not think it would be wise to inform you, O'Neill," Teal'c replied, "You will be tortured later and because you are juvenile you may be more vulnerable to it."
"Yeah," said Jack embarrassed, "I guess I probably would give up the information quicker."
"Let us hope that Daniel Jackson will resist and not give away the GDO code or the address." Teal'c's words made Jack realise that a) he didn't know what the GDO code or address was for and b) what was happening to Daniel at this moment. He found himself praying silently, `Please let Daniel be OK. Don't let Apophis get what he wants!'
~~~~~~
Jack swung his legs off the bed. Teal'c, would you believe it, was sleeping on the bed next to him and Sam lay on hers still and silent, her back turned towards him, but Jack doubted she was sleeping like their alien friend.
Daniel had been gone for six hours! Jack had an awful feeling in his stomach. Six hours! He didn't want to think about what might have happened to him.
The door rose, making Jack jump, as Daniel was thrown through. The door closed again. Daniel's nose was bleeding and his eyes streaming. His glasses lay in a sorry, smashed way by his side. He cradled his arm to his chest as he let out a small groan.
Jack swooped down beside him, as did Sam. Teal'c slept on oblivious to Daniel's return.
"Daniel!" Jack whispered as the boy looked up at him.
"I didn't tell them anything, Jack, I swear. I would've, but I couldn't remember and they beat me harder!"
Sam held him tightly to her as he let out a small sob, "Oh God! Daniel I'm so sorry! Here." She murmured gently as she rummaged in her pocket for a tissue. He took it from her and tried to stop the steady flow of blood as she pulled off her jacket and tried to make a sling. Jack realised then how mangled Daniel's arm looked. Definitely broken. Poor Daniel! He gritted his teeth tightly as Sam gently used the sling to support his damaged arm.
"I'm so sorry, Danny! I should have stopped them from taking you! I should've..."
"There was nothing you could have done," Sam reassured him as she helped the now partially blind Daniel to his bed.
After about ten minutes, Daniel's nose finally stopped flowing and he settled down quietly on his bed.
The door opened as two Jaffa walked in carrying eight bowls and four bits of bread. They put them on the floor, turned and walked out again.
Jack looked at the `food' distastefully, "Nothing like mush to cheer you up!"
Sam chuckled as she picked up two bowls and a piece of bread, "Well at least the water looks clean." She went to sit on the end of Teal'c's bed as Jack and Daniel got up to pick up theirs.
She gently shook Teal'c on the shoulder. He opened his eyes blearily. He raised an eyebrow as if asking her why she'd woken him.
"Here's supper. It doesn't look wonderful, but maybe we'll get some nutrition from it!" She gave him the bowls as Teal'c inclined his head and began to eat in silence.
She picked up the last two bowls and sat on her bed with her legs crossed. She was starving and began to eat the mush without thinking about it twice. It had a nasty colour and it reminded her unpleasantly of... ugh! She didn't even want to think about it! She took a gulp of water to wash away the awful tasting pulp.
She looked up. Jack sat across the room from her. She felt herself blushing slightly as he grinned at her. She looked back down at the mush. She couldn't believe it! She had a crush on him! She glanced at him quickly and then stared straight back down at the slop inside her bowl. He was so gorgeous, but something inside her was telling her that she wasn't meant to fancy him! Why ever not Sam was unsure, but maybe she should keep her distance just to stay on the safe side.
She finished her slop and put the bowl beside her bed as she began to nibble at the vile tasting bread. Jack flung his into the corner of the room.
"Ugh!" He grimaced taking a huge swig of water, "That tastes worse than that pig swill they gave us!"
Sam just smiled fondly. She tried to stop herself, but it was so difficult to control what she did now. Usually she would be able to resist smiling, but at the moment she couldn't see any reason why not.
Everyone began to get ready to go to sleep. Sam undid the string tying back her hair. It really wasn't working very well. She might as well have it loose. She watched Jack through the curtain of golden hair. He yawned tiredly, but he seemed not to want to sleep like everyone else. She shrugged to herself as Daniel spoke.
"Well, I'm gonna get some shut eye. I'm absolutely shattered... literally," Daniel said with a small groan of pain as he flicked his legs up onto his bed again. He pulled the extremely thin sheet of cloth that was supposed to keep them warm, over him. "Night guys," he murmured softly, finishing his sentence with a large yawn.
"Night Danny."
"Yeah. Night Daniel. Try not to move your arm too much and the sling should hold it in the right position."
The boy smiled slightly at Sam as he murmured, "OK. Thanks Sam. Night."
~~~~~~
Within a couple of minutes Daniel was snoring gently. At 9:00pm the lights switched off automatically and the room plunged into gloom. It was not too dark to see because there was a faint light emanating from the light panels on the ceiling.
Sam was lying on her bed staring at the ceiling. She knew Jack was awake because he was humming gently to himself tunelessly. She rolled over and stared at him finding a smile cross her lips.
He lay staring at the roof as she had been a few seconds ago. There was something strange about his expression. He was just smiling blankly at the ceiling. She watched him for a few minutes.
"What's up?" Sam whispered as he turned to look at her.
He rolled straight off his bed with shock, "Sam! I didn't know anyone was still awake!" He blushed a deep scarlet as he scrambled back onto the metal shelf that protruded from the wall.
"I'm sorry I made you jump!" Her voice was quiet and Sam was surprised to hear that she sounded just as embarrassed as Jack looked.
"That's OK," he looked away and stared at the floor, "So why are you awake anyway?" He looked at his watch, "It's past eleven."
"I can't sleep... I'm worried I'm never gonna go home again..." Her voice trailed away as she felt another rush of tears crawling through her eyes. She didn't know where home was, but the thought of never escaping from this place was awful. Damn, why was she so emotional? Something about hormones, no doubt!
She gave a small sob as Jack rose up swiftly and came to comfort her. He sat beside her as she began to cry quietly into his shoulder. His arms encircled her. One held her tightly around her waist and the other around her shoulders.
She held her face in her hands as she tried to swallow her sobs. She shook with each sob as she held them back.
"Don't worry, Sam. I promise I'll do everything I can to get us out of here!" He rubbed her back gently as he spoke gently murmuring in her ear.
"I know you will," she mumbled her face still buried in his shoulder.
Jack clenched his jaw. He was finding it really difficult. He knew they weren't, for some reason, meant to be together, but all he wanted to do was kiss her and be with her. It was a different type of torture for Jack.
Sam stopped sobbing. Her back had stopped shaking, but he didn't loosen his grip. His self-discipline had just faded away as his memory had. She raised her head as she stared into his eyes. She pulled away slightly as she realised for the first time that Jack liked her too. She saw that his eyes must be reflecting what she was thinking as she felt her stomach knot nervously. She knew she shouldn't be doing this, but it was so hard not to. She felt an urge to kiss him. She could tell by the look in his eyes that he wanted to kiss her too! It surprised her, but hey, she wasn't complaining! He swallowed as if willing himself not to, but he still tightened his grip around her pulling her closer to him.
He wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb as he cupped her face in his hand. Her pulse raced. She tilted her head towards his as she felt his breath tickle her cheek, "You know, we really shouldn't do this..." he whispered gently.
"I know. I just can't...! I love you, Jack," she whispered back as she stared into his eyes. She smiled as her lips touched his gently. She felt a bolt of electricity shoot through her as her lips brushed his in a short kiss. She relaxed into his arms as she kissed him again without delay.
"I love you too, Sam. I've loved you for ages!" He mumbled as she kissed him. She closed her eyes. Her blood was still pumping furiously through her. She kissed him again and again as he murmured, "I love you so much!"
She knew she'd loved him for ages and felt her resistance failing. She kissed him harder. She had loved him for ages, she had wanted him for ages and now she had him. She sighed gently as he pressed kisses against her lips fervently.
Time seemed to stop as the two teenagers sat huddled together on the metal shelf in the middle of a Goa'uld fortress. Both were blissfully unaware of time and consequences and for the first time in the years since they'd met they both realised at the same time how much they really loved each other. This wasn't just a crush. It hadn't been for more than three years. Though they couldn't remember, it hadn't been a crush since Antarctica or after that. The zatarc testing and when Jack had been stranded for three months off world. When Jack had killed Hathor as she attempted to fry Sam's brain with the ribbon device. On all these occasions both had secretly realised it was more than just an attraction, but all that was forgotten and the memories didn't even occur to them.
She pulled away gently as she stared into Jack's eyes. She smiled as he kissed her forehead and rested his on hers lightly, "You don't know how long I've wanted to kiss you, Sam."
"Neither do you!" Sam pointed out as he stared into her eyes that twinkled merrily.
He let out a small chuckle, "No, I don't, but I know it's been a long time!" he said it so sincerely that Sam found her heart thumping happily in her chest, "I love you, Sam."
Sam kissed him again. She was overflowing with love. Her hand crawled to the back of his head and ran its fingers through his hair as he pulled her even closer.
A small snore from Daniel made Sam jump. She pulled away realising in unison with Jack that they weren't alone. She looked away bashfully. Jack bit his lip, but a smile still managed to creep onto his face, "Well...I guess we better get some rest. Teal'c and Daniel might get suspicious in the morning if we're both falling asleep on our feet."
With one final kiss he released her from his grip. He rose from the bed as Sam watched him walk across the room and crawl under the incredibly thin piece of cloth. He stared at her for a moment seeing the disappointment in her eyes and feeling her kisses still burning on his skin.
"Night," he whispered as his head lowered onto his jacket. He realised she'd given her jacket to Daniel. Feeling his love for her overpowering him he grabbed his jacket. He threw it at her, "Rest your head on that."
She looked shocked by his gesture, but didn't show it when she replied quietly, "Thanks Jack. Night." She murmured as she smiled and closed her eyes.
~~~~~~
As Daniel woke the next morning he looked around. One of Jack's arms was hanging off the side of his bed, while he used the other for a headrest. Daniel saw the luminous green light of Jack's wristwatch. 7:04am.
Daniel stretched and yawned as he crawled out of the uncomfortable bed. He sat on the floor as he looked around the room. Teal'c was still asleep. Maybe he hadn't had a lot of sleep recently. Daniel's eyes fell upon Sam.
She lay sleeping. Her jacket was screwed up in a ball beneath her head as a pillow. Daniel frowned. That couldn't be right. He had her jacket. He then realised why Jack's arm was being used as a pillow. He smiled. Jack was a great friend. She was smiling slightly in her sleep or at least it looked like she was smiling. She looked really pretty...
All of a sudden the lights switched back on. He heard a groan from behind him. He turned to see Jack stretching and glancing at his watch sleepily. He looked really tired.
"Morning Jack. How long did you stay awake last night? You look exhausted!" Daniel murmured.
Daniel was surprised to see something flicker across Jack's now youthful features. He cleared his throat quietly immediately loosing the expression before Daniel could translate it, "At least midnight. I had trouble sleeping."
"Yeah me too, but I managed to get to sleep before lights out," Daniel said. He chuckled gently, "Teal'c doesn't have the same problem!"
Jack snorted at Daniel's comment, "Lucky Teal'c!"
`Lucky me! Not lucky Teal'c!' Jack thought to himself as he glanced over at Sam.
She looked amazing as she slept. Her hair was spread all over her makeshift pillow, glinting in the artificial light. Her face was pale and beautifully calm. She had a smile on her lips. Jack just wanted to go over to her and kiss her, but he still felt that feeling that they weren't supposed to be together. He sighed gently as Teal'c sat up straight all of a sudden. He raised an eyebrow, "I have been..."
"Asleep," Jack supplied, grinning as Teal'c's eyebrow raised another notch.
"I do not usually sleep."
"No you don't, but I can't remember why!" Daniel said quietly.
Teal'c looked around, "What time is it, O'Neill?
Jack glanced at his watch, "Ten past seve..."
The door slid open cutting off the rest of Jack's sentence. Eight more bowls and bits of bread were brought in as their other bowls were taken away.
As the door closed again, Daniel and Teal'c crawled over to the food and began to tuck in noisily.
Jack crawled over to Sam's bedside with the food. Teal'c and Daniel were already chatting as Jack gently stroked her cheek. Her smile widened as her eyes opened. She smiled at him and whispered, "You know a girl needs her beauty sleep!"
"You don't," Jack murmured bashfully, feeling a rush of blood to his cheeks and the tips of his ears, "I brought you breakf... well actually I'm not quite sure what it is, but I'm assuming it is breakfast!"
She chuckled at Jack's humour as sat up straight, pulling her hair behind her ears. She smiled at him as she slid off her bed to crouch beside him, "Thanks."
Daniel turned to face her with a cheery, "Morning Sam." Teal'c just inclined his head and continued eating. Daniel turned back to Teal'c and continued to babble on about something. Even with memory loss Daniel could talk anyone to the brink of insanity. Luckily for Teal'c that brink was a very, very, long way away!
Jack stared at Sam as she began to eat her food. She dunked the bread in and let the slop dribble off it back into the bowl. She looked at it disgusted and threw the bread in the corner to join Jack's piece from last night. He grinned approvingly as she smiled. The same smile she'd shown him last night. The one that made him want to grab her and hold her and never let her go. She turned suddenly watching Daniel as he sniffed the bread distastefully.
By the end of the meal, there were five pieces of `bread' in the corner and Sam was surprised she'd even been able to eat that stuff yesterday!
She found herself just gazing at Jack as he tried to doze back off to sleep. She could remember seeing him tired before, but couldn't remember what he used to look like anymore!
Her head thumped painfully and Sam frowned. She was never staying up late again... well, maybe sometimes, but... only when someone else was up as well!
The `someone else' sighed frustrated. Sleep just wasn't coming! It didn't help with Daniel twittering at the speed of light beside him.
As though reading his mind Sam turned to Daniel, "Daniel, can you keep it down a bit. Jack's trying to sleep and I've got a headache!"
As Sam addressed him the boy turned a deep shade of embarrassed pink, "Oh sorry, Sam!" He apologised hurriedly shutting up and turning to Jack, "Sorry!" Jack just nodded at him as he turned back to Teal'c and began muttering quietly. He looked at Sam across the room. Did she really have a headache?
Jack guessed so. Her eyebrows furrowed into a small frown and her eyes were squeezed shut. She did look pale and quite ill. Jack wanted to rush to her side, but the nagging feeling returned and he stayed where he was.
There was a clunk as the door opened. Two Jaffa stood in the doorway. They walked in swiftly and grabbed Sam from her bed. Her eyes shot open with shock as they lifted her up roughly.
Jack jumped up and started trying to grab Sam away from them as Daniel and Teal'c joined him. Jack was shoved to the floor as the Jaffa laughed dragging Sam screaming through the door.
"JAC...!"
THUD!
The door closed cutting off the end of Sam's cry. Jack sat where he'd been knocked down. He felt his eyes prickle. They'd taken her and again there had been nothing he could do to stop them. Daniel was now in a lot of pain and he dreaded to think what could happen to Sam.
Daniel looked at Jack nervously, "Jack, it wasn't your fau..."
"They just took her, Daniel! They could be torturing her for hours!" His voice cracked as he fought back the hot tears building in his eyes, "Oh God! Don't you get it! It's not just the torture! You heard Apophis yesterday! `In a couple more years... when you've grown up, you would make a wonderful queen!' What if..." Jack voice faltered one tear making it past his fiercely barricaded feelings. He swiped at it furious with himself for showing his weakness yet again.
The room was silent. They all knew what Apophis might do to her and the thought plunged the room into dread, anxiety and the awkward silence, realisation had brought.
Teal'c spoke slowly breaking the silence, "Let us hope that will not happen."
~~~~~~
Sam struggled against the guards as she was dragged through the door into a large chamber. Apophis's back was to her as the Jaffa kicked her in the back of the knee. She buckled and fell onto her knees with a small grimace of pain.
Apophis turned, his eye's glowing ghostly white. He grinned at her as the Jaffa stood behind her roughly tied her hands.
Apophis's grin widened as he flicked up her chin so she was staring into his eyes. "Major Carter," After speaking her name he walked to the back of the room and picked up a device.
Sam knew what it was immediately. It was a torture device, but she couldn't remember where she seen it before. She had a feeling that it had not been used on her before, but she also had the feeling it had. She could remember the agonizing pain and then her mind went blank her memories being blocked again.
He walked behind her his voice speaking in a low, menacing way, "Tell me of the Tok'ra resistance!"
Sam knew the word, but what the Tok'ra resistance was she couldn't remember. She tried to think of something to say, but she obviously took too long. She felt the device touch the skin at the base of her neck and her whole body tensed with the agony. She screamed, as the pain pummelling her body ferociously, became too much. The anguish was so intense Sam felt all her resistance melting away in an instant. The pain stopped and she gasped for breath. Her chest heaved and her limbs drooped as the pain finally left.
She found Apophis grinning at her, "I will ask again, Major Carter. Tell me of the Tok'ra resistance!"
"I don't know what you mean!" Her voice murmured as his glaring stare became furious.
The device touched her again and the crippling pain causing her limbs to spasm in different directions as she tried to escape the torture. She yelled again her scream the only outlet for her breath, which was catching in her lungs. The pain seared through her as if her blood had been replaced with molten iron.
The pain lasted for longer and when it had finished Sam felt her lungs gasping for air. She let a few bitter tears fall from her eyes as she tried to remember the Tok'ra as hard as she could, but no memories came. All that came was another wave of residual pain.
She moaned as Apophis grabbed her chin roughly between his fingers and jerked her face upwards to face him.
Before he could speak, Sam cried, "I don't remember! I don't remember the Tok'ra or anything! Please!" Her voice pleaded as yet more tears poured down her cheeks.
Apophis's face cracked for a second as he considered letting her go. Sam knew Apophis had a weakness where she was concerned and decided if she was going to get herself out of this mess she'd have to play to that advantage. She stared at him with watery blue eyes as his feelings played through his face even more. Suddenly as if realising he was falling for her trick, his expression hardened. His face became as hard as granite as did his voice, "Continue the Torture!"
~~~~~~
Jack sat on his bed, his knees hugged tightly to his chest. Somewhere in this place they were hurting her. He looked up around the room. Teal'c was asleep again which annoyed Jack. How could Teal'c sleep at a time like this! His eyes locked on Daniel. He was sat on the bed beside him. He was staring into space, obviously thinking. Jack thought that thinking was probably the best and only way to get out of here.
He tried to focus his mind on his past. He had to remember something... anything that would save her.
His mind wandered around, but all he could see was images of Sam in pain. His imagination of Sam being tortured had totally taken over his mind and he had no chance of thinking at the moment. He opened his eyes hoping the images would go and to his relief they did.
He looked at his watch. She'd been gone longer than Daniel had and dread began to grip Jack's heart so tightly he thought it would be crushed. He looked away from the watch and back to Daniel who was now watching him curiously.
Daniel spoke quietly, "You OK?" His friend fixed him with a worried frown.
"Just peachy!" Jack replied sarcastically, Daniel's frown deepening.
"Jack, you aren't the only one who cares about Sam, you know!"
Jack looked up shocked at Daniel as the boy snapped at him. For some reason Daniel accusing him of being worried about Sam made him seriously jumpy. Jack felt himself wanting to deny it, but for some reason the words wouldn't come.
Jack looked away embarrassed as Daniel continued, "I'm just as worried as you are Jack. I mean, Sam feels like a sister to me and yet..." he let out a small chuckle, "I still fancy her!" Jack looked straight at Daniel surprised. Daniel continued, "I think that I only fancy her because of the whole teenager thing," Daniel bit his lip obviously choosing his words carefully, "Maybe... you do as well."
Jack realised the truth behind the words, but he also felt the truth behind his feelings, "Daniel, I don't know why, but I don't think so."
It was now Daniel's turn to look shocked. Jack mumbled quietly, "You see, I can't help feeling I've..." he hesitated, the word forming on his lips, "...loved her for a long time..."
Daniel raised an eyebrow. He was about to speak when a sudden clunk from the door made them both freeze and stare at it fearfully.
As the door opened Sam was thrown into the room as if she were made of rags. The Jaffa at the door placed down eight bowls with four pieces of bread and then turned and left.
Before the door had closed Jack was at Sam's side rolling her over from her face down position. Her face was pale and burns and welts covered her skin that wasn't protected by her uniform. Her forehead was creased into a frown of pain. Her lip was bleeding and to Jack it looked as if she'd been biting her lip really hard.
Jack felt useless. He didn't know what to do! Well, that was incorrect! He knew full well what to do; he just couldn't remember what to do!
`First get her on a bed, O'Neill' he told himself as he hooked his arms around Sam's limp form. He carried her to her bed and laid her down gently. He picked up Daniel's jacket from the floor and put it under her head.
He let Teal'c push past him. After all Teal'c was the only one who could help her. He caressed her forehead gently his eyes filling with worry. A frown appeared on his forehead as he removed his hand from her forehead, "O'Neill, pass me the water and, Daniel Jackson, get me that cloth."
Daniel obeyed as Jack passed Teal'c the bowls. As Daniel gave him the cloth he began to rip shreds off it. He folded one up and dipped it in the water. He wringed it out and placed it on her forehead as he spoke, "She is suffering from a fever. We must hope that she will overcome it."
Jack just watched as Teal'c wet another piece of cloth and began to wipe the dried blood away from an ugly weal on her neck and a nasty scorch mark on her cheek.
When he had finished cleaning all her wounds, the water in the bowl was a dusty red colour. He then picked up the other bowl and gave it to Jack, "You must facilitate. Get her to drink the entire contents of this bowl."
"Why me?" Jack asked looking at Teal'c puzzled and slightly nervously wondering if Teal'c knew about him and Sam.
If Teal'c had ever blushed in his life, this was probably the darkest he had or ever would go. He answered slowly, "I do not believe I am strong enough to support her in my current... condition. I must also refasten Daniel Jackson's sling."
"Oh... OK then." Jack muttered gently as Teal'c walked over to Daniel and began to readjust his makeshift sling. Jack walked over to Sam. He carefully lifted up her head and leant her up against him as he sat on the metal shelf. He gently lifted the bowl to her lips. The barely conscious figure gulped down a few mouthfuls as Jack watched her.
This was all his fault! He shouldn't have let them take her! She finished gulping down the cool water and he slid her head from his shoulder back down to the jacket she was using for a pillow. He found himself gripping her hand gently and he lightly moved her damp hair away from her face.
As he went to leave, he felt her hand clasp his tightly. He stared at her hand for a second and then his eyes flicked back to her face.
Her eyelids flickered as he saw her wake from her unconscious stupor. She looked at him for a second and then let a small smile curve her pale lips. He stared at her amazed she was awake.
"Jack..." Her small smile died as she felt a sharp pain hit her. Her eyes squeezed shut as the pain spread through her. She bit her lip holding back the cry of agony that wanted to be released. Her skin felt as though it was blazing, but she felt as though she was freezing. She shivered.
He stroked her hair out of her face affectionately as he spoke, "You're cold?" Her eyes were still firmly shut as the pain began to subside.
As he murmured, Daniel looked up at Jack. He was staring into Sam's pallid and thin face. She nodded in answer to Jack's question and opened her eyes to see Jack struggling to pull his jacket off. He lifted her arms up carefully, trying desperately not to hurt her. He slid her arms through the sleeves and zipped it up. Jack turned to him, "Sam's cold. Teal'c, can I have your jacket and Daniel, get the other cloths."
Teal'c passed him his jacket instantaneously and Daniel snatched up the other bed covers hurriedly passing them to Jack. He felt awful. He wished his arm wasn't broken. He wouldn't be in absolute agony and also he wouldn't be using Sam's jacket. She would be warmer and he would be in less pain!
He couldn't remove his own because it would mean moving his arm, which was a bad idea. Daniel sighed. He felt useless and so decided to try his best to forget his pain and help Jack and Teal'c get them out of here.
Jack pulled the other jacket over her gently. He then tucked the bed cloths over her snugly.
"Better?" he murmured as he stared into her eyes.
She stared at him for a moment before another fiery shot of pain pierced her. A scream left her throat before she could stop it. She finished the yell and felt tears rolling down her cheeks.
She opened her eyes to see Jack staring at her anxiously. He then picked up a clean piece of rag and gently wiped away her tears murmuring, "Does it still hurt?"
Teal'c spoke up, "It is most likely the residual pain from the torture device used upon her."
Jack turned back to Sam and noticed instantly that she was beginning to doze off again. He spoke in a gently whisper, "Are you tired?"
She nodded sleepily as she began to drift back off to sleep. She watched him for a moment as he went to leave and then she grabbed his hand. As he stared into her eyes he deciphered the silent plea in their depths, `Don't go.' He answered her silently by settling himself back down beside her. She smiled as he squeezed her hand gently proving to her he really was there. She gently laid her head back down as she closed her eyes and drifted off into an uneasy and feverish sleep.
~~~~~~
Jack sat there for hours unmoving. His hand still firmly clasped Sam's as if he was afraid he would lose her if he let go.
Daniel watched his friend with curiosity. Maybe it was, as Jack said, more than just some crush. Teal'c slept on the bed beside him as he tried to sleep, but the gnawing pain in his arm would not let him sleep. Instead Daniel watched Jack's expression worriedly. He knew that look he just couldn't remember it! There was something very wrong.
Jack sighed as his eyes connected with Sam's face again. Not taking his eyes from her face he muttered, "Daniel. I thought I told you to get some rest!"
Daniel blinked astonished. He didn't know that Jack had realised he was awake.
"I...I'm worried..."
"Yeah. `Bout what?" Jack voice suddenly became understanding and supportive.
"About you actually," Daniel said as Jack pulled a face. It showed surprise, but he didn't comment. His eyes just, as always, wandered onto the deathly pale face that slept uneasily on the bed, "Jack? What's up?" The question was profoundly stupid and Daniel had expected an extremely simple answer to the question, but with Jack, you could never predict what he was going to say or do.
Jack sat in silence for a few seconds his eyes fixed on a point on the floor.
Finally, after an awkward silence that seemed to stretch on forever, he spoke his voice quiet and uncertain, "No matter what happens in the morning, the serpent guards have to take me."
The statement shocked Daniel into another awkward silence, "Why?"
"Teal'c is the only one with any memory. If they take me they aren't going to find anything. It'll also give you a chance to escape. Teal'c can get you two outta here. It'll be easier than three."
"But Jack..."
"No buts, Daniel," Jack said quietly his eyes landing on Sam again. They filled with pain as they gazed on her, "The only way you'll get out of here is if Teal'c is in full health and... you don't understand."
"Try me! You can tell me anything you know. I like to believe I'm your best friend even though you do think I'm a geek!"
"You're not a geek!" Jack said defensively, "OK, you are a little bit... but you are still me best friend."
Daniel smiled at that and then the smile faded as he murmured, "Jack, tell me."
His friend's voice cracked under the strain of withholding his surging emotions intensified by his now teenage self, "I don't..." He sighed and then said in a whisper, "Nothing can happen to her, Daniel. She has to get home safely. If she doesn't I'll... I'll never forgive myself! She is so frightened. She tries to hide it, but I know. Daniel, she's terrified! I know I've never seen her like this in my life. She has to go home. She needs a doctor urgently and I don't think she'll be able to stand another torture session. I... I don't want her to die, Daniel."
Daniel felt a sudden familiarity with Jack. The man trapped inside a teenage body. The small conversation had let O'Neill, or whoever he was, shine through. And O'Neill was, for use of a better word, scared. More scared than Daniel could believe. His bravado kept it hidden... what was it Sam used to call it? Oh yeah, the way of the warrior crap! Truth was, Jack was just as scared as he was.
Daniel stared at the figure hunched up still holding Sam's hand, "Jack, I promise, I won't let anything happen to her while I'm still able to protect her. I'll get her home."
"Thanks Danny. That means a lot to me," he paused then added, "Now get some sleep. Geez! You'd think the Sand Man didn't exist!"
With a smile Daniel laid his head down on his good arm and dropped off to an uncomfortable sleep laced with bad dreams and pain. He knew deep in his heart that in the morning he might have to say a final goodbye to one of his best friends and he hated it!
~~~~~~
Sam tried hard to get the barriers guarding her memories to fall. All she wanted was to remember something... anything!
She wanted to know who she was and what she did. She wanted to know why there was a guilty feeling in her stomach whenever she touched Jack. She wanted to know who, what or where `The Tok'ra' was. She wanted to know about her family and her friends. She wanted to know all the things she couldn't remember!
One memory... anything...!
"Hey Carter! Whatcha doin'?"
She looked up from the small and intricate device she was tampering with on her desk...
That had been part of a memory. The voice had sounded familiar...
"Colonel! I was just..."
"You're still playing with that thing!"
Her eyes fell upon the face in front of her as a smile curved her lips. The man was twiddling a delicate instrument in his fingers. He had dark greying hair and even darker eyes. A beautiful dark brown...
Could it be? Sam was so confused. Why did she just call him Colo...?
He smiled warmly as she instinctively took the gadget away from him. "Carter, I was going to get a bite to eat if you wanna come?"
"No thanks, Sir, I've just got to..."
"Nah uh uh. No way, Carter," he grinned wagging his finger at her, "You're not getting out of it! You are coming now! It's unhealthy to stay cooped up in here all day and besides when was the last time you ate something?"
She stared back down at the table, "Not since breakfast..."
She looked up to see his face looking slightly concerned, "You should eat something! Besides you need brain food to make up for my stupidity!" She made no effort of moving as Jack put on a fake stern glance, "Shall I make that an order?"
She felt herself grinning, shaking her head with a pretend exasperated sigh, as she got up from the swivelling chair...
Sam woke with a shock, confused and disorientated. As she stared around blindly, she felt a cooling hand on her skin and another supporting her head slightly. She felt the fingers gently stroking her face as a gentle voice whispered, "Shh. Sam, you're OK."
Her eyes fell into focus as she saw Jack grin at her. The grin was identical to the one the man had smiled in her dream.
He gently laid her head back onto the jacket beneath her head, as he stroked her hair and stared into her eyes lovingly. She didn't speak as her mouth felt so dry.
As if reading her mind, he immediately gave her a sip of the cool water. She looked around her. The lights had been switched off and Teal'c and Daniel slept soundly. She wondered what the time was. She glanced at Jack's wristwatch. 2:00am. Had she woken him up?
His face was worn and he looked exhausted. He had rings under his eyes and red marks from where he'd rubbed them.
"Did I wake you?" she whispered gently as she closed her eyelids.
"No. I haven't slept at all," Sam opened her eyes to stare at him.
"You have to get some sleep. You look dead on your feet!"
"As long as you go back to sleep as well!" As he spoke, he began stroking her face again gently.
When he went to pull away she murmured, "Don't stop."
He smiled at her as his eyes wandered over her face. After what felt like hours he whispered, "Can I kiss you?"
"What kind of a stupid question is that?" She whispered back feeling a smile of her own curving her lips.
He closed the space between them as he kissed her with his soft lips. After a second he pulled back and continued to smile at her softly.
She smiled back gently, not knowing whether to tell him of her strange dream or not. She yawned sleepily as her eyelids fluttered dozily. Jack leant his head on their hands and began to doze. She stroked his temple as she gently closed her eyes, "Night Colonel."
Before she'd had time to realise what she'd said she drifted into a deep slumber.
~~~~~~
Jack woke the next morning with a jolt. Daniel was sat a few feet away from him besides another helping of that wonderful mush. Oh joy!
He realised Sam's hand was still in his and to his relief it felt cooler than it had last night. He stared at her face. There was no feverish flush on her cheeks. That was a good start. He felt her forehead and it wasn't burning to the touch. The fever was gone! Jack sighed with relief as he collapsed back down to the floor.
"She looks better," he muttered. Daniel didn't know whether he was talking to him or assuring himself. Jack then turned to Daniel and crawled over to the food. He ate it hurriedly, all the time staring at Sam. Once he's finished his face became serious and contemplating. Daniel watched him intrigued as he sat his eyes fixed on Sam and, after a minute, he turned to Teal'c who was watching him.
"Teal'c, I need you to do me a favour."
"Specify your favour, O'Neill, and I will consider it." If the kid ever smiled this was probably the best smile he'd had or would ever be graced to see!
"I need you to teach me swear words!"
"You what?!?" Daniel exclaimed with a confused frown.
"Swear words in the Jaffa language. In fact you can help as well. I might need someone to help me remember," he told Daniel, as he and Teal'c sat there in silence as Jack sighed with exasperation, "Look will you just teach me!"
Daniel couldn't believe he was doing this, but in the end Teal'c was giving a lecture on Goa'uld swear words and Jack was listening with rapt attention. The whole situation would have been hilarious if it hadn't been for Jack's totally serious expression as he tried to cram the words into his brain.
~~~~~~
It took him twenty minutes to learn and understand around fifteen words and phrases. Jack was very pleased with himself. For a guy with some form of amnesia, he was doing great! He had about three minutes until the Jaffa came and took him.
He crawled over to Sam's side and pulled her hair out of her eyes. She stirred, but she was barely awake and was in a place between unconsciousness and waking. He murmured softly, "Sam, I have to go soon, but Danny is gonna look after you, OK?"
"What? OK."
She stared at him blearily. She heard the doors clunking as it opened. Jack bent down and kissed her gently and whispered, "I love you," he rose swiftly.
Daniel could see Jack trembling slightly as the door ascended and the Jaffa strode in. One of them grinned maliciously, "Shol'va!" They turned making a B line for Teal'c. She watched as suddenly Jack began spouting a familiar language that she couldn't quite place the name of and by the deepening colour of purple rage the Jaffa's faces were turning, the language was pretty colourful!
Jack was seized roughly and dragged from the room, as Daniel stood just watching the door slide shut. Sam could barely talk, but she managed to yell as loud as she could this time, "Daniel! What the hell are you playing at? Jack...!"
"He told us to escape without him. He sacrificed himself because he knew Teal'c was the only one with any memory. If I'd objected the Jaffa may have gone back to their original orders to take Teal'c."
Sam felt tears lacing her eyelashes as Daniel hooked his arms around her standing her up straight, "You ready, Teal'c?"
"We have five minutes before the guards pass this door again, Daniel Jackson."
Daniel stared into her eyes as he tried to help her get her balance, "We're escaping. You're gonna have to try to stand up at least. I can't carry you `cos of my busted arm and well..." he looked at Teal'c's shrunken form, "...neither can Teal'c so you're gonna have to try your hardest, OK?"
She spent the whole five minutes supporting herself and even walking at least a few metres on her own. She had to do this.
Suddenly Teal'c bristled as he heard footsteps passing the door.
"Jaffa! Jaffa! Kree!"
The doors opened as Teal'c flattened himself against the wall. As the Jaffa stepped through the door he knocked them out and with the help of Daniel all four guards lay in an unconscious heap.
Teal'c lifted up a staff weapon and three other guns Sam couldn't remember the name of, "You must both practice aiming," Teal'c said and nodded towards the Jaffa as he passed them a weapon each.
They both successfully hit one of the unconscious Jaffa. Daniel flinched and shuddered, as Sam just closed her eyes. She realised she had used it before, "A zat gun..."
"Indeed," Teal'c smiled slightly, "Your memory returns?"
"Well, not exactly I have flashes."
Teal'c just nodded, "We should leave now before more Jaffa enter and prevent our departure."
~~~~~~
Whatever the damn thing was, it hurt as it was pushed into his temple! Jack grunted from the sharp pain as Apophis grinned evilly.
"Do you know what this is, Colonel?"
"Not a clue," Jack said quite nastily, "Please. Enlighten me!"
Apophis's grin twisted into a horrible smirk, "This is a Tok'ra Memory Recall Device..."
"Oh that's good! Maybe it'll find mine!"
Apophis ignored Jack's outburst and continued, "It has been adapted so I can use it as a method of torture."
"Oh great! I'm ecstatic!"
Apophis just grinned wider as his eyes glowed, "Attach him to the screen! He will show us everything!"
The device in Jack's temple was hooked up to a huge screen as Apophis activated it...
BANG!
A gunshot echoed through the house. Jack felt himself running up some stairs. He pushed open a door. Sprawled out on the carpet in front of him lay a boy, but not just any boy! Who was he?
The boy had short brown hair and wide shocked eyes. A gun lay by his outstretched fingers as his blood dripped onto the pale carpet leaving scarlet stains...
"CHARLIE! NO!"
Jack turned to find a screaming woman push past him. She ran to the boy and cradled his head in her lap. She sobbed as tears streamed down her face. She was also familiar, but who was she?
"Who are you?" he murmured.
"Jack! You've gotta help me!"
"Who are you!" Jack demanded.
"Jack? It's me, it's Sara," Jack shook his head still not knowing who she was, "Sara, your wife."
Tears rolled down her cheeks. He knew her. Sara? His wife? Jack's mind raced. Married? To this woman?
"Please. Jack! We have to get Charlie home!"
"What?"
She pointed behind him. As he turned he saw the Stargate looming in front of him. "Jack! He's dying! Please we have to dial home!"
Jack reached for the controlled that stood before him, but still couldn't remember the address. He shook his head.
"I don't remember."
"JACK! YOUR SON IS DYING BECAUSE... because of you! Now we have to get him home!"
"My son?"
"Jack! Charlie is dying! Dial home and use the GDO code!"
"What? I don't remember!"
"Jack, dial home quickly! Do it NOW!" She yelled angrily.
"How about... NO!"
The woman, Sara, rose from the ground and grabbed him around the neck as she spoke menacingly, "Ignorant Tau'ri! TELL ME THE GDO CODE!"
"NO!" Jack yelled as he pulled away from Apophis's grip. He gasped for air as the Goa'uld's eyes flashed.
"Why do you resist?"
"Oh for crying out loud! I don't remember the GDO code or what it is! Dammit! I don't even remember the address!"
"SILENCE!" Apophis was fuming ferociously, "You will pay for your lies, Tau'ri!" His hand raised as the centre of the device on his palm glowed.
~~~~~~
As Sam hobbled down the corridors, she felt nauseous. They were going to leave him behind!
"Teal'c. Wait."
The Jaffa turned around, "We do not have time to rest, Samantha Carter."
"No. Teal'c, we have to go back for him."
"That would be unwise..."
"I don't care, Teal'c! I know Jack would never leave any of us behind! He used to say something," she screwed her eyes shut as she tried to remember...
"GET DOWN, CARTER!"
She felt pain as a bullet pierced her leg and then as another nicked her ribs. She tried to keep running for the gate, but felt herself collapse to the marshy ground from the searing pain. She heard the gate engage. The others were gonna get back safely.
She saw someone crawling towards her through a clump of long, murky brown grass. The gate was open a few feet away. She watched as Daniel and Teal'c dived through.
A muddy, concerned face appeared beside her...
His eyes flashed with something, as he crawled beside her and grabbed her arms as if ready to help her stand.
"Sir, leave without me!" She stammered as she inhaled a sharp breath. The pain coursed through her like a storm.
"I'm not leaving you behind!" He hooked an arm around her waist as he tried to help her up and avoid the gunfire at the same time.
"Sir, you can't. Just GO!" She tried to yell, but whimpered afterwards as she almost fell back to the boggy floor. He kept hold of her firmly, "Jack, please. Save yourself."
"I'm not leaving without you," he said and Sam saw the determination in his eyes.
"GO!" She managed to squeeze the cry out of her lungs and inhaled sharply.
"NO, Sam!"
He grabbed her side and they stood, but her legs gave way almost immediately. They both dropped to the marshy floor. He looked at her and she realised that it was going to be a miracle if he got her out of here.
She saw him frown, a strong willpower engulfing him as he stood again this time lifting her into his arms. He then ran for the gate trying hard not slip on the mud. They ran through the gate as he let out a cry. They landed in a heap on the ramp as a metal shield closed over the gate and the Stargate switched off.
She looked at Jack. He held his shoulder and she could see blood seeping through his fingers. It looked as though a bullet had just nicked the top of his left arm. She lay on the ramp and stared at him as she whispered in a shaky voice, "Why?"
He looked at her and she knew the look in his eyes. She knew why although neither of them could ever say it. He clutched his shoulder harder as he stared at the ramp. He spoke his voice quiet as he murmured, "No one gets left behind, remember...?"
"No one gets left behind!" she said triumphantly as Teal'c inclined his head.
"Indeed. That phrase is well utilized by Colonel O'Neill."
"Well let's put it to practice!"
"Sam," Daniel stared at her opening his blue eyes wide, "I want to rescue him as much as you do, but it would be suicide..."
"Then I'll go without you!"
Daniel shook his head, "I can't let you do that!"
Sam yelled angrily, "WHY THE HELL NOT!" Sam swayed slightly with the exertion. She knew her fever was returning, as was the aching left from her torture. Dammit!
Daniel caught her with his good arm and held her to his side, "Sam," he murmured, "I promised Jack I would get you home safely. What I meant was I can't let you go... alone!" He smiled slightly as her face lit up. She hugged him tightly and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He winced at the pressure on his arm and she immediately pulled away to find him blushing bashfully.
She grinned again, "Thank you, Daniel!"
Teal'c sighed, "If you and Daniel Jackson are to rescue O'Neill, you will require my assistance."
Sam hugged Teal'c as well, "Thanks Teal'c." She pulled away, "Now let's go find Jack!"
Daniel Jackson supported Samantha Carter as they tried to jog down the corridors. Daniel Jackson had been correct. This was probably suicide, but Teal'c would rather die than leave any of his comrades here.
They turned a corner as he shot another two serpent guards with his Zat. They were obviously close now. He heard a yell of agony coming from up ahead, "NO!"
"Jack!" Sam whispered fearfully as she quickened her pace pulling Daniel along with her, even though her body felt as though it had been churned around in a cement mixer!
The blood-curdling voice of Apophis echoed from the room, "SILENCE!"
They shot another six Jaffa as they turned into it. They stopped dead in the doorway.
"You will pay for your lies, Tau'ri!" Sam gasped in horror as she saw Apophis using the ribbon device on Jack. For some unknown reason she suddenly remembered what the device was and what it was doing to Jack. All of a sudden all her memories came gushing back in a huge tidal wave. Almost everything she knew struck her in a split second and random images appeared and disappeared in no apparent order in her mind.
Daniel removed his arm from supporting her as he and Teal'c began to shoot the many Jaffa swarming the room.
Suddenly the world seemed to be going in slow motion. She ran as fast as she could towards the golden, but deadly beam. She saw everything at once. Teal'c and Daniel shooting the Jaffa, the dead Jaffa slumping to the floor, the malicious grin of Apophis, the way his eyes didn't move from Jack and Jack, his face screwed up with agony as the light focused in the centre of his forehead.
Apophis's face turned towards her as she yelled, "Leave him alone!" She ran through the gunfire of the Jaffa and her friends as she dived for the ribbon of energy.
As she broke it she was thrown across the room straight into the wall. Apophis yelled angrily in Goa'uld as Jack shook his head trying to stop the swimming. What happened?
He saw a gun lying beside him and lunged for it. He rolled across the floor and began to shoot at Apophis. Glaring angrily, Apophis touched the armband on his left forearm. His face was contorted with fury as teleportation rings encircled him and he disappeared with a flash of light. The rings ascended as the last Jaffa in the room fell.
Why had Apophis stopped using that hand thing? A memory flashed in his memory. Sam! But she could barely walk, let alone run! He turned suddenly as dread hit him like a cold wave.
His eyes fixed on her motionless body, her eyes closed. He crawled over to her. She was propped up against the wall, her head lolling on her shoulder. She had a nasty gash across her forehead and she looked eerily pale.
He lowered her gently to the floor as Daniel joined him and Teal'c stood watch by the door. Jack put his ear to her mouth and could hear and feel her breath leaving her lips. She was alive. Thank God!
"Come on, Sam," Jack murmured, "Please wake up."
She didn't stir. Daniel shared a worried look with Jack. There was something incredibly creepy about her condition, but Daniel had no idea what. He examined the look of unprecedented fear on his best friend's face before the boy gritted his jaw and hid the expression in a way Daniel was extremely familiar with.
Teal'c began dismantling a control panel on the wall, "We must use the teleportation rings to escape to the surface."
Jack lifted the unconscious form of Sam into his arms as him and Daniel stepped into the area beneath the rings. Teal'c scooted in next to them as the rings encircled them.
The next thing Jack saw was the surface. More precisely the inside of a temple. It looked really familiar, but... as usual... he couldn't put a finger on it.
He supported her dead weight as they strolled swiftly to the gate. After about a quarter of an hour, but what felt like 15 times as much they finally heard the sounds of a pursuit. They began to ascend a familiar rocky, but gentle slope as the Stargate appeared before them. It rose like the sun over the rocky hill in front of them.
Jack's watch said it was 11:20am. About midday, on Earth, but here the sun was just rising. It's pale green light illuminating the Stargate and the mist gave it a mysterious air. The fresh dawn breeze chilled Jack as they jogged towards the gate as fast as they could. The sound of shouts and calls came from behind them as the reached the Stargate.
Teal'c pressed the symbols on the device stood before the Stargate swiftly. With a tremendous whoosh of light and energy, a water-like substance burst from the metal ring. He typed something into the device on his arm; Jack assumed it was the GDO.
Teal'c turned swiftly staring back at the temple as serpent guards poured from the entrance. He shot down a few as he and his friends ran to the gate. He helped them through the gate as staff blasts rang in their ears.
~~~~~~
Part Two
Jack looked up to see about thirty guns pointed at them. There was a sound of metal scraping against metal and Jack looked behind him to see a metal shield slide across the gate as after a few seconds the gate shut down. He looked at Sam, who lay beside him as cold as the metal ramp. Something was beginning to frighten Jack and whatever it was it was to do with Sam's unconsciousness.
"Come on, Sam," he repeated desperately, shaking her shoulder as gently as possible, "Wake up."
A man's voice came from all around him, "Who are you? Why do you have SG-1's codes? If you tell us, we will not harm you."
As the voice echoed through the speakers Teal'c stared up. Jack followed his eye line. Behind a glass screen stood a man. Whoever he was, Jack had a lot of respect for him.
"General Hammond, it is I."
Once the words had been spoken the man ran out of the room and came through a rising metal door to the left. He approached looking absolutely confused, "Teal'c?" The man stared at the small boy he then turned. His eyes connected with Jack's, "Colonel?"
Jack felt tears in his eyes and immediately swiped at them, "Please, Mister. You've gotta help Sam. She's really hurt. I don't know what's wrong. She won't wake up!"
He felt his eyes still prickling as the short man nodded, "Get a medical team in here. You can tell me what happened later, Colonel."
Suddenly the room was crammed with yet more people. They lifted Sam onto a stretcher as the dark haired woman exclaimed, "What's the emergen...? Oh my God! Sam? Alright guys, I need fluids stat..." She had a good-natured face and Jack knew she was his friend. She began calling out orders as Sam was rushed out of the room.
"Right SG-1, go to the Infirmary."
"Infirmary?" Jack was so confused. He looked at Daniel who looked equally oblivious to what the man was talking about. He then looked back at the short man, "What's the Infirmary?"
General Hammond stared at him in disbelief. Teal'c spoke, "I will debrief you fully later General Hammond, but first I must lead Colonel O'Neill and Daniel Jackson to the Infirmary."
"Yes. I think that would be a good idea Teal'c."
~~~~~~
Jack lay on the bed. He couldn't sleep. He looked at his watch. 1:13am. He was too nervous to sleep. He didn't know where he was or what he did. He couldn't remember any of the people who called him by name and... Dr. Fraiser, yeah that was it, was not telling him anything about Sam's condition.
She'd prodded and poked them for hours and finally Dr. Fraiser had declared they were who they said they were. Teal'c had told the General all about their memory loss and torture. Daniel had been asleep while Teal'c had told the General, but Jack had been awake. He was still shivering uncontrollably from the sickening memories and he couldn't stop. The Doctor had given him something to stop the shock and Jack must admit that he only made small shivers now and then, instead of shuddering permanently.
His eyes were fixed on the screen cornering off Sam's part of the Infirmary. Nurses had been bustling in and out from behind the surgical green curtain all day and had got him even more worried. He wanted to know what Doc. Fraiser hadn't told him.
"Speak of the Devil," Jack muttered as Dr. Fraiser came out from behind the screen. She gasped at his voice. She looked up at him shocked. Was she crying?
"Colonel! I didn't expect you to be awake!"
"Doc? What's wrong? It's Sam, isn't it? What's wrong with her?"
She gave a small gasp trying to control her sob. She couldn't make too much noise because Daniel and Teal'c were sleeping.
"It's bad, isn't it?"
"I'm afraid so," she said gently coming to sit at the edge of Jack's bed, "Do you want to see her?"
Jack was out of the bed in a flash and the woman smiled warmly at him beneath her tired features. She took him to the curtain and led him around it.
A lamp was on, its strong luminescence lighting up the pale face that lay on the slightly paler pillows. She looked terrible. An oxygen mask was hooked over her face that was so ashen that her skin was almost translucent. Her hair laid sweat sodden around her forehead, where the nasty gash showed up violently as did the burn on her cheek. She had dark rings beneath her eyes and what looked like a bruise on one side of her face.
Jack lowered himself into the chair beside her. She looked like a corpse and if it wasn't for the steady rise and fall of her chest she could have been.
She had at least twenty wires and tubes going into her body. It was scary how much she resembled some kind of lab experiment. He touched her hand. It was cooler than usual and Jack felt the warning in his heart increase.
He stared up at the doctor who fought back more tears, "What's wrong with her?"
She sighed and rubbed her eyes tiredly, "I think that when she severed the link between you and the ribbon device that the blow hit her full on here," she pointed to the side of Sam's head where a large purple bruise had formed, "I tried to stabilise her. The good news is that her brain is still active, but the bad news is she's slipped into a coma..."
Jack stopped listening. Sam was in a coma because of him. Oh God!
He stared at their fingers entwined on the bed cloth. He loved her. He truly loved her. He squeezed her hand tighter as if willing her to wake up.
"She won't wake, Colonel."
"No, she will. I know Sam. She's a fighter!"
"Sir, she won't wake up. About fifteen minutes after you got her through the gate she stopped breathing. She can't breathe on her own..." Jack stared at her in absolute horror as she continued, "I know Major Carter was more than a friend to you Colonel and I know if you could've you would've told her how you felt sooner, but..."
"She knows how I feel. I've already told her."
"You have? But what about the regs?"
Jack frowned at her not knowing what regulations she meant. He sighed, "I can't remember anything about my life up until a few days ago! One of the only things I know is that I love her. In fact, it's the only thing other than their names that I can remember."
The Doctor moved over to him as she spoke, "Sam was one of my closest friends. I know she felt the same way, Colonel..."
And with that she left Jack alone.
The heart beat monitor beeped frequently as Jack stared at the girl. Sam. The girl he loved. The girl who was being kept alive by a machine. The girl who would never remember who she was. The girl who may never wake up again...
"Sam?" he murmured quietly, "Sam? You in there?" He felt his heart ache as there was no reply. He spoke softly, "Well, I'll just assume you can hear me. I was wondering if you could wake up soon. You've got everyone real worried."
After a short silence he muttered to himself, "Don't be such a dumb ass, O'Neill! She can't hear you!" He paused. This was stupid! She couldn't hear him! But Jack could remember something about comas. People sometimes came out of them!
He continued, "Guess what? I really am a Colonel. Teal'c wasn't just making it up. Apparently you're a Major. My second in command. I couldn't ask for anyone better. You've got a PHD in Astrophysics. You're a real brain box! Did you know that? I bet you did! Daniel's an archaeologist... well... something like that. He digs up rocks for a living! You know? Of course you do!"
She lay still and cold faced. `She can't hear you, Jack! So what's the point in talking to her!'
Jack shook away the thought and continued, his voice faltering slightly, "Your Dad is coming to see you soon." Maybe if he just kept talking he wouldn't break down, "He lives off world. He's a Tok-thingee. You know? Of course you do!"
Jack found himself repeating himself. He shuddered as he felt all the pain and loss hit him. He let a tear fall bitterly from his eyes as he stared at her.
"God I'm sorry, Sam!" He murmured quietly, "This is all my fault! Why did you come back? Why!" He spoke louder frustration taking over. He calmed down, "I can almost hear you now. `You would have done the same for me, Jack'! And you know, you're right! As always! I would go back for you... because I love you, Sam."
Silence.
He smiled slightly and wiped his watery eyes. He stretched out his right hand and stroked the hair from her face, "You just hang in there, Sam. You can make it. I know you can."
He got up and kissed her softly as if wishing it was a fairy tale, but it wasn't. She wasn't going to wake up.
He sighed and then whispered, "Sweet dreams, Sam."
He sat back down in the chair and watched over her until the Doctor dragged him back to bed a few hours later. Jack drifted back off to an uneasy sleep with endless nightmares that circled in his mind like buzzards. Sam was as good as dead... and it was his fault.
~~~~~~
Fog. Goddamn Fog. It was ridiculous. She couldn't see a thing. She felt as though she was floating on water. Or in water. She was so cold. Suddenly her eyesight cleared sharply. A memory flashed through her mind...
Sam opened her eyes blearily. Instinctively she glanced down at her arm. The `superman' device now lay on the floor cradling her arm, no longer attached to her. It was then she remembered. She'd hit the force shield.
She sat up and stared in front of her. He was lying there on the other side of the shield, unconscious. His armband was also lying on the floor beside him...
He was Jack. There was now not even a shadow of a doubt as to who the mysterious man in her dreams had been. She only had to see him lying there unconscious to know it was him...
She spoke as loudly as she could. He had to wake up. "Sir?" He didn't stir. She began to worry about him. If he didn't wake up soon... She spoke louder and more urgently, "Colonel!"
This time he jolted back awake. First he glanced at her and then down at his arm muttering, "Should've brought more snacks."
Humour was his way of covering the fact that the situation was bad. Very bad.
Sam answered him, "I don't think that would've helped."
He nodded slightly and then glanced at his wristwatch as he pushed himself off of the floor, "1: 56."
1: 56? Sam couldn't remember what that meant. She tried to think hard and then the answer suddenly came to her. Everything about the memory came flooding back. They'd been on a mission to destroy Apophis's new mother ship. They'd planted C-4 in the generator and when it went off they had ten minutes before the whole mountain exploded. 1 minute 54 seconds was how long they had before the C-4...
Jack hit the force shield with balled fists as if checking it was there. Sam spoke desperately, "Sir, you've gotta get out of here."
As if denying her implications of leaving her behind, he muttered, "So do you." He then began to hit the force shield panel beside him with a piece of pipe or something he'd ripped from the wall.
She spoke again feeling her desperation growing, "Sir, there's no time!"
He looked up in shock and fear as they heard sounds of Jaffa approaching from behind her. She glanced behind her and then turned back to face him.
They stared at each other for a moment as Sam felt herself pleading silently, `Get out of here, Jack. Leave me.'
Sam could feel the desperation of that moment still inside her heart. She could still see clearly the look of extreme anxiety in his eyes. He couldn't leave her. He wouldn't leave her...
He began to whack the force shield with the pipe fiercely. He hit it again and again. Sam spoke to him urgently, "Sir...!"
Jack interrupted her as he finished hitting the shield with the pipe. His voice cracked slightly under the sudden fear that had gripped him, "I know! I know!"
He dropped the pipe and began pulling at the panel with all his might. He finally prised it open and began to hit inside with the pipe.
Sam could feel tears of terror in her eyes. He had to get out of here or he was going to die... She felt herself saying loudly with absolute urgency, "Sir, just GO!"
"NO!"
The one word was shouted with such ferocity that Sam felt her eyes wanting to release their tears more. He stood on the other side staring at her his eyes wide as if he'd finally realised why he couldn't leave her here.
Sam stared at him pleading with him to leave in that instance, but he continued to stare at her with sad, brown eyes, panting gently. She could see moisture glistening on his cheeks, but whether it was sweat or tears she didn't know.
She was about to whisper, `Please, Jack. Go.', but the moment the words came into her head the Jaffa appeared around the corner...
Suddenly her mind clouded again, but she could hear voices murmuring inaudibly. Her hearing became sharper as she heard a familiar voice breaking through the dense mist...
"Sam?"
`Jack?'
"Sam? You in there? Well, I'll just assume you can hear me. I was wondering if you could wake up soon. You've got everyone real worried."
`Jack! Oh, Jack, I'm here!' She called through the smog.
"Don't be such a dumb ass, O'Neill! She can't hear you!"
`I can hear you, Jack!' She let a small sob go, `I can hear you'.
"Guess what? I really am a Colonel. Teal'c wasn't just making it up. Apparently you're a Major. My Second In Command. I couldn't ask for anyone better. You've got a PHD in Astrophysics. You're a real brain box! Did you know that? I bet you did! Daniel's an archaeologist... well... something like that. He digs up rocks for a living! You know? Of course you do!"
Sam smiled in her mind though her body remained inactive. Even when she couldn't see him, he made her smile! "Your Dad is coming to see you soon. He lives off world. He's a Tok-thingee. You know? Of course you do!"
My dad? He's a Tok'ra...
"Sam, I've got cancer." His voice rang in her ears.
Dad! He was alive and well because of the Tok'ra. She remembered him so vividly now. He was coming to see her. And she couldn't say a thing!
She was brought back to Jack as she heard him. His voice cracked as he spoke, "God I'm sorry, Sam! This is all my fault! Why did you come back? Why!"
`Oh Jack. I should be sorry! It's not your fault! You would've done the same for me, Jack!'
"I can almost hear you now. `You would've done the same for me, Jack'! And you know, you're right. As always! I would go back for you... because I love you, Sam."
`I love you too, Jack. Please! Please say you can hear me!'
"You just hang in there, Sam. You can make it. I know you can."
She felt his lips touch hers as he kissed her gently.
"Sweet dreams, Sam."
`Jack...' Her mind filled with mist as his voice echoed in her mind and she fell deeper into purposelessness.
~~~~~~
Jack woke the next morning to find the Doc stood by his side. She was smiling gently, "Good Morning, Colonel."
Jack wished it was, but Sam was in a coma and he hadn't slept for more than an hour last night between all the restless hours of insomnia. His head ached dully as he sat up in his bed. After his talk with Sam, he'd finally realised that she couldn't hear him. She was beyond his aid. He prayed she was not beyond the Doctor's.
"Colonel? You OK?"
"Don't call me that!" he said a little harsher than he had meant to.
"I'm sorry... Jack, but I think I know why Sam's in a coma and why you guys can't remember anything."
Suddenly Daniel said, "Sam's in a coma? Oh God!" He paused confused, "What's a coma?"
"Danny, she'll tell you later, but will you let the good Doctor finish!"
Jack was sat bolt upright and listened attentively as Daniel slid out of his bed and came to perch on the end of Jack's gurney. Jack could feel Teal'c's presence from behind him obviously he was standing still and silent as usual.
The Doctor began her eyes shifting between them, "Teal'c told me you were dipped into the Fountain of Youth," they all nodded in agreement, "Well, I discovered a new and unique type of bacteria in your blood stream. It appears to have reversed your aging processes, but I think that the liquid was actually designed for use on Jaffa or Goa'ulds."
"Why do you say that?" Daniel asked confused.
"The bacteria are meant to place Goa'ulds or Prim'tas into a deep sleep or hibernation so they are not damaged. The reason your memories are blocked is because instead of the bacteria affecting your non-existent symbiote it is affecting your brain that is except for Teal'c. The reason you have been sleeping instead of Kel'noreem is because your symbiote is dormant. You were behaving like a normal human."
"Can whatever the hell has been done to us, be undone?"
"Yes, Colonel, uh... Jack. Once the bacteria are destroyed you should take a maximum of a week to get back to your original age. The process will be quite painful, but your memories should return during the process..."
"What about Sam?" Jack asked almost hesitantly, "Is there anyway you can get her back to normal?"
"I'm not entirely sure. The reason she is in a coma is because of her memories of Jolinar. The bacteria are confused because she doesn't have a symbiote, but she still does, if you see what I mean..."
"Sam was a Goa'uld!"
"No, Colonel. Sam wasn't a Goa'uld. She was a Tok'ra."
"Indeed. Major Carter was a Tok'ra for a few days, O'Neill," Teal'c said answering Jack's exclamation. It made Jack jump. He'd always found Teal'c had a knack for speaking suddenly and making someone jump.
Dr. Fraiser continued, "She slipped into a coma because of the bacteria won the battle. Teal'c, you said Sam began to remember things?"
"Indeed, Major Carter retrieved a few of her memories."
"I think that's why the bacteria won. Sam breaking into her memories weakened them and the bacteria took over..."
Jack growled, "They don't sound like bacteria to me!"
"In every physical respect they are, but they seem to be... intelligent forms of life."
Daniel and Jack said in unison, "You what?!?"
"You heard me right." She sighed, "I'm sorry. I can kill off the bacteria in all of you, but whether Sam will come out of the coma or not... I have no say over."
Jack groaned as suddenly the claxons broke into the uneasy silence.
"Off World Activation. Repeat. Off World Activation..."
The claxons halted abruptly. Jack felt sick to his stomach suddenly, the upcoming confrontation already fraying his nerves. It was gonna be Sam's dad.
The phone rang as Janet ran into her office to answer it.
"Dr. Fraiser... General... Yes, Sir... Send him up straight away, Sir... No, Sir there's been no change... Alright, Sir."
She put down the phone as Daniel made his way back to his bed, "Jacob's on his way up."
Jack groaned again. He'd have to meet Sam's dad. No, scratch that, he'd already met Sam's dad.
"Doctor, when can we see Sam?" Daniel said quietly.
"After Jacob's seen her and, Daniel, its Janet," She smiled, "Though you guys probably don't remember me!"
"No I don't," Daniel said smiling back, "But I know you're part of the gang!"
To Jack's surprise she chuckled, "Yeah. The Gang... Hey! I know! Would you like to see some photos?"
Jack seemed to like the idea. He couldn't remember what they had looked like before their metamorphosis. He got up from the gurney and nodded. He walked over towards Sam's bed, but couldn't bring himself to walk around the screen.
Janet rushed out the room into her office and brought out a dark blue photo album. She passed it to Daniel as suddenly the doors of the Infirmary burst open and a man skidded in. He was dressed oddly, Tok'ra uniform no doubt, and his eyes were filled with worry. He was balding and had dark brown hair and eyes.
He looked over at them and gasped slightly, "Dr. Jackson? Teal'c? Colonel?" He shook his head from the distraction and turned back to Janet, "Where's Sam?"
Janet pointed to the curtain and Jack watched as the man jogged past him and then behind the partition. Jack followed him as his eyes fell again upon Sam beneath the wires and leads.
"Oh God, No!" Jacob Carter collapsed into the chair beside her bed as he groaned, "Sam? Honey? You in there somewhere, Sammy?" He clasped her hand tightly and turned to Colonel O'Neill or rather the younger version.
He stood by the partition his eyes transfixed on Sam's face. He knew that look. He'd seen it in the depths of Jack's eyes before, but nothing as outright and vivid. It frightened him slightly, as he realised what the look meant. He was a boy again, barely older than 16 and he could love with that capacity...
He spoke to the kid as he began to edge forward, "How old do they reckon she is?"
"We're still the same age, but we've been altered to look and, well be younger, not to mention we don't remember a lot." He cleared his throat as he mumbled quietly, "We guessed fifteen."
"Yeah," he turned back to look at his daughter's face, "That's about right." He glanced at Jack as he came to rest on the other chair at his side. His face was full of worry and it unnerved him, "What actually happened?"
Colonel O'Neill's eyes connected with his momentarily and then he began to stare at his hands as he recounted all he could remember of the mission. From waking up in the cell to running through the gate as they were chased by the Jaffa. He, of course, left out one part of his story. It was private and precious to him and he would be insane to mention it to her dad of all people.
As he finished he saw tears in Jacob's eyes. Now was a good time to leave. He got up and left leaving the man to himself as he rejoined Teal'c and Daniel.
They were both going through the photo album. Daniel's mouth gaped opened, but Teal'c's face was unreadable. He perched down next to them and stared at the photo.
He felt his own jaw drop. Was that really them?
It was an air force photo. One man and a woman stood in blue uniform, while two other men stood in fatigues. The woman was obviously Sam. Her hair was air force short, but still made her look feminine. She was smiling; her teeth even and pearly white, and her eyes sparkled like sunshine on water. She was beautiful! She wore a hat with her uniform that suited her short hair quite well. Her grin seemed to be infectious even when she was in a photograph and Jack could fell his mouth curving into a warm smile.
Behind her and slightly to her left stood Teal'c. His skin was darker than the others and the emblem gilded on his forehead was a bit of a give away! He towered over the rest of them and stood solemn faced. He was muscular and brawny and looked nothing like the kid, who sat silently beside him.
He looked at the other man in the leaf green fatigues. He was smiling and Jack couldn't help, but notice that his glasses were slightly askew. The small figure was obviously Daniel. He looked rather awkward next to all the others in the photo because there was Teal'c tall and brawny, Sam well-shaped and beautiful and then...
As Jack's eyes fell upon the man he uttered a Goa'uld swear word, the only swear word he could remember. He gaped at the man stood next to Sam. He was taller than Daniel, but not as tall as Teal'c. He was quite well built, but not stocky. Under his air force cap, you could see dark greying hair and even darker twinkling eyes. He was grinning. And that grin was unmistakably his own.
"Jack...?" Daniel glanced up at him a look of utter bafflement on his face.
"Yeah, Daniel. It's weird," Jack nodded.
Jack glanced up as Dr. Fraiser approached. She gave him a small smile, "If you want I have the antidote ready. I'm warning you it will be quite painful, but your memories will return. You'll be normal again."
Jack glanced at the veiling curtain and then at Teal'c and Daniel. He turned back to Janet and nodded.
~~~~~~
Three weeks later...
Janet glanced up at her clock as he stepped into the Infirmary. `Right on time as usual', she thought to herself as she watched him give her a small wave. She watched as he walked over to the silent woman slowly.
Janet's prediction that she would go back to the way she was with the antidote had been correct although it had taken her slightly longer than the others, but Sam was still in a coma and it looked as if she would never wake.
Janet sighed sadly as the Colonel sat down in the chair as usual smiling slightly. She could lip-read what he said as he said it every day he was down here.
"Hey Carter. Fancy some company?"
Today she saw the sadness in his face. Today was the day. The day the machines were switched off. Jacob had finally given consent after a month of waiting and hoping that Sam would cling on. Even though there was brain activity, Janet knew that it was almost impossible for Sam to come out of it after so long. He'd be arriving later.
Sam's brother, Mark, was not coming to see her. For a start he couldn't because there was no way they could move her and the SGC was a top-secret facility. Also, he hadn't wanted to because as far as he was concerned she was already dead. Jacob and him had already had another huge fight and without Sam being the peacemaker they were still at each other's throats.
She continued to watch the man in the Infirmary. He stared at his boots and Janet could tell what he was saying to the seemingly oblivious Major.
The door to her office was open a jar and she could hear his voice as it floated through the small gap, "I guess I came here to say... goodbye," the look of shock his face made Janet's heart tug painfully. He gave a small smile, "But we have a few hours, so it's not goodbye just yet."
Janet couldn't bear to listen to the Colonel pouring out his soul. He'd seen enough pain and suffering in his life and he'd already lost more than anyone should loose. Janet thought she might breakdown into tears, but curiosity stopped her from closing the office door and she listened for a few hours as the Colonel talked to her. He talked about everything and nothing for three and a half hours. About how those damn TV producers didn't put `The Simpsons' on the TV enough. About how frustrating it was that he couldn't do anything to help. About how his Hockey team were still on a winning streak. About how much he wanted her to come back to him. About how he'd talked to her plants for her and how they were missing her very much. About how much he loved her...
Janet glanced at her watch as she realised that Jacob would be arriving in 30 minutes and then as she glanced up that Daniel and Teal'c had now walked into the Infirmary.
Daniel looked like he was mourning already and even Teal'c looked unusually sombre. Janet stood up and walked out to them.
The Colonel ignored them as he continued to talk to Sam quietly. Janet could tell that the only thing that would stop his conversation with her would be the moment the machine was switched off.
Janet walked over to Daniel and signalled for them to step outside the Infirmary. She fixed Daniel with a worried gaze. No one really knew about her and Daniel. Even Daniel didn't remember how they'd been before that mission. Janet had to admit she loved him and since about a year ago every time he went off world her stomach would be twisted into a tight knot the size of Texas!
"Daniel, are you alright?"
He looked at her now and whispered, "No, I guess not."
"It will be a significant loss."
Daniel snapped at him, "It's more than a significant loss!" He sighed gently and then murmured, "I'm sorry, Teal'c. I just can't believe it."
Teal'c inclined his head, "I apologise also. You must accept that my use of your language is quite frank."
Daniel just gave him a small smile and turned back to Janet, "How are you?"
Janet stared at the floor and didn't answer. Daniel didn't push for an answer and glanced up at Jack. He was now holding Sam's hand as he spoke and Janet could tell he knew that the final goodbye was advancing.
The claxons signalled Jacob's arrival loudly and Janet noticed the absolute look of despair on Jack's face as he stared at the body lying before him, but he continued talking. Even though she couldn't hear him she knew he was stumbling over the words he spoke.
She strode into the Infirmary and back into her office, as Daniel and Teal'c made their way to the gate room.
She heard Jack mumbling, "Please wake up, Carter. If you don't you're going to die and... I really don't want you to die."
Janet stared down at her papers and then she heard a small blip noise and glanced up at her computer screen.
Something was wrong with Sam's breathing apparatus. The pump was being forced with increased air pressure.
Janet looked up at the Colonel and saw him stood staring at Sam with worry and fear. Janet's eyes immediately moved to the figure. The woman was choking violently. She rushed out of the room. The Colonel looked at her, "Doc, there's something wrong!"
"I know, Colonel, but there's only one explanation for increased air pressure in that tube," she strode over by Sam and pulled the tube from Sam's mouth slowly. She continued to shake with violent coughs, before she began to stop choking and her breathing became shallow, her chest rising and falling by itself.
"Holy... Lazarus!" Janet said as a shocked tear found its way from her eyes. She swivelled around to the Colonel, "And that explanation is that the person is breathing on their own! Keep talking to her!"
He obeyed immediately and grabbed her hand tightly as he said, "Come on, Sam. Wake up! You can do it. Please wake up."
Janet heard a surprised, "What the...?" from behind her and turned to see Daniel, Teal'c, General Hammond and Jacob stood by the door.
Janet's eyes went back to Jack who was stroking Sam's hand in his, "Please, Sam."
He continued to hold her hand tightly staring at her face. They were stood in the Infirmary for what seemed like hours watching Jack murmuring encouragement to Sam.
Suddenly, Sam's eyelids began to twitch silently. Jacob ran to Jack's side as did everyone else, but Jack didn't let go off her hand.
He whispered quietly as everyone held their breath, "Sam?"
As the woman's eyes opened slightly she said, "Jack?" He voice was hoarse as she whispered, "You know... a girl needs her... beauty sleep."
Janet found tears pouring from her eyes as Daniel suddenly whooped for joy and grabbed her in a tight hug planting a kiss on her cheek. The two Generals were laughing with relief as Jack whispered, "You're back... I can't believe you're back!"
Sam fixed him in her eye line and whispered, "It's not time... for goodbye... not yet."
Jack stood up as she continued to watch him. Jacob quickly took Jack's place knelt by her side and kissed her and began to cry slightly as he told her how much he loved her and other things.
Jack continued to move to the back of the group and finally made his way out of the Infirmary a shocked grin on his face.
People who past him looked confused by his expression and all stared at him as he strolled by. Suddenly, he fell to his knees in the middle of the corridor and yelled up at the ceiling, "I owe you one, Big Guy!"
~~~~~~
Jack returned to the Infirmary in the dead of night after Jacob had finally gone to bed. He guessed it was the only way of being able to see Sam as everyone else was always crowding her.
He entered quietly and walked over to the woman's bedside. She was still deathly pale, but she slept peacefully, the sound of her soft breathing relieving him to no end.
He gently stroked her hair as he murmured, "I'm so glad you're OK." He placed a soft kiss on her forehead as he whispered, "I love you, Samantha Carter."
A ghost of a smile appeared on the woman's lips as she continued to sleep. He smiled slightly himself and turned with a jump to find Janet stood feet away from him, one eyebrow raised slightly.
He felt himself blush as he murmured, "Hi Janet. Uh..."
She smiled, "No need to turn into a tomato, Colonel," She spoke seriously, "I think that was extremely cute."
Jack flushed even more as he murmured, "Well, you women are always big on romance."
Janet chuckled softly, "So are you, as it would seem."
"You know me. I just say whatever comes into my head first. I'm too simple to say the right things."
Janet's smile was sincere as she murmured, "You say all the right things, Colonel."
There was a short silence as Fraiser continued to smile at him. Jack noticed the woman hadn't stopped smiling since Sam had spoken softly.
Jack glanced at the sleeping woman in the bed again as he murmured to the doctor, "How is she?"
Janet's smile faded slightly, "She's better, but..." She glanced at the pale and weak woman and then murmured, "Let's talk in my office."
That worried Jack immediately, as the Doc lead him into her office...
~~~~~~
Four Days Later...
Ever since Fraiser's analysis, Jack had been avoiding the Infirmary. He couldn't face Sam. It was so much to digest. She'd never be the same again. She still had her memories, but Doc Fraiser had said she was extremely lucky not to have amnesia or something similar. That was the good news! The bad news was instead of amnesia her bodily defences were literally damaged beyond repair and that she was much more susceptible to viruses and diseases.
The worst part had been when Fraiser had said that in her condition she would never be able to be in SG-1, let alone, work again. With her immune system so degraded she would have what to everyone else would be the common cold, but to her it would be like getting pneumonia. She wouldn't last more than a dozen missions going off world.
The part Jack couldn't digest was the fact she wouldn't be his 2IC anymore, which was good and bad. The Big Guy in the sky had a funny way of putting things. Sam was the best damn 2IC in the world. She was loyal, dependable, brave, and smart, not to mention she could kick Goa'uld arse, but... The Big Guy had made her gorgeous. Oh, he must have had a lot of laughs about them. Jack couldn't help, but feel that God was finding their situation extremely funny, but he was obviously feeling slightly sorry for them now and was giving them a chance.
Jack found that wandering aimlessly around the base was not a good way to ignore Sam. He'd ended up in her lab, as it seemed his feet always led towards her lab unless he was purposefully going some place else.
He looked around and immediately found the part of him he'd been trying to avoid. Part of his heart would always be with her and looking around at her possessions he realised that he needed them. Carter's organised chaos. The endless piles of notes he'd never understand, the computer with the keyboard so worn you could barely see the letters, the box full of CDs and Floppy disks all in alphabetical order (after his tidy up), the mug of cold coffee lying half drunken, all the gadgets and doodads in pieces strewn over the desk, the books on Astrophysics in the old bookcase and the photo frame propped up against the base of the computer. He picked it up. SG-1. His eyes fell on Sam, grinning as she put her arms around his and Teal'c's shoulders, and he realised he needed her...
Before he could stop himself he was striding as fast as he could to the Infirmary. She must think he was an insensitive bastard! He hadn't been to visit her since she'd got the news. What a jerk!
All he could think about was her. Jack realised it had been pretty much the same for years, but now instead of pushing his thoughts aside and denying to himself he'd ever had them, he focussed on them. Images of her he'd not remember yet kept popping up in his brain. Just little things. Something she's said at a certain moment that had made him want to smile, the cute way she frowned when she was trying to concentrate, the way he always put her coffee mug the wrong way round on her desk so that she had to do that funny thing with her wrist when she swivelled the whole mug around...
As he entered the Infirmary everyone who was in there found an excuse to leave immediately. As the last nurse rushed out for some incoherent reason, Jack's eyes fell on the dazzling blue eyes he'd wanted to see for almost a month.
Sam sat in the bed her back propped up by snowy white pillows. She was still incredibly pale, but at least she didn't look like a machine anymore. Her hair was dishevelled and she still had dark rings under her eyes. Jack had to admit she'd looked better.
"Colonel," she said warily as he walked slowly towards her.
"Carter."
"Janet said I was in a coma for almost month..."
"Yeah," Jack said quietly. There was a lengthy awkward pause...
"Sam..."
"Jack..."
They both spoke at the same time and then both laughed self-consciously. Sam signalled for Jack to speak first. He stared at his hands as he mumbled, "Sam, I...," he sighed and looked up from his fidgeting fingers, "Never scare me like that again!"
"I won't," she smiled tenderly and Jack realised he'd missed her smile. How soppy could you get!!! And yet he had. He had missed her warm smile a lot more than he cared to admit.
"Jack?" she asked hesitantly breaking the spell that had fallen over him.
"Yeah."
"I heard." She murmured quietly as her beautiful blue eyes transfixed him where he stood.
Jack looked confused for a second and then sighed. She meant when he'd been speaking to her in the dark days when she'd been in the coma, "I'm ... I'm glad you heard. I was worried. I was worried you couldn't. I was worried..." His voice trailed away as he stared at her.
"I was yelling, but I couldn't speak. I smiled, but I couldn't smile," she whispered quietly, her voice choked with emotion, "I was reaching out for you, but I couldn't move."
She gave a little cough trying to shoot the sadness out of her throat. Jack came and sat in the chair beside her as she coughed again.
Her body quivered with each cough, reminding Jack of how frail she was at the moment. Jack rubbed her back gently as she coughed harder. He could feel her spine sticking out. It was frightening and Jack knew then that Fraiser was right. She wouldn't last off world. There were so many illnesses and strange diseases that would kill her while everyone else would just get a slight stomachache.
When she finished choking, Jack spoke softly, "You OK?"
"No," she gave a small sob.
Jack pulled her into a hug as she cried into his shoulder. He spoke gently and continued to rub her back, "I know how you feel."
"How can you! How can anybody understand!" She moaned quietly, "I can never work again. I'm not aloud to go outside too often! Janet says if I catch flu, I'm more likely to die than a normal person who gets a serious form of cancer!" She began to cry large tears rolling down her pale cheeks, her back shuddering violently, "I can't do anything without putting myself at risk! I'm like a huge sensitive baby! People have to keep an eye on me whatever I do saying things like `Don't smell that flower', `Don't' eat that', `Don't go outside'! I could die tomorrow! I could die today!"
Jack just pulled her closer. He didn't know what to say. Sam was right. No one could even begin to understand. Who knows how many pills and medicines she would have to take everyday of her life for the rest of her life. Who knows whether she'd ever be able to sniff a flower again without going into some form of serious shock. Who knows how anyone could ever comprehend the kind of confinement she'd have to live with for the rest of her life.
Her back stopped shuddering and Jack felt her chin resting on his shoulder. He looked at her. She stared around her, "Janet says I'm being moved to the air force hospital. I'm just a waste of space around here."
"Don't say that, Sam," he cupped her face in his hand, "You never have and never will be a waste of space. You are amazing. You're smart, loyal, friendly, kind, not to mention..." he paused, "...absolutely gorgeous!"
She smiled quietly, "Really?"
"Would I say something soppy otherwise?" She gave a small laugh, as Jack continued, "If you go there I'll visit everyday. Even if I'm meant to be here! If I can't come I'll send Daniel to bug you. I'm sure Teal'c will be there almost 24/7, you know what he's like when it comes to his friends."
"No, actually," Sam grinned, "Can't remember anyway!"
"Don't worry. I'm still remembering as I go."
She nodded. Her head rested on his chest as she stared into his eyes, "Thank you."
"What for? I'm just doing Daniel's job while he's... translating or cataloguing.... whatever he does when he's not in here clucking over you."
Sam chuckled gently, "No. Thank you... for loving me."
Jack looked surprised. She was grinning. He knew she was right. She knew she was right. Jack smiled, "I should be thanking you for letting me love you," she shook her head gently still smiling as he whispered, "And I do, Sam. I really do."
She smiled happily and rubbed her cheek on his shoulder, "I love you too." She yawned slightly and Jack fluffed up her pillows as she rested back down.
"I better get some sleep," she yawned, "Janet will kill me if I don't!"
"Sweet dreams, Sam."
She clasped his hand gently as she closed her eyes, "Night Jack." She opened them again suddenly and stared at him, "When I leave the air force..."
"You're coming fishing! No, buts!
Sam gave a small smile, "I'll take a rain check."
"For once in my life, I'm being serious, Sam. Once you're well enough to come home I was kinda hoping you'd come... stay with me for a while."
"Yeah I'd like that," she closed her eyes, "But I'm not sure about Minnesota. Too much outside for me to handle," she said gloomily.
"Even if I have to put the whole damn state in a force shield, you're coming to Minnesota!"
Sam smiled her eyes still closed; "You'd do that for me?"
"Sure! Why not?"
"I'm warning you. Janet has hearing as good as a dog. Don't speak too loud. She might hold you up to the force shield idea!"
"Why?" Jack asked confused.
Sam kept her eyes closed as she yawned, "Because I've wanted to come to your cabin for so long and Janet knows that," She yawned again, "Whatever drugs she's pumping into me they're working! I can barely stay awake!"
"Then don't," Jack murmured, "Go to sleep."
"Good logic..." Her voice faded away as she drifted off.
~~~~~~
Eight months later...
"It's more beautiful than I ever imagined!"
Jack smiled and opened his door. His foot made a crunching sound as he stepped on the snow that covered his drive.
He lifted the crutches out of the back and opened her door. She unfastened her seat belt as he helped her out of the passenger's seat. She slid her hands through the cool, plastic rings of the crutches and leant on them heavily.
She looked around. The fir trees were covered with the snow as was the cabin. It reminded Sam of a Christmas postcard!
She'd only been released seven months ago after the long month she'd spent in the hospital. After another month of being pushed around in a wheelchair she'd made Janet give her crutches. They were much easier to use and eased the pain in her legs. Though at first she'd found using them difficult after six months of using them she was a pro.
Her body was still not working properly. Her arms and legs were weak and she found it hard to stand without the crutches. In fact, it was almost impossible. It made her miserable.
One thing kept her trying. Jack. He was always there smiling and encouraging. He'd spent almost the whole time she'd been recuperating trying to convince Janet to let her come to Minnesota with him. Janet had finally caved, but only for Christmas.
The ebbing light of the cold, December day cast a fresh light over the forest landscape and made the snow glisten and the icicles that hung from the cabin roof sparkle.
She smiled slightly as Jack waved his hand in front of her eyes. She looked at him. He was grinning, "Don't need you drifting off, Sam! I'd have to carry you inside!"
She nodded as he locked the truck and then without warning lifted her up, "What the heck? I'll carry you in anyway." Sam let out a surprised shriek of laughter and realised it had been the first time she'd laughed properly in a while. He'd noticed as well and the look of joy on his face was almost indescribable. They stepped inside and Jack placed Sam down on a couch.
She collapsed and stretched her legs out. They cramped so easily, that they usually ached after car journeys. She looked around her. It was wonderful and just as Sam imagined it. Pictures of Earth and stars on the walls, a telescope propped by the window, a few pictures of SG-1, a comfy couch and an armchair, an open chimney, chess board that had been left half-way through a game and in the corner she noticed a fishing rod.
Jack came back from where she assumed was the kitchen with two beers. Sam smiled as he gave her one. She took a swig, as he collapsed on the couch beside her.
"Welcome to Jack's Cabin!"
Sam grinned, "It's great! I'm so glad you convinced Janet to let me come! I would never have forgiven her if she hadn't."
Jack smiled obviously pleased with himself, "Hey! Don't give me too much credit! You know what Danny's like when he gets hung up on an idea!"
Sam gave a small laugh, "Oh Janet's probably regretting ever saying `Yes'!"
"Yeah, well so would I if I realised my name was gonna become Janet Jackson!"
Sam laughed. Daniel had proposed to Janet a month ago and still Jack seemed to slip in that quip whenever he could!
She stared at him. It would be Christmas Day tomorrow. She'd had the best Christmas present ever in November!
And at this present time it glittered on her finger. She looked down at the engagement ring and found her lips curving into a smile. Jack and Daniel had had a pact. An `if-you-propose-then-I-will' pact. Janet and Daniel were getting married in the summer, but Sam had wanted to get married sooner. She would be Mrs. O'Neill in a month! The thought made her smile even wider.
She then noticed Jack was grinning as well. He was just watching her quietly.
"What?" she smiled.
"I'm just glad you're smiling and laughing again. It feels like forever since I last heard you laugh," he spoke sincerely, a ghost of a smile on his lips.
Sam snorted although there was a small pain in her deep blue eyes, "Yeah I'm usually a miserable invalid, aren't I?"
Jack shook his head and looked at her seriously, "You're not an invalid, Sam."
"How do you work that one out?" Sam said wretchedly.
Jack's eyebrow rose as his face became a quirky expression, "Can invalids be that good in the bedroom?!?"
"Jack!"
"What? I'm your fianc! I'm allowed to say stuff like that!"
She shook her head fondly and got up slipping her hands into her crutches, "Can I call Janet? I wanna thank her again."
"Sure," Jack smiled again, "I'll go see what provisions there are. You hungry?"
"Yeah."
"I'll start making supper then," he got up from the chair and walked into the kitchen. Sam checked he was busy. He turned on the radio and began searching the cupboards. She grabbed the phone and sat as far away from the kitchen as she could.
She dialled Janet's number. She listened to it ring until the ringing stopped abruptly and a familiar voice said, "Hello? Janet Fraiser speaking."
"Janet, Hi!"
Janet gasped happily, "Sam! How are you? Are you calling from the cabin?"
Sam grinned, "Yes. Oh Jan! It's fantastic. It's so beautiful up here. We're gonna have a great Christmas."
"I don't doubt that..." Janet paused awkwardly, "Are you phoning about...?"
"Yeah," she said in a hushed voice, "It's about what we discussed."
"The abortion? Are you gonna...?"
"No," Sam checked the kitchen door, "But I'm worried. What if... because I'm so ill..."
"Sam, I honestly don't think anything bad will happen to the baby."
"I just... don't want to get his hopes up and then..."
"Sam," Janet spoke softly, "The worse that will happen is that you might have to have caesarean, but other than that the baby is perfectly healthy. I'm assuming you haven't told him."
"Christmas present," Sam said quietly.
Janet sounded slightly doubting, "Sam, you should tell him. Have you got the ultrasound?"
"Yeah," Sam smiled slightly, "He'll love it..."
"He'll love what?" Jack said as he came into the room.
Sam moved into defensive mode, "Me and Janet were just discussing what she got Daniel for Christmas."
Jack gave her a small smile although she could see the slight disbelief in his eyes at her excuse, "Oh, let me guess. It's really old and needs translating..."
"Close enough," Sam said gently.
Jack spoke again, "I was just wondering if you wanted pizza or pasta. We have both."
"Pasta would be great," Sam said as Jack went back into the kitchen.
"That was close," Janet said. She went back to the original subject, "You should tell him. Besides you won't be able to hide it forever. You shouldn't underestimate him. He's noticed the fact you now wear really baggy clothes and the fact you won't get into bed with him anymore. Jack's worried about you. Apparently, he asked Daniel if you'd been acting weird lately. Daniel, being Daniel spoke a little too guiltily when he said he hadn't noticed anything abnormal about you and ever since Jack's been more edgy than usual around him. Daniel's keeping the secret, but Jack's bound to realise some time, Sam."
"Yeah. Thanks Janet. I'll tell him."
"OK. Merry Christmas, Sam."
"Merry Christmas."
~~~~~~
Jack watched Sam worriedly. She hadn't spoken to him, since she'd made that phone call. She was avoiding him and Jack had no idea why. And that worried him. For once he had no idea what he'd done wrong!
Jack looked up at her, "Look, whatever I've done, I'm sorry! Just stop giving me the silent treatment!"
She looked at him a small, sad smile creeping onto her face, "It's not you. Don't worry. I'm not mad with you..."
"Then what?" Jack sighed frustrated, "Sam, you've been acting really weird lately." She looked at him in surprise as he continued, "In fact, you've been acting strange for about two months. Why? What have I done?"
"Nothing," Sam whispered sadly.
"Then what in God's name is up with you? I'm worried sick. You hardly let me within a foot of you anymore. Is it you've stopped loving me? Did you even love me in the first place?"
"Of course I love you," she said sincerely as he stared at her.
"Then what's wrong?"
"I-I can't tell you..."
He spoke slightly angrily, "Jesus, Sam! It's me. Jack. Your fianc. You know. The guy who's going to marry you because he loves you. If you can't tell me, the guy who'd do anything for you, then who the hell can you tell?"
Sam felt like she was about to cry. They sat staring into each other's eyes for a few minutes until her eyes dropped to her plate and she whispered, "I'm sorry, Jack."
He got up from the table, "I'm going for a drive."
He grabbed his jacket and his cell phone and shut the door behind him. She heard the truck pull out of the drive and began to cry, "I'm sorry..."
~~~~~~
Sam hadn't slept a wink, but she'd heard him come in. It was early in the morning, about 1am. He'd gone into the spare room.
It was technically Christmas Day now and Sam got up. She grabbed her crutches and quietly walked into the spare room. Jack was asleep in the single bed. She stood in silence and watched the man. She could always tell when Jack wasn't sleeping well. He was curled up in a ball beneath the duvet his arms clutched around his chest. Her heart was in physical pain as she watched him. She felt so sorry for him. Yet another man she seemed to have hurt badly during her lifetime.
Sam grabbed the stocking she'd bought for him. It was one of those SG-1 traditions. Usually they all spent Christmas at someone's house and in the morning everyone's stocking would be filled with presents from their friends. Sam slid the picture into the stocking with a note and slipped it on the end of his bed.
She watched him for another second before she turned and left, hobbling back to her room. She almost dropped her crutches and collapsed on the cold bed. She shivered feeling extremely lonely and crawled beneath the covers pulling them close around her. She wrapped her chilled body into a tight ball and pulled her head beneath the covers as she cried herself to sleep.
~~~~~~
Sam opened her eyes slowly and then closed them remembering what had happened the night before. This was the one Christmas that she never wanted to get up for, except perhaps that year she'd had that awful hangover.
She crawled out of bed and grabbed her crutches. She hobbled over to the window and pulled back the curtain. It was still early and the sun hadn't risen over the mountains yet. A sprinkling of snow continued to fall from the heavens and dust the already blanketed landscape.
"What a beautiful day to fuck up you life!" Sam muttered to herself angrily. She wouldn't be surprised if he left her after the way she'd been treating him. She sighed softly. Well, she'd have to face him at some point.
She gently pushed open the door and move a silently as she could towards the spare room. She gave a small gasp as her eyes fell on the living room. The place was decorated with tinsel and a sparkling Christmas tree, laden with softly twinkling white lights and a tiny angel Charlie had made when he was six, sat proudly atop. All their presents had been placed beneath the spindly branches and the fire was crackling and flickering in the fireplace.
She knew the way Jack's mind worked and knew he must have felt guilty after having a go at her and so when he'd returned home, undoubtedly drunk, he'd just collapsed on the single bed and dozed straight off. When he'd woken alone, Sam guessed he'd realised what he'd said and decided to make it up to her as best he could.
She gave a small sigh barely audible as she realised how much she loved him. It hurt to know that he thought this was all his fault. He had a tendency to blame everything on himself. Probably thinking he hadn't loved her enough or hadn't looked after her enough. He'd always given her the space she needed to get used to her `new' body. Now he probably thought he hadn't smothered her enough...
She continued to shuffle silently to Jack's room feeling her heart aching and just wanting for him to hold her again. The door was open a crack, so she peered through the small gap as she stood outside the room.
Jack was sat on the end of the bed, head in hands. He was muttering to himself, "That's two now, O'Neill. Two women you've cared about more than any other and they despise you." He sighed, "Ah crap! Why am I such a dumb ass...?" He suddenly looked up and saw the stocking. He grimaced proving to her that either he'd forgotten or he was already feeling guilty enough without her giving him the traditional stocking. She watched as he lifted up the stocking and the picture and note fell, face down onto the duvet.
He frowned slightly and picked up the note. He turned it over and began to read, "Jack, I'm sorry about the past few weeks. I never meant to make you unhappy and I love you. I hope you'll forgive me for being so stupid and understand why I was acting so weird. Merry Christmas, Love Sam." He closed his eyes sadly and murmured, "Oh God. What have I done?"
She held her breath as he opened his eyes again and looked straight down at the photo lying face down. He reached for it, lifted it up slowly and turned it over...
He froze. He sat there staring at the picture. His eyes wide and his jaw slackened into a fish-like expression and Sam had the feeling if he'd been standing, he would have keeled over.
After what felt like hours of silence, he spoke in absolute shock, "Oh my God..."
Sam decided to face the music and gently pushed the door open, stepping inside with as little noise as possible.
It was only when her crutch collided with the doorframe that Jack looked up from the picture and saw her. She looked quite a mess. Her eyes had red marks under them and they were bloodshot. Her hair was sticking up all over the place and her lip was trembling. She was on the brink of tears as she whispered, "I'm sorry..."
Jack just sat there staring at her in surprise and shock, "Why didn't you tell me?"
Sam stared at her crutches as tears welled to a dangerous level in her eyes, "I was worried. That... because I'm this way... the baby would be hurt... I was considering abortion..."
"Why?" Jack whispered.
"I was worried that the baby could die... I couldn't cope. You'd be so devastated," her words came out in a shaky sob, "I thought... you'd hate me."
Jack stepped towards her until he was right in front of her, "Oh, Sam." Tears rolled down her cheeks as he tilted her chin up so she stared into his eyes, "No matter what, I could never hate you." He lifted up her hand and pointed to the engagement ring glinting on her finger, "Through think and thin, through sickness and health, through glad times, sad times and all those times you become so pissed with me that I have all manner of electrical appliances flying towards my head..." Sam gave a relieved smile as he whispered, "I will still love you. Always."
She gave a relieved sob, as he pulled her into a tight hug, holding her close. She spoke her voice a frightened whisper, "I was so scared..."
He could feel the lump of their unborn child pressed against his own stomach and realised she'd been hiding it from him all this time. He pulled back and pulled a face, "Now, how did I miss that?" Sam gave a tearful laugh and he pulled her back into a tight hug, "Now I understand why you wanted to get married so soon and then wouldn't even let me hug you."
"It's bad enough I'll be a miserable, sickly, invalid bride, let alone a fat, miserable, sickly, invalid bride!"
Jack fixed her with another serious glance, "But you're none of those things, Sam. The only part that you will ever be is the bride part," Jack grinned, "And well, you might get a little plump..." She gave him a glare as he let out a small chuckle, "God, when you weren't talking to me I was worried you hated me or that you were having an affair..."
Sam snorted, "Me?"
Jack gave a small smile, "That's the problem with falling in love with the most beautiful woman in the world," he shook his head, "Guys kill to even have you smiling at them!"
She felt herself smile, but then it disappeared and she looked down at the icy metal of the crutches, "They used to, Jack. Once, they did. Now, all they are doing is watching me with pity."
Jack smiled sadly as he whispered, "Guess that rules out competition! I was beginning to worry that... well, you and Daniel...!"
"Daniel!?!" Sam snorted again at her fianc's confessions.
Jack spoke embarrassed lowering his gaze, "Well, when I asked him if he'd noticed you acting peculiar and he went `No. Of course not. How should I know?' He spoke so guiltily I thought...
"Daniel's already taken anyway!"
"I know, but Daniel's `I'm-going-to-act-like-I-have-a-guilty-conscience-even-though-I'm-only-covering-for-a-friend' routine was very worrying!" Sam didn't laugh or smile and Jack suddenly felt worried again. He spoke anxiously, "Sam?"
She looked up at him and then down at her crutches, "I'm glad I have someone who loves me, the way I am."
"I can't believe I'm the only one, Sam," Jack felt slight relief, but he was still worried. He sighed as they stood in silence for a long time. He then said with a smile, "Cheer up. It's Christmas. That means we have at least 48hrs to eat as much crap as we want. We'll eat first and then I think its time we got to work on that pile of loot sat beneath the tree," Sam chuckled softly as he smiled back at her, "So, pancakes or waffles?"
Sam glanced up at him and murmured, "Waffles sound great." Jack saw a playful grin cross her lips, "What's for dessert?"
Jack was seriously taken aback and he gave a small laugh, "As tempting as it may be after what feels likes years, remember what Fraiser said in your last examination. You've got to eat and I noticed you didn't eat much yesterday."
She glared at him, "Geez! You sound like my Dad!"
Jack pulled into a grimace, "Really?"
"Uh huh," Sam said a small smile on her lips.
Jack sighed, "Well, then I guess I'll have to change that," with a playful grin of his own, he lifted her up into his arms. She gave a surprised giggle. He spoke, "You know you're right. You have put on a few pounds!"
"Jack!"
"Right, as I definitely DON'T want to sound like your Dad, looks like dessert first!"
Sam kissed him gently, "Now that's more like it!"
~~~~~~
Part Three
Four years later...
Jack sat in the hospital waiting room. He glanced down at the snoozing three-year-old boy bundled up in his arms. His blonde hair was short and flopped over his head. His little body was curled up with his dirty-grey Teddy Bear, in a tight ball like a hedgehog when it senses danger.
Little did he know, or so Jack hoped. They'd been `living' in the hospital for over a week and for the past two days the little boy's nightmares had gotten worse. Jack knew why, although he didn't even want to think about the events of that day...
The little boy gave another small kick and his tiny sneaker hit Jack's arm for about the fifth time in five minutes.
Gently, Jack unlaced the sneakers and removed them from his son's feet. He then wrapped his arms back around his little boy. Jack noticed the child was shivering gently in his sleep. Jack immediately removed his jacket and wrapped it around the tiny boy like a blanket. Jack knew he was shaking as well, but he didn't care if he was cold or in shock.
A familiar face came out from the door down the hall. Jack looked up at the woman expectantly. She walked down the corridor and Jack could tell by the way her eyes shimmered more than usual, the way she walked and her tight, sad expression that it was worse.
She came and sat next to him on the chairs and stared down at the toddler. She sighed gently as she murmured, "How's Ryan doing?"
Jack stared down at the child sleeping peacefully, "I don't think he knows what's happening, well, not fully anyway, but he's a smart kid."
Janet just nodded quietly before saying, "Daniel and Cassie are picking Teal'c up and they'll be here as soon as they can."
Jack just nodded slowly before he whispered, "It's bad, isn't it?"
Janet nodded, "Yes."
"What is it?"
Janet sighed, "My guess is after... Tuesday she caught something. It could be anything. We're analysing a blood sample, but by the time we get it..."
Jack held up a hand not wanting to know any more. He fixed Janet with a look that said, `I don't want to hear that she's going to die. I already know that.' He had known it for months. Since Sam became 5 months pregnant she could barely move. She was OK, still a smiling and laughing ray of sunshine in days of shadow, but she was weak. She still hobbled around the house, using her crutches for the first time in 2 years. She had been weak, but now...
Janet just nodded slightly in answer to his look and then stared down at her hands lying in her lap, as if any conversation they had would all inevitably lead to that one thing that was unspeakable.
They sat in silence for a few minutes as Jack absentmindedly rocked Ryan gently. He began to hum that tune softly. Janet watched them tenderly and feeling the same loss they did. Sam had always sung that to the little boy to get him off to sleep:
Twinkle, Twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are? Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle, Twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are?
Janet could still hear Sam's voice singing that softly inside her memory as she'd gently rocked her little boy. Janet had watched her silently as the woman had smiled at the tiny, almost bald baby. He'd been a reasonable size considering and was, like any baby, rather on the podgy side. Sam had sung so quietly to her beautiful son that it was barely above a whisper, as she had lied in the hospital bed three years ago.
She could still hear Sam's voice as she said with a tearful smile, "Do you want to hold him? I think now would be the best time, otherwise Jack will come back and hog him all for himself!"
"I think you're in for competition, Sam. He loves Ryan more than you!"
Sam laughed brightly as Janet stepped closer and sat in the chair by Sam's side. The blonde woman gently placed the beautiful baby into her arms. She rocked him gently as she looked up at Sam. The glowing mother leant over slightly and stroked the baby's soft cheek, "Ryan, this is your Aunty Janet."
Janet felt tears in her eyes. Sam took the baby from Janet's arm with so much care and delicacy it was hard to believe that the same hands that lifted the young boy were the ones that had held a MP-5 only a year and a few months previously. The love in the woman's eyes was indescribable as she held her tiny child in her arms...
The images were painful and Janet immediately hid them away in a small space concealed in the back of her memory. Somewhere she would delve only when it was the appropriate time to cry.
Another image popped into her head. One that was still so fresh Janet had to use all her willpower not to cry in front of Jack. That image of the tiny little girl lying on the towels was enough to make Janet close her eyes from the surreal pain she felt.
She wasn't screaming and wailing like normal babies. Sam was already out cold and had taken a turn for the worst and her daughter was lying silent and unmoving. Janet glanced up at Jack sat next to Sam, clutching his wife's hand and staring at the baby, his jaw clenched desolately. She could see by the way he stared at his daughter's tiny, perfect face that he knew that his little girl would never draw breath. She could tell by the way he stared at Sam's pale and sickly face that he knew her days on this Earth were numbered...
Through sheer will alone, Janet banished the memory from her mind. She glanced at her watch and almost gasped. Two days ago at this moment she'd called the time of death of the baby girl. Tuesday 5th March 7:09pm.
She glanced at the man beside her. His face was worn and tired. She knew he hadn't slept since Sam had been admitted to hospital a week ago and maybe not properly for many months before that. She'd been having serious pains and had been brought to hospital. Janet had known then that something was about to go horribly wrong.
She saw him stare down at his little boy who clung to that adorable Teddy he took with him everywhere. Janet could see the pain in Jack's eyes as he gave a tiny smile and gently stroked the little boy's flaxen hair as he murmured, "Still twinkling."
Janet's heart clenched. Sam used to say that... used to? She wasn't even gone and Janet was already referring to her as if she had.
"Still twinkling, my little star?"
Sam always used to say that. She'd didn't get through a day without saying that to her little boy. Janet knew how much the boy meant to her. He and Jack were her everything...
Janet wished upon every star in the galaxy that Sam would get through this, but she knew that chances were every star had been wasted by spoilt children wishing for a pony or a new computer game.
As a door swung at the other end of corridor, Janet glanced up to see Daniel, Teal'c and Cassie come into the waiting room. When they noticed Jack they all stopped dead before continuing to walk towards him cautiously.
Janet stood up to greet her family. Daniel kissed her tenderly and then whispered in her ear, "How's Sam?"
When Janet glanced back up at him, he saw the sorrow in his eyes and knew not to pursue the matter. He immediately glanced down at Jack and felt the anxiety in his heart blazing like a forest fire. The man sat rocking backwards and forwards slowly, clutching his son to his chest. Automatically, Daniel slid his arm around Cassie's shoulders and pulled her into a small one-arm hug comfortingly. Daniel never wanted to know what it was to lose your child. Jack had lost two now...
They walked over cautiously as Jack just glanced up at them and then back at his young son. Daniel didn't miss the misery in his sad eyes as he stared at the stirring child.
Ryan opened his large brown eyes and yawned as he rubbed his eyes with a balled fist, holding his Teddy under the other arm. After a few seconds tears came to the child's eyes, until they were red and he began to cry. He looked up at Jack and then threw his small arms around his Dad, his bear falling to the floor. Jack clung to his son as the little boy began to sob. Jack just rubbed his back and stroked his hair lovingly as the boy began to cry his little sister's name.
"Meggy..."
Jack just whispered, "I know, Ryan. I know."
Megan O'Neill. The name of his baby girl. Sam had chosen it, as it had been her mother's name. Somehow she'd known the child would be a girl. He remembered how excited she had been when she'd found out she was pregnant again...
That memory faded as Jack's mind went back to Megan. He could still see that frail, blood-smeared body lying on the towels. She'd been a month premature and was so tiny that if Jack cupped his hand together she would've fitted in his hands. Janet and the nurses had tried to revive her, but Jack had known the moment Megan appeared that she'd never take her first breath. And it had hurt him so badly. A strange surreal pain that couldn't be put into words and could only be described with images. Images that filled his mind and relentlessly refused him sleep or any time to relax from the anguish of his heart and the worry in his mind.
He'd then looked at Sam and then feeling had become so strong that he had given in to a few tears. She was so pale and sickly looking. She'd been unconscious for quite a while and as Jack had stared at her he'd known. She was dying and there was nothing that could be done to prevent it.
At first, he'd had an argument with one of the Doctors as the man had told him that Sam would be dead by the end of the week. Jack prayed every day that it wouldn't be that day. That she wouldn't die. She couldn't die. Their friends needed her. Ryan needed her. He needed her. He couldn't live without her.
He continued to hold his little boy tightly. When the boy pulled back his face was red from crying and tears continued to drip down his chubby cheeks, he realised he had to live without her. This time there would be no miracle resurrection. When she died she would truly be gone. And how he'd manage he had no idea. In fact, his mind was so grounded on the present, on every agony that ripped his heart from its restraints and smashed it, still beating, against cold rock, that Jack couldn't even imagine the future. He didn't want to.
Ryan's nose was running slightly and before Jack even asked Teal'c gave him a tissue, before scooping the worn Teddy from the floor and handing it to the toddler. Jack took the tissue gratefully and murmured, "Blow." The little boy blew his nose as Jack held the tissue.
When Ryan looked up again he looked at Jack in confusion and then looked at the others equally puzzled. He scanned all their faces and then looked back at Jack.
"Daddy," he murmured, "Where's Mommy?"
Janet closed her eyes at the words as Cassie bit her lip and Daniel just gave a small sigh. Teal'c looked down at the floor almost sadly. Jack's usually strong voice faltered slightly as he murmured, "Mommy's not very well at the moment. She's being made better by the Doctors and Nurses."
Ryan just nodded slightly and then stuck his thumb in his mouth, his bear trapped in the crook of his elbow, and leant his head back on his Dad's chest.
Suddenly a beeping came from beside him. Jack glanced up at Janet who blushed and apologised as she glanced at her beeper. She gave a small gasp and then stood up quickly, "She's awake."
Jack was up in a second. He looked at Daniel and said, "Look after Ryan." Daniel just nodded as Jack passed him to Daniel who sat down with the bewildered little boy on his knee. Cassie sat beside him as Jack, Janet and Teal'c sped off in the direction of Sam's room.
~~~~~~
As Sam opened her eyes blearily memories came gushing into her mind as light filled her head. Finally the blur disappeared and Sam glanced around the hospital and felt a sob catch in her throat as she realised.
Megan...
She stared around looking for a cot, but there was none. Panic rose in her throat as the pain returned. Her baby. Her little girl. Where was she? Sam suddenly realised what the pain had been. She realised why Janet's face had been so grave seconds before she lost consciousness. Her little girl was dead...
Sam finally noticed the nurse sat across the room from her. She hurriedly grabbed her beeper and sent a message swiftly, as she stared at Sam in shock. Sam tried to move, but she was so weak she couldn't. She could tell from the heart beat monitor that beeped out her pulse that it was slow. She felt so drained and feeble that it sickened her. Misery consumed her in the silence as she closed her eyes and wished it wasn't true.
Within a minute the door opened and from her totally horizontal position, Sam glanced up at the three people who entered.
Jack immediately ran to her bedside. She tried to say his name, but it came out as a breathless whisper, "Jack, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Jack didn't reply and instead just pulled her into a fierce hug. Sam finally felt hot tears prickling in her eyes, as painful as thorns, as she tried and failed at holding them back. She felt physically drained and so numb that she could already be dead as far as she was concerned. She tried in vain to lift her arms to pull around the man in an equal agony to her, but she was so feeble they barely left the covers before falling back down. The only thing she could feel were those salty and desolate tears that streamed from her eyes as she shuddered from a released whine.
Jack just held her tightly to him as he felt his own pain needing a release, but he refused to cry. He wasn't going to cry in front of the Doc and Teal'c and definitely not Sam. She probably felt like it was all her fault already and didn't need him to burst into tears.
So instead he just whispered to her gently and stroked her back gently as she sobbed out her pain. Between pain-filled cries Jack could hear her murmur again and again, "I'm sorry Jack. I'm sorry. Please forgive me."
Jack's voice cracked with unshed tears as he kept replying, "It's not your fault. There's nothing to forgive."
Janet and Teal'c just stood and watched the scene of suffering for a moment before Janet pulled Teal'c out of the room.
They stood outside the door and Janet could still hear Sam's wounded cries. She felt tears of her own rise to her eyes. Why them? Why did that have to happen to them? They were heroes. They'd saved the world a countless number of times. They'd already seen enough pain and death and yet they were still made to suffer. They didn't deserve the misery they were experiencing. No one deserved that.
Teal'c spoke, "Are you in need of a cloth with which to dry the moisture from your eyes?"
Janet just nodded as the Jaffa passed her a tissue. She gave a watery smile and then a shaky sigh, "He doesn't even cry!"
"I believe Colonel O'Neill will not shed tears before his wife to spare her feelings, however in desire of such a release he may be. He is feigning strength for her sake. He is an exceedingly brave man."
Janet just nodded, "He'll probably shed them in private with a bottle of beer, if I know the Colonel." Teal'c just inclined his head in agreement and they waited in silence for Sam to finish weeping.
~~~~~~
Almost 45 minutes later when the sobs from within the room had seemed to die down for long enough to be safe in saying they wouldn't return for a while, Janet decided it was safe to enter. She gave a soft knock on the door and heard a quiet voice from inside, "Come in, Doc."
As she walked in she saw Sam, the red marks beneath her eyes were in stark contrast to her almost translucent skin. She was now slightly propped up by her pillows. Janet realised again how weak and vulnerable she looked as she lay beneath the hospital blankets. She was sat in absolute silence except for the odd sniffle.
Jack was sat beside her in a chair and watched as they entered. Janet noticed something was odd about him and didn't realise what until her eyes met his hands. They were completely still. The only time she'd never seen his hands fidgeting was when he was unconscious, but now his hands were immobile.
Sam broke the silence. Her voice was quiet, as if she didn't even have enough energy to speak, "Where's Ryan?"
Jack answered her, "In the Waiting Room with Daniel and Cassie."
Sam looked up at Teal'c and didn't even have to ask. The Jaffa inclined his head and exited the room. Janet perched on the end of the other bed in the room.
Sam again beat her to speaking, "I know, Janet," Janet looked surprised as Sam whispered, "The moment I woke up and couldn't even move, I knew. You don't need to give me a speech about it." Janet frowned looking confused as Sam fixed her with a fearless look, "I'm going to die."
Jack almost fell out of his seat in shock as she said the words. He grabbed her hand and shook his head, as if denying to himself as much as to her. Sam spoke again before he could speak, "Don't deny it and don't worry. I won't say anything in front of Ryan, but I know."
The absolute agony in the Colonel's eyes was more than visible at his wife's blunt words.
Teal'c returned with Ryan in his arms, "I have retrieved your son from the guardianship of Daniel Jackson."
When the little boy saw Sam he cried, "Mommy!"
A smile came to Sam's lips as Teal'c placed the little boy on her lap. He held her as she just kissed his head and let a few tears fall. With all the strength she could muster, she managed to lift one hand and weakly held her little boy.
The toddler sat snuggled close to Sam as she sniffed, "Jack, could you wipe my eyes please?"
Jack grabbed a tissue from the box on the side and gently wiped Sam's pale cheek. She smiled very slightly as he placed a soft kiss on her cheek and stroked a curl of golden hair from her eyes. He tried to return a smile, but it was equally false.
Ryan stared at her with a huge grin on his lips. He then hugged her again, nuzzling his head into her neck, as Sam felt a soft smile of her own pulling at her cheeks.
"Still twinkling, my little star?" She placed her lips into his soft hair and inhaled the smell of her son. Her baby. She spoke in a whisper, "I love you so much. I love you with all my heart."
"Love you, Mommy," the boy mumbled into her chest.
After minutes of just lying there with her little boy, she looked up at her husband. He sat smiling sadly, his eyes glistening slightly as he stared at them.
She tried to give him a reassuring smile, but it didn't work. He just stared at her, agony vivid in his eyes. Sam was about to speak when the phone began ringing.
Janet picked it up and said, "Hello. Dr. Jackson speaking... Right... Send them straight here..."
She put the phone down and looked at Sam, "Jacob and Mark are here."
Sam smiled slightly as she whispered, "I'm glad."
Daniel, Cassie, Jacob and Mark rushed into the room a few seconds later. Sam felt her tears begin to water as she murmured, "Jack take Ryan."
Jack scooped his son into his arms as Jacob rushed to her side kissing her softly as he murmured, "I'm here, Baby. Your Dad's here."
"Dad," Sam said through mounting tears as he clung to her for a second before pulling back and allowing Mark to take his place.
Her brother clung to her equally tightly for a moment before pulling back, everyone witnessing the glistening patches around his eyes as he murmured, "How are you?"
Sam stared at him with large tear filled eyes as she whispered, "I'm not good."
He just nodded shell-shocked, "My girls said `Hi'."
Sam nodded tearfully, "I didn't want them to have to see me like this."
Jacob crouched by her side holding her hand as he fought back his own tears. He kissed her again and hugged her to his chest as he whispered, "My little girl."
Sam felt herself let out a shaky sigh as she murmured, "I'm sorry, Dad."
"Oh honey! You have nothing to be sorry about!"
She pulled back, "I have lots of things to be sorry about."
Her Dad shook his head with a small smile, "No. No you don't."
He hugged her tightly again as she whispered, "I love you Dad."
After a heart-breaking pause the man let out a soft sob, "I love you too, Sweetheart."
He rocked her slightly in his arms for a few seconds before he pulled back, turning to Jack who stood behind him holding his son's hand. Ryan looked worried and confused, but smiled at Jacob and said with his youthful lisp, "Grandpa!"
The man clasped the child's hand and began to talk to the young boy. As he passed Jack, he sniffed and murmured, "I'll keep him preoccupied for a while."
Jack nodded with gratitude, as he managed to murmur, "Thanks Jacob."
The man smiled slightly and murmured, "How many times, Jack? Just call me Dad."
Jack nodded shell-shocked and turned to stare at his wife as she began to say her goodbyes. Jack felt tears welling and let his breath out in a shuddery sigh. It was then he realised Jacob was still stood beside him staring at him. He looked at Jacob in slight confusion as if he was asking why the man's anxious gaze was directed at him.
The nurse sat by the wall spoke, "Would you like me to take him to the Children's area?"
Jacob nodded gently, "Thanks. I'll be there in a minute."
Jack pulled the back of his hand across his tired eyes as he said, "Jacob?"
The man stared at him, his eyes still watery. He sniffed again and opened his arms as he hugged Jack. Jacob patted him on the back gently and murmured, his voice thick and cracking with emotion, "Everything's going to be OK, Jack. I promise."
Jack just nodded as he held the man back, fighting unwanted tears, "I hope so."
Jacob pulled back and wiped his eyes as he said with a small smile, "You heard me. I promised. Carters never break promises."
Jack nodded and glanced back at the woman who was now being hugged by a sobbing Cassie as she herself wept softly. He spoke hoarsely, his voice seeming to disappear from his throat, "Thanks J... Dad."
The man gave him a comforting smile as he murmured, "No problem. Remember if you need anything I'll be there. OK, I won't be able to pick him up from school..." Jack snorted slightly at his father-in-law's humour. Jacob smiled as he left after his Grandson, "And I may not always be around, but remember I will always there for you."
~~~~~~
After what felt like hours of people crying as Sam told them how much she loved them, everyone finally left for the night all promising they'd be back to see her tomorrow. Jack had given Jacob and Mark the keys to their house so they could go and sleep there, but both had said they'd rather sleep in the waiting room. Just in case.
Those three simple words sickened Jack awfully. Just in case she wasn't there tomorrow. He shivered visibly at the thought and sighed as he glanced down at Ryan.
He now sat with his son asleep in his arms in the chair beside Sam's bed. She stared at their son with so much care in her ashen features, that it made Jack wish it was him who was about to die rather than her. He wished it every day.
Her beautiful blue eyes began to fill with tears, her lip trembling as she attempted to control the shuddering whine that left her throat as she stared at her son. She gulped down air, but even that couldn't control the equally painful sob that left her throat.
"What's wrong?" Jack murmured anxiously.
"I'm scared, Jack," her voice was a whisper and Jack could see the raw fear in her watering, azure eyes, "I'm so frightened."
Jack reached out a hand and gently stroked her face as he felt his heart being squeezed in a tight fist. He spoke lovingly, "I'm here. Don't be afraid."
"I haven't got long..." she whispered and then stared at him with such intensity Jack felt his heart stopping. He knew what she meant and he hated it.
"Now you listen to me," he said seriously, "No morbid thoughts, OK?"
Sam gave a small laugh and then whispered, "OK."
He stood up slowly and placed his son on the empty bed across the room. He tucked the small boy under the blankets and returned to her side. He perched on the edge of her bed next to the woman propped up by snowy white pillows. Tears graced her pale cheeks as she murmured, "I'm not even going to see his 4th Birthday."
"Oh Sam," he whispered, holding her tightly to him. She was surprised to feel him shaking. Sam felt guilt again which made her tears fall harder. The guy had now lost one son, one daughter and was about to lose his second wife.
Sam realised suddenly that this was the first time since she'd been a small child that she'd been frightened off death. Samantha O'Neill could be trapped on a ship with only an hour of oxygen left and wouldn't be afraid of dying. Samantha O'Neill could step into a trap and have twenty or so staffs aimed at her and wouldn't be afraid of dying. Samantha O'Neill could be fighting in a battle where her side were losing badly and wouldn't be afraid of dying.
But sat in this hospital bed and knowing this was the end of her life, Samantha O'Neill was terrified.
She pulled back and murmured, "Thank you for always being there."
"No problem," he murmured as he leant forward and began to kiss her ardently. She pressed her lips against his as she tasted the salt from her continuous tears. She pulled back after a second as he placed his slightly scratchy cheek against her moist one and hugged her to him. She buried her face in his neck as she continued to cry silently.
They sat there for hours. Sam knew it had been at least longer than an hour because she'd almost fell asleep in his arms. She would've been happy to. She didn't want to move from him. His warm, strong body a shield from everything else that tried to harm her. Nothing else mattered and Sam remembered back to when this had all begun. In that prison cell, sat on her bunk. The first time they had kissed and the first time, she realised now after regaining her memory, that she'd allowed herself to acknowledge how much he meant to her.
She would die for him.
In the grand scheme of things she guessed she was. She was sure Jack had come to that conclusion. There had been countless times she had been awake in bed, unable to sleep due to her own demons, and had overheard his nightmares of that moment when she'd thrown herself in the way of that ribbon device. That was why she'd had the coma. That was why her nervous system had become so weak it wasn't able to sustain her any longer. That was why every second of her life was now counting down.
She pulled back slightly so she stared into his face. His beautiful brown eyes opened slowly, showing he'd been almost as willing just to stay there forever. Once his eyes focussed on her peaked face, they filled with such agony she felt herself take a soft gasp. He knew he couldn't save her and it was destroying him.
He spoke, his voice no longer it's strong self, "Why? If it wasn't for me... you wouldn't be going through this. Why, Sam? Why did you do it?"
Her lips were trembling again as she pressed them against his and whispered, "You know why."
She continued to kiss him tenderly not wanting this to end. Not wanting to die. She could've stayed like that until the end of time, and she would've if she'd had the choice, but she didn't.
He pulled back and she smiled gently through her tears. He leant over and snagged the box of tissues in his hand and began to dry her cheeks. She yawned slightly and he smiled a look of fondness and adoration on his worn and tired face. A feeling Sam had only begun to feel herself when she had first met him. He held her up, close to his body with one hand as he laid the pillows flat with the other. He gently lowered her head back down to the soft cushion as he had done almost every night for five months. Sam felt so safe and loved that she realised that for the past few years she'd been concentrating on everything she'd lost, when really what she'd gained was worth dying for. It always had been.
Jack tucked her in gently as he placed a feathery kiss on her forehead. Memories entered her head at the gesture. When she'd been a little girl her father or mother had always done this saying that the monsters that she used to think lived under her bed were terrified of love and as long as they were around the monsters would be wetting themselves!
He kept his face close to her as he kissed her softly on the cheek and whispered, "You look tired, Hon. Get some sleep."
She nodded as his face lingered near hers for a moment before he sighed quietly and stood up straight again. He walked across the room and picked up their son, who even when sleeping had a grip like iron on Teddy, and carried the sleeping child in his arms back to her bedside. He sat down in the chair and began to absentmindedly stroke the boy's incredibly soft hair with his finger tips.
He looked up at her again and smiled softly, "I said get some sleep. Do I need to make it an order?"
She felt a smile of her own, her eyelids sliding shut as she drifted off to a nightmare free sleep for the first time in months.
~~~~~~
Ryan woke in the early hours of the morning. He glanced up at his Dad who was sleeping. He wriggled out of the man's arms and looked up at his Mom's bed. He threw Teddy onto the bed and then attempted to climb it, but couldn't get his small leg high enough.
A soft whisper came from above him and Ryan stared up into his Mom's eyes, "What are you doing, you little monster?"
She grinned at him tiredly as he whispered in a youthful lisp, "Shh. Daddy's `sleep."
Ryan jumped up and clung to the blankets before slipping off again. He was determined to get up there. He tried again, finally managing to haul himself up onto the hospital bed. He grabbed Teddy and crawled over to his mother. He wriggled beneath the covers next to her, her arm slowly encircling his tiny body with its weak hold. He laid his head on her shoulder and pulled himself as close as he could get to his mother's warm body. She placed a gentle kiss on his forehead as he looked up his mother's beautiful face. She smiled slightly as the boy gave her a small kiss on the lips, before snuggling back into the warmth of the blanket cocoon. He pulled closer to her and felt his eyelids drooping tiredly, a yawn escaping his mouth.
His mother's lips rested on his hair and she began to sing, as quiet as a breeze, her voice soft and comforting. Ryan snuggled closer to her as the whispered words lulled him to sleep.
"Twinkle, Twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are? Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle, Twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are...?"
~~~~~~
Jack woke up with a start. He'd fallen asleep in the chair in Sam's room, with Ryan in his arms. He glanced at his lap and when he saw his son was missing he looked up in shock. His eyes fell on Ryan asleep in Sam's bed beside her. They were both sound asleep, their golden hair glinting in the daylight that now began to fill the room.
Jack strode to the window and glanced out into the beautiful March dawn. The sun had only just begun to rise over the Colorado rooftops and emanating a glorious pale light. Spring had arrived at last and the trees outside in the Hospital Park were in full blossom. It was going to be a beautiful day...
Suddenly intuition kicked in and Jack almost threw up from the strong, gut-feeling that surged through him. He spun around his eyes falling on the stunning woman lying beneath the blankets. Dread hit his heart as fear took over him, making his body seize with shock. Her chest wasn't moving!
"Sam!" He called her name and realised what was happening. The moment he had dreaded from the first time he had realised he loved her, back in Antarctica, had arrived. His brain finally kicked into action and he began to move of his own accord. He hurriedly rung the alarm, as Janet and two nurses sped into the room followed by everyone else as Jack burbled shocked as he was nearly shoved out of the way, "I woke up. She's not breathing."
Ryan stirred and stared around confused as the nurses ripped him from his mother's side. He began to cry frightened, "Mommy? Mommy!" Teal'c lifted him up into his strong arms and held the boy to him gently as he stroked the boy's back and murmured, "It is alright, Ryan O'Neill. You are safe."
Teal'c watched as Janet desperately tried the paddles, but it didn't work. The woman began to cry as she shouted, "Sam! Oh please! Not now! Sam? Sam!"
Teal'c knew then that his dear friend was dead. He clenched his jaw feeling a surreal pain that Teal'c had rarely felt in his whole life. He watched feeling unusually helpless as the Doctor's sobbing became so hard she couldn't control herself any longer. She was shaking violently as Daniel pulled her away and they both fell to the floor crying. He just enclosed his wife in his arms as she continued to cry, with trembling gasps of absolute disbelief. The weeping man beckoned for their daughter to come to him. The young woman also dropped to the floor beside them as they all clung to each other expressing their grief.
Teal'c continued to rub Ryan O'Neill's back and sway slightly trying to rock the small boy. He had noticed that this was what the Tau'ri did when their children were upset like the young male who continued to cry forlornly into his shoulder.
"Shh," Teal'c hushed the boy, as dear to him as his own son, in an attempt to comfort the now motherless child. He looked up from the boy in his arms to Jacob Carter and his descendant. The older man was crying hard and trying to reach for his daughter who was now having her time of death called. Mark Carter just grabbed his father's flailing arms and pulled him into a tight embrace as both the sobbing men held each other tightly.
It was then Teal'c's eyes moved to the lonely figure stood motionless before him. His dearest companion, unlike everyone else in the room, was not crying. Instead he just stood staring at Samantha O'Neill's lifeless body in silence, his eyes unblinking, his body completely stationary as if all the spirit had been drained from him and had left nothing but an inert body.
Teal'c felt not only concern for the man, but extreme fear. Teal'c knew he dreaded almost nothing, but he could not mistake the bitter taste of anxiety that suddenly seemed to remove all moisture from his mouth, making his tongue stick to its ceiling, as if he was dehydrated.
Teal'c cautiously stepped towards the man and spoke, trying to keep his voice from wavering, "O'Neill?"
The man didn't even look at him as he whispered brokenly, shock so thick in his voice, it seemed to be nothing but a hollow echo of the man Teal'c had known for many years.
"I didn't say goodbye."
His words of complete desolation affected Teal'c in such a way that the Jaffa finally allowed his tears to fall, as he clung to O'Neill's son tightly, watching yet another one of his closest friends fall away from him into oblivion.
~~~~~~
Jack managed to stumble down the corridors in a stunned trance, his feet just walking, his mind in no way communicating information with them. After hours of crying, Ryan had finally dozed off to a restless sleep. He'd left his sleeping son with Teal'c as Daniel was already swamped down with his weeping family and Mark and Jacob were also... preoccupied.
Jacob and Mark were devastated and that was an understatement. Jacob slightly more than Mark. The last Jack had seen him he'd still been sat there clasping Sam's lifeless hand. He'd then stood up shakily and whispered, `I have to be alone for a little while.' Mark had begun arguing with the man accusing him of not caring and a fierce, tearful argument had ensued.
Jack had left then, also needing to be alone. Tired of watching everyone shed buckets of tears when he himself was unable to do so.
It hurt like hell. That feeling Jack couldn't identify. All he wanted to do was collapse in the middle of this corridor and weep until he couldn't let another tear drip to the shiny, smooth floor. But it seemed it was the only thing he couldn't do and instead he had to endure the pain, pretend to be strong, when really it felt as if he couldn't breathe. Like a fish out of water. It felt as if every time his lungs inflated the blade of reality that was wedged so deeply into his heart pushed in even harder unleashing an even greater agony.
He really should've been the one still clinging onto Sam's cold fingers as if waiting for her to open her vivacious eyes, laugh and tell them all it had been an elaborate, but early April Fools prank concocted by her and the devious Doctor Janet Jackson.
That was nothing more than a fantasy. There was nothing he wanted more in the entire world. Only sarcophagi could bring back the dead. Janet had ruled out that possibility long ago, for some complicated reason, Jack couldn't possibly grasp, although he had tried with all his might to understand the words that had issued from Janet's mouth. Sam's body had been damaged too much for it to be effective, as with that Tok'ra healing device. That had been Jack's only hope of having Sam back to normal long ago and when the Tok'ra finally managed to get their hands on a sarcophagus she had been the first user. Nothing had happened...
Jack looked around the room he'd just stepped into and knew where he was. One of the nurses walked forward and spoke gently, "Can I have your name?"
He murmured, his voice husky and dry, "Jonathon O'Neill."
The woman spoke again softly, "Who are you here to see?"
"Megan O'Neill. Baby girl."
The nurse nodded sympathetically and murmured, "Follow me."
Jack just followed his thought fixed on his daughter. His mind was reeling with images of death. Every death he'd ever witnessed dancing in his head, tormenting and haunting him.
"Mr. O'Neill?"
The man looked up at the nurse, who had obviously said his name more than once as she was now fixing him with a nauseating look of pity. He looked away from the expression hating it. His eyes fell onto the outline of a tiny baby lying beneath the sheet on the miniature bed.
"Thank you," he murmured.
The middle aged woman tried to smile comfortingly, "I'll leave you alone."
She turned and passed him a chair, which he sat down on as the woman left the small room, silently closing the door behind her.
Hesitantly, he lifted the corners of the green cloth and uncovered the girl's head. She was beautiful. He'd only seen her for what seemed like split seconds and at the time she'd been covered in blood. Now she was clean, but pale and lifeless.
Her tiny face was perfect and the few fair hairs on her head glinted gently in the light. Jack knew he was in love with his daughter in an instant, even though he'd never experience being her father. Teaching her how to walk and talk, reading her bedtime stories, playing with her, tucking her in at night, helping her with her homework, threatening any of the boys that tried to go out with her...
He reached out a finger and gently touched the icy, soft skin. Before he knew what he was saying he found himself clasping his hands in front of him and praying.
"Let her live. Please, let her live."
He knew the words were empty as there was no way this baby girl could be brought back from the dead after so long.
He scrapped a shaking hand over his unshaved, wrinkled and battle scarred face. He could feel his unshed tears mounting in his tired eyes. He rubbed them hard before letting out a broken sigh, "God, what did I do to deserve this?"
"Jack?"
He looked up in shock to see Daniel stood in the doorway hesitantly. Jack pulled the back of his hand over his eyes as the man said extremely apologetically, "I'm sorry if I startled you."
"No," Jack sniffed and hurriedly wiped his eyes again, "No, Daniel. It's alright."
Daniel spoke gently, "I didn't mean to intrude, but Ryan's just woken up and he wants you..."
Jack stood up swiftly and wiped away the moisture that seemed to have accumulated in his eyes again, "Sure. I just need a second." He inhaled deeply and then closed his eyes for a minute before he murmured, "OK. I'm coming."
As Jack was about to follow Daniel from the room there was a flash of bright, white light and before them stood a short grey alien. He stared at Jack with his large black eyes, "O'Neill."
"Thor? What are you... what are you doing here?" Jack managed to ask.
He spoke again in his almost robotic sounding voice, "You asked for help and we heard."
Jack looked at Daniel in confusion and the man looked straight back at him in equal perplexity. Jack looked back at the small man and crouched in front of him, "Thor Buddy, what are you talking about?"
Thor's hand rose and he pointed with a spindly grey finger at the still uncovered face of the baby girl, "You wished that your daughter could live. I have come to help you."
Daniel spoke mystified, "You mean... you can..."
"There is a way," Thor said. He turned back to Jack, "O'Neill, would you allow me to attempt it?"
Jack stood flabbergasted. He couldn't speak couldn't think. His mind that had once been filled with circling images was now empty.
Sam often made jokes about his vacant head, although she mainly told him he was intelligent, but saw things at there simplest. Now his head really did feel vacant as if he was no longer inside his head. As if his thoughts, soul, memories, everything had floated away and all that was left was his unmoving body.
He glanced at the baby as after what felt like empty hours he managed to croak hoarsely, "She could be alive and well?"
Thor nodded slightly, "It is possible."
Daniel spoke again slightly excited, "How?"
Thor turned to the Doctor, "The child is very young and it is extremely easy for the device I have brought with me to revive her..." The Asguard paused fixing Jack with a stare, "I must tell you that the Asguard have our own motivations for reviving you child, O'Neill, and that these motives will definitely come to rise in her future."
"What motives?" Jack whispered still staring at his daughter.
"I cannot say. She is special, O'Neill and the Asguard have a special interest in her well-being," Thor spoke gently, "Though I must ask your consent before attempting the procedure as it is not certain whether it will be a success."
Jack glanced at him as his lips managed to form the words, "Do it."
The alien just nodded slightly as there was another flash of light and a small green stone, covered in Viking runes appeared in his small grey hand.
He pattered over to Megan's side, but was slightly too short to look over the baby. He spoke, "O'Neill, move the chair so I may stand on it."
Jack hurriedly moved the chair into position. The Asguard stepped up onto the seat and stared over the small girl.
He held the device above the child's head. It began to emit a pale green light that slowly got brighter. Thor unclasped his long grey fingers from around the device as it floated above the child.
He spoke, "Now we shall see if she wants to live..."
Daniel asked another question as he stared at the device in wonder, "What?"
"The device will only work when the subject wishes to live."
Daniel spoke again, "It raids the subconscious?"
"Yes. As a young child, O'Neill's daughter will most probably wish to live. If she does it will begin the healing process."
"Why?" Daniel asked curiously, "Why doesn't it just heal her straight away?"
Thor turned to the man, "So there is no way it can be used as a way of torture. Killing someone and then bringing them back to life so the process may begin again."
Jack listened to the conversation although his eyes remained fixed on the baby. It was then that the baby's chest rose and the girl gave a choke.
The devices lights almost completely disappeared as Thor clasped it again in his hand. After a moment the girl began to scream and wail.
Jack couldn't speak and just stared at the girl. He was shivering violently as he whispered, "Megan..." Behind him he heard Daniel swearing in every language her knew.
It was then Janet rushed in, "Daniel! Jacob and Mark are fighting again! I need your hel... Oh my God!"
She noticed Thor and the wailing baby and almost fainted. Daniel caught her as the woman's eyes remained fixed on the small grey alien.
He spoke to the doctor gently, "Would you please examine O'Neill's daughter."
"S-she's alive!" Janet stammered as Thor nodded ever so slightly.
The woman stood up shakily assuring her husband she was alright. She ran over to the baby and felt her cheeks and her pulse although the fact the baby was balling her head off was enough to tell she was alive.
The woman spoke, "How?"
"I shall explain later, but I believe O'Neill wishes to hold his child."
It was only when Thor said those words did Jack realise his baby was alive. She continued to scream and cry loudly, as Janet with shocked tears in her eyes lifted the baby from the bed.
She spoke, "Supreme Commander Thor, I think you should hide or disappear for a moment. I have to call the nurses for blankets..."
Thor interrupted her, "I understand. Goodbye O'Neill."
With that he disappeared in a flash of light. Within a split second Janet was sobbing and calling through the intercom for nurses to come immediately.
When the nurses arrived with blankets and things Jack heard many of the nurses saying, `It's a miracle' or `it's impossible'. Jack didn't think he could speak all he could do was watch as they wrapped the tiny baby in blankets.
Janet stepped towards him holding the screaming baby and said with a sad tearful smile, "Jack, this is your beautiful baby girl."
Jack couldn't stop gawping at the baby which continued to scream for all she was worth. Janet spoke softly, "Hold out your arms."
After a moment of slow blinking, Jack did as he was bid and Janet carefully laid the baby into his arms. The comforting weight of the child in his arms seemed to bring him back to the real world. He looked down at the baby. Her wailing seemed to cease as the tiny baby stared up at him, with an expression on her tiny face which made her look puzzled.
He felt a chuckle escape his lips as tears filled his eyes again. He held the baby to him tighter as he whispered, "Hey there." The baby's puzzled look was still definitely evident as Jack murmured, "Now I know what she got from me."
He felt a supporting hand on his shoulder and turned to see Daniel was smiling though his smile was tired, "Congratulations Jack."
Jack still felt the absolute sadness in his heart and turned back to his daughter. The tiny baby whose eyes were now shut again gave a small yawn which made all the women in the room `ahh' simultaneously.
Janet spoke softly, "She's quite premature, but I think she'll be fine." She stared at Jack as a tear made it past her eyelashes, "I think there are a few people who would like to see her now."
Jack just nodded gently, as the numbing feeling of shock returned. Sam was no longer alive and had missed all chance of seeing their daughter.
He stared back down at the child Thor had called `special'. What Thor had meant by the words he had no idea, but Jack knew why the amazing tiny baby was special to him. Her tiny chubby fingers were curled around the edge of the blanket as she yawned again, obviously in need of a good long nap.
"Yes," he managed to murmur after a second, realising he hadn't answered the Doctor who was fixing him with her anxious frown until he spoke, "Ryan will want to meet his new little sister."
Daniel spoke again realising his friend was unusually close to tears, "And Jacob and Mark will want to see her, not to mention Cassie and Teal'c."
Jack nodded again in reply, his eyes still fixed on the little person lying in his arms. His... little girl. He held her tightly. His little girl! He stroked the soft blond hairs on her head. She was his little girl and he was never going to let her forget it.
~~~~~~
As the sun shone through cracks in the clouds and the gentle breeze shook the tree branches, covered in spring blossom, Jack glanced at the older man beside him as they thanked the people that now left the church. He gave Jack a comforting smile and patted him on the shoulder gently.
Jacob was crying silently as he held his grandson's hand tightly. Jack watched the small boy as he sniffed and tugged on his grandpa's sleeve gently. The man looked at him and then lifted the boy into his arms and hugged him tightly to him, eyes squeezed shut. If anyone could possibly be worst affected than himself it was Jacob. Now all the man had left was Mark and they weren't exactly the best of friends. Actually that wasn't true. Jacob had him and the kids. As far as Jack was concerned, Jacob and Hammond were the fathers he'd never had. His real Dad hadn't spoken to him since he'd left home at sixteen.
Jack lowered his eyes to the tiny baby in his arms, praying to God that he wouldn't be a bad father. The beautiful girl slept soundly in the warmth of the blankets. He looked up again as his eyes fixed on another couple of Sam's friends from the Pentagon who gave him their condolences and farewells.
His eyes lowered to the baby that let out a small whine. He hushed her slightly until she stopped as he noticed in the corner of his eye yet more figures clad in black exiting the church. Megan quietened down again and stared up with her baby blue eyes in that vacant expression babies sometimes have, staring off into space.
He felt a gentle touch on his arm and glanced at Janet who stood at his other side with Cassie and Daniel. Daniel smiled slightly as he said awkwardly, "It was a beautiful service."
"Yeah," Jack managed to reply as Cassie stepped forward and gave him a peck on the cheek.
"If you need a babysitter, I have nothing better to do at home," Cassie said with a smile as she wiped her eyes again. She gave a small laugh, "Only homework and chores..."
Jack smiled, "Thanks Cass."
The young girl he'd once known was now a blossoming young woman, but to Jack it seemed she hadn't changed at all in all those years. Still the same young girl who's been the only one to talk Sam from her depressive pit after the Jolinar incident.
Cassie smiled and murmured, "I'll go put Ryan in the car."
The little boy waddled forward and took her outstretched hand as he waved and murmured, "Bye Grandpa."
"I'll see you soon," Jacob murmured back to little boy.
"Bye Daddy."
Jack's eyes met his son's as he smiled, "Bye Kiddo."
Cassie began to walk down the path towards the car park, Ryan toddling beside her, as Daniel murmured, "I better go too." He smiled at Jack as he stepped forward and passed the dozing baby into Daniel's arms.
The man looked down lovingly at the baby and Jack knew how much all their friends loved the girl. Daniel's eyes rose to his as he murmured, "I'll see you soon. Maybe we could go watch a hockey match sometime."
"That'd be great, Daniel," Jack murmured as the man gave him a final comforting smile and then began to walk down the path after Cassandra.
Jack turned to Janet who still stood by his side. She spoke thickly, as she seemed to have just managed to douse her tears, "Me and Daniel have the cot and everything at ours. You can phone us whenever you want to pick them up. Tommorrow, the day after... whenever. We don't mind."
Jack didn't smile, but murmured, "Thanks Janet."
The woman began to cry again softly and murmured, "Come here."
She pulled him into a hug for a second and then pulled back slightly staring after her husband as she murmured, "She's a beautiful little girl, Colonel. "
He nodded gently, "Yes. Yes she is. And it's not Colonel anymore. I retired, remember?"
"Habit," Janet nodded as she murmured, "Did you hear about Kinsey?"
"I won't get a moment's peace for the rest of my life if he even utters a word," Jack sighed and glanced at his children as Daniel and Cassie seated them in Daniel's car, "The kids would be mobbed every time they went to school."
Janet nodded gently and then murmured, "We'll find a way to stop that from happening, Jack." She turned away and gave him a small wave as she murmured, "Call us when you want to collect the kids."
"Will do," Jack replied as the woman walked away. She climbed into the passenger seat of the car as the engine started and the car drove away, disappearing from view as it turned a corner.
Jack stared after it in silence as his father in law spoke, "Uh... Jack?"
Jack turned to the man as his eyes rose to the woman dressed in black that now stood in the church doorway. She gave him a small smile as she murmured, "I was late. I just slipped in."
Jack nodded understandingly as he murmured, "I'm glad you could make it."
She nodded herself as she murmured, "I'm sorry."
"I've survived this once, Sara. I'll do it again."
His ex-wife stared at him with care in her blue eyes as she nodded sadly and gave him a peck on the cheek as she murmured, "If you need anything, just call, OK?"
"Sure. Bye Sara."
She replied with a comforting smile as she walked away and her position was filled by three more people who'd been talking to Jacob.
"O'Neill, I wish to express my sincere apologies and hope that if you have any difficulties you will contact me immediately."
Jack felt a smile on his face as the Jaffa embraced him in a manly hug, "Thanks, T. You're a good friend."
The man pulled back as his mentor stepped forward, "Colonel O'Neill. Your wife's death is a significant loss and I wish you to know that she will not be forgotten by Jaffa for her contributions in our struggle against Goa'uld oppression."
"She'd be honoured, Bray'tac."
The old Jaffa warrior nodded as he placed his clenched fist above his heart in Jaffa salute as he said, "Tek Mah Tay."
Jack nodded, "Back at ya, Bray'tac."
The elderly man laughed, "Back at you as well, my old friend."
Teal'c stood with Bray'tac as the last guest stepped forward, "How are coping, Son?"
"Day by Day, Sir. Day by Day."
General Hammond nodded, "I understand, Colonel. When I lost Rachel... I thought life was over," the man smiled, "But I'm still here today and I have no intention on budging."
Jack smiled at the man, "I mean no offence when I say, you always were a goddamn stubborn son-of a bitch, George."
The man laughed again, "So were you if my memory serves me correctly." The man's smile faded as he nodded solemnly, "You have my best, Jack."
With that the last of the mourners left the church, leaving Jack and Jacob stood alone in the spring sunshine. Jack sighed as the gentle breeze blew through his hair. Sam would've loved today. She loved days like these. He remembered the look of complete joy in her eyes when she woke and spring sunshine was pouring through the window. He face would light up with complete contentment and wonder as she looked out at the blue sky, fluffy white clouds floating lazily along.
He smiled, his eyes still shut as he remembered the way she used to go around the house humming, sometimes singing `Zip-a-dee-doo-dah' to herself, completely unaware of what a wonderful person she was and of how much he loved her...
Jack looked over at Sam's father relieved to see he was no longer crying else Jack was sure he may have broken down again himself. The older man laid a hand on his shoulder and led him down the path as he murmured, "If you want I could stay the night at your place..."
"Don't worry, Jake," Jack replied, "I'll be fine."
The man nodded although it was slightly uncertain, "Alright then. Can you drop me off at the SGC?"
Jack nodded as they stepped towards Sam's car and Jack opened the door, "Of course."
He started the engine, as he looked at the man, "When are you next going to visit?"
"I'm not sure," the man sighed, "You know what the Tok'ra are like. I'll try my hardest to be here for Ryan's birthday though I'm not making any promises."
Jack nodded and began to drive away from the Cemetery feeling as if part of him was still there and he had just left it behind. A part of him he could never replace and that when gone made him feel empty.
He missed her so much. He didn't know how he was going to survive without her and that was a worrying thought. Everyone worried about him. Truth was even he was worried about himself! As much as it felt like the world was ending, he couldn't leave. He couldn't leave his children to be orphans like he wished he could at this very moment.
After half an hour of driving in silence, Jack pulled into the SGC. He moved past all of the security and parked in a parking space as Jacob opened his door. He looked back at Jack as he whispered, "Take care of yourself and don't do anything stupid!"
Jack forced a smile although both of them knew it was fake, "You know me, Jacob. Since when would I do anything stupid?"
Jacob smiled sadly at the comment and murmured, "Just don't, OK?"
Jack nodded as the man closed the passenger door as Jack pulled out. Jacob gave him a small wave before he began to drive home.
~~~~~~
As Jack sat in his living room drinking he stared at the photo on his lap. Ryan's third birthday. It had been about two months or so later that Sam had become pregnant with Megan.
They were a whole pack of pictures, but this was the best. Ryan was laughing as he sat in Sam's arms. She looked so beautiful. She always had in his mind, even when she'd been in that bad way, but in this picture she looked more beautiful than he'd ever seen her. Maybe it was because of that big wide smile on her face. A smile that had become a rarity in those dark months before Megan's birth.
Jack took another swig of the strongest alcohol he could find in the house and stood up and put one of Sam's CDs in the stereo.
He collapsed back on the couch as one song began:
Come up to meet you, Tell you I'm sorry You don't know how lovely you are. I had to find you, Tell you I need you, Tell you I set you apart.
The words struck home with Jack and he felt his heart aching at the words. He was sorry. Sorry it wasn't him who was six feet under instead of her. His lovely wife. Sam had never known how lovely she was. Even when he'd told her she never believed it. Also, he needed her. Almost more than life itself and if it wasn't for Ryan and Megan, Jack guessed he would of given up his life. Finally, he had set her apart. He'd set her apart from the beginning.
Tell me your secrets And ask me you questions. Oh, let's go back to the start. Runnin' in circles, Coming up tails, Heads on the science apart.
What Jack wouldn't give to go back to the start. To go back to that mission. To have said to Daniel it was a whole load of rubbish and there was no magic medicine that could make you live forever. If there was Jack would've done anything to get it for Sam. They wouldn't go on the mission and Sam would probably still be alive. Ok, so they wouldn't be together, but Jack wouldn't care as long as in the morning he still heard her beautiful voice and saw her beautiful smile as she said, `Morning Colonel.'
Nobody said it was easy, It's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy No one ever said it would be this hard Oh, take me back to the start.
No one ever said it would be this hard. When Jack had been a kid no one had said that life would be this hard. And there it was again. What he wouldn't give to go back to the start right about now. He may never have had Ryan, but maybe they'd both still be alive. Maybe if Sam had still been in the war with the Goa'uld it would've been over by now and they would be living together again and getting married.
I was just guessing At numbers and figures Pulling the puzzles apart. Questions of science Science and progress Do not speak as loud as my heart.
And tell me you love me Come back and haunt me Oh, what a rush to the start. Runnin' in circles, Chasin' our tails Coming back as we are.
He wished he could still hear her voice telling him she loved him. Now it was just a painful memory that haunted him. His mind was running in circles, trying to find out the exact point between realities. One, where Sam died, and another, where she didn't.
Nobody said it was easy Oh, it's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be so hard. I'm going back to the start.
The song finished and Jack took another long swig of the alcohol. He glanced at the CD case. The track was entitled `The Scientist'. She was the woman he loved more than anyone and she'd been a scientist, the type of person Jack hated most, except for politicians.
He now felt extremely empty, even though in reality he was anything but empty. He was full to the brim of pain and suffering.
He finished the rest of the bottle and got out the next bottle with the second highest amount of alcohol. He finally began to feel it dulling his emotions and numbing his pain, though now he just felt depressed.
`Alcohol has that affect. It's a depressant, you dumb ass!'
Jack put his head in his hands and slipped off the couch so his back was leant against it. He gave a shaky sigh and looked up. Every thing reminded him of her. Every damn thing! Something she'd said, something she'd done or just some memory connected with her.
His eyes fell on a wine stain on the carpet beside him. It was usually hidden by the couch, but as Jack had fallen to the floor the couch had moved and the dark stain was now visible.
He remembered how it got there so well. Before Ryan had been conceived and they'd been living in his house for a while. Sam had been practising with her crutches and tipped over a glass of red wine. Jack closed his eyes as the vivid memories ran through his head...
`Oh God! I'm sorry.'
`No problem. It's just a stain. It's quite easy to get rid of.'
`Really? How?'
`Well, you push the couch over it... like so!'
Sam laughed merrily and then said, `I'll have to remember that.'
Jack shook his head banishing her laugh's echo from his mind. Her laugh caused him incredible pain that swept over him. Her beautiful laugh that was so happy and pure. It was now a laugh he would only hear when watching a video of them together or when thinking about her. So, naturally, the merry laugh was in his head literally all the time.
He sighed gently and he pushed himself up off the floor, pulling the couch back into place. He walked slowly around his house. Janet and Daniel had come round and packed most of Sam's stuff away in boxes which now lay in the attic. Of course there was still tons of her stuff everywhere.
He walked upstairs. He stared into their bedroom. He really had to get rid of that double bed. There just wasn't enough room in the house for it. He'd moved Megan's cot into the room and it now stood near the bed, the mobile revolving slowly, the gold and silver stars spinning around as the occasional note of `Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' played.
If you could actually feel your heart breaking Jack was positive his had just been put through a shredder. He clasped his head in his hands for a second, waiting for the pain to leave, before he stepped out of the room and stumbled towards Ryan's bedroom. The little boy had been sleeping in with him since Sam's death, so the room was immaculately clean.
It was then he noticed something. He walked over to the boy's miniature bed and sat down picking up the teddy. It's once soft, white fur was now grey, from excessive hugging by his son. He lifted the teddy up in his hands and stared at it. It's black, shiny, button eyes looked sad as he stared at the small cuddly toy.
He had bought it for him when Sam had first returned from the hospital. Ryan never went to sleep without it. He sighed softly. The poor kid would probably be asking for it right about now. Jack would've taken it to him, but he was... drunk actually, and in no condition to drive. Any minute now he'd get an extremely apologetic call from Daniel asking if he could come and get Teddy, with many an `I'm so sorry Jack and I don't mean to disturb you from your depressive drunken deliberations, but...'.
Jack stroked the soft fur on the teddy bear's sad face with his thumb, as he murmured, "How am I gonna get through this alone?"
"You're not alone, Jack."
Jack looked up in shock to see his wife stood before him smiling warmly, shining like a star. Soft white light framed her. She looked so real as she stared at him with those breathtaking eyes and murmured, "You have my Dad, Ryan, Megan, Janet, Daniel, Cassie, Teal'c and the General. You will never be alone."
He spoke as a tear managed to fall from his eyes, "Sam?"
She grinned as she said, "Maybe."
Jack gave a shaky sigh and pulled a hand over his tired features, "In other words, I've had too much to drink!"
Sam spoke seriously, "The kids need you, Jack. You're their only parent now, so they need you more than ever."
Jack shook his head as he said thickly, "I can't do this on my own. Before I know it Ryan will be a juvenile delinquent and Megan will have become the kind of girl that stands on street corners!"
"That's not true," she whispered gently. She walked towards him and sat down on the bed beside him. She stared at him as she smiled, "You will be a great Dad."
"Yeah right," Jack said as more tears clouded his vision, "I can't do this without you. Even when I had Sara look what happened to Charlie."
She spoke softly, "That wasn't your fault, Honey," Jack went to speak but she held up a ghostly finger as she continued, "We all make mistakes. And if you continue to grieve and wallow in alcohol over me, there will be more." She spoke gently as she smiled again, "Your children love you, Jack. Ryan adores you and when Megan grows up she'll be no different." Sam smiled, "And you know that I will never stop loving you."
Jack felt hot tears streaming from his eyes for the first time as he finally gave in to the pain, "I love you too. I never told you enough times how much I loved you."
She continued to smile at him as she murmured, "Once was enough, but you told me everyday anyway. You told me, not only in words, exactly how you felt just by being there for me. I always knew you loved me. There was never any doubt."
He couldn't control his tears any longer as the agony was so bad he was surprised he wasn't just disintegrating where he sat. He spoke in a whisper, "Why did you have to go?"
"I didn't go anywhere. I'm still here."
"You know what I mean," he mumbled into his hands.
She gave a soft sigh, "It was just my time." She paused as she said gently, "I want you to know I was happy and I still am."
Jack snorted through his tears, "Well, it's alright for you. I'm the one who's got to cope with life now without the only thing that made me keep it in the first place."
The woman spoke sincerely as he glanced at her, "Jack, you have to let me go now. You can't spend the rest of your life getting drunk and leaving Janet and Daniel to take care of the kids."
"I can't let you go," he said wiping the back of his hand over his eyes.
"I don't mean forget about me completely and go off and marry some other woman. I mean... I'm dead and there's no way to change that. It's the way it is."
Jack nodded softly as he murmured, "I know. I just..." He choked on his voice as he stared into her eyes, "I just wish."
"Yeah. Me too," She smiled fondly, "But I've got to go. I'm needed. It's hard work being an angel."
Jack chuckled softly as he asked curiously, "What do you do?
"Help people, guide people, care for people. You know, turn pumpkins into carriages," She smiled, "Ever wondered who drops the nickels on the street for a little child to see and pick up?"
Jack smiled through his tears, "You always did have a soft spot for kids."
"That's why I married you."
He looked up at her as she grinned at him playfully in a way that still made Jack's heart flutter. After a second her grin became a small smile again as Jack murmured, "Please don't go."
She spoke equally sadly as she murmured, "There's no way to stay, Jack, but I'll always be watching over you. You're not alone and you never will be again."
"Oh Sam," he whispered half between a sob and a whine.
"I've got to go back now," she said as the dazzling light from around her seemed to get slightly brighter.
He murmured desperately, "You never really answered my question. I need to know. Is it really you?"
She stood up and stepped before him, "What do you think?"
"That I've lost it."
She laughed merrily, the same laugh that already echoed in Jack's mind, "No. You haven't lost it."
He stared at her, unshed tears creating a blurry film over his eyes, "Do you really have to go?"
She nodded sadly, "Yes. I'm sorry, Jack."
He spoke shakily, biting his bottom lip, "I never had a chance to say goodbye."
"Well, now's your chance," she whispered.
Jack let out a choked sob as he whispered, "I love you, Sam."
She smiled as the white light got brighter, "I love you too, Jack."
"Where are you going?" He asked urgently standing up.
"A place where we'll be together again. One day," she whispered, "I promise."
The Ghost stepped closer two him as one of her hands rose and stroked the side of his face gently, making Jack shiver compulsively. She stared at her hand sadly for a moment before she stepped back again.
"Bye Sam," he whispered.
She grinned as the light began to blind him, but he couldn't close his eyes. He refused to. He had to see her. The light became so bright that all Jack could see was her outline as the beautiful voice whispered like a breeze.
"Bye..."
~~~~~~
Janet went to knock on the door, but found it was already slightly open. She pushed it open and looked around, "Hello? Jack?"
There was no reply. She glanced around the living room and noticed a glass bottle drained of what ever liquor had previously filled it.
It was then she thought she heard something from upstairs. She moved towards the staircase and began to climb as she heard the Colonel's voice. He sounded as though he'd been crying or was still, "Do you really have to go?"
Oh God this was worse than she thought. He was talking to hi...
"Yes. I'm sorry, Jack."
If Janet hadn't been grabbing onto the banister she may have fallen down the stairs. She clung on for dear life as the voice registered with her brain.
She continued to climb the stairs as Jack spoke again, "I never had a chance to say goodbye."
Janet reached the landing. A light was emanating from Ryan's room. She edged towards the door as that soft, airy voice whispered again, "Well, now's your chance."
Janet glanced through the small gap into the room and gasped although neither of her friends heard her.
Jack's face was streaming with tears as the ghost of Sam stood feet away wreathed in light. He spoke, "I love you Sam."
She smiled, "I love you too, Jack."
Janet blinked back tears as the light got slightly brighter. The man spoke, standing hurriedly, his eyes wide with the fear of her leaving, "Where are you going?"
"A place where we'll be together again. One Day. I promise."
She watched as the spectre took a step forward and touched the man's cheek. Even Janet could see the man shiver. The woman pulled her hand back and Janet could see the sadness in her blue eyes as she stared at her ghostly palm before taking a step back from him again.
Jack spoke lovingly his bottom lip trembling, "Bye Sam."
The light was becoming brighter and brighter. Janet blinked as her eyes filled with coloured splodges. She looked up as through the light she could see Samantha O'Neill's body fading away slowly, a smile on her angelic face as she whispered, "Bye..."
The light suddenly disappeared and Janet rubbed her tear brimmed eyes as she stared at the man stood in the middle of the room, still clutching Ryan's teddy in one hand.
He looked up and saw her. She expected him to go berserk, but instead he murmured, "Here's Teddy..."
He held out the bear as she whispered surprised, "She was here."
Jack frowned as he wiped his eyes, "You saw?"
"She was here..." Janet's voice trailed away as she held shaking fingers to her lips in shock.
Jack closed his eyes as a final tear rolled down his cheek. He sighed as a small smile came to his lips and he brushed the tear away with his fingertips, "Thank you."
"What?"
Jack turned to her still smiling slightly, "I don't ask for a lot and I hardly ever pray, but that day when I stood there watching as you tried to resuscitate her, I prayed that I would be able to say goodbye."
He sniffed and looked at the Teddy in his hands again as he stepped towards her. She held out her hands as he placed the bear into them and murmured, "Tell Ryan I love him."
Janet nodded sadly gulping back the tears as she murmured, "Of course."
She turned to leave when Jack placed a hand on her shoulder, "And Janet?" She turned to him again as he whispered, "I'll pick my kids up in the morning."
Janet felt a smile on her lips as she nodded, "OK, Jack." She gave him a peck on the cheek and placed a hand on his arm for a second as she murmured, "Take care of yourself."
"Sure thing, Doc."
She smiled at him as he smiled back. She gave him a small wave as she left the room and began to wander down the stairs slowly.
She walked out to her car and opened the door. She was about to step in when she felt something. The street lamp flickered for a second and a breeze blew through the trees, making them rustle in the near silence of night.
Janet's smile widened slightly as she stepped into the car and carefully propped Teddy up in the passenger seat. She started the engine and drove along the many streets to her house her mind fixed on what had just happened.
She parked up in her drive and switched the key in the ignition as the gentle hum of the engine dissipated. She pulled it out of the ignition as she lifted the teddy bear from the seat and climbed back out of her car.
She walked to the front door and opened it. She stepped into the warmth as she removed her coat and hung it on the coat peg by the door. She slipped her shoes off and pulled a pair of slippers onto her feet.
She walked into the house and was greeted by a confused looking Daniel. She kissed him gently and then murmured, "What's wrong, Hon?"
"When you left Megan started wailing and I ran to the room to get her when she stopped suddenly. I panicked and sped into the spare room, but she was just lying there staring out of the window."
Janet frowned slightly, "What?"
"That's exactly it. One minute she was screaming her head off, the next silent and peaceful. And what's more I swore I closed the window and shut the curtains earlier, but when I went in, the window was open and the curtains drawn back. I think I'm losing it."
Janet sighed softly as a smile came to her lips, "No. You're not." He looked at her confused as she looked at him with a smile, "Don't worry, Daniel." The man looked even more confused, as Janet gave him a peck on the cheek and walked towards the spare room.
Cassie sat with Megan in her arms. She was also frowning slightly. The baby's eyes were fixed on the window, as she sucked her tiny fingers.
Janet glanced at the small boy lying beneath the covers on his bed as he murmured, "Teddy!"
Janet smiled and walked over to the boy passing him the bear which he pulled tightly into his chest and squeezed. Janet stroked his hair as the little boy snuggled up under the blankets with his worn cuddly toy, sticking his thumb in his mouth.
Janet sighed softly as she whispered, "Keep shining little star and guide the way for those of us that get lost."
"'K," the boy mumbled as he drifted off to sleep. Janet smiled and gently kissed him on the forehead and pulled the blanket over him.
She looked up at the young woman who closed the window and was about to draw the curtains when Janet murmured, "Leave them open."
Cassie turned to her and then glanced at the small baby still staring out of the window, "Mom? Something happened at Jack's, didn't it?"
Janet nodded gently and then smiled as her daughter left the room. Janet walked slowly towards the door and gently flicked the light switch as she murmured, "Bye Sam... at least for now."
~~~FINIS~~~
Yet more Author's Notes: The End... or is it?!? I must say there is a sequel in the planning although no story line is a defintite yet. I'm also not promising it will appear any time in the near future as I'm trying my darndest to finish a few more of the stories I started, but as of yet have been unable to finish (they're just building up and up and I swear soon my computer's gonna run out of memory space!) Anyway, I hope you liked `Vulnerability'. Remember, if you have any comments, good (or bad) please send me them! Thanks!
Copyright (c) 2004 Sam I Am
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