A Christmas Past
A Christmas Past
by Kat. H
TITLE: A Christmas Past
AUTHOR: Kat. H
EMAIL: kat.h@zoom.co.uk
CATEGORY: Hurt/Comfort, Holiday (Christmas)
SPOILERS: none
SEASON / SEQUEL: 2
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: male/female relationship
SUMMARY: Sam remembers a past christmas.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Feedback is more than welcome. Thank-you to my beta-reader (who is my mom).
Captain Samantha Carter, US Air Force, sat in the control room, her feet on the console, leaning back on her chair, sipping an almost cold cup of coffee and reading the science journal on her lap. Usually she wouldn't be so informal when she was on base. But there was hardly any one around, only a skeleton team, most of which were MPs. For once there were no teams off world. They had all been recalled for Christmas and were probably at home with their families. Where she should be.
"Captain. What are you doing?"
Sam looked up and found Colonel Jack O'Neill dressed in civvies, standing by the stairs. Teal'c stood behind him. Jack was wearing black jeans, a black T-shirt and black leather jacket while Teal'c was dressed in black trousers, a white shirt and navy jacket.
"Catching up on some reading sir."
"I can see that. I was wondering why you were here."
"Someone had to stay. I sort of volunteered."
"Carter, I thought you were going to Mark's for Christmas." The Colonel's voice betrayed a hint of concern Sam smiled. He was the best CO and friend any one could ask for.
"He managed to get a flight. He's taking Stephanie and the kids to Florida."
"Oh. I'm sorry. I know you were looking forward to seeing them."
"It's okay, sir." Sam dropped her eyes. In truth she was really very disappointed. She had been looking forward to seeing them for over 3 months.
"Oh. I didn't know any one else was here."
Sam looked up to find Daniel, book in one hand, coffee in the other, walking through the door. He came and sat down on a chair beside her.
"What are you working on?" he asked. She showed him the journal's cover. "Looks good."
"You?" Sam asked and he showed her the page he had been reading.
"Looks interesting."
"I had changed my mind. But no. Scientists! Danny what are you doing here?" exclaimed Jack.
"Working Jack. What else would I be doing?"
"What else indeed! That's it! You two are coming with us. There's plenty of room. In fact I booked two rooms extra 'cause I had a feeling this would happen."
"I'm sorry sir. I can't. I have a lot of work to do."
"Yeah Jack. I've got some cataloguing to catch up on."
"That wasn't a request. It was an order."
"I'm off duty sir."
"And you know you can't order me Jack."
"Teal'c, you get Space Monkey. I'll get Carter."
Teal'c grabbed Daniel after removing his cup and book, then steered him towards the door, despite Daniel's protests. Sam jumped up from her seat to escape but Jack managed to corner her.
"Colonel," she warned as she backed up, hitting the wall. Then spotting a way out, she headed for the gap. But Jack cut her off and pinned her to the wall.
"Not so fast Captain. You didn't think I'd let you escape that easily, did you? I don't think so," he whispered in her ear making her shiver.
Then he grabbed her wrist and practically threw her over his shoulder in a fireman's lift. Sam squeaked and kicked her legs.
"Sir! Put me down!"
"No way Carter. You're coming with us, like it or not. And if you keep screaming someone will come to find out what all the racket is about. And I don't think you want that, do you?"
"I did not scream. I... squeaked?" she replied lamely.
"What ever you say Captain. Same difference. Besides when I put you down, I want to have somewhere to run and hide. Because knowing you you're going to want my ass on a plate."
"Oh yeah," she muttered.
Jack exited the control room with Sam. Teal'c and now subdued Daniel followed. They reached the lift with out meeting anyone. Sam thanked anyone listening. She spoke too soon.
"Colonel O'Neill! What on earth are you doing to Captain Carter?" asked the General's booming voice. Sam closed her eyes and prayed for the ground to open up and swallow her. No, swallow O'Neill. He was the one who had gotten her into this situation.
"Oh, General sir. I found the two doctors working at Christmas on Christmas Eve no less, when I know they have time off. So I decided to take them on a little vacation. Permission to proceed, sir?"
"Granted. But don't make this a regular thing colonel."
Sam groaned into Jack's back. The lift arrived at that second. Jack entered along with Teal'c and Daniel. Sam got a look at the General who was trying (but not succeeding) to look disapproving.
"Colonel?"
"Yes sir?" replied Jack spinning around to face the General.
"Sir!" protested Sam when her head came within inches of colliding with the lift wall at high speed.
"Sorry Carter. Yes sir?"
"Here you are Colonel. Enjoy your holiday and merry Christmas."
"You too sir," replied SG-1 in unison. The doors closed and the lift started to rise to the surface. "What was that about?" asked Sam.
"The General got us a Christmas present. Oops. Hope he wasn't expecting one."
Sam sighed.
"Don't worry sir. I got one for him from SG-1. It's on his desk.
"Sweet. Nice one Carter."
"And sir?"
"Yes Captain?"
"You had better be able to run fast. Coz you're going to need to. When I got hold of you..."
"Teal'c I think I may need some protection. Want to be a bodyguard? I'll pay you."
"I am sorry O'Neill. I too value my life."
"Coward."
They drove to Daniel's with Sam in the back between Teal'c and Janet who had met them at the surface and was also in on this kidnapping. Jack drove and kept as far away from Sam as possible while Daniel hummed along to various Christmas songs on the radio in the passenger seat. They stopped at Daniel's first, then Janet's where they picked up Cassandra from the babysitter. Then they headed to Sam's apartment. It was a lovely crisp winter afternoon.
When they got to Sam's block, Janet went with Sam to help her pack while Jack hide in the jeep. Luckily, Sam left a spare key with a neighbour because hers were in her quarters at the SGC. Once in, Sam packed some jeans and jumpers while Janet packed her presents from under her 1-foot plastic tree, which Janet described as 'totally pathetic'.
"Sam. Calm down."
"How can I? The look on the General's face..."
"Sam. The general was in on this."
"What?" exclaimed Sam horrified.
"The Colonel was talking to your dad who asked him and the General to make sure you weren't alone this Christmas. So they came up with this plan. Your dad was sorry he couldn't be here. He said it was a special year."
"Special..." Sam's face went white and she ran out of the room. Janet found her sitting in the corner if her bedroom hugging a photograph. She was staring into space. Janet knelt down beside her.
"Sam? Sam. Honey what's wrong?"
"I ... I can't go. I just can't."
"Why not?"
"I forgot. How could I? Please Janet. I can't."
"Sam. What did you forget?"
Sam just shook her head. So Janet carefully pried the photograph from Sam's fingers. As soon as she saw it, she understood.
"Oh honey... you shouldn't be alone. Not now."
"I-"
"No. Come on. Your dad was right. You are coming with us and we can talk about this later if you want to. But you are coming with us. Coz believe me brooding never helps."
"But-"
"No buts! Now move!"
"You're worst than a drill sergeant," grumbled Sam but she moved.
"I know. But seriously there is no way in hell I'm leaving you alone this Christmas."
"Thanks. But Janet?"
"Yeah."
"The guys don't know, do they?"
"I don't think so."
"Good. Please don't tell them."
"Okay. But remember. We're all here for you."
"I know."
It started snowing on the way to the cabin. When they arrived at the cabin, they were all amazed. It was set beside a small lake in the mountains. Snow now covered the ground and the lake had already frozen over. The log cabin had 6 bedrooms (3 en-suite), a fully equipped kitchen, and a massive lounge with a huge fireplace and a fully decorated tree. Cassie ran around excited pointing out things to anyone who was listening. Daniel started to do the same soon after. Their enthusiasm and excitement was infectious to everyone, except Sam. She escaped to her room and sat staring out of the window. She was disturbed a short while later by a knock on the door and the Colonel popping his head around.
"Captain are you alright?" he asked concerned by her behaviour. Sam was not the shy retiring type. When she didn't respond, he entered, closed the door and sat down beside her on the bed.
"Sam?"
"Oh sorry sir," she said coming out of her own little world.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes sir. I'm fine Just thinking."
"Oh okay. Erm, Jacob asked me to give you this. I'll ... I'll leave you alone. I guess." Jack handed her a plain white envelope and then left. Sam stared at it for a while. Then summoning up the courage she opened it and read it.
Dear Sammie,
I'm sorry I couldn't be there with you this Christmas especially. I have to go on a covert mission but I'll contact you as soon as I return. I asked Jack to give this to you on my last visit, as I wasn't sure I would make it back in time. If you're reading this, I haven't. But there are some things, which need to be said. In some ways I'm glad I'm not there. Not because I don't want to see you because I do. But because I don't think I could say these things to your face and they need to be said. I guess I'm scared. It's silly really but some things are just too hard to handle.
20 years is a long time. A lot has happened in that time. We are all different. Life has changed us. I want to say I am sorry for that Christmas. I know I have never said that. I have wanted to. Believe me I have. But I have never had the nerve. My illness made me think about the things I regret not doing or saying. Selmac also made me think. Things that should have been said haven't. So here they are.
I know that that Christmas was the worst you have ever had. And I know it was partly my fault. We all said some things that year that we regret. But the things you said made sense. Mark and I are talking now. I sent him a letter and he replied. I wish we have of done this before. It would have made life easier on all of us but you in particular.
You remind me a lot of her. You both have an amazing personality that reaches out to the human heart and brings out the best in a person. You're a lot like her. She would have been very proud of you as I am. You are a beautiful, intelligent young woman who inspires a lot more people than she realises. Please forgive me for that year. I need your forgiveness.
I know Jack will look after you. He loves you. You may not realise that but he does and I know you love him. Take care my baby. She loved you so much and never wanted to see you cry or hurt. I know she couldn't do so but than again, I don't think anyone could fully keep you safe. You wouldn't let them. You always looked after yourself. I hope you enjoy this Christmas. You deserve to. I love you, baby. Never forget that.
Love,
Jacob carter.
Sam sat sobbed gently for over an hour before she fell asleep.
When she woke, it was dark but she could hear people moving about. She splashed some water on her face, straightened her clothes and slipped outside after placing the letter into her pocket for safekeeping. She stood outside taking in the beautiful sight of the moon reflecting off the frozen lake. She never heard the door open and close behind her.
"Sam?"
Sam jumped and spun round to find Jack O'Neill standing behind her.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."
"It's my fault. I was in a world of my own."
"So I noticed. Have a good rest? You must have been exhausted. You've been asleep for over 5 hours."
"Yeah I was a bit. Sorry sir."
"Hey. There's nothing to be sorry about. That's what a holiday is for: relaxing. You deserve it more than most. You've worked really hard this year, Sam, too hard in fact. You need to relax a bit. And call me Jack. You're not on duty, remember?"
"Yes si- Jack." An awkward silence fall over them.
"Sam," started Jack slightly uncomfortable. "Are you okay? I mean you seem a little quiet. And that's not like you. You can talk to me. As a friend."
"Thank-you."
"So what's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Sam... I'll go get Janet." And he rose to leave.
"No Jack. Please, don't. Stay."
"If you tell me what's wrong." She nodded and he sat down. She took a deep breath and began.
"My mom died 20 years ago last Thursday. Her funeral was 20 years ago today. That Christmas was the worst I have ever had. Dad got drunk Christmas Eve and Mark found him laying in the gutter in front of the house. He slept for most of the day. Mark went to a friend's house. I had cooked Christmas dinner but eat it on my own. I tried to make it like a proper Christmas like mom always used to do. I even searched the house, found all the presents and put them under the tree. I opened mine but it wasn't the same. No one was there. Mark came back after it got dark and him and dad had a huge argument. Mark has always blamed dad for not picking mom up. He said that if dad had of done so, she would still be alive. But dad wasn't late. Mom was early. I tried so hard to make it a good Christmas because that was what she would have wanted. But I was the only one. I have spent every Christmas alone since then except for a couple with Jonas. I... I didn't want to go through that again. I know it's stupid. This year was no different. But it was different. In fact I forgot. I forgot the date and year. I forgot about her. How could I forget some thing like that?"
Jack listened to this in silence. Sam turned away as tears fell down her cheeks again. She couldn't let him see her cry. But he wasn't having any of that. He pulled her gently into his arms and she cried into his shoulder.
5 minutes later she pulled back.
"I'm sorry."
"Sam there's nothing to be sorry about. I asked you what was wrong. I wanted to know. I'm the one who's sorry. I dragged up bad memories for you."
"No, I had to talk to some one. Thank-you. Sorry about your shirt though."
"Don't worry. I know for a fact tears don't stain." Sam laughed. They sat there together looking out over the lake. Jack kept his arm around Sam.
"Er, Sam. Look up."
Sam did so and saw the sprig of mistletoe attached to the porch above them.
"Oh," was all she said and looked at the floor. When she looked up again she found Jack studying her carefully.
"What?" she asked, wondering if she really bad puffy eyes or some thing like that.
"Sam. Can I kiss you?"
"Pardon?"
"Can I kiss you under the mistletoe?"
Sam's heart leapt. He was asking to kiss her! Jack O'Neill wanted to kiss her. Dreams really can come true. "Yes. Yes you can."
He cupped her face gently with his hands and slowly brought his lips down to hers. It was the most amazing kiss she had ever had. It was so gentle and loving, holding such promise and care. When they broke for air, Sam was sure she had gone to heaven and back. She gazed into his eyes and smiled.
"I think we had better get back inside before any one misses us," said Jack reluctantly breaking the spell which had held them.
"Yeah sure. You go on. I'll be in, in a moment."
"Are you okay? I mean with your mom and this..." stumbled Jack.
"I'm great. I just need to do something." And he left her alone. Sam turned her eyes towards the starry sky.
"Well mom, it's Christmas again. Dad and Mark are talking. But this year is different. I'm not alone this year. I have true friends who love and care for me as I care and love them. You'd like them mom and they'd love you. Just like I do. I had better go. I love you mom." And she turned and went indoors.
Her friends were all sitting around a roaring fire. She stood in the shadows watching her friends. Daniel was sitting on one of the sofas with Janet. Jack was sprawled over the other one. Cassie was curled up on the chair with Teal'c sitting on the floor in front of her. They were all laughing at a joke some one, probably Jack, had just said. Even Teal'c was smiling. They all looked so relaxed, which was unusual as their lives were all so hectic and demanding. Fate always seemed to gang up on them. Jack had lost his son, Daniel had lost his wife and his parents, Janet had been through a difficult divorce, Teal'c had left his home and family, and Cassie had lost her parents. But they had survived. With each others help and support. She knew she couldn't ask for better friends. Jack was the first to notice her. He beckoned her over and she sat beside him on the sofa.
"Happy Christmas!" yelled Cassie and she jumped out of her chair, almost falling over Teal'c on the way. "It's 12:00a.m. Its Christmas day." She ran around the room and hugged every one in turn. She insisted on opening her presents. No one had the heart to say no. But Janet did say she could open one then she would have to go to bed and that she could open the rest tomorrow. So everyone else decided to open one each.
Jack handed Sam a small 15cm long box. She opened it carefully. In side was a beautiful gold necklace. The pendant was the earth symbol with a sparkling blue sapphire on the circle. Sam looked up at Jack in amazement. He looked bashful.
"It ... the stone...it matches your eyes."
"It ma- you know what colour matches my eyes?"
"Well sure."
She grinned and held it out to him. "Would you help me put it on please?" He smiled and took the necklace from her. She turned round and lowered it over her head and clasped it behind her neck. She turned round again. "Thank-you. It's beautiful."
"Just like you."
Sam looked at him in astonishment. He had never complimented her like that before. He saw her reaction, smiled and handed her a piece of paper. She gripped the sofa with one hand for support as she read the letter. It was from the president and Joint Chiefs. It was a formal answer to a request for two officers to have a relationship. The two officers were one 'Colonel Jack O'Neill' and one 'Captain Samantha Carter'. Sam gapped at the paper in shock.
"Well?"
"Well what?" repeated Sam still in shock.
"Will you go out with me?"
"Do you really need to ask?" And she kissed him again to show her resolve.
She spent that night just lying in Jack's arms, more content than she had been in a long time. She knew this was the first Christmas, which would start a whole new life for her. The Christmas past was where it belonged: in the past.
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